weird coincidence

i never heard the story below until this friday morning, july 25, when i attended the Breathe Well Initiative organization launch. its an organization which seeks to "provide information- -through creative and unconventional means--to enable the public to form an informed and rational decision about smoking"(for more details, check out their multiply site: http://breathewell.multiply.com/).

the weird coincidence is, i received an email on the same day from a different person which contains the story i just heard earlier. its substantially the same. its the same story only that there were different minor details, but its still the same. i just found it weird because ive never heard the story my entire life and then i get to hear and read it on the same day from different sources.

the story im talking about is reposted below:

THE STARFISH

Once upon a time there was a wise man who used to go to the ocean to do his writing. He had a habit of walking on the beach before he began his work. One day he was walking along the shore. As he looked down the beach, he saw a human figure moving like a dancer. He smiled to himself to think of someone who would dance to the day. So he began to walk faster to catch up.

As he got closer, he saw that it was a young man and the young man wasn't dancing, but instead he was reaching down to the shore, picking up something and very gently throwing it into the ocean.

As he got closer he called out, "Good morning! What are you doing?"
The young man paused, looked up and replied, "Throwing starfish in the ocean." "I guess I should have asked, why are you throwing starfish in the ocean?" "The sun is up, and the tide is going out, and if I don't throw them in they'll die." "But, young man, don't you realize that there are miles and miles of beach, and starfish all along it. You can't possibly make a difference!"
The young man listened politely. Then bent down, picked up another starfish and threw it into the sea, past the breaking waves and said, "It made a difference for that one."

There is something very special in each and every one of us. We have all been gifted with the ability to make a difference, and if we can become aware of that gift, we gain through the strength of our visions the power to shape the future.

We must each find our starfish. And if we throw our stars wisely and well, the world will be blessed.

in this lifetime

one fact a person must accept in life is that some things in life are bound to be lost. some bonds will be broken. friendships and precious memories forgotten. its not inevitable but this is an accepted reality. why? because its difficult to have it otherwise. and its difficult because of two factors: time and the mortal nature of man.

this reality of life or maybe life itself needs to adjust to the unbreakable force of time. well, time at the moment is unbreakable since it cannot be reversed except in theory. while our current reality lacks the capability to reverse time, time will dictate the course of things, with it, the life of every living thing, including the planet's life force. and im going out of focus. going back, due to this reality, our lives needs to adjust so as to not be left behind by time. and we need to adjust further because of our limited capacity to exist. in short, we dont have much time and time isnt willing to give us more than what we are capable of acquiring. meaning, aside from being forced to walk beside the dictated course of time, we also need to learn how to maximize its use because time doesnt care if we can keep up with its pace or not.

that is why it has become a reality for us to accept that things will be lost in our lifetime. because as much as we try to hold on to things, time will just keep moving forward, and the more we lag behind, the more difficult it is for us to get back on track. people who hold on to things too much get stuck. from the viewpoint of the rest of the population, they are immobile. they are paralyzed. some would try to help them to get out of that situation, others will keep moving forward. thats why i said its not inevitable. something can be done actually. its a matter of what you choose to do. but again, most people choose to move forward, hence, the creation of the reality we now accept. and when i say reality, i mean the popular choice that has become a social norm. this is the kind of reality im talking about.

its like our life can be divided into a number of overlapping loveable sitcoms (or tragedies or dramas or a mix of all or some, depending on the kind of life you have. but since were talking about bonds/friendships and things people hold dear, a sitcom is the appropriate one to use). some sitcoms may run for as short as one season, maybe even less and some as long as a decade, maybe longer. to the sitcoms that have ended, some people try to have those one-night only reunions where the cast try to have one last show (i would like to make use of the Eraserheads as example but, although its been confirmed, it hasnt really happened yet and its not a sitcom). and for some, this is enough for them so they can move on. its like a closure for them. they're happy that they had a one last run because in reality, the sitcom's last episode isnt scheduled. it just happens.some are aware of it, some are not.

unfortunately, there are those who cant accept this reality of losing bonds/friendships, of having a "last episode". they would insist on having another run, another reunion or any other way just to keep things the way they were. its sad enough that we have to accept this form of loss but its sadder to see those who cannot accept it. because they're trying to hold on to something precious to them, maybe the only thing that matters in their lives or probably means everything to them, yet time will never wait, life will not stop and the reality is not in their favor. they are not wrong to do this, to keep on holding on to what they believe is of paramount importance. but its not matter of whether its right or wrong. its a matter of acknowledging the unyielding strength of time coupled with the harshness of reality and life. one can go against it because it can be done, its not impossible to continue holding on to things. but it means wasting time and wasting one's life simply because the reality we have now isnt about holding on to things, its about keeping up with the pace of time and just keep moving forward because our time in this world is limited. its our tendency to maximize the use of the little time we have. we try to explore as much as we can, experience all that can be possibly be experienced. holding on to things is limiting our exposure to what this lifetime can offer. and simply, thats just not our "reality". it may be pitiful to see people who cannot accept this reality but you cant blame them for trying to go against the reality we have. its their choice, the same way other people made their choice of moving on and making sure they keep up with time.

Why... so... serious?

Harvey Dent said in TDK that "the night is darkest just before the dawn" and it made the movie good because they were able to depict this quote very well. the chaos and anarchy really reflected the "darkness" Gotham was under. and the Joker as the promoter of this chaos and anarchy is a magnificent villain. as Alfred said, "Some men aren't looking for anything logical. They can't be bought, bullied, reasoned or negotiated with. Some men just want to watch the world burn." so, what do you do when you face a man like the joker who is beyond reason but not necessarily insane? and when the dawn comes, does it mean everything will be alright? there's no definite solution/answer for the former except, as Alfred said, "Endure!" and as for the latter, i think Joker answered this when he said "You've changed things... forever. There's no going back."

The Joker appears to be the one in full control of chaotic situation and the only thing Batman can do is endure even if when the "dawn" comes, things will never be same as they were before. and maybe thats why the movie is named TDK because of the difficult nature of the role batman had to play despite its very villain-centered/Joker-centered theme. but even if what used to be an "immovable object" known as Batman had the difficult task of choosing to confront an "unstoppable force" in the person of the Joker, whatever the costs, making TDK a great being, i still think the Joker is more brilliant for trying to create an "organized chaos" by trying to manipulate human reason by corrupting their minds and tinkering with their emotions. the only reason why the Joker failed is because when one deals with human emotion, you deal with the irrational. the Joker can only exercise control over the irrational as long as the rational side exerts some influence over it. the moment reason loses its power over human emotions, not even a criminal mastermind like the Joker can predict human actions under this state of mind or being. so, things will be left to chance, which makes Two-Face a bit relevant. because when unpredictability enters the picture, you then try to make use of probabilities to gain some control (or an impression of control). it then boils down whether the odds are against you or not. so now that i think about it, Batman didnt really stop the Joker, its human unpredictability due to power of the human emotion exhibited in the "blow up the other boat" scene.

so, in order to appreciate Batman's character, you have to look at the movie as whole which reflects TDK's state of mind. and its easier to appreciate and enjoy the villains because they are the ones that induce such state of mind.

Some men just want to watch the world burn

The Dark Knight didn’t quite meet my expectations. I’m reluctant to say it’s great because it is great but not because of the Dark Knight. It’s great because of the Joker. TDK reminds me of Lemony Snicket's Series of Unfortunate Events where Count Olaf is much more interesting than the protagonists. In TDK, the Joker is the captivating character. That’s also the reason why i would want to watch TDK again. maybe the reason why I’m disappointed with Batman's character is because there's really nothing new about the character except that this time, he has bigger challenges. Isn’t that the way superhero movie sequels should be? so what more could be expected from the Batman? anyway, the movie focused more on the villains which isnt bad actually. But i was already expecting that the villains were interesting because of the months of promotions. i guess i was expecting to see more than what the promotions already introduced. or maybe i just didnt see the "greatness" of the Batman. its clear on the choices he had to make. thats what made him great. but I’m referring more on the style he fights crime. i was expecting to be impressed on how he does it (“the shiznit!” factor). well, what I’m sure of is that the Joker character was brilliant. It was impressively portrayed. too bad Ledger's gone.

as a whole, TDK is really good. but my problem is, my expectations were raised because of the months of promotions and thats why im a bit disappointed (and I really have the tendency to have very high expectations). i knew the Joker was going to be interesting and sure enough, he was. but i was also expecting the Batman to be better. i was probably expecting that TDK's promotions havent shown the best the movie had to offer. the same way with the Transformers movie. thats what made Transformers really good. you get to see something you werent expecting because it was promoted well enough that the movie itself can still exceed the expectations created by the promotions. there lies the difference between the two movies. the Transformers was promoted very carefully, making sure that it arouses the people's interest in the movie yet making sure that they don’t disclose the best parts of the movie. as for TDK, it was promoted so well that it made itself a highly anticipated movie but the promotional materials made use of the best parts of the movie that there isnt much to expect anymore. or maybe its just me. and since i just compared it with the Transformers movie, im really referring to visually stimulating scenes. as for the other parts of the TDK, i really dont have problems with it.

sort of spoilers: the plot was good. its also as realistic as it can possibly be (except the part where the batmobile/tank broke down. that made me wonder. why did it sustain that much damage? Did I miss something?). the batman's fight scenes werent impressive (i still think The Incredible Hulk's fight scenes were the best fight scenes ive seen this year. Edward Norton was a good choice for mild-mannered Bruce Banner (Keisie was right) and i still think Nicholas Cage isnt Ghost Rider material). For me, it lacks “mind-blowing” scenes. Also, there weren’t much gadgets (i dont remember him making use of his ever reliable "utility belt" but then again, it might be a better to ditch the "utility belt" idea). the batman's voice was weird at first but you get used to it as the movie progresses. the ending is good, i really liked the way they did it. putting Two-Face in the movie dont come across as if they were forcing an additional character nor was the character underdeveloped. the story's really good for a two villain movie. i also liked the way they portrayed the Joker as the Batman's biggest challenge. but that's what makes it problematic for me. in order for the Joker to be the Batman's biggest challenge, he has to be as menacing, threatening and demented as he can possibly be (just the way i like my villains). thats what makes the Joker very interesting. too interesting that the Batman looks like a secondary character. the Joker is the star of the movie. TDK is also a break from the usual superhero story where the villain poses a challenge to the hero but youre still very sure the hero is going to win in the end. You just wonder how he or she will do it. In TDK, its not as simple as the ordinary "hero wins, villains lose" kind of ending. the Batman didnt really defeat the Joker now that i think about it. the Batman just stopped him. With the damage done by the Joker, to Gotham City, its citizens, to Harvey Dent and Rachel Dawes and to the Batman, I think Batman didn’t really “win”. That’s why i said i liked the way they ended it. it also didnt look like it was aiming for a third installment of the reinvented Batman franchise (like the way The Incredible Hulk ended where it gave the impression that the ending is open to the possibility of a sequel depending on how well the movie fares).

It’s still much better than Batman Begins and the best of all the Batman movies. Its more than just another comic book superhero movie. I won’t even say it’s an action movie because, again, its more than that. probably the problem i have with it is that it lacks the action part (huh?). i mean, it could go beyond being just another action movie (which it did) but it doesnt mean it need not have mind-blowing fight scenes or bloody fist fights or gruesome whatever. or maybe im asking too much. and probably thats why i didnt find the Batman character impressive. or maybe he is. only that the Joker is much more impressive. I guess I’m just expecting too much and my idea of a “perfect” movie is unreasonable or maybe im looking for more action. thats also my problem with Iron Man. although Incredible Hulk had better fight scenes, i liked the Iron Man more. between TDK and IronMan, i would go for the TDK if i were to judge it in its entirety. so, in the end, TDK is the best movie ive seen this year. im just being unreasonable for expecting more.

the power of love

to do what cant be done
to sing what cant be sung
to learn to play the game
to make the things that cant be made
to save those who cant be saved
to learn how to be in time
to know what isnt known
to see what isnt shown
to be where youre meant to be


all you need is love to do the abovementioned things, among others. but why? because for some, this is what makes someone truly human. to exceed the limitations of the human intellect. to do what cant be understood but only felt. to make what cannot be taught but can only be experienced. to have love within oneself is to be overwhelmed by a supremely beautiful emotion and be intoxicated by a personal and profound sense of being which the human intellect cant possibly give. love is way beyond human comprehension. this is why it seems that it is the human tendency to acquire love.

the question is, is it meant for everybody? is everyone capable of truly acquiring love in the proper sense. because although love is beyond human comprehension, it is still determinable or identifiable. you still need a little bit of intellect to recognize what love is. and little more of this human intellect to confirm it is love in its truest form and not just a shoddy emotion trying to pass itself as love. i think most people are deceived by this inferior emotion. or do not fully understand or are not truly capable of handling love. love is a powerful creature and despite its beauty, its also capable of destroying those who are not prepared to have it. love is not only about the euphoria it brings because it can also inflict a tremendous and also overwhelming amount of pain. for some, the pain is unimaginable, even unbearable. to seek love is to prepare to wrest control over its beautiful side and its dark side.

to love is to do something that is highly personal and cannot be passed to another person. it is doubtful it can be learned but i think it can be understood to at least obtain some form of control over it. much as people want not to control love so as to not to limit its power, i think control over it is a necessity. something as powerful as love should not be allowed to just take over oneself and let go of everything else. and if im not mistaken, no human has achieved the level of being an epitome of love. it seems to me that its impossible to allow love to take over and not be destroyed by it. maybe because its humanly impossible to contain love in a mortal physical being in a very loose manner, not influenced by human intellect. love in this case resembles the behavior of cancer cells. it will slowly destroy you from within if you dont try to exercise some form of control over it. to let go of the human intellect and refuse to limit the love contained within is like to abandon reason and dwell in realm of the irrational. this is the best way to lose yourself and most likely never come back. to live in a constant state of internal chaos and not realize it. to be lost in a destructive delusion and be ignorant of its harmful effects.

i just stated what seems to me is something obvious. but then again, humans have the tendency to forget or miss the obvious. they gamble anyway and seek love and acquire it without preparing for what it can bring into one's life. they indulge in it, sometimes without any inkling of the consequences. my point is, love is not for the ignorant. even if most people want to have love in their lives, it will destroy those who are weak and unprepared, meaning those who are not worthy to have it. love can only be enjoyed by those who deserve it.

dont piss off the pervy sage

dont come here questioning my honesty and expect that i wont be pissed. especially when you question my honesty without any basis. dont fucking accuse me with baseless allegations. and an apology is a waste of time. i dont buy it. i dont care how sorry you are. the fact is, you brought a scenario that would require an apology and which was caused by irresponsibility, incompetence and childishness. and in your case, ignorance of the social protocol (ok, maybe it has not acquired this level, but i think it should be regarded as one and as usual, im getting ahead of myself). when you apologize, you swallow your pride. you say sorry without qualifications. i dont fucking care why youre irresponsible, incompetent, childish, and im going to add, negligent. if youre sorry, you dont try to justify your mistake. you just admit you made a mistake. no excuses. i used to do it too, qualifiy my apologies, but i learned on my own that its not a sincere apology. thats why i dont accept apologies, especially for grave mistakes, because the damage has been done. and assessing the situation, it could have been avoided...if you were only strong enough. and weakness is not an excuse. im hard on myself to toughen myself up so dont go appearing before me in your weak and worthless state and then apologizing insincerely afterwards. be man enough to apologize sincerely, or be man enough not to apologize and firmly fight for the mistake you believe to be correct. choosing the latter is foolish but its tougher to do than making an insincere apology and then walking away like a dog with his tail between his legs.

i have my own demons. lots of them. and i deal with them on my own, every fucking day. i put myself through hell intentionally because trying to escape from them is pointless. i intentionally destroy some of my own personal relationships with people close to me because of the constant battles i have with these demons. because thats the only way i can keep them at bay. i know its a big loss, but its something im compelled to do so as not to be defeated by these demons. selfish but thats the only way to prevent self-destruction. its stupid to be selfless and allow yourself to be destroyed and rot from within. because that would only make you useless to everyone.

im also haunted by traumatic memories from time to time. experiences that fucked me up and was forced to accept that i could never change them, no matter how hard and how many times i try. these experiences changed me in a manner that some say only psychiatrists could correct. i dont believe in that crap. but even if it was true, im still going to handle it on my own, without any help. im going to deal with it on my own because its my problem and im going to make sure that im tough enough to solve it on my own. i hate sharing my own problems. thats why i dont go around worrying and crying about it because i deal with it, on my own and in my own way. sure i complain and whine but thats just to decrease its weight. i would be stupid not to decrease the burden, no matter how insubstantial it may seem.

i dont go asking for help. and i dont expect it either. because most likely, no one can save me from my own demons, maybe not even me. if thats true, the most i can do is to make sure they dont get me. but if the demons get the better of me, then its my loss and im prepared to accept that. i will not blame anyone because all throughout, it was only me that was involved. everything is my call, my choice, my discretion. im the one who is in the best position to handle the situation.

it may be a never-ending battle with these demons but i never get tired of saying to mysef i wont lose to them. what have you done to fight your demons? it appears to me, not much. maybe your demons are stronger. most likely they are. but i firmly believe that they are not insurmountable nor losing to them an inevitability. giving in is losing to these demons but that doesnt mean the battle is over. you should always try to bounce back. and once you do, i think the next step should be all about learning from the loss and educating yourself on how to deal with your demons the next time they come knocking.

psychiatrists arent very different from ordinary people when it comes to dealing with demons. it just so happens that they read and studied about it, learned the ways how to deal with it. and then share and apply what they know. and most people could do that too (except the sharing and applying part because that requires formal training). the point is, you cant rely on others to fight your demons. its your own. you are the one who experiences them, no one else. you are the one in the best position to determine how deal with them. if you need help, fine, go ahead. but dont depend on that help to be the one that would fight most of your battles. because thats stupid. dependence weakens you rather than strengthens you. help in itself is good but its an indication too of insufficiency in strength. if you know that you are weak and you cant avoid to engage in battle, its logical for some to ask for help than be destroyed "honorably". but that doesnt stop there. reinforcements will come from others but that doesnt mean you will not do anything to strengthen yourself. in the end, the aim should be to be strong enough to fight your battles on your own, survive them, learn from the experience and the mistakes and further educate and strengthen yourself. thats how you should deal with your demons.

dumb and dumber

i think karma caught up with me. i have the nasty habit of feigning ignorance. why? i dont know. maybe its because im too lazy to be knowledgeable. its a bit of a hassle to know stuff because people would go to you and ask for the answer. sure it was great at first but it just became tiring and annoying. another is that, some expect you to teach them what you know. and since im the type who believes that experience is the best teacher, im always reluctant to share knowledge by way of the traditional mode of teaching. for me, experiencing is the best way to learn (thats why i say im self taught). thats why i rarely ask questions too. i want to learn it on my own. if i get it wrong, at least im trying to learn it on my own. the problem with this approach is that it takes time. and there are instances when you need to learn things fast. anyway, im digressing. the reason i said i think karma caught up with me is because i think im becoming stupid every minute. i mean, i feign ignorance so frequently that its become something natural for me to do. i pretend i dont know. i act stupid. when i dont feel like reciting, i pass or pretend im clueless of whats being asked. and so it actually happened, ive become stupid. well, stupid compared to the current people im with. its like im constantly slipping down from some kind of intellectual ladder. my level of comprehension and my ability to absorb new things is becoming so poor that im really starting to believe ive developed some kind of mental retardation. im forgetting stuff i know and my thinking ability seem to me that its really deteriorating.

ok, maybe i feel that way because gradeschool to college was pretty much a breeze and law school is one big struggle for me. and im starting to think ive reached my limit because even if im trying hard, it seems its not enough to really raise myself to the same level as my fellow law students. its like, my effort is not good enough. i have to do more. unfortunately, i dont have the stamina nor the endurance for it. like i sometimes say, im like a constitution which can only be done with great exertion for a limited time and not frequently repeated. i cant exert the increased level of effort for a considerable amount of time. although, i think i could easily do it if i were the same person as i was back in highschool. when i still had the discipline and wasnt intoxicated with arrogance. when i reached college, i felt i dont need the professors. we have books anyway. so i slept half of the time during class. the other half, i was really sleepy. it offended the professors of course, but i didnt care. i knew i could pass the subject. and if i dont, so what. thats why i became lazier and i started to lose my discipline. and im digressing again. point is, i started feigning ignorance because i didnt want to appear some person who knows stuff. which is kind of a mistake since it would prevent me from polishing my ideas through intellectual converstations. i cant just engage in self-analysis. like henry roth said, "fresh eye never hurts". so, since i let the laziness take over, i guess my brain cells slowly deteriorated too. so now, ive become a dumb guy, and becoming dumber since ive lost the stamina to actually recover from the mental deterioration, and ive placed myself in a situation where i really cant afford to be stupid nor dare to be stupid, now what? ill just have to depend on studying through hardwork and see how far it can get me. it works for some people. i hope it works for me. or i hope i can do it too.

across the universe

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cellophane sunshine

dont you just hate it when its raining outside and youre about to go out, you get your jacket and your umbrella and after a few minutes of walking outside, the rain stops. its like, whats the point of getting ready to go out in the rain when after all those preparations, the rain wont cooperate. well, not that it happened to me recently, walking in a rainy day attire when its not raining. its just that im feeling something similar to that. you prepare yourself for what looks like a sad and depressing situation and it doesnt happen. the situtation that would bring sadness and depression doesnt materialize. so you get pissed, and become sad and depressed anyway because its like everything was spoiled with the sudden turn of events. or for things not happening according to what was expected. and what makes it problematic is that, like wearing the rainy day attire, once you set out and covered a considerable distance, you wont just head back home to leave your jacket and umbrella. you just keep going even if its a bit of hassle to bring an umbrella and a jacket on a day that looks like the sun will shine because the rainy part of the day is over. it becomes excess baggage. same to what im feeling now. i cant just drop all the anticipations ive made. and unlike in my analogy, the sun really isnt shining. it was just supposed to rain and that didnt happen. its doesnt follow that the sun's shining on me. its another one of those "now what?" situations because of miscalculations or erroneous assessment of situations. maybe i am suffering from some kind of mental retardation.

i want my fast food!

i havent eaten any mcdonalds product for quite some time (meaning two weeks). so last night, i tried calling up mcdonald's delivery. unfortunately, i was told that the delivery service for the 2 branches near our residence were not available. the matalino branch had its last order for delivery at 8:40pm (if i remember correctly, and i called around 9:10pm!) and the philcoa branch will not deliver after 9pm.

since i really wanted to eat a double cheeseburger deluxe "go big time" meal, i said to myself, i'll go there myself. the nearest branch is open 24 hours after all. so i walked to the matalino branch only to find out that they were closed for the night, starting 9pm on july 5. talk about wrong timing! and im not going to walk to philcoa. so i just went back home and decided to just call jollibee delivery. for me, it's the next best fast food restaurant when it comes to burgers. so i called up 87000 and i ended up ordering 2 big mac meals. good thing the guy at the other end didnt react much and just said to me that they dont serve the product and told me its equivalent. i meant to order their Champ but i was just so in the mood for a mcdonalds burger that i ended up saying Big Mac instead of Champ.

anyway, why am i blogging about this? well, its just nothing very eventful is happening lately. and if there was, i cant talk about it because its confidential.

June was a very busy month and the first few days of july is less tedious but tiring nonetheless. had my first and second court hearing last month. made some pleadings and motions and tried to meet the deadlines. had a bunch of appointments and did a lot of texting. i have two phones now and sometimes i get tired of reading them that i prioritize some text messages (the urgent ones) and the read the other ones at the end of the day and reply the following day if i suddenly find out that i have no more credits. the interesting part is (or the worst part is), things are bound to become more difficult.

so connecting it to the fast food part, its been a very tiring month and this july will not be much different. when you have so little time and so much to do, a little fast food would mean a lot. but since im a very unfortunate guy, im not surprised that the operator on the other end of the line would tell me that the delivery service is not available in our area at the moment when im really in the mood for a mcdonalds burger, because i wanted to eat something while watching a movie at home. and im the type of guy who hates settling for the next best thing. so i ended up not watching anything and relaxing in the form of sleep. what made sleep not comforting was my clogged nose because i have a cold. and when i have a cold, i have coughing fits. and usually, what makes me feel better is eating food im in the mood to eat. ok, what is a loop? point is, im a very unlucky bastard. when i want my fast food the most, i wont be surprised that i wont get it. well, conveniently get it. i have to make some extra effort. some would say, that would simply make the food a lot tastier. i would say, probably, but the thing is, the things that are supposed to make it easier and more convenient arent working the way they should be working and that sucks because im in the losing end no matter what. Soy un perdedor!

Email excerpt: Buhay Law school

this is an email excerpt i wrote when i was a law school freshman:

sa law school...

college is nothing compared sa law school. exaggeration man pero true to a certain extent, law school is 10 times harder than college. its a mistake to think that its just another four years of studying... its more of 4 years of training for a profession and mas makakatulong to think that we are already working, workers under training, and that part of the work is reading a lot of reading materials and acting like lawyers during recitations and the professors are the judges we have to convince kasi we are graded on how well we argue our case or the question asked

sa klase ng effort and demand na hinihingi ng law school, kung i-apply natin nung college, sure ko, A students tayo. probably anyone who survived a sem in law school pag bumalik sa college will find it impossible to fail, if not get a very high grade, pag in-apply yung same effort or same work ethic and habits... pero do it the other way around, apply the study habits nung college, one is bound to fail law school...

law school made me do things that i never did in college, like really read a lot, really study a lot and recite... on a daily basis! every prof yata sa law school is a terror prof compared sa college professors, or yung mga terror nung college will look really nice compared sa law school professors

in law school, one needs to love the law, kasi if you don't it will be very hard to survive.. part of loving the law is devoting every waking moment studying, it becomes the air you breath, it is what you eat and digest and it may also become the content of one's dreams at night. the law becomes a 7/11, kung saan we are employees in it who never stop working tipong sobrang immersed sa law na it becomes our life and only time that we get to interact with people outside is when people come along, siyempre exag pero most of the time ganito law school life

law school is expensive. aside from the tuition, may stacks of readings pa, enough to make owners of photocopying shops to have a stable supply of customers, baka nga mas magsurvive pa sila pag nagkaroon ng economic crisis sa dami ng kailangan ipa-photocopy. meron pang law books, yung mga codes, yung consti na sobrang expensive na minsan napapaisip ako na maging professor na lang kaya ako sa college of law tapos
maging author ng book? yun ay pag di ako pumasa sa bar... pwede kaya yun?

estimation of how many readings: half a sem in law school's readings is equivalent to two full sems of readings in college... syet, kaya palang basahin sa kalahating sem ang isang buong school year sa college.. so does this mean sa finals, equivalent sa two years in college yung coverage?

law school life is boring and monotonous, every day is the same thing, read and recite, read a lot and recite well. that is basically most of it.. and its boring kasi one's social life may be lost, again, because of the devotion needed. another reason for the boring nature is well, kayo-kayong magkakaklase lang ang makakarelate sa pinag-uusapan nyo and malamang the main thing that you are going to talk about is the law since it is the only thing that you've thought about all day. kung may mukha lang ang law, malamang yung mukha lang na yun ang laging nakikita

sa law school, some people become wordsmiths and linguists, well, not really linguists pero knowledge in spanish and understanding the latin terms is not only handy but sometimes necessary and big words and phrases during recitations are only useful if one knows how to really use it in a sentence...

sa law school, kung wala kang bisyo, there is a strong possibility na magkaroon, like smoking and drinking. mas bagay ang tomadores sa law school kasi it is something that is hard to do without, the humiliation and the bad grades, drinking as a social activity (and not just to drown ones worries) is a very good way to unwind and according to some, people who do drink and party from time to time are more likely to survive since they get to recharge themselves
sa law school, one become a strategist. tipong drop ko ba yung subject na to or alin kaya ang drop ko? basahin ko ba to or just start reviewing for the exam and sacrifice a few recits? magcut kaya ako sa minor subject para makabawi sa major subject? it all depends sa strategy some times on how to balance all of the demands sa law school and sa law school, every point sa grades counts...

sa law school, its smarter to be lucky than it is lucky to be smart..to a certain extent totoo... luck is more useful sa law school than mere knowledge, in terms of survival anyway... in terms of training, luck din na makuha yung mga prof na may matutunan ka talaga kasi may mga prof na di marunong magturo... well, call it luck or divine providence, basta outside of human capacity to control and foresee

sa law school nagkakaroon ng concrete meaning ang time is gold and time is of the essence... you can never waste time in law school, wasting it is always a risk (having time to unwind is not wasting time for it is needed to replenish much needed energy to survive in law school). good time management skills is necessary... and time flies even if you are not having fun. how? di ba ang bilis ng oras pag madaming kailangan gawin or when you have a deadline to meet? that is how time flies sa law school, so many things to do, so little time and sometimes under pressure to finish it before the class starts...cramming skills are tested to its limit sa law school, this is the best test on how good a crammer is...

sa law school, this probably applies to most if not all, even the most confident of men/women may doubt one's abilities pag tapak sa law school. the law school demands things that are almost impossible to do. almost impossible kasi... yes, it is possible to do pero its lying on the border of the impossible, kaunti na lang humanly impossible na gawin.. law school is overwhelming.. and sometimes crazy... the probability na mabaliw is higher pag pumasok sa law school and there are even horror stories on bar exams about people na nag-snap because of the extreme pressure... or maybe simple na memory loss kung saan may one bar examinee na nakalimutan na may GF pala sya, he just remembered while walking out of the exam area on the last day of the bar exams or nervous breakdown nung nakita yung bar questions...

sleepless nights, and even insomnia is common in law school. sleep becomes a luxury. to keep up with the demands, sleep needs to be sacrificed from time to time, in order to give more time to studying. to some, every waking moment is spent on studying up to the last minute before they go to sleep at night...

sa law school brain power is obviously needed, understanding and good memory are essential and soundness of mind din. dapat maging mindful sa mental health and well-being or baka matuluyan ang pagkabaliw...

aside from sleep, sa law school, love life may sometimes be sacrificed. not sure about the statistics pero most of the time, and ito din sabi nung mga law school professors, nagbe-break ang mga magGF and BF, kasi one common reason, lack of time and attention. so, there is also another saying, one is likely to find the partner within the walls of the law school, for reasons that both of you know the demands of the law school and after all those hours studying, kayo lang ang magkakaintindihan...

law school is a lovable hell for some... it is hell for obvious reasons, sobrang pahirap sa buhay pero if you love the law, you wont mind living in hell for four years...

law school life is overwhelming, stressful and demanding, pero its worth it if one really wants to be a lawyer, of course it is and it would really be a great achievement to be able to finally make it. so what one has to do, is adjust, adjust and adjust... like yung mga fresh members of the labor force na lucky enough to find a job, we have to adjust kasi law school is not just a school, as mentioned earlier, its a training for a profession... this is probably the main task of the freshman, adjust to the new environment...
 

just another school day

the days are becoming longer and the nights shorter. i wake up usually around 6am, sometimes as late as 7am or sometimes as early as 5am. point is, i have to be wherever im supposed to be by 8am.

then i get home around dinner time and sleep around midnight usually. i consider myself lucky if i get to bed as early as 10pm.

there's just a lot of stuff to do. and the bad news is, its bound to get more difficult. im still in the adjustment stage. better get used to these long hours and short rest periods. i mean, this is really what im going to face in the next few years. not that im complaining. wait, i am! well, not really. just whining. its just because im not yet used to it. but eventually, im going to get the hang of it. and once i do, things will still get more difficult. its a never-ending adjustment stage until you reach some kind of peak and there's no where else to go but down. and then its another crash and burn, nose dive in blazing glory experience.

what is an ex post facto law?

Professor and 1st year law student in class. Law student is reciting, talking about international law and Saddam Hussein when the professor decides to illustrate an ex post facto law. he asks:

Prof: "what are you wearing (looks at law student's tie). i dont like your tie!"
law student: "huh?"
Prof: "what's the color of your long sleeve?"
law student:"umm...sir, its blue".
Prof:"and your wearing that stupid tie! from now on, whenever you wear a blue long sleeve, the necktie should be red! that's the rule! and i dont want to see you wearing that stupid tie!"
law student: "huh? sir, im confused"
Prof: "i will give you a zero for wearing that stupid tie! it violates the rule i just said"
law student: "huh? sir why!"
Prof: "hah, and for being a philosopher another zero!"
law student: "sir, seriously!? sir, may i ask why?"
Prof: "you see, i am a believer in the ex post facto laws (a law that operates retroactively)"
Prof: "do you get it?"
law student:...

comic book movies

just watched the Incredible Hulk. cant decide which i liked better, Iron Man or Incredible Hulk? actually, i would like to say Iron Man but there's something lacking in Iron Man which you will get in the Incredible Hulk. what is it? a great fight scene! well, fight scenes. ive read that the Incredible Hulk would be more action-packed, holy crap! they did mean it. i was really satisfied with what they did with the fight scenes. thats what i felt was lacking in Iron Man. unfortunately, i still like Iron Man when it comes to rating the movie as a whole. but if im just going to think of great scenes, i would pick the fight scenes in the Incredible Hulk. there seems to be no particular scene that stands out from Iron Man (or im just very forgetful). my brother also said that the Incredible Hulk was too serious compared to the Iron Man. the characters rarely break an infectious smile or a really humorous joke. Iron Man does seem to have a lighter mood.

anyway, now that the 2 marvel movies have been released, i now wonder whether The Dark Knight of DC comics can match the people's expectations. i mean, Iron Man is just the first movie of probably another trilogy and people dont have high expectations yet. i think people were just expecting to get whats been promoted. as for the Incredible Hulk, not much expectations here also, maybe lower expectations even compared to Iron Man since the The Hulk didnt do very well. point is, im expecting much more from the Dark Knight, with all their virals and months of promotion. it doesnt look like it would be a disappointment but im hoping it would be as good, if not much better, than Iron Man and the Incredible Hulk. not that im a DC fan. im really a Marvel comics fan but there's only one character from DC comics i like, and obviously, its the Batman. and as for the blog entry below, the name superman is really used in its generic sense and probably a slight reference to the DC character. well, thats how i see it. i mean, anyone can be a superman in the generic sense but only Clark Kent can be Superman.

Superman

having 20 units (inclusive of OLA), i think this will be my theme song for this semester:

Superman by Goldfinger

So here I am
doing everything I can
holding on to what I am
pretending I'm a superman
I'm trying to keep
the ground on my feet
it seems the world's
falling down around me
the nights are all long
I'm singing this song
to try and make the answers
more than maybe

and I'm so confused
about what to do
sometimes I want
to throw it all away

so here I am
looking older all the time
growing older all the time
feeling younger in my mind

I'm trying to sleep
I lost count of the sheep
my mind is racing faster
every minute
what could I do more
yeah I'm really not sure
I know I'm running circles
but I can't quit

and I'm so confused
about what to do
sometimes I want to
throw it all away
controlling everything in site


I'm feeling weak
I don't feel right
you're telling me
I have to change
telling me to act my age
but if all that I can do
is just sit and watch time go
then I'll have to say good bye
life's too short to watch it fly
watch it fly

quotes

I believe whatever doesn't kill you simply makes you... stranger - the joker

I lived believing my shortcomings were just amusing distractions! That my failings would build character! And in return...After all those losses and mistakes, I would be granted one great, final adventure - jiraiya

In life, nothing good comes out of hurrying. - shikamaru nara

knowledge and experience are ambiguous, thus reality can become illusion. Is it not possible to think that, all human beings are living in their assumptions? - itachi uchiha

the problem is, im too old to be acting like a kid - shikamaru nara

id always brush responsibility off as troublesome. thats why i messed up so often - shikamaru nara

i regret to inform you that i have no regrets

my life is filled with regret. but i dont let it affect me. as i always say to myself, "no regrets". thats why i just keep moving forward. no matter how many regrettable things ive done, i easily ignore it and never let the feeling of regret get to me. the problem with this attitude is that, well, in my case, i just keep moving forward even if i keep making wrong turns or wrong decisions. ive made so many wrong turns and wrong decisions in my life and from time to time i know im about to make another one but i dont change my course and just keep moving forward. its because i know im not going to feel regret or force myself not to feel it. im just going to pick myself up again and just head forward. so in the end, im probably moving forward in the wrong direction and i mindlessly (mindlessly?) continue along this path because i dont feel sorry or become distressed with the wrong turns/decisions ive made, or about to make. at least i dont get stuck. but some would argue that that would be a better situation than going deeper and deeper into the wrong path. the reason i wrote this is because i think im about to make another wrong turn or about to make a wrong decision, and i cant stop myself even i know this will become another regrettable decision. its like im compelled to just keep on treading this path. its either this path just so happens to be surrounded with wrong turns but would still lead me to the right direction or its really the wrong path and i just dont want to head back towards the right direction because im a slothful person (which could mean the return of the sloth, the true slothful part of me and not just my ordinary lazy ass/non-deadly sin self).

im not a landline person

Just woke up and i have no idea where my mother and my brother is. well, i could guess where they could possibly be. anyway, point is, its usual that i wake up and find myself home alone and have no idea where my family went. sometimes they wake me up and tell me while im half asleep. and thats not really effective since i might not be listening. or they really dont tell me at all because it doesnt really matter that much to me.

i like being left home alone, especially in the morning since im not a morning person. i can be in the foulest mood and no one would mind. the only thing i dont like when home alone and not having an idea where they went is that when someone calls, i have no idea what to say where they are.

fate is a destination

Fate is like a strange, unpopular restaurant filled with odd waiters who brings you things you never asked for and dont always like. - Lemony Snicket

if you dont feel like going to a strange, unpopular restaurant, then change your destination. the problem with doing this is when you dont know where else to go.

its just like starting over

i reformatted the PC exactly a week ago. and because of that, i had to re-organize my wallpaper collection. i found out just now that i might have deleted one folder of wallpapers which contains hundreds of desktop wallpapers (maybe half a thousand). crap. i need to look for them again...online! well, its just a bunch of clicks away but still, its a little inconvenience that could have been avoided. what a drag

Decisions, decisions

Which is the better one to do, help someone that needs your help (but not in dire need of it) or do what your supposed to do, like school work? This always happens to me and there is never a quick answer to it. People would say choose the one that is more important. But that isnt easy to determine and most of the time, you have to make a quick decision so there really isnt time to really weigh the importance of each (or enough time to carefully deliberate or analyze the situation). You also have to look at the urgency and the point of view of the other person. You also need to have a good sense of foresight or consider the possible consequences of action or inaction. It wont be a problem if theres a lot of time. It seems that as a person grows older (or more correctly, the more a person is assimilated in society), time becomes scarcer and the decisions become harder. Why is that? Why did we set up society to become more complicated the longer we live in it? Ok, im digressing.

coming in sideways

2 more final exams to go...and then i can have my tooth (or teeth) removed. how nice. something to look forward to after weeks of final examinations. i have an impacted wisdom tooth. or impacted wisdom teeth. cant remember exactly. for sure i have at least one impacted wisdom tooth and the pain it causes is really annoying. and it also prevents me from eating properly. thats why lately, ive been eating at the japanese/korean food place at the UP Shopping Center because its easier to eat bite-size food.

anyway, i was supposed to have it removed a few weeks ago when i visited the dentist due to the pain the impacted tooth is causing. but we decided to have it (the tooth extraction) scheduled when the semester ends because it would take around one week to recover from the minor dental surgery. and i dont have a spare week during the semester. thats why i had to wait until the last final exam before i can have it removed.

my supposed first week of vacation would be the end of the mental stress and the start of the physical stress which should last more or less one week. it depends if there wont be complications after the extraction. life is uncertain (and earlier i was thinking that life in law school is one big uncertainty). its possible that a nerve injury occurs during the extraction and i end up like George Grieves (Sublime).

Tomadores

holy heat!

whats up with the weather? its extremely hot! i think im sterile just because of the goddamn heat. i wont be surprised if my nut sacks got sterilized because of the weather (i should have asked in medjur class how hot is hot to have one's balls go sterile). its so hot it felt like i had a fever. im not exaggerating. and i think it also affected my brain functions. i was riding the jeepney a while ago and i was holding a P20 bill. and i didnt recognize it was a P20 bill in my hand. i forgot what i was holding. my hand, my brain and my eyes had a conversation that went a little something like this:

Left Hand: hey brain, im holding something, like a piece of paper. what should i do with it?

Brain: hmm.using the sense of touch, it feels like a small piece of paper and its crumpled. its too small to be of any use and like i said, its crumpled. so based from experience, its a useless scrap of paper and probably should be thrown in the trash bin. theres a trash bin on your right, throw it now.

Eyes: hey, wait a minute, let me see that piece of paper. i may not be the one in charge with the thinking but something tells me that its a bit weird for lefty to be holding a useless piece of paper. where did the paper come from anyway?

Hand: ok, here it is

Eyes: its a P20 bill. umm..with all due respect mr. brain, i dont think that piece of paper is anything but useless.

Brain: sorry, i guess i made a big mistake there. that piece of paper has a monetary value which can be exchanged for goods, services and other commodities depending on the purchasing power allocated upon it by the government that considers it as legal tender and the value granted upon it is also dependent on external factors like its value in the world market. i think. im just a brain of an average person, not a brain of an economist. but i take notice of the fact that the said piece of paper is something of value and i withdraw my former order to have the piece of paper thrown in the trash bin. i should have consulted the sense of sight first before making the decision. so, having re-evaluated the situation, i deem it best that the P20 bill be handed over to the jeepney driver in exchange for the service of transportation. there being no objections from any other body part, let the order be executed.


after that, i felt dizzy with all the non-sensical thoughts running in my head so i decided to just let my brain rest and stare blankly into space

My PC is a whore!

When "my" PC got infected with malware a few weeks ago, i had problems finding out how it got infected. Its rare for the PC to get "uncontrollably" infected by a virus, worm, trojan or malware. I always keep the anti-virus updated and im always careful with possible sources of infection. Most of the time, when the PC gets infected, i know the source. And knowing the source is very important because you need to have the source of the infection virus-scanned so you wont get infected again. Thats why i was very concerned when i found out the PC got infected with malware (which was hard to remove since the anti-virus cant fix it (or detect it at that time). I had to search various online forums that could instruct me on how to "manually" remove it).

Anyway, after a week of trying to fix it, i finally removed the malware (which runs a CMIII program in the background and prevents you from opening your hard drives with an ordinary left click, and i think also prevents you from safely removing flash disks and probably other USB port devices). It took me a week because i had a class everyday, and i needed hours of trying to figure out how to remove it, and another set of hours allocated for a "worst case scenario" (i.e. Reformat the C: drive!) so i also had to back up some files. Anyway, like i said, removing the malware was a success. But that wasnt enough, i need to find the source. Thats when i thought, my PC is a whore (or like a whore) and got infected with a reversible STD. Why? Because what made it difficult for me to find the source is that many people use the PC. Not only my siblings but also my cousins. And they check their emails there and insert their flash disks too. its hard to check and figure out who inserted the offensive instrument in the slot. So one of us must be the carrier of the horrible malware. So the question now was who? Who inserted the infected flash disk in the PC's usb slot. Or dowloaded an infected email and let the malware loose inside the PC. Anyway, im still not sure who the infected carrier is but at least my PC is clean again. And the anti-virus can detect the malware now (and the anti-virus is like a condom and it just so happens that at the time the PC got infected, the "condom was defective", meaning the antivirus was not updated enough to handle the malware). If the PC was a PC in a computer shop, i would say the PC is like a prostitute and not a whore since you have to pay for the services the PC offers.

Im mobile

I like this moblogging thing. Thanks to my cousin and her pocket pc, i can write blog entries almost anywhere and anytime. One place i cant write is inside the jeepney (tried doing that a while ago). Too bad. I get some good ideas during my everyday commute. Anyway, after writing the entry, all i have to do next is look for a wifi zone. And thats not very difficult because there are many wifi zones in places where i usually go to. And thanks to blogger, all i have to do is email the blog entry and the entry gets published automatically. This makes blogging more convenient. The only problem now is thinking of a decent and interesting topic to write about.

Life is a blur

I havent blogged for quite some time. Why? as usual, i dont know. It just happened. I guess i was just so occupied with stuff that i never had time to sit and write something to blog about. Although there's a bunch of stuff i would have wanted to write about (like a possible future of sperm banks, a fearless forecast on 1/3 of the local population and my PC having a life synonymous to a whore), as i said, i guess i just didnt have the time for it.

Right now, im really trying (and i really mean that im REALLY trying) to take my law studies seriously. And thinking of what ive accomplished, its not good enough. its still way below the standards ive set for myself. Old habits do die hard. Or maybe they dont really die, they're just locked in a cage deep within one's mind and you convince yourself it never existed. so begins the never ending battle between improving yourself and becoming what comes naturally.

which is the bigger sin to your own being? To deny yourself of being who you are to become someone of greater intrinsic and extrinsic worth or to deny yourself of becoming a better person just to be at peace with one's innate being. Of course you can always strike a balance. Life isnt black and white after all, but only a few seem to operate within the gray areas (or intentionally operate within it). I mean, life is uncertain, so why live a life of certainty? My answer would be, to gain stability. But that wont escape the principle of striking a balance. So again, you are forced to recognize, adapt and operate in life's gray area. and lately, it seems that i got lost within that gray area. The only thing certain about life is its uncertainty. Cliche.

This is my first blog entry which i wrote in a pocket pc (which my cousin lent to me) and emailed to blogger (i can now appreciate wifi technology!). And i wrote it while waiting for something to finish

new ironman trailer

 

Cashback Quotes

"once upon a time i wanted to know what love was. love is there if you want it to be. you just have to see that its wrapped in beauty and hidden away within the seconds of your life. if you dont stop for a minute, you might miss it." - ben willis

Crush. It's funny how the same word for the feeling of disappointment can be used for the feeling of attraction. The Oxford English Dictionary states one of the meanings for the word crushed as "a strong and unreasoning, but transitory attachment." - ben willis

the female form has always been a great source of fascination. I've always been in awe of the power they posses. - ben willis

The bad news is that time flies. The good news... is that you're the pilot. - ben willis

infected with malware

got infected with a malware last saturday. well, im not sure if it was just last saturday but thats when i found out about it. when i clicked to open one of my hard drives, it didnt open (like it should). i tried the other drives, same thing. it only opened when i right clicked explore. or typed the drive. i checked the task manager and saw that a CMIII program was running. and thats the first time i saw such program so i just clicked "end task". and nothing happened. it didnt make things worse, nor any better. i still cant open my hard drives. so what i did was run registry mechanic. no help there. updated my antivirus. again, no help. so i "googled" the problem. there i found from one of those free online tech help/support forums that im infected with a malware. so i followed the instructions already available on the thread i found (but it took me a week before i was able to do so since i felt that if i dont do it correctly, i might need to reformat the PC and i dont have a back-up! so i had to wait til i had hours to spare for a worst case scenario). when that didnt work, i posted a message on the online forum. well, still no reply. but at least i think i got rid of the malware. i checked my task manager again and i dont see the CMIII program anymore. and then my antivirus detected an infected exe file., which it deleted of course. but it didnt fix my hard drive problem. still cant open it. only then did i find out that theres another program to be downloaded to finally fix and restore a certain crucial file. so i did just that. and i think i finally fixed my PC and got rid of the malware. im still going to find out if my PC can still boot after i shut it down. thats when i can say thats my PC running like it should

Ironman Superbowl TV spot

new year's resolution...sort of

i think this will be my first time that im going to make a new year's resolution. Well, sort of new year's resolution. According to Answers.com/Wikipedia a New Year's Resolution is "a commitment that an individual makes to a project or a habit, often a lifestyle change that is generally interpreted as advantageous".

So how do i start? Well, there are three new year's text greetings that i decided to guide me in making my new year's resolution.

Ive received this one more than twice, maybe thrice. This is the original version from Neil Gaiman' online journal (because there's a little variation with the text messages i received):
May your coming year be filled with magic and dreams and good madness. I hope you read some fine books and kiss someone who thinks you're wonderful, and don't to forget make some art -- write or draw or build or sing or live as only you can. And I hope, somewhere in the next year, you surprise yourself. - Neil Gaiman

These are the other two text messages:
If you cannot be grateful for what you have received, then be thankful for what you have been spared. Life is short, live it. Love is rare, grab it. Anger is bad, dump it. Fear is awful, face it. Keep and cherish all memories that are sweet. Let us forget all hurt and grievances and start anew

Life is short, break the rules, forgive quickly, kiss slowly, love truly, laugh uncontrollably, and never regret anything that made you smile.

So what now? Well, now with the list.

1. A year filled with magic, dreams and good madness. Well, the magic part is a little tricky. Hmm. Is this an equivalent of being wished good luck? There is something magical with being extraordinarily lucky. ok, i dont think i would have control over that. As for dreams, well, i guess it can only be done by sleeping well. So does this mean, have good nights of sleep? That's manageable. ive never been a person that deprives myself of sleep. Now the last one, good madness, what does this mean? According to Professor Roy Porter, it might be a "sort of divine experience, a holy innocence" or an "indifference to worldly things like money" and through "the power of imagination, seeing things that others couldn't". Is this what Gaiman meant? Or is it simply having a healthy sense of insanity. Sanity, for me, is overrated anyway. So, after a long discussion, the first one on the list is simply, having a healthy dose of craziness from time to time.

2. Read some fine books. This is a little difficult. Even if i wanted to read books, i dont really have that much time. But its not impossible. ive done it last year, i think i was able to read 3-4 books. thats not much. but im in law school and sometimes, all the reading i have to do gets to be so tiring that i cant even enjoy a non-law book. But this year, im going to find time to read books other than those required in school. maybe read some encyclopedias. thats what i liked to read when i was a kid. and dictionaries. the first sci-fi novel i read was Madeleine L'Engle's "A Swiftly Tilting Planet" (i was a first year high school student and i insisted on reviewing a sci-fi novel instead of classic literature).

3. Kiss someone who thinks youre wonderful/Kiss slowly. Ok, im going to pass on this one. Maybe in next year's New Year's Resolution. So, instead of kiss, maybe show some form of affection? maybe not. how about, show some emotion. positive emotion. thats a bit acceptable, and realistic and less of a "giant leap" from being "emotionally dead"

4. Make some art. Draw, build or sing. Well, i stopped drawing when i was in highschool. I stopped singing (in public) the moment i got tired of nursery rhymes. So maybe i should buy a sketchpad and sign pen and just draw stuff. and maybe sing when im bored. ok, is this a new year's resolution? well, it said it involves a lifestyle change and lifestyle involves one's activities, so i guess this can be part of a new year's resolution. its not really just becoming more responsible. it could be shaping a more enjoyable life

5. Write. Well, this is what the blog is for. but the blog entries ive done since i started more than a year ago isnt really the kind of stuff i want to write. i wanted a thought-provoking blog (like philosophical or political blogs. or my observations on human behavior and society). but well, laziness and procrastination always gets in the way (and a sudden lack of confidence). i wanted to have a blog where i can use the stuff i learned in college and the stuff im learning right now. maybe i should try writing a radio drama or short stories.

7. Live as only you can. this is probably the hardest to do in the list. the thing is, i always exhibit self-restraint. and i cant just loosen up because im like a freak on a leash (do i dare let my mood swings take control?). but im going to try to find a way to at least do this one.

8. Surprise yourself. this one would be easy. ive already done it. when i started fixing my hair, im as surprised as everyone else. all i remember is that last december 30, i went out to buy shaving cream. i wasnt able to buy one. but bought some hair wax. why? i have no idea. since then, ive been using it to fix my hair. and people think its a new hairstyle when it really isnt. the way i comb my hair is the same and its been like that since highschool (brush up). it just so happens that it looks different when my hair dries up. when i put the hair wax, my hair just dries up a lot slower, so people get to see the "combed" version of my hair. and with hair wax, my hair is less messy. so its not really a new hairstyle. thats how i look after taking a shower. well, after combing my hair, fresh from the shower. and surprising myself is a bit easy since sometimes, i do things without thinking. like for example, the next thing i know, im in cubao! why i went there, i have no idea.

9. Be thankful. This is just a continuation of what i started more than a year ago. every night, im thankful for every single day that i receive, no matter how miserable i might feel about it. why? well, because misery is just what i feel but it wont change the fact that another day is still a blessing, a continuation to enjoy the gift of life. but of course, i try not to waste every day im given, regardless of what i feel. i try to live it and make it meaningful

10. Love is rare, grab it and love truly. According to Thomas Jay Oord (philosopher and theologian), to love is to "act intentionally, in sympathetic response to others (including God), to promote overall well-being". Love can be interpersonal (like friendship and kinship) or impersonal (love for animals, activities, country, material objects, etc). So, i think this love thing is manageable enough. its just liking something on a deeper and more meaningful level but not to the point that it would be considered as an addiction

11. Face one's fears. well, i try to do this every day whenever my law classes start. i started law school not fearing anything. my professor's cant hurt me. i make my grades, not them. well, thats not entirely true. and life in law school isnt that simple. the moment you start to realize where you are exactly as a law student and where you are heading and where you will be the moment youre done with the bar, holy crap, fear no longer seems to be just in one's head, it becomes as real as it possibly can. sort of. point is, back in college, fear wasnt a problem. maybe its part of growing old too. when youre a kid, you dont have as much fears or as concrete as the fears adults have. usually a kid's fear is just rooted from imagination. as for adults, it takes a rational form.

12. Cherish sweet memories. well, i always do. thats why i think 50 First Dates is a little tragic since Lucy cant form new memories. its like a part of her is already dead. "sweet" memories and memorable moments are one the things some people value so much and they try to hold on to it as long as they possibly can. its one the things that is hard to take away from a person.

13. Never regret anything...that made you smile. ok, what makes me smile? as for the regret part, i always try not to regret things i do.

14. Be nice to doctors. Well, i mentioned earlier that im going to add this in case i make a new year's resolution

15. Exercise. i sort of started last year, by walking home. but i did that in anticipation of the baguio trip so im in a better physical condition (and december is the most expensive month, so i was under the "tag-tipid" season, so more reason to walk home instead of commuting). ever since the classes started again, the only walking ive done so far is walking inside the mall. well, i always go to the mall. everyday actually, right after my last class. maybe i should commit to walking home.

16. Study harder. Ok, last semester's efforts wasnt good enough to take me out of the "hot seat". im one step closer to the edge and im about to break (linkin park). this might be my last chance to stay in law school so i better pull myself together. problem is, i have the tendency to "zone out". i might be in the library but sometimes, im not really reading, im just staring at the page. my mind is somewhere else. and sometimes, i read for about 10-15 minutes and then, i feel extremely sleepy and im the type who easily gives in to sleep. so, i better exert a lot more effort

17. have a sense of discipline. wake up early and not give in to sleep easily. try to finish stuff that ought to be finished or can be finished. dont procrastinate and being lazy is not an option. i think this is a year's worth of new year's resolution already in one item.

18. focus. simple enough. i easily get distracted or sometimes, i dont even try to focus. i let my mind stay cluttered while im talking with someone. thats rude. sure i pay attention but im not that mindful of my surroundings and sometimes stuff dont sink in. i really have a very short attention span.

19. be friendly or be nice. well, try to expressive of it anyway.

20. last but not the least, commit! and one way of doing this is trying to accomplish all of these.

Green Team!

will this be the future of television and newspapers?

From Inquirer.com:

"The Japanese giant behind the Panasonic brand said Tuesday that it will introduce Internet-ready plasma TVs in North America in the spring that allow users to browse videos on YouTube and photos from Google-based web albums.
Rival Sony Corp. also announced that from this spring it will launch televisions offering access to free Internet video content from providers including AOL, Yahoo, Sony Pictures Entertainment and Sony BMG Music.
The TVs will be able to receive streaming broadband video, including high-definition content, Sony said. Both announcements were made at the Consumer Electronics Show in Las Vegas."

will this be a threat to cable companies? there isnt much to watch on cable channels anyway (especially when SkyCable dropped the Solar channels and replaced them with crappy ones. sorry but i really dont like any of the new channels). i watch my late shows, tv series, and sitcoms in my PC. and in YouTube, you can sometimes watch a lot more interesting stuff than whatever's available in cable (or whatever you missed in cable). So these announcements of an internet-ready TV is really an interesting development. but then again, cable companies are also providing cable internet services. so, i guess they would also be covered by whatever benefit would arise from internet-ready TVs.

im still more interested with the development of an electronic paper where you can download e-books or online newspapers on a device that looks like a broadsheet thats a little thicker than bond paper. its like a large version of a paperlike foldable LCD screen which has a USB slot so you can just dowload from the PC stuff you want to read. its like a reusable paper and would make it possible for a newspaper to be like the Daily Prophet with moving pictures. not sure if there is such a development. there's only a foldable LCD screen which i think Sony has produced (or planning to produce) for cellphones. i think with this technology, a reusable electronic paper would be possible. no need to wait for your newspaper every morning. Newspaper companies would just have to produce a format for an electronic paper and there would be no need to use paper or read the news from the PC. its like a high-tech old school newspaper. and also waterproof (no worries with spilling the coffee). but of course, the question would be, how much would it take to produce and develop this technology. and online newspapers might start charging the downloads since newspaper companies cant operate for free (assuming people start switching to this method of reading newspapers). am i the only one who wants to have newspapers that's similar to the Daily Prophet? or have a reusable electronic paper?

Dog saves boy from fire by biting foot

Read this in Yahoo news yesterday. its basically about a dog that saved the boy's life by biting his foot to wake him up when their house caught fire. Really nice of the dog to save his master right? but then again, if the dog loved his master, isnt it just natural for it to save him? but some would probably say, "its a dog! its amazing that it thought of saving his master or that they are in danger" Well, the dog has always been credited with loyalty, so would it still be surprising that it saved his master? A dog can think, so im not surprised that it did that. And its possible that a dog can decide whether it should save its master or not (depending on how it feels abouts its master).

Anyway, what im trying to say is, are animals really as stupid as we think (or as i think people think)? They could probably be much smarter and secretly laughing at how stupid humans are. Douglas Adams in his book said, humans are third in rank when in comes to being the smartest in the planet. the second placer in terms of intelligence are the dolphins. the mice are the most intelligent beings in the planet. why? well, read the book :). its fiction so its not really offensive to humans who consider themselves as the pinnacle of evolution.

point is, when i watch national geographic channel, scientists and researchers say they are surprised and amazed whenever animals beat humans in some tests regarding intelligence and brain use. it depends on how we define intelligence in the first place. of course, with the way we craft the definition, its based on how we understand intelligence and the standards we set. i mean, fine, a dog is illiterate. its not capable of being literate but what use is literacy for a dog? and our form of literacy is for humans. so why would a dog aspire to adopt that? its possible for dogs having their own set of rules for literacy. they can communicate with each other dont they? literacy is for reading and writing, and reading and writing is for communicating with others and expressing oneself. dogs are fully capable of the latter. we developed this literacy thing because its convenient and complicated at the same time. i noticed that humans like to complicate things to make thing convenient. example is technology, the more complicated it gets, the more convenient things are. point is, maybe animals dont have a thing for that. they like to keep things simple. being attuned with their environment and the planet is enough. having the bare necessities is sufficient to make their lives worthwhile. that doesnt make them "stupid" as we think. it just so happens we have a different way of measuring intelligence.

my heart hurts. cant i make it numb?

is there something wrong with my heart? ive been having these chest pains somewhere in my heart area since after lunch today.

i think i prefer a heart attack over a brain stroke. its like a mind over heart thing. like, i would rather have my heart malfunction than my brain.

why isnt there a change of heart status? like for example, there's such a thing as brain dead after some kind of accident. why isnt there like a cold heart syndrome or something? well because emotions do not really originate from the heart, the literal heart. emotions are still part of one's brain functions. but still it would be an interesting thing. like after recovering from the accident that damaged the heart area, the doctor would say, "im sorry but he's just a stone cold person devoid of any positive or negative emotion. he's a purely rational and mechanical being now. he's not human anymore. im sorry"

how this blogging thing started...for me

This is a question i ask myself until now. Why do i blog? When i first heard of this (i think this was sometime in 2003), i didnt even find the idea of blogging interesting. i felt it was like a self-centered website with the purpose of self-promotion (but of course, i was wrong. but didnt blogs started out this way? and isnt it something for a self-absorbed person like me?).

Well, i started blogging more than a year ago. The reason? i felt i needed to write. Just write stuff. since i became a law student, it was more of just reading. and when it comes to writing, it isnt really the kind of writing college students do. The point is, i felt my writing skills would deteriorate. im not really much of a writer but since high school, ive really tried to improve my writing skills. and i wouldnt want all of that effort wasted just because im not required to write. so i thought, maybe i could do some blogging and just write. and hopefully, i could also improve the way i write. im not aiming to be a very good writer (although i dont mind, hehe). i just want to write effectively and communicate well in written form (since im so moody, its hard to catch me in the mood to communicate well in non-written form).

but then came the problem of what will i write about? ive got lots of ideas i would have wanted to write but i ended up with a blog that serves as an online diary. why? first, whenever im in the mood to write, im not in front of the PC. the moment im logged in, im not as enthusiastic or excited to write about the idea. there's really no motivation for me to write. im used to writing stuff when the deadline's near (but the best papers ive written in college are the ones i didnt cram). so just for the sake of writing something, i write entries that arent really for public consumption. i write it with the intended reader to be me. so, its like an online record of ideas or pieces of thoughts i want to remind myself someday, aside from the usual, "what happened to me today?". So my blog entries sometimes (or most times) are just like an online back-up of stuff in my head. so thats why i continued blogging. it serves that purpose. but of course, im still trying to change that, or add to it, the purpose of writing well-made blog articles that are meaningful, significant and makes a lot of sense. in short, blog entries that are really worth reading. im not saying that blog entries that are "self-centered" are worthless. they're fun to read and could provide bits and pieces of interesting information. it just so happens that im not contented with that and i want to write thought-provoking stuff. i want a blog that serves the purpose of improving my writing skills, keeping my mind sharp and updated with current events. i need to have this kind of blog badly because i think im suffering from some sort of mental retardation

infected by the "bobonic" plague and spreading it

thanks to mr. samonte, im hooked to this radio show (which i listen to everytime i have a chance). the name of the radio show is The Brewrats, 9pm-12midnight, on 99.5 Hit FM (formerly 99.5 RT). it airs from monday to thursday (Educational Monday, Bring-a-Guest Tuesday, Cultural Wednesday, and Sando Party Thursday).

my cousin told me about this radio show months earlier (september 29 to be exact) but i wasnt really that interested in checking it out because it was a radio show. that simple. i dont listen to FM. DJs annoy me. if i wanted to listen to music, im going to play some CDs or mp3s. what i didnt realize back then (or didnt sink in) was that she was talking about a radio show hosted by Angel Rivero, Ramon Bautista and Tado. these are the people from the extremely entertaining and groundbreaking show of UNTV, Strangebrew! if these are the DJs of the radio show, most likely, it will be a very unique radio program, like something youve never heard before and that it would be very funny. and true enough, it is. if not for mr samonte's text message telling me to check it out (he said strangebrew on radio, which for some reason made me interested, as opposed to just telling me that Angel, Ramon and Tado are DJs. why didnt i see the connection before!) i wouldnt have found out that the show was like a radio version of strangebrew (which a lot of people miss very much, including me). its so different and funny. ive never heard a radio show like it (or DJs that speak like Ramon and Tado. but then again, i dont listen to FM). and i listen to the show not for the music but just listen to DJs talk about nothing and everything at the same time (plus adult humor). and if they do play some music, the songs they play are usually nice (DJ Angel plays an anime soundtrack from Ranma 1/2 and they have a background music from IL Postino (The Postman), "Loved By Women" if i remember the title correctly).


DJs:
Angel Rivero (astig and pretty Erning of strangebrew, and sounds pretty and astig as a DJ)
Ramon Bautista (of the Ramon Bautista show from MTV (duh!), taong grasa: ang pinakamatalinong tao sa UP who likes Malaysian Holland Tulips, tubero, diwata, Dan Michael master magician)
Tado Jimenez (amo of Erning in strangebrew who became a "bigtime" personality after Strangebrew)

Guests (among others, hehe.the show started august last year. i listened just a few weeks ago):
Inday (she's as hot as her voice. kawaii)
Russian guy (Sergei Sukmeyov...not sure with the spelling)
Miki Hahn

famous brewsters:
Sto Nino guy (with a creepy laugh)
Illiterate guy (which made DJ Tado and Ramon call on the Senate to improve the state of education in our country)
Lamokpunk (born in stagnant water)
Dahlia (ang sabon ng mga artista)
erwin the emo
katuga guy
kikong matsing

Famous terms from the show:
pa-next (ex. how old is your sister? is she pa-next?)
stages of making out: MOMOL, MOMON, MOMOP, MOMOX (ex: inday, momol tayo)
value meal
110 volts, 220 volts, autovolt (ex. is he 110 volts or 220 volts? - is he a foreigner or a local? autovolt is mixed race)
people of the phils
papaya and marang
laslas convention
early-bird callers (ex. lets bang some early bird callers)
bang the phone (ex. you want me to bang you?)

Catchphrases/catchwords:
Wasak! (DJ Angel)
Tama! (DJ Angel)
Astig! (DJ Angel)
ne, kaluguran daka (DJ Tado)
yayayayaya (DJ Tado)
hands in their pockets/hands in your pocket (DJ Ramon)
are you an emo? (usually DJ Ramon)
you want me to bang you? (usually DJ Ramon)
once again once more (all of them/show tagline?)
ur radio is not defective, its just us (all of them/tagline?)

Radio Drama:
"Iputok Mo sa Labas!"
Carding - pinakamainit na starlet ng taon, ang maginoo ng Cainta...DJ Ramon
Neknek, ang babaeng patapon - binalot sa tabloid, binalot sa tsismis, ang maalindog...DJ Angel
Efren Reynes the Third, ang tanging tagapagmana ng Hacienda Santa Filomena at tatlong talyer sa QC - kandidato para sa bise consehal sa 2010...DJ Tado

Setting: bodega ng basura sa Maynila pero flashback sa province

Lines from the Radio Drama (not verbatim):

"mas mabuting mamatay na lang ako sa impeksyon kaysa sa mga putok ni Efren Reynes the third, tanging tagapagmana ng Hacienda Santa Filomena at tatlong talyer sa Quezon City"

"ang problema ko na lang ay ang sugat ko! naimpeksyon na yata dahil sa kaning baboy"

"wow, kay sarap po ng almusal natin! tatlong itlog, isang hotdog at maraming maraming yema! kayo po ba nagluto nito inay? (inay: hindi, nabili ko lang sa 7-11)"

"inay, matagal ko na po itong pinag-isipan. nais ko pong magsakripisyo para maabot ang aking mga pangarap. na abutin ang mga bituin at anihin ang bunga ng aking pagod. handa na po akong lumipad na parang lawin at ibuka ang aking mga pakpak. ipagaspas at salubungin ang daluyong tungo sa bagong liwanag. may harang mang sibat, kahit ano pong iharang sa akin. tapakan ko man ang mga bubog na darating. hindi po ako matitinag. handa po akong magsakripisyo inay. pangarap ko pong maging....ISKWATER"

"mahihirapan ka anak, grade 4 lang ang natapos mo at gusto mo maging squatter?"

"ngunit inay, hindi nyo naiintindihan! iba na po ang henerasyon namin ngayon. at naghanda po ako sa araw na to. matagal ko na po pinaghandaan. simula po mga apat na araw ang nakakalipas, pinag-isipan ko na po ito"

"di ko inuutusan ang aking paboritong si Carding. nagkakakalyo lang ang kamay nun sa paglalaro ng DotA. pero hindi ko yun inuutusan magpakain ng aming isang libo walongraan tatlongput-pitong pabo!"

"Magkano tiket? Pupunta po akong Maynila, para maging isang squatter. Wala po bang discount? Grade 4 po ako."

"ilalabas ko ang aking bagong-bagong Ipod Classic. 160 gigabytes. kulay gray. at punung-puno ng apat na kanta"

"pahawak naman nyan oh. sige na, hawak lang eh. di pa ko nakakahawak nyan eh. oh ayan oh, hahawakan ko na ah. neknek, nasa puno ng mangga naman tayo eh."

"bakit ganito tong pantalon ko, basang basa?"

"tatlong araw na kitang minamanmanan! tatlong araw ka ring naging hunghang!"

"hunghang carding! kung bus ticket ang iyong binili, ako, binili ko ang bus na ito!"

"salbahe ka efren reynes the third, salbahe ka!"

"dugo at pawis ang aking pinupunuhan sa pagnanakaw ng tarpauline sa edsa. nakakawalo ako bawat gabi"

"pinakain na kami, nagkapera pa ko! di ko lang alam kung bakit paggising ko, masakit na ang puwitan ko. marahil sa sobrang kalangisan, ay nakatulog akong nakahubad."

"isipin mo, kung talagang mahal ka ni Carding, sana sinama ka nya sa manila para dalawa kayong squatter dun. tapos doon, aanakan ka nya ng marami, para manlimos kayo sa EDSA"

"para malimutan mo problema mo, uminom tayo ng alak. para tayong dalawa magwasakan. doon tayo ilalim ng puno ng mangga. tatagay tayo dun. wawasakin kita, wawaskin mo ako"

"Efren, ano ang ginagawa mo! tama na! ayoko, ano ba?! Aaaah! bakit may parang malamig akong nararamdaman sa tuhod ko!? kamay mo na yata yan eh! Aaaah! alisin mo na! rapist! hinawakan mo ang tuhod ko! nawalan na akong puri! ginahasa ako ni Efren, hinawakan nya ang tuhod ko! mga kapitbahay tulungan nyo ako! hinipuan ako sa tuhod ni Efren Reynes the 3rd. wala na ako mukhang ihaharap sa barrio. nawalan na ako ng puri. isa na akong patapon! sasama na lang ako sa mga patapon na tulad ko, manila! here i come!"

"Carding: pano mo nalaman hanapin tong bahay ko? (Efren: ano ko ba? syempre, gi-noogle earth kita)"

"Carding, i found you! i looked all over squatterland to look for you but now youre here."

"Bakit Carding, you dont like it? its all casualties in my search for you but now i found you and thats all that matters"

"who you calling patapon?"

"unti-unti kitang sisirain Carding. pagagamitan kita ng droga! ipapakilala ko sya sa sugal, alak at babae. isasali ko sya sa fraternity! bwahahaha!"

"kung di ka magpapakita sa iyong pinagtataguan na bodegang 10 meters, papaslangin ko ang babaeng ito!"

"sinasabi ko na nga ba, iniibig mo ang babaeng patapon na si neknek"

"ito ang ulo ko! tingnan mong mabuti!"

"neknek takbo! ilag! tumbling neknek! tumumbling ka! ilag neknek!"

"Efren: itong sayo, uppercut! susuwagin kita! duduraan kta sa mukha! (Carding: sandali, walang ganyayan!)"

"Carding, parang may nakita akong bazooka sa basurahan!"

"iputok mo na! pero sa labas, wag sa loob! iputok mo na! game na please!"

"neknek, kahit patapon ka, haliparot, halipandas, syota ng bayan. kahit sabihin nilang kaladkarin ka, panext ng sambayanan, iniibig pa din kita. pakakaslaan kita. at aanakan kita ng marami para makapanlimos tayo sa EDSA. ngunit, pa-rehab muna tayo"