i like KFC's california maki twister. unfortunately, its not that affordable so i will have to prohibit myself from craving for it for now (i hope when they say limited time, they mean 3 months. i hate it when i go to the counter of a fast food restaurant only to be told that the product i intend to eat is already "phased out." jollibee does this to me most of the time). i think it was the first KFC commercial that enticed me to buy their product. i usually dont like KFC's commercial (when im not in a mood to tolerate the commercial, i tell my siblings to change the channel. thats how much i dont like their commercials. im not saying they're bad, i just really dont like them and that they should hire experts to do their commercials). but then again, now that i think about it, it wasnt the way the commercial was done that enticed me try their product. it was because it said california maki. i like japanese food. so by merely saying what the product was would have sufficed. the only KFC commercial (alleged KFC commercial) i liked is the one done by Jun Ji-Hyun (it was one of my first posts in this blog).
anyway, if there's anything that really brings out my selfishness, its food. my "i dont care about anyone else" self really comes out. im that guy one wouldnt want to bring in a camping trip when the food is scarce. not that i will let others starve while i eat the limited supply of food (although there is a good probability), its just that it really becomes difficult for me to share food when im really hungry or when i really like the food. someone will have to remind me to share and eat sparingly. or another solution is hide the food from me (something my siblings do).
im also a picky and moody eater. i remember my OLA teammates would ask me if im craving for anything before we go out for lunch. i usually like burgers, fries, pizza, chicken and anything fried (so im not that difficult to go out and eat with. problem is when im craving for a particular burger or pizza). im not a fan of soup (this surprises a lot of people and i dont know why) and food with a lot of liquids. this is why my mother finds it difficult to cook food since im really, really picky lately. and she insists that i cant just keep eating fried food. its not that i wont eat what's available, its just that i wouldnt eat a lot of it. i dont know when this habit developed. i used to eat anything thats edible (except food that tastes like liver). i really do eat anything back then, even leftovers. i still eat leftovers but not as much as i used to. i also used to have this habit of not having any leftovers on my plate. as long as there's still something edible on my plate, i will eat it. well, i grew up to be annoyingly picky.
i also have a big appetite but thats not really true all the time. i easily lose my appetite when im busy (this is one example of a not a hard and fast rule since there can be exceptions, primarily based on mood). thats why when i was still working and i have lots of stuff to do, i tend to forget to have lunch (or would rather not have lunch). i remember when i was taking classes that were scheduled 3-4 hours straight and the last professor had the tendency to extend for 1 to 2 more hours, im no longer in the mood to eat dinner. thats why i easily lose weight when im busy or i have lots of stuff to do. this habit just developed recently (and recently means latter half of this decade)
i also dont like my food to be hot. not that i like them cold but i dont like it hot because i easily burn my tongue (and half my tongue is still injured. after the exams, im going to have this checked). i used to have the habit of smelling my food before eating it. people keep saying its rude (because they notice it when i attend parties). so i stopped doing it. i think this is one of the few instances i listened to other people. i have the nasty habit of doing the opposite what people tell me (or whatever i tell myself).
i just wanted to say that i like KFC's california maki twister and i hope it will still be available after september but i ended up writing about eating habits. i never lost my talkativeness. it just transformed into written form.
Monday, August 23, 2010
Sunday, August 22, 2010
i remember watching this during crim law rev class
its been two years since i watched this during class (and probably four years since i watched a Jun Ji-Hyun movie). if i had a laptop, an internet connection and there was Youtube when i was a college freshman, i wouldnt sleep in class
and if i were taking classes today, these would be the commercial vids i would probably be watching (and distract my seatmate at the same time). at least these vids wont make the people seated behind me wonder what im watching (or find it a bit "scandalous" to watch during class).
and if i were taking classes today, these would be the commercial vids i would probably be watching (and distract my seatmate at the same time). at least these vids wont make the people seated behind me wonder what im watching (or find it a bit "scandalous" to watch during class).
zone out boy
its been a while since ive been a "zone out boy." back then, i zone out so often that friends usually ask me if im ok or if im alright. maybe they just got used to me zoning out and got tired of asking. i always say im ok so why bother asking? but then again, i usually zone out when im in a crowd (that's something i havent been in in a while. i think). its when a lot of people talk at the same time and i cant keep up because i want to catch what everybody's saying (im greedy, i want it all. even meaningless conversations). thats why ive always been "effective" in small group conversations. and speaking with a loud voice is really bothersome, it drains a lot of energy (a friend once described me as an energy saving entity, where all my movements are calculated to use the least amount of energy for any given undertaking, that i dont make unnecessary movements)
i miss zoning out. its usually when i get immersed in an idea or theory. i havent had any idea or theory that captivated me so much that i just cant help but zone out and immerse myself in it to engage in some intellectual and/or philosophical exercise. thats why i think ive grown stupid after i graduated from college.
to digress, i remember my english professors complaining about my "rude" sleeping habits. i was seated in the front row of the class and 70-80% of the whole semester, i was sleeping. i think my english professors started complaining midway through the semester. one of them said i should drink coffee before going to class and wished that Kafka's Metamorphosis happens to me. the other english professor just couldnt take it anymore that she asked me to explain why i sleep in class. after explaining to her why i sleep (i dont remember what i said), she said that my problem was i was suffering from philosophical boredom. her reply to me didnt really help in getting rid of my sleeping habit. years later, i found out why i tend to sleep in class. im not sure what my english professor meant by philosophical boredom but i think the reason i sleep in class is because im really sleepy and bored. it just so happens that i easily give in to sleep. i dont see anything philosophical about it.
i miss zoning out. its usually when i get immersed in an idea or theory. i havent had any idea or theory that captivated me so much that i just cant help but zone out and immerse myself in it to engage in some intellectual and/or philosophical exercise. thats why i think ive grown stupid after i graduated from college.
to digress, i remember my english professors complaining about my "rude" sleeping habits. i was seated in the front row of the class and 70-80% of the whole semester, i was sleeping. i think my english professors started complaining midway through the semester. one of them said i should drink coffee before going to class and wished that Kafka's Metamorphosis happens to me. the other english professor just couldnt take it anymore that she asked me to explain why i sleep in class. after explaining to her why i sleep (i dont remember what i said), she said that my problem was i was suffering from philosophical boredom. her reply to me didnt really help in getting rid of my sleeping habit. years later, i found out why i tend to sleep in class. im not sure what my english professor meant by philosophical boredom but i think the reason i sleep in class is because im really sleepy and bored. it just so happens that i easily give in to sleep. i dont see anything philosophical about it.
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
Gadongk!
a few years back, probably more than half a decade, i heard from a news program that one man stabbed to death his drinking buddy. why? they had an argument on which one is prettier: Ara Mina or Joyce Jimenez (or probably sexier. i dont really care since i dont like both of them). i dont remember which one the assailant liked, whether he is for Ara Mina or Joyce Jimenez but my reaction then was, "another one bites the dust." guys kill each other because of women. if i remember correctly, thats the reason the idea of a "best man" in weddings was conceived (i dont like the way this sentence is constructed...but im not going to revise it because im too lazy to revise. sometimes i wish laziness can be a valid excuse), to ensure that the groom will not have his bride stolen from him. going back to the drinking buddies, i thought to myself, they must have been die hard fans of the two celebs. just because your drinking buddy disagreed with you or insisted that someone else is prettier, youre going to stab him to death already? thats some intense admiration.
ive been a fan of a lot of things. but ive never been a rabid fan to the point that i would do something similar or be offended (well, maybe i would be offended if the comment was unreasonable). ive been reading comments on Youtube about fans defending whatever their object of admiration is and some are really rabid. they infer stuff based from their vast knowledge of the object of admiration as if they are an authority on the person itself (its taking the hobby of observation too far and yes, i consider observing people as a hobby. half a decade ago, someone described me as "the watcher" and a law school friend said that if the world ended, i would probably be the only one who would calmly sit down and watch it crumble before my eyes). they start to hate whatever runs counter to their addiction. this is common to fans of celebrities and fictional characters. they have the tendency to momentarily lose their grip on reality. not that im complaining since their comments are interesting to read (i believe its a fact that crazy people are funny. well, theyre funny to be watched from a safe distance). my point is, never ever lose yourself on things you love. thats just not the point of intensely liking something. or intensely wanting something. you get hooked on something because you have this intense liking for it but never let the intensity take over you. losing one's grip for brief moments is okay but always make sure that it stays that way. that it never goes to the point of crossing the line toward crazytown (really crazytown? cant think of any word better than this?) and do something like the Ara Mina or Joyce Jimenez fan. its just pathetic to be destroyed by the thing that brings you sheer delight or happiness (reminds me of an earlier blog entry about love).
moving to the bar exams (yes, im going to connect this topic to the bar exams like a 4 year old connecting the dots to see a dinosaur when its supposed to be a car, "yeah sure its supposed to end up as a car but if i connect the dots this way, i could produce an image that is somewhat like a dinosaur. or a dinosaur that just underwent plastic surgery to resemble a car that just crashed"), the experience of taking the exam and being a fan can be somewhat similar. some people lose their grip on reality. they develop an intense desire to pass the exam that some are taken over by their own intensity. there are lots of "horror" stories of barristers who suddenly snap and lose it. probably 1/16 of these stories are real (got to throw in a fraction and i was in the mood to throw in 1/16. sorry 1/3, maybe next time). its just an exam. like being a fan of a celeb or fictional character, one has to constantly remind the fan that the celebrity status is most often acquired because its his or her job (as for the fictional character, the fan shouldnt be reminded of it). and being a job for the celebrity, its really no different from other jobs or an office job (ok, maybe there are tons of differences but still, being an actress or singer is still an occupation, a reality that has to be pounded on the head of some fans. their claims or defensive comments will sound less crazy if they take it into consideration). the bar exam is just an exam. and one is given five chances to take it and hopefully pass it. thats very lenient already since some things in life, you only get one shot and if you screw it up, you lose it forever. and if for some very unfortunate reason you strike out and forever disallowed to take the bar exams, its just an obstacle to your ideal profession (it has to be your ideal profession if youre willing to take the bar exams five times. or some promise of some sort that deserves to be depicted in MMK, like swearing in someone's grave that one will be a lawyer no matter what. if thats the case, there are other countries that would probably allow a foreigner to practice law in their country if you pass their bar exam. if not, then migrate there, change citizenship, study law again, take the exam again. point is, if one really wants to be a lawyer, there are other unconventional yet legitimate and legal ways. its burdensome but thats just life's way of saying "if you just dont get it that lawyering isnt for you because youre supposed to become a rockstar and insist on going against what life has in store for you, then go ahead, youre always free to decide you stubborn mule" said in a foreign accent, depending on the country of choice where one will insist to be a lawyer after failing five times here). there are other jobs out there and a lot of people dont get their dream jobs. life goes on for them. sure it sucks but is that something thats supposed to stop you from living? well, for some the answer is yes or maybe but despite the awesomeness of being a lawyer, there are still a lot of other awesome stuff to be in life. well, there just has to be because if there werent any other awesome professions, then everyone would want to be lawyers (or they're just anti-awesome).
ive been a fan of a lot of things. but ive never been a rabid fan to the point that i would do something similar or be offended (well, maybe i would be offended if the comment was unreasonable). ive been reading comments on Youtube about fans defending whatever their object of admiration is and some are really rabid. they infer stuff based from their vast knowledge of the object of admiration as if they are an authority on the person itself (its taking the hobby of observation too far and yes, i consider observing people as a hobby. half a decade ago, someone described me as "the watcher" and a law school friend said that if the world ended, i would probably be the only one who would calmly sit down and watch it crumble before my eyes). they start to hate whatever runs counter to their addiction. this is common to fans of celebrities and fictional characters. they have the tendency to momentarily lose their grip on reality. not that im complaining since their comments are interesting to read (i believe its a fact that crazy people are funny. well, theyre funny to be watched from a safe distance). my point is, never ever lose yourself on things you love. thats just not the point of intensely liking something. or intensely wanting something. you get hooked on something because you have this intense liking for it but never let the intensity take over you. losing one's grip for brief moments is okay but always make sure that it stays that way. that it never goes to the point of crossing the line toward crazytown (really crazytown? cant think of any word better than this?) and do something like the Ara Mina or Joyce Jimenez fan. its just pathetic to be destroyed by the thing that brings you sheer delight or happiness (reminds me of an earlier blog entry about love).
moving to the bar exams (yes, im going to connect this topic to the bar exams like a 4 year old connecting the dots to see a dinosaur when its supposed to be a car, "yeah sure its supposed to end up as a car but if i connect the dots this way, i could produce an image that is somewhat like a dinosaur. or a dinosaur that just underwent plastic surgery to resemble a car that just crashed"), the experience of taking the exam and being a fan can be somewhat similar. some people lose their grip on reality. they develop an intense desire to pass the exam that some are taken over by their own intensity. there are lots of "horror" stories of barristers who suddenly snap and lose it. probably 1/16 of these stories are real (got to throw in a fraction and i was in the mood to throw in 1/16. sorry 1/3, maybe next time). its just an exam. like being a fan of a celeb or fictional character, one has to constantly remind the fan that the celebrity status is most often acquired because its his or her job (as for the fictional character, the fan shouldnt be reminded of it). and being a job for the celebrity, its really no different from other jobs or an office job (ok, maybe there are tons of differences but still, being an actress or singer is still an occupation, a reality that has to be pounded on the head of some fans. their claims or defensive comments will sound less crazy if they take it into consideration). the bar exam is just an exam. and one is given five chances to take it and hopefully pass it. thats very lenient already since some things in life, you only get one shot and if you screw it up, you lose it forever. and if for some very unfortunate reason you strike out and forever disallowed to take the bar exams, its just an obstacle to your ideal profession (it has to be your ideal profession if youre willing to take the bar exams five times. or some promise of some sort that deserves to be depicted in MMK, like swearing in someone's grave that one will be a lawyer no matter what. if thats the case, there are other countries that would probably allow a foreigner to practice law in their country if you pass their bar exam. if not, then migrate there, change citizenship, study law again, take the exam again. point is, if one really wants to be a lawyer, there are other unconventional yet legitimate and legal ways. its burdensome but thats just life's way of saying "if you just dont get it that lawyering isnt for you because youre supposed to become a rockstar and insist on going against what life has in store for you, then go ahead, youre always free to decide you stubborn mule" said in a foreign accent, depending on the country of choice where one will insist to be a lawyer after failing five times here). there are other jobs out there and a lot of people dont get their dream jobs. life goes on for them. sure it sucks but is that something thats supposed to stop you from living? well, for some the answer is yes or maybe but despite the awesomeness of being a lawyer, there are still a lot of other awesome stuff to be in life. well, there just has to be because if there werent any other awesome professions, then everyone would want to be lawyers (or they're just anti-awesome).
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
Sunday, August 15, 2010
The Pineapple Matchmaker Duel Incident
[During a sword fight]
Marshall: Woe is me! I'm not married yet! My ovaries are shrinking! Ted! If you wanted to be married by now, you would be, but you're not. And you know why? Because you're irrationally picky, you're easily distracted and you're utterly anhedonic.
Ted: Anhedonic?
Marshall: Anhedonic. It means you can't enjoy anything.
Ted: The hell I can't. I'm enjoying this.
Marshall: I know, this rules!
Lily: Don't Ted-out about it.
Ted: Did you just use my name as a verb?
Barney: Oh, yeah, we do that behind your back. "Ted-out": to overthink. Also see "Ted-up". "Ted-up": to overthink with disastrous results. For example, "Billy Tedded-up when he..."
Ted: All right, I get it!
Barney: Your brain screws you up, Ted, it gets in the way. It happened with Robin, it happened with "Half-Boob", and its gonna keep on happening until you power down that bucket of neuroses inebriation-style.
Marshall: [after Barney pushes a shot to Ted] Interesting...
Ted: What... You want me to do a shot?
Barney: Oh no... I want you to do five shots.
Marshall: More interesting.
Ted: [takes first shot] Let me tell you something about this brain, okay?
[takes second shot]
Ted: Pure alcohol cannot stop this brain.
[takes third shot]
Ted: This brain, dear mortals, is no ordinary brain.
[takes fourth shot]
Ted: This is a superbrain.
[takes fifth shot]
Ted: This brain is unstoppable. This brain...
Older Ted: And that's all I remember.
Marshall: Woe is me! I'm not married yet! My ovaries are shrinking! Ted! If you wanted to be married by now, you would be, but you're not. And you know why? Because you're irrationally picky, you're easily distracted and you're utterly anhedonic.
Ted: Anhedonic?
Marshall: Anhedonic. It means you can't enjoy anything.
Ted: The hell I can't. I'm enjoying this.
Marshall: I know, this rules!
Lily: Don't Ted-out about it.
Ted: Did you just use my name as a verb?
Barney: Oh, yeah, we do that behind your back. "Ted-out": to overthink. Also see "Ted-up". "Ted-up": to overthink with disastrous results. For example, "Billy Tedded-up when he..."
Ted: All right, I get it!
Barney: Your brain screws you up, Ted, it gets in the way. It happened with Robin, it happened with "Half-Boob", and its gonna keep on happening until you power down that bucket of neuroses inebriation-style.
Marshall: [after Barney pushes a shot to Ted] Interesting...
Ted: What... You want me to do a shot?
Barney: Oh no... I want you to do five shots.
Marshall: More interesting.
Ted: [takes first shot] Let me tell you something about this brain, okay?
[takes second shot]
Ted: Pure alcohol cannot stop this brain.
[takes third shot]
Ted: This brain, dear mortals, is no ordinary brain.
[takes fourth shot]
Ted: This is a superbrain.
[takes fifth shot]
Ted: This brain is unstoppable. This brain...
Older Ted: And that's all I remember.
Friday, August 13, 2010
so this explains why my recent blog entries were about women im addicted to
i was looking for a previous blog entry on me being a supposed former infatuation junkie and i couldnt find any. thats odd. i could have sworn i posted a blog entry having that as a topic. i browsed drafts (i dont delete some blog entries that i dont publish. might be useful someday) and i didnt find it. well, i didnt really search thoroughly. the reason im looking for it is because whatever i wrote there might be useful now. and since it apparently doesnt exist, might as well write it now for future reference. so note to future self, here's the supposed former infatuation junkie blog entry. the date today isnt easy to forget.
so im a supposed former infatuation junkie. i think i started becoming an infatuation junkie way back in high school. i started becoming a former infatuation junkie during the latter part of college. i realized that im a supposed former infatuation junkie during law school. or maybe earlier. i dont really know when exactly but what i do know is that i thought i stopped being an infatuation junkie during the latter years of my college life because i dont recall having any infatuation for anyone during that time. or so i think. this is one of my problems. i cant really say for sure sometimes because i have the tendency to hide things from myself. i can keep secrets from myself ala Fight Club (sort of). its not that im not aware, i just purposely forget (got the idea when i read about the Russian who had a very good memory that it became so burdensome he developed a system for him to forget things). like the scene in Inception where Cobb and Ariadne were in the elevator. its simply compartmentalizing your memories and keeping them locked somewhere beyond the reach of consciousness (the same way as compartmentalizing one's personalities which is best illustrated in the Father in FMA:B and probably the reason for my inconsistencies since i nurture personalities that contradict each other. well, i like to see as many viewpoints as possible). this is different from altering your memories. got the idea from Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. although in that movie, memories were erased, i thought of another idea from the process. now why would one alter one's memory? well, theyre not irreversibly altered but...its like the one in Harry Potter where one can tamper with one's memory in order to protect one's secrets in case someone tries to see the memory. im not saying i think someone can see my memory but...point is, it has its application in the real world. i just think im starting to sound like a crazy person. well, i prefer to be seen as someone who likes to tweak at the capacity of the human brain and using myself as a test subject.
after digressing, i havent really figured out how to deal with being an infatuation junkie (future self would probably say, "really? wow, this entry is useful. you gots to give me more than this past self or...well, i cant actually threaten you can i?"
i just have an indulgent personality (which was my answer to my college friend in 2004 while on board a taxi passing Ortigas (damn you Ortigas!) when he asked: why are you afraid of being in a relationship? well, if i posted the draft of the blog entry that precedes this blog entry (it precedes it in a chronological manner), my answer to that friend is really a half-truth). i think my being an infatuation junkie developed because i was placed in a school exclusively for boys. i mean, ive started having crushes when i was in grade one and had a new crush every year. seriously, every year, different girl. then high school, i enrolled in an all boys school (which i sort of blame for sucking the life out of me. thats when i changed from being a cheerful, hyperactive kid to a...energy saving, weird and bored hater). one just cant be happy in such a place (i guess it messed me up beyond repair).
thank God for TV, i can still see females of the human specie that i could possibly have a crush on. well, it was the next best thing. i just had this need to like someone i guess and i cant find any in my high school obviously. no one in the neighborhood either. and thats how i became an infatuation junkie. that infatuation lasted for years. when i shared this to a college friend (because we were running out of things to talk about), she first looked at me with disbelief and when she realized i wasnt kidding, she said she will never see me the same way again. years later (which was last year), not sure if she noticed, she and some other college friends would find this infatuation in "my" laptop. and my reply was "i dont know how it got there. probably my sister's." i got a "yeah right" reply from one of them but seriously, i dont know how it got there. must have placed it there unconsciously because i wasnt even aware that its inside the laptop.
now i understand why my infatuation junkie self kicked in. its because im "locked up"! i discouraged myself from going out because pretty women distract me (and they distract me more when they sit near me and are wearing intoxicating perfumes. luckily i havent encountered anyone wearing a raspberry scent. i would probably flip. just thinking about the scent is really driving me nuts. why does she have...anyways). avoiding distractions didnt actually help. now i see the problem. i cant go out because i get distracted (and the reason i get distracted easily because im avoiding "distractions" of the persistent kind. i havent been in hermit mode for quite some time so that probably aggravated things. why the hell did i abandon hermit mode? wait, yeah, i remember, something happened in 2009. damn it. i was conditioning myself back then for the bar already. i just had to disobey myself. Life, whatever your fucking plan is, it better be good because i think my plan is great but you just keep interfering). if i continue to stay indoors, infatuation junkie self kicks in. pretty women are my fucking weakness (if i like women that much, why do i appear to have an aversion toward them? that can be answered by referring to the blog entry that precedes this post chronologically. unfortunately, it contains sensitive information so i didnt post it. without the blog entry, the answer is obvious anyway. it has to do with something like Superman not exposing himself to kryptonite. i never liked Superman. always been a Batman person. well, more of Marvel person so Batman was the only one i like in the DC Universe. again, i digress).
damn it. there's no cure for something i dont want to be cured of. its either i give in to the "distraction" of the persistent kind so i wont be easily distracted when i go out or...there is no or. wait, there is. or i continue indulging until i get fed up (thats not really an option now is it?). the latter suggestion is stupid (and so is the former. sort of). my first infatuation lasted for 2-3 years. but then again, that was when i was "locked-up" in an all boy school. i mean, i had to keep my sanity within the sausage fest walls. a possible solution is to purposely forget my current infatuation but i havent really tried blocking an infatuation before. i just let it run its course and die out on its own. this could last for weeks or months. i'll probably figure someting out.
i think this blog entry just confirmed the fact that im a girl. well, im a lesbian, a girl attracted to girls. well, a lesbian stuck in a guy's body so it kinda works out. actually, this just confirms im very, very weird.
so im a supposed former infatuation junkie. i think i started becoming an infatuation junkie way back in high school. i started becoming a former infatuation junkie during the latter part of college. i realized that im a supposed former infatuation junkie during law school. or maybe earlier. i dont really know when exactly but what i do know is that i thought i stopped being an infatuation junkie during the latter years of my college life because i dont recall having any infatuation for anyone during that time. or so i think. this is one of my problems. i cant really say for sure sometimes because i have the tendency to hide things from myself. i can keep secrets from myself ala Fight Club (sort of). its not that im not aware, i just purposely forget (got the idea when i read about the Russian who had a very good memory that it became so burdensome he developed a system for him to forget things). like the scene in Inception where Cobb and Ariadne were in the elevator. its simply compartmentalizing your memories and keeping them locked somewhere beyond the reach of consciousness (the same way as compartmentalizing one's personalities which is best illustrated in the Father in FMA:B and probably the reason for my inconsistencies since i nurture personalities that contradict each other. well, i like to see as many viewpoints as possible). this is different from altering your memories. got the idea from Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. although in that movie, memories were erased, i thought of another idea from the process. now why would one alter one's memory? well, theyre not irreversibly altered but...its like the one in Harry Potter where one can tamper with one's memory in order to protect one's secrets in case someone tries to see the memory. im not saying i think someone can see my memory but...point is, it has its application in the real world. i just think im starting to sound like a crazy person. well, i prefer to be seen as someone who likes to tweak at the capacity of the human brain and using myself as a test subject.
after digressing, i havent really figured out how to deal with being an infatuation junkie (future self would probably say, "really? wow, this entry is useful. you gots to give me more than this past self or...well, i cant actually threaten you can i?"
i just have an indulgent personality (which was my answer to my college friend in 2004 while on board a taxi passing Ortigas (damn you Ortigas!) when he asked: why are you afraid of being in a relationship? well, if i posted the draft of the blog entry that precedes this blog entry (it precedes it in a chronological manner), my answer to that friend is really a half-truth). i think my being an infatuation junkie developed because i was placed in a school exclusively for boys. i mean, ive started having crushes when i was in grade one and had a new crush every year. seriously, every year, different girl. then high school, i enrolled in an all boys school (which i sort of blame for sucking the life out of me. thats when i changed from being a cheerful, hyperactive kid to a...energy saving, weird and bored hater). one just cant be happy in such a place (i guess it messed me up beyond repair).
thank God for TV, i can still see females of the human specie that i could possibly have a crush on. well, it was the next best thing. i just had this need to like someone i guess and i cant find any in my high school obviously. no one in the neighborhood either. and thats how i became an infatuation junkie. that infatuation lasted for years. when i shared this to a college friend (because we were running out of things to talk about), she first looked at me with disbelief and when she realized i wasnt kidding, she said she will never see me the same way again. years later (which was last year), not sure if she noticed, she and some other college friends would find this infatuation in "my" laptop. and my reply was "i dont know how it got there. probably my sister's." i got a "yeah right" reply from one of them but seriously, i dont know how it got there. must have placed it there unconsciously because i wasnt even aware that its inside the laptop.
now i understand why my infatuation junkie self kicked in. its because im "locked up"! i discouraged myself from going out because pretty women distract me (and they distract me more when they sit near me and are wearing intoxicating perfumes. luckily i havent encountered anyone wearing a raspberry scent. i would probably flip. just thinking about the scent is really driving me nuts. why does she have...anyways). avoiding distractions didnt actually help. now i see the problem. i cant go out because i get distracted (and the reason i get distracted easily because im avoiding "distractions" of the persistent kind. i havent been in hermit mode for quite some time so that probably aggravated things. why the hell did i abandon hermit mode? wait, yeah, i remember, something happened in 2009. damn it. i was conditioning myself back then for the bar already. i just had to disobey myself. Life, whatever your fucking plan is, it better be good because i think my plan is great but you just keep interfering). if i continue to stay indoors, infatuation junkie self kicks in. pretty women are my fucking weakness (if i like women that much, why do i appear to have an aversion toward them? that can be answered by referring to the blog entry that precedes this post chronologically. unfortunately, it contains sensitive information so i didnt post it. without the blog entry, the answer is obvious anyway. it has to do with something like Superman not exposing himself to kryptonite. i never liked Superman. always been a Batman person. well, more of Marvel person so Batman was the only one i like in the DC Universe. again, i digress).
damn it. there's no cure for something i dont want to be cured of. its either i give in to the "distraction" of the persistent kind so i wont be easily distracted when i go out or...there is no or. wait, there is. or i continue indulging until i get fed up (thats not really an option now is it?). the latter suggestion is stupid (and so is the former. sort of). my first infatuation lasted for 2-3 years. but then again, that was when i was "locked-up" in an all boy school. i mean, i had to keep my sanity within the sausage fest walls. a possible solution is to purposely forget my current infatuation but i havent really tried blocking an infatuation before. i just let it run its course and die out on its own. this could last for weeks or months. i'll probably figure someting out.
i think this blog entry just confirmed the fact that im a girl. well, im a lesbian, a girl attracted to girls. well, a lesbian stuck in a guy's body so it kinda works out. actually, this just confirms im very, very weird.
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
ineffable felicity
Saw her pretty face a few days ago on the MGM channel accidentally. i was switching channels and it only took a second for me to recognize its her, Ms. Hepburn, the authority on being lovely, in one of her movies i havent seen (The Unforgiven). unfortunately, i dont have the time to watch it and my siblings dont like old movies. so im hoping that i could watch it on its next scheduled air date: August 13, around 6am. i just realized that August 13 is a Friday. an unlucky day in an unlucky month only means...2 negative forces...so it cancels each other out...therefore...the fact that i can watch Audrey Hepburn on that day just proves its a lucky day already.
"I decided, very early on, just to accept life unconditionally; I never expected it to do anything special for me, yet I seemed to accomplish far more than I had ever hoped. Most of the time it just happened to me without my ever seeking it."— Audrey Hepburn
"There is more to sex appeal than just measurements. I don't need a bedroom to prove my womanliness. I can convey just as much sex appeal, picking apples off a tree or standing in the rain." — Audrey Hepburn
“As a matter of fact I rather feel like expressing myself now and I could certainly use a release” - Audrey Hepburn as Jo Stockton (Funny Face)
"On the one hand maybe I’ve remained infantile, while on the other I matured quickly, because at a young age I was very aware of suffering and fear." — Audrey Hepburn
a graceful lady with an adorable smile, possessing wisdom coupled with innocence. just doesnt quite capture it. it is hard to express how lovely we think you are.
"I decided, very early on, just to accept life unconditionally; I never expected it to do anything special for me, yet I seemed to accomplish far more than I had ever hoped. Most of the time it just happened to me without my ever seeking it."— Audrey Hepburn
"There is more to sex appeal than just measurements. I don't need a bedroom to prove my womanliness. I can convey just as much sex appeal, picking apples off a tree or standing in the rain." — Audrey Hepburn
“As a matter of fact I rather feel like expressing myself now and I could certainly use a release” - Audrey Hepburn as Jo Stockton (Funny Face)
"On the one hand maybe I’ve remained infantile, while on the other I matured quickly, because at a young age I was very aware of suffering and fear." — Audrey Hepburn
a graceful lady with an adorable smile, possessing wisdom coupled with innocence. just doesnt quite capture it. it is hard to express how lovely we think you are.
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
HD stands for Hypnotic Dancing
cant believe these vids can make my mind go blank. wait, i can! i think this is the only instance where i dont mind watching something colorful (over and over and over again) even if im a fan of dull colors because the colors are attached to something visually wonderful.
should i be thankful for the spice girls? because if not for them, there probably wont be such a thing as a pop girl group like this. the spice girls are like the great grandmothers of pop girl groups of today. or probably their long lost ancestors. and who said a girl group should have 5 members? there's no such thing as too many girls in a girl group. well, maybe there is but it has to be decided using Justice Potter Stewart's standard found in Jacobellis v. Ohio (1964). when is there too many girls in a girl group? well, we'll know it when we see it but right now, too many girls in a girl group is not yet an issue ripe for determination since the current composition of girl groups pose no controversy at the moment.
when i get sad, i stop being sad and watch girls generation instead. true story. and i thought Youtube HD is only useful for watching the Resident Evil: Afterlife trailer
should i be thankful for the spice girls? because if not for them, there probably wont be such a thing as a pop girl group like this. the spice girls are like the great grandmothers of pop girl groups of today. or probably their long lost ancestors. and who said a girl group should have 5 members? there's no such thing as too many girls in a girl group. well, maybe there is but it has to be decided using Justice Potter Stewart's standard found in Jacobellis v. Ohio (1964). when is there too many girls in a girl group? well, we'll know it when we see it but right now, too many girls in a girl group is not yet an issue ripe for determination since the current composition of girl groups pose no controversy at the moment.
when i get sad, i stop being sad and watch girls generation instead. true story. and i thought Youtube HD is only useful for watching the Resident Evil: Afterlife trailer
Saturday, August 07, 2010
'cause i am whatever you say i am
Ten years of Eminem. or maybe a little more than ten. i started listening to Eminem when i was in high school (1999). i bought his "Slim Shady LP" album (cassette tape! i started really buying CDs when i was in college. i only have less than a handful of CDs when i graduated from high school and they were the type of CDs i wish i wont be caught dead with) after seeing the "My Name Is" music video on MTV.
his latest music video is probably the best music video of all time! primarily because Megan Fox is in it. i could have just posted the music video and said Megan Fox is hot but i decided to say a little something about Eminem because i realized that i have been listening to Eminem for more than a decade and i still enjoy listening to his music and lyrical style (which i think have matured and evolved over the years but remained distinctly eminem).
anyway, this video will serve as one of the things that will keep me sane for the remaining review weeks. just a while ago i thought of becoming a taxman after days of reviewing taxation law. i was serious in considering it
his latest music video is probably the best music video of all time! primarily because Megan Fox is in it. i could have just posted the music video and said Megan Fox is hot but i decided to say a little something about Eminem because i realized that i have been listening to Eminem for more than a decade and i still enjoy listening to his music and lyrical style (which i think have matured and evolved over the years but remained distinctly eminem).
anyway, this video will serve as one of the things that will keep me sane for the remaining review weeks. just a while ago i thought of becoming a taxman after days of reviewing taxation law. i was serious in considering it
Wednesday, August 04, 2010
Tuesday, August 03, 2010
To believe in something, doubt everything. In the end, you have to grab your own luck. Rhythm is essential.
SESSION XX: MISH-MASH BLUES Transcript
Source: The Bebop Attic
#1 “Food for thought”SPIKE SPIEGEL Nothing lasts forever. All things must come to an end. That is the so-called way of Nature. It's rather sudden, but this is the last episode, so I would like to take this opportunity to remember all the things that have happened and think about them. Food is very important. After all, you are what you eat. Suppose there was a human clone of me, and he had never eaten anything other than hamburgers. That guy and I would genetically be the same but we would be completely different people. "Hamburger Spike" might be more short-tempered than me, or might be the kind of guy that goes to church on Sundays; he might be a violent bounty head, or a man that irons his white shirts before wearing them. At any rate, the "Hamburger Spike" would be a different person from me. In other words, when choosing your food you have to think about it carefully. I'll have the boiled lobster miso. #2 “Fools gold”JET BLACK There's a lot to “bonsai”. It's not as easy as just cutting; each bonsai has its own personality, and you have to let those live. A foolish person will try to cut anything and everything off just the same. They just cut and cut and cut the parts that stick out. Yet those parts that stick out are tis personality and its true originality. People who can't even figure that out don't have the right to hold scissors. I feel sorry for the bonsai. #3 “Que Sera Sera”FAYE VALENTINE I hate men with no thought, but I hate men who force their thoughts on others even more. I hate men with pyorrhea too. You can’t even kiss a man if his breath is bad. I love dangerous men, but I had to think about the ones that are too dangerous. I hate weak men; I love men who know their own weakness. I love optimistic men; I can't imagine trying to predict what happens in advance and then living pessimistically… Life, no matter how it falls, will probably turn out exactly as it was going to turn out. #4 “Heartless World”EDWARD WONG HAU PEPELU TIVRUSKY IV Space is very fast. Ed is traveling to find the truth of space. When I walk barefooted, it feels electric. The network sea is so spacious that there are lots of fish. When I put something on my head I get excited. When I think there is a truth and look for it, I can’t find it. When I don't think there is a truth, I can't find either. I can't get a hold of what I want, but I did get a hold of what I need. #5 “Key of life”SPIKE SPIEGEL Humans live by their heart’s beat; the beat is a systematic repetition. In other words, rhythm. Ideed, whatever you're doing rhythm is the most important. When walking, when eating, when fighting, when making love, when talking… rhythm is essential. #6 “Doggy dog world”EDWARD WONG HAU PEPELU TIVRUSKY IV Hey, Ein. Hey, hey, Ein. Why are you so furry? I know! Because you're sensitive to the cold! Hey Ein, why aren't you laughing? Ah, that is because you're nihilistic. Hey Ein, why are you so happy? Ah, it's because Ed is happy, isn't it? #7 “Walk this way”JET BLACK "The greatest respect that writers can give their readers is to not write anything that they expect." That's what Goethe said. He also said this, "whether it's a manmade or natural piece of work, we have to pay special attention to its original intent." That guy says some good things. Who would've thought that I would quit being a cop and become a bounty hunter? All my friends are surprised, saying, "You totally betrayed my expectations." That's fine. I want to do something that nobody else would think of. Seeing things you’ve never seen, hearing stories you never heard; my comrades enjoy it quite a bit. #8 “A natural woman”FAYE VALENTINE I hate simplicity. I hate over cleanliness. Being at least a little dirty makes your room and the world easier to live in. They say that "white skin hides seven blemishes" but I hate hiding; stains, freckles... what's wrong with that? If everyone has the exact same face, you can’t tell who you were. I don't know myself as it is. That's why I can't erase the clues. They're all guideposts to myself, you see. #9 “Instant karma!”SPIKE SPIEGEL Laughing Bull said to me, "Swimming bird, do you know what your soul is made from?" I said, "No. Probably some cotton dust that's rolling around somewhere." Bull said, "That answer is wrong, yet correct. Your body is connected to the universe, yet it is not; your soul includes the entire universe, yet it does not. That is for me and for everyone. If you hate someone, you hate yourself; if you love someone, you love yourself." I said, "I don't feel anything towards anyone." Bull said, "That is the greatest misfortune on this earth." #10 “Sugar mountain”SPIKE SPIEGEL They say that if you give a baby sweet things only, it will only want that and won't eat the nutritious foods that are vital. Things like sugar candy are the poison, after all. Now, it's not like I'm only talking about food. The world is full of sugar candy. If you only watch stuff like that, your brain will rot and become like yoghurt. #11 “Chain of fools”JET BLACK You know, there's a lot to cooking. It's not as easy as just randomly adding flavor. A foolish person will put in too much flavor making a dish and you won’t even be able to tell whether it's beef or chicken. Those kind of people... shouldn't hold a wok. The original flavor of the ingredients... For example, if it's beef then you have to let the originality of the beef live; otherwise the beef will be sad. #12 “Do it yourself”FAYE VALENTINE Those who don't work have no right to eat. I don't count. Woman are great just by staying alive. "Don't rely on others and do things yourself." I don't know who told me that, but for some time I've been believing in it. It's not that big of a deal though. I wouldn't want to be relied upon and not be able to come through. And even if I did, I would wonder, "was it really for their sake?" etcetera. In the end, you have to grab your own luck. JET BLACK Women will quickly betray you, but men live by giri (duty). FAYE VALENTINE Duty, huh? JET BLACK That's what I'd like to believe. #13 “If 6 was 9”SPIKE SPIEGEL It’s very important to doubt everything that you take on. Information is only information, after all. If you think that what they say on TV is the truth, you're gravely mistaken. Open your own eyes, clear out your ears, and look and listen to the world. And think using your own brain. After you've doubted everything, there is a possibility of something real to believe in. That's right, to believe in something, doubt everything.JET BLACK It's not a question of that being hard to do-- it's impossible! It's like trying to play baseball without holding a bat. Hey, Spike! SPIKE SPIEGEL That's the kind of thing I like. #14 “Amazing Grace”JET BLACK The good part about bounty hunting is that there are no rules. There is no written list of guidelines in existence for capturing a bounty. But if you do what you want they'll start complaining, or get mad and say that it against the rules. They're supposed to live by following this world’s “rules”. But who made these “rules”? It's not like we were born to obey somebody. Whether threatened or bribed, our souls can't be sold. SPIKE SPIEGEL Unfortunately, the freelancing soul is an ancient concept. JET BLACK What? But what about the heart? SPIKE SPIEGEL It's too expensive for money to buy. #15 “My favorite things”EDWARD WONG HAU PEPELU TIVRUSKY IV Ed has not had any sufferings yet. Perhaps I might have but I don't remember at all. If you ask why, it's because I only do things that look fun. And even with boring things, I find something a little fun in them and get excited. But if it's too boring, I go to sleep. And when I'm asleep, it's fun rolling around dreaming. The end~ #16 “Unfinished sympathy”SPIKE SPIEGEL Bruce Lee was said to have said this, "empty your mind and throw away any form or shape. Be like water." If you put water in a cup the water takes the form of the cup; if you put water in a teapot, the water takes the form of a teapot. Water can flow or it can crash violently. That is why, my friend, be like water." As expected, my heart's mentor speaks in a unique way. He also said this, "what I am teaching is not self-defense or how to defeat opponents or anything like that. But rather, I am teaching you how to express yourself through your movements, whether that is anger, determination, or whatever. In other words, this is a method of expression using the human body with combat." You can tell that Bruce Lee wasn't just a movie star or just a martial artist, can’t you? #17 “Public pressure”JET BLACK If there is a God in this world, I'd like to ask for one wish-- divine retribution to all those who take freedom away. #18 “Whole lotta love”FAYE VALENTINE I sometimes think I miss out on a lot with this personality. I sometimes think that, being the way I am, all the good men will run away. Well, this is who I am, so it can't be helped. If I act like someone else saying, "even though I look like this I'm really a homemaker!" or whatever... even if it did get anywhere, in the end, hardship—no—only regrets will come. It's got to be someone that will like me for myself. Well, I think it'll be tough being with me but there is probably a man unlucky enough in the universe though. #19 “Wild style”JET BLACK Over a century ago, there was a sax player called Charlie Parker. He was probably the first man to play without using sheet music. In other words, he was tired up of playing the same thing and started adlibbing and playing in his own style. The music that he started eventually came to be called Bebop. That's right. That's the origin of this ship's name. #20 “Daydream believer”SPIKE SPIEGEL We all sleep while we wake up and and we all wake up while we sleep. Is the past reality? Are memories the truth? Dreams… where are our dreams, really? The dreams we dream while asleep, the dreams we dream while awake... they're both the same. The people that say they don't dream only don't remember. The people with no dreams have only yet to notice them; they're cowards. They want to see them, but they are merely forcing themselves not to. #21 “Hang onto your self”SPIKE SPIEGEL This is just an illusion. Controlled by an unseen hand, the truth is still covered by a thick veil. But it quietly, like the moons of Titan, secretly exist, eventually revealing itself after the sandstorm clears. #22 “Looking back in anger”SPIKE SPIEGEL Stop getting angry over such frivilous things. This isn't a joke, nor is it fiction. Or... have I been seeing a bad dream? #23 “Tangled up in blue”JET BLACK A blues man somewhere was said to have said this after being asked the definition of blues, "Blues is... singing about some kind of trouble that can’t be helped."
wondering if my chin will set an appointment with its razor
im too pissed to review. so what do i do? i try to answer some questions that needs answering. its almost 2am in the morning and im trying to figure out whether i should...shave or not to shave? that is the question. yes. thats my million dollar question for tonight. or for this morning.
i started growing my moustache and beard about more than two weeks ago. in the past, someone thought that i allow my moustache and beard to grow as a form of protest (like protesting against the wretched witch my jesuit professor introduced to me as Fortuna for allowing me to be called for recitation at precisely the wrong moments during the eighth month of the year). that has never been the case. i only let it grow because i dont feel like shaving. about 63.89% of the time (or a little more than half the time to be less precise) that i decide not to shave for a day, i decide not to shave for an entire week (laziness kicks in. shaving can be bothersome). i wont shave it until im compelled to shave it. what compels me to shave it is that i cant bear the scruffy look anymore. right now, i dont mind to be scruffy looking. aside from im indoors most of the time, it also saves me money. how? well, all of the women i admit having gone out with (all means more or less half a handful) always politely asks me not to let my moustache and beard grow. they prefer that i stay clean shaven. if i dare try not to heed it because im too lazy to shave, they start asking philosophical questions like "why?, how come?, what's the point?, when will i see clean shaven tristofer again?" and some other variants of such questions that imply "lose the facial hair dammit or an embargo shall be imposed!" since i dont want to encounter such mind nagging questions, by not shaving, i am in effect preventing myself from going out on a date with anyone. and as the simple mathematical equation that no math professor or math teacher has ever taught me in school, no date = more money, having a moustache and beard can be an incentive. so now lies before me the question of to shave or not to shave? if i dont shave, i will stay scruffy looking, discourage me to go out with someone (and discourage me to meet someone new due to the acquired notion that women dont like bearded guys that looks like potential serial killers, which now raises questions...is that the reason why most serial killers are single? because chicks dont dig their scruffy look? if thats the case...how about female serial killers?) and save money. if i shave...i become clean shaven. ok. it seems there only exists an apparent predicament. but i feel like shaving now. this makes the predicament more real than apparent. but is shaving or not shaving really a predicament? its already 2am. i will probably shave it...if im still in the mood to shave it in the morning. and like the previous shaving sessions, i will shave it in the same manner ted mosby did. by trying different beard and moustache styles as the facial hair is gradually shaven off (i think there was one time, when i still had a digicam, that i tried doing mug shots). too bad i cant do an adolf/toothbrush moustache. my moustache at the center of my lip dont grow that thick. i wonder how many people in the world secretly do a silly hitler moustache with matching nazi salute when they decide to remove their facial hair? probably more than the people who remember charlie chaplin when they see themselves wearing a toothbrush moustache.
i started growing my moustache and beard about more than two weeks ago. in the past, someone thought that i allow my moustache and beard to grow as a form of protest (like protesting against the wretched witch my jesuit professor introduced to me as Fortuna for allowing me to be called for recitation at precisely the wrong moments during the eighth month of the year). that has never been the case. i only let it grow because i dont feel like shaving. about 63.89% of the time (or a little more than half the time to be less precise) that i decide not to shave for a day, i decide not to shave for an entire week (laziness kicks in. shaving can be bothersome). i wont shave it until im compelled to shave it. what compels me to shave it is that i cant bear the scruffy look anymore. right now, i dont mind to be scruffy looking. aside from im indoors most of the time, it also saves me money. how? well, all of the women i admit having gone out with (all means more or less half a handful) always politely asks me not to let my moustache and beard grow. they prefer that i stay clean shaven. if i dare try not to heed it because im too lazy to shave, they start asking philosophical questions like "why?, how come?, what's the point?, when will i see clean shaven tristofer again?" and some other variants of such questions that imply "lose the facial hair dammit or an embargo shall be imposed!" since i dont want to encounter such mind nagging questions, by not shaving, i am in effect preventing myself from going out on a date with anyone. and as the simple mathematical equation that no math professor or math teacher has ever taught me in school, no date = more money, having a moustache and beard can be an incentive. so now lies before me the question of to shave or not to shave? if i dont shave, i will stay scruffy looking, discourage me to go out with someone (and discourage me to meet someone new due to the acquired notion that women dont like bearded guys that looks like potential serial killers, which now raises questions...is that the reason why most serial killers are single? because chicks dont dig their scruffy look? if thats the case...how about female serial killers?) and save money. if i shave...i become clean shaven. ok. it seems there only exists an apparent predicament. but i feel like shaving now. this makes the predicament more real than apparent. but is shaving or not shaving really a predicament? its already 2am. i will probably shave it...if im still in the mood to shave it in the morning. and like the previous shaving sessions, i will shave it in the same manner ted mosby did. by trying different beard and moustache styles as the facial hair is gradually shaven off (i think there was one time, when i still had a digicam, that i tried doing mug shots). too bad i cant do an adolf/toothbrush moustache. my moustache at the center of my lip dont grow that thick. i wonder how many people in the world secretly do a silly hitler moustache with matching nazi salute when they decide to remove their facial hair? probably more than the people who remember charlie chaplin when they see themselves wearing a toothbrush moustache.
Sunday, August 01, 2010
and my hate-hate relationship with August begins...now!
an 85 year old woman is celebrating her birthday and she is celebrating it at my neighbor's house. she (or her offspring) hired a singer to sing oldies but goodies. problem is they're too loud! its like im in the same room as they are. normally, i wouldnt mind but i need to study and i have no other place to study at the moment but inside my room. it is August so no surprise there. well, sort of no surprise. i posted the blog entry and a sample of the nuisance in my posterous account because its easier to upload audio files there.
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
paprika quote
after seeing Inception last week, i was just itching to see Paprika again. so i rented it. i wonder if they can make a live action version of this movie without ruining it.
Even the five court ladies danced in sync to the frog's flutes and drums. The whirlwind of recycled paper was a sight to see. It was like computer graphics. That I don't support Technicolor parfaits and snobby petit bourgeois is common knowledge in Oceania! Now is the time to return home to the blue sky! The confetti will dance around the shrine gates. The mailbox and the refrigerator will lead the way! Anyone who cares about expiration dates will not get in the way of the glory train! They need to fully realize the liver of the triangle rulers! Now, this festival was decided by the third grade class with the telephoto camera! Move forward! Come together! I am the ultimate governor! - Dr. Torataro Shima
Even the five court ladies danced in sync to the frog's flutes and drums. The whirlwind of recycled paper was a sight to see. It was like computer graphics. That I don't support Technicolor parfaits and snobby petit bourgeois is common knowledge in Oceania! Now is the time to return home to the blue sky! The confetti will dance around the shrine gates. The mailbox and the refrigerator will lead the way! Anyone who cares about expiration dates will not get in the way of the glory train! They need to fully realize the liver of the triangle rulers! Now, this festival was decided by the third grade class with the telephoto camera! Move forward! Come together! I am the ultimate governor! - Dr. Torataro Shima
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Thursday, July 22, 2010
poster girl
i remember years ago i had "problems" with my dreams. there are instances when i wake up inside my dream and after realizing it, wake up again in a dream then wake up a third time and thats when i really wake up (usually). so i have experienced having a "dream within a dream" but not the cool way portrayed in Inception. it was simply waking up again and again after realizing that the surroundings dont feel "real" enough or notice something not right.
anyway, since there were times when i was finding it difficult to know whether i was still dreaming or not (because there are times when dreams are beyond my control or im too "absorbed" in it that i cant manipulate my dream or the dream has control over me), i made use of a poster of a beautiful girl (not the sleazy type that appeal to prurient interest) as my indicator that im in the real world. its serves a similar function as a totem in Inception (but in Inception, the primary function of the totem is not only for the person to know whether he or she is dreaming but also to know whether its his or her dream or someone else's). for some reason, my subconscious cannot reproduce the poster in my dreams. so when i dream that im in my room, i always take note whether the poster is there or not to know whether im awake or not (so i would know whether i should keep waking up and it happened that i kept waking up until i saw the poster on my wall).
a college blockmate saw the poster when he was in my room and asked "who is she supposed to be?", i said that she's my link to reality. i dont know where that poster is now. its probably somewhere inside my room but i havent really noted where i placed it (which is odd because i always take note of the things inside my room and know exactly where they are so i would know whether someone went inside my room. i even notice if a strand of hair wasn't in my room when i left it. but i dont know the order of the clothes in my cabinet. i dont care about clothing. im digressing which is something i havent done for a while). the poster's no longer on my wall. i took it down because it was already dusty. also, i no longer have problems of waking up again and again in my dreams so i really dont have much use for it anymore. but it would be nice to wake up and see a pretty face every morning.
anyway, since there were times when i was finding it difficult to know whether i was still dreaming or not (because there are times when dreams are beyond my control or im too "absorbed" in it that i cant manipulate my dream or the dream has control over me), i made use of a poster of a beautiful girl (not the sleazy type that appeal to prurient interest) as my indicator that im in the real world. its serves a similar function as a totem in Inception (but in Inception, the primary function of the totem is not only for the person to know whether he or she is dreaming but also to know whether its his or her dream or someone else's). for some reason, my subconscious cannot reproduce the poster in my dreams. so when i dream that im in my room, i always take note whether the poster is there or not to know whether im awake or not (so i would know whether i should keep waking up and it happened that i kept waking up until i saw the poster on my wall).
a college blockmate saw the poster when he was in my room and asked "who is she supposed to be?", i said that she's my link to reality. i dont know where that poster is now. its probably somewhere inside my room but i havent really noted where i placed it (which is odd because i always take note of the things inside my room and know exactly where they are so i would know whether someone went inside my room. i even notice if a strand of hair wasn't in my room when i left it. but i dont know the order of the clothes in my cabinet. i dont care about clothing. im digressing which is something i havent done for a while). the poster's no longer on my wall. i took it down because it was already dusty. also, i no longer have problems of waking up again and again in my dreams so i really dont have much use for it anymore. but it would be nice to wake up and see a pretty face every morning.
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
insatiable tristopher strikes again
I was finally able to see Inception earlier today. I watched it in IMAX (after seeing comments by people saying its worth paying for more, driving for miles even to go to an IMAX theater). before talking about the movie itself, i would like to make a little comment about seeing IMAX movies. when a movie is advertised to be available in IMAX, it does not follow its in 3D. this is becoming one of my pet peeves. i overheard someone in the theater wondering why there werent any glasses. IMAX is a film format and primarily pertains to the larger screen and greater resolution. IMAX 3D is an entirely different thing. also, not because a movie is available in IMAX 3D it means the movie had been shot using an IMAX 3D camera. if it werent shot using an IMAX 3D camera, the only difference it would have from Digital 3D is the larger screen and the greater resolution (i think. based from a one-time experience). people should also be aware if the movie was converted into 3D only during post-production which i think makes the idea of making 3D movies look bad. 3D conversion gives 3D movies a bad name.
moving to Inception, when the movie ended (the moment the credits were flashed), my first reaction was, "that's it?" like i said in my tweet, the movie is definitely not bad. its good actually but i said its ok because it really didnt blow me away (thats what i always expect from a good sci-fi movie). i wasnt visually amazed, i didnt see any jaw-dropping scenes and it wasnt intellectually stimulating enough (thats why i wonder whether it was worth watching in IMAX when a digital theater would have sufficed. but then again, it is a good movie so seeing it in IMAX wasnt really a waste). i guess after seeing the trailer i somehow knew what to expect and how it will end if it didnt have any twist. it didnt have anything new left to present. i dont think its as mind boggling as most people claim it is. its very straightforward actually. no brilliant twist whatsoever (which probably contributed to my disappointment because i prefer endings i didnt expect. but then again, it probably wasnt about the ending or the "destination" but the means or "the journey" thats meant to be enjoyed in this movie). the cast and the characters they played were great though.
anyway, i enjoyed watching it. its worth watching. i just think its not as great or complicated as some people claim it is. and i cant not consider other people's comments about a movie because its one the things i always consider if a movie is worth making time for or worth paying for. i dont have the luxury of watching any movie any time like three years ago (where i saw complete and utter crap movies like Pathfinder, Dragon Wars: D-War and Dragonball: Evolution simply because i ran out of movies to watch, except Dragon Ball where i vowed to watch it in the big screen even if i was forewarned and convinced how crappy it is).
stuff that came to mind while watching Inception:
this movie reminded me of Paprika.
during the movie, i was thinking that navigating another person's mind is something pyschologists usually do and acquiring confidential information (extraction) and planting ideas (inception) are usually performed by lawyers.
Inception is not impossible, if it merely meant planting an idea and manipulating a person's thought process. one can plant an idea in the subconcious even without going through the sci-fi process of entering another person's dream. the subconcious of another person can be reached even while he or she is in concious mode (umm...like duh!). by merely watching the movie, it already planted ideas in the viewer's mind. (this thought just sucked the fun out of the movie so i focused on watching the movie again)
the idea of time being longer in a dream compared to reality reminded me of a scene in the movie Waking Life.
i also remembered Vanilla Sky simple because it also involves dream manipulation technology.
moving to Inception, when the movie ended (the moment the credits were flashed), my first reaction was, "that's it?" like i said in my tweet, the movie is definitely not bad. its good actually but i said its ok because it really didnt blow me away (thats what i always expect from a good sci-fi movie). i wasnt visually amazed, i didnt see any jaw-dropping scenes and it wasnt intellectually stimulating enough (thats why i wonder whether it was worth watching in IMAX when a digital theater would have sufficed. but then again, it is a good movie so seeing it in IMAX wasnt really a waste). i guess after seeing the trailer i somehow knew what to expect and how it will end if it didnt have any twist. it didnt have anything new left to present. i dont think its as mind boggling as most people claim it is. its very straightforward actually. no brilliant twist whatsoever (which probably contributed to my disappointment because i prefer endings i didnt expect. but then again, it probably wasnt about the ending or the "destination" but the means or "the journey" thats meant to be enjoyed in this movie). the cast and the characters they played were great though.
anyway, i enjoyed watching it. its worth watching. i just think its not as great or complicated as some people claim it is. and i cant not consider other people's comments about a movie because its one the things i always consider if a movie is worth making time for or worth paying for. i dont have the luxury of watching any movie any time like three years ago (where i saw complete and utter crap movies like Pathfinder, Dragon Wars: D-War and Dragonball: Evolution simply because i ran out of movies to watch, except Dragon Ball where i vowed to watch it in the big screen even if i was forewarned and convinced how crappy it is).
stuff that came to mind while watching Inception:
this movie reminded me of Paprika.
during the movie, i was thinking that navigating another person's mind is something pyschologists usually do and acquiring confidential information (extraction) and planting ideas (inception) are usually performed by lawyers.
Inception is not impossible, if it merely meant planting an idea and manipulating a person's thought process. one can plant an idea in the subconcious even without going through the sci-fi process of entering another person's dream. the subconcious of another person can be reached even while he or she is in concious mode (umm...like duh!). by merely watching the movie, it already planted ideas in the viewer's mind. (this thought just sucked the fun out of the movie so i focused on watching the movie again)
the idea of time being longer in a dream compared to reality reminded me of a scene in the movie Waking Life.
i also remembered Vanilla Sky simple because it also involves dream manipulation technology.
Monday, July 19, 2010
massive pain. sort of.
last week i had my impacted wisdom tooth removed. like my other impacted wisdom tooth, it needs to be removed through minor surgery. a friend asked why now when im studying for the bar because it meant it will take days to heal and would require me to really rest, hence, as much as possible, no studying. i said, well, its been almost a month since it started aching and it keeps getting worse each day. one full week after it was removed, i havent fully recovered. my recovery is taking a bit longer compared to my previous minor surgery. my left cheek still has a bit of swelling and half my tongue is still mildly numb. hopefully in the next couple of days, the swelling will be gone and my tongue will almost be back to normal. hopefully. im bound to lose more weight since i cant eat properly. well, i lose my appetite due to the inconvenience caused by the annoying tongue.
with the impacted wisdom tooth removed, i thought i can finally review for the bar without much worries. well, three of my teeth are hurting! two molars and one incisor. what the? one week of almost no studying and i have to jumpstart my brain already. i have to deal with more shit too? oh well. i will just have to figure out a way to deal with this pain without having to go to the dentist.
with the impacted wisdom tooth removed, i thought i can finally review for the bar without much worries. well, three of my teeth are hurting! two molars and one incisor. what the? one week of almost no studying and i have to jumpstart my brain already. i have to deal with more shit too? oh well. i will just have to figure out a way to deal with this pain without having to go to the dentist.
Saturday, July 17, 2010
Saturday, July 10, 2010
law school has deprived me of sports entertainment
I said to my brother earlier this morning that LeBron James will be playing for the Miami Heat next season. He didn't react. I added that he will be team mates with Shaquille O'Neal. My brother looked at me and frowned, then said to me that Shaq hasnt been with Miami since 2007 or 2008. And Shaq had been team mates with LeBron under Cleveland. He added that before going to Cleveland, Shaq played for the Phoenix Suns.
it just shows that i havent watched NBA regularly for such a long time (Twolves since 1995 but stopped watching their games when they lost Garnett. Now my teams are Boston Celtics and still the Twolves until they get good players. i like Minnesota).
i remember a few months ago that i felt pleased to watch WWE (i was able to watch the Undertaker v Shawn Michaels match). last time i remember watching WWE and NBA regularly was back in college. i also watched the World Cup back in high school. i watched the match between Spain and Germany a few days ago and only because i cant sleep because of the tooth ache. anyway, at least i know Brock Lesnar is fighting again in UFC and he just defeated Carwin.
on other sports...my cousin used to update me about what's happening in the tennis world. all of them watches tennis. i remember watching one match years ago at my cousin's house. i think it was Sampras and Agassi. there i found out that i really dont have a thing for tennis. although i watched tennis back then from time to time (back then means when Steffi Graf was still playing), it was because i like to watch Martina Hingis. after that, even if my cousin updates me, i really dont pay much attention. i just dont have a thing for tennis. i just dont feel it. i guess im a contact and collision sport type of person.
enough of this. need to review rem and ethics for the mock bar tomorrow. after lunch, going to get a cup of coffee at mcdonalds then back to hitting the books. its moments like this that i wonder why didnt i become more of a sports person? i just remembered a Big Bang Theory episode. might also buy some Mountain Dew (for some reason i became addicted to it. dont know what made me buy one a few weeks ago) which i found out yesterday is the drink of choice of geeks. my tooth hurts. now im just being incoherent and blurting out stuff.
it just shows that i havent watched NBA regularly for such a long time (Twolves since 1995 but stopped watching their games when they lost Garnett. Now my teams are Boston Celtics and still the Twolves until they get good players. i like Minnesota).
i remember a few months ago that i felt pleased to watch WWE (i was able to watch the Undertaker v Shawn Michaels match). last time i remember watching WWE and NBA regularly was back in college. i also watched the World Cup back in high school. i watched the match between Spain and Germany a few days ago and only because i cant sleep because of the tooth ache. anyway, at least i know Brock Lesnar is fighting again in UFC and he just defeated Carwin.
on other sports...my cousin used to update me about what's happening in the tennis world. all of them watches tennis. i remember watching one match years ago at my cousin's house. i think it was Sampras and Agassi. there i found out that i really dont have a thing for tennis. although i watched tennis back then from time to time (back then means when Steffi Graf was still playing), it was because i like to watch Martina Hingis. after that, even if my cousin updates me, i really dont pay much attention. i just dont have a thing for tennis. i just dont feel it. i guess im a contact and collision sport type of person.
enough of this. need to review rem and ethics for the mock bar tomorrow. after lunch, going to get a cup of coffee at mcdonalds then back to hitting the books. its moments like this that i wonder why didnt i become more of a sports person? i just remembered a Big Bang Theory episode. might also buy some Mountain Dew (for some reason i became addicted to it. dont know what made me buy one a few weeks ago) which i found out yesterday is the drink of choice of geeks. my tooth hurts. now im just being incoherent and blurting out stuff.
Thursday, July 08, 2010
better than coffee
what could keep me up until 3am in the morning after a tiring day, not make me feel sleepy even with this very nice cool night air? a tooth ache! tried sleeping, but i cant. ive endured it for almost a month and i think tonight this tooth decided to give me its worst.
wow, this tooth must have its own brain. it suddenly intensified its pain after i started blogging about it. trying to catch my attention now, are you? you nasty little enamel covered calcified thingamajig. dont worry, there's nothing i can possibly to distract me enough not to notice you.
i really need to have this tooth removed.
wow, this tooth must have its own brain. it suddenly intensified its pain after i started blogging about it. trying to catch my attention now, are you? you nasty little enamel covered calcified thingamajig. dont worry, there's nothing i can possibly to distract me enough not to notice you.
i really need to have this tooth removed.
Tuesday, July 06, 2010
Quotes from Journey's End (FMA:B)
[Blindness is] supposed to be the punishment Truth deals to those who dream of the future - Colonel Roy Mustang
[Taking responsibility for what we've done] wont erase our sins, but we want to start with what we can do. - Lieutenant Riza Hawkeye
We cannot allow the death of the culture nor religion with its history. The death of a culture is the death of a people. Use your hands to save them from death. - Major Miles
I suppose new possibilities will excite everyone, no matter their age - Lieutenant General Grumman
A lesson without pain is meaningless. That's because you cannot gain something without sacrificing something else in return. But once youve withstood pain and overcome it, you will gain a heart that is stronger than everything else. Yes. A Fullmetal heart. - Major Edward Elric
[Taking responsibility for what we've done] wont erase our sins, but we want to start with what we can do. - Lieutenant Riza Hawkeye
We cannot allow the death of the culture nor religion with its history. The death of a culture is the death of a people. Use your hands to save them from death. - Major Miles
I suppose new possibilities will excite everyone, no matter their age - Lieutenant General Grumman
A lesson without pain is meaningless. That's because you cannot gain something without sacrificing something else in return. But once youve withstood pain and overcome it, you will gain a heart that is stronger than everything else. Yes. A Fullmetal heart. - Major Edward Elric
Monday, July 05, 2010
My study habit is like making the Constitution
due to my weak physical state and distracted mental state, studying can only be done with "very great exertion; nor can it nor ought it to be frequently repeated" (Marbury v. Madison 5 US 137 (1803). i try to cover as much as i can while im physically and mentally able to. if i try to study more and push myself further, i risk aggravating my condition. damn it.
i really need to get well as soon as possible.
i really need to get well as soon as possible.
Saturday, July 03, 2010
is there a cure for hotness?
i feel hot. literally hot. i wonder if this is how Makoto Shishio feels like? im having a hard time studying for the mock bar tomorrow when i feel like im burning up! my temperature is ok and so is the thermometer i used. i dont have a fever but i feel like i have one. the electric fan is less than 3 feet away, not rotating, yet im still sweating. and the weather isnt warm. i can feel the cool air actually but i also feel like im covered with warm air so it seems the cool air isnt really reaching my skin. then how do i feel it? i dont know. it just feels that way. when i try to review, after reading a few lines, it feels like my eyes are burning up. when i touch my skin, im not warm but i feel like im burning up. what the crap is up with that?! i feel like im overheating. and now im hungry. and the only food i have left is jampong. great. just great.
Monday, June 28, 2010
personal mottos
1. There is no such thing as no time.
2. Never doubt the heart of a crammer.
3. Nothing is impossible.
These were my guide statements that i believed in back in college. i always boasted that i have time for everything, that i will finish the study materials and i will pull off whatever needs to be pulled off and make it appear like some great trick. but all there is to it was believing in one's self and never, ever giving up (in addition to great time management skills and sound judgment and strategization coupled with a laid back i dont care attitude). thats why my fourth motto was "only God can stop me" because God's will was the only reason im going to fail at something.
i was perfect for the bar exam. with my former self, the bar exam would be a piece of cake. now im just this whiny weakling who loves to sleep and eat and chase distractions. i dont have the "i dont care" attitude. what i have is "to hell with it" attitude. im screwed already, why bother?
if im going to take the bar, i must restore my old self. in order to do that, i will need strength and discipline (in addition to being a cold-hearted SOB because thats the only way i can focus). acknowledging i have emotions puts my emotionally sensitive self to the forefront and it makes me whiny and weak. i need to place it back on the backseat. if most people can use their emotions to make them stronger, make them passionate to the point of being unstoppable, well, that doesnt work for me. im more used to being cool, calm and composed and it makes me more effective. it makes me dense and insensitive but effective and efficient nonetheless. some things are meant not be changed.
2. Never doubt the heart of a crammer.
3. Nothing is impossible.
These were my guide statements that i believed in back in college. i always boasted that i have time for everything, that i will finish the study materials and i will pull off whatever needs to be pulled off and make it appear like some great trick. but all there is to it was believing in one's self and never, ever giving up (in addition to great time management skills and sound judgment and strategization coupled with a laid back i dont care attitude). thats why my fourth motto was "only God can stop me" because God's will was the only reason im going to fail at something.
i was perfect for the bar exam. with my former self, the bar exam would be a piece of cake. now im just this whiny weakling who loves to sleep and eat and chase distractions. i dont have the "i dont care" attitude. what i have is "to hell with it" attitude. im screwed already, why bother?
if im going to take the bar, i must restore my old self. in order to do that, i will need strength and discipline (in addition to being a cold-hearted SOB because thats the only way i can focus). acknowledging i have emotions puts my emotionally sensitive self to the forefront and it makes me whiny and weak. i need to place it back on the backseat. if most people can use their emotions to make them stronger, make them passionate to the point of being unstoppable, well, that doesnt work for me. im more used to being cool, calm and composed and it makes me more effective. it makes me dense and insensitive but effective and efficient nonetheless. some things are meant not be changed.
Saturday, June 26, 2010
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
Yoink!
While riding an FX on my way to UP from the Supreme Court (filed my bar petition, will find out by the end of next month whether it will be approved or not), a fellow commuter almost had his necklace snatched by a kid. this happened at the footbridge located at the intersection of Quezon Ave and EDSA. i saw the kid even before the attempted snatching. he was eyeing the female commuter before the male one. didnt suspect he was a snatcher. i thought he was just a young barker. anyway, he probably saw the male commuter's attention was focused on trying to catch the FX so he looked liked an easier target since he was distracted. well, the guy was alert enough to grab his necklace before the kid snatcher was able to get it. sure it snapped but at least the kid didnt get it. the kid didnt even run far. he just ran a few meters away and watched the guy ride the FX (the FX i was riding). all the guy did was mutter curse words while looking at the kid watching us leave.
back in 2008, i saw a guy in his late teens snatch the earings of a middle-aged lady. a few years back, when i was still a college student, i saw a guy snatch the bag of his fellow passenger in a jeepney. both of them were riding in front, with the snatcher sitting at the outer portion of the passenger seat. he ran towards Visayas Ave. all the victim could do was shout "snatcher!" dont know if they were able to apprehend the crook.
as for me, im a victim of pickpockets, not snatchers. instead of being a victim of force, im a victim of stealth.
back in 2008, i saw a guy in his late teens snatch the earings of a middle-aged lady. a few years back, when i was still a college student, i saw a guy snatch the bag of his fellow passenger in a jeepney. both of them were riding in front, with the snatcher sitting at the outer portion of the passenger seat. he ran towards Visayas Ave. all the victim could do was shout "snatcher!" dont know if they were able to apprehend the crook.
as for me, im a victim of pickpockets, not snatchers. instead of being a victim of force, im a victim of stealth.
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
here comes the fear
follow what's written on the cover of the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: DONT PANIC!
im not panicking about the bar exams. quite the opposite actually. im one of the few who isnt suffering from sleepless nights worrying that its only more or less 2 months away.
i panicked a while ago because one, the laptop gave me a scare and two, one of my cellphones gave me a scare.
here's what happened:
i decided to synchronize and back-up my cellphones (which i named cloak and dagger. i initially thought of naming it beavis and butthead or bill and ted but i think cloak and dagger is a more appropriate name for a pair of cellphones). so i downloaded the nokia ovi suite. after installing it, i restarted the computer and to my surprise it said that its installing updates. WTF! its not supposed to download and install updates without asking for my permission. im using Windows Vista and ive heard that there was this update before that made the Vista OS reboot...perpetually. ok, keep on rebooting without loading the desktop so it just keeps on rebooting over and over again. so i prepared for the worst as i watched the computer reboot. after showing the Lenovo splash screen, it switched to the Vista OS loading screen, and then there was darkness. well, a blank black screen. crap! holy crap! thats when i stared at the blank screen with my rarely pressed panic button activated. it stayed blank for a few minutes and the power button of the computer was flickering faintly. crap. that cant be good. i just kept staring at it and i started thinking of what im going to do in case it is a system crash. i started thinking of scheduling the repair, where to have it repaired, where i can get the money for the repair, etc. then i started thinking of when was my last back-up, on whether i could still fix it on my own, etc. thats me in panic mode. i bombard myself with thoughts and plans. after maybe more or less 5 minutes of black screen, it then changed to its normal Vista screen saying that its installing update 3 of 3. whew! after a few minutes, it continued normally. i then grabbed a DVD-R and made a back-up of the bar review lectures. thats the fear number one.
fear number two kicked in half an hour later when i started synchronizing "Dagger." while it was synchronizing the messages, i suddenly received a text message from Globe. Crap!!! ever since i owned a nokia 3660, i knew that a text message interrupting the synchronization or back-up cant be good. because of the interruption, the cellphone's screen went blank. but it continued to synchronize. when i disconnected it, it seemed ok. but when i started to open any text message, it stopped with a message saying "opening" and then the screen goes blank. crap!! again! panic button activated once again. started thinking of when to go to the nokia care center, how long it will take for them to return my phone, thats its a good thing i have "Cloak" so i can divert calls and messages to it temporarily, etc. once the panic is gone. did some troubleshooting, trying to figure out how to fix it. it still works if its connected to the computer, so i made a back-up. then i used the "restore" factory settings option. completely erased personal data but good thing i was able to make a back-up (i now have 2 back-ups, one inside the PC the other inside the laptop). problem solved!
i hate it when i go into panic mode. the only good thing about being in panic mode is that my planning mode goes on overdrive, trying to adjust my schedule and whatever needs to be adjusted to accommodate the unforeseen event. but during panic mode, i just...well, panic.
Sunday, June 20, 2010
theres a fine line between courage and stupidity. i think this isnt a case of stupidity
starting tomorrow, im going to review for the bar exams at break neck speed. well, i have to. im running out of time and there are other stuff that i need to attend to which would eat up more time. not that i havent started reviewing. its just that im not happy with my pace.well, it isnt bad actualy. its just i know i can do more than this.
a law school friend told me during my graduation last April that i should get rid of all the distractions. what i did was get a lot of it. a lot of it. why do i always do the opposite? give me advice and chances are, i will do what ive been told not to do.
i vow to study efficiently and effectively tomorrow when i wake up at the crack of dawn. yes, crack of dawn. no more reviewing at the crack of noon for me. its time to get serious. the real kind of serious. not the kind of serious meant to annoy people or the social experiment type (which by the way was conceptualized through the help of a highschool class clown. it really pissed him off a lot. that why i decided to develop it).
before i publish this, God, thank You for the rain. if possible, less warm weather. really less warm weather. please.
a law school friend told me during my graduation last April that i should get rid of all the distractions. what i did was get a lot of it. a lot of it. why do i always do the opposite? give me advice and chances are, i will do what ive been told not to do.
i vow to study efficiently and effectively tomorrow when i wake up at the crack of dawn. yes, crack of dawn. no more reviewing at the crack of noon for me. its time to get serious. the real kind of serious. not the kind of serious meant to annoy people or the social experiment type (which by the way was conceptualized through the help of a highschool class clown. it really pissed him off a lot. that why i decided to develop it).
before i publish this, God, thank You for the rain. if possible, less warm weather. really less warm weather. please.
Saturday, June 19, 2010
three weeks to go!
three weeks to go before i can act on my annoying tooth. its been almost a week since it started aching. it would require minor surgery to have it extracted. problem is, i dont have the time and the money to undergo minor surgery. i will have to save some money (or find a possible source) and try to find time after three weeks. so i would have to get used to the pain this stupid fucking tooth brings. it hurts so much that i feel the pain throbbing on the right side of my head. it also wakes me up in the middle of the night. and i have to endure three more weeks of it! i need to find an outlet because right now, the pain just makes me want to punch something. i cant risk injuring my left hand since i need it for writing. my right wrist is already injured since it hurts when i bend it in a certain way.
on a positive note, at least i dont have fever. yup. thats the only good thing i can say about it. i really want to scream and kick chairs at the moment. wait, i have another good thing to say: God, thank You for the rain. it may not be much but i appreciate it. sorry, You cursed me with insatiability.
on a positive note, at least i dont have fever. yup. thats the only good thing i can say about it. i really want to scream and kick chairs at the moment. wait, i have another good thing to say: God, thank You for the rain. it may not be much but i appreciate it. sorry, You cursed me with insatiability.
bring the goddamn rain already!!!
sorry God but i would like to apologize for what i have to say:
where the fuck is the rain? is that it? pathetic droplets!?
You know that i always ask for rain, whether im indoors or outdoors, i dont care. earlier this week i was taunting You to bring the rain while i was walking home. i didnt care if i get wet. all i want is rain. real rain. not the pathetic light rain weve been experiencing. the only rain that ive enjoyed recently was when You provided torrential downpour coupled with strong winds. people with me in the jeepney said it was as if there was a storm. all i could do was smile and enjoy the sight im seeing. so God, cmon, dont hold back. i know we wont be able to withstand even a small percentage of Your wrath but dont You think we deserve it?
i think i just came up with a new blog format. now i can activate my remaining unused blog address.
anyway, maybe what i just said is a bit extreme and offensive to You and to mankind. its just im pissed with this warm weather and i curse the generations that came before me for turning the planet into its current miserable state. pinnacle of evolution my ass. man's existence has become incompatible with the planet's existence. i hate to inherit the planet in this state and pass it on to the next generation in a much worse condition. they say the damage is still reversible but the thing is, man's forward march is no longer attuned to the decent survival of other life forms and the planet's. man has become a nuisance to his home planet. the question is, will this nuisance be abated by God's wrath? if so, when? if not, why? im starting to sound like Nagato. but then again, maybe we are experiencing Your wrath by allowing us to exist under this condition of gradual self-destruction. to suffer in moderate amounts to pay for our sins.
Thursday, June 17, 2010
Monday, June 14, 2010
regret, remorse, repentance
Frankie, ive seen you at Mass almost every day for 23 years. the only person that comes to church that much is the kind who cant forgive himself for something. - Father Horvak
Tuesday, June 08, 2010
Homer's version of Tennyson's famous phrase
"sometimes when you least expect it, you realize that someone loves you. and that means someone can love you again. that will make you smile" - Homer Simpson
Saturday, June 05, 2010
Friday, June 04, 2010
i love the 80s and i love Evie
finally found vids of this TV series. i loved this show. i remember watching its first episode back in the early 90s, almost 2 decades ago. Evie is one of my all time TV crushes. i really love the 80s.
Sunday, May 30, 2010
do i really look like a guy with a plan?
i want a simple life. a simple, solitary life. free from worries and hassles. keep a few friends that i can visit when i want to take a break from all the travelling i intend to do. this was my high school plan.
my grade school plan was marry an intelligent woman, preferably a scientist or someone very knowledgeable in the natural sciences and mathematics, have a kid, have a simple house in a nice subdivision. i saw life differently then. this was a plan.
college sort of made me revise the high school plan a bit. i thought, given my "position in the order of things", why not dream big. why not aim much higher than a mere simple life. i compared myself to other people and saw myself having the potential to go farther than most of them. all i had to do was exert more effort and make life a little more complicated.
i have the capacity, i have the potential, i have the ability to become someone great, someone who can do something, someone who can change things. all i have to do is try. i rarely believe in things that arent facts but i believe in this one. i believe than i can take a lead role in something and perform very well in doing it. problem is, i dont want a lead role in anything. i still want a simple life. thats why i never give "100%" in anything i do because i dont have a passion for it. i wonder if someone can be passionate in striving to live a simple life. i think passion is for instances where someone wants to go beyond the limits. and going beyond the limit isnt something simple.
my highschool plan was nice. i shouldnt have deviated. i did try to restore it in 2008 but someone in 2009 disrupted it. she managed to persuade me to make her an exception and try to revise the plan again. well, it wont work. revising it to accommodate exceptions wont work. its either i stick to the plan or discard it entirely. i think i was much wiser back in high school. unfortunately, my current state isnt conditioned for that plan. i will have to rid myself of the college plan blueprints.
my grade school plan was marry an intelligent woman, preferably a scientist or someone very knowledgeable in the natural sciences and mathematics, have a kid, have a simple house in a nice subdivision. i saw life differently then. this was a plan.
college sort of made me revise the high school plan a bit. i thought, given my "position in the order of things", why not dream big. why not aim much higher than a mere simple life. i compared myself to other people and saw myself having the potential to go farther than most of them. all i had to do was exert more effort and make life a little more complicated.
i have the capacity, i have the potential, i have the ability to become someone great, someone who can do something, someone who can change things. all i have to do is try. i rarely believe in things that arent facts but i believe in this one. i believe than i can take a lead role in something and perform very well in doing it. problem is, i dont want a lead role in anything. i still want a simple life. thats why i never give "100%" in anything i do because i dont have a passion for it. i wonder if someone can be passionate in striving to live a simple life. i think passion is for instances where someone wants to go beyond the limits. and going beyond the limit isnt something simple.
my highschool plan was nice. i shouldnt have deviated. i did try to restore it in 2008 but someone in 2009 disrupted it. she managed to persuade me to make her an exception and try to revise the plan again. well, it wont work. revising it to accommodate exceptions wont work. its either i stick to the plan or discard it entirely. i think i was much wiser back in high school. unfortunately, my current state isnt conditioned for that plan. i will have to rid myself of the college plan blueprints.
ive been taking a break for more than half a decade
Great people talk about ideas, average people talk about things and small people talk about other people.
Greatness was something i desired. that's why when college friends said they're taking a break from greatness (to explain why they talk about other people), i said to myself that there's no such thing as taking a break from greatness. a great person never takes a break from greatness.
Greatness was something i desired. that's why when college friends said they're taking a break from greatness (to explain why they talk about other people), i said to myself that there's no such thing as taking a break from greatness. a great person never takes a break from greatness.
Friday, May 28, 2010
Monday, May 24, 2010
i miss being a morning person
its 11am and im eating my breakfast in front of the laptop. 11am! usually i wake up at 8am. that was when i had work. before that, i woke up around 7am. that was when i had review classes in arellano. before that, i woke up around 5am or 6am. that was when i was a morning person and happy to start a brand new day. before i was a morning person, i was just this grouchy guy who wakes up somewhere between 9am to 11am, depending on whether i need to go to school or not.
im really not a morning person. i hate waking up. if it were possible to just sleep all day and all night, i probably would. but i have to admit, in that short time that i was a morning person, mornings were great.
im really not a morning person. i hate waking up. if it were possible to just sleep all day and all night, i probably would. but i have to admit, in that short time that i was a morning person, mornings were great.
Sunday, May 23, 2010
impaired sensory function
the way im using my mp3 player, it wont be a surprise if i lose my sense of hearing. the way im worrying about my eyes, its possible that i lose my sense of sight one day. i wonder what its like to be deaf and blind? not that i would want to be deaf and blind but i just wonder how one can get by with no sense of sight and no sense of hearing at the same time.
i remember waking up blind. i woke up in a dream where i was blind. it was just a very short dream. i woke up and everything was black. i tried to figure out where i was and after a few minutes i realized i was blind. after the realization, i woke up a second time and this time i really woke up. i probably had the dream because ive been worrying about my eyes lately (lately means months, almost a year). for some unexplained reason, im worrying that one day, the light will suddenly disappear from my eyes, leaving it to succumb to darkness. my eyes feel tired. it is as if ive used it to its limit or its about to reach its limit.
as for my ears, i have tinnitus. i hear this high pitch sound, usually in my left ear, ever since i was in grade school. not sure if its leading to hearing loss. one problem with my sense of hearing is that if im in a noisy environment, i easily get disoriented. i remember last year i was in a room with four people and two of them were talking loudly and the room somehow magnifies the sound of their voice. one person was trying to talk to me while the two were talking and the sound of three people talking appeared to me as the same as the sound of a crowd of people talking. it was as if there were more than three people in the room and i cant focus on what the person talking to me was saying. its like i absorb all the sounds in a given environment, the way a recorder does.
i think i overuse my sense of hearing and my sense of sight. in a public place, i easily get distracted by the sight and sounds because i keep looking around, trying to have a good sense of my surroundings, trying to know whats on my peripheral vision and what's behind me.
as for my other senses, well, as for my sense of touch, i dont like the sticky feeling. no one does but it really bothers me. thats why i hate this weather. i hate the oily feeling. i wake up in the middle of the night caused by the discomfort caused by the heat, the sticky feeling it creates on one's skin. as regards my sense of smell, i have a poor sense of smell. but someone once said i always smell good. i hope she's telling the truth because i really cant tell. i have no comments regarding my sense of taste.
i remember waking up blind. i woke up in a dream where i was blind. it was just a very short dream. i woke up and everything was black. i tried to figure out where i was and after a few minutes i realized i was blind. after the realization, i woke up a second time and this time i really woke up. i probably had the dream because ive been worrying about my eyes lately (lately means months, almost a year). for some unexplained reason, im worrying that one day, the light will suddenly disappear from my eyes, leaving it to succumb to darkness. my eyes feel tired. it is as if ive used it to its limit or its about to reach its limit.
as for my ears, i have tinnitus. i hear this high pitch sound, usually in my left ear, ever since i was in grade school. not sure if its leading to hearing loss. one problem with my sense of hearing is that if im in a noisy environment, i easily get disoriented. i remember last year i was in a room with four people and two of them were talking loudly and the room somehow magnifies the sound of their voice. one person was trying to talk to me while the two were talking and the sound of three people talking appeared to me as the same as the sound of a crowd of people talking. it was as if there were more than three people in the room and i cant focus on what the person talking to me was saying. its like i absorb all the sounds in a given environment, the way a recorder does.
i think i overuse my sense of hearing and my sense of sight. in a public place, i easily get distracted by the sight and sounds because i keep looking around, trying to have a good sense of my surroundings, trying to know whats on my peripheral vision and what's behind me.
as for my other senses, well, as for my sense of touch, i dont like the sticky feeling. no one does but it really bothers me. thats why i hate this weather. i hate the oily feeling. i wake up in the middle of the night caused by the discomfort caused by the heat, the sticky feeling it creates on one's skin. as regards my sense of smell, i have a poor sense of smell. but someone once said i always smell good. i hope she's telling the truth because i really cant tell. i have no comments regarding my sense of taste.
post election reflection
automation seemed to have made a lot of difference. i thought it was going to be a three way fight between Villar, Aquino and Teodoro. and my basis for coming up with such a prediction is based from what i know about Philippine elections. the automated elections seemed to have changed the way elections are conducted. im starting to doubt what i know. im starting to think that i need to do something about myself. it seems im making more wrong answers than right ones, more prone to erroneous calculations. there might be something wrong with the way i see things at the moment.
will i experience virtual reality technology in my lifetime?
back in 02 July 2007, in a blog entry, i wondered whether 3D is the future of the movie industry. i thought it was the next logical step. from silent films to black and white films with audio to colored movies to 3D movies. it seems thats where the movie industry is heading. ive seen Avatar in 3D and Alice in Wonderland in 3D. and one can see the difference with a movie shot in digital 3D and a movie that was converted into 3D. for the latter, i would rather watch the 2D version since there isnt much difference except a slight pop-up effect. i wouldnt pay more for that. the point is, right now, 3D is what's generating money for movie makers. this is something foreseeable and i stated this back in 2007. what i didnt foresee is 3D television emerging this soon. i thought 3D television will be available once 3D movies become the norm. were still in the CRT era (when i say "we" i mean our household) and havent switched to LCD/plasma and 3D HDTV is already available? do we get tired of new technology that fast? the digital entertainment industry is moving too fast for me (only porn can adjust as fast as technology moves forward). or im just getting old. if i were to believe Douglas Adams, anything that will be invented after im thirty five i will start to see as against the natural order of things.
i miss playing video games
i grew up playing in the streets, having other human kids to interact with to have fun. when someone says "games", i think of hide and seek, tumbang preso, langit-lupa, patintero, a game of tag, etc. i think nowadays, when someone says "games", what comes to mind are video games (anong games meron sa cellphone mo? anong games meron ka dyan?). nowadays, i rarely see kids playing outside. thats understandable with the intense heat were having. i see kids playing with PSPs instead. when i was at there age, i was busy climbing trees or the neigbor's fence or being chased by the neighbor's dog. the first time we finally owned a video game console was when i was in first year college (my cousin who's more or less 10 years older finally had his own video game console was when he was already married and had one kid). the only kids i see playing games that arent video games are toddlers and those kids slightly older. and i see them playing inside the "kiddie corners" of fast food restaurants. i never played in one of those "kiddie corners". i never celebrated a birthday in mcdonalds or jollibee. a college friend said everyone spends at least one birthday in mcdonalds or jollibee. well, i never did and i never wanted to since my idea of a birthday party was inviting everyone over to my place and play some party games. and get gifts of course. anyway, im just wondering how the kids of today will be like when they grow up. educated by TV programs and the internet and entertained by video games. i wonder if they can fall in line, wait patiently without playing a PSP. whatever happened to waiting in line with a good book? well, there's the iPad and other tablets so thats one way of reintroducing books to the younger generation. and then there's the state of environment they will inherit. scarce resources. i wonder if they can effectively utilize the information that they will have by then and whether they will be physically fit to endure the external changes that are happening. by then, im planning to be sitting in room inside a place of my own, playing video games. i think thats the best contribution they can give to the outgoing generation. digital entertainment.
gadgets galore
my digicam is back! ha! i wish! it still hasnt returned to me ever since it was stolen from my back pack last January 2010. its a sony cybershot DSC-L1. its the only sony cybershot camera in the L series. its no longer in production. i never saw it being displayed or being sold actually. i dont want a DSLR. i want a simple digicam like the one i lost. i want the one i lost actually (damn you thief!). it has scratches on its front so i can easily identify it. and its LCD screen has its edges slightly damaged due to exposure to the damaging heat of the sun. its got bits of sand coming out of its power switch and its memory card is a fake Sony MS Pro Duo. Sony Cybershot DSC-L1, or Karma police, or great Jupiter, or anyone that could do something, if youre reading this, please return to me Sony Cybershot DSC-L1.
i should get some nokia loyalty reward or something
i was thinking of buying the samsung C5212 or samsung B2100 but i opted to stick with nokia. ive been using nokia phones for more than a decade now and so far, im satisfied with their products. so satisfied that i developed some kind of attachment to my cellphones. since nokia 3660, i never switch off my cellphone. never (unless i need to remove the battery or sim card). its always on and it never runs out of battery because i always charge it. an empty cellphone battery is something foreign to me. my cellphones are always within arms reach. well, most of the time since i cant take wherever i go (except my nokia 3660 where i developed an attachment to the point that i take with me even if im in the shower and i noticed that people contact me frequently when im in the shower). even in my half asleep and half awake moments, i know where my cellphones are located. its the first things i look at every morning and the last thing i look at every night. i think ever since i owned a cellphone back in 1999, i never lasted more than a week not owning a cellphone. i am attached to my cellphones.
Saturday, May 22, 2010
holy heat!
the summer heat is unbearable!
i would have to say that i consider myself lucky to have experienced playing under the sun when i was a kid (under tolerable heat conditions). i think that's the reason for my dark skin since only my exposed limbs and my face are dark. every summer i would play outside, roam the streets of Lagro and not complain about the heat. i remember my PE teacher back in grade school saying that the dangerous rays of the sun come around 10am. anytime before 10am, its ok to be exposed to the sun. nowadays, i think the moment the sun comes up, its going to cause some kind of damage to your skin at the very least. i wonder how hot things will be by next year? i wonder how we will adapt to this change in the climate? its weird that the discomfort caused by climate change was due to the stuff man introduced for his comfort and convenience.
i would have to say that i consider myself lucky to have experienced playing under the sun when i was a kid (under tolerable heat conditions). i think that's the reason for my dark skin since only my exposed limbs and my face are dark. every summer i would play outside, roam the streets of Lagro and not complain about the heat. i remember my PE teacher back in grade school saying that the dangerous rays of the sun come around 10am. anytime before 10am, its ok to be exposed to the sun. nowadays, i think the moment the sun comes up, its going to cause some kind of damage to your skin at the very least. i wonder how hot things will be by next year? i wonder how we will adapt to this change in the climate? its weird that the discomfort caused by climate change was due to the stuff man introduced for his comfort and convenience.
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