no pain, no gain

Invincible Youth is a korean television program about girls coming from different top Kpop girl groups doing actual farm work in a certain rural area in South Korea. its a half reality, half variety show. after seeing one episode, i got hooked. i managed to watch until episode 32 earlier this week and im looking for episodes 33 onwards. its difficult to find a subbed episode after episode 32 because the cast members that are also part of Girls Generation (SNSD) left after episode 32 (so the subbers of the program stopped subbing it unless there's an episode involving members of SNSD). i need to find fansubs of other Kpop groups to find the latter episodes (aaah, fansubs and their fansubbers. our modern day copyright infringers and the "enemy" of profit-sensitive corporations. from anime to manga to Kpop. i should have used this topic for a legal research paper)

the primary shooting location is a typical rural house in a farming village. they personally built the restroom in the first episode (i think the girls didnt use it after the first episode since its only a soy sauce jar buried in the ground. in a latter episode, a cast member asked that the prize for the game be the privilege to use any restroom in the farming village). this house serves as the "set" for the program which visitors can visit during non-shooting days. they only shoot the program for one whole day (i think. based from my observation. it starts very early in the morning and ends late in the afternoon, sometimes evening). usually, a day's filming is equivalent to one episode. there are no scripts (except a few lines used for the opening part or ending part) so they just need to shoot continuously for the entire day, collect all the footage and edit it.

the cast members are members of top Kpop girl groups (this is what caught my attention to watch the program, obviously). there's seven of them from 6 different girl groups, one for each group except SNSD which has two representatives (hence seven). it makes use of a multi-camera set-up (same as How I Met Your Mother. but if i remember correctly, How I Met Your Mother takes 2-3 days to shoot for a half an hour program. or it takes 2-3 days to edit the footage?). i think they usually use at least 14 cameras simultaneously. some cameras are used for multi-angle shots while others are used to follow the members as they go around the shooting location.

the cast members are given tasks involving farm work (planting lettuce, planting rice, grafting eggplants, harvesting crops, etc) and other rural livelihood activities (raising livestock, making tofu, making kimchi, selling their produce, applying for a loan, etc). initially people would think its scripted and "fake" but after seeing many episodes, it can be seen that the cast members do the actual work and the multi-camera set-up is useful in showing this (the edited footage can sometimes show that the cast members did the actual work from start to finish). of course the opening lines and themes are scripted but everything else in between arent. the crew just keeps shooting the cast members wherever they go and after getting a lot of footage, they edit it. thats why some cast members dont get much air time because their footage arent good enough for broadcast (which also became a running joke for the cast members). the program isnt just reality TV, its also a variety show. so its not about just performing the task (which became an initial complaint since some cast members do a lot of work and its not even shown in the broadast), its about performing the task in an entertaining manner or having quotable lines. so the show's hosts (which also perform the tasks assigned for each episode) always joke that the program is becoming a documentary when they realize everyone is too busy working or too involved in the task. in order to make it more entertaining, they insert games or gags while working. they also do games on who gets ownership of the livestock or a particular farm produce. some cast members have the knack of working in an entertaining manner, some dont. so it took some time for some cast members to the concept of half reality, half variety show and how to get more air time.

another thing i like about the program (what i like about it most is that it involves members of girls groups, not only SNSD) is that it promotes the lifestyle in the rural area. i think the show also gave upon itself the project of making the farming village a venue for hands-on farming for tourists and visitors. it doesnt only inform the viewers how to properly do farm work (one cast member even had to apply for a license to operate farming equipments) but it invites them to visit the area and experience some of the farm work themselves. well, i think. i havent reached that far in the episodes. i really dont know what happened after members of SNSD left the program. im still looking for the latter episodes. i think a program like this would be a lot of help here. im not talking about just farming. i think its still debateable what kind of industry the Philippines should focus on. once that's been determined, programs that entice people to work under such industry should be made to promote it. programs that promote self sufficiency and employment.

this video basically sums up what i just said (credit to uploader auradreamer):

hit the snooze button

im the type of person who can quickly slip into the dream world when i take a nap. if im really tired or sleepy, the moment i close my eyes, i start dreaming already. its different when i sleep at night. it takes some time before dreams materialize. the vivid ones usually come between 5am to 7am. i guess it appears vivid to me because its near my waking time and i remember most of it.

dreaming is like altering one's consciousness. like when i take a nap or simply doze off while sitting in my office chair, when i start dreaming, its as if im automatically transported into another world and i simply accept it without objection. one moment im sitting in my office, minutes after i close my eyes, im in a coffee shop talking to an absolute stranger. i dont try to determine whether its a dream or not. sitting with a stranger in a coffee shop is a dead give away im in a dream. i just accept it as what it presents itself to be and go with the flow of the dream (unless i dont like where its heading then i try to alter its course). since im only taking a nap, the slightest noise from the real world would wake me up and i get pulled out of that coffee shop back to my chair inside my office room. the sudden change of environment doesnt disorient me. i know that i was just dreaming (but there are dreams that are so captivating that the moment i wake up, i absolutely feel i have no idea where i am or what day it is. for some weird reason, i like it when that happens). at the same time, it makes me feel i teleported from one world to another. it makes me feel like i exist simultaneously in two different worlds. since i cant have a simultaneous consciousness of both, i merely switch between the two consciousness, where im on autopilot on the consciousness im not presently with (so when im awake, my other consciousness that exists in the subconcious is just there, waiting for me to revert back to it). i think when people zone out in the real world, its as if they're trying to reach the other consciousness they have that exists in their subconscious without going to sleep. i think this is when the two consciousness almost meet but not quite.

anyway, its because of dreams that i find sleep addictive. dreams are much more interesting than the real world. its a place where one can let go of himself. i become violent in my dreams and i consider it as an indication that i have some frustrations building up and its my other consciousness telling me to find an outlet in the real world for this stored anger. its also in dreams where people have the opportunity to spend time with people they want to spend time with or cant spend time with, whether deceased or living. death has no power in people's dreams. if it has, its merely an illusion. dreams are simply fascinating.

i wrote this entry about dreams because i had a peculiar dream weeks ago. it involved riding elevators. i cant remember much of it now but that dream has left a deep impression on me. and i just need to put it in writing here in case i need to remember it someday. this is the purpose of this blog after all.

in that particular dream, i just kept riding elevators. not that i stayed in it the whole time. i got out of course. it was as if i was running an errand or doing work similar to a messenger. i enter the elevator, go up several floors, step out, accomplish what i need to accomplish in that floor, return to the elevator, go down, then repeat the whole cycle again on another floor. i kept repeating this until i entered the elevator with two guys in it. not that the elevator was empty when i used it before but in this instance, there was something about these guys. and this time, i was heading towards the top most floor. when i stepped out the elevator, the two guys also stepped out and introduced themselves as Life and Experience. i simply nodded and thought to myself, "sounds like im in some low budget corny movie". now that i think about it, it could be some philosophical comedy. anyway, i went to the reception area of that floor. i was instructed to go to another building and go to the room of lady named Chandra Gupta. during the dream, i thought the name sounded familiar (i had to google it days later since the name wasnt leaving my head. when i found out what the name was all about, i didnt even bother finding out more. it bored me). so i went to the other building, which looked like its four decades old and just 30 storeys high. but im supposed to go to the 200 plus floor. that cant be right, i said to myself. but i entered the building's elevator anyway. i didnt press any button. it went up on its own. like a scene from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, it went higher than the building and learned i was riding a glass elevator. so up it went and i reached Chandra's floor. she was a middle aged woman, beautiful and if i were asked to give her a name that would suit her, i would say Monica. maybe because her hairstyle resembled Monica Lewinsky's. but her face looked as if it was a reflection of wisdom. she was casually dressed and gives off an impression of just being an average middle age woman with good looks. its only upon closer inspection of her face that one starts to think she might not be as average as she appears to be. its like she has some vast knowledge secretly hidden within her. anyway, the dream didnt end there but i cant remember what happened afterwards. the last thing i can remember was that i asked for some chocolate or chocolate cake.

some people would try to find some profound meaning or psychic interpretation in their dreams (like my cousin). i dont. if i do, i merely do it to amuse myself (or others. probably). i seriously dont think dreams have any significant meaning that needs thorough analysis and interpretation. if there's any meaning to it, i think its simply a reflection of what we cant express in the real world, like stored anger or deep sorrow or inexplicable happiness. as for the weird dream i just narrated, i just think i have use for it someday and i dont want to forget about it. i dont think im going to meet someone named Chandra Gupta (as opposed to the nagging feeling ive been having regarding a girl named Mika. its been weeks since ive felt i should be careful of a girl named Mika, in case i meet one in the next 6 months) or that i should take note of the elevator occupants whenever i ride it. i think its just something interesting that there's no harm in noting.

two when tee seven

Twenty seven. its a nice sounding age. "how old are you?" twenty seven. "please write your age". 27. its old but not that old. it looks good. it has a certain appeal to it. its weird i havent given much attention to it. i already have something planned by the time i reach 28. i also came up with something when i was 26. but i havent really given much thought how im going to use my 27th year.

the thought occurred to me while i was staring at the back of left hand inside my office earlier today. i just finished my lunch 15 minutes earlier when i felt my hands were drying up again (its the dishwashing paste i used when i cleaned my utensils after i ate my lunch). it has become a habit for me to look at my hand from time to time. i remember back in college, a classmate caught me staring blankly at my right palm during class. she just came back from the rest room and was about to go back to her seat. she was seated in front me. when i sensed someone was walking at my right side, i looked up from my seat and there she was, giving me a puzzled look. a look that says "are you high or something? why the hell are you staring at your right palm in the middle of a class lecture?" well, i was staring at it because the wrinkles on my hands indicate how old i am. seeing the wrinkly skin on my hands really makes me feel old and it immerses me in some deep thought relating to years and lifetime. 

seeing the wrinkly skin of the back of my left hand reminded me i just turned twenty seven. it made me realize i havent given much thought what i will do as a twenty seven year old guy. i already have plans until i reach 28 but those are mostly related to work. thats just one aspect of one's life. if twenty seven is some kind of bottle that needs to be filled up to reach age 28, the plans i have now probably just fill, at the most, half of it. i need to think of the other aspects that i will need to do to fill up my 27th year. not that its necessary to think about it but i think its better to have something planned than nothing. its easier to discard or revise plans along the way when something unforeseeable or unavoidable occurs compared to coming up with something out of thin air. some would argue life is much more exciting when one implements the latter approach. but at this age, ive realized that opportunities are lost through that approach too. life can be harsh. well, life is harsh. there's no such thing as a demandable right to be given a second chance. as much as possible, i would rather minimize my regrets. if i do need to do something regretful, i make sure im prepared for the consequences. im no longer that college kid who used to say that im ready to die any moment because ive lived my life without regrets. the older i got, the more i realized how many opportunities ive lost.

so how will i make use of my 27th year? well, the stuff i have in store for my 28th year needs some preparation and a lot of hard work to pull it off. so am i going to spend my 27th year anticipating the 28th? well, my work plans already intends to address this concern. so what i need are plans that will supplement my current plans and make things interesting.

day in and day out

there's nothing to blog about lately. nothing new or nothing out of the ordinary or nothing worth writing about is happening. each day is substantially the same since i started  working last october. i wake up around 8am. i eat my breakfast (i started having sweet potatoes for breakfast as an attempt to consume nutritious food. if there are no sweet potatoes, then my breakfast would be pandesal. there are days i get to have half a liter of soybean custard). then i brush my teeth (i shave if im in the mood or if i need to appear in court), take a bath, get dressed then walk to my office. its a 5-10 minute walk. i reach my office a little past 9am.

going to work is a bit out of the ordinary because its like going to batman's bat cave (if batman considers his cave as his office. but i dont see myself as batman. i dont have the required moral fiber). instead of going to an ordinary building lobby, the most convenient entrance to my office is passing through the dark basement parking with its leaking pipes (so i always need to make sure there are no cars that are about to exit the basement parking before i start walking down the narrow ramp and be careful of the puddles of water). since the elevator isnt working, i have to take four flights of stairs that lead to a dark lobby that has three wooden divan-like furnitures with animal sculptures. the only lighted area in the 2nd floor is the inside of my office (the walls of the office facing the lobby are made of glass). actually, the entire floor is my office and its lobby is dark simply because there are no working light bulbs. there are no signs either that would indicate its an office. the only thing posted on the door is the time of the office lunch break.

the scent of cigarette smoke is what greets anyone that enters the lobby (and stale cigarette smoke when they enter the actual office).

my room is located at the far end of the office, at the end of a corridor. it has a typical wooden desk, one swivel chair for me and two wooden chairs for clients. the only object on my desk is a paper tray containing office notices (whether i received calls while im out of the office, instructions for research to be done, etc), documents ive reviewed or written and papers containing the research ive done. i always return the books ive read when im done using it. there's a filing cabinet at one corner of my room, two monoblock chairs (one of which has a stack of case files), stacks of case files on the floor and cobwebs on the ceiling. i have no computer (so i use my laptop. in effect, i dont have an internet connection since the office doesnt have wifi). when i need to do some online research, i will have to borrow the secretary's computer (but i rarely need to go online. the office library and the law materials i have in my laptop are usually enough). the office also doesnt have running water. most people would find such an office depressing but after some time, its not really bad as it first appears to be. its a fully functioning office and its not as inconvenient as it sounds. i think its very much like a typical office in the mid-90s. 

there are days when there's a lot to do. there are days when the work load is just right. there are days when i do nothing at all (so i do bum around in the office. but not everyday). in any case, i always finish my work within a satisfactory period. i dont miss a deadline and they tell me i work really fast. even when i worked for an NGO last year, in my exit interview, they told me that i do work quickly or i get the job done faster than they expected. i guess the normal pace for me is faster compared to most people (thats why fastfood counters arent fast enough for me and one of the primary sources of frustration. a slow internet speed still remains the most frustrating experience). an officemate joked that i shouldnt finish my work too quickly because my boss might get used to it. i might set a new standard in accomplishing work and it would be burdensome for others, including me because im raising expectations. as for the quality of work, no one has complimented me about it and no one has complained either. what they always notice is my speed. so i guess my work is good enough. well, i dont aim for an excellent work anyway. ive always been an advocate of "substantial compliance" since high school. if i think its good enough, its good enough.

when the day's work is done, i walk home. once i get home, i eat some snacks while i go online to check emails (its the time of the day i can finally have some internet time). the moment i enter my room, i change my clothes, unpack my laptop and switch it on. after i check my emails, i watch youtube videos until midnight. i eat my dinner at 7pm, do some night rituals by 11pm and sleep by midnight. whenever i eat dinner, i need to be watching something on TV. so when i find something really good to watch, i sometimes take a break from watching online videos. 

this is my usual routine during the weekdays when no external forces intervene. i try not to change it since it allows me to go on autopilot. it makes time fly by faster.

just another simple sunday

most people like their own birthdays. i do too. i like its month. i like its date. i like its year. what i dont like is people making a fuss about it. well, recently, thats what i dont like about it. i just dont like receiving the kind of attention people give to people on their birthdays. thats why this year, i thought my birthday went well compared to recent years. it went like just another simple sunday. i didnt even feel it was my birthday.

like most kids, i like celebrating my birthday. i get excited the same way as im excited when christmas day arrives. but as i grew older, i got less enthusiastic about it. maybe it was the gift receiving part. im not that interested in receiving gifts anymore. not that i dont want gifts, i just can go on without receiving any. i dont have strong feelings regarding receiving gifts (but then again, i dont have strong feelings for most things). and like i said, i dont like receiving too much attention. being the moody person that i am, i dont want to receive attention when im not in the mood to have any. it really makes me uncomfortable. in the previous years, i felt everyone was waiting for me to come out of my room so they can greet me. it makes me start my day feeling weird.

this year, i spent my birthday with less personal greetings. and i managed not to think it was my birthday most of the day. i ate lunch with my family at a mall's foodcourt (because i wanted the crispy ribs and kimchi of Kimchi), watched the first half of the 7th installment of Harry Potter with my siblings and accompanied my sister buy her new pair of shoes. the day wasnt about me, it was like any other typical mall day. it was nice. i guess im the type that gets too mindful its my birthday that it heightens my expectations and i ruin it for myself when people dont meet my standards. thats why i would rather forget its my birthday so i can enjoy it more. reminds me of a commercial of a Tv program in JackTV. that the key to happiness is lowered expectations. its meant to be a joke but it makes a lot of sense and in a way a bit sad that there's some truth in it.

anyway, im greeting myself a happy birthday. and im offering myself this birthday card given to me by college blockmates a few years ago. how self-centered can i get that im greeting myself and giving myself a card (well, i enjoy it when im self-centered). i took this pic during the bar review. for some reason, i just felt like going down memory lane after a tiring review day.

losing a whole year

i went to cubao earlier today to have my driver's license renewed. i even asked permission from the office secretary that i will be late for work today because of the renewal. when i reached the LTO center in cubao, the guy asked for my license and i gave it to him. i was surprised with what he said. my license isnt due to expire until next year! i checked my license and he was right! what the?

i checked the date in my license the night before (and days before because i was convinced that its supposed to expire this year) and i remember reading that its supposed to expire in 2011. problem is, i forgot its only 2010. ever since 2008-2009, whenever i compute years, for some strange reason, i count 2010 and 2011 as one. not that i see them as one year but its either i forget about 2010 or i forget about 2011. after 2009, i only count one year then i quickly skip to 2012. i think im too eager to be in 2012.

i miss seeing 5am with a smile on my face

right now, im just waiting for the clock to strike 12. im too tired to read or study anything and ive watched all the vids i can watch for today (i try to estimate the vids whether i will finish watching it before 12). im really trying to get an average of 7 hours of sleep each day (but i usually end up with 8 hours). ive been observing my hours of sleep for months and i noticed that if i sleep after 1am, i get pimples (and i get them in a particular area of my face and all over my scalp). if i sleep beyond 8 hours, the skin between my eyes, up to some portion of the skin beneath my eyebrows, gets oily and dry so it ends up looking like i have dandruff on my eyebrows and between my eyes (some say its caused by stress but i noticed that it was really related to the number of sleeping hours).

i really should avoid sleeping beyond 1am because even if i get enough sleep, im bound to get pimples. if i sleep early, i should wake up early and not go beyond 8 hours. thats why im waiting for 12 midnight because i dont like waking up early (so if i sleep by midnight, ideally, i should wake up by 7am, not later than 8am but not earlier than 6am. so i wont oversleep or have too less of it). well, its not that i dont like waking up early but its really more of i dont have reason to wake up. every morning, i just wake up because i dont want to be late for work. before that, its because i dont want to be late for school. i dont wake up because im looking forward to something. or im happy to have another day. well, for a certain time in 2009, i was happy to wake up every morning because i had a reason to wake up (or i was happy to wake up because i have another day to spend and i was looking forward to spend it). so i know how it feels to wake up with a sense of purpose or sense of eagerness to live another day or have the answer to the question posed by the Nescafe classic commercial. waking up this way really makes a lot of difference. unfortunately, waking up in this manner is something that's against my norm. if only i could sleep a lot i would so i wouldnt have to wake up. i love to sleep because i like it more than the moments im awake but i cant spend much time sleeping now. at this age, i cant oversleep anymore. i have to accept the fact that sleeping more than what my body needs is time wasted or time that could be used productively.

12 long years of struggling against obsolescence

our home PC is already 12 years old, going for 13 and most likely will reach and finish 13 years.

it malfunctioned yesterday so i had it repaired earlier this day. the reason it gets stuck on the boot screen was because its floppy disk drive was already malfunctioning. if it didnt malfunction, i wouldnt have known that such disk drive still existed in our PC's CPU. i stopped using floppy diskettes a long time ago. i think i was still using it back in college but as early as 3rd year college, i knew that the USB flash drive was the future of portable storage devices. back then it cost around P1300 or P1500 for a thumb drive with a only a few megabytes of disk storage.

anyway, we bought our PC back in 1998 with a Windows 98 operating system. i think it only had a 2gig hard disk. that hard disk crashed in 2003, i think because i downloaded too many songs from napster that i reached its maximum storage space, leaving no room for the OS to operate. i remember leaving the PC on overnight while it downloaded the songs using a 56k dial-up modem. when its hard disk crashed, i had the PC upgraded. the hard disk was upgraded to 20gig and its processor to Pentium 4. i think its RAM was upgraded too. the upgrade costs around P14,000. then a few years later, i think around 2006, since the 20gig hard disk wasnt sufficient, i added another hard disk with a 250 gig capacity. then earlier this year, april 2010, it's video card finally gave in. so i upgraded its video card and added another hard disk, this time only 40 gig, just to replace the 20 gig hard disk as its C drive since the 20 gig hard disk is showing signs of having difficulties in processing stuff and might crash anytime soon. i think the upgrade was around P2000 to P3000. as for the recent malfunction, no repair was needed since no one has used the floppy drive for years and no one will use it anymore. the only thing that needed to be done was deactivate it (which i did improperly thats why i had to bring it to the repairshop).

its keyboard, printer, speaker, soundcard, motherboard and power supply are still the same parts from 1998. its original CD drive has been deactivated since i needed the slot for the hard disk but its still functioning (the newer CD drive is the one that's showing signs that it might stop working sooner or later). its dial-up modem is still there and i dont think it ever broke down. so its still functioning too (if there will come a time that i will use it). its motherboard is so old that it's USB slots are at the back of the CPU (and there's only two so i had to buy additional USB slots) and its difficult to find a compatible RAM for it since it might no longer be in production anymore. the monitor has only been replaced once and it was still back in college. so were still using a CRT monitor.

i still remember the day this PC came to our house. i was so excited and relieved. excited because i already had a love for gadgets since then and the PC back in the 90s was a wonderful creature. relieved because i will no longer struggle using my typewriter. i call it my typewriter because i was the only one that used it. i remember going to the mall to buy its ribbon.  

chocolate love

i saw something today that cheered me up after i got home from work. my jaw dropped when i saw the contents of the white plastic bag inside the fridge. it contained chocolates!!!

yeah, i like chocolates a lot. when i still had a better paying job, i drop by 7/11 and buy me some toblerone dark then eat it while walking home (now, i have a new 7/11 item im addicted to. i wonder why groceries dont have this item?). i dont consider chocolates as candies. for me its an entirely different creature from candies (like an ice cream being different from chocolates). i dont like candies very much. thats why when people ask me whether i have some candy, i always answer no and its highly unusual for me to have any (i know a college blockmate who always have some candies in his pockets or bag. i remember he had a whole pack of candies at home). thats why i consider chocolates as a different creature because as opposed to candies, i like it a lot and its hard for me to say no to someone who offers me chocolates (im programmed to say no, politely or not so politely, to anyone who offers me snacks and candies. i dont want putting my hand in another person's bag of chips. usually. there are exceptions as usual).

im thankful that my tongue is only partially damaged. at least i can still taste the chocolate's goodness. i think this defective tongue would be most likely permanent. i asked my dentist cousin about it and he said stuff like this happens. he has a patient that had a numb cheek for 6 months. it will eventually go away he said. well, i havent reached my sixth month from surgery but if this defective tongue doesnt go away, im not sure if im going to sue the dentist. the thing is, litigation is costly and time consuming. and given that there's always a risk involved in surgery and the need to prove negligence to have a stronger, valid claim, filing a suit for damages might not be ideal. well, it depends. i need to study if there is a good cause of action and whether there is in fact negligence. and if there's still a way to correct the damage of course.

well, at least i can still taste and enjoy chocolates even if half of my tongue cant taste it. of all the foods that i like, chocolates made me think of not being able to enjoy it as usual because of my damaged tongue. well, i thought about it too when i tried tasting mcdonalds fries a week after the surgery but when i found that i can still taste it to some extent, i wasnt as bothered as not being able to enjoy chocolates. 

i really have the knack for not taking seriously stuff that should be taken seriously

just had an interview a few hours ago. it was a nice law firm. it wasnt as intimidating as i initially thought (as usual, my standards are different from actual standards of most people. if i conducted the interview, i would have done it like a "terror" professor, setting a very uncomfortable atmosphere). unfortunately, i didnt bring my A game. actually, i havent brought it for quite some time now (wait, i have an A game? i thought it was against my religion to excel at anything?). when i was riding the bus, heading home after the interview, i was analyzing my interview and how i could have done much better (i should have said this, clarified that, elaborated this, mentioned that, etc).

i left early from my current law office so i could attend the interview for this law firm. i finished the legal research that was assigned to me earlier before leaving. right after i gave the research file to the secretary, i started walking home so i could change to a formal attire for the interview. i reached the law firm 20 minutes before my scheduled time. i have no idea where the law firm is located except its near the Solicitor General's office and i merely estimated the travel time. i thought i was going to be late because i didnt expect that there were only a few passengers at the jeepney terminal around 4:30pm. my interview is scheduled at 5pm. fortunately, the driver didnt wait for his jeep to be filled up. he left the terminal with only five passengers. then the first building i checked for its name was the building of the firm. i just walked a few meters from the solgen's building, checked the name of the building from my PDA and when i randomly stopped in front of a building to check its name, it was already the building i was looking for (my good navigation skill is partially dependent on luck/dirk gently's style of navigation, partially dependent on how well im good at picturing a place from a bird's eye view/wikimapia). so i went in and when i saw the receptionist, i was a bit amused because she was exactly how i pictured her (only half a decade younger. but her face is exactly the same. but the haircut is a bit different). well, that is, if she was the one that called me up regarding the interview (i tried to match a face with the voice while she was telling me about my interview schedule over the phone). if she wasnt the one that called me up, well, she was what i imagined to be sitting at the reception desk of this law firm. so is it a sign im going to get hired here? nah. im just psychic (like the time i was able to imagine how a friend's place would look like).

i was interviewed by three partners of the firm and i didnt bring my A game. i was more focused on not stuttering. i stutter a lot, especially when i have lots of stuff in my mind or have overlapping thoughts. thats why i tell myself im more effective in speaking when im tired. when im tired, my "i dont care, i'll say what i want" self comes to the forefront. im too tired to screen thoughts and words im going to use (im always careful with what i say. thats why a friend tells me that its always a question of semantics when he talks with me. imprecise wordings or vague phrases creates loopholes). unfortunately, its also my most uninhibited self, obviously. so it means i would frown a lot and give an expression that a long conversation is becoming bothersome (or that im getting bored already). but at least i dont stutter and im much more persuasive because my manner of speaking becomes more aggressive and forceful. i dont think thats good in an interview. well anyway, my A game is the midpoint of the two extremes, my stuttering self and the aggressive speaker self. the last time i brought it was half a decade ago. it comes with good theatrics for emphasis. now, i just go to interviews. i sit there and answer questions. i take my time to think and i think im also mindful of not frowning. i really should prepare more. im charging too much to experience that its already an excuse to come unprepared.

ideas are bulletproof

Allow me first to apologize for this interruption. I do, like many of you, appreciate the comforts of every day routine- the security of the familiar, the tranquility of repetition. I enjoy them as much as any bloke. But in the spirit of commemoration, thereby those important events of the past usually associated with someone's death or the end of some awful bloody struggle, a celebration of a nice holiday, I thought we could mark this November the 5th, a day that is sadly no longer remembered, by taking some time out of our daily lives to sit down and have a little chat. There are of course those who do not want us to speak. I suspect even now, orders are being shouted into telephones, and men with guns will soon be on their way. Why? Because while the truncheon may be used in lieu of conversation, words will always retain their power. Words offer the means to meaning, and for those who will listen, the enunciation of truth. And the truth is, there is something terribly wrong with this country, isn't there? Cruelty and injustice, intolerance and oppression. And where once you had the freedom to object, to think and speak as you saw fit, you now have censors and systems of surveillance coercing your conformity and soliciting your submission. How did this happen? Who's to blame? Well certainly there are those more responsible than others, and they will be held accountable, but again truth be told, if you're looking for the guilty, you need only look into a mirror. I know why you did it. I know you were afraid. Who wouldn't be? War, terror, disease. There were a myriad of problems which conspired to corrupt your reason and rob you of your common sense. Fear got the best of you, and in your panic you turned to the now high chancellor, Adam Sutler. He promised you order, he promised you peace, and all he demanded in return was your silent, obedient consent. Last night I sought to end that silence. Last night I destroyed the Old Bailey, to remind this country of what it has forgotten. More than four hundred years ago a great citizen wished to embed the fifth of November forever in our memory. His hope was to remind the world that fairness, justice, and freedom are more than words, they are perspectives. So if you've seen nothing, if the crimes of this government remain unknown to you then I would suggest you allow the fifth of November to pass unmarked. But if you see what I see, if you feel as I feel, and if you would seek as I seek, then I ask you to stand beside me one year from tonight, outside the gates of Parliament, and together we shall give them a fifth of November that shall never, ever be forgot.

Vi Veri Veniversum Vivus Vici.

the corporate ministry era was a big joke

i was able to see a short youtube clip about a market researchers meeting and they were trying to think of ways how to "sell" SNSD to young girls in japan. if i remember correctly, they reviewed 6,000 songs (from all over the world, starting from 2008. i guess to determine not only what kind of music appeals to young japanese girls but to also see if there's an emerging trend in pop music) and try to come up with a way how to make the korean girl group appealing to young japanese girls. they're targeting this gender and age bracket because they dont have to worry about the males, whether young or old, because they will "come aboard anyway" (most guys are easily manipulated by pretty women. thats why i ended up buying my cellphone in a particular store, why i ended up choosing a particular pair of shoes, why i ended up getting caught swerving on the road, why i ended up missing a somewhat important appointment, why i ended up...having an aversion for pretty women).

i think their research on how to repackage the korean girl group to their japanese audience was successful because as opposed to the group's fans in korea (which i think are mostly middle aged male fans), their fans in japan are mostly young japanese girls. now this kind of research isnt something new or something very impressive. but seeing how successful this market research team was in doing their job and working with people who knows how to execute their plans based from the data they gathered makes me want to work with these kind of people (i wonder if their expertise is limited to the entertainment industry?). or at least see how they manage to do it. i find it remarkable how they were able to gather all the relevant data they need to target a particular gender and age bracket in a particular country and knowing how to use that data to get the results they want. in short, i want to know the process they have after seeing the effect of their research. the same way i want to know how Lee Sooman was able to create such an impressive creature such as SM Entertainment. of course there are "horror stories" about their kind of management but thats basically how a successful corporation works. fans forget that being a celebrity is work. well, that doesnt justify the management to treat their talents like slaves but there are contracts and lawsuits to regulate the relationship. i dont think it can be considered as forced labor. i think its simply forcing people to work hard and push them to their limits. intense pressure is required to produce diamonds.

i used to hate the corporate world. especially when i was still in my "marxist" phase (a college blockmate used to brand me a communist. and i expected him to know better that communism and marxism are two different animals. i never advocated the establishment of a communist state). now, i still dont like the corporate world but only to a certain extent. im still not comfortable working in a corporate environment. but if there's something that can persuade me to work in a corporate environment (well, its not as if a corporation would want me to work for them), its being able to work for a corporation that's a "moving force" in an influential industry and its operations is not limited to a particular country. or at least a corporation with a big potential to become one.

I think we may class the lawyer in the natural history of monsters. - john keats

last week, i was with my brother and my cousin at my cousin's friend's house. there my cousin commented that all three of us (me and my siblings) have "fine arts" running in our blood. but it was only me who didnt pursue it and took up law instead. she said this allowed both my siblings to pursue their fine arts related careers (my cousin's friend is a fine arts graduate/painter. i think. i just woke up then and was asked to tag along). it gave her the impression i took up my law studies against my will.

well, not really. i gave up on drawing as early as high school. i abandoned it completely the moment i decided not to continue my UP College of Fine Arts application. i decided to take up law when i was in 3rd year college. not because i thought lawyering was awesome but because i was interested in the field. its hard for us to like lawyering because we grew up being taught lawyering is about defending people and getting paid in kind (like eggs, live poultry, seafood, etc), not in cash (so if lawyering is as simple as that, it looks boring and not very rewarding). and if there is cash payment, i thought its not much because my lawyer relatives arent rich. if theyre rich, theyre not solely working as lawyers. they have businesses too. point is, we werent told that lawyering could be a lucrative profession. i only learned about it when i was in law school already. i see lawyers portrayed in movies and television but what i notice are their courtroom battles and not their wealth. the suits dont mean anything except being well dressed.

when i was already in law school, i rarely had doubts whether i wanted to be a laywer. when i decided to take up law back in college, i was determined to finish it. i may not have finished on time, but i did finish it. and in the years i was in law school, what confirmed that i wanted to be a lawyer was when i was in OLA. what i did in OLA confirmed what i wanted to do. lawyering is something i wanted to do and i find it enjoyable. so taking up law and finishing it is not against my will. i think i give off this impression probably because i want to do a lot of things and at the same time, im not passionate with my law studies. i guess im simply a person thats not very passionate with most things. this particular cousin have seen how happy i can be (something that rarely happens and only less than a handful of people have witnessed. seriously, less than a handful) and she never saw me to be like that with regard to my law studies. so its understandable to get that impression.

now, im working in a law office as a legal researcher, with a salary a little higher than the minimum wage. i keep telling other people that im still looking for other law offices to transfer to because i need to save some money. but im not really exerting much effort. im starting to think i really dont want to leave my current office. i may not be earning much but im getting good exposure with the variety of cases being handled. its a good place to learn. its a good place to practice. the only downside is the pay is not good. i think the reason im not eager to look for other law offices is because i still think lawyering isnt about making money (i should never think its about making money). this is my childhood concept of lawyering and im sort of living it. well, sort of and not completely since im not a lawyer yet but this is how ive always thought how lawyering is. to be asked to defend people without much monetary rewards. its not that im not into money making or something to that effect. its just that ive always thought that if im going to make money, its not through lawyering. thats why im trying to look for other ways to earn.

anyway, not sure if i can stay long in this current office since what this law office needs is a lawyer and not much of a legal researcher. and i cant work for free because i need to earn too.

detox just to retox

ive been putting off having a healthier lifestyle for years. its just so much effort and im the type who spends more effort trying to find ways in doing things with less effort but not necessarily short cuts (something like the "one time, big time" philosophy or the "great exertion for making the constitution"). and living a healthier lifestyle doesnt seem to have that kind of less effort. one needs to really do it consistently over a certain period of time.

anyway, its been a month since ive been contemplating to live a healthier lifestyle. so im starting to be more convinced that this isnt just a phase and that i might be really serious about it. as with most of my undertakings, i try to make sure its not going to be a waste of my effort. this reminds me of a "tristanism" where its better to put things off for tomorrow. life is unsure and death can come at night while one sleeps. due to this possibility and lingering uncertainty of waking up the day after, its better to do one's work for tomorrow if it can wait because it would be a waste of effort to finish it early and die during the night. imagine spending one's remaining moments working instead of relaxing. i honestly believed in this back in college. some would say its a crammer's excuse but it really makes sense. if i finish stuff early and i died before the deadline of the work, i wasted my time working because the work i finished wouldnt matter anymore when im dead. if i died with some unfinished work, i think its better because i think its a time well spent relaxing or spent enjoying the remaining moments of one's life (of course, like most things in life, one needs to strike a balance, the never ending "juggling act")

going back, im really starting to be very mindful of having a healthier lifestyle. i dont smoke (well, my last stick was earlier this year and it didnt bring back the habit. so up until today, i only smoked not more than 5 cigarette sticks this year), i substantially reduced my alcohol intake (in every instance of drinking session, i only consume not more than 3 bottles of beer. its sad but lately i developed a strong dislike for beer. it started last year), im currently cutting down my pork consumption, less carbonated drinks, more water, less fast food (im the type who eats fast food on a daily basis. right now, i would consider it a success to have eaten only three quarter pounders and twister fries last month), starting to eat veggies from time to time (i really dont like fish and veggies) and i dont sleep for more than 8 hours. im aiming for an average of seven hours of sleep which i partially accomplished. earlier last month, i was able to establish a nice sleeping pattern. i go to sleep by 12 midnight, wakeup around 7-730. unfortunately, i broke that pattern and started sleeping around 3:30 to 4:30 and i wake up at 8am. so now, my scalp and my left chin are filled with pimples and i cant stop falling asleep in the office by 10am. and im also consuming less coffee and more green tea. not sure if milk tea is good but i crave for it from time to time.

i really find living a healthier lifestyle boring and annoying. but for some strange reason, im strongly persuading myself to do it. this is usually a new year's resolution but i keep telling myself not to wait. a new year is a man-made fiction so there's really no point waiting for two more months. so this month, im aiming to focus on the healthy foods im going to take (because last month was more on avoiding the bad stuff) and the possibility of increased physical activity (something i really want to do but too lazy to do it because its really a lot of effort). but even with no physical activity, im amazed that i managed to stay agile and flexible, meaning my coordination is still very good and my stiffness is more apparent than real. an officemate said that i walk briskly, with a straight posture, like a PMA cadet (which made me think whether i should revert to my old flat top haircut. the white side wall is too much).

i dont know why i have this...urge (well, not really urge but something close to it) to live a healthier lifestyle. i dont like it but like some things i do, i do it because i feel compelled to do it.

rainy first day of november

its november already. i wonder how this month will turn out? october was quite nice. it was a "love" filled month. im not sure if it was the months of isolation and reviewing but october, or last month, was a month where people gave me a lot of "love". people just made me felt they were there and that they care, even if im always neither here nor there (just wanted to add another phrase that rhymes) for them. i guess what made me notice it more was the fact that i wasnt expecting any kind of such form of affection from others. my interaction with family and friends last month made me felt appreciated. or something to that effect. its not something i yearn because i usually prefer recognition than appreciation but its nice. its nice to be thought of as a good friend. 

ever since i became the silent type, i never saw myself as a "good" friend. even my high school friend and law school friend tell me this. they say i never care about anybody or anyone (another law school friend would counter that i just pretend not to care. my actions speak otherwise). i just mind my own business, not meddle with other people's affairs and do my own thing. i just attended a high school mini-reunion the other day and my friend said he's very sure that out of all the people in that gathering, im the one who is most clueless who the crap most of the people in that room are. he was right. i can recognize only 1/3 of my high school batchmates and out of that 1/3, i cant even remember the names of the others. he said its because i dont care about other people. i have a to "hell with everybody else" attitude. well, to a certain extent, that is true. if im not interested, i wont exert any effort to be interested. its a waste of energy. then why the hell did i attend the reunion? well, i was interested to attend (and its a saturday night. there are times when i hate to be at home on a saturday night). unfortunately, that doesnt mean im curious about what everybody was doing. in a way, i might be interested but i just dont want to exert that much effort. i think i was more curious than interested.

im also like that as a friend. people say im this nice person but i doubt anyone has ever described as that person who's always there in times of need of others. well, i have the reputation of being reliable. and i think a cousin and a few friends have described me as such person (i just realized how inaccurate my first statement was. as usual, i just think as i write). i guess im just good at being there at the right moments. its not that i go out of my way to help others. nor am i mindful of being there for others. ive always seen myself as that friend you shouldnt put your entire trust on. but some would counter that's just my weird way of caring for others. point is, i just dont see myself as a good friend. but now that i think about it (just now), maybe i am. maybe im stuck in my old view of myself, when i was this person that can quickly abandon people simply because i can. there are billions of people on this planet, and since i was a kid, ive always had this belief that i can be friends with anyone i want. so no friend is indispensable. of course i learned the hard way that its not entirely true but because of pride, i would rather let things be than make things right. a lot of things from my past haunt me.  

in an unrelated note, my habit of having a middle man to communicate with others resurfaced. i dont know where i picked up this habit. its sort of automatic for me to speak only with people i want to talk to or im used to talking to. just yesterday, a salesman tried to talk to me about their shoes and i didnt even look at him. i merely gestured that he talk to my brother. well, if it was a saleslady, that wouldnt have been the case. even if its my brother who would buy the shoes, im the one who's going to do the talking. and i also prefer if the salespeople not approach me when im buying something. i would like them to wait to be called. it disrupts my train of thought when im checking stuff out.

well, october was a nice month. i wouldnt want november to be the same. it will either bore me or i might abuse the "blessings" im getting. more likely the former.

its thursday already?

its been more than a month since the bar exams ended. and from the time it ended, ive went out with close friends, i got some temporary work where i attended a couple of hearings, did a handful of legal research work, joined a T-shirt making contest (where my design looked good on paper but when i drew it on the T-shirt, it looked like a grade school wall grafitti. my drawing style never evolved since i stopped drawing), trying to learn japanese (with a very slow progress. im just starting katakana after three weeks of hiragana. damn it! i should have taken my japanese class back in college seriously), finished two books (one law related book, another non-law related, about halfway done with a political science book and about to start another non-law related book), watched an "audrey hepburn movie" on a pirated DVD, lost a key (which is a big deal for me since i nicknamed myself as "the keymaster" back in high school because im always entrusted with the key/s to something. this is the first time i lost a key. but there have been instances where i got locked out because i forgot to bring my keys. thats different because i never really lost the keys, i just forgot it), gets a daily dose of SoShi, cutting down on pork and trying to drink sufficient amounts of water (because i can last a day with only half a glass of water and its not good for my health, especially given my height and size. i really need more fluids).

so October has been a productive month, with a good sense of direction. i managed to keep myself busy but not too busy. im starting to be mindful of my health because it seems there's a bigger chance that i will not die young. so if im going to go beyond the age i thought i would drop dead, i would like to be in good physical condition to still be able to eat meat (and other foods unhealthy people arent allowed to eat). and not have wrinkly skin too early (ever since college, i sometimes look at my palm and fingers, stare at it for a few minutes and think to myself how old my skin looks like). whenever i think of this, i remember my college blockmate who said to me that she thinks im a very vain person, that my scruffy look/"i dont care about my appearance" is either a front or actually my sense of style. well, i didnt admit it then but its really the latter. its a sense of style in a sense because i intentionally put an effort not to make an effort in the way i look. its time consuming and a waste energy. so if im going to go for an "i dont care about my appearance" look, might as well look good doing it (look good doing it means making sure i look i dont care). well, "staying in character" is something that comes naturally to me.

october will be over in a few days. i guess i wont be able to buy the Eheads greenwich promo. wasnt able to come up with enough money. well, i do have enough money but i dont have extra money to use it for the greenwich promo. im an eheads fan but there are some other more important things my money should buy. i guess i just dont want it enough. my sense of desire for most stuff is really weak. its either that or im just dont like putting much effort unless its extremely necessary.

fertile minds

i watched a cosplay competition in Landmark the other day. i went to the mall to buy some blank DVD-Rs (its time to back up some files and free up some hard disk space) and then i noticed someone in a cosplay...attire? cosplay costume sounds redundant. anyway, i decided to watch the competition out of curiosity. when the event started, i suddenly thought that i must have some secret desire to be an event organizer (something i sort of did when i was still working for an NGO and im not sure if i did well but i liked doing it). i wasnt satisfied with the preparations the event organizers have made. the coordination, the level of preparation and the flow of the event still have a lot of room for improvement. fortunately, they didnt encounter any of the usual contingencies like technical problems. thats something i learned to always prepare for. i think they should also adjust their program to cater to the mall audience. its not really a cosplay competition area so it would be really nice to adapt the program in such a way that the passing mallrats (like me) would be interested to watch (and not only enticed by the costume wearing participants). they did provide tidbits about cosplay but i still find it insufficient.  

they said cosplay is already in its 10th year in the Philippines (according to the hosts/MCs. although verifying it is only a google away, im not really in the mood to research on the history of cosplay). i wonder if it became popular here half a decade earlier, i might have been interested in it? well, i do find cosplay interesting but im not really interested in participating or costume making part. i find it interesting that the participants not only wear the costumes but also assume the characters they're portraying (and its also impressive to see their creativity and resourcefulness). its like some kind of performance art.

when i was a kid, i always pretend that im one of my favorite anime characters. but i didnt dress up. i just stayed in character. i think this is one possible source of my multiple personalities. i "absorb" characteristics and mannerisms i like from other people (they say a toddler thats good with immitating is a brilliant and intelligent person. i wonder up to what age that's applicable).

i assume cosplay originated from japan. i think the japanese really do like to dress up. SNSD held a concert there and they said one noteable difference from their korean fans is that the japanese fans who attended their concert also dressed up like them. im wondering if that would count as cosplay. i think it does. cosplay isnt limited to anime, manga, and video game characters. if im not mistaken, cosplay is any portrayal of any character by dressing up like that character and assuming its...well, character. in the cosplay competition i watched, someone portrayed Lebron James and that was acceptable. so the Beatles can be the subject of cosplay too. i guess there seems to be no limit in the character that can be portrayed. and i guess the primary distinction in cosplay from any other performance art or portrayal is that the person is a fan of the character being portrayed. i really dont know much about cosplay.

anyway, i think cosplay is something that can be a useful tool in promoting cultural identities. lately, it seems, my blog entries always end with stuff im wondering about but i really dont exert much effort to explore and substantiate. its like an idea suddenly pops as i write and after saying something i find interesting, i leave it there. im interested in doing some research about Asian consumerism but there's really no reason for doing so aside from im just curious. i just learned that there's such a thing as the Green Wall of China and would like to know if its really a useless project but again...

the internet's progress is powered by our impatience

i cant imagine living without the internet. well, actually i can. in case the internet disappears tomorrow (which is impossible! it has to be impossible), i will revert back to reading books and watching TV. the internet (well, broadband internet) is the reason why i dont watch TV as often as before. i think my average TV use is half an hour to one hour daily. there are weeks that i dont watch TV at all. the TV programs that i watch, i watch them in my laptop (im claiming my sister's laptop and hoping she wins a Mac so i wont have to buy her a replacement laptop).

what i cant imagine is using dial up internet connection again (well, i cant imagine not losing my mind if exposed to prolonged use of dial up internet connection). ever since i switched to broadband, i have completely forgotten about those dial-up days of long ago (long ago means half a decade ago). i dont even know how i managed to wait for minutes for a webpage to load. now, 15 seconds is too long for any typical webpage. if there's anything that pisses me off the most, its a slow and/or intermittent internet connection (i think this would rank number one from the things that pisses me off). there are times i had to pull one of my arnis sticks from the cabinet and just hit the wall so i wont accidentally vent out my anger towards the laptop. when i was still using our desktop PC, i always slap or hit the PC monitor when the internet connection pisses me off (thats why i was amused when the repairman asked whether the PC monitor has ever been dropped because based from his diagnosis, thats the cause why the PC monitor suddenly gave out). my siblings would just scold me and say its not the PC monitor's fault why the internet connection is bad. now i remember those dial-up days. im really not that patient when it comes to internet speed.

so i guess the internet is one of the things im happy man invented (that is why its my concept for the T-shirt making contest for Artwork, stuff that make me happy. unfortunately, my drawing style isnt really for Artwork and the theme isnt really my thing but i decided to join after my siblings insisted that i join the contest). but the main side effect of the internet is that the faster it becomes, the more impatient i become. right now, im not satisfied with BayanDSL's 1mpbs connection (i just have that need for speed, like when im drunk driving. well, not really drunk driving but driving after sobering up). and its intermittent too. its been months of troubleshooting on my part and BayanDSLs. i alway report it and they promptly fix it but the problem returns after a few days. the only good thing i can say about BayanDSL is they have good and efficient customer service (unlike Bayantel. i wonder if BayanDSL can take over Bayantel's operations?).

i wonder if 4G technology is the internet's next big thing (since mobile broadband and wifi connectivity is the next step it has taken).

i dream of the day when the entire country is wifi ready. or an entire urban city at least

afflicted with the monovirus coupled by soshi fever

im really impressed how their company manages them. a nine member korean girl group, still very much intact in their third year, most likely will reach their fourth year together (i think the spice girls by their third year were already experiencing some tension. the comparison cant be avoided. their ancestors of recent history must be acknowledged). i guess making them live together in a dorm right from the start really made them bond together very well.

despite openly admitting they get envious or jealous of other members who get more exposure or favorable attention, they still manage to support and promote each other. most of them also have their own individual activities if their schedule permits them (DJs, drama series actress, sitcom, show host/MC, reality programs, variety shows, commercials, etc. so in case they break up, they still have a place in the entertainment industry). they recently held concerts in the US, Japan, Taiwan and i think also in Singapore just this latter half of the year (some concerts were with record label mates, some were their very own concerts). the concerts were just this latter half of the year. earlier this year, they were promoting their new album. how can their management handle all these affairs so well in different countries? of course they have counterpart companies in those other countries but...i guess i havent seen the Asian music industry in this light before. weve been so exposed to the US music industry that i never really wondered how these companies operate in the international level (because having foreign US music seems normal to us when it shouldnt be the case). the music industry isnt simply about promoting music. the music industry also serves as some form of gateway for a foreign culture to introduce itself in foreign territories. 

anyway, right now, SNSD is promoting in Japan as rookie artists. they also have a dorm there because longer presence would be required to promote themselves properly. theyre doing good too. and at the same time, they are making a comeback in Korea. simultaneous activities in two countries? the group is fortunate to have a member that's fluent in Japanese (although all of them have learned to speak basic japanese). they also have two members who are Americans that are very fluent in English (well, unless they have changed their citizenship. basic political science dictates that a country that adheres to the jus soli principle makes any person born within its territory a citizen of such country). their variety is one of their biggest assets and their work ethic is really impressive too. i think the management got lucky to have acquired them. well, i will give some credit to the company in being able to select these nine from their pool of trainees. seeing some chemistry is one thing but making them have a strong relationship with each other is another. its not like they were childhood friends or college friends that had a dream to become this particular group like the stories of rock bands. well, they did meet each other as trainees at a young age but that's still a different set-up. every other trainee is either a potential ally or potential rival. i think the spice girls underwent a similar selection process but not as intensive and as thorough. again, i digress.

in order to promote themselves in japan, they had to learn japanese and translate their singles in japanese. they're not the first to do this of course. i remember back in grade school, a japanese song was translated in Tagalog. the japanese artist was Ted Ito. other than that, i cant think of any other instance when a foreign artist tried to adapt the song to our local language to promote himself or herself in our country. there's got to be someone else other than Ted Ito.

i think im the only one that's seeing this girl group in an intensely analytical manner. anyway, in a somewhat related note, i wonder if anyone has made a study on the Asian form of consumerism.

weight gain diet

i think i finally restored my normal appetite. this means im starting to eat a lot again. during the bar review, i eat only three times a day (the basic three meals) and in average or less than average quantities. maybe its weird but i really lose my appetite or forget to eat when im busy or when i have important stuff in my head. thats why i lost some weight recently.

now, i eat at least four times a day and i make sure i have at least one heavy meal each day (heavy meal means at least three servings of rice in one meal). but that doesnt mean im going to gain weight soon. it takes some time before i start gaining weight. maybe after three months. that is if im able to maintain my big appetite.

at work, my officemates are amazed with how much i can eat and not gain weight at all. most people would be envious (especially women) but its really frustrating because i easily lose weight and have difficulty gaining it back. it was only after college that i really started gaining weight. but then again, i would rather have this problem than the other way around.

brain squeezed

managed to get myself some temporary legal research work while looking for a much longer employment. this cold is really getting in the way. i get mentally tired too quickly. i cough a lot. i cant taste my food (which is something new to me). people say that a person cant taste food when the person has a cold. this doesnt apply to me before. i can still taste food well even if i have a cold. its only now that i really cant taste it. or maybe its because of my whack tongue.

anyway, managed to get myself employed a week after the bar exams. its temporary but still its employment. sometimes i think im pushing myself too much (or the world is just too relaxed). maybe this is the reason why i still have a terrible cold and despite taking some meds, there's no sign of improvement.

so the moment i get my paycheck, im going to get me some good food (buffet!!!) and go to a really nice spa. or i could postpone it to some later date. its better to save some money first. depleted my funds to the point that im almost broke. im already using my emergency fund. the five month bar review plus the bar month cost me P40,000-P45,000. and that's already living cheaply (by the time august came, i had days where my planned budget was not more P25 so i will have enough money for september). good thing that i lose my appetite or forget to eat when i have a lot of stuff in my mind.

now that im working again, im going to gain back the weight i lost and start conditioning myself for my new year's resolution...a healthier lifestyle (something that ive been putting off for a couple of years now). i need to check if posted my new year's resolution for this year and see if i accomplished it.

crap. just remembered greenwich pizza's eheads promo. why does good stuff like this happen when im already unemployed and almost broke?! well, at least i still have almost a month to get it. the pretty counter girl from greenwich said its still up to October 31. 



i havent eaten a domino's pizza for more or less a decade. and the only branch i know is already closed. well, it means greenwich then.

humans are scarier

i remember back in law school (wow, i can finally say this) i would walk the dark corridors alone at 10 pm or 11pm at the 3rd floor of malcolm hall. its almost pitch black since classes end at 9pm. i would go there to get some stuff inside my locker. what i dont get it is why i have such memories. there's supposed to be a gate at the 2nd floor that should be closed by that time preventing access to the 3rd floor. but i think there are exceptional days when some classes end up very late so that would explain how i managed to get to the 3rd floor. ive also experienced a couple of times walking alone at the academic oval around 1am. my cousin always asks me how i could do that because he finds it really scary to walk alone at such time inside UP. well, i simply dont see ghosts. and im not afraid of the dark. although there are times when i wake up in the middle of the night and see a white humanoid form sitting at the foot of my bed, i simply think of it as a nightmare since i always feel im half-awake during those moments. so its possible im still in a dream-like state. ive had some unexplainable experiences that are scary (like many years ago when i was about to fall asleep when suddenly some air like force pressed against my back and started hearing a man saying something in chinese. the voice was saying chinese sounding words and the sound of the voice was swirling around my head. it only lasted for a few seconds, more or less five seconds) but i dont let it get to me. thats why i can easily walk dark corridors alone even in such unholy hours.

i also remember back in college that i got addicted to sadako. i would just stare at the desktop wallpaper of sadako (the one where she is crawling out of the TV set with nails torn off her fingers) in the middle of the night and try to imagine her crawling out of the computer. aaah, my lovely sadako. she was my addiction before 50 first dates.

dont you know its gonna be all right

when i was still working in an NGO, i attended a lot of workshops with participants coming from different parts of the country. in one workshop about what reforms our country needs, there was this person who keeps on insisting that there is a need for a cultural revolution. im not sure if this was his exact words but its something to this effect: that we need to re-establish our cultural values. i agree that there is a need for such kind of revolution but how do we do it? weve been successfully colonized and our mentality as a nation probably irreversibly altered.

im not sure what Filipino culture is except its a mix of a lot of cultures, both western and asian. there's such a thing as Filipino food, the hospitality trait, the bayanihan spirit, etc but its not really fixed in a coherent whole. we have so many languages. we have separatist movements. we have an imperial manila mentality for those in the NCR. Pacquiao is the embodiment of Filipino pride. nationalism came to the forefront through Francis M and his three stars and a sun (and the collezione Philippine archipelago shirts). the way i see it, we have a concept of the form of our culture but it doesnt have substance. its like we're lost and desperate so we grab on to anything we can be proud of. we have a sense of nationalism but the ties that bind us as a nation arent really strong. our sense of identity is weak and were a nation prone to having an identity crisis.

i think fixing the cultural problem that will give us a much stronger and definite sense of identity and pride will make our political, social and economic problems much easier to solve.

pa...pine...pank...panku...panclarks! pancakes!

even if im still not feeling well, it didnt stop me from looking for work. so i woke up early to submit my resume again to another law office. and because i woke up early, i heard the discussion in a morning show that gave me something to react to. the topic was the literacy requirement for barangay officials. really? its still a debatable topic?

back in high school, i honestly thought that the literacy rate will constantly improve and we will reach 100% literacy within a decade. with technological developments, information is much more accessible and eventually less expensive. or less costly. point is, i thought back then that our country's literacy rate will quickly improve as time goes by because we can't possibly grow illiterate as years pass by. thats against the evolutionary nature of man. i guess im wrong. its not inherent in every individual to aspire to learn, or at least be literate. i mean, if one wants to run for public office, at least allot a portion of one's time and money to know the basics to be literate. good governance cant be solely based on good intentions alone. some basic intellectual competence is needed too. it doesnt have to be a college degree (or even a high school degree). the ability to read and write is sufficient. and running for public office is not a right, its a privilege as opposed to the right to vote. public office is not something that can be demanded as something one is entitled to.

some argue that leaders with good educational backgrounds have done nothing good and its better to have a leader with a pure heart and good intentions even if lacking the intellectual skills. thats missing the point. literacy is different from intellect. besides, not because leaders with good educational backgrounds are no good doesnt mean the solution is to favor illiterate or incompetent ones. i agree that there are instances where the heart matters much more than the mind but i dont think it applies in the field of governance. this doesnt mean that a country's leader must always be some kind of intellectual person. although the head of a state wields a lot power, governance does not emanate from one person alone. even in a dictatorship. there are always advisers, competent advisers, that are there that exercise considerable influence on how a country is governed. thats why i think governance is always an intellectual activity. and why literacy should be a minimum requirement for effective governance. i just saw some loopholes in my arguments but im too lazy to plug them. point is, the literacy requirement for public officers shouldnt be a debatable topic at this day and age.

things can get really boring sometimes

i make use of two ways of concealing the truth or hiding a secret. one is put it out in the open in a manner no one will notice it and the other is by hiding it behind another truth, the truth behind a truth.

with the former, just present it in an uninteresting form and mention it in passing that makes it appear to be a simple, insignificant comment (and also try to determine when the person is least attentive), couched in terms as if pulled from out of the blue. whenever i do this, no one really sees the meaning behind what i just stated (most dont remember and for some that remember, they dont really see its significance). and i do this because i really dont want to be burdened with secrets that arent worth holding on to. secrets, both my own and others, have accumulated over the years and i really need to choose which ones to keep.

as for hiding the truth behind another truth, this one can really get tricky. its simply making use of a truth to distract another person and not see the truth hidden behind such truth. i usually do this in written form since its easier to formulate it in such a manner but it can be done orally. the first truth must be convincing enough or satisfying enough that the person would not doubt it as to its completeness or truthfulness. the underlying truth will only manifest itself upon further inquiry (with the right set of questions). the purpose of the first truth therefore is to ensure that no further inquiries are made. also, this can only be done if there are two related truths, one confidential and the other not as confidential or not confidential at all. and if an information is really, really confidential, the second truth may be further hidden in a layer of half-truths. but the problem with half-truths (or half-lies) is that one has to take note of them so as not to produce inconsistencies. thats why its easier to just deal with a bunch of truths carefully crafted together than a handful of lies.

the reason i stated this is because ive been asked to put my trust in a person. i said i really dont trust anyone (not even myself. i know a lot of instances where i managed to pull a trick against myself. its insane but it happens). not that i dont find the person trustworthy since i know this person is one of the few persons i know who is willing to take a bullet for me (even if i havent been the person to do the same for that person). its just that there is such a creature known as negligence and that person can be prone to it. not until i learn that the person can conceal secrets other than by mere omission will i consider disclosing information to a person.

speak like a child

im very, very sick right now. i have a terrible cold with painful coughing fits (this coughing fit is different from the one i had during the bar exams, that coughing fit was stress related, like my rashes, and wasnt painful at all). whenever i catch a cold, its not really this bad. i rarely took any cold medicine (for any illness, i only take some form of medication as a last resort. if i can endure the pain or discomfort without taking any medication, i wont take any. and ive been said to have a high tolerance for pain. like my toothache a few months ago. i dont quickly resort to painkillers until i really cant stand it anymore). but for the past 2-3 years, it seems my colds are getting worse and its really bad right now that i cant avoid taking some cold medicine. and the cold medicine isnt helping!

this is why i dont like sharing a plate with someone. i think thats where i got the cold virus. i shared a plate with someone earlier this week. my mind was a bit tired from the last exam last week to be really alert for what appeared to be an insignificant instance of plate sharing. i should never break my established personal rules. i set them up for a reason and in case i forget the reason behind the rule, i should still just follow it.

anyway, i just found out that im still the type who easily gets excited especially when i find or get what i want (or receive a pleasant surprise). my face lights up or i clap with delight (or make that fist motion basketball players do when they sink a three pointer. just did that during the bar exams when i saw a question that involves a provision of law i studied right before i slept the night before. i just got too excited after reading the question that i wasnt able to contain myself. i dont think it bothered my seatmate because she just kept writing). i believe no one has ever seen me get excited over anything. i mean the type of excited where i really cant contain it. no one has seen me to be really happy except my cousin a few years back. since 1997 or 1998, ive always been a very reserved person and always try not to let my guard down when im in public. like my college friend said to me, i always keep my emotions in check. for some reason, ive conditioned myself to exhibit a lot of self-restraint when in public. public means outside the confines of my room.

damn this world, where it only appreciates pretty people

"when i look at you, it feels im reading a comic book"

the day after yesterday

i think im one of the few examinees who didnt "fully" rest the day after the last bar exam and started doing something similar to looking for work. i havent officially started looking for work but i did spend a portion of the day after thinking and planning on how to look for work.

i guess im a workaholic of sorts. its not that im addicted to work but im addicted to managing to keep myself busy. its not that i dont rest but i see myself as someone who never stops "moving." besides, i did go out with an old friend yesterday so i think that counts as a form of rest.

i think my mind was demanding rest during the last day of the exam. while answering the last subject for the bar exam, my left hand and my mind was so tired that i forgot how to spell "respectfully" for a few minutes. i wrote "restpectfully". i looked at the word for a few seconds and said "that word doesnt look right. it looks longer than the way it should." it took me a few more seconds to figure out that the letter "t" before "res" shouldnt be there. so i wondered, was it just a forgotten spelling or my mind is demanding me to rest already right after the exam.

anyway, i was told that im supposed to feel something the day after the bar exams, when some realization is supposed to sink in. i didnt feel it. i guess im too busy with stuff. or maybe because i rarely live in the present. earlier this day, i compiled all the bar review materials i used, arranged and organized them and stored them neatly in some part of my room (about 5-6 feet of reading materials). i also took out a few books (non-law books) im going to read while waiting to be employed again (sorry eyes if there wont be a break from reading, but at least this time, the youtube breaks would be longer). i was also able to update my resume and make a cover letter, had it printed and reproduced. so today was a very productive day.

"wow, she ran like Usain Bolt!" - Pudding;
"Pudding is melting" - Jelly
"5, 4, 3, 2, 1...Bungee!!!"

and now we wait

done with the bar exams. its a relief but not quite. there's still the mental torture of waiting for the results. its a period where one can't freely move because much as we want to move on, we can't because our future really depends on whether we pass the exam or not. if we pass, well and good. if not, there's the question of taking it immediately again or postpone it. if postpone to take the exams again for another year, what to do in the interim? its the time lost that makes this burden heavy.

when professors say that one must be prepared in mind, body and spirit for the exams, they werent kidding. during the first few weeks of the review classes, some got sick. i didnt because i already enrolled in a review program last year (although i have coughing fits, thats really because of stress. i went to the doctor to check if im sick, she said there's nothing remarkable about my lungs after seeing the xray. and thats a better assessment compared to when i was still in OLA. my coughing fits were much worse and painful). i got sick then, when i was reviewing in Arellano. so this year, i already have an idea on how to review. i already know my pace and my limits.

during the course of review and as the exam month gets nearer, with stressed minds and weakened physical state for some, the preparation becomes a test of spirit. doubt starts to meddle and muddle things up. come exam month, things just become more difficult. panic, if its hasnt manifested itself, starts to make its appearance. so its stress, doubt and panic. it wont go away for most examinees. thats why one of our professors said the bar exams is 50% confidence. if you have that, youre half-way prepared. the other 50% is the knowledge, whether stock or non-stock (wow, corporation law related humor of some sort), to back that confidence up. well, i had the 50% confidence so all i had to do was back that up. what i failed to consider is that with every bar sunday, that confidence depletes and i dont have a way to replenish it (this is why i think its better not to take the bar exams like a hermit, the way i did, unless one can be sure to stay mentally strong for the four sundays). the mental fatigue becomes an annoying stumbling block. the exam is now a test of mental endurance. youre tired, youre drained but you have to study for most of the week and squeeze your brain every sunday.  

and now, i will update my resume and try to make a cover letter. but before that...

woohoo!

just less than 24 hours of studying! just one more exam day!

give a guy a videocam...

and this is what he will shoot. he didnt even show what the girls were watching. well, if they were watching guys perform on stage, the guy shooting this vid made the right choice to use the space in his videocam's memory card to capture this instead. im assuming the one who shot this vid is a guy. or a lesbian. in any case, im not complaining.  

i thought this was some kind of kissing game.

so i wondered, how do you win?

can i go smell her first?

the season of exposed skin is over! gone are the sundresses! sundresses! i wanna see a pretty girl. dibs! - uncle barney

sixth season, 1st episode! woohooo!
hot and awesome robin scherbatsky! woohoo!
hot lesbian kiss! woohoo!

another tiring tuesday

just less than a week and the 2010 bar exams will be all over. lost 10 pounds in the process (process means from when the bar review started). by next week, i will be looking for employment...and doing errands and stuff that piled up since april (like my email). 

first episode of How I Met Your Mother today, sixth season. i havent discovered a new anime series im going to follow.

just a few more days. all i have to do is keep myself sane until then.



i know a former blockmate would love to see these:

what's the point of being smart?