lately ive been complaining about my weight. i keep telling people im not used to being this heavy. not that im starting to feel self-conscious but im starting to feel the lack of familiarity with my body. i think my feet are complaining and keep sending my brain signals that its not used to carrying so much weight.
i also feel im slower. im used to being quick and agile. now i feel like a bull in a china shop. and my sagittarian sense of athleticism cant accept im starting to slow down. sure im a lazy ass but its because i can afford to be physically lazy. i check from time to time whether im still agile and physically strong enough even without exercise and up until a few months ago, i was satisfied with the results. my stamina and endurance were never my strong points but im proud of my speed and agility. when i realized that im not fast enough and agile enough, that started bothering me (now, i cant do my slick dance moves). i felt my body is no longer in sync with what i want it to accomplish or expect it to accomplish. my sense of coordination isnt as good since im no longer familiar with my current weight. before, i can quickly change directions, even in mid-stride, and not fall off balance or get myself injured (if only i played basketball, i would certainly be an ankle breaker). now, i dont even bother avoiding hitting things. i just bump against it knowing my body can take it. and thats not really what i like to be. i dont want to be some hulk like figure. but i also dont want to lose the weight ive gained since i find it interesting to be this heavy too (its like steve rogers amazement after he stepped out of the super soldier thingamajig only in my case, the body ive acquired still needs training). so i decided to exercise a bit to train myself and familiarize myself with this new body. i want to restore, or at least gain satisfactory speed, agility and flexibility. i really have a thing for speed i guess.
this isnt the sole reason why i started to jog. sure the realization has been bothering me for weeks but its not really what made me start jogging or start training myself to become more familiar with my current body. there are other factors of course but this one is one of the main reasons. unfortunately for my brain, which has been nagging me months ago, health isnt one of them reasons that made me decide to exercise. i aint doing this to be heathier, although its something that comes along with it.
Thursday, November 24, 2011
so far so good.
i just bought me self a new pair of earphones (Philips SHQ4000). ive been checking it for over a year (when my brother saw i finally i bought it, he said it took me a year to buy it). not that its that expensive but...well it is expensive. the most expensive pair ive bought. but compared to the earphones i really wanted, it would be considered cheap.
the reason i bought it is because its sweat proof, claims to be waterproof and convenient to use when exercising. i also like the design (except the color). i prefer the in-ear, neckband design over earbuds with clips. after using it for almost a week, its really comfortable and lightweight. i like the way it fits on my ears. after prolonged use, i hardly notice im wearing it. i tried putting it under running tap water once and it still worked but im still not that convinced its water proof.
the reason it took me a year to buy it is because i wasnt sure if i can use it as incentive or motivation to exercise. now that ive decided to jog frequently (this remains to be seen), i thought its about time to get them earphones. also the price already dropped (since its been available for quite some time now. i think Philips recently released its next batch of sports earphones, ones with volume control). the price drop wasnt much but its still enough to save a few hundred pesos.
as for the sound quality, well, its Philips. its not as good (or as loud) as my ordinary earphones but for exercising purposes, and noise-cancelling ability, the sound quality isnt bad.
the reason i bought it is because its sweat proof, claims to be waterproof and convenient to use when exercising. i also like the design (except the color). i prefer the in-ear, neckband design over earbuds with clips. after using it for almost a week, its really comfortable and lightweight. i like the way it fits on my ears. after prolonged use, i hardly notice im wearing it. i tried putting it under running tap water once and it still worked but im still not that convinced its water proof.
the reason it took me a year to buy it is because i wasnt sure if i can use it as incentive or motivation to exercise. now that ive decided to jog frequently (this remains to be seen), i thought its about time to get them earphones. also the price already dropped (since its been available for quite some time now. i think Philips recently released its next batch of sports earphones, ones with volume control). the price drop wasnt much but its still enough to save a few hundred pesos.
as for the sound quality, well, its Philips. its not as good (or as loud) as my ordinary earphones but for exercising purposes, and noise-cancelling ability, the sound quality isnt bad.
a necessary evil device
got my alarm clock back! well, not that it was lost or anything but it just so happens to be sitting idly on top of a messy desk filled with dust for almost a decade without a battery. i dont know what took me so long to buy a new battery for it. it just needs a single double A battery but for some reason, i didnt buy it one. so it was just there, waiting patiently to be used again.
the thing i like with this alarm clock is that it can wake me up in seconds (unlike the cellphone alarm where there are times that i dont wake up at all because i fail to hear it). the weird thing about the cellphone alarm is that it can condition me to wake up seconds before it alarms. if i set it at 6am, i wake up for two to three consecutive days at 5:59am. so all i had to do is wait for the alarm to go off then hit the snooze or stop button, depending on my mood.
there's no snooze button in my high school alarm clock (yep, ive had it since high school and stopped using it during college simply because its battery ran out of juice. also, i really dont need an alarm clock during college) and i cant reset it as easily as a cellphone alarm since it cant be set accurately in minutes. if i can reset the cellphone alarm to sound off again in half an hour or fifteen minutes later, i can only reset the alarm clock one hour later. limited options makes the alarm clock somewhat better since i would be forced to just wake up because one hour later would be too late. but then again, given my dislike for waking up early in the morning, i just used my alarm clock as a supplement to my cellphone alarm (or the other way around). its the first one that will go off, followed by my cellphones minutes later. at least this time, the alarm clock guarantees to wake me up at a particular time.
the thing i like with this alarm clock is that it can wake me up in seconds (unlike the cellphone alarm where there are times that i dont wake up at all because i fail to hear it). the weird thing about the cellphone alarm is that it can condition me to wake up seconds before it alarms. if i set it at 6am, i wake up for two to three consecutive days at 5:59am. so all i had to do is wait for the alarm to go off then hit the snooze or stop button, depending on my mood.
there's no snooze button in my high school alarm clock (yep, ive had it since high school and stopped using it during college simply because its battery ran out of juice. also, i really dont need an alarm clock during college) and i cant reset it as easily as a cellphone alarm since it cant be set accurately in minutes. if i can reset the cellphone alarm to sound off again in half an hour or fifteen minutes later, i can only reset the alarm clock one hour later. limited options makes the alarm clock somewhat better since i would be forced to just wake up because one hour later would be too late. but then again, given my dislike for waking up early in the morning, i just used my alarm clock as a supplement to my cellphone alarm (or the other way around). its the first one that will go off, followed by my cellphones minutes later. at least this time, the alarm clock guarantees to wake me up at a particular time.
its like part of my body
got my laptop back! well, got it more than two weeks ago. after four years of using it (my sister used it by bringing it to her office in 2007, i used it from time to time in 2008 and then used it daily since 2009 until the time it broke on the third week of october of this year), its hinges broke due to wear and tear. actually one of its hinges already broke as early as 2009, while i was staying in a nice little studio apartment in the Taft Avenue area. so its been operating with one hinge since 2009 and it just broke down two years later.
im glad to be reunited with it. aside from the fact it contains a lot of files since 2009 (including my bar review materials and law office documents), it already became a part of my daily life. i remember when it broke down weeks ago, it disrupted my daily routine. it also affected my work since without it, i had to use the office computer and share it with our office secretary (our office only has one computer).
i was also forced to use the desktop PC at home. using it isnt bad since its got better specs and a larger flat screen. only problem is, the desktop PC's settings are not personalized, and i cant personalize it, to my preferences (since its like a public computer, primarily used by my sister). when i surf the net, i already have regular websites i go to in my laptop's browser and usually avoid going to new websites (my sister criticizes me that using the internet that way is boring. well, i would rather have a laptop that's virus free. i can try to find other ways of making life interesting by doing exciting things than risking going to a virus infected website).
im already used to this laptop that i dont even want to think of buying a replacement for it (although i started window shopping for a replacement when the repair shop told me that there are other problems aside from the hinges. they told me that after fixing the hinges, another problem arose. somehow the broken hinges affected other parts of the laptop, particularly the screen). not sure how long this laptop will last with its new hinges. so far its still working fine. but i think i need to start saving up for a replacement just in case it can no longer be revived the next time it breaks down.
i thinks i forgots how to writes during the times my laptop was aways.
im glad to be reunited with it. aside from the fact it contains a lot of files since 2009 (including my bar review materials and law office documents), it already became a part of my daily life. i remember when it broke down weeks ago, it disrupted my daily routine. it also affected my work since without it, i had to use the office computer and share it with our office secretary (our office only has one computer).
i was also forced to use the desktop PC at home. using it isnt bad since its got better specs and a larger flat screen. only problem is, the desktop PC's settings are not personalized, and i cant personalize it, to my preferences (since its like a public computer, primarily used by my sister). when i surf the net, i already have regular websites i go to in my laptop's browser and usually avoid going to new websites (my sister criticizes me that using the internet that way is boring. well, i would rather have a laptop that's virus free. i can try to find other ways of making life interesting by doing exciting things than risking going to a virus infected website).
im already used to this laptop that i dont even want to think of buying a replacement for it (although i started window shopping for a replacement when the repair shop told me that there are other problems aside from the hinges. they told me that after fixing the hinges, another problem arose. somehow the broken hinges affected other parts of the laptop, particularly the screen). not sure how long this laptop will last with its new hinges. so far its still working fine. but i think i need to start saving up for a replacement just in case it can no longer be revived the next time it breaks down.
i thinks i forgots how to writes during the times my laptop was aways.
Sunday, October 16, 2011
that cant be the answer to the question...even if its the same answer i got myself
source: http://fuckyeahhowimetyourmother.tumblr.com/
and why is facebook starting to look a lot like tumblr? why do people keep posting tumblr posts on facebook? i guess thats better than having the facebook people go to tumblr.
thank God for the rain!!!
despite the supposedly cold "-ber/brr months", i find the weather to be still too warm (except for the times when im not feeling well. in those cases, i can stay in my office room for an entire day with the AC turned off). i just took a nice cold shower, its raining, im in front of the fan and im still sweating like i just climbed a flight of stairs. at least im not panting.
the local weather bureau just said a few days ago that due to climate change, the warm season will be much warmer. crap. if were just starting with the cold season and im already feeling the heat, the summer season will be pure torture. things will be much worse in the next decade and im really not looking forward to it. kind of reminds me of Marshall Eriksen's environmentalist boss Garrison Cootes who initially gave up in saving the world and preparing himself for the inevitable doom. Cootes, and his employees, just try enjoy each remaining day they have on the planet for Cootes would rather do this instead of struggling to save the planet and probably wasting each day for what appears to be a lost cause. Marshall didnt agree with Cootes' way of dealing with the problem. Although its nice that their office tries to enjoy the simple pleasures of life, still, Cootes is being selfish for his way of dealing with the problem does not take into consideration the generations that will come after them. Marshall, who was expecting to have a child, told Cootes that he wont give up saving the planet, even if it means he will do it by himself, for the sake of his unborn son or daughter. This message managed to make Cootes change his philosophy and helped Marshall save the planet (and Marshall was shown doing a terrible job at saving the planet on his own, as an environmental lawyer).
when i was a kid, one of the things i wanted to be was to become some kind of environmentalist. i wanted to do my part in saving the planet. but as i grew up, i learned how inconvenient and how difficult it is. there are still a few things i do to contribute to the effort of not aggravating the environmental situation and one of them is to make sure i dont throw my trash anywhere. when im in the mall, i always look for the nearest rest room in case a trash bin isnt available because there's bound to be a trash bin inside the rest room. i try to save water too, like switching the shower off when i wont be using it even for just a few minutes. but my brother told me something that annoyingly makes sense. he said, we can save all the water we want but if a majority of the people still waste it, were just losing the water were saving to the irresponsible majority. not only did we not save water, irresponsible people get to use it. of course, even if it made sense, it doesnt mean i should stop trying.
as of now, i try to remind myself to do my part in saving the planet as an individual. im hoping that someday i would be taking part in a collective effort, and do something more concrete than what im doing. hopefully, when im ready, its not too late to do anything.
the local weather bureau just said a few days ago that due to climate change, the warm season will be much warmer. crap. if were just starting with the cold season and im already feeling the heat, the summer season will be pure torture. things will be much worse in the next decade and im really not looking forward to it. kind of reminds me of Marshall Eriksen's environmentalist boss Garrison Cootes who initially gave up in saving the world and preparing himself for the inevitable doom. Cootes, and his employees, just try enjoy each remaining day they have on the planet for Cootes would rather do this instead of struggling to save the planet and probably wasting each day for what appears to be a lost cause. Marshall didnt agree with Cootes' way of dealing with the problem. Although its nice that their office tries to enjoy the simple pleasures of life, still, Cootes is being selfish for his way of dealing with the problem does not take into consideration the generations that will come after them. Marshall, who was expecting to have a child, told Cootes that he wont give up saving the planet, even if it means he will do it by himself, for the sake of his unborn son or daughter. This message managed to make Cootes change his philosophy and helped Marshall save the planet (and Marshall was shown doing a terrible job at saving the planet on his own, as an environmental lawyer).
when i was a kid, one of the things i wanted to be was to become some kind of environmentalist. i wanted to do my part in saving the planet. but as i grew up, i learned how inconvenient and how difficult it is. there are still a few things i do to contribute to the effort of not aggravating the environmental situation and one of them is to make sure i dont throw my trash anywhere. when im in the mall, i always look for the nearest rest room in case a trash bin isnt available because there's bound to be a trash bin inside the rest room. i try to save water too, like switching the shower off when i wont be using it even for just a few minutes. but my brother told me something that annoyingly makes sense. he said, we can save all the water we want but if a majority of the people still waste it, were just losing the water were saving to the irresponsible majority. not only did we not save water, irresponsible people get to use it. of course, even if it made sense, it doesnt mean i should stop trying.
as of now, i try to remind myself to do my part in saving the planet as an individual. im hoping that someday i would be taking part in a collective effort, and do something more concrete than what im doing. hopefully, when im ready, its not too late to do anything.
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
i rarely leave the neutral zone
i think im the type of lawyer that clients find depressing. i only smile when i greet them and its not even a good smile since its not in my nature to smile.
when i review the client's case, i always try to look at the worst case scenario, thus optimism can only be seen outside my window on sunny days. when i tell them my opinion, i tell it as objectively as possible and make sure i dont give them the impression that would get their hopes up since some clients have the tendency to misunderstand or force what they want to believe i said. when the case has a good chance of winning, i tell it with a blank face with a cautious tone because some clients interpret a good chance of winning as 100% victory. if the case is something difficult to litigate, i tell them straight away. if there's no possibility of winning, i do the same thing and ask them to seek a second opinion and hope that the other lawyer would find something i didnt see. my facial expression always gives the impression of 50-50 with my tone of voice leaning on the negative half.
during hearings, i try not to talk to the client. i prefer observing the other scheduled hearings. after the hearing, i try to answer whatever questions the clients have, like clarifications on what transpired during the hearing. i try to deliver my answers in a neutral manner, not to reflect any kind of bias. of course i should be an advocate of my client's cause but i try not to internalize it that i might lose my objectivity in handling the case. having a clear view of the case is important for me to make sure i dont become close minded. as one law professor said, one shouldnt swallow everything a client gives. defend the client to the best of your abilities but that doesnt mean you can only do it by believing in everything a client says. thats why i always have reservations on what clients tell me. this is easy for me to do since im born a skeptic. whether they do it intentionally or not, clients will always be biased and i must see the picture from an objective point of view as much as possible in order to handle the case well. unfortunately for my clients, i can only do that by being objective all the time thus i show no sympathy or compassion whenever i talk to them even if their condition would be heartbreaking for some people. i just tell them what i think like an emotionless automaton.
there was one instance when i asked a client, who just lost her husband who died after being stabbed to death, about her case and started saying she's grieving and how bad it is to have lost her husband, i kept telling her to just focus on my questions and only provide relevant answers. i didnt say it rudely but i didnt show any concern that she's still grieving. i also kept hinting that she's planning to sue the wrong people and her perception of the case is clouded because she's pointing the blame on the wrong people. she keeps on narrating how tragic her case was and forcing her belief that such particular persons should be made responsible when after an objective review of the case, the persons she wants to sue arent really guilty at all. i really dont know how to tell it to her so i just kept saying my opinion objectively. i cant hide the fact that my only concern was to get an objective picture of her case. clients who try to appeal for sympathy and pity really irritates me because its difficult to get a good picture of their case or if i do get a clear picture, their minds are closed to whatever is not in accordance to what they believe or perceive.
when i review the client's case, i always try to look at the worst case scenario, thus optimism can only be seen outside my window on sunny days. when i tell them my opinion, i tell it as objectively as possible and make sure i dont give them the impression that would get their hopes up since some clients have the tendency to misunderstand or force what they want to believe i said. when the case has a good chance of winning, i tell it with a blank face with a cautious tone because some clients interpret a good chance of winning as 100% victory. if the case is something difficult to litigate, i tell them straight away. if there's no possibility of winning, i do the same thing and ask them to seek a second opinion and hope that the other lawyer would find something i didnt see. my facial expression always gives the impression of 50-50 with my tone of voice leaning on the negative half.
during hearings, i try not to talk to the client. i prefer observing the other scheduled hearings. after the hearing, i try to answer whatever questions the clients have, like clarifications on what transpired during the hearing. i try to deliver my answers in a neutral manner, not to reflect any kind of bias. of course i should be an advocate of my client's cause but i try not to internalize it that i might lose my objectivity in handling the case. having a clear view of the case is important for me to make sure i dont become close minded. as one law professor said, one shouldnt swallow everything a client gives. defend the client to the best of your abilities but that doesnt mean you can only do it by believing in everything a client says. thats why i always have reservations on what clients tell me. this is easy for me to do since im born a skeptic. whether they do it intentionally or not, clients will always be biased and i must see the picture from an objective point of view as much as possible in order to handle the case well. unfortunately for my clients, i can only do that by being objective all the time thus i show no sympathy or compassion whenever i talk to them even if their condition would be heartbreaking for some people. i just tell them what i think like an emotionless automaton.
there was one instance when i asked a client, who just lost her husband who died after being stabbed to death, about her case and started saying she's grieving and how bad it is to have lost her husband, i kept telling her to just focus on my questions and only provide relevant answers. i didnt say it rudely but i didnt show any concern that she's still grieving. i also kept hinting that she's planning to sue the wrong people and her perception of the case is clouded because she's pointing the blame on the wrong people. she keeps on narrating how tragic her case was and forcing her belief that such particular persons should be made responsible when after an objective review of the case, the persons she wants to sue arent really guilty at all. i really dont know how to tell it to her so i just kept saying my opinion objectively. i cant hide the fact that my only concern was to get an objective picture of her case. clients who try to appeal for sympathy and pity really irritates me because its difficult to get a good picture of their case or if i do get a clear picture, their minds are closed to whatever is not in accordance to what they believe or perceive.
the countdown begins
SNSD's album will be released on october 19 or one week from now. it was supposed to be released earlier this month but was delayed for weeks because of last minute change of plans. their company decided to have a simultaneous US release. with this news, it means they're finally testing the possibility of venturing into the US market.
whether they will be successful in the US remains a big unknown (i think). after their success in the japanese market (after conquering the korean market of course), the next place to go would be europe given that its been shown, through their company, that there are a lot of kpop non-asian fans in europe. so naturally, it appears the next frontier would be to promote in a european country. but for some reason, their company decided to check the possibility of extending their reach in the US market. they have proven themselves successful in dominating the asian region and have a great potential in doing the same in europe but they're taking a step further by seeing the possibility of taking on the US market.
obviously, hardcore fans would believe they will be successful. im not saying its impossible but the probability of succeeding depends on too many factors to give a good prediction of the outcome. i think their company will have to rely heavily on their US partner on how to make SNSD marketable in the US. the fact that the Wonder Girls didnt succeed already shows that being widely successful in one corner of the globe doesnt necessarily mean a good chance of penetrating the US market.
SNSD has two english speaking members because they were born in america and spent some time growing up in the US. but having two out of nine members who are fluent in english surely wont be enough. they do have a member who's good at studying and could probably rank third in english speaking if she's been studying well enough (i think the rest of the members have been studying english, maybe in preparation for a possible venture in the US market). in the case of their japanese promotions, only one member was fluent in japanese while the rest studied enough to speak a bit of conversational japanese. that was enough but in the case of japan, kpop was, and is, already popular there to begin with. so the language barrier isnt that burdensome in the promotion activities given there's already a healthy demand from the consumers even before they made their japanese debut album. in the US, with its "limited tolerance" for foreign culture, the language barrier will surely pose problems in promotion activities (unless their US partner manages to think of a way to remove this from the equation by coming up with an effective and creative promotion strategy).
but then again, SNSD's company's plans to venture in the US market is non-committal in a sense that it will only release a US edition of the SNSD album. other than that, there's no news of any other plans. reminds me of the Eraserhead's Aloha Milkyway album which had an Asian edition and released in the asian region, i think more specifically, south east asia. that didnt work and i think it became the start of the band's sharp decline. i remember criticizing the Eheads album as made for non-Filipinos and the band lost their essence in such album.
in a way, it seems the plan to limit the US activity to a simple album release is a good way to check whether there's a potential market in the US for SNSD at this point in time (i think thats also the reason that holding a SNSD concert in the philippines is very unlikely given that the album sales here isnt really that phenomenal or at least the reception of local fans reflects that the philippine market will not generate sufficient profit). but of course, spending money and effort to do this could mean that if things didnt turn out well, they will start brainstorming (for the album release opens the possibility of having a more reliable market research) on how to approach the US market since if things turn out well in europe and they sustain their momentum in asia, and given the possible limited period they have in promoting SNSD (i mean, popularity comes and goes and time is its biggest enemy. the same goes for the korean wave), they have to crack the code in succeeding in the US market before the opportunity to seize it expires. having an asian pop group with a potential to make an impact in the US isnt something thats easy to come by.
whether they will be successful in the US remains a big unknown (i think). after their success in the japanese market (after conquering the korean market of course), the next place to go would be europe given that its been shown, through their company, that there are a lot of kpop non-asian fans in europe. so naturally, it appears the next frontier would be to promote in a european country. but for some reason, their company decided to check the possibility of extending their reach in the US market. they have proven themselves successful in dominating the asian region and have a great potential in doing the same in europe but they're taking a step further by seeing the possibility of taking on the US market.
obviously, hardcore fans would believe they will be successful. im not saying its impossible but the probability of succeeding depends on too many factors to give a good prediction of the outcome. i think their company will have to rely heavily on their US partner on how to make SNSD marketable in the US. the fact that the Wonder Girls didnt succeed already shows that being widely successful in one corner of the globe doesnt necessarily mean a good chance of penetrating the US market.
SNSD has two english speaking members because they were born in america and spent some time growing up in the US. but having two out of nine members who are fluent in english surely wont be enough. they do have a member who's good at studying and could probably rank third in english speaking if she's been studying well enough (i think the rest of the members have been studying english, maybe in preparation for a possible venture in the US market). in the case of their japanese promotions, only one member was fluent in japanese while the rest studied enough to speak a bit of conversational japanese. that was enough but in the case of japan, kpop was, and is, already popular there to begin with. so the language barrier isnt that burdensome in the promotion activities given there's already a healthy demand from the consumers even before they made their japanese debut album. in the US, with its "limited tolerance" for foreign culture, the language barrier will surely pose problems in promotion activities (unless their US partner manages to think of a way to remove this from the equation by coming up with an effective and creative promotion strategy).
but then again, SNSD's company's plans to venture in the US market is non-committal in a sense that it will only release a US edition of the SNSD album. other than that, there's no news of any other plans. reminds me of the Eraserhead's Aloha Milkyway album which had an Asian edition and released in the asian region, i think more specifically, south east asia. that didnt work and i think it became the start of the band's sharp decline. i remember criticizing the Eheads album as made for non-Filipinos and the band lost their essence in such album.
in a way, it seems the plan to limit the US activity to a simple album release is a good way to check whether there's a potential market in the US for SNSD at this point in time (i think thats also the reason that holding a SNSD concert in the philippines is very unlikely given that the album sales here isnt really that phenomenal or at least the reception of local fans reflects that the philippine market will not generate sufficient profit). but of course, spending money and effort to do this could mean that if things didnt turn out well, they will start brainstorming (for the album release opens the possibility of having a more reliable market research) on how to approach the US market since if things turn out well in europe and they sustain their momentum in asia, and given the possible limited period they have in promoting SNSD (i mean, popularity comes and goes and time is its biggest enemy. the same goes for the korean wave), they have to crack the code in succeeding in the US market before the opportunity to seize it expires. having an asian pop group with a potential to make an impact in the US isnt something thats easy to come by.
Monday, October 10, 2011
draining the drained
its been one year since i got me self employed. and i remember last year, i had a really terrible cough during my first two weeks of employment. back then i thought that my body must have tried really hard not to get sick during the bar exams that when it was finally over, the cough came in full blast.
the reason i remembered my terrible cough last year, which was one year ago, is because im sick again at this same time this year. i started not feeling well a few hours ago in the office. when i got home, i checked my temperature and i have a low fever. normally, i dont realize i have a fever until someone touches me and tells me im hot (90% of the time, i have no fever. it just so happens im simply hot. yup, im hot. i dont even use a blanket even during the cold weather because my body heat is enough to warm me up). but this time, even with a low fever, i thought of checking my temperature because i wasnt really feeling well. i have a mild sore throat too since yesterday so it might mean im going to have a cold in the new few days. hopefully, its not the flu.
there's also the possibility that this fever is related to what the doctor told me a few weeks ago. he said if i start to have a low fever within one month from the time i consulted him, i must see him right away. if that is the case....it means i will have to keep a tight budget until next year. crap. i havent even started recovering the medical expenses from the previous months.
the reason i remembered my terrible cough last year, which was one year ago, is because im sick again at this same time this year. i started not feeling well a few hours ago in the office. when i got home, i checked my temperature and i have a low fever. normally, i dont realize i have a fever until someone touches me and tells me im hot (90% of the time, i have no fever. it just so happens im simply hot. yup, im hot. i dont even use a blanket even during the cold weather because my body heat is enough to warm me up). but this time, even with a low fever, i thought of checking my temperature because i wasnt really feeling well. i have a mild sore throat too since yesterday so it might mean im going to have a cold in the new few days. hopefully, its not the flu.
there's also the possibility that this fever is related to what the doctor told me a few weeks ago. he said if i start to have a low fever within one month from the time i consulted him, i must see him right away. if that is the case....it means i will have to keep a tight budget until next year. crap. i havent even started recovering the medical expenses from the previous months.
Wednesday, October 05, 2011
getting stranger by the minute
although i check my facebook account from time to time (got addicted to reblogging stuff on tumblr and i check the latest news on twitter), only now did i realize that i havent been really checking it for months (i stopped playing games on it by late April because of the PS3 and it started to get boring from there). usually, i just log in, check for messages or requests, then log out (like checking an email and looking for urgent stuff). when i logged in just a few minutes ago and checked my notifications, i noticed some kind of notification of a new message from a group account. i checked it and thats when i saw convos from weeks and months ago and how much of a stranger ive become. havent used YM for months too. maybe for more than a year already. i dont even remember when i stopped using YM. the last i remember was up to mid-2009. i always have my cellphone with me. within arms reach 24/7 but 95% of the time, it rings because of some work-related matter (just like a few hours ago).
even if im usually online, have a facebook account and other social networking stuff, im pretty much an island. wow. im still an island.
actually, i know that already but giving it some thought really makes the realization...real. i dont even know what im saying. but what im trying to say is...im an atom. im an atomized individual. im not even part of a molecule. im simply an atom. an atom inside a cubicle. im an atom inside a cubicle with a computer thats connected to the outside world but im not really connected to the outside world in a sense that im part of a molecule. im just an atom with a gizmo thats can connect me to the outside world but the outside world doesnt really connect to me thus ensuring that i stay as an atom and not a molecule. its being enabled to look at the outside from the inside but the outside aint looking in.
i need to get me some fresh air. and a social life. but first some fresh air. im not even sure if i can still have a social life since the world is starting to get strange. well, im becoming strange to the world. or im starting to become an awkward atom. i miss this kind of "somewhat nonsensical" stuff or "it makes sense but its really presented in a very weird manner" kind of stuff. and im not even drunk or taking drugs.
even if im usually online, have a facebook account and other social networking stuff, im pretty much an island. wow. im still an island.
actually, i know that already but giving it some thought really makes the realization...real. i dont even know what im saying. but what im trying to say is...im an atom. im an atomized individual. im not even part of a molecule. im simply an atom. an atom inside a cubicle. im an atom inside a cubicle with a computer thats connected to the outside world but im not really connected to the outside world in a sense that im part of a molecule. im just an atom with a gizmo thats can connect me to the outside world but the outside world doesnt really connect to me thus ensuring that i stay as an atom and not a molecule. its being enabled to look at the outside from the inside but the outside aint looking in.
i need to get me some fresh air. and a social life. but first some fresh air. im not even sure if i can still have a social life since the world is starting to get strange. well, im becoming strange to the world. or im starting to become an awkward atom. i miss this kind of "somewhat nonsensical" stuff or "it makes sense but its really presented in a very weird manner" kind of stuff. and im not even drunk or taking drugs.
Tuesday, October 04, 2011
my back is aching and im bored
just saw on a korean news on a korean channel that there's some anti-korean wave protests happening in japan. i guess the korean wave was able to penetrate too deep in japan that some japanese feel that this should be a serious concern. they think it has reached a level that makes it a threat to japanese culture and society. if im not mistaken (since im not really paying that much attention to the korean news. im not even sure if its actually some "real" news program), some japanese politicians are contemplating taking action against the korean wave (legislating some form of regulation probably).
well, since i saw it on a korean channel, there's a possibility (and good probability) that the news might be exaggerated a little bit. of course, there will be a bias in reporting the news item. there were footages of a rally, some clips of comments of some japanese personalities (maybe politicians) and the changes in some commercial districts which used to be filled with korean stuff (now replaced with japanese items of course). the tone of the report was also very serious. so it really gives off the impression that the news item is some serious concern for both countries. i mean, imagine local news channels here reporting about a mass protest about china's "hostile" attitude towards the philippines with regard to some territorial dispute and delivered by the reporter in a manner as if there is an impending inevitable war. the facts are given some sort of color and makes it look very serious when the situation, although serious, is really not that dark the way it was presented.
i wondered if such a thing will happen here in the philippines. will there be mass actions against the korean wave to protect our philippine culture and society from such foreign influence? i dont think so. our sense of nationalism or patriotism and sense of culture isnt really as...vibrant or as strong as koreans and japanese nationals (our sense of culture and patriotism should be greatly improved but the problem is how or where to begin). also, weve dealt with and "survived" fads before like the mexican telenovelas and japanese anime and it had its influences, might have left a deep impression to particular generations but i dont think its even something to be concerned about. plus, we have a colonial mentality to begin with. so there is still a need to build up our national pride. right now, or, the current state of things, we just adopt and adapt to the changing cultural and social environment. we integrate whatever foreign influence into our somewhat abstract culture we claim as our own. what our culture is exactly is hard to define since our nation is very culturally diverse. this abstract identity causes confusion but we manage to get by. for a poor country, i think were not doing that bad because despite how difficult things can get, we always push through. i think this is something we should take note of. we dont self-destruct despite what seems to be an endless barrage of negative stuff (the corruption, the calamities, some sort of crisis left and right). we keep on struggling to move forward and we keep doing it with a smile even if we admit we are a poor nation with a lot of problems.
anyway, the problem with or what makes the korean wave a concern is that korea is intentionally exporting it to promote korean culture. it raises other countries' awareness of their culture. its supposed to make korea (or south korea) and its culture look interesting. its essentially a marketable product that is successfully spreading globally. i dont think it has made such a deep impact yet in our country. it has made an impact, but somehow, i see it as a fad that will go away and were just waiting for the next "big" thing the local media will promote to us. the korean wave is bound to leave an impression but i dont think we will react the same way some japanese are reacting now. besides, if the same thing happens here, meaning, mass actions and possible regulation, it would run counter to a constitutionally granted liberty. its a form of censorship. and usually, what is censored makes the censored material a more sought item or object. its better to just let things be, it will pass or something new will crop up sooner or later. but then again, this is easy for us to do and this might not be a common attitude in japan.
well, since i saw it on a korean channel, there's a possibility (and good probability) that the news might be exaggerated a little bit. of course, there will be a bias in reporting the news item. there were footages of a rally, some clips of comments of some japanese personalities (maybe politicians) and the changes in some commercial districts which used to be filled with korean stuff (now replaced with japanese items of course). the tone of the report was also very serious. so it really gives off the impression that the news item is some serious concern for both countries. i mean, imagine local news channels here reporting about a mass protest about china's "hostile" attitude towards the philippines with regard to some territorial dispute and delivered by the reporter in a manner as if there is an impending inevitable war. the facts are given some sort of color and makes it look very serious when the situation, although serious, is really not that dark the way it was presented.
i wondered if such a thing will happen here in the philippines. will there be mass actions against the korean wave to protect our philippine culture and society from such foreign influence? i dont think so. our sense of nationalism or patriotism and sense of culture isnt really as...vibrant or as strong as koreans and japanese nationals (our sense of culture and patriotism should be greatly improved but the problem is how or where to begin). also, weve dealt with and "survived" fads before like the mexican telenovelas and japanese anime and it had its influences, might have left a deep impression to particular generations but i dont think its even something to be concerned about. plus, we have a colonial mentality to begin with. so there is still a need to build up our national pride. right now, or, the current state of things, we just adopt and adapt to the changing cultural and social environment. we integrate whatever foreign influence into our somewhat abstract culture we claim as our own. what our culture is exactly is hard to define since our nation is very culturally diverse. this abstract identity causes confusion but we manage to get by. for a poor country, i think were not doing that bad because despite how difficult things can get, we always push through. i think this is something we should take note of. we dont self-destruct despite what seems to be an endless barrage of negative stuff (the corruption, the calamities, some sort of crisis left and right). we keep on struggling to move forward and we keep doing it with a smile even if we admit we are a poor nation with a lot of problems.
anyway, the problem with or what makes the korean wave a concern is that korea is intentionally exporting it to promote korean culture. it raises other countries' awareness of their culture. its supposed to make korea (or south korea) and its culture look interesting. its essentially a marketable product that is successfully spreading globally. i dont think it has made such a deep impact yet in our country. it has made an impact, but somehow, i see it as a fad that will go away and were just waiting for the next "big" thing the local media will promote to us. the korean wave is bound to leave an impression but i dont think we will react the same way some japanese are reacting now. besides, if the same thing happens here, meaning, mass actions and possible regulation, it would run counter to a constitutionally granted liberty. its a form of censorship. and usually, what is censored makes the censored material a more sought item or object. its better to just let things be, it will pass or something new will crop up sooner or later. but then again, this is easy for us to do and this might not be a common attitude in japan.
Thursday, September 29, 2011
i want a vacation but maybe i dont want it bad enough
by this time last year, i was eager to get a job. ive been thinking about it as early as two weeks before the bar exams. i would have wanted to take a vacation because of the awfully draining months of reviewing but given my financial status then, i had to get a job. ever since i started working in 2009 (yep, i only started working in 2009, half a decade after graduating from college), i dont want to be financially dependent on my parents. my bank account was so depleted that i would be forced to use my medical emergency funds if i dont get a job in a week (i always make sure i have enough money for a not so expensive medical emergency). so right after the bar exams, i was already updating my resume. and by the middle of the week of the last week of september 2010, i was already submitting one of them resumes to a particular government office in makati (and i never got a call from such office).
after months of reviewing, i only got seven days of rest. on the eighth day after the bar exams, i started working in a nearby law office. i really wish i took a longer vacation. i wanted to just bum around. but given that i dont really have any money left, and bumming around isnt really free (im too old to be a freeloader. well, there is no age limit to be a freeloader but...i just dont feel like being one at the moment), i became determined to get a job as soon as possible.
when i started working, i honestly thought that i had a 50-50 chance of passing the bar (i was doing okay during the first two bar sundays but i started messing things up on the third and fourth bar sunday). its because of this that i convinced myself to start working. if i dont pass the bar exams, i will have to repeat the bar review process all over again. so i need to earn some money again in order to pay for the expenses for the second take (i used up all the money i saved when i worked for 10 months in an NGO. actually, i had to take a part time job during the bar review because the money i saved by working in the NGO wasnt enough to cover hotel expenses). so i started making computations, how much it will cost me, how much i need to save, etc. (for a person who claims to hate math, i do a lot of computations. well, i dont really hate the simple arithmetic stuff). so i was already making plans in the event i failed the bar exams. i was not only trying to recover financially but also trying to earn enough money for a worst case scenario.
fast forward one year later. i dont need to take the bar exams again. i used the money i saved to buy a laptop for my sister to replace the laptop i took from her (the one im currently using). but im not really better off financially compared to last year. im near to where i started a year ago --- almost bankrupt. only this time, i can last a month before im forced to use my medical emergency funds. why? medical expenses and medical procedures which arent really emergencies but serious enough that it cant be ignored and must be given attention as soon as possible. also bought a new desktop PC. there are also bills to pay, groceries, and other miscellaneous expenses which slows down my financial recovery from the stuff that depleted my funds recently.
i may be the type of person who doesnt really dream of becoming rich but im the type of person who becomes less stressed when im financially stable. thats why its a big deal for me to earn enough money so i can spend freely without much worries and feel some sense of security about the future. but i dont aim to earn more than i what i really need.
after months of reviewing, i only got seven days of rest. on the eighth day after the bar exams, i started working in a nearby law office. i really wish i took a longer vacation. i wanted to just bum around. but given that i dont really have any money left, and bumming around isnt really free (im too old to be a freeloader. well, there is no age limit to be a freeloader but...i just dont feel like being one at the moment), i became determined to get a job as soon as possible.
when i started working, i honestly thought that i had a 50-50 chance of passing the bar (i was doing okay during the first two bar sundays but i started messing things up on the third and fourth bar sunday). its because of this that i convinced myself to start working. if i dont pass the bar exams, i will have to repeat the bar review process all over again. so i need to earn some money again in order to pay for the expenses for the second take (i used up all the money i saved when i worked for 10 months in an NGO. actually, i had to take a part time job during the bar review because the money i saved by working in the NGO wasnt enough to cover hotel expenses). so i started making computations, how much it will cost me, how much i need to save, etc. (for a person who claims to hate math, i do a lot of computations. well, i dont really hate the simple arithmetic stuff). so i was already making plans in the event i failed the bar exams. i was not only trying to recover financially but also trying to earn enough money for a worst case scenario.
fast forward one year later. i dont need to take the bar exams again. i used the money i saved to buy a laptop for my sister to replace the laptop i took from her (the one im currently using). but im not really better off financially compared to last year. im near to where i started a year ago --- almost bankrupt. only this time, i can last a month before im forced to use my medical emergency funds. why? medical expenses and medical procedures which arent really emergencies but serious enough that it cant be ignored and must be given attention as soon as possible. also bought a new desktop PC. there are also bills to pay, groceries, and other miscellaneous expenses which slows down my financial recovery from the stuff that depleted my funds recently.
i may be the type of person who doesnt really dream of becoming rich but im the type of person who becomes less stressed when im financially stable. thats why its a big deal for me to earn enough money so i can spend freely without much worries and feel some sense of security about the future. but i dont aim to earn more than i what i really need.
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
absence of electricity contributes a lot to non-productivity
i woke up to a text message earlier today that informed me that government offices wont be open today. crap. i need to revise a pleading again. i need to adjust the dates i indicated in it (dates are really important for this pleading). it was supposed to be filed yesterday but since im too busy to personally take care of it (i had to attend a hearing that i requested to be scheduled in the morning but was scheduled in the afternoon), i suggested that it be filed today. so i edited it yesterday to make it ready for filing today. since the government office wont be open, it would be delayed for another day.
when i went to my law office earlier this morning (so i experienced the strong winds which rendered my umbrella useless) to work since there was no electricity at home, i found out there was no electricity there too. so i decided to just get the case file for tomorrow's hearing for another case and i will just have to go to work very early tomorrow to edit the pleading before i go to court (since the final version is saved inside the office computer and i need to finalize it quickly because i need to meet a client in the afternoon). the suspension today isnt really doing me any good. work just piles up.
at least i was able to test my bag. i stopped using my backpack last july when i brought it to The Travel Club to be repaired. ive been using it since 2003 so naturally, wear and tear has set in. its bottom part was already starting to have holes because the fabric was already thin due to constant usage. so i bought myself a new one. i wanted another jansport bag because ive tested its durability but the material used now by jansport isnt the same one as the jansport bag i own. i prefer the old material over the current one (all the salespersons ive talked to keep telling me that the new material is much more durable but still, im not convinced. besides, i really dont like its texture. i really like the old fabric). also, i need to switch to a bag which is good to use when i go to court (although a backpack is ok, its not really convenient to carry case files in it and i end up with a crumpled court attire. but in terms of comfort, a backpack is still the most comfortable and efficient to carry). after weeks of looking for a nice bag, i decided to get the Belkin Stride 360 Messenger (its not perfect but its the best i can find given my limited budget and the limited period i have. i dont have any other bag i can use once i send my jansport bag for repair). it can carry case files neatly (the fit is perfect) and i can securely place my laptop in it. i like where the compartments are placed and i can quickly get things from it efficiently. it also looks durable too. but what i havent tested is its claim that its water-resistant. sure it got wet before, when i used it while walking in the rain and the contents didnt get wet but those times involved just ordinary rain. and my umbrella was able to do its part in making sure i dont get wet with my bag. so the weather today was a good test to find out how much rain water it can withstand (since the usual contents of my bag are my laptop and case files, and both items shouldnt get wet). knowing how bad the weather is, i didnt bring my laptop but i brought a thin case file (which i placed in a plastic envelope just to make sure). so out i went to face the strong winds and the pouring rain. i had to stop using the umbrella from time to time because of the strong wind. naturally, i got wet from head to toe because of the erratic wind direction and the occasional strong downpour. my bag was dripping wet too when i reached the office. i then opened it to check if its inside portion got wet. holy shit. it resisted the rain water and it resisted it well. the inside portion was really dry. even if the wind was blowing in every direction and i had to stop using the umbrella, and i got really wet, and its not even the type of bag that's really sealed since its a messenger bag, it still managed to keep my things inside it dry. and it dries quickly too. after seeing how well my bag did today, its only now that i can say that im satisfied with my purchase. it may not be a good looking bag (thats why i said its not perfect because i really dont like the way it looks) but it really gets the job done. or it really serves its purpose very well.
i just looked at my bag and gave it a thumbs up.
when i went to my law office earlier this morning (so i experienced the strong winds which rendered my umbrella useless) to work since there was no electricity at home, i found out there was no electricity there too. so i decided to just get the case file for tomorrow's hearing for another case and i will just have to go to work very early tomorrow to edit the pleading before i go to court (since the final version is saved inside the office computer and i need to finalize it quickly because i need to meet a client in the afternoon). the suspension today isnt really doing me any good. work just piles up.
at least i was able to test my bag. i stopped using my backpack last july when i brought it to The Travel Club to be repaired. ive been using it since 2003 so naturally, wear and tear has set in. its bottom part was already starting to have holes because the fabric was already thin due to constant usage. so i bought myself a new one. i wanted another jansport bag because ive tested its durability but the material used now by jansport isnt the same one as the jansport bag i own. i prefer the old material over the current one (all the salespersons ive talked to keep telling me that the new material is much more durable but still, im not convinced. besides, i really dont like its texture. i really like the old fabric). also, i need to switch to a bag which is good to use when i go to court (although a backpack is ok, its not really convenient to carry case files in it and i end up with a crumpled court attire. but in terms of comfort, a backpack is still the most comfortable and efficient to carry). after weeks of looking for a nice bag, i decided to get the Belkin Stride 360 Messenger (its not perfect but its the best i can find given my limited budget and the limited period i have. i dont have any other bag i can use once i send my jansport bag for repair). it can carry case files neatly (the fit is perfect) and i can securely place my laptop in it. i like where the compartments are placed and i can quickly get things from it efficiently. it also looks durable too. but what i havent tested is its claim that its water-resistant. sure it got wet before, when i used it while walking in the rain and the contents didnt get wet but those times involved just ordinary rain. and my umbrella was able to do its part in making sure i dont get wet with my bag. so the weather today was a good test to find out how much rain water it can withstand (since the usual contents of my bag are my laptop and case files, and both items shouldnt get wet). knowing how bad the weather is, i didnt bring my laptop but i brought a thin case file (which i placed in a plastic envelope just to make sure). so out i went to face the strong winds and the pouring rain. i had to stop using the umbrella from time to time because of the strong wind. naturally, i got wet from head to toe because of the erratic wind direction and the occasional strong downpour. my bag was dripping wet too when i reached the office. i then opened it to check if its inside portion got wet. holy shit. it resisted the rain water and it resisted it well. the inside portion was really dry. even if the wind was blowing in every direction and i had to stop using the umbrella, and i got really wet, and its not even the type of bag that's really sealed since its a messenger bag, it still managed to keep my things inside it dry. and it dries quickly too. after seeing how well my bag did today, its only now that i can say that im satisfied with my purchase. it may not be a good looking bag (thats why i said its not perfect because i really dont like the way it looks) but it really gets the job done. or it really serves its purpose very well.
i just looked at my bag and gave it a thumbs up.
Monday, September 26, 2011
three hundred sixty five days ago?
by this time last year...i was probably sleeping already after using up my remaining strength for the last bar sunday.
usually, i finish the exam 30 minutes before the end of the allocated time (i spend the last 25-30 minutes reviewing my answers. if i can still edit it, i edit it. there's such a thing as "marking" so erasures must be avoided as much as possible). such wasnt the case for the last bar subject. it was the only time that the school bell rang and i wasnt even reviewing my answers yet. my left had was already in pain by the third bar sunday. i was already losing control over it by the fourth bar sunday. i had to take breaks while answering the last bar subject (which includes legal forms) because my left hand was no longer following instructions from my brain. my fingers and my pen strokes were starting to have a life of its own. thats why i took longer than usual. also, i was really exhausted mentally that i also spent time convincing myself not to give up during the exam. since i have the tendency to just drop things when ive had enough or when im really tired, i was starting to entertain the thought of just answering anything and just be finished with it. its really hard to squeeze one's brain when one no longer has the energy to squeeze. my eyes were also really tired too.
when i stepped out of the exam room that afternoon, even when im fully aware that im done with the exams, i just went on autopilot. i just want to use enough brainpower to get back to the hotel, claim my stuff, and go home. fortunately, my body reserved enough energy for me to have the strength to commute (i was almost bankrupt by that time so i cant really afford to ride a taxi). in all the bar sundays, except the first one, i always went home by riding the crowded MRT. sometimes i have to wait for half an hour for a train where i can fit since i have three bags with me, filled with reviewers, clothing and a laptop. thats why while lining up to buy the train ticket, i was thinking of blogging something about the MRT commute experience. there must be some better way to operate this mode of public transport (just finished the bar exams and i was already thinking of something which required a lot of brain cells)
it was also exactly one year ago when the bar exam blast happened. fortunately, i told my family not to wait for me outside the gates of la salle. i told them to just wait for me at trinoma. when i got there, we had dinner at the trinoma foodcourt and i ordered me self some korean food. then we went home, i unpacked my stuff and slept.
usually, i finish the exam 30 minutes before the end of the allocated time (i spend the last 25-30 minutes reviewing my answers. if i can still edit it, i edit it. there's such a thing as "marking" so erasures must be avoided as much as possible). such wasnt the case for the last bar subject. it was the only time that the school bell rang and i wasnt even reviewing my answers yet. my left had was already in pain by the third bar sunday. i was already losing control over it by the fourth bar sunday. i had to take breaks while answering the last bar subject (which includes legal forms) because my left hand was no longer following instructions from my brain. my fingers and my pen strokes were starting to have a life of its own. thats why i took longer than usual. also, i was really exhausted mentally that i also spent time convincing myself not to give up during the exam. since i have the tendency to just drop things when ive had enough or when im really tired, i was starting to entertain the thought of just answering anything and just be finished with it. its really hard to squeeze one's brain when one no longer has the energy to squeeze. my eyes were also really tired too.
when i stepped out of the exam room that afternoon, even when im fully aware that im done with the exams, i just went on autopilot. i just want to use enough brainpower to get back to the hotel, claim my stuff, and go home. fortunately, my body reserved enough energy for me to have the strength to commute (i was almost bankrupt by that time so i cant really afford to ride a taxi). in all the bar sundays, except the first one, i always went home by riding the crowded MRT. sometimes i have to wait for half an hour for a train where i can fit since i have three bags with me, filled with reviewers, clothing and a laptop. thats why while lining up to buy the train ticket, i was thinking of blogging something about the MRT commute experience. there must be some better way to operate this mode of public transport (just finished the bar exams and i was already thinking of something which required a lot of brain cells)
it was also exactly one year ago when the bar exam blast happened. fortunately, i told my family not to wait for me outside the gates of la salle. i told them to just wait for me at trinoma. when i got there, we had dinner at the trinoma foodcourt and i ordered me self some korean food. then we went home, i unpacked my stuff and slept.
Sunday, September 25, 2011
it will end in less than 24 hours
by this time last year, i was already drained. my confidence was further depleted by the third sunday subjects (i focused too much on a particular subject under commercial law and i relied on the wrong reviewer for criminal law). to make things worse, i really dont have a thing for remedial law. i dropped civil procedure during law school, which eventually led to my one year delay in finishing my law studies. as for ethics and legal forms, its difficult to prepare for it because it seems so simple.
during the latter half of the bar exams, there were less visitors during saturdays. so im really close to losing it and just dropping everything (because the isolation, surprisingly, was driving me nuts). good thing there's a part of me that never quits (which only contradicts me on crucial moments). usually, i just give up and do something else because its bothersome to persevere. so my non-quitter self isnt something i can summon. it just pops up when it thinks it has to or when it feels like it. fortunately, it thought the bar exams isnt something worth giving up. so i just kept telling myself then that i managed to finish three bar sundays, one more bar sunday couldnt be that bad (although the effort that's needed for it was really something ive never experienced before). the thing is, at this point, with not much confidence left, and being drained emotionally, physically and mentally, it really becomes difficult to keep moving forward. the whole ordeal was immensely tiring. and im someone who really has a very low stamina. speed is my field of expertise, not endurance. i try to finish things quickly because i cant stand prolonged physical and mental effort (in addition to getting tired, i get bored). thats why i had to keep telling myself that its just one more sunday. my body really wanted to give up already and just rest. thankfully, that small part of me managed to convince me to get up the following sunday and finish the bar exams.
during the latter half of the bar exams, there were less visitors during saturdays. so im really close to losing it and just dropping everything (because the isolation, surprisingly, was driving me nuts). good thing there's a part of me that never quits (which only contradicts me on crucial moments). usually, i just give up and do something else because its bothersome to persevere. so my non-quitter self isnt something i can summon. it just pops up when it thinks it has to or when it feels like it. fortunately, it thought the bar exams isnt something worth giving up. so i just kept telling myself then that i managed to finish three bar sundays, one more bar sunday couldnt be that bad (although the effort that's needed for it was really something ive never experienced before). the thing is, at this point, with not much confidence left, and being drained emotionally, physically and mentally, it really becomes difficult to keep moving forward. the whole ordeal was immensely tiring. and im someone who really has a very low stamina. speed is my field of expertise, not endurance. i try to finish things quickly because i cant stand prolonged physical and mental effort (in addition to getting tired, i get bored). thats why i had to keep telling myself that its just one more sunday. my body really wanted to give up already and just rest. thankfully, that small part of me managed to convince me to get up the following sunday and finish the bar exams.
Thursday, September 22, 2011
i got married on september 24
well, if im going to believe my dream a while ago. and i got married in Cambodia to some non-cambodian asian hottie (someone who looked like NS Yoon Ji with less korean features. or like bianca gonzalez, only more chinita). ha! in my dreams! and that is what literally happened.
even im a person who's not going to get married, im not surprised to have such a dream since i watched HIMYM last night and that infuenced my dream earlier this morning. and as usual (meaning this isnt the first time i dreamt of getting married), i got married because of some sort of deal. business related deal or something to that effect. whenever i get married in my dreams, there's some level of professionality, and convincing people that the marriage is grounded on the common notion that its based on some emotional relationship when its really meant to attain something perfectly rational, where getting married is the only effective means to an end. its like having a "lets pull this one off and get it over with" kind of thing.
for a person who doesnt really care about getting married, i do attend a lot of weddings. i just attended one earlier this month. i rarely miss weddings. the only weddings i miss are the ones where im not really close to the one getting married.
i dont know why i frequently attend weddings. maybe i recognize the fact that its supposed to be a once in a lifetime thing, like death (since we dont have divorce here). so im more likely to attend it compared to a birthday party which is a yearly thing. now that i think about it, i dont really enjoy attending it but i attend weddings anyway because i see its significance. i guess. and i dont see myself getting married, not only because its very unlikely but also because i really dont see myself in such a situation when i try to think about it now. i simply cannot imagine it. i dont feel i want to get married either (although i think i could get married for a very good reason). i seriously see a marriage as a lifetime contract and putting "lifetime" and "contract" together doesnt really look enticing. but since i view it as a contract, if the terms and conditions are good, then the contract may be worth giving some thought.
even im a person who's not going to get married, im not surprised to have such a dream since i watched HIMYM last night and that infuenced my dream earlier this morning. and as usual (meaning this isnt the first time i dreamt of getting married), i got married because of some sort of deal. business related deal or something to that effect. whenever i get married in my dreams, there's some level of professionality, and convincing people that the marriage is grounded on the common notion that its based on some emotional relationship when its really meant to attain something perfectly rational, where getting married is the only effective means to an end. its like having a "lets pull this one off and get it over with" kind of thing.
for a person who doesnt really care about getting married, i do attend a lot of weddings. i just attended one earlier this month. i rarely miss weddings. the only weddings i miss are the ones where im not really close to the one getting married.
i dont know why i frequently attend weddings. maybe i recognize the fact that its supposed to be a once in a lifetime thing, like death (since we dont have divorce here). so im more likely to attend it compared to a birthday party which is a yearly thing. now that i think about it, i dont really enjoy attending it but i attend weddings anyway because i see its significance. i guess. and i dont see myself getting married, not only because its very unlikely but also because i really dont see myself in such a situation when i try to think about it now. i simply cannot imagine it. i dont feel i want to get married either (although i think i could get married for a very good reason). i seriously see a marriage as a lifetime contract and putting "lifetime" and "contract" together doesnt really look enticing. but since i view it as a contract, if the terms and conditions are good, then the contract may be worth giving some thought.
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
do i look like a crystal?
i attended a hearing yesterday and since it was my first time to attend the case, i introduced myself. most of the time, people would say "christian" (for some reason, only the Taco Bell cashiers get it right the first time when they ask for my name). but yesterday, the judge thought it was "crystal". so when he was already reciting the order in open court, i corrected him about my name. seriously, do i look like a "crystal"?
its not the first time someone heard my name as "crystal". back in college, i called a college friend at her home and her mother thought the caller was someone named "crystal". so when her mother told my college friend that some person named "crystal" was calling, she was absolutely clueless who it was. when she realized it was me, she said she wanted to say to her mother that if she only knew who the caller was, the name "crystal" wouldnt even cross her mind.
the other person who made the "crystal" mistake was me. back in law school, some professors use our first name when calling us to recite in class. i had a blockmate with such name and when i was being called, i thought our professor was calling her. thats why i wasnt responding. the professor thought i was just playing dumb to avoid the recitation (since i already did some stupid stunts in the same class to avoid recitation. one was saying im going to pass when its not even allowed. my seatmate noticed that i read the case but i still refused to recite it. she asked why didnt i just recite the case when based from my readings, i studied it. i just said im not in the mood to recite. she just looked at me with a concerned look on her face. the other stupid stunt was by stepping out of the classroom because i know the order of people who were about to recite and i was next. the professor even had to check i wasnt just roaming around outside and waiting for the class to end. while i was out, he asked my classmate who just went out after me if he saw me in the restroom. he said yes. actually, we didnt see each other because i wasnt in the restroom, i went to the nearby store to buy some food because i was bored in class and i wanted to avoid recitation. good thing i said i was at the restroom when the professor asked where ive been. it was risky for my classmate to cover for me but fortunately, we had the same answer. of course, the professor still didnt believe us because i took too long to come back).
its not the first time someone heard my name as "crystal". back in college, i called a college friend at her home and her mother thought the caller was someone named "crystal". so when her mother told my college friend that some person named "crystal" was calling, she was absolutely clueless who it was. when she realized it was me, she said she wanted to say to her mother that if she only knew who the caller was, the name "crystal" wouldnt even cross her mind.
the other person who made the "crystal" mistake was me. back in law school, some professors use our first name when calling us to recite in class. i had a blockmate with such name and when i was being called, i thought our professor was calling her. thats why i wasnt responding. the professor thought i was just playing dumb to avoid the recitation (since i already did some stupid stunts in the same class to avoid recitation. one was saying im going to pass when its not even allowed. my seatmate noticed that i read the case but i still refused to recite it. she asked why didnt i just recite the case when based from my readings, i studied it. i just said im not in the mood to recite. she just looked at me with a concerned look on her face. the other stupid stunt was by stepping out of the classroom because i know the order of people who were about to recite and i was next. the professor even had to check i wasnt just roaming around outside and waiting for the class to end. while i was out, he asked my classmate who just went out after me if he saw me in the restroom. he said yes. actually, we didnt see each other because i wasnt in the restroom, i went to the nearby store to buy some food because i was bored in class and i wanted to avoid recitation. good thing i said i was at the restroom when the professor asked where ive been. it was risky for my classmate to cover for me but fortunately, we had the same answer. of course, the professor still didnt believe us because i took too long to come back).
Monday, September 19, 2011
give me sight beyond sight
while i was walking home from work this afternoon, i noticed how good my peripheral vision was. not that its the first time i noticed it but im glad to realize that its still good.
more than a half a decade ago, a friend asked whether i had eyes at the back of my head. we were in a covered court and i was texting. my friend was standing in front of me watching the basketball game behind me. then without lifting my head, while continuing texting, i tilted my head to the right to avoid the basketball coming from behind that could have grazed my left ear if i didnt move my head slightly. he was puzzled how i knew that there was a ball coming at me from behind when i was busy texting. i replied it was because of his facial expression and hand gestures. since he was standing right in front of me, he was in my peripheral vision while i was texting. i noticed that he was looking upward, slightly to my left side and his arms were preparing to catch something. given the direction of his line of sight and the way he was stretching my arms, my brain, through my peripheral vision, managed to calculate where the ball will be coming from. instinctively, i tilted my head. of course, luck was also a factor since i have no idea how fast the ball was so if i didnt tilt my head fast enough, it would have hit me. all my peripheral vision and my brain could do is calculate the trajectory. also, since i dont like moving a lot, or wasting unnecessary energy (as one college friend said, im an energy saving device where all my movements are calculated, trying not to waste any energy), instead of moving to the right, i just tilted my head thinking that if my calculations are correct, that would suffice to avoid the ball. and i did all this without giving it much thought since i was focused on texting. ive developed an instinct to be mindful of my surroundings through my peripheral vision.
i think this also explains why when another friend tried to grab my arnis sticks from behind, he was surprised that he wasnt able to snatch it despite stealthily sneaking behind me. my hands automatically tightened its grip when it felt someone was trying to suddenly grab my arnis sticks. i was really alert then. or my reflexes were really good. now, i think its time to do something to improve it (i realized with the weight i gained, my physical body naturally became slower and its having difficulties keeping up with my brain signals. ever since i was a kid, i relied on speed, flexibility and agility. and since i dont exercise, even with the added weight, it does not automatically convert itself to strength. at least my sense of coordination is still good but my brain is starting to notice that my body feels different with its new weight). back in august 2009 and january 2010, i fell victim to pickpockets. that should have served as a wake up call that im not as mindful of my surroundings anymore. i just shrugged it off as misfortune.
well, at least my peripheral vision is still good. i still notice the slightest movements at the corner of my eye. i can easily see a mouse at my outermost corner of my eye even when im watching TV programs with subtitles. and im still good at sensing vehicles behind me by observing the facial expressions of persons and movements of other vehicles in front of me without being mindful of it.
more than a half a decade ago, a friend asked whether i had eyes at the back of my head. we were in a covered court and i was texting. my friend was standing in front of me watching the basketball game behind me. then without lifting my head, while continuing texting, i tilted my head to the right to avoid the basketball coming from behind that could have grazed my left ear if i didnt move my head slightly. he was puzzled how i knew that there was a ball coming at me from behind when i was busy texting. i replied it was because of his facial expression and hand gestures. since he was standing right in front of me, he was in my peripheral vision while i was texting. i noticed that he was looking upward, slightly to my left side and his arms were preparing to catch something. given the direction of his line of sight and the way he was stretching my arms, my brain, through my peripheral vision, managed to calculate where the ball will be coming from. instinctively, i tilted my head. of course, luck was also a factor since i have no idea how fast the ball was so if i didnt tilt my head fast enough, it would have hit me. all my peripheral vision and my brain could do is calculate the trajectory. also, since i dont like moving a lot, or wasting unnecessary energy (as one college friend said, im an energy saving device where all my movements are calculated, trying not to waste any energy), instead of moving to the right, i just tilted my head thinking that if my calculations are correct, that would suffice to avoid the ball. and i did all this without giving it much thought since i was focused on texting. ive developed an instinct to be mindful of my surroundings through my peripheral vision.
i think this also explains why when another friend tried to grab my arnis sticks from behind, he was surprised that he wasnt able to snatch it despite stealthily sneaking behind me. my hands automatically tightened its grip when it felt someone was trying to suddenly grab my arnis sticks. i was really alert then. or my reflexes were really good. now, i think its time to do something to improve it (i realized with the weight i gained, my physical body naturally became slower and its having difficulties keeping up with my brain signals. ever since i was a kid, i relied on speed, flexibility and agility. and since i dont exercise, even with the added weight, it does not automatically convert itself to strength. at least my sense of coordination is still good but my brain is starting to notice that my body feels different with its new weight). back in august 2009 and january 2010, i fell victim to pickpockets. that should have served as a wake up call that im not as mindful of my surroundings anymore. i just shrugged it off as misfortune.
well, at least my peripheral vision is still good. i still notice the slightest movements at the corner of my eye. i can easily see a mouse at my outermost corner of my eye even when im watching TV programs with subtitles. and im still good at sensing vehicles behind me by observing the facial expressions of persons and movements of other vehicles in front of me without being mindful of it.
Sunday, September 18, 2011
i was halfway through
by this time last year, i was preparing for the third installment of the bar exams. commercial law and criminal law. like the first bar sunday, i had to borrow a codal from a friend. i managed to finish law school (and the bar review), without having a corporation law codal. i just used a soft copy of it i found in the internet. since gadgets like cellphones and laptops arent allowed in the examination room, i had to borrow a codal which i can use for last minute reviewing inside the room.
i remember two mistakes i made during the third review week. one, i focused too much on corporation law when there are other law subjects that fall under commercial law (like intellectual property law, insolvency law, insurance law, negotiable instruments, banking law, agency and partnership, etc.). a friend asked me the week before which week i was worried about and i said its the 2nd week because of taxation law. he then asked, shouldnt it be third week? only then that i realized what he meant. since commercial law isnt as "coherent" like the other fields, composed of bits and pieces of legislation here and there, it can get a bit difficult to review it, especially with very limited time. at least taxation law is much more..."solid" as a field of law. commercial law has a wide range of subjects similar to civil law but its concepts can be more difficult to grasp. anyway, i focused too much on corporation law because i thought the bulk of the questions would be under this subject. i was wrong. the questions were almost equally divided in the different subjects under it, trying to give equal importance to each subject. fortunately, i took some of these subjects as electives (like banking law and intellectual property law). fortunately again, i had some stocked knowledge from these elective subjects.
my second mistake is my choice of reviewer. only after the third bar sunday did i learn that one law school intentionally releases pre-week reviewers with mistakes on it. i have relied on it for the first three sundays. and i have noticed some of the mistakes but i thought they were just honest mistakes. only when a fellow bar examinee told me that such school has a reputation of releasing reviewers with mistakes in it, to mislead the other examinees like me, did i learn about it. crap. thats why i got the last question for criminal law wrong. well, not entirely wrong but i would say i can only get partial points for it because of the wrong term i used.
i remember two mistakes i made during the third review week. one, i focused too much on corporation law when there are other law subjects that fall under commercial law (like intellectual property law, insolvency law, insurance law, negotiable instruments, banking law, agency and partnership, etc.). a friend asked me the week before which week i was worried about and i said its the 2nd week because of taxation law. he then asked, shouldnt it be third week? only then that i realized what he meant. since commercial law isnt as "coherent" like the other fields, composed of bits and pieces of legislation here and there, it can get a bit difficult to review it, especially with very limited time. at least taxation law is much more..."solid" as a field of law. commercial law has a wide range of subjects similar to civil law but its concepts can be more difficult to grasp. anyway, i focused too much on corporation law because i thought the bulk of the questions would be under this subject. i was wrong. the questions were almost equally divided in the different subjects under it, trying to give equal importance to each subject. fortunately, i took some of these subjects as electives (like banking law and intellectual property law). fortunately again, i had some stocked knowledge from these elective subjects.
my second mistake is my choice of reviewer. only after the third bar sunday did i learn that one law school intentionally releases pre-week reviewers with mistakes on it. i have relied on it for the first three sundays. and i have noticed some of the mistakes but i thought they were just honest mistakes. only when a fellow bar examinee told me that such school has a reputation of releasing reviewers with mistakes in it, to mislead the other examinees like me, did i learn about it. crap. thats why i got the last question for criminal law wrong. well, not entirely wrong but i would say i can only get partial points for it because of the wrong term i used.
Friday, September 16, 2011
i feel like a sloth
"today i just dont feel like doing anything. i just want to lay in my bed."
woke up today with a boulder of laziness on my shoulder (or a cloak of laziness...or a cloud of laziness over my head...whatever, im too lazy to really think of something better...point is im feeling extremely lazy). i had to ask myself whether its already saturday. i answered its only friday and i need to get up to go to the office (i like my morning conversations with myself. there was a time i felt like i was in some negotiation table, arguing against myself how much longer i should sleep before i get up to go to work. can i afford 5 minutes? can i extend it to 10? will be 15 minutes be too much or could i still manage to have enough time? of course the other side was arguing that i need to get at that moment. then i start editing my pleading in my head while in a half-asleep mode so by the time im going to edit it in my office, i already have the revisions ready to save time and make up for the extended sleep i took. yep. there are times im already "half-working" while half-conscious because my mind is much clearer during this period)
anyway, it took me an hour before i managed to leave my bed and go to the living room. since i was feeling extremely lazy, i just sat in front of the TV, waiting for the drowsiness to wear off, which was trying to pull me back to my bed. another hour passed before i finished getting dressed to go to work. it took me five minutes just to wear my shoes because i really didnt want to put them on. i just want to lie down again in my bed.
now, im sitting in my office, with an MS word file containing a pleading im supposed to be finalizing. and im just too drowsy to work. i want to go to back to sleep. normally, i would get some nice cup of coffee but the nearby Mcdonalds is still under renovation, im not that desperate to go to starbucks and i dont feel like drinking 7-11's crappy coffee. i think today will be a very unproductive day (unless motivation kicks in from out of the blue)
woke up today with a boulder of laziness on my shoulder (or a cloak of laziness...or a cloud of laziness over my head...whatever, im too lazy to really think of something better...point is im feeling extremely lazy). i had to ask myself whether its already saturday. i answered its only friday and i need to get up to go to the office (i like my morning conversations with myself. there was a time i felt like i was in some negotiation table, arguing against myself how much longer i should sleep before i get up to go to work. can i afford 5 minutes? can i extend it to 10? will be 15 minutes be too much or could i still manage to have enough time? of course the other side was arguing that i need to get at that moment. then i start editing my pleading in my head while in a half-asleep mode so by the time im going to edit it in my office, i already have the revisions ready to save time and make up for the extended sleep i took. yep. there are times im already "half-working" while half-conscious because my mind is much clearer during this period)
anyway, it took me an hour before i managed to leave my bed and go to the living room. since i was feeling extremely lazy, i just sat in front of the TV, waiting for the drowsiness to wear off, which was trying to pull me back to my bed. another hour passed before i finished getting dressed to go to work. it took me five minutes just to wear my shoes because i really didnt want to put them on. i just want to lie down again in my bed.
now, im sitting in my office, with an MS word file containing a pleading im supposed to be finalizing. and im just too drowsy to work. i want to go to back to sleep. normally, i would get some nice cup of coffee but the nearby Mcdonalds is still under renovation, im not that desperate to go to starbucks and i dont feel like drinking 7-11's crappy coffee. i think today will be a very unproductive day (unless motivation kicks in from out of the blue)
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
still hooked
during one of the bar saturdays, most likely the first bar saturday, some friends dropped by my hotel room and caught me watching this video. well, when i let them enter the room, i forgot the video was playing (i was playing it over and over and over again). i only noticed that it was still playing when we were already talking and some of them were watching it. i dont know. for some reason, i quickly closed the video player when i noticed that they saw what i was watching (i acted like it was some distraction to the conversation). back then, i wasnt that comfortable being seen as someone who likes a kpop girl group (although my blog entries then would seem to say otherwise). of course now, things are much different. one year later, i no longer watch their music videos secretly in my laptop. i watch it at our living room, through my PS3 on a large TV.
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
she suddenly popped in my head last week, from out of the blue
sometimes i ask myself why i do the things i do, why i do things that i dont expect or inconsistent with what i just said or done. the best answer i could give is that i shouldnt forget about my "multiple personalities"
speaking of multiple personalities (the intro has really nothing to do with this blog entry except for the two words in quotations, which is remotely related to what im about to discuss), this is why i liked a particular girl back in college (she didnt have multiple personalities but she stated something somewhat similar). around the time of the college orientation seminar to be more specific. i didnt notice her until she was seated beside me. we were arranged alphabetically in a room, and i still remember the ORSEM volunteer. i also liked her (the orsem volunteer) but the girl seated beside me grabbed my attention then. she was "pestering" me, asking me this and that. all i wanted then was to stay home and watch TV. i didnt want to sit in a room with a group of people and do childish activities that has no intellectually stimulating effect whatsoever. so the somewhat hyperactive girl sitting beside me, whom i havent seen because despite her annoying questions, i just kept looking at the front of the room, was making my day worse. then suddenly, she said something that made me interested in her. she said she has a very diverse personality (thats when i looked at her and realized the annoying girl had a pretty face). for some reason, that really caught my attention and it really made me think. from being annoying, she made herself interesting by revealing something i wanted to find out and confirm (is it really diverse as she claims?). well, unfortunately, she didnt stay in our university long enough for me to know her more. during that short period (one semester to be specific), she remained a mystery to me despite her somewhat very open and sociable personality. she was friendly but not too friendly. she was noisy and talkative but she did it in moderation. she knew when to talk and when to shut up (or maybe thats just what appeared to me). i liked the way she dressed (from top to bottom). i liked her scent. i liked her hair. i liked her playfulness. her voice was fine (i didnt like the voice of the other girl i liked almost half a decade later). point is, she didnt really stand out from the group of people in the room but what made me initially notice her is what she said about her personality. she said it with such confidence like she was declaring some unbending truth. not really. she just said it recklessly but i believed her nonetheless (or i wanted to validate her reckless claim because if it was true then...). thats what i really wanted to find out. so i may usually sound shallow when i always give a lot of consideration to physical beauty but i do take into consideration personality. well, physical beauty is a prerequisite in most instances. in some instances, the personality must be so great that it complements the physical beauty (meaning, i notice the personality first then i realize the physical beauty).
speaking of multiple personalities (the intro has really nothing to do with this blog entry except for the two words in quotations, which is remotely related to what im about to discuss), this is why i liked a particular girl back in college (she didnt have multiple personalities but she stated something somewhat similar). around the time of the college orientation seminar to be more specific. i didnt notice her until she was seated beside me. we were arranged alphabetically in a room, and i still remember the ORSEM volunteer. i also liked her (the orsem volunteer) but the girl seated beside me grabbed my attention then. she was "pestering" me, asking me this and that. all i wanted then was to stay home and watch TV. i didnt want to sit in a room with a group of people and do childish activities that has no intellectually stimulating effect whatsoever. so the somewhat hyperactive girl sitting beside me, whom i havent seen because despite her annoying questions, i just kept looking at the front of the room, was making my day worse. then suddenly, she said something that made me interested in her. she said she has a very diverse personality (thats when i looked at her and realized the annoying girl had a pretty face). for some reason, that really caught my attention and it really made me think. from being annoying, she made herself interesting by revealing something i wanted to find out and confirm (is it really diverse as she claims?). well, unfortunately, she didnt stay in our university long enough for me to know her more. during that short period (one semester to be specific), she remained a mystery to me despite her somewhat very open and sociable personality. she was friendly but not too friendly. she was noisy and talkative but she did it in moderation. she knew when to talk and when to shut up (or maybe thats just what appeared to me). i liked the way she dressed (from top to bottom). i liked her scent. i liked her hair. i liked her playfulness. her voice was fine (i didnt like the voice of the other girl i liked almost half a decade later). point is, she didnt really stand out from the group of people in the room but what made me initially notice her is what she said about her personality. she said it with such confidence like she was declaring some unbending truth. not really. she just said it recklessly but i believed her nonetheless (or i wanted to validate her reckless claim because if it was true then...). thats what i really wanted to find out. so i may usually sound shallow when i always give a lot of consideration to physical beauty but i do take into consideration personality. well, physical beauty is a prerequisite in most instances. in some instances, the personality must be so great that it complements the physical beauty (meaning, i notice the personality first then i realize the physical beauty).
Monday, September 12, 2011
library music
during the 2010 bar review, this is what i played in my mp3 player whenever i review in the library and my review pace starts to slow down. this is also the song i use whenever the person sitting near me is noisy. i really love this song.
this is how its supposed to be
just last tuesday, i made a comment that maybe september decided to become buddies with august after a really stressful day. yesterday, i thought september might be the new august. thankfully i was wrong.
i was supposed to have three court hearings today (well, two court hearings and one court related matter). two of them were rescheduled this morning, the moment i went to the court itself. some lawyers would probably be pissed because they drove all the way from somewhere only to find out that the hearing they're going to attend got cancelled. not me. having three scheduled cases in one day is a first and fortunately, two of them didnt push through. i would probably be almost as stressed as last tuesday if all three pushed through (i think last tuesday will still be more stressful).
i dont care if i dont get any appearance fee. half, if not most, of my cases are pro bono anyway so im really used to free legal services (although im starting to feel that i cant keep this up much longer because of the financial needs im starting to have). as long as it means less work, less stress, even if it leads to less pay, i dont mind.
my lazy self is really getting tired with all the work that ive been having lately.
the third scheduled hearing pushed through. if this one got cancelled, it would mean using a tremendous amount of luck that i would worry what i have to give back in return. but even if did push through, it wasnt as stressful as i thought it would be. it actually went much better than what i initially thought would happen.
i was supposed to have three court hearings today (well, two court hearings and one court related matter). two of them were rescheduled this morning, the moment i went to the court itself. some lawyers would probably be pissed because they drove all the way from somewhere only to find out that the hearing they're going to attend got cancelled. not me. having three scheduled cases in one day is a first and fortunately, two of them didnt push through. i would probably be almost as stressed as last tuesday if all three pushed through (i think last tuesday will still be more stressful).
i dont care if i dont get any appearance fee. half, if not most, of my cases are pro bono anyway so im really used to free legal services (although im starting to feel that i cant keep this up much longer because of the financial needs im starting to have). as long as it means less work, less stress, even if it leads to less pay, i dont mind.
my lazy self is really getting tired with all the work that ive been having lately.
the third scheduled hearing pushed through. if this one got cancelled, it would mean using a tremendous amount of luck that i would worry what i have to give back in return. but even if did push through, it wasnt as stressful as i thought it would be. it actually went much better than what i initially thought would happen.
Sunday, September 11, 2011
rewind, rewind further then fast forward
last year, i was in my hotel room preparing for the 2nd bar sunday. by this time, i was starting to feel how depressing it can be to be alone in the hotel room. the stress level and the loneliness was starting to drive me nuts. the experience made me realize how unprepared i was emotionally for the bar exams. i had to make use of some intellectual and spiritual strength to make up for it. i started making use of the mirrors in my hotel room to talk to myself. i kept telling myself not to panic and i try to boost my confidence by repeatedly telling myself "i can do this. one sunday at a time" (talk about being self-reliant). the complete silence wasnt really helping. i thought being alone in the hotel room would be beneficial to my last minute reviews because of the silence. using the television and watching some cable programs would be pointless since i wont be able to enjoy it because im bound to worry about the time (i only open the TV when im already tucked in bed, trying to fall asleep. i thought i had to use it for about 30 minutes since i paid for it anyway. i watched the arirang channel and there i found out about hayao miyazaki's new animated film. wow, got an info about a japanese anime director through a korean channel). my review breaks consisted only of one thing: watching girls generation music videos (for about 30 minutes). i also watched it during dinner time. i buy my own dinner at the nearby KFC. i take the meal back to my hotel room, eat dinner while sitting in front of my laptop watching the videos. it sounds pathetic but it worked. i was not comfortable texting or calling someone for company or to have someone to talk to. even if i was about to reach a low point, i still find it difficult to ask for help.
having friends drop by and visit during the saturdays before the bar sundays was really great. i wasnt able to show my appreciation for their show of support, since im not good with such thing, but i truly appreciated their visits. i even tried to tag along with some of them when they visited the other bar examinees. staying inside the hotel room for hours was really driving me crazy. it was torture. i had to tie the curtains of the hotel room so it wont be dim and gloomy even if my room at home was always dim and gloomy for more than a decade (until now. im not a fan of sunlight). it was that depressing for me.
anyway, 10 years ago, i was in my room, clueless of the terrorist attacks in the US. i found out about it the following day when i overheard a blockmate saying that when he informed another blockmate about it, she didnt believe him simply because it was the US they were talking about (this is our college blockmate who lived in the US for years). she thought that cant be possible. when i heard about it, my initial reaction in my head was "what the hell was i doing last night in my room?" i was probably in bed, listening to some music. that was my routine then.
fast forward to the present. i just spent my sunday afternoon in the office working. i wasnt able to go to the office for more or less three days last week due to health concerns. so the workload piled up. going to have another stressful monday tomorrow. i need to have some kind of social life again. the work stress might drive me crazy without me noticing it.
having friends drop by and visit during the saturdays before the bar sundays was really great. i wasnt able to show my appreciation for their show of support, since im not good with such thing, but i truly appreciated their visits. i even tried to tag along with some of them when they visited the other bar examinees. staying inside the hotel room for hours was really driving me crazy. it was torture. i had to tie the curtains of the hotel room so it wont be dim and gloomy even if my room at home was always dim and gloomy for more than a decade (until now. im not a fan of sunlight). it was that depressing for me.
anyway, 10 years ago, i was in my room, clueless of the terrorist attacks in the US. i found out about it the following day when i overheard a blockmate saying that when he informed another blockmate about it, she didnt believe him simply because it was the US they were talking about (this is our college blockmate who lived in the US for years). she thought that cant be possible. when i heard about it, my initial reaction in my head was "what the hell was i doing last night in my room?" i was probably in bed, listening to some music. that was my routine then.
fast forward to the present. i just spent my sunday afternoon in the office working. i wasnt able to go to the office for more or less three days last week due to health concerns. so the workload piled up. going to have another stressful monday tomorrow. i need to have some kind of social life again. the work stress might drive me crazy without me noticing it.
Thursday, September 08, 2011
maybe i should read law books in my free time
one notable thing i noticed now that im practicing law is my lack of confidence and uncertainty with what i know. i think i still sound like a stuttering law student when i explain the law or give legal advice. i just keep doubting myself.
its different when im asked about other topics. ask me about science stuff i know or tech stuff, i would discuss it with authority and sound like im taking the person to school (i think no one uses this phrase anymore. i probably havent heard it for more than half a decade). i become really persuasive and im good with bluffing when its about a topic im "comfortable" with. that's why my siblings always doubt me when i start to discuss something with enthusiasm. because sometimes i get carried away and i mix my opinion with the facts and make it appear as truths. i present myself as a know-it-all and really deliver what i know (or what i think i know) very convincingly. if only i can sell the stuff i know, i wouldnt be having any financial problems. the thing is, i need to really believe in what i know. its a basic thing in order to be confident about it.
i dont know why, despite after months of law practice, i still doubt myself. maybe because im too worried, that what i say will affect lives. i cant be careless in law practice. fatal mistakes can be committed (a person can rot in jail or a poor client can lose his or her life's savings), as opposed to being asked on topics that will not cause any irreparable or serious injury. im too mindful of the consequences that it makes me less effective.
its different when im asked about other topics. ask me about science stuff i know or tech stuff, i would discuss it with authority and sound like im taking the person to school (i think no one uses this phrase anymore. i probably havent heard it for more than half a decade). i become really persuasive and im good with bluffing when its about a topic im "comfortable" with. that's why my siblings always doubt me when i start to discuss something with enthusiasm. because sometimes i get carried away and i mix my opinion with the facts and make it appear as truths. i present myself as a know-it-all and really deliver what i know (or what i think i know) very convincingly. if only i can sell the stuff i know, i wouldnt be having any financial problems. the thing is, i need to really believe in what i know. its a basic thing in order to be confident about it.
i dont know why, despite after months of law practice, i still doubt myself. maybe because im too worried, that what i say will affect lives. i cant be careless in law practice. fatal mistakes can be committed (a person can rot in jail or a poor client can lose his or her life's savings), as opposed to being asked on topics that will not cause any irreparable or serious injury. im too mindful of the consequences that it makes me less effective.
this should have been my speech last May
talked to a friend last week through text message. i havent seen him for more than 10 years and we just communicated by text because i greeted him on his birthday. if i remember correctly, our last communication was back in 2009 when he was showing some interest in the studio apartment i was about to vacate. wait...our last communication was May of last year. he saw a copy of the Candidates Profiles which i made as part of my job for an NGO and he texted me about it.
anyway, he appeared surprised to know that im now a lawyer. after seeing his reply, i realized i would be surprised too. becoming a lawyer was never my childhood dream. when i was just five years old, what i wanted to be was to become a scientist (i wanted to work in a laboratory, do some experiments and scientific research). science has always been my favorite subject. until high school, i wanted to become a scientist until one of my science teachers said that there's no future for Filipino scientists working in the Philippines. our country doesnt provide much support for our scientists. so when i was reluctantly choosing a course to take in college (i didnt want to go to college after being discouraged to become a scientist and after being heavily influenced by philosophy. i perceived it as an unnecessary form of educational attainment which merely prolongs my imprisonment in a social system that is imperfect and flawed. all i want was a simple life with a simple job with as little interaction with the systematizing effect of the order of things), i just chose the ones with the least math subjects. political science and philosophy (but i chose architecture in one of the universities because it was their field of expertise). so i eventually became a political science major and earned a degree in political science. in a way, i could still be a scientist. a political scientist. but for some reason, when i was in my junior year in college, i decided to study law. why? because i think it would be interesting. i find the field of law interesting to study. thats why i really referred to it as "further studies". at that time, i was a nowhere man with nowhere plans and taking up law would seem to give me some kind of direction. or a not so boring path to take. i really thought of it as a study of law (i never watched ally mcbeal or any other laywer related tv series before (and until now) so television, and film, has nothing to do with my decision to take up law).
i also had no idea how lawyers become rich in their profession. i grew up being told that lawyering was hard work and they get paid in kind, not money. that was my impression (thats why i was puzzled when people make comments about how profitable it was to be a lawyer). my relatives, who were lawyers, were paid in the form of poultry, bread, seafood, etc. simple stuff. they never told me the "good" side of lawyering or that lawyers have really "nice" salaries. i was just told how noble the profession was, that its some form of public service without asking anything in return, etc. i was also really clueless about law firms. so when i decided to take up law, it was really to study further an academic field i find interesting.
i didnt take my law school studies seriously during the first few years. it was only when i was in third year did i start to take it seriously. i thought, "crap, it seems i might be able to finish law school. this shit is getting real". so i took it seriously, studied well, and started making plans. i mean, ive gone far enough to the point that i must have plans. having no plans with such a profession would be a lot of waste of a lot of things. lawyering is really serious stuff. its a privilege to practice law. now that its starting to sink in what ive gotten myself into, i must make sure i dont do anymore idiotic things ive done in the past (and i think ive repeatedly stated that ive done a lot of really idiotic things that are just so seriously stupid that it haunts me). the time and effort that would be lost...its just...things are really starting to become a big deal. this is why i would be surprised to know that im a lawyer. its not really my thing but the fact that i got this far, i cant simply brush it aside as nothing. lawyering is truly an interesting profession but its really for my intellectual stimulation and not for my laid back and somewhat lazy personality.
reminds me of shikamaru nara who just wants a simple life but cant have it simply because it would be a waste of potential.
anyway, he appeared surprised to know that im now a lawyer. after seeing his reply, i realized i would be surprised too. becoming a lawyer was never my childhood dream. when i was just five years old, what i wanted to be was to become a scientist (i wanted to work in a laboratory, do some experiments and scientific research). science has always been my favorite subject. until high school, i wanted to become a scientist until one of my science teachers said that there's no future for Filipino scientists working in the Philippines. our country doesnt provide much support for our scientists. so when i was reluctantly choosing a course to take in college (i didnt want to go to college after being discouraged to become a scientist and after being heavily influenced by philosophy. i perceived it as an unnecessary form of educational attainment which merely prolongs my imprisonment in a social system that is imperfect and flawed. all i want was a simple life with a simple job with as little interaction with the systematizing effect of the order of things), i just chose the ones with the least math subjects. political science and philosophy (but i chose architecture in one of the universities because it was their field of expertise). so i eventually became a political science major and earned a degree in political science. in a way, i could still be a scientist. a political scientist. but for some reason, when i was in my junior year in college, i decided to study law. why? because i think it would be interesting. i find the field of law interesting to study. thats why i really referred to it as "further studies". at that time, i was a nowhere man with nowhere plans and taking up law would seem to give me some kind of direction. or a not so boring path to take. i really thought of it as a study of law (i never watched ally mcbeal or any other laywer related tv series before (and until now) so television, and film, has nothing to do with my decision to take up law).
i also had no idea how lawyers become rich in their profession. i grew up being told that lawyering was hard work and they get paid in kind, not money. that was my impression (thats why i was puzzled when people make comments about how profitable it was to be a lawyer). my relatives, who were lawyers, were paid in the form of poultry, bread, seafood, etc. simple stuff. they never told me the "good" side of lawyering or that lawyers have really "nice" salaries. i was just told how noble the profession was, that its some form of public service without asking anything in return, etc. i was also really clueless about law firms. so when i decided to take up law, it was really to study further an academic field i find interesting.
i didnt take my law school studies seriously during the first few years. it was only when i was in third year did i start to take it seriously. i thought, "crap, it seems i might be able to finish law school. this shit is getting real". so i took it seriously, studied well, and started making plans. i mean, ive gone far enough to the point that i must have plans. having no plans with such a profession would be a lot of waste of a lot of things. lawyering is really serious stuff. its a privilege to practice law. now that its starting to sink in what ive gotten myself into, i must make sure i dont do anymore idiotic things ive done in the past (and i think ive repeatedly stated that ive done a lot of really idiotic things that are just so seriously stupid that it haunts me). the time and effort that would be lost...its just...things are really starting to become a big deal. this is why i would be surprised to know that im a lawyer. its not really my thing but the fact that i got this far, i cant simply brush it aside as nothing. lawyering is truly an interesting profession but its really for my intellectual stimulation and not for my laid back and somewhat lazy personality.
reminds me of shikamaru nara who just wants a simple life but cant have it simply because it would be a waste of potential.
Tuesday, September 06, 2011
the day after the fifth of september
by this time last year, i just slept a lot. my initial plan was to study the day after the first bar sunday. that was just...difficult to do. the exam itself was so mentally draining that a night's sleep wasnt enough to recharge. it was days, if not a week, of preparation for every bar sunday so i think it makes sense that even a full eight hours of sleep will not suffice to have enough energy to hit the books again so soon. or maybe it was just me.
i remember waking up that monday morning and then saying to myself to rest a little more. by lunch time, ive decided to just rest for the remainder of the day. i will just have to make the most out of tuesday. i was still worrying a lot about the 2nd bar sunday because the subjects scheduled for that day were civil law and taxation law. civil law covers a lot of law subjects and im not good with some of those fields of law (like contracts and obligations). as for taxation law, its like math to me. i remember when i was still a law student, i went to the mall and watched a movie the night before the final exam for my taxation law subject. thats how much i didnt care about taxation law. i didnt mind failing it because i have no patience to understand it. i have the knack to just stop caring all of a sudden. i really reach a point when i just "drop" things. its like the opposite of the saying "fall seven times, stand up eight". fail once or twice, stop trying and just do something else. why bother falling five more times. just do something else and move on. that is why im more of jack of all trades, master of none. im ok with reaching an average level of competence. i dont want to be stuck perfecting something.
anyway, i passed my taxation law subject in law school. as regards the taxation bar exam, fortunately, the arellano law bar review helped me a lot in understanding taxation law. if not for the arellano bar review, i wouldnt have passed the taxation bar exams. seriously. it was the arellano bar review that saved me from the latter half of the second bar sunday.
fast forward one year later...holy shit. i had a better day last year! if i only knew then that i will have a really stressful day today (which was preceded by a stressful day due to health reasons which made today more stressful), i would have appreciated my "rest" day last year much, much more.
i remember waking up that monday morning and then saying to myself to rest a little more. by lunch time, ive decided to just rest for the remainder of the day. i will just have to make the most out of tuesday. i was still worrying a lot about the 2nd bar sunday because the subjects scheduled for that day were civil law and taxation law. civil law covers a lot of law subjects and im not good with some of those fields of law (like contracts and obligations). as for taxation law, its like math to me. i remember when i was still a law student, i went to the mall and watched a movie the night before the final exam for my taxation law subject. thats how much i didnt care about taxation law. i didnt mind failing it because i have no patience to understand it. i have the knack to just stop caring all of a sudden. i really reach a point when i just "drop" things. its like the opposite of the saying "fall seven times, stand up eight". fail once or twice, stop trying and just do something else. why bother falling five more times. just do something else and move on. that is why im more of jack of all trades, master of none. im ok with reaching an average level of competence. i dont want to be stuck perfecting something.
anyway, i passed my taxation law subject in law school. as regards the taxation bar exam, fortunately, the arellano law bar review helped me a lot in understanding taxation law. if not for the arellano bar review, i wouldnt have passed the taxation bar exams. seriously. it was the arellano bar review that saved me from the latter half of the second bar sunday.
fast forward one year later...holy shit. i had a better day last year! if i only knew then that i will have a really stressful day today (which was preceded by a stressful day due to health reasons which made today more stressful), i would have appreciated my "rest" day last year much, much more.
i just need a pocketful of sunshine. or maybe a cool, rainy night
according to a Yahoo Health article, there are 12 signs of depression in men. if i were to believe yahoo health, im suffering from depression.
the 12 signs are:
fatigue
sleeping too much or too little
stomachache or backache
irritability
difficulty concentrating
anger or hostility
stress
anxiety
substance abuse
sexual dysfunction
indecision
suicidal thoughts
now, if i were to ask myself whether im depressed based from these signs, i would say "thats absurd". sure i have 10 to 11 of the 12 signs but i dont feel depressed at all. i dont feel happy but i dont feel depressed either. i recall suffering from depression years ago and that really felt like i hit rock bottom. of course i never really hit rock bottom before but thats how i felt back then. i dont even want to leave my bed and i really dont care about anything (this was during the memorable year of 2004. august 2004 took me on a roller coaster ride and i then found myself crashing and burning months later. good thing i managed to pull myself together the year after). maybe that was a severe kind of depression but i really dont feel depressed right now. maybe im in denial? nope. i would think i might be heading there but im still far from it. i mean, i would admit i might be in some low and somewhat depressing point in my life but i still dont fail to see the brighter side of things. i just had a stressful day but i still manage to do the things i normally do. usually, when im really down, im going to hit the bed and sleep early and hope things will be ok by the time i wake up. i havent reached that point yet so im ok.
the 12 signs are:
fatigue
sleeping too much or too little
stomachache or backache
irritability
difficulty concentrating
anger or hostility
stress
anxiety
substance abuse
sexual dysfunction
indecision
suicidal thoughts
now, if i were to ask myself whether im depressed based from these signs, i would say "thats absurd". sure i have 10 to 11 of the 12 signs but i dont feel depressed at all. i dont feel happy but i dont feel depressed either. i recall suffering from depression years ago and that really felt like i hit rock bottom. of course i never really hit rock bottom before but thats how i felt back then. i dont even want to leave my bed and i really dont care about anything (this was during the memorable year of 2004. august 2004 took me on a roller coaster ride and i then found myself crashing and burning months later. good thing i managed to pull myself together the year after). maybe that was a severe kind of depression but i really dont feel depressed right now. maybe im in denial? nope. i would think i might be heading there but im still far from it. i mean, i would admit i might be in some low and somewhat depressing point in my life but i still dont fail to see the brighter side of things. i just had a stressful day but i still manage to do the things i normally do. usually, when im really down, im going to hit the bed and sleep early and hope things will be ok by the time i wake up. i havent reached that point yet so im ok.
i would rather say today is not a good day instead of just having a bad day
holy shitload. just had a really, really stressful day. made me think if september has decided to become buddies with august.
i started the day by going to a doctor's clinic located in a hospital to consult some health related concern (i just dont run out of health problems). the doctor recommended an expensive medical procedure to see what's wrong (yup, just to see what's wrong). i just dont run out of unexpected expenses. just last sunday, i bought a P24,000 desktop computer to replace our desktop PC that just crashed last month (well, my sister gave a few thousand bucks so i really just spent P19,000). just a few months ago, i also had other health problems that made me spend a lot too because of the expensive medication. i think my internal organs really hate me right now. or maybe im just rotting from the inside.
anyway, the reason i went to the doctor this morning was because i was really feeling bad the day before. it was so bad that i was sweating in an airconditioned room and i cant concentrate during the court proceedings. i even went home early (i asked for a half-day) because i was really in pain and was feeling weak.
after having a stressful visit from the doctor (unexpected expenses really stress me out. especially now that i just spent a lot recently and it will take some time for me to recover it), i went to the office and received a court decision that ive been waiting for a month. i was already half-expecting an unfavorable decision because there's been a rumor about it more than a week ago. i was expecting this decision last august but it just came out today. out of all the cases ive handled and im currently handling, this is the one that stresses me out the most. it just had to come out today, when im having health problems. it stresses me out so much i dont want to think about it now. i will deal with it tomorrow.
i also pricked my thumb with our abnormally sharp fork while i was washing it so i can prepare myself a tuna sandwich after a stressful day. normally, i go to some fast food place after a stressful day but since im on a tight budget because of the goddamn expenses, i will just have to settle for food thats somewhat free (since im the one who buys the groceries, its not really free).
i started the day by going to a doctor's clinic located in a hospital to consult some health related concern (i just dont run out of health problems). the doctor recommended an expensive medical procedure to see what's wrong (yup, just to see what's wrong). i just dont run out of unexpected expenses. just last sunday, i bought a P24,000 desktop computer to replace our desktop PC that just crashed last month (well, my sister gave a few thousand bucks so i really just spent P19,000). just a few months ago, i also had other health problems that made me spend a lot too because of the expensive medication. i think my internal organs really hate me right now. or maybe im just rotting from the inside.
anyway, the reason i went to the doctor this morning was because i was really feeling bad the day before. it was so bad that i was sweating in an airconditioned room and i cant concentrate during the court proceedings. i even went home early (i asked for a half-day) because i was really in pain and was feeling weak.
after having a stressful visit from the doctor (unexpected expenses really stress me out. especially now that i just spent a lot recently and it will take some time for me to recover it), i went to the office and received a court decision that ive been waiting for a month. i was already half-expecting an unfavorable decision because there's been a rumor about it more than a week ago. i was expecting this decision last august but it just came out today. out of all the cases ive handled and im currently handling, this is the one that stresses me out the most. it just had to come out today, when im having health problems. it stresses me out so much i dont want to think about it now. i will deal with it tomorrow.
i also pricked my thumb with our abnormally sharp fork while i was washing it so i can prepare myself a tuna sandwich after a stressful day. normally, i go to some fast food place after a stressful day but since im on a tight budget because of the goddamn expenses, i will just have to settle for food thats somewhat free (since im the one who buys the groceries, its not really free).
Monday, September 05, 2011
remember, remember the fifth of september
i think this month will be filled with "by this time last year..." posts.
by this time last year, i finished my first bar sunday. i shared the room with two blockmates. and i barely slept the night before. not that i reviewed a lot of stuff the day before but i just couldnt fall asleep fast enough (fell asleep between 1am and 2am) and i was worried of going into a deep sleep (so i slept very lightly that i heard the sound of paper being slipped under my hotel door).
i remember dropping the readings i was reviewing that saturday by 11:30pm. the last materials i read were the decisions by Justice Carpio-Morales. then i watched one last girls' generation music video then went to sleep (that was one of the reasons i always brought a laptop every saturday before the bar sunday. when i start to panic, all i had to do was watch one of their videos and i start to think that things will be okay. i still do that until now). like i said, i fell asleep more than an hour later. and i really didnt get to sleep very well. next thing i know, one of my law school friends was calling my cellphone to make sure i was awake (i didnt know then that the hotel provides a wake up call so i requested my friend to do it the night before). i got up, read the materials that was slipped under my door, took a good cold shower then had breakfast at the hotel's dining area. went back to my hotel room, a good friend brought me my lunch, then my family went to my hotel room to wish me good luck. a few more law school friends also dropped by to wish me well for the first bar sunday.
i left my stuff at the hotel's receptionist area then walked to la salle. i surrended my cellphones at the guard station then started looking for my room assignment (felt like a high school student looking for my class section). i was assigned in the same room with two blockmates/law school friends. since we were the ones who didnt graduate on time, being in the same room with them was really good. its nice to have a familiar face during that time. made me think of our freshmen year and at the same time, brings some kind of comfort.
the bar exams started, i made my first memorable mistake. i used the box of pens that was a year old. so naturally, most, if not all of the pens had "stale" ink. after using five pens, i raised my hand and told the proctor that im going to get my other box of pens. when i got back to my seat, i thought that my seatmate probably thinks im some idiot. anyway, because of the ballpen incident, i didnt notice i skipped a page. the page that says "start at this page". that was my second memorable mistake. i noticed that i skipped that page when i was already halfway through the exam. crap! fortunately, i skipped the first item so all i had to do was make sure that my first answer was two pages long in order to make use of all the blank pages.
the rules for taking the bar exam are really strict. and i think that there's truth in the saying that poor penmanship contributes in failing the bar exams. my penmanship sucks. but i tried to improve it for months just for the bar exams.
by this time last year, i finished my first bar sunday. i shared the room with two blockmates. and i barely slept the night before. not that i reviewed a lot of stuff the day before but i just couldnt fall asleep fast enough (fell asleep between 1am and 2am) and i was worried of going into a deep sleep (so i slept very lightly that i heard the sound of paper being slipped under my hotel door).
i remember dropping the readings i was reviewing that saturday by 11:30pm. the last materials i read were the decisions by Justice Carpio-Morales. then i watched one last girls' generation music video then went to sleep (that was one of the reasons i always brought a laptop every saturday before the bar sunday. when i start to panic, all i had to do was watch one of their videos and i start to think that things will be okay. i still do that until now). like i said, i fell asleep more than an hour later. and i really didnt get to sleep very well. next thing i know, one of my law school friends was calling my cellphone to make sure i was awake (i didnt know then that the hotel provides a wake up call so i requested my friend to do it the night before). i got up, read the materials that was slipped under my door, took a good cold shower then had breakfast at the hotel's dining area. went back to my hotel room, a good friend brought me my lunch, then my family went to my hotel room to wish me good luck. a few more law school friends also dropped by to wish me well for the first bar sunday.
i left my stuff at the hotel's receptionist area then walked to la salle. i surrended my cellphones at the guard station then started looking for my room assignment (felt like a high school student looking for my class section). i was assigned in the same room with two blockmates/law school friends. since we were the ones who didnt graduate on time, being in the same room with them was really good. its nice to have a familiar face during that time. made me think of our freshmen year and at the same time, brings some kind of comfort.
the bar exams started, i made my first memorable mistake. i used the box of pens that was a year old. so naturally, most, if not all of the pens had "stale" ink. after using five pens, i raised my hand and told the proctor that im going to get my other box of pens. when i got back to my seat, i thought that my seatmate probably thinks im some idiot. anyway, because of the ballpen incident, i didnt notice i skipped a page. the page that says "start at this page". that was my second memorable mistake. i noticed that i skipped that page when i was already halfway through the exam. crap! fortunately, i skipped the first item so all i had to do was make sure that my first answer was two pages long in order to make use of all the blank pages.
the rules for taking the bar exam are really strict. and i think that there's truth in the saying that poor penmanship contributes in failing the bar exams. my penmanship sucks. but i tried to improve it for months just for the bar exams.
Sunday, September 04, 2011
i was on a diet
by this time last year, i was doing some last minute reviewing. the first bar sunday for the 2010 bar exams fell on the 5th of september. so on september 4, 2010, i got to my hotel room by 2pm and started reviewing for the first bar exam sunday of my life.
i remember having an empty fridge in my hotel room. although i bought a big mac meal at mcdonalds beside la salle before going to the hotel (since im going to be doing some last minute preparations, i must feed myself first), i didnt eat any other other food other than the meals i bought outside the hotel (dinner). just a few days earlier, i was asking my lawyer friends what i need to bring during the saturday before the bar sunday but my questions were more focused on review materials and stuff i need during the bar exam itself. food didnt really cross my mind.
so there i was in my hotel room, with a stack of readings and an empty fridge. fortunately, due to my tight budget, i was already used to not eating a lot. during the bar review, i lost a lot of pounds because i got used to studying without eating much. so when a few friends dropped by to check on me (actually, they checked the fridge), they volunteered to help me "scavenge" for food. they said that its essential to have food. so when we went to the hotel room of another friend who was also taking the bar exams, who also happened to have a lot food with her, i only asked for a couple of bottled water. one for saturday and one for sunday. that's all i need to survive the first bar sunday. my mind was really more focused on the exam and nothing else. i was that worried about the exams that my mind doesnt care about anything other than the exam. screw food. when my mind is really set on something, i start to have some tunnel vision and fail to see anything else. i wont even notice im hungry. well, i will notice it the moment i drain myself to the point i have no other choice but to faint. fortunately, that didnt happen.
i remember having an empty fridge in my hotel room. although i bought a big mac meal at mcdonalds beside la salle before going to the hotel (since im going to be doing some last minute preparations, i must feed myself first), i didnt eat any other other food other than the meals i bought outside the hotel (dinner). just a few days earlier, i was asking my lawyer friends what i need to bring during the saturday before the bar sunday but my questions were more focused on review materials and stuff i need during the bar exam itself. food didnt really cross my mind.
so there i was in my hotel room, with a stack of readings and an empty fridge. fortunately, due to my tight budget, i was already used to not eating a lot. during the bar review, i lost a lot of pounds because i got used to studying without eating much. so when a few friends dropped by to check on me (actually, they checked the fridge), they volunteered to help me "scavenge" for food. they said that its essential to have food. so when we went to the hotel room of another friend who was also taking the bar exams, who also happened to have a lot food with her, i only asked for a couple of bottled water. one for saturday and one for sunday. that's all i need to survive the first bar sunday. my mind was really more focused on the exam and nothing else. i was that worried about the exams that my mind doesnt care about anything other than the exam. screw food. when my mind is really set on something, i start to have some tunnel vision and fail to see anything else. i wont even notice im hungry. well, i will notice it the moment i drain myself to the point i have no other choice but to faint. fortunately, that didnt happen.
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
last 2 hours and 8 minutes
the last day of august. finally. or is it too soon to write this? i mean, august still has 2 hours left to slap me in the face so hard it could break my neck.
anyway, compared to other augusts, this one was more passive. or maybe im just more vigilant? maybe im getting used to it? maybe its the rainy weather that made things tolerable?
the really unfortunate stuff that got to me were when the desktop PC crashed (based from my canvassing last weekend, i really am going to spend more than a month's salary for its replacement) and when my office pen broke (it broke while i was on the phone talking to an annoying client. and i was starting to get attached to that pen). there were also the unexpected expenses. there was a day when i was only planning to spend P35 for a korean ice cream but since it was not available and did not plan in case of its unavailability, as an alternative to the ice cream i craved (when i crave for something and i dont get it, i need something to replace it that would make me temporarily forget what im craving for), i ended up buying KFC's Tower burger and 8 pieces of california maki in a nearby japanese restaurant (and i was also planning to buy pizza! good thing my brother was there to stop me). and i had to buy snacks for my parents too since im going to eat the food i bought at home. so i spent around P500. from P35 to P500 (since last year, im blaming august for my sudden loss of control over myself. last year, i became addicted to SNSD and disrupted my study schedule. i dont regret it of course because somehow it made the bar exams bearable yet my sudden loss of discipline to study could have prevented me from passing the bar. fortunately, the bar exams were held on september so whatever i lost in august, my luck managed to make up for it during september). this is why there are times that i really need to have a plan. when i just do things, i really just do things.
so august 2011 was like carrying a bag full of bricks all month long while getting hit with small pebbles on my face. its annoying and burdensome yet tolerable. its not as terrible as the previous augusts. now im going to put down this bag of bricks and wear my lucky jacket by the time i wake up tomorrow, which hopefully, september brought.
my broken pen, which was given to me as a gift by my cousin and his fiancee (wife in less than 2 weeks) when i passed the bar exams (a simple gift and i really liked it). how can i clip it now?:
anyway, compared to other augusts, this one was more passive. or maybe im just more vigilant? maybe im getting used to it? maybe its the rainy weather that made things tolerable?
the really unfortunate stuff that got to me were when the desktop PC crashed (based from my canvassing last weekend, i really am going to spend more than a month's salary for its replacement) and when my office pen broke (it broke while i was on the phone talking to an annoying client. and i was starting to get attached to that pen). there were also the unexpected expenses. there was a day when i was only planning to spend P35 for a korean ice cream but since it was not available and did not plan in case of its unavailability, as an alternative to the ice cream i craved (when i crave for something and i dont get it, i need something to replace it that would make me temporarily forget what im craving for), i ended up buying KFC's Tower burger and 8 pieces of california maki in a nearby japanese restaurant (and i was also planning to buy pizza! good thing my brother was there to stop me). and i had to buy snacks for my parents too since im going to eat the food i bought at home. so i spent around P500. from P35 to P500 (since last year, im blaming august for my sudden loss of control over myself. last year, i became addicted to SNSD and disrupted my study schedule. i dont regret it of course because somehow it made the bar exams bearable yet my sudden loss of discipline to study could have prevented me from passing the bar. fortunately, the bar exams were held on september so whatever i lost in august, my luck managed to make up for it during september). this is why there are times that i really need to have a plan. when i just do things, i really just do things.
so august 2011 was like carrying a bag full of bricks all month long while getting hit with small pebbles on my face. its annoying and burdensome yet tolerable. its not as terrible as the previous augusts. now im going to put down this bag of bricks and wear my lucky jacket by the time i wake up tomorrow, which hopefully, september brought.
my broken pen, which was given to me as a gift by my cousin and his fiancee (wife in less than 2 weeks) when i passed the bar exams (a simple gift and i really liked it). how can i clip it now?:
Friday, August 26, 2011
i guess its really not that bad
i get depressed when i lose a lot of money unexpectedly. or i lose it on unplanned things. not that ive been victimized by another pickpocket but im about to lose more than a month's salary in the next few weeks.
i need to buy a new desktop PC for my siblings. our desktop PC crashed recently (no surprise there. its august) and im forced to realize the fact that its time to get a new desktop PC. its more than a decade old. well, in a way, it is. my parents bought it way back in 1998 (after i angrily complained about the typewriter. i was in 3rd year highschool and i was really pissed whenever i made mistakes while typing) and i had it upgraded back in 2003 but it still makes use of some of its old parts. the piecemeal upgrades ive been giving it after 2003 are mostly hard disk upgrades. i think it started with a seagate 2gig hardisk in 1998. crashed around 2001 or 2002 (thanks to napster! i was addicted to downloading songs that i filled the hard disk to the point it has no other option but to crash). so i bought a 20gig hard disk to replace it. then added another hard disk after 2003 (cant remember when exactly). last hard disk upgrade was back in March of 2009. our desktop PC is still running on Pentium 4 and Windows XP SP2. well, was still running until it crashed.
anyway, if i reformat it, it really wont be that useful. my siblings are already having a hard time using it. its current specs arent meant for photoshop and other graphic design related software. just months ago, my brother had to wait 10 hours before the desktop PC managed to save (just to save) a 2-3minute...video file (or whatever its called) he was working on. i cant upgrade this PC anymore since its parts are no longer compatible with the current hardware. just a few years ago, the repair guy said its already difficult (if not almost impossible) to get the kind of RAM our desktop PC uses.
since both my siblings are graphic designers or graphic artists or whatever they're called, i need to get a desktop PC with at least an Intel core i5 (so the laptop i bought for my sister earlier this year which makes use of an i3 is really barely enough). i dont think i can afford an i7. certainly i cant afford a Mac. i also need a motherboard (obviously), video card, a good amount of RAM and a better computer monitor (time to switch to LCD). i will also need to buy a new hard disk since the motherboard will make use of a SATA hard disk. all of our PCs hard disk are still IDE.
normally, i wouldnt be depressed to buy gadgets. but since i really dont have the money allocated for it, im not that enthusiastic. im already having difficulties saving up for a tablet. with this desktop PC purchase, i dont think i will be buying myself a tablet anytime soon (and i just tested a demo unit last tuesday! and was able to see the samsung galaxy tab 10.1). maybe its because im going to spend a lot and im not going to be the one who will be using it. i dont mind if im not going to use it as long as i wont be the one spending for it. i dont mind spending a lot as long as im the one who will be using it. or maybe because ive been bombarded with a lot of bad work-related news lately that even buying gadgets cant cheer me up.
i need to buy a new desktop PC for my siblings. our desktop PC crashed recently (no surprise there. its august) and im forced to realize the fact that its time to get a new desktop PC. its more than a decade old. well, in a way, it is. my parents bought it way back in 1998 (after i angrily complained about the typewriter. i was in 3rd year highschool and i was really pissed whenever i made mistakes while typing) and i had it upgraded back in 2003 but it still makes use of some of its old parts. the piecemeal upgrades ive been giving it after 2003 are mostly hard disk upgrades. i think it started with a seagate 2gig hardisk in 1998. crashed around 2001 or 2002 (thanks to napster! i was addicted to downloading songs that i filled the hard disk to the point it has no other option but to crash). so i bought a 20gig hard disk to replace it. then added another hard disk after 2003 (cant remember when exactly). last hard disk upgrade was back in March of 2009. our desktop PC is still running on Pentium 4 and Windows XP SP2. well, was still running until it crashed.
anyway, if i reformat it, it really wont be that useful. my siblings are already having a hard time using it. its current specs arent meant for photoshop and other graphic design related software. just months ago, my brother had to wait 10 hours before the desktop PC managed to save (just to save) a 2-3minute...video file (or whatever its called) he was working on. i cant upgrade this PC anymore since its parts are no longer compatible with the current hardware. just a few years ago, the repair guy said its already difficult (if not almost impossible) to get the kind of RAM our desktop PC uses.
since both my siblings are graphic designers or graphic artists or whatever they're called, i need to get a desktop PC with at least an Intel core i5 (so the laptop i bought for my sister earlier this year which makes use of an i3 is really barely enough). i dont think i can afford an i7. certainly i cant afford a Mac. i also need a motherboard (obviously), video card, a good amount of RAM and a better computer monitor (time to switch to LCD). i will also need to buy a new hard disk since the motherboard will make use of a SATA hard disk. all of our PCs hard disk are still IDE.
normally, i wouldnt be depressed to buy gadgets. but since i really dont have the money allocated for it, im not that enthusiastic. im already having difficulties saving up for a tablet. with this desktop PC purchase, i dont think i will be buying myself a tablet anytime soon (and i just tested a demo unit last tuesday! and was able to see the samsung galaxy tab 10.1). maybe its because im going to spend a lot and im not going to be the one who will be using it. i dont mind if im not going to use it as long as i wont be the one spending for it. i dont mind spending a lot as long as im the one who will be using it. or maybe because ive been bombarded with a lot of bad work-related news lately that even buying gadgets cant cheer me up.
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
eight days. just eight more days. well, hopefully, just eight more days.
i had a hearing in Mandaluyong earlier today. its my third time to attend the hearing for this particular case. forgetting the fact it was august, i didnt expect the unusual number of MRT commuters at the MRT station i go to. it took me 40 minutes before i got the much needed MRT ride.
with my luck on my side, my normal commute is usually hassle free. during times when i need it (so this doesnt happen all the time but during "crucial" times), the public transport i need luckily appears right before me like it was something scripted or orchestrated. i step out of the door of our house, walk a few meters and by the time i reach the street where i wait for the jeepney, the jeepney i need exactly stops right in front of me the moment i reach the "jeepney stop". i ride it, then upon reaching my destination, like the MRT for example, i buy my ticket, pass through the ticket gate and the MRT train appears. by the time i reach the yellow line, the train has stopped, the door opens and there's an available seat. the commute goes smoothly and efficiently and as expected. thats why i consider it a science. my calculation for my commute time is usually off by only five minutes (so its plus minus five minutes from my estimate).
since its august, ordinary rules dont apply. well, ordinary rules that take luck into consideration dont apply. so i was late by 30 minutes for my court hearing. fortunately, and thank God for this one, my case was the second to the last case scheduled for today. so my case wasnt called until an hour later. but it was my first time to be late for a court hearing. and since i was late, i was rushing and flipping through my case file and texting our law office when i remembered that i need to take note of something (during this time, i didnt know what case number was being handled by the court so i was assuming that my case would be called anytime soon).
in the end, things turned out okay so im not complaining. its just that i was late for my court hearing and time was wasted. got tired because of it. ok, so i am complaining. but just a bit. and im expecting that tomorrow's court hearing might not go smoothly too.
with my luck on my side, my normal commute is usually hassle free. during times when i need it (so this doesnt happen all the time but during "crucial" times), the public transport i need luckily appears right before me like it was something scripted or orchestrated. i step out of the door of our house, walk a few meters and by the time i reach the street where i wait for the jeepney, the jeepney i need exactly stops right in front of me the moment i reach the "jeepney stop". i ride it, then upon reaching my destination, like the MRT for example, i buy my ticket, pass through the ticket gate and the MRT train appears. by the time i reach the yellow line, the train has stopped, the door opens and there's an available seat. the commute goes smoothly and efficiently and as expected. thats why i consider it a science. my calculation for my commute time is usually off by only five minutes (so its plus minus five minutes from my estimate).
since its august, ordinary rules dont apply. well, ordinary rules that take luck into consideration dont apply. so i was late by 30 minutes for my court hearing. fortunately, and thank God for this one, my case was the second to the last case scheduled for today. so my case wasnt called until an hour later. but it was my first time to be late for a court hearing. and since i was late, i was rushing and flipping through my case file and texting our law office when i remembered that i need to take note of something (during this time, i didnt know what case number was being handled by the court so i was assuming that my case would be called anytime soon).
in the end, things turned out okay so im not complaining. its just that i was late for my court hearing and time was wasted. got tired because of it. ok, so i am complaining. but just a bit. and im expecting that tomorrow's court hearing might not go smoothly too.
Monday, August 22, 2011
i need to develop better financial management skills
holy shitload batman! the samsung galaxy 10.1 is now available! well, if im not mistaken, its available for those who had their units reserved the moment the first batch comes in. i think it will be available in retail stores by next week.
crap. i dont have the money to buy one. actually....if i really, really want it, i have enough money available to get one but if something unexpected happens (like catching the dengue fever), im going to be draining my savings and putting myself back somewhere near my financial position last year. almost bankrupt.
since May, ive been having a lot of expected and unexpected expenses (in addition to paying some of the bills). i thought i wont be spending as much in June, july and august but, well, medical concerns arose and medication is really expensive. then there's my big appetite and my very picky tongue that favors expensive food (i guess this is why i volunteered to be the one in charge of buying groceries). plus my weekly trip to the cinemas to watch as much movies i can in my movie list for 2011 (right now, im not sure if i can manage to squeeze Cowboys and Aliens in my schedule this week).
going back to tablet talk, do i really need the 10 inch samsung tablet? or am i good with just the 7 inch model, the P1000? when i take a closer look, i prefer the 7inch model with its SMS support (so it can serve as the 3rd phone that i think i need) and card slot (thus allowing its memory to be expandable up to 32gig in addition to its internal storage). my only problem with it is its Android Froyo 2.2 OS. it would have been perfect if it had Android Honeycomb v3.0. it would be nice to have a bigger screen but im after portability and i think the 7inch screen would suffice to accomplish "emergency" office work (like urgent emails, last minute editing on pleadings or legal memos, urgent research work, etc.). i can go anywhere, anytime without much worries because i can do my work wherever i go. this is something a laptop was supposed to accomplish but with the current standards, its not portable enough. its not as convenient as having a tablet PC. its not that the laptop is going to be replaced by the tablet PC anytime soon (the same way the desktop PC is not necessarily obsolete. there are instances where the desktop PC is still necessary and a laptop can't possibly replace it anytime soon) but having both makes things more efficient and convenient.
the P1000 is good enough to address my office needs. and i dropped the kindle off my gadget list because it can serve as an ebook reader as well (but it cant be just a replacement to an ebook reader since the price gap is really big). it seems that i really dont have a good reason to go for the samsung galaxy tab 10.1 except that its larger and has an OS specifically made for tablets. the features that i want are in the P1000. hmm. did i just get excited for no reason? i hope there will be a further price drop in the P1000 so i can manage to buy one this september. but even if im aiming for a P1000, im still excited to see the new samsung galaxy tab 10.1 at retail outlets.
crap. i dont have the money to buy one. actually....if i really, really want it, i have enough money available to get one but if something unexpected happens (like catching the dengue fever), im going to be draining my savings and putting myself back somewhere near my financial position last year. almost bankrupt.
since May, ive been having a lot of expected and unexpected expenses (in addition to paying some of the bills). i thought i wont be spending as much in June, july and august but, well, medical concerns arose and medication is really expensive. then there's my big appetite and my very picky tongue that favors expensive food (i guess this is why i volunteered to be the one in charge of buying groceries). plus my weekly trip to the cinemas to watch as much movies i can in my movie list for 2011 (right now, im not sure if i can manage to squeeze Cowboys and Aliens in my schedule this week).
going back to tablet talk, do i really need the 10 inch samsung tablet? or am i good with just the 7 inch model, the P1000? when i take a closer look, i prefer the 7inch model with its SMS support (so it can serve as the 3rd phone that i think i need) and card slot (thus allowing its memory to be expandable up to 32gig in addition to its internal storage). my only problem with it is its Android Froyo 2.2 OS. it would have been perfect if it had Android Honeycomb v3.0. it would be nice to have a bigger screen but im after portability and i think the 7inch screen would suffice to accomplish "emergency" office work (like urgent emails, last minute editing on pleadings or legal memos, urgent research work, etc.). i can go anywhere, anytime without much worries because i can do my work wherever i go. this is something a laptop was supposed to accomplish but with the current standards, its not portable enough. its not as convenient as having a tablet PC. its not that the laptop is going to be replaced by the tablet PC anytime soon (the same way the desktop PC is not necessarily obsolete. there are instances where the desktop PC is still necessary and a laptop can't possibly replace it anytime soon) but having both makes things more efficient and convenient.
the P1000 is good enough to address my office needs. and i dropped the kindle off my gadget list because it can serve as an ebook reader as well (but it cant be just a replacement to an ebook reader since the price gap is really big). it seems that i really dont have a good reason to go for the samsung galaxy tab 10.1 except that its larger and has an OS specifically made for tablets. the features that i want are in the P1000. hmm. did i just get excited for no reason? i hope there will be a further price drop in the P1000 so i can manage to buy one this september. but even if im aiming for a P1000, im still excited to see the new samsung galaxy tab 10.1 at retail outlets.
Friday, August 19, 2011
its time to clean my room
a mouse just jumped right in front of me, behind my laptop (while i was thinking of something to write about. now i have a topic thanks to that mouse). it came from underneath the book shelf above my desk. i had to check the shelf if there's a hole in it. i didnt see any. well, i didnt really try to look for a hole, i just gave it a simple check if there's any easily seen hole in it. after checking lazily, i didnt see any
i havent cleaned my room for at least...2 years? im not quite sure. but it seems ever since i started preparing for the bar exams, i never cleaned my room. when i say clean my room, i mean cleaning every inch of it except the walls and ceiling. i try to get rid of all the stuff i wont be needing. so after every clean up i have plastic bags of trash and dirt.
during college, i even re-arrange my room whenever i clean it. i try to make it more "efficient". i organize things in a way that the stuff i frequently use are easy to get, and stuff i just keep and dont use are placed in that part of the room where it would be least intrusive to my daily activities (now that i think about it, the only thing i do in my room nowadays is sit in front of my laptop and sleep. i do a lot more things in my room back then)
as i grew older, i got busier and the less time i had to clean my room. cleaning my room takes at least one day. like i said, i try to cover every inch of it. i also re-organize my stuff. so it takes me one entire day usually, sometimes two days.
since i clean my room less, there were times it got really toxic that i had to really clean it up as soon as possible. as of now, the toxicity of my room is starting to go beyond the tolerable level. the mouse just made me realize that its been some time since i checked my stuff that are placed inside drawers and shelves. and now that i look at my room, i have piles of reading materials from law school that i dont really need anymore. actually, 1/3 of my room is made up of reading materials. really dusty reading materials. crap. 1/3 of my room is made up of paper.
im going to use the long weekend next week for this clean up task.
i havent cleaned my room for at least...2 years? im not quite sure. but it seems ever since i started preparing for the bar exams, i never cleaned my room. when i say clean my room, i mean cleaning every inch of it except the walls and ceiling. i try to get rid of all the stuff i wont be needing. so after every clean up i have plastic bags of trash and dirt.
during college, i even re-arrange my room whenever i clean it. i try to make it more "efficient". i organize things in a way that the stuff i frequently use are easy to get, and stuff i just keep and dont use are placed in that part of the room where it would be least intrusive to my daily activities (now that i think about it, the only thing i do in my room nowadays is sit in front of my laptop and sleep. i do a lot more things in my room back then)
as i grew older, i got busier and the less time i had to clean my room. cleaning my room takes at least one day. like i said, i try to cover every inch of it. i also re-organize my stuff. so it takes me one entire day usually, sometimes two days.
since i clean my room less, there were times it got really toxic that i had to really clean it up as soon as possible. as of now, the toxicity of my room is starting to go beyond the tolerable level. the mouse just made me realize that its been some time since i checked my stuff that are placed inside drawers and shelves. and now that i look at my room, i have piles of reading materials from law school that i dont really need anymore. actually, 1/3 of my room is made up of reading materials. really dusty reading materials. crap. 1/3 of my room is made up of paper.
im going to use the long weekend next week for this clean up task.
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
i need to get new alarm tones
i have to change my customized cellphone alarm tone every other day or every three days. if my ears get used to the alarm, it develops some kind of "immunity" from the alarm tone and my ears fail to transmit the sound to my brain. the next thing i know, i already overslept.
i like sleeping too much that my self is trying to find ways not to disrupt my sleep. back in high school, i just had one alarm clock and its alarm tone couldnt be changed. that was enough. i didnt oversleep. well, i also had insomnia then (that lasted for months) so i barely slept when the alarm goes off or i didnt manage to sleep at all.
now, i use my two cellphones as alarm clocks and i need a specific ringtone that would wake me up. the ringtone must be something my ears will easily pick up and will penetrate my "dreamy state". even if my phones are just a foot away from my bed (sometimes, just a foot away from my ear), if its not a good alarm tone, i really wont hear it or my ears make sure the sound wouldnt register in my brain.
the role of my first cellphone is to wake me up a bit (so this has to be the "stronger" alarm tone). that way, i would be able to hear the second cellphone's alarm tone go off (this alarm tone is the one which somehow brings me to my senses). so every morning, im like warming up for the waking up stage with two alarm tones going off in succession, in at least 15 minute intervals (i usually go for 30mins). and i dont wake up when the two phones go off. i constantly reset it based from the level of work i have for the day. if im busy, i will reset the alarm to ring again in 10-15 minutes. if im not that busy, i could reset it to a full hour. the interesting part is, i dont hit the snooze button. so the cellphone alarm will keep ringing in intervals until i finally decide to wake or finally get tired of resetting it. so its like an ongoing "negotiation" every morning between my sleepy self and my persistent cellphones (to wake up now or wake up a little bit later). it also forces me think about my day ahead. although i already have an idea the night before how busy i will be for the day, my perspective changes once my subconscious self enters the picture. it asserts its decision making self and try to convince my conscious self (during my half-conscious state where the two meet) whether i need to wake up early or later, whether i can afford another hour of sleep or only 15 minutes more. this is how difficult it is for me to wake up in the morning.
the last time i didnt have problems waking up was way back in 2009. ever since, i always had problems getting out of the bed (an exception would be sleeping in places other than my bed. i easily wake up in new and unfamiliar environments). of course, this morning routine only applies when i dont have anything out of the ordinary planned for the day.
i like sleeping too much that my self is trying to find ways not to disrupt my sleep. back in high school, i just had one alarm clock and its alarm tone couldnt be changed. that was enough. i didnt oversleep. well, i also had insomnia then (that lasted for months) so i barely slept when the alarm goes off or i didnt manage to sleep at all.
now, i use my two cellphones as alarm clocks and i need a specific ringtone that would wake me up. the ringtone must be something my ears will easily pick up and will penetrate my "dreamy state". even if my phones are just a foot away from my bed (sometimes, just a foot away from my ear), if its not a good alarm tone, i really wont hear it or my ears make sure the sound wouldnt register in my brain.
the role of my first cellphone is to wake me up a bit (so this has to be the "stronger" alarm tone). that way, i would be able to hear the second cellphone's alarm tone go off (this alarm tone is the one which somehow brings me to my senses). so every morning, im like warming up for the waking up stage with two alarm tones going off in succession, in at least 15 minute intervals (i usually go for 30mins). and i dont wake up when the two phones go off. i constantly reset it based from the level of work i have for the day. if im busy, i will reset the alarm to ring again in 10-15 minutes. if im not that busy, i could reset it to a full hour. the interesting part is, i dont hit the snooze button. so the cellphone alarm will keep ringing in intervals until i finally decide to wake or finally get tired of resetting it. so its like an ongoing "negotiation" every morning between my sleepy self and my persistent cellphones (to wake up now or wake up a little bit later). it also forces me think about my day ahead. although i already have an idea the night before how busy i will be for the day, my perspective changes once my subconscious self enters the picture. it asserts its decision making self and try to convince my conscious self (during my half-conscious state where the two meet) whether i need to wake up early or later, whether i can afford another hour of sleep or only 15 minutes more. this is how difficult it is for me to wake up in the morning.
the last time i didnt have problems waking up was way back in 2009. ever since, i always had problems getting out of the bed (an exception would be sleeping in places other than my bed. i easily wake up in new and unfamiliar environments). of course, this morning routine only applies when i dont have anything out of the ordinary planned for the day.
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
life is all messed up but we'll survive
i was riding the LRT on my way home. i came from the SC for the 2nd half of the oral arguments. i had my earphones on, as usual. i listen to my mp3 player whenever i take long commutes (and when i roam around the mall alone or buy groceries so i wont be pestered by salespeople). even if i had my mp3 player on full blast, i still cant avoid hearing the conversation of a couple in their late teens standing beside me.
they were talking stuff appropriate for their age. problems appropriate for their age. humor appropriate for their age. concerns appropriate for their age. made me think how simple life was. actually, what i told myself during that time was "their innocence is annoying". i was irritated by their world view or the way they perceive their world. maybe im just envious that they can still take life lightly. of course i can still do that, take life lightly, but with what ive seen, learned and experienced, its difficult to just ignore how things are. i mean, im a lawyer and i cant turn a blind eye on things my profession should properly address. we have duties and responsibilities like the doctors, engineers, etc. its not simply about earning a living but applying the knowledge weve gained even if it means not getting anything, monetary or in kind, in return.
back in college, i just took a course that would surely lead to a college degree and i really didnt give any thought on whether im going to apply it or what use i will have for it. im glad to realize that to a certain extent, i enjoyed my college life and didnt take things seriously. i dont even bother to figure out how i finished college. i just did. as for law school, i started taking it seriously when i was in my third year (and i stopped taking it seriously when i reached my fifth year).
going back to the kids (i comfortably refer to people ages 21 and below as kids), i hope they finish their studies and make the right decisions. life, aside from being unfair, will be harsh and difficult. i hope they dont end up needing the assistance of a lawyer.
they were talking stuff appropriate for their age. problems appropriate for their age. humor appropriate for their age. concerns appropriate for their age. made me think how simple life was. actually, what i told myself during that time was "their innocence is annoying". i was irritated by their world view or the way they perceive their world. maybe im just envious that they can still take life lightly. of course i can still do that, take life lightly, but with what ive seen, learned and experienced, its difficult to just ignore how things are. i mean, im a lawyer and i cant turn a blind eye on things my profession should properly address. we have duties and responsibilities like the doctors, engineers, etc. its not simply about earning a living but applying the knowledge weve gained even if it means not getting anything, monetary or in kind, in return.
back in college, i just took a course that would surely lead to a college degree and i really didnt give any thought on whether im going to apply it or what use i will have for it. im glad to realize that to a certain extent, i enjoyed my college life and didnt take things seriously. i dont even bother to figure out how i finished college. i just did. as for law school, i started taking it seriously when i was in my third year (and i stopped taking it seriously when i reached my fifth year).
going back to the kids (i comfortably refer to people ages 21 and below as kids), i hope they finish their studies and make the right decisions. life, aside from being unfair, will be harsh and difficult. i hope they dont end up needing the assistance of a lawyer.
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