last 2 hours and 8 minutes

the last day of august. finally. or is it too soon to write this? i mean, august still has 2 hours left to slap me in the face so hard it could break my neck.

anyway, compared to other augusts, this one was more passive. or maybe im just more vigilant? maybe im getting used to it? maybe its the rainy weather that made things tolerable?

the really unfortunate stuff that got to me were when the desktop PC crashed (based from my canvassing last weekend, i really am going to spend more than a month's salary for its replacement) and when my office pen broke (it broke while i was on the phone talking to an annoying client. and i was starting to get attached to that pen). there were also the unexpected expenses. there was a day when i was only planning to spend P35 for a korean ice cream but since it was not available and did not plan in case of its unavailability, as an alternative to the ice cream i craved (when i crave for something and i dont get it, i need something to replace it that would make me temporarily forget what im craving for), i ended up buying KFC's Tower burger and 8 pieces of california maki in a nearby japanese restaurant (and i was also planning to buy pizza! good thing my brother was there to stop me). and i had to buy snacks for my parents too since im going to eat the food i bought at home. so i spent around P500. from P35 to P500 (since last year, im blaming august for my sudden loss of control over myself. last year, i became addicted to SNSD and disrupted my study schedule. i dont regret it of course because somehow it made the bar exams bearable yet my sudden loss of discipline to study could have prevented me from passing the bar. fortunately, the bar exams were held on september so whatever i lost in august, my luck managed to make up for it during september). this is why there are times that i really need to have a plan. when i just do things, i really just do things.

so august 2011 was like carrying a bag full of bricks all month long while getting hit with small pebbles on my face. its annoying and burdensome yet tolerable. its not as terrible as the previous augusts. now im going to put down this bag of bricks and wear my lucky jacket by the time i wake up tomorrow, which hopefully, september brought.

my broken pen, which was given to me as a gift by my cousin and his fiancee (wife in less than 2 weeks) when i passed the bar exams (a simple gift and i really liked it). how can i clip it now?:

i guess its really not that bad

i get depressed when i lose a lot of money unexpectedly. or i lose it on unplanned things. not that ive been victimized by another pickpocket but im about to lose more than a month's salary in the next few weeks.

i need to buy a new desktop PC for my siblings. our desktop PC crashed recently (no surprise there. its august) and im forced to realize the fact that its time to get a new desktop PC. its more than a decade old. well, in a way, it is. my parents bought it way back in 1998 (after i angrily complained about the typewriter. i was in 3rd year highschool and i was really pissed whenever i made mistakes while typing) and i had it upgraded back in 2003 but it still makes use of some of its old parts. the piecemeal upgrades ive been giving it after 2003 are mostly hard disk upgrades. i think it started with a seagate 2gig hardisk in 1998. crashed around 2001 or 2002 (thanks to napster! i was addicted to downloading songs that i filled the hard disk to the point it has no other option but to crash). so i bought a 20gig hard disk to replace it. then added another hard disk after 2003 (cant remember when exactly). last hard disk upgrade was back in March of 2009. our desktop PC is still running on Pentium 4 and Windows XP SP2. well, was still running until it crashed.

anyway, if i reformat it, it really wont be that useful. my siblings are already having a hard time using it. its current specs arent meant for photoshop and other graphic design related software. just months ago, my brother had to wait 10 hours before the desktop PC managed to save (just to save) a 2-3minute...video file (or whatever its called) he was working on. i cant upgrade this PC anymore since its parts are no longer compatible with the current hardware. just a few years ago, the repair guy said its already difficult (if not almost impossible) to get the kind of RAM our desktop PC uses. 

since both my siblings are graphic designers or graphic artists or whatever they're called, i need to get a desktop PC with at least an Intel core i5 (so the laptop i bought for my sister earlier this year which makes use of an i3 is really barely enough). i dont think i can afford an i7. certainly i cant afford a Mac. i also need a motherboard (obviously), video card, a good amount of RAM and a better computer monitor (time to switch to LCD). i will also need to buy a new hard disk since the motherboard will make use of a SATA hard disk. all of our PCs hard disk are still IDE.

normally, i wouldnt be depressed to buy gadgets. but since i really dont have the money allocated for it, im not that enthusiastic. im already having difficulties saving up for a tablet. with this desktop PC purchase, i dont think i will be buying myself a tablet anytime soon (and i just tested a demo unit last tuesday! and was able to see the samsung galaxy tab 10.1). maybe its because im going to spend a lot and im not going to be the one who will be using it. i dont mind if im not going to use it as long as i wont be the one spending for it. i dont mind spending a lot as long as im the one who will be using it. or maybe because ive been bombarded with a lot of bad work-related news lately that even buying gadgets cant cheer me up.

eight days. just eight more days. well, hopefully, just eight more days.

i had a hearing in Mandaluyong earlier today. its my third time to attend the hearing for this particular case. forgetting the fact it was august, i didnt expect the unusual number of MRT commuters at the MRT station i go to. it took me 40 minutes before i got the much needed MRT ride.

with my luck on my side, my normal commute is usually hassle free. during times when i need it (so this doesnt happen all the time but during "crucial" times), the public transport i need luckily appears right before me like it was something scripted or orchestrated. i step out of the door of our house, walk a few meters and by the time i reach the street where i wait for the jeepney, the jeepney i need exactly stops right in front of me the moment i reach the "jeepney stop". i ride it, then upon reaching my destination, like the MRT for example, i buy my ticket, pass through the ticket gate and the MRT train appears. by the time i reach the yellow line, the train has stopped, the door opens and there's an available seat.  the commute goes smoothly and efficiently and as expected. thats why i consider it a science. my calculation for my commute time is usually off by only five minutes (so its plus minus five minutes from my estimate).

since its august, ordinary rules dont apply. well, ordinary rules that take luck into consideration dont apply. so i was late by 30 minutes for my court hearing. fortunately, and thank God for this one, my case was the second to the last case scheduled for today. so my case wasnt called until an hour later. but it was my first time to be late for a court hearing. and since i was late, i was rushing and flipping through my case file and texting our law office when i remembered that i need to take note of something (during this time, i didnt know what case number was being handled by the court so i was assuming that my case would be called anytime soon).

in the end, things turned out okay so im not complaining. its just that i was late for my court hearing and time was wasted. got tired because of it. ok, so i am complaining. but just a bit. and im expecting that tomorrow's court hearing might not go smoothly too.

i need to develop better financial management skills

holy shitload batman! the samsung galaxy 10.1 is now available! well, if im not mistaken, its available for those who had their units reserved the moment the first batch comes in. i think it will be available in retail stores by next week.

crap. i dont have the money to buy one. actually....if i really, really want it, i have enough money available to get one but if something unexpected happens (like catching the dengue fever), im going to be draining my savings and putting myself back somewhere near my financial position last year. almost bankrupt.

since May, ive been having a lot of expected and unexpected expenses (in addition to paying some of the bills). i thought i wont be spending as much in June, july and august but, well, medical concerns arose and medication is really expensive. then there's my big appetite and my very picky tongue that favors expensive food (i guess this is why i volunteered to be the one in charge of buying groceries). plus my weekly trip to the cinemas to watch as much movies i can in my movie list for 2011 (right now, im not sure if i can manage to squeeze Cowboys and Aliens in my schedule this week).

going back to tablet talk, do i really need the 10 inch samsung tablet? or am i good with just the 7 inch model, the P1000? when i take a closer look, i prefer the 7inch model with its SMS support (so it can serve as the 3rd phone that i think i need) and card slot (thus allowing its memory to be expandable up to 32gig in addition to its internal storage). my only problem with it is its Android Froyo 2.2 OS. it would have been perfect if it had Android Honeycomb v3.0. it would be nice to have a bigger screen but im after portability and i think the 7inch screen would suffice to accomplish "emergency" office work (like urgent emails, last minute editing on pleadings or legal memos, urgent research work, etc.). i can go anywhere, anytime without much worries because i can do my work wherever i go. this is something a laptop was supposed to accomplish but with the current standards, its not portable enough. its not as convenient as having a tablet PC. its not that the laptop is going to be replaced by the tablet PC anytime soon (the same way the desktop PC is not necessarily obsolete. there are instances where the desktop PC is still necessary and a laptop can't possibly replace it anytime soon) but having both makes things more efficient and convenient.

the P1000 is good enough to address my office needs. and i dropped the kindle off my gadget list because it can serve as an ebook reader as well (but it cant be just a replacement to an ebook reader since the price gap is really big). it seems that i really dont have a good reason to go for the samsung galaxy tab 10.1 except that its larger and has an OS specifically made for tablets. the features that i want are in the P1000. hmm. did i just get excited for no reason? i hope there will be a further price drop in the P1000 so i can manage to buy one this september. but even if im aiming for a P1000, im still excited to see the new samsung galaxy tab 10.1 at retail outlets.

its time to clean my room

a mouse just jumped right in front of me, behind my laptop (while i was thinking of something to write about. now i have a topic thanks to that mouse). it came from underneath the book shelf above my desk. i had to check the shelf if there's a hole in it. i didnt see any. well, i didnt really try to look for a hole, i just gave it a simple check if there's any easily seen hole in it. after checking lazily, i didnt see any

i havent cleaned my room for at least...2 years? im not quite sure. but it seems ever since i started preparing for the bar exams, i never cleaned my room. when i say clean my room, i mean cleaning every inch of it except the walls and ceiling. i try to get rid of all the stuff i wont be needing. so after every clean up i have plastic bags of trash and dirt.

during college, i even re-arrange my room whenever i clean it. i try to make it more "efficient". i organize things in a way that the stuff i frequently use are easy to get, and stuff i just keep and dont use are placed in that part of the room where it would be least intrusive to my daily activities (now that i think about it, the only thing i do in my room nowadays is sit in front of my laptop and sleep. i do a lot more things in my room back then)

as i grew older, i got busier and the less time i had to clean my room. cleaning my room takes at least one day. like i said, i try to cover every inch of it. i also re-organize my stuff. so it takes me one entire day usually, sometimes two days.

since i clean my room less, there were times it got really toxic that i had to really clean it up as soon as possible. as of now, the toxicity of my room is starting to go beyond the tolerable level. the mouse just made me realize that its been some time since i checked my stuff that are placed inside drawers and shelves. and now that i look at my room, i have piles of reading materials from law school that i dont really need anymore. actually, 1/3 of my room is made up of reading materials. really dusty reading materials. crap. 1/3 of my room is made up of paper.

im going to use the long weekend next week for this clean up task.

i need to get new alarm tones

i have to change my customized cellphone alarm tone every other day or every three days. if my ears get used to the alarm, it develops some kind of "immunity" from the alarm tone and my ears fail to transmit the sound to my brain. the next thing i know, i already overslept.

i like sleeping too much that my self is trying to find ways not to disrupt my sleep. back in high school, i just had one alarm clock and its alarm tone couldnt be changed. that was enough. i didnt oversleep. well, i also had insomnia then (that lasted for months) so i barely slept when the alarm goes off or i didnt manage to sleep at all.

now, i use my two cellphones as alarm clocks and i need a specific ringtone that would wake me up. the ringtone must be something my ears will easily pick up and will penetrate my "dreamy state". even if my phones are just a foot away from my bed (sometimes, just a foot away from my ear), if its not a good alarm tone, i really wont hear it or my ears make sure the sound wouldnt register in my brain.

the role of my first cellphone is to wake me up a bit (so this has to be the "stronger" alarm tone). that way, i would be able to hear the second cellphone's alarm tone go off (this alarm tone is the one which somehow brings me to my senses). so every morning, im like warming up for the waking up stage with two alarm tones going off in succession, in at least 15 minute intervals (i usually go for 30mins). and i dont wake up when the two phones go off. i constantly reset it based from the level of work i have for the day. if im busy, i will reset the alarm to ring again in 10-15 minutes. if im not that busy, i could reset it to a full hour. the interesting part is, i dont hit the snooze button. so the cellphone alarm will keep ringing in intervals until i finally decide to wake or finally get tired of resetting it. so its like an ongoing "negotiation" every morning between my sleepy self and my persistent cellphones (to wake up now or wake up a little bit later). it also forces me think about my day ahead. although i already have an idea the night before how busy i will be for the day, my perspective changes once my subconscious self enters the picture. it asserts its decision making self and try to convince my conscious self (during my half-conscious state where the two meet) whether i need to wake up early or later, whether i can afford another hour of sleep or only 15 minutes more. this is how difficult it is for me to wake up in the morning.

the last time i didnt have problems waking up was way back in 2009. ever since, i always had problems getting out of the bed (an exception would be sleeping in places other than my bed. i easily wake up in new and unfamiliar environments). of course, this morning routine only applies when i dont have anything out of the ordinary planned for the day.

life is all messed up but we'll survive

i was riding the LRT on my way home. i came from the SC for the 2nd half of the oral arguments. i had my earphones on, as usual. i listen to my mp3 player whenever i take long commutes (and when i roam around the mall alone or buy groceries so i wont be pestered by salespeople). even if i had my mp3 player on full blast, i still cant avoid hearing the conversation of a couple in their late teens standing beside me.

they were talking stuff appropriate for their age. problems appropriate for their age. humor appropriate for their age. concerns appropriate for their age. made me think how simple life was. actually, what i told myself during that time was "their innocence is annoying". i was irritated by their world view or the way they perceive their world. maybe im just envious that they can still take life lightly. of course i can still do that, take life lightly, but with what ive seen, learned and experienced, its difficult to just ignore how things are. i mean, im a lawyer and i cant turn a blind eye on things my profession should properly address. we have duties and responsibilities like the doctors, engineers, etc. its not simply about earning a living but applying the knowledge weve gained even if it means not getting anything, monetary or in kind, in return.

back in college, i just took a course that would surely lead to a college degree and i really didnt give any thought on whether im going to apply it or what use i will have for it. im glad to realize that to a certain extent, i enjoyed my college life and didnt take things seriously. i dont even bother to figure out how i finished college. i just did. as for law school, i started taking it seriously when i was in my third year (and i stopped taking it seriously when i reached my fifth year).

going back to the kids (i comfortably refer to people ages 21 and below as kids), i hope they finish their studies and make the right decisions. life, aside from being unfair, will be harsh and difficult. i hope they dont end up needing the assistance of a lawyer.

is cut and paste manual reblogging?

Last Words of a SONE to SNSD

The following is a blog/diary entry by a terminally ill SONE in July 2011, just weeks before SNSD’s solo concerts.

To: Girls’ Generation

You will probably never know who I am..
And you will probably never be able to read this.. ^^
But there’s someone who always diligently reposts my words so perhaps there is a chance.

I first saw you… September 2007… such a long time ago, right?
I bet you guys must also cringe at how you were back then…
Up until then, I had never been a fan of anything…
So how did I end up liking you so much?

I became addicted to cigarettes despite having been in ill-health
and I came to like you guys so much that I began to regret this,
When the first SONE fanclub membership was open… I wondered what the point of going that far would be.
To this day, I regret not joining… and last year, I could not because I came down with a sudden illness…
I regret so much that I couldn’t be more active in supporting you.
I realised too late how amazing it is to hang out with people, the SONE, who loved you and thought dearly of you as much as I did…
And 2008, when joy became horror… I had nobody to console or to be consoled by
But I stoically waited for you. And when it passed… and I saw the teaser for ‘Gee’
I cried silently.

Thank you.. Thank you so much.. Thank you for returning to our side..
But as you began your activities and I came to see you more often…
I began to forget to take care of my own body..

This would have been the first, and last, solo concert that I could have attended..
I’m sorry.. sorry that I don’t even have the strength to attend them now.

From the beginning to the end… I love you all… I wanted to see you…
I have never said “Right now, it’s Girls’ Generation” to you…
And so from now on, as long as my eyes are open and I still breathe, I will keep regretting…

I am not sad that I may have to go to America…
You guys are really famous now… no matter where I go, I can still hear news about you.

To you… I am just one of the hundreds of thousands of SONE…
In a concert arena, I am just one of the hundreds of SONE chanting for you…
On your birthday, I’m just one of the the hundreds of SONE writing letters to you…

Despite all that, I still like it all…
Because I feel your love…
I feel myself thinking so dearly of you, loving you…
Have I ever been a fan of anything this much in my life?
In the precious little time I have left, will I stop being this much of a fan ?
I don’t think so.

You know, even if I’m just one of
Hundreds of thousands… hundreds… I don’t mind.
SONE who say “I love you all forever”…
These really are the amazing people…
I don’t know if anyone else will see me like this, too…
But however I appear… but SNSD! You… all you need to know is this:
No matter where you are, no mater what you do…
We will be cheering you on.
Congratulations on your second solo concert… and I hope that you will stay healthy this year, too.

From,
a SONE among hundreds of thousands

Source: 내사랑단신님. (bestiz)
————-
This person successfully got the tickets to the concert, but was unable to attend. This was because they had to go to America on July 23rd for a last-chance medical treatment, with the SONE saying that this may be the end of the road.
We have not heard from them since.

I have been asked to spread this as wide as possible.
K-SONE are doing their part and spreading this post… so that SNSD can read the final words of a person who loved them so dearly and fulfill the dying wishes of a fellow SONE.

credits: bestiz, oniontaker@soshified.com, imwhywhy@twitter, dan4413jwfJUH@soshified.com, http://snsdkorean.com/

going back 365 days ago

its been one year, if im not mistaken, when i started getting addicted to SNSD.

if i remember correctly, by early august last year, i started browsing youtube videos of female celebrities i like, ranging from Audrey Hepburn to Megan Fox (opposite poles when it comes to acting), due to the intense boredom caused by the bar review.

one of the videos i checked out (or revisited, since this was the music video i watch to improve my mood since 2009) was Girls' Generation's Gee around August 10, 2010. it was only then that i learned and saw their music video "Oh". after that, my interest in the korean girl group just grew more and more and the next thing i know, i wasnt reviewing for the bar exams anymore.

well, i was still reviewing for the bar because it was already crunch time but i was spending my nights (from around 6pm onwards) watching various SNSD youtube clips until around 2am or even later. i dont know how i managed to finish my bar review but somehow i did. i remember always starting my day with a cup of coffee and three music videos before i start commencing reading any review material scheduled for the day. i also remember blaming august for ruining my review schedule because of my unexpected addiction to the girl group. i mean, i only had half a month to go before the first bar sunday and all of a sudden, i cant discipline myself to study. having something like watching youtube videos for hours wasnt covered by any review plan i had come up with. so i revised my review plan with only two weeks left so i can cover the crucial materials for the bar exams while still getting my fix. fortunately, im a person known for my speed. but still, i really cant remember how i managed to finish my bar review. what i remember are the times i sat in front of the laptop watching girls' generation youtube videos for hours and re-posting my favorite ones in another blog so i can easily watch it again.

a year has a passed and i dont think my infatuation junkie self will go away anytime soon. i still dont consider myself a fan because compared to most fans of the SNSD, my thing for SNSD is really nothing. their fans are really something. and its because of these fans that propelled the kpop girl group to where they are now.

coincidentally, it was august last year when they started doing their japan promotions and released their japanese version of their music video TMYW (Genie). just when i was starting to like them, they were already moving to japan to increase their influence after dominating south korea's music scene. this is the video my friend saw me watching in my hotel room during one of the saturdays before the bar exams. i was watching downloaded music videos to relax me a bit. he thought they were japanese because the song is in japanese.

movie day

watched Rise of Planet of the Apes at SM north then i watched the Korean movie Hello Ghost when i got home. i liked both. so far im managing to watch most of the movies in my 2011 movie list.

Rise of Planet of the Apes is a nice prequel. not sure if this is going to be another film series but with the way the film was done, its seems very likely. i like this kind of science fiction films. with the positive response people are giving it, i dont think it will suffer the same fate of other films which were supposed to be the first installment of a series but no sequels were made due to poor box office performance.

as for Hello Ghost, i thought it was some rip-off of Ghost Town which starred Ricky Gervais (i remember seeing a portion of Ghost Town on HBO and then decided to rent it because i found it interesting. that was when there was still a nearby Video City at Matalino. whenever i see something i like on HBO, i rent it so i can watch it on my preferred time. now, im forced to add HBO's movie schedule on my schedule so i can watch what i want to watch). after watching it, i would say, not really. it makes use of the same concept of a guy who died for a few minutes and when he wakes up, he can see and interact with ghosts. the ghosts then ask the guy to do something for them. there's also a love story element in both films. but the ending is what really makes the two films different. the movie right from the beginning up to few minutes before its ending was very average. its really the ending that saved it. if i were to choose, i like Hello Ghost better because the ending has the effect of making the movie in its entirety better. its like Il Mare (the original version and much better version of The Lake House which starred Keanu Reeves and Sandra Bullock).

with movie day done, its time to sleep and start writing the position paper tomorrow.

just pulled an all nighter. sort of

my cousin called me around 11:30pm last night asking me if i could go with her to visit a friend who was brought to the hospital. she was bringing me along because the incident might need the help of a lawyer. got home around 5am.

when i got home, i slept. then i woke up around 8am to text a client that i wont be in the office until around 10am. then i slept again. i need my sleep. i wont be able to function without sleep. managed to go to the office around 10:30am. worked until 4pm but i slept for 30 minutes during lunch.

i havent had such a late night to early dawn activity for so long. ive forgotten how and what the city looks like after 2am. whenever i go for a drink, i dont stay out later than 2am. although recently, ive gone out around 4am to go somewhere, its not the same as staying up all night.

i was supposed to watch a movie tonight but since i wasnt able to get enough sleep and i feel really tired, i will have to reschedule it this weekend.

if i had a death note when i was in grade school, she would certainly be in it

i remember back when i was in third grade, my teacher absolutely hated me. and she didnt hide it. what made things worse was that she was my class adviser. so it was my first time that no one defended me before my other teachers.

from prep to 2nd grade, i remember my mother telling me that my class adviser was happy that i always get high grades. unfortunately, i was too talkative and hyperactive and these traits annoyed all my other teachers (for some reason, my math teachers lost their patience too quickly. my first grade math teacher threw the chalkboard eraser at me). so my mother would tell me that my class adviser is requesting that i try to behave during class so she wouldnt have to defend me before the other teachers who might grade me unfairly just because i was too noisy during class. that changed when i reached third grade, when i became my class adviser's enemy number one.

my third grade class adviser hated me so much that when i snatched the top spot in class during the first quarter, she announced to the class that they study harder so i wouldnt be number one. well, no one managed to get my top spot. the announcement just motivated me to annoy her

whenever i recite then and got the correct answer, she always try to insert some insults. most of the time, regarding my physical appearance (that im dark-skinned, ugly, skinny, primitive looking, etc). when she realized that its not affecting me at all (i valued my brain, not my physical appearance), she decided not to call me during recitation. that way, she wont have to give me points. well, i outsmarted her one time. she asked a question which i really, really want to answer (what volcano can be found in albay?). knowing she wont call me if i raised my hand, i pretended to be not paying attention. i looked out the window and acted i was watching the students playing at the basketball court. since no one else knows the answer, she decided to call me seeing that i appear to be not paying attention. the moment she asked me, i quickly gave her the correct answer. annoyed, she said i was correct and then added that if i look out the window again, she will hang me on the basketball ring. i easily ignored her comment. what was important to me was that i managed to trick her into calling me.

it seems what my parents and teachers told me is true

veggies are good. although i cant say im healthier (since ive been sick a lot lately. thats why my body is clamoring for exercise). but i can see its good effects and benefits.

just learned about the Meatless Monday/Luntiang Lunes campaign earlier today when i overheard some program on TV.

the campaign reminded me of my meat-free lunch from Monday to Friday. i started doing this around mid-May so im now entering my third month. i think i was able to do this meat-free lunch during weekdays 98% of the time. 1% of the time i ate meat because food was provided for. my meat-free lunch only applies when i buy my own lunch. the other 1% is when im really not in the mood for veggies so i add a little meat to my lunch so it would end up half veggies, half meat. even if its been months, i still dont like eating veggies most of the time. it just so happens that i told myself i should start increasing my consumption of vegetables (because i was really starting to feel the pain of being unhealthy). and im starting to like meat less. there are days when i really dont like to eat meat and i prefer eating veggies. but that doesnt happen usually. there are weeks when i eat only veggies for two consecutive days. 

im amazed that i was able to last this long, eating only veggies for lunch during office days.  but even with the increased veggie consumption, im still a meat-loving creature.

the girl with an eye smile like no other

dear august 2011

so august we meet again.

well, were about to meet again in an hour (hopefully, im already sleeping by then). my normal luck will shut itself down for a month and i will have to deal with life, with its nasty tricks, without any help from the universe. to make things worse, mercury will go retrograde.

much as i dont want to meet you every year, i know i have to. not because youre an inevitability but because i have assigned your purpose. i grew up being treated by some people as that boy no one likes. its not that i was an outcast. far from it. i had really good friends. friends that really stayed with me through thick and thin. i had a very good and happy childhood (life was beatiful then). but being the hyperactive sociable kid (with the tendency to be greedy), i wanted to be liked by all. and everyone knows no one can win them all. being able to get good grades year after year doesnt mean all my teachers will like me. being sociable and friendly doesnt mean i can be friends with everyone or with anyone. and being related to my relatives doesnt mean im going to be accepted and treated like one. i had a hard time gaining some of my teachers' acknowledgement that im a good student (i was too noisy, too hyperactive, too annoying for some. some of my class advisers got tired of defending me from other teachers). i didnt become friends with a lot of classmates simply because i really cant be friends with each and everyone of them (but i always exerted an effort to reach out and then obviously, rejected because im not really their type. i was a dark and skinny kid. yeah, ive been discriminated against). and i had a difficult time getting most of my cousins' trust and approval (i was too talkative and i was also the youngest then so i got treated how most people treat the youngest in any group...the kid you pick on or the one that you cant relate to because he's too young. so i felt i always got left out and i dont belong).

its because of these experiences that motivated me to push myself forward and to become dependent on myself. i learned then that i dont need teachers to prove my intellectual worth. i dont need friends to feel secure about myself. and i dont need relatives to feel that im part of something or i have to be part of something. i dont really need anyone to be happy. this statement eventually became "i dont need happiness". thus, i became that emotionless silent type who doesnt care about anything except himself. but over the years, i loosened up a bit, softened up a bit, because of some good (and patient) friends and relatives who changed thanks to the maturity brought by age. in a way the "positive" change in me was a good thing but at the same time the change gets in the way of self-improvement. the change made me "weak".

thats where you, my dear august, comes in. being the only month (usually), thats harsh on me, ive decided to harness your cruelty to motivate myself and push myself forward (because thats how ive been programmed. i need negative stuff to do something positive. receiving positive stuff only makes me complacent). ive been on a slump for years and ive been trying to pull myself together but cant. so instead of doing my usual "preparing for the worst" attitude every august, im going to take it a bit further and try to capitalize on whatever shit you throw at me. of course, im not going to ask you to bring your worst. honestly, i really would like to take a break because im tired. even if ive had the other 11 months treating me "nicely" compared to you, its been a really tiring year. actually, since 2008, things started becoming tiring (i still have that 2008 birthday card that wished that i could get the much needed rest). and i expect it to be more tiring over the coming years. so i would have to toughen myself up the way i used to do and that is now your purpose august. so far youve never failed to ruin stuff for me lately (lately means past few years) so im going to expect you to be the usual irritating month that brings me a series of unfortunate events.

Echo used to have a different meaning to me when i was in college

my sister asked me how come i dont use the PS3 to play games. she noted that 75% of the time i use it to watch videos of Girls' Generation.

like i said in one of my PS3 blog entries, what convinced me to buy the PS3 was that it can play .avi files. of course i was already persuaded to buy the video game console because of the wide selection and type of games that can played on the PS3 but what made me really want it is its capability to play movies and videos. sure i can watch the same videos on our LCD TV because it has a USB slot but i will have to keep on transferring and deleting the videos on my flash drive. with a PS3 with a 320gig hard disk, i can store it in the game console and play it anytime i want. i dont have to open my laptop, get a flash drive, copy the video and then plug it on the TV. in effect, i turned my PS3 into a media player with a video library.

it will take years before i manage to watch all the Girls' Generation videos available for download. aside from having hundreds of videos (ranging from TV programs, dramas, variety shows, reality shows, commercials, interviews, etc.), it takes time to download each video and i have a job so i can only watch it when i have free time. given my schedule, it will really take me years. and since they are still at their peak, more videos are added to their list of shows. of course, there will come a time i will get tired of it (im not like the hardcore fans who will readily answer "never" when asked if they will stop liking the girl group). i got tired of 50 First Dates (to a certain extent). i got tired of Sadako (didnt use my desktop wallpaper of her since 2004). i got tired of Pokemon (i was addicted to the Pokemon game on Nintendo Gameboy when i was in fourth year high school. no one noticed because no one expected a silent type to be playing it at home). i got tired of Mafia Wars and Cityville (hence i dont open my facebook account unless i cant think of anything else to do). i got tired of the other stuff i was addicted to that i dont even remember what they were. when that time comes, maybe i will start treating my PS3 like a video game console. but for now, these 9 angels will continue to echo in my brain and enjoy their videos stored in my PS3.

tragic third week of july

three dead relatives in 4 days. my father's brother died last wednesday (stroke), my father's cousin died last thursday (heart attack), and my second cousin on my father's side died last saturday (car accident).

i was supposed to go to catanduanes tonight to attend my uncle's wake but i really cant leave my work. even if im done with the important pleading (submitted it today), new stuff keeps cropping up and i still havent handled my work related "to do" backlog.

i managed to go to my other uncle's wake last saturday night. little did we know then that in a few hours, my second cousin will figure in a tragic car accident. i can still remember his father greeting me cheerfully when i went to our relative's wake and saying goodbye to me as i was about to leave. he even apologized to me for not being able to go to my thanksgiving party. he was absolutely clueless of the tragic news he was going to receive in a few hours that saturday night. i dont know the details yet but i can imagine him coming home from his cousin's wake to find out one of his sons is dead. its really tragic. i can discuss this stuff like this because im not really close to my relatives but i do consider them as family.

my paternal clan unexpectedly became busy attending wakes of relatives. it also makes my parents extremely worried with death lurking in our family in this manner. my father keeps calling from catanduanes to check if were safe. i dont think they have to worry about me. if my sense of foresight is as good as i think it is, there's nothing to worry about me for now. sure i can die anytime because of a heart attack or a stroke but i think dying for being at the wrong place at the wrong time (like being in a 7-11 store when robbers suddenly decide to rob the store and recklessly shoot customers) is more probable at this point of my life than health reasons. the most harm my health can give me right now is pain and discomfort (which is what it has been doing for quite some time now). i think a freak accident is a more probable cause of death too. what im trying to say is, given my current way of life, its very unlikely for me to die of common causes of death (vehicular accidents, fatal health stuff, etc.).

if life would like to try to be funny, it would contradict me and im going to die in my sleep and this would be my last blog post. the good thing about it is, i dont have to go to work. the bad thing about it is...if i just knew, i would have used up my money on stuff and didnt save any. but i dont think im going to worry about that when im dead. but if i do die now or in the near future, at least im back on the path i once took where i dont have regrets. or at least i think im back to having some sense of contentment.

my laptop was nice enough to scare me

i have a pleading that's due tomorrow. this pleading is so important to me that i invested a lot of time handling it compared to my Supreme Court petitions. i went out of my way to do extra research and even spent my own money for miscellaneous expenses. i had a draft of the pleading printed last friday and did some proofreading at KFC matalino for some final corrections (im too lazy to go to Burger King Timog given the rainy weather. i was informed that Mcdonalds Matalino will be under renovation for four months. crap. im left with KFC Matalino which isnt even half as good as Mcdonalds in every aspect. KFC matalino is open 24 hours and has wifi but i cant plug my laptop to an electrical socket simply because they dont have any for customers (according to their cashier). and the level of service is simply inefficient. and i dont think their coffee is good. so i bought coffee at 7-11 and then brought it with me to KFC. the only good thing about KFC is the chicken. i think everything else sucks. i think thats why i like Mcdonalds and Burger King, they dont only focus on the quality of their food but the other needs of their customers. and i digress).

after doing some proof reading i headed home. when i got home, i thought of making the corrections later since im not in the mood to continue working. i decided to do other stuff like updating the ringtones of my siblings' phones (i either get them a bunch of new ringtones or i make their requested customized ringtones from songs they like). i do the file transfers between phones and computers since i dont want our computers and cellphones to be infected by viruses and other malicious software. my laptop is the only computer which has an updated anti-virus. the other two computers have outdated ones (which i need to add to my "things to do" list since my siblings arent good with installing "good" software).

anyway, i think my laptop sensed im procrastinating so it decided to have its screen turn black to give me a scare. when it did that, i thought "what the? seriously? why does shit like this happen right before something really important? machines have the knack for breaking down on deadlines". it seems life and computers have conspired against crammers and procrastinators. good thing i have a good sense of foresight. i have an online back-up of my pleading due tomorrow and a copy in my flash drive in case for some reason, i have no internet access. but even with the back-up copies, it will make things inconvenient without my laptop. i still have lots of minor corrections to do.

instead of panicking, i tried to analyze what could have caused the problem. i checked if its lights were still on. the power button light was still on so it meant it didnt switch itself off (like when it overheats). the wifi indicator was also still on and its other indicator was blinking so it meant the laptop was still running. the fact its not the blue screen of death meant its not some error in the operating system. so i thought the only thing left was the screen itself. there's something wrong with the LCD screen. since i still remember what was on the desktop before the screen went black, i somehow managed to navigate through the screen and switch itself off. since its an LCD screen problem, i can plug it to the LCD TV and just continue my work there (now i dont regret buying a VGA cable for the LCD TV). but when i plugged my laptop to the LCD TV, it worked fine again.

because of the little scare/trick my laptop did, i was forced to finish my work early. now i just hope it wont do the same thing tomorrow when im about to print my finished pleading. i also hope the office printer wont malfunction because it will be quite expensive to print fifty plus pages. ive already spent a lot for this pleading.

reminds me of grade school dance presentations

somehow the choreography for this song felt a bit different from the choreography of their other songs. this one takes me back to the 90s (late 80s/early 90s, especially the dance move at 1:55). i think their dance moves for this song are heavily influenced by that decade.  im thinking this one was made by a different choreographer since it makes use of dance moves that aren't as original or trendy as the choreography for their other songs. 

if only i could be this motivated in planning the pleading im currently writing

watched the final Harry Potter movie last sunday. we (me and my siblings) were supposed to watch it next week because my brother said he has stuff to do last sunday. but my brother wanted to watch it so badly that he worked on what he was supposed to do last saturday night. come sunday morning, he said he was already free to watch the movie.

ever since the first harry potter movie, i knew there will be long lines. i even experienced watching a harry potter movie under SRO conditions (i used to have the habit of watching movies again if i really liked it. the last time i watched a movie a 2nd time while it was still showing in cinemas was TF2). given that the harry potter movie is not just any movie due to the long lines it creates, when my brother told me he is free to watch the movie that sunday morning, i knew we need to have a plan. i always make plans for this kind of movies. getting a good seat is very important. were not supposed to be seated at the side of the cinema (if im in charge of buying the movie tickets, getting seats located at the side of the cinema is unacceptable). i always get the middle seats of the middle portion of the cinema. and the distance from the screen must be just right (not too near, not too far). i always aim for the best seat in the cinema whenever i watch a movie (and i always try to bring a jacket in case the cinema is too cold. i dont want to be distracted by the room temperature). getting good seats isnt a problem for most movies but for insanely successful movies, the only time one can easily get good seats is when the movie has been released for weeks. that's why i was willing to watch the last harry potter movie next week so it would be easy to get good seats. but since my siblings wanted to watch it already, we need to be at the mall premises before 10am not only to avoid the long lines but also to be able to pick the good seats.

aside from getting there early, i had to check which cinema has the most available seats before we line up. i checked the available seats online and found out which cinema we should aim for (and which cinema we should pick next in case the good seats are already taken). i could have made an online reservation but since i havent tried it yet, there is the possibility of unforeseen error due to my lack of experience in making online purchase of tickets and seat reservations. i didnt want to take that chance and be disturbed by an unfortunate event while i watch the movie. with a particular cinema in mind, we went to the mall and got there 5 minutes before the mall opened. it was good to know that my watch is still attuned to the time the mall opens (my watch is exactly 20 minutes ahead of the mall time). as we were walking towards the mall entrance, i instructed my brother to line up at the movie ticket booth at the main building while im going to line up at the building where the digital 3D cinema is located (in case the ticket booths dont open at the same time). i told him that it is impossible for both of us to be the first person in line because there's always someone who will get there faster. i told him this because he joked that we were preparing too much so we might as well anticipate if both of us are first in line. since i know that the probability of that happening is very low, i didnt bother using some brain cells to anticipate such a situation.

anyway, the mall opened, people rushed in and more than half of this people started heading to the movie ticket booths. i ended up as the 10th person in line. my brother said he was also tenth in line. but given that my line is being served by two counters simultaneously, im going to reach the counter much faster so i told him to leave his line. when it was my turn at the counter, all i had to do is say the particular cinema, check if the seats are available and then purchase the tickets. my transaction was supposed to take only 30 seconds but the girl at the counter had problems processing my payment. such an inefficient creature.

with the movie tickets acquired, now comes lunch. since the movie will start around lunch time, we had to eat our lunch at least one hour before noon. that too should be planned well. we need to find a place which can serve our lunch quickly (or with the least probability of delay) and we must be able to finish our lunch in 30 minutes in order for us to have sufficient time to buy chips, popcorn and drinks. when we watched KP2, we failed to choose the right place to eat dinner so we werent able to claim our free popcorn for the movie because  by the time we reached the cinema (which was 5 minutes before the movie starts because of the delay caused by the restaurant), the line for the snack booth was so long it was impossible to claim it in 5 minutes (we were able to claim it after the movie. during the movie, i was thinking if i can miss 10-15 minutes of the movie so i can step out of the cinema to claim the free popcorn. so i was already distracted while watching the movie). given this experience, it should never happen again so i now take into account the lines at the snack booth and the time it takes for the meal to be served.

since i wasnt expecting to watch the last harry potter movie that sunday morning, my mind was racing trying to think and anticipate everything so that i can make sure that we wont have problems before we enter the cinema. i want to watch a movie without worries or be disturbed by prior unfortunate events. i dont want to feel rushed either before i enter the cinema.

thats how i am...or how i can be whenever i take my movie time seriously.