Seo JooHyun

three cities, three resettings

i have three scheduled hearings this week and strangely, all were reset.

my first scheduled hearing this week was last monday morning in caloocan. the week started great since it was raining. i didnt really mind if i was wearing three layers of clothing as long as its cold. i didnt care if i get mud on my shoes as long as its cold. anyway, my court hearing there was reset because the judge wasnt available. he had some medical concerns to attend to which is understandable because of his age. i was glad to hear of the resetting because this case was recently assigned to me and it was my first time to attend it. this means im not familiar with the case yet.

as for my second scheduled hearing, which was yesterday afternoon in manila, i was constrained to postpone it because my witness was not available. again, medical reasons due to old age. unfortunately this time, there was no hint of rain. just the scorching heat of the merciless sun. i really hate warm to hot weather.

then my third scheduled hearing today in QC was similar to my court hearing yesterday. i requested for a resetting because my witness did not show up.

i didnt mind the resettings actually. it gave me time to rest since in between hearings, there's a lot of office work to be done (pleadings to be filed). but thats the sad thing about it, that court hearing resetting have turned into an opporunity to rest.

more rain!

well, at least a colder weather.

last night, i asked the heavens, "where are my rainy mornings?" like i was entitled to it. well, i woke up to a rainy morning and it was...good enough. i wanted rainy mornings because i want a colder weather but this morning, despite the rain, it was still annoyingly warm. i was even complaining during lunch that the rainy season is here but it still feels like summer. a wet and warm summer.

i really wish it was thirty times colder. of course, those who come from countries with colder climates would tell me that i have no idea what im asking for. sigh. i just really want a colder climate. i hate sweat and dehydration.

i should eat ice cream more often

while eating korean ice cream in front of a korean minimart, i saw an old man with a basketful of yema. he was selling it. i can imagine him waking up very early in the morning to prepare it. or maybe not. in any case, seeing him made me think. here's a man, selling a food item which isnt high on demand, walking from one street to another, under the intense heat of the sun or pouring rain, peddling his yema from one establishment to another, just to earn enough money to allow him to survive. or feed his family if he has one. he will probably earn, if he's lucky to sell any of his home made product, such amount that is almost equivalent to my lunch today. the cost of my lunch can feed him for an entire day. or even maybe a family of three.

life is unfair and life has its reasons. well, God has His reasons. but my atheist self is saying, isnt this proof there is no God? i call a part of myself as my atheist self, the one who prefers to be called as that someone filled with doubt rather than skepticism. i keep him around because he's useful and nice to talk to.

going back, life being unfair is not proof there is no God. it is proof how limited human comprehension is.
bullshit my atheist self retorts. how can God allow such inequality to exist? how can He allow such suffering?

i reply, but you only see things that are right in front of you. with so little information, how can you make a valid assessment of matters that go into running an entire universe? you dont know this man's past or his future. you dont know whether things will get better or worse for this man or whether he was previously better off. you only see a man selling something of little value, earning so little in order to continue struggling to survive and compare this so called poor man's life to someone who lives conveniently. how can you reduce God and His ways to something so simplistic?

atheist self answers its not simplistic. its a harsh reality and its a fact multiplied a million times over. its a global occurence in a God forsaken world.

i responded that multiplying it a million times over is oversimplifying matters. life is filled with shades of gray and there is an almost infinite number of external matters to take into consideration to make a valid assessment of how unfair life is. it is idiotic to put God in the picture when our tiny little brains cant even grasp matters beyond ourselves. we are confined by our senses, by our knowledge, by our biases, etc. to be able to validly argue about the existence or non-existence of God, to evaluate whether life is truly unfair, one must go beyond these mortal limitations and try to see the picture the way a god will see things.

convenient excuse my atheist self answers back. its an excuse to allow myself to sleep comfortably at night.

well, thats why there's faith. it tries to fill up what reason cant possibly supply. and thats why there's enlightenment. enlightenment makes you see the beauty hidden in this ugly world. once you see that beauty, once you see that, despite that man appears to be suffering, in the grand design or order of things, life is nevertheless beautiful and that man's existence, although unfortunate, has reason and purpose. and sometimes, a brief moment of intense of happiness is enough to last a lifetime. who are you to say that the man selling yema has not already experienced the time of his life and thus, "ahead" or more fortunate over millions of people living conveniently whose lives are haunted by an empty or guilt-filled existence? he could have found the love of his life and just being with her is enough. or just having a kid he can send to school is enough. happiness and contentment are relative. thus, seeing a man under such unfortunate conditions is not proof there is no God. inequalities have its purpose. and sometimes, we dont even fully grasp what inequality means. to simplify matters using such shallow comparisons is to insult the operation of the universe and God's wisdom. i dont think this is a "convenient excuse" to be able to sleep at night. its a way of seeing things and not being bound by common conceptions of God makes this plausible.

then i finished eating my ice cream, stopped thinking about non-law stuff and went back to the office.