Sorry V

"Night gathers and now my watch begins. It shall not end until my death. I shall take no wife, hold no lands, father no children. I shall wear no crowns and win no glory. I shall live and die at my post. I am the sword in the darkness. I am the watcher on the walls. I am the fire that burns against the cold, the light that brings the dawn, the horn that wakes the sleepers, the shield that guards the realms of men. I pledge my life and honor to the night's watch for this night and all the nights to come." - Night's Watch Vow

...eat, drink, and whore myself into an early grave. - Robert Baratheon

some friends have been trying to convince me to choose someone who will help me acquire...power. or at least, put me in a politically advantageous position. half a decade ago, i would have easily done so. i would do it in a heartbeat as long as there's a good reason to do it.

now, i find it difficult to see its benefit. or why i should still do it. because now, i know what makes me happy. or ive been made aware that someone close to what i want exists. i used to think that it's impossible to find so many traits i desired in one person. well, knowing she exists doesn't really help. i cant have her. there are a few things in life im certain of and one of them is that i cant have her. i knew right from the start that it's not meant to be. well, having feelings really clouds one's judgment and i ended up trying anyway, hoping im wrong. im never wrong. or at least no one has proven me wrong.

but despite what i feel or what i know or what i've become, i would like to believe i still am someone capable of doing it. just because.

Game of Thrones: Season 1, Episode 5 - The Wolf and the Lion

Robert Baratheon: We haven't had a real fight in nine years. Back-stabbing doesn't prepare you for a fight. And that's all the realm is now: back-stabbing and scheming and arse-licking and money-rubbing. Sometimes I don't know what holds it together.
Cersei Lannister: Our marriage.

Robert Baratheon: So here we sit, seventeen years later, holding it all together. Don't you get tired?
Cersei Lannister: Every day.
Robert Baratheon: How long can hate hold a thing together?
Cersei Lannister: Seventeen years is quite a long time.
Robert Baratheon: Yes, it is.
Cersei Lannister: Yes, it is.

Cersei Lannister: What was she like?
Robert Baratheon: You've never asked about her, not once. Why now?
Cersei Lannister: At first, just saying her name even in private felt like I was breathing life back into her. I thought if I didn't talk about her, she'd just fade away for you. When I realized that wasn't going to happen, I refused to ask out of spite. I didn't want to give you the satisfaction of thinking I cared enough to ask. And eventually it became clear that my spite didn't mean anything to you. As far as I could tell, you actually enjoyed it.
Robert Baratheon: So why now?
Cersei Lannister: What harm could Lyanna Stark's ghost do to either of us that we haven't done to each other a hundred times over?
Robert Baratheon: You want to know the horrible truth? I can't even remember what she looked like. I only know she was the one thing I ever wanted... someone took her away from me, and seven kingdoms couldn't fill the hole she left behind.
Cersei Lannister: I felt something for you once, you know?
Robert Baratheon: I know.
Cersei Lannister: Even after we lost our first boy. For quite a while, actually. Was it ever possible for us? Was there ever a time, ever a moment?
Robert Baratheon:No.