induced to reminisce

today wasnt just another ordinary day. not that it was extraordinary but just not too ordinary. it was like people from my past, distant and recent, made themselves felt or at least some things made me remind of people from my past (its like something that you read from a horoscope).

sometime this morning, got a phone call from someone saying she's from the office of alumni affairs of claret school (or something to that effect). she was updating the contact details so it would be easier to inform us if there's a homecoming or something like that. she also mentioned that she just called a highschool batchmate of mine, frederick tolentino, who is also in law school. she then asked whether i could give her the contact details of some of my highschool batchmates. unfortunately, the only way i keep in touch with my highschool friends is through yahoo messenger (like ordz/patrick and orland/oj) so that would be no use to her. orland gave me their new landline but he's in japan. so that wont count either. so i really cant refer her to anyone. she also mentioned my previous cellphone number, asking if it was still my number. it was 09195519424. i only used that number for a few months. i remember switching to 09193643380 by april 2000. and by june 06, 2006, i switched to my current globe number.

as the day went by, the focus went from highschool to gradeschool when carmin texted a nice forwarded message (i was in the library studying when i got the message, wow, im studying! just wanted to insert that...intentional digression). classmates from SVS are the only ones i get in touch with recently. ive lost contact with my SSA classmates (although ive received friendster messages from them, the last one was already months ago). actually, carmin is the one left that i have constant contact with, through exchanges of forwarded messages. speaking of forwarded messages, i remember i had textmates. and when i say textmates, i mean, real textmates. people i have never met but only thru text (i still remember some of them, one is jocelyn from zamboanga, teresa who says she's from miriam college, and this girl from OLGM. im not sure if the first two were being honest about their personal info, and i just hope they really were females and not some gay dude (no offense to those who might get offended) but the third one was really from OLGM, a highschool batchmate knows her and i have no idea how we became textmates). i stopped having textmates around 2nd year college. since then, i stopped being a textmate type of guy. i still forward...ummm..forwarded messages from time to time, especially when im doing nothing and a lot of load credits.

from gradeschool, we shift to college. nikki was in UP to do her thesis research. it was nice to see a college blockmate again, and i havent seen my college blockmates for quite some time now. also, mark texted me regarding chris benoit's death. tragic thing happened to the guy. anyway, going back to my college blockmates, it seems that things have changed since we graduated 3 years ago. there are good things as well as bad things. also, those in ateneo law will graduate next year. of course they will say its not a sure thing because, like mark said in his text message, its still a rough road ahead but i really hope all of them makes it and eventually pass the bar. they deserve it, they've worked their asses off just to get to where they are right now.

so there. that's the not so ordinary day. i wonder if im going to meet people from my future. how can that be possible? i dont know. gut feel? usually when i have a gut feel, it happens or its true. i havent had them gut feels for about a year now.

stupidity is the best policy

have i reached my limit? it seems like im no longer improving on anything, like i stopped evolving or something. i feel like im no longer learning anything substantial. when i read my blog entries, i say to myself, "im like de-evolving! these entries could be written by a high school student!" when i read the papers, i tell myself, "how come i cant write like them! i should be writing stuff near their level!" that's one reason i started blogging, thinking i was just rusty. i thought i needed some constant practice. but i dont seem to be improving. now, when i write a paper and compare it the ones i wrote in college, what i usually do after writing it is swear and mutter some profanities. why? its like im having some kind of retardation! my college papers were better, and i found them easier to write back then. now, its a struggle to merely think of an idea that i could write about. i think i took mediocrity too much. im even having trouble with my grammar and from time to time with my spelling. that wasnt the case three to four years ago. back then it was very easy to study. i dont even need highlighters or notes. i dont use notebooks back in college, if someone saw me with a notebook, it was merely a prop, pretending that im listening or i use it to make some doodles to keep me awake (so when i say that the stuff i carry are merely props, im not joking, until know, i carry lots of stuff but i really dont use them...some of them anyway). i absorbed easily what i read back in college. i even did some extra reading in the library on Marx and Nietzsche and other books that weren't assigned by any of the subjects i was taking. now, im just this stupid, absentminded, careless, loser, psycho loner! i dont mind looking like that as long as i have the same intellectual capability i had before. i mean, i dont need to appear intelligent as long as i am intelligent. unfortunately, the case has turned into what you see is what you get! i dont know what happened, its like my brain cells are dying at an accelerated speed. i would like to think maybe its because of my blood illness which is said to affect higher brain functions (i dont even recall where i got that, whether i read it in an internet article or whether it was my doctor that informed me of that. although im sure it was my doctor who said that if my condition is in its aggravated stage or phase or whatever its called, i would feel like im floating or doing a man on the moon type of moonwalk). but, i dont want to think that's the reason for this sort of retardation im experiencing. with the kind of thinking i already have, i might abuse the idea that my illness makes me dumb. so i guess i will try to just study harder, triple the effort. not sure if that will work. if im no longer absorbing stuff, its like a waste of time and energy. but still, i should try right? i just feel so stupid.

just another day in the life...

the last 24 hours really sucked. 24 hours ago, more or less (around midnight or close to midnight), i was starting to study for my wednesday classes. after finishing 3 pages of a pile of cases im supposed to read, the lights went out. why? power outage! and my PC was running! ok, that would just worsen my PCs hard drive. so, i started to wait for the power to kick back in. about an hour later, i learned from my uncle (he called meralco minutes after the power went out) the power outage was due to a scheduled maintenance or repair being conducted by the electric company. how come we didnt know about it? apparently, we dont know where they announce it. well, since it was scheduled, they also knew when the power will be back, and well, they said it will be back by 6am. ok, that's a lot of time lost for me to study (yeah right...actually i was really in the mood to study that night...so was it a sign from God that i shouldnt study?...no, it was not) and it also meant a sleepless night because, well, even if its supposed to be the rainy season, its still soooo hot!

anywany, electricity was back by 6am (on my cellphone clock, i was four minutes behind, so when i checked the time, it was 5:56am). since i barely slept, i decided to take a two hour sleep. then, a few minutes before my two hour sleep ended, jason called, asking me to print a PIL assigned article. no problem, if its important, i dont mind. so i switched on the PC after hanging up. and since the PC was running when the power went out, it had to do its scan disk to check the hard drive for errors. and since i knew it was going to take some time, i decided to take a quick nap while waiting. and since i didnt have much sleep, the quick nap turned into another two hour sleep. good thing my mother asked why im still sleeping. thats when i realized that ive lost more time...again. so, i got out of bed, printed the article which was 57 pages long. minutes later, the printer for some reason stopped printing after around 20 pages. thats the first time it did that. it just switched itself off for no reason at all. i had no idea what was wrong with it. so for a few minutes, i tried figuring out what was wrong with it. i could use the other printer, since we have two printers, but unfortunately, i was out of black ink. and it doesnt print in black with its colored ink. anyway, while trying to figure out, i noticed the pages i printed were 20 pages of footnotes! crap! so i had to check the article and found out that it was only 25 pages long without the footnotes! ok, that was stupid. and it was a good thing the printer had its weird malfunction or i would have wasted ink on the damn footnotes! when i got the printer working again, printed the article and off i went...to school. thats one obstacle down, a few more to go.

my class, i thought was at 5pm. as usual, i was wrong, it was at 4! i was in malcolm hall, law library, by 1230, with a pile of cases (about more than an inch of readings, i think). how the crap am i supposed to finish all of it by 4pm? well, i cant, so i had to read it quickly and finish as many as i could, without really absorbing what im reading. what's the point of doing that, right? well, i do it hoping that i might pick up something along the way (its like the more the better, quantity over quality). i did pick up things along the way but it wasnt enough to save my ass on my recitation for my second class (wasnt called to recite on my first class). so i was called , and was asked "what's the importance of making a distinction between a public utility and a non-public utility?" i dont even know what a public utility means! i havent read a single codal provision, all i read were the cases. that sucked. so, i had a problem putting into words what i think the reason a distinction should be made because it was like trying to define a public utility and a non-piublic utility based from how i personally know it. which of course is not the correct answer because it must have its basis, or at least emanating, from codal provisions. so i looked like an idiot, again, for the nth time. good thing im already used to looking like an idiot, and i dont mind because i am an idiot (like that adam sandler line from billy madison: "Sometimes I feel like an idiot. But I am an idiot, so it kinda works out. ") . anyway, while i was doing this blog, my clothes rack behind my door where i hang my pants just broke. nice. cant fix it tonight. what a way to end the day. and this is just an average day. not an everyday thing but it happens very often. actually this day is considered good compared to days that fall under august, my worst month of the year, where nothing goes right no matter what, where every turn has an unpleasant surprise.

tagablog...tagalog blog...ok, its not funny

what the? the have blogger in tagalog now? not that i have anything against my national language...wait its not called tagalog anymore right? if i remember correctly back in grade school its Pilipino is the dialect, and Filipino is the person. doesnt seem right. or is it tagalog again? anyway, i dont like opening my blog dashboard and reading it in tagalog. not that its awkward, i just dont like it. except for one of my blogs which is my tagalog blog (which i rarely use and update...should really work on that). not that i dont love my country or my language but seeing the blog in tagalog...its something i have to adjust to.

unfair!

got pissed last friday. my mother told me that my brother had a classmate or schoolmate whose dreams were crushed by their own school. my brother is in his fourth year so he's already applying to get into a good university or college. anyway, last friday, my family were talking about the UPCAT. and then my mother told me about my brother's schoolmate or classmate, not sure which one, for sure batchmate. this schoolmate of his already had an UPCAT application form since this recent summer (obviously). and what pissed me off is that their school, their highschool, rejected my brother's schoolmate's application! why? the schoolmate had a line of 7 in his or her grades (not sure, again obviously, whether the schoolmate's a guy or girl). that's absurd! the highschool cant do that! can they? as far as i know, nothing is indicated in the UPCAT application form prohibiting a student with a line of 7 from applying. what matters is that the student is a highschool graduate. that's it! what right did the high school have to reject the student's application? if its the school's rule, then it shouldn't be valid! cmon, the school is limiting the student's options just because of a line of 7! its infringes the right of the student to education, quality education. the highschool was in no position to dictate to the student which schools to apply in. the student was even excited to have the UPCAT application form, it was probably his or her dream to be a UP student (not sure if i can relate, ive applied to study in UP since kinder and i always failed, so when UPCAT came and i failed, i was disappointed but i didnt feel that my dreams were crushed. why? i dont have a dream, highschool made me a cold and heartless individualist with no ambition). i guess he or she wasnt expecting that his or her own high school would turn down his or her application. what the fuck is wrong with that school. ok, they may think the student is a mediocre student of sorts, because the kid has a line of 7 but dont these kind of students deserve to be given a chance? besides, its not like the kid cant improve himself or herself. if a school is doing that for the purpose of not tarnishing its reputation, well, that would be pointless because it doesnt have a good reputation to maintain in the first place. its just fooling itself on how good their school is. this is what i hate about schools nowadays, this accreditation and reputation thing is taken wrongly and abused by some schools. they're no longer student-friendly. schools should keep in mind their purpose, which is to teach and educate.

anyway, i asked my mother, what did the parents do? she said she didnt know, and when i asked my brother, he also didnt know but his schoolmate just said he or she is just going to improve his or her grades this schoolyear. well, if that's the case, it would be too late for him or her to apply (i think Aug 5 is UPCAT entrance exam day). the school might have argued that, if the student can perform well, he or she should have done so in first place. he or she wouldnt have a line of 7 and he or she could have applied. that's stupid! i had a line of 7 in highschool, i was able to apply in UP, i didnt pass but i ended up in a good university, the one in Katipunan with a blue eagle gym, and graduated there, in four years. and grades dont mean a fucking thing! ok sorry, that's an exaggeration, it means something, but its not everything. my grades in college could have been better. my grades in law school could also have been better, but i didnt believe in grades. i have nothing to prove to anyone, im there to learn. so what i do is just give my professors what would satisfy them so i could continue studying (well, that applies from gradeschool to college, not much with law school where mastery of the law is needed, unfortunately, there is this thing called force of habit). not because a student's grades are low automatically means he or she is not intelligent. there are some people i know who are brilliant, but their brilliance dont reflect in their grades. they are probably even smarter than the ones with good-looking grades (i think grades should be called as good-looking than be labeled to be just good, because that's what grades really are to some people, high grades look good, it doesnt always follow that the person that owns those grades is in reality "good). point is, grades are not a perfect way of measuring a student's capability and intelligence. it never was and never will. the only reason we use this grading system is because there is no other alternative.

not that fantastic

ive seen fantastic four: rise of the silver surfer twice! the first was on june 13, 10:15am (if i remember correctly). it was the second day of classes, i thought i had a 1pm class so i made sure i got there by 10am. so the moment the movie was done, i rushed to the jeepney terminal so i would be just in time for the 1pm class. i think the movie ended around 12. well, i found out that my class was really 5pm! i should have checked my form5! that sucked. anyway, im digressing. i watched the movie again on saturday because my brother wanted to see it. so the question is, was it a good movie? like i said it wasnt fantastic. i think its better than the first movie. i would give it a 7 out of 10. the good thing and unfortunately also the bad thing about the movie is that they really portrayed the comic book team correctly (or at least that's how i remembered fantastic four when i was still a comic book collector 10 years ago). fantastic four is really a bunch of nice guys, a family friendly, very wholesome team of superheroes (unlike the xmen which is composed of a more diverse set of individuals, ranging from rebellious mutants, to average joes with powers, to those who are just plain weird). this is why i liked the x-men more than the fantastic four. for me, the fantastic four is just too nice for my taste, too noble, too heroic. at least the x-men are composed of individuals who starts out as having no direction in life, still adjusting to who they are. well, fantastic four also did some adjusting to their acquired powers but they dealt with it with maturity. that's it, fantastic four is composed of mature individuals who are thrust into greatness because they use their powers for good. they felt it was an obligation they had to take, done with, well, mature deliberation.

anyway, about the movie. for me, its much better than the xmen movies, all of the xmen movies. although the xmen characters are cooler, they just werent able to bring that to the big screen. fantastic four on the other hand did, to a certain extent. what made the sequel better, i think, is due to the fact that silver surfer is in it. im not a fan of the character, but the guy looks so cool in the movie. the CGI was great. sound effects? good enough. another reason is that you get to see jessica alba! isnt that a good reason to see the movie? ok, maybe not very much (almost but not in all instances...yeah right, even if the movie is about jessica alba talking to a cardboard box for two hours, i would still go see it...on video, hehehe), but its a marvel film, so i cant be that bad, right? well, as long as its not like the daredevil movie. anyway, the reason its only a 7 is because of the ending. where the fuck is galactus! the cloud! that sucked! what's the point of saying the destroyer is here, i.e., galactus when they will just show a planet-size cloud formation! the beginning of the movie was ok, the middle part was ok, then the ending just ruined everything. having galactus as a cloud is not a good teaser for a 3rd movie. if they will not do galactus correctly, then leave galactus out of it. namedropping galactus would have been better. worse part? the surfer confronting galactus! ok, that was just lame. but i saw the movie twice, right? well, like i said, i love marvel, so i do have a bias in favor of marvel movies (except daredevil). up to now, i havent watched the superman movie. the only DC character i like it batman.