if you already have a feeling how your life will end, or how your life will be, will you try to change it? not because you dont like how things will be, but just because you dont want the idea that the life given to you was never truly yours to control and never will be. that there is such a thing as an inescapable fate.
would you spend the rest of your life trying to change it? even if all the efforts you do appear futile because life keeps bringing you back on the track youre supposed to take, to the fate you have been assigned to have. no matter how many wrong turns you force or deviations you make, life forces you to crash back to where you are supposed to be. really crash back. that no matter how many times you try to run away, life manages to make sure you dont get far from the track youre supposed to be in so it can easily pull you back. that you will always end up where you started to leave the track you are destined to take. would you spend your life cursing the heavens for giving you the gift of life and at the same time chaining you to a creature named fate?
"Fate is like a strange, unpopular restaurant with odd waiters who bring you things you never asked for and don't always like." - Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events: The Slippery Slope
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Friday, June 19, 2009
when will the next train arrive? i want to leave this station
life is like one long train ride. you live it by sticking to the tracks. you go from one train to another but you always stick to the tracks. and its a long and difficult ride for most of us even if the trains lead to the same last station.
we start out choosing which train to ride on. usually its the one on the right track. our first train is usually the easiest one. over time, we get tired of riding it, or decide to go to a different direction and ride a different train. so we get off the next station and wonder which train to ride next. sometimes we even think when we'll ride the next train. so we stay on a station for a while. in some stations, we notice that some passengers are taking too long to decide where to go and they appear stuck. some of us then wish that they dont become one of them. so some of us ride the next train without much thought.
every time we ride a new train heading towards a new direction, we meet other passengers, we see new sceneries, we learn new things. we always gain something from every train ride. and we lose some things too.
in some train rides, some of us realize soon enough that they are on the wrong track. good for them. some realize a little later. some of us will never realize they are on the wrong track until its too late. some of these people are just waiting to reach the last station. they stop caring what train they're on or where their train is heading. for them, it wouldnt matter because all of us will reach the same last station.
some manage to get to the train that will bring them back on the right track (that is if they figure out where the right track is). some dont and keep riding one wrong train after another. so in a way, we are always on track. the question is, are we on the right one or the wrong one?
some of us are lucky enough to meet other passengers we can ride with. probably because they are heading towards the same direction in reaching the last station. or they are just making the most out of each ride until they go their separate ways and ride different trains.
some of us always ride alone, either by choice or otherwise. some of us end up riding alone.
in any case, all of us needs to keep riding these trains. there's no escaping life until we reach the last station.
we start out choosing which train to ride on. usually its the one on the right track. our first train is usually the easiest one. over time, we get tired of riding it, or decide to go to a different direction and ride a different train. so we get off the next station and wonder which train to ride next. sometimes we even think when we'll ride the next train. so we stay on a station for a while. in some stations, we notice that some passengers are taking too long to decide where to go and they appear stuck. some of us then wish that they dont become one of them. so some of us ride the next train without much thought.
every time we ride a new train heading towards a new direction, we meet other passengers, we see new sceneries, we learn new things. we always gain something from every train ride. and we lose some things too.
in some train rides, some of us realize soon enough that they are on the wrong track. good for them. some realize a little later. some of us will never realize they are on the wrong track until its too late. some of these people are just waiting to reach the last station. they stop caring what train they're on or where their train is heading. for them, it wouldnt matter because all of us will reach the same last station.
some manage to get to the train that will bring them back on the right track (that is if they figure out where the right track is). some dont and keep riding one wrong train after another. so in a way, we are always on track. the question is, are we on the right one or the wrong one?
some of us are lucky enough to meet other passengers we can ride with. probably because they are heading towards the same direction in reaching the last station. or they are just making the most out of each ride until they go their separate ways and ride different trains.
some of us always ride alone, either by choice or otherwise. some of us end up riding alone.
in any case, all of us needs to keep riding these trains. there's no escaping life until we reach the last station.
Monday, June 15, 2009
life is a blur
sometimes it seems things go by too quickly. were so busy watching out for what's just ahead of us that we dont take the time to enjoy where we are. days go by and we hardly notice them. life becomes a blur. often it takes some calamity to make us live in the present. then suddenly we wake up and see all the mistakes weve made. but its too late to change anything. - calvin
Wednesday, June 03, 2009
2nd fuck filled day
fuck! really? another shitty day? bad news brewing everywhere. holy shitload!
is this life's law of equivalent exchange? where for every happiness you get, you have to pay for it with seven times the hardship or whatever negative or opposite equivalent of happiness. right now, you suck life! you suck big time! youre making death look so sweet and appealing. unfortunately, death doesnt like me either. damn you death! but i hate life more at the moment.
you just gave me a full year of problems, life. one of them is currently "unsolvable". and probably will be because i have killed a lot of brain cells trying to think of a solution and the answer i got is...i cant solve it alone. fuck! and it seems i have no option but to solve it alone. so now what?
life, really? a full year of foreseeable problems? meaning there's a bunch of nasty surprises in the next half of this fucked up year. i dont like them but i know life will give it to me anyway.
2009, if i make it until the 31st of december, im going to make sure im going to kick 2010's ass if 2010 will try to be the same as you 2009.
ok...i know i sound crazy because im talking to life, 2009 and 2010 but really, im just fucking pissed. that simple.
is this life's law of equivalent exchange? where for every happiness you get, you have to pay for it with seven times the hardship or whatever negative or opposite equivalent of happiness. right now, you suck life! you suck big time! youre making death look so sweet and appealing. unfortunately, death doesnt like me either. damn you death! but i hate life more at the moment.
you just gave me a full year of problems, life. one of them is currently "unsolvable". and probably will be because i have killed a lot of brain cells trying to think of a solution and the answer i got is...i cant solve it alone. fuck! and it seems i have no option but to solve it alone. so now what?
life, really? a full year of foreseeable problems? meaning there's a bunch of nasty surprises in the next half of this fucked up year. i dont like them but i know life will give it to me anyway.
2009, if i make it until the 31st of december, im going to make sure im going to kick 2010's ass if 2010 will try to be the same as you 2009.
ok...i know i sound crazy because im talking to life, 2009 and 2010 but really, im just fucking pissed. that simple.
Tuesday, June 02, 2009
Fuck...
i dont know how many times ive said the word "fuck" today. certainly a hundred at least and im not fucking exaggerating. fuck. fuck is my word of the day for June...cant even fucking remember the date....for june 02, 2009. shit. yeah. i alternate shit and fuck but i say fuck 75% more often today. i usually say crap. but today is just fucking different. the gravity of the shit calls for the expression fuck and not crap.
if i have a travelling machine, im going to put my 2009 foot up my 2005 ass. fuck. why did my 2005 self had this stupid philosophy of "let future self worry about it". well, im future self and im fucking worrying about it now! damn you 2005 bum! shit. i mean, what the crap is the point of having a good sense of foresight when its coupled with a goddamn dumbass philosophy. i knew this will happen four years ago but my 2005 self had to say,"well, future self can handle it so im just going to be a lazy ass and sit all day". well, im having a hard time handling it 2005 piece of shit.
and why the hell is my method of teaching or making a point has to be me telling "i told you so" after doing shitty stuff at my expense? dumbass self! why cant i just make an illustration or patiently explain it? why do i have to actually do it? like, "the idea is absurd! i will prove it by actually doing it!" after going through the absurdity..."see, i told you so." fuck. now im in that absurd situation and saying "i told you so". i have made my point. and im right. now what!? time and effort lost just to make a stupid point. fuck.
2005 self, you are lucky you live in the past. now i have a choice whether to screw the life of 2012 self or save him the trouble by fixing the shit ive made now.
if i have a travelling machine, im going to put my 2009 foot up my 2005 ass. fuck. why did my 2005 self had this stupid philosophy of "let future self worry about it". well, im future self and im fucking worrying about it now! damn you 2005 bum! shit. i mean, what the crap is the point of having a good sense of foresight when its coupled with a goddamn dumbass philosophy. i knew this will happen four years ago but my 2005 self had to say,"well, future self can handle it so im just going to be a lazy ass and sit all day". well, im having a hard time handling it 2005 piece of shit.
and why the hell is my method of teaching or making a point has to be me telling "i told you so" after doing shitty stuff at my expense? dumbass self! why cant i just make an illustration or patiently explain it? why do i have to actually do it? like, "the idea is absurd! i will prove it by actually doing it!" after going through the absurdity..."see, i told you so." fuck. now im in that absurd situation and saying "i told you so". i have made my point. and im right. now what!? time and effort lost just to make a stupid point. fuck.
2005 self, you are lucky you live in the past. now i have a choice whether to screw the life of 2012 self or save him the trouble by fixing the shit ive made now.
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