personal mottos

1. There is no such thing as no time.

2. Never doubt the heart of a crammer.

3. Nothing is impossible.

These were my guide statements that i believed in back in college. i always boasted that i have time for everything, that i will finish the study materials and i will pull off whatever needs to be pulled off and make it appear like some great trick. but all there is to it was believing in one's self and never, ever giving up (in addition to great time management skills and sound judgment and strategization coupled with a laid back i dont care attitude). thats why my fourth motto was "only God can stop me" because God's will was the only reason im going to fail at something.

i was perfect for the bar exam. with my former self, the bar exam would be a piece of cake. now im just this whiny weakling who loves to sleep and eat and chase distractions. i dont have the "i dont care" attitude. what i have is "to hell with it" attitude. im screwed already, why bother?

if im going to take the bar, i must restore my old self. in order to do that, i will need strength and discipline (in addition to being a cold-hearted SOB because thats the only way i can focus). acknowledging i have emotions puts my emotionally sensitive self to the forefront and it makes me whiny and weak. i need to place it back on the backseat. if most people can use their emotions to make them stronger, make them passionate to the point of being unstoppable, well, that doesnt work for me. im more used to being cool, calm and composed and it makes me more effective. it makes me dense and insensitive but effective and efficient nonetheless. some things are meant not be changed. 

New Pleasure with a Guilty Perspective by Panic at the Starship and Cobra Disco

Yoink!

While riding an FX on my way to UP from the Supreme Court (filed my bar petition, will find out by the end of next month whether it will be approved or not), a fellow commuter almost had his necklace snatched by a kid. this happened at the footbridge located at the intersection of Quezon Ave and EDSA. i saw the kid even before the attempted snatching. he was eyeing the female commuter before the male one. didnt suspect he was a snatcher. i thought he was just a young barker. anyway, he probably saw the male commuter's attention was focused on trying to catch the FX so he looked liked an easier target since he was distracted. well, the guy was alert enough to grab his necklace before the kid snatcher was able to get it. sure it snapped but at least the kid didnt get it. the kid didnt even run far. he just ran a few meters away and watched the guy ride the FX (the FX i was riding). all the guy did was mutter curse words while looking at the kid watching us leave.

back in 2008, i saw a guy in his late teens snatch the earings of a middle-aged lady. a few years back, when i was still a college student, i saw a guy snatch the bag of his fellow passenger in a jeepney. both of them were riding in front, with the snatcher sitting at the outer portion of the passenger seat. he ran towards Visayas Ave. all the victim could do was shout "snatcher!" dont know if they were able to apprehend the crook.

as for me, im a victim of pickpockets, not snatchers. instead of being a victim of force, im a victim of stealth.

here comes the fear

follow what's written on the cover of the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: DONT PANIC!

im not panicking about the bar exams. quite the opposite actually. im one of the few who isnt suffering from sleepless nights worrying that its only more or less 2 months away. 

i panicked a while ago because one, the laptop gave me a scare and two, one of my cellphones gave me a scare. 

here's what happened:

i decided to synchronize and back-up my cellphones (which i named cloak and dagger. i initially thought of naming it beavis and butthead or bill and ted but i think cloak and dagger is a more appropriate name for a pair of cellphones). so i downloaded the nokia ovi suite. after installing it, i restarted the computer and to my surprise it said that its installing updates. WTF! its not supposed to download and install updates without asking for my permission. im using Windows Vista and ive heard that there was this update before that made the Vista OS reboot...perpetually. ok, keep on rebooting without loading the desktop so it just keeps on rebooting over and over again. so i prepared for the worst as i watched the computer reboot. after showing the Lenovo splash screen, it switched to the Vista OS loading screen, and then there was darkness. well, a blank black screen. crap! holy crap! thats when i stared at the blank screen with my rarely pressed panic button activated. it stayed blank for a few minutes and the power button of the computer was flickering faintly. crap. that cant be good. i just kept staring at it and i started thinking of what im going to do in case it is a system crash. i started thinking of scheduling the repair, where to have it repaired, where i can get the money for the repair, etc. then i started thinking of when was my last back-up, on whether i could still fix it on my own, etc. thats me in panic mode. i bombard myself with thoughts and plans. after maybe more or less 5 minutes of black screen, it then changed to its normal Vista screen saying that its installing update 3 of 3. whew! after a few minutes, it continued normally. i then grabbed a DVD-R and made a back-up of the bar review lectures. thats the fear number one.

fear number two kicked in half an hour later when i started synchronizing "Dagger." while it was synchronizing the messages, i suddenly received a text message from Globe. Crap!!! ever since i owned a nokia 3660, i knew that a text message interrupting the synchronization or back-up cant be good. because of the interruption, the cellphone's screen went blank. but it continued to synchronize. when i disconnected it, it seemed ok. but when i started to open any text message, it stopped with a message saying "opening" and then the screen goes blank. crap!! again! panic button activated once again. started thinking of when to go to the nokia care center, how long it will take for them to return my phone, thats its a good thing i have "Cloak" so i can divert calls and messages to it temporarily, etc. once the panic is gone. did some troubleshooting, trying to figure out how to fix it. it still works if its connected to the computer, so i made a back-up. then i used the "restore" factory settings option. completely erased personal data but good thing i was able to make a back-up (i now have 2 back-ups, one inside the PC the other inside the laptop). problem solved! 

i hate it when i go into panic mode. the only good thing about being in panic mode is that my planning mode goes on overdrive, trying to adjust my schedule and whatever needs to be adjusted to accommodate the unforeseen event. but during panic mode, i just...well, panic.

theres a fine line between courage and stupidity. i think this isnt a case of stupidity

starting tomorrow, im going to review for the bar exams at break neck speed. well, i have to. im running out of time and there are other stuff that i need to attend to which would eat up more time. not that i havent started reviewing. its just that im not happy with my pace.well, it isnt bad actualy. its just i know i can do more than this.

a law school friend told me during my graduation last April that i should get rid of all the distractions. what i did was get a lot of it. a lot of it. why do i always do the opposite? give me advice and chances are, i will do what ive been told not to do.

i vow to study efficiently and effectively tomorrow when i wake up at the crack of dawn. yes, crack of dawn. no more reviewing at the crack of noon for me. its time to get serious. the real kind of serious. not the kind of serious meant to annoy people or the social experiment type (which by the way was conceptualized through the help of a highschool class clown. it really pissed him off a lot. that why i decided to develop it).

before i publish this, God, thank You for the rain. if possible, less warm weather. really less warm weather. please.

three weeks to go!

three weeks to go before i can act on my annoying tooth. its been almost a week since it started aching. it would require minor surgery to have it extracted. problem is, i dont have the time and the money to undergo minor surgery. i will have to save some money (or find a possible source) and try to find time after three weeks. so i would have to get used to the pain this stupid fucking tooth brings. it hurts so much that i feel the pain throbbing on the right side of my head. it also wakes me up in the middle of the night. and i have to endure three more weeks of it! i need to find an outlet because right now, the pain just makes me want to punch something. i cant risk injuring my left hand since i need it for writing. my right wrist is already injured since it hurts when i bend it in a certain way.

on a positive note, at least i dont have fever. yup. thats the only good thing i can say about it. i really want to scream and kick chairs at the moment. wait, i have another good thing to say: God, thank You for the rain. it may not be much but i appreciate it. sorry, You cursed me with insatiability.    

bring the goddamn rain already!!!

sorry God but i would like to apologize for what i have to say: 

where the fuck is the rain? is that it? pathetic droplets!?

You know that i always ask for rain, whether im indoors or outdoors, i dont care. earlier this week i was taunting You to bring the rain while i was walking home. i didnt care if i get wet. all i want is rain. real rain. not the pathetic light rain weve been experiencing. the only rain that ive enjoyed recently was when You provided torrential downpour coupled with strong winds. people with me in the jeepney said it was as if there was a storm. all i could do was smile and enjoy the sight im seeing. so God, cmon, dont hold back. i know we wont be able to withstand even a small percentage of Your wrath but dont You think we deserve it?

i think i just came up with a new blog format. now i can activate my remaining unused blog address.

anyway, maybe what i just said is a bit extreme and offensive to You and to mankind. its just im pissed with this warm weather and i curse the generations that came before me for turning the planet into its current miserable state. pinnacle of evolution my ass. man's existence has become incompatible with the planet's existence. i hate to inherit the planet in this state and pass it on to the next generation in a much worse condition. they say the damage is still reversible but the thing is, man's forward march is no longer attuned to the decent survival of other life forms and the planet's. man has become a nuisance to his home planet. the question is, will this nuisance be abated by God's wrath? if so, when? if not, why? im starting to sound like Nagato. but then again, maybe we are experiencing Your wrath by allowing us to exist under this condition of gradual self-destruction. to suffer in moderate amounts to pay for our sins.

i should stop

regret, remorse, repentance

Frankie, ive seen you at Mass almost every day for 23 years. the only person that comes to church that much is the kind who cant forgive himself for something. - Father Horvak

Homer's version of Tennyson's famous phrase

"sometimes when you least expect it, you realize that someone loves you. and that means someone can love you again. that will make you smile" - Homer Simpson

when's the sixth season? september 2010?

i love the 80s and i love Evie

finally found vids of this TV series. i loved this show. i remember watching its first episode back in the early 90s, almost 2 decades ago. Evie is one of my all time TV crushes. i really love the 80s.