being unhealthy is burdensome and restricts my freedom.

i wouldnt say im health conscious. i would say im more mindful of my health now compared before (a friend would react and say "so its a question of semantics?" i always contradict him by just rephrasing his statements). years ago, when my blood condition was being closely monitored, i really didnt care about my health status. my mother even requested my cousins to pester me to be more concerned with my health condition then (because some crazy doctor prescribed some chemotherapy pills that caused my mother to worry too much). now that things seem to be more ok than before (not much skin allergies, no longer closely monitoring my blood, lungs seem to be better), why have i become more concerned about my health? why now when things seem to be normal? i wondered why the sudden concern and i came up with this (while walking home a while ago, asking this question): its not the fear of death or the fear of dying. its more of the fear (well, not fear but something quite like it) of not dying. ever since college, i tell my friends that death or dying isnt something worth worrying about. when a person dies, everything ends. all his worries, problems, etc. vanishes in an instant. when youre dead, you wont feel bad about leaving people and things behind. you simply just cease to exist. so why fear it when you wont feel or know anything after it occurs? so the problem lies in not dying. or not dying fast enough. or to be more clear, to be on the verge or in the middle of life and death and to be in a constant state of not dying. thats the scary part of it. i think. with this in mind, i said to myself, if im not going to die soon (because ever since high school, ive thought that i wont reach the age of 30. now it seems only an accident will prevent me from reaching 30), i wouldnt want to be unhealthy while waiting for death to come. its like gradually moving towards death in a burdensome pace and not quite reaching it because death wont reach out unless it wants to take you. thats torture. so its not the uncertainty of living (although it could wield some influence) but the discomfort and pain it brings that bothers me. i dont want to be in some pain, discomfort or some restriction due to health concerns (not being able to eat what i want to eat or not do what i want to do). i think this is the simple reason why i became more mindful of my health.