Kim Taeyeon

its a biggie for a lefty

testing if i can still type well despite my injured left hand. i have an exam tomorrow and im required to bring a laptop and USB. most likely, its a typewritten exam. if its a written one, then im screwed. with this injured left hand, i might think of requesting a resetting of my exam or not push through with my application. if its typewritten, well, it will still be a struggle but at least i have a better chance of doing the exam well. right now, i need to be mindful never to let my left hand touch the surface of the laptop because it will bring a sharp pain in my hand and will distract me during the exam and thus disrupting my train of thought.

why my left hand is injured remains a mystery. its starting to swell after more than 36 hours of aching. i wonder why i had to take the exam tomorrow with an injured left hand (ouch! my left hand just touched the laptop surface. its really sensitive and painful). it will certainly slow me down and distract me a bit. if my left hand will remain injured by tomorrow, i hope it doesnt get worse. at least i can still type well with just a small amount of discomfort if i angle my left hand properly, with my left elbow sticking out and using only my left middle finger to press the keyboard.

time to sleep. i will be brushing my teeth with my right hand. have to be careful not to injure myself further. more than half of the time i use my right hand to brush my teeth, i graze my gums.

weird. im feeling better now.

there's something wrong. or maybe there's something about to go wrong. this is what i was thinking a few hours ago: i felt a very strange feeling when i was about to start my afternoon jog. i cant describe it. but i tried. and the description i gave myself was, this might be the feeling of someone who's riding a plane and about to crash in the middle of the ocean. not the type of rush when someone rides a rollercoaster. its terrifying. yet, not necessarily hopeless. like a fear of an inevitable unknown. like i said, i cant really describe it. it took me a few more minutes to realize that ive felt this feeling before. thats when it struck me. i wrote about it in one of my blogs. the weird part about it is...i predicted i will get this feeling again this year. i didnt really say 2012 but i wrote the blog entry on latter part of february 2007 and i said that its a feeling im going to feel in five years. and as i was jogging a few hours ago, i counted what's five years from 2007 and with my basic math skills i found out its 2012. i said to myself "it cant be". although i did feel this weird feeling back in 2007, i remember that during that time, i was really "emotionally unstable". i couldnt remember what i really said in the 2007 blog entry but i knew about the five year period i stated. so i started wondering, what the hell does this feeling mean? why did i warn myself in 2007 about it? a big earthquake? i just dreamt earlier today about a tremor. nah, couldnt be. i remember the entry was talking about something personal. so a personal tragedy and not a calamity. could it be just a coincidence? well, if it is, its funny that when i got home to check the blog entry, the title of the entry was "turbulence". and i just tried to describe the feeling today as like being in a plane about to crash. and when i tried to describe it, i wasnt aware yet that its a feeling i felt before and wrote something about it. i didnt even remember the blog title until i checked it when i got home. well, i named it turbulence because of the emotional turbulence i was undergoing then. anyway, the feeling lingered much longer in 2007. now i managed to restrict the feeling to a little less than an hour. when i thought i need to get rid of the disturbing feeling, i put my earphones on, listened to snsd (starting with japanese gee) to distract me a little and started convincing myself there's no point in trying to figure it out because the most i can come up with is speculation. then when i was heading home when i finished jogging, a deja vu struck me then a mental image of a tornado and the word "moth".  i think i know what the two refers to and if im correct with my deduction, it refers to something absolutely meaningless.

its been a weird late afternoon/early evening. to make things weirder, i have no idea how i injured my left hand. i woke up with my left hand, just right about the wrist, aching. there's no swelling but it feels like i just tried to karate chop a metal bar. i must have twisted it while i was sleeping last night. i was in a deep sleep too (which doesnt happen that frequently lately). although the feeling is gone (maybe temporarily), i still cant shake off the thought something's wrong.