never doubt the will of a crammer

"never doubt the heart of a champion" they say. but im not a champion, im a crammer. so i say "never doubt the will of a crammer".

so far, it got me somewhere. unfortunately, i doubted a while ago. i was supposed to take my credit exam on March 30 when i had the choice to take it on another later date, much later, April 10. why did i choose March 30? aside from i might be busy during the holy week and after holy week (meaning, i wont be able to study for it anyway), based from my assessment, i can take the exam on March 30th. im a crammer, so the way i saw it, i think i can equip myself with enough information on credit transactions in a few days to get a passing grade on the exam. so when jump told me i could still reschedule since the deadline for informing gladys about it is still hours away, i said im sticking to March 30. when allelu texted me and unintentionally reinforced the fact that im going solo on the exam since the rest of my blockmates are going to take it on April 10, i still stood by my decision to take it on the 30th. but when gladys texted to confirm and again reminded me that im the lone 2D student who will take the exam, i doubted the will of a crammer.

she texted me while i was studying for the exam which was just 27 hours away. why did i doubt? i dont know. maybe i felt i need to aim higher or i just felt the fear of not being able to cram everything. i mean, ok, i can take the exam on the 30th with enough information to get me through the subject, but why aim for a passing grade or why risk it if i have the choice not to cram? besides, it was more than the usual risk because it was my sister's graduation, meaning im going to be away the rest of the day, reducing the 27 hours to 18 hours. and of course, i had to sleep since i do badly on an exam if i have less than 7 hours of sleep. so, i have 11 hours left to study. but i had to reduce it for occasional breaks. so, maybe i have 9 hours left. is 9 hours enough? yes! but only enough to get a decent exam grade at the most, if my mind is in its optimal level (there are times my mind refuses to cooperate, so i have to reboot it by taking a short nap so when i wake up, i can focus on the fact im taking a final exam and not just some seatwork that's not graded or substantial).

anyway, to cut it short, i decided to go for the april 10 schedule. why? since im about to finish studying for credit, even if im busy during the holy week, at least the only thing i have to do is bits of reviews to refresh my memory here and there, and it might give me an opportunity to study more and aim a little higher than just a passing grade. this is one reason. i rarely change my mind or decide on something with just one reason, there has to be other reasons.

the other reason is that, when gladys texted me, i asked myself, is my "3-strike" rule applicable? this means, three persons sort of challenged my decision to push through with March 30 (this isn't the 3-strike rule, the 3 strike rule is when things comes in threes, obviously, and those three things, if taken together in such sequence, have the impact of making me reconsider or forces me to assess or re-assess a situation...hey, this is a tristanism) . they really didn't challenge me, but their queries or the short conversations i had with them made me doubt and re-think my decision to take the exam on the 30th. on the first two, jump and allelu, i was still convinced to take it on the 30th. but then came the 3rd strike, gladys' text message. and
the 3rd strike usually connotes a change in stance. that's why its a strike, im out, and i have to give in to the opposing view. weird way of making decisions but i do it from time to time (like dropping my civil procedure subject).

a third reason is that, it might be a case of courage vs foolishness. sometimes i find it hard to tell the difference between the two. to cram and take the exam on the 30th. is it courageous? or foolish? in any case its a risk. people with courage take risks. but foolish people also do. and unfortunately, there is nothing honorable with foolish risks and most of the time, such risks lead to failure. so i had to decide quickly, since i asked gladys to give me five minutes to decide. will it be foolish for me to continue? of course i wasnt thinking very much of courage, because sometimes, you just take risks but you dont contemplate whether if its courageous thing to do so. you just do it. its only afterwards that you start to think, "hey, that was brave of me to take the exam on the 30th". so if i think its a foolish decision to push through, then that's enough for me to reconsider. i saw it to be foolish because i didnt have to rush things when i have the option to take more time to study. i could use it to master the subject. its good to aim higher from time to time. even if im going to be busy the next few days, since i have read substantially what's supposed to be studied for credit, what i need to cram are those really important points (what the? this means, when i read, i only try to get an idea of things, not a good grasp yet, and at least i know where to find the information i need to remember when i need to memorize something). so, april 10 is the better option in so many ways. the good thing with march30 is that i wont have to worry about anything after april2 except the administrative law project which is due on the 25th of april. i could be busy with other things without being mindful of academic schedules. does that really outweigh april 10? no, so its foolish to choose march 30.

and with those reasons in mind, i doubted the will of a crammer and decided not to be a crammer if i have the option not to be one. why? because there are times cramming doesnt work and maybe my doubt is telling this is one of those. i may think i may be able to cram everything but it's never a guarantee that things will be ok.