im free to decide but...

i cant decide! decide on what? decide on whether i will go to bicol or not? that is the crucial question at the moment while im taking a break from the stuff im doing. half of me wants to go, while the other half doesnt. now that is a problem right? usually, when this happens, i try to think of the pros and cons.

ok, why do i want to go? well, first, its a good place to spend a short vacation. a little break from all the stuff im doing. anything else? well, there's the company of good friends. anything more? hmm...cant think of anything else.

now, why dont i want to go? well, im not in the mood to travel long distances at the moment. actually, i dont like to take a bus at the moment. if i could drive to bicol, then that would be enumerated above as a reason for me to go. and well, i dont know how to drive there, so there's no other choice but go to bicol by taking a bus. another reason is the expenses. i dont have much money at the moment. so, i really dont want to use up a lot of money when it is still midsummer.
there are a bunch of other reasons in between that just makes this decision making process more complicated. so, what now? usually, when i still cant decide, i do a toss coin (this is my, "when in doubt, do the toss coin" rule, where lately, i make it 2 out of 3 and not just a single toss). as far as i can remember, the coin has never failed me. so, will i use it now? maybe on the last minute. right now, there are two strikes (for the three strike rule, refer to blog entry somewhere below). if there comes a third strike, i might change my position. my position right now is not to go. that was my first decision, which apparently, not yet final because im reconsidering it. why am i reconsidering it? umm...because half of me wants to go? but why take my current position not to go? well, because i feel like its not a good idea for me to go with the kind of company i have. but the problem is, that has never stopped me before, i always do some form of "gatecrashing" (i should think for a term for this, or if there is a term, i have no idea what it is...its not gatecrashing because there's an invitation, but even if there is an invitation, given the circumstances, one is not really welcome or the appropriate response would be to turn down the invitation. its like the invitation was extended as an act of...umm...politeness?). i dont know, maybe im just complicating things. another problem is my urge to contradict myself, so the more i want to go, the more i dont want to go too. and usually, the latter part wins. that's why i employ external methods to help me decide.