absurd!!!

Your Mafia of 501 fought against Big \\\\\\\"D\\\\\\\" with 54 AR-15 Assault Rifles, 2 Easter Egg Bombs, 3 AA-12 Auto Shotguns, 3 Bushmaster ACRs, 4 Midas' Butterfly Knives, 76 Napalms, a Gold Desert Eagle, 59 Bookie's Holdout Pistols, 3 Sub Machine Guns, a Bloody Webby, 185 Bonus weapons, 68 RPG Launchers, 2 Harpoon Guns, a Bloody Mop, a Tire Iron, a Weighted Knuckle Gloves , 27 Chain Guns, 10 .50 Caliber Rifles, 51 Federal Agents, 3 I Heart Mom Tattoos, 3 Half Dollar Body Armors, 66 Bodyguards, 64 Night Vision Goggles, 21 Body Armors, 104 Stab-Proof Vests, 62 Falsified Documents, 3 Bullet Proof Vests, 36 Lucky Shamrock Medallions, 50 Humvees, 57 Police Cruisers, 50 Porsche 911s, 64 Harley Davidson "Fat Boy" Motorcycles, a Veyron, 3 Indy Racers, 50 Armored Limousines, 62 Armored Cars, a Chrome Skyline, 59 Private Jets, 41 Town Cars, 59 Luxury Yachts, 3 '35 Cabriolets, and a Stolen Mail Truck.

Big \\\\\\\"D\\\\\\\"'s Mafia of 7 fought with a Gold Desert Eagle, a Sub Machine Gun, a Bloody Webby, a Tire Iron, a Car Bomb, a Chain Gun, a Trench Knife, 7 Falsified Documents, 3 Armored Limousines, and 4 Private Jets.

Big \\\\\\\"D\\\\\\\" scored a critical hit! You LOST the fight along with $100,000, taking 10 damage and dealing 8 damage to your enemy.

i was about to go online on YM when...

crap. a minute of hesitation...might as well post some quotes...

The man who is guided by concepts and abstractions only succeeds by such means in warding off misfortune, without ever gaining any happiness for himself from these abstractions. And while he aims for the greatest possible freedom from pain, the intuitive man, standing in the midst of a culture, already reaps from his intuition a harvest of continually inflowing illumination, cheer, and redemption — in addition to obtaining a defense against misfortune. To be sure, he suffers more intensely, when he suffers; he even suffers more frequently, since he does not understand how to learn from experience and keeps falling over and over again into the same ditch. - Friedrich Nietzsche

Those who restrain desire, do so because theirs is weak enough to be restrained. - William Blake

Im a Sagittarius Pig!

how could i miss the obvious! im a sagittarian...and im a pig! a sagittarius pig!

ive been studying all day long and im too tired to study some more. so i checked my facebook account and stumbled upon this application that leads to this website...i think. too tired to even pay attention.

wow, im a sagittarius pig! never crossed my mind. im speechless. i mean, really? ok...im just oozing with sarcasm at the moment. all this studying is really making me...anyway...

Sagittarius/Pig Profile:


These Pigs live to be (or at least appear to be) above reproach. They may get up to some shady mischief. But they prefer to keep it hush hush. They are rapaciously observant and cannot leave a detail alone. Gentle in love, they are rarely faithful to a life long mate.



THE HONORABLE SENSUALIST
Still waters run deep. The Sagittarian Pig, above reproach in moral conduct and beyond social disapprobation, tries very hard to maintain a spotless reputation. Not that the Sagittarius/Pig is a Pollyanna and only capable of Boy Scoutism. Not at all. But this person attends to his or her public name by staying clear of trouble and acting the role of moralist. Of course, this pristine do-good behavior only goes so far. The Sagittarian/Pig is still (pardon the expression) a Pig. So this upstanding citizen type who has many axes to grind with everything from politics to artistic expression is frequently found out to be a secret wallower.



Positive Traits : cheerfulness, valor, solicitude, open handedness, honor, reason, scrupulousness, voluptuousness, gallantry, culture, sincerity, honesty


Negative Traits : outspokenness, vacillation, recklessness, carelessness, bad manners, contradiction, credulity, materialism, wrath, gourmandism, hesitation, pigheadedness

its friday and im in...the mood to talk about the cure

The cure for love is still in most cases that ancient radical medicine: love in return. - Nietzsche

Really Nietzsche, really? well, he did say most cases.

come to think of it, what did he mean by cure? does he agree with me that love is an infectious disease? i really should read his books and not settle for excerpts. i havent read Nietzsche since i was this nosy college student who checked Fr. David's list of recommended readings for another class. i just felt like reading them. the same way when i saw a shelf of books on Marxism and read them just because i wanted to read them.

anyway, if love is an infectious disease...how do you get rid of it? i mean, if you get love in return, you dont get rid of it, you let it grow and consume you. how can love in return cure love? getting love in return doesnt cancel the love one already feels. whoever developed this love thingie anyway? this love business shit. how did it exist? where does it reside? must be some kind of virus that infects the mentally weak. if one needs a cure, its some kind of sickness isnt it? and who in their right mind would like to be sick? well, thats why those who are infected with this goddamn feeling isnt in their right minds.

if love in return is the cure for love in most cases, what about the other cases? whats the cure? hate? can hate love? or can love hate? i dont think love can hate. nor can hate love. what the hell am i saying? at 330am, i should be sleeping. but i cant.

anyway, Nietzsche has more to say on love:

"The shortsighted are in love.-- Sometimes it requires only a stronger pair of spectacles to cure the lover, and he who had the imagination to picture a face, a figure twenty years older would perhaps pass through life very undisturbed."

so, thats another cure for love, a stronger pair of spectacles. i used to have those. wait, im still wearing those! damn it.

"There is not enough love and goodness in the world for us to be permitted to give any of it away to imaginary things."

give love to an imaginary thing. well, sometimes thats what works for other people. maybe thats their cure...and disease at the same time.

i cant help but be scared of it all sometimes

its...well, it was 3am when i wrote this (since i wont be able to post this on blogger because i dont have an internet connection at my current residence). for some reason i cant sleep and i have a fucking pimple on my right armpit! i just find both annoying. not in the mood to review or study. i spend my supposed waking moments studying and i dont want to spend this unintentional waking moment studying too. i just hope this isnt one of those months of insomnia. if it is, i have two things to say: fucking wrong timing and to the girl who wished i had insomnia, well, i have insomnia now...and wrong timing!

insomnia at a time like this...what is God thinking? and im not referring to clock time. im in this part of my life where time really is gold. and im wasting precious gold.

Gawd im hungry. cant even smoke even if i wanted to.

at 3am in the morning, i cant think of a person i cant text and say, "if you happen to talk to God, can you ask Him, what's up with this? 2009 is halfway through and the significant stuff in my life are half-doomed".

my back hurts. ooohhh nooo, not the physical pain again! crap. more distraction. dont tell me im going to have them coughing fits again...and...i dont even want to think about the third one. the physical pain trifecta. damn it. why now!?

ok. i might overreacting since its 3am in the morning. but my back really, really hurts.

im just talking to myself now. well, ive been doing that a lot lately. like Tom Hanks in Castaway. i say out loud, "what will i have for breakfast?" i answer, "well, there's some noodles. there's oatmeal. you can buy some pandesal, or have some scrambled eggs. maybe some breakfast cereal perhaps?" wow, im having a conversation with myself at 7am in the morning. how nice. im not complaining, i just find it amusing that i really cant stop talking that i must talk to myself. sometimes i just have to read something out loud so i can hear myself talk. last night i talked to the wall. well, im still sane because the wall didnt back. if it did, crap, im going to ask someone where i dropped my sanity. and...he or she can have it. i dont need sanity when things are going wrong like this (damn you first half of 2009! wait...will these failures happen all year long? crap. what can i expect on august!?). anyway, if youre wondering what i said to the wall, i just said "im 25 and here i am talking to the wall. a very white wall. so i spent one night of my 25th year talking to a very white wall. really white wall. the person who painted this should be proud of his work. goodnight wall"

well, i study almost all day long (i take breaks of course) and when i get home, im all alone and no one to talk to. this would not be a problem if only im the same person as i was before (like 2 years ago or maybe a year ago?). i used to be an island. unfortunately, when i need to be an island, when i really, really need to live like a hermit, i cant anymore. life is cruel. why the hell do i have to change now? why God why? everyday, i mean, everyday, i look at the sky hoping an answer will enter my head. i look at the In God We Trust neon sign at the top of the building saying "did God just blink?" just to make me think that God is making Himself felt. Oh God, why does my back hurt now that i cant sleep and its 3am in the morning.

i havent played baseball since high school

i was starting to digress in my previous blog entry when i realized that the topic could be a separate blog entry...

what the crap happened to me...looking at myself now that im 25...oh well. life throws a lot of crazy curve balls and the most you can do is be prepared for each one. if you get hit by one of them crazy curve balls, you have no choice but to get back up. it might take some time or it might seem like that damn curve ball inflicted a goddamn unbearable pain, but the only way to deal with it is to get back up (and face those curve balls again that life will never stop throwing. damn you life! haha). i think its not a human tendency to keep facing life's curve balls but its what makes a person stay human or inherently a warm blooded human being. as edward elric said: "envy...youre envious of humans. were so much weaker than you homunculi but battered, confused, even when were beaten and about to collapse, even when we know its pointless, we always stand back up. and if we cant, our friends will lift us"

the idea of always getting back up, the knowledge of a mortal going against what appears to be inhuman conditions, facing the improbable and sometimes the impossible, appears to defy logic and reason, to willingly allow oneself be burned alive and face unimaginable pain for the sake of just moving forward and not giving up the never ending struggle to live and not merely survive. kinda reminds me of iggy pop's song title, lust for life. i think this is what makes some people more human than others. i miss saying i think. am i back to being i am? i hope so. or i hope so?

same banana?

which one is better, a daydreaming realist or an idealist who's in touch with reality? or both of them are just bananas?

speaking of bananas, ive been searching for this poem for years (just because i like it...and i recited this in one of my english classes way back when i was a freshman in college).

The Uncertainty of the Poet
Wendy Cope

I am a poet.

I am very fond of bananas.

I am bananas.

I am very fond of a poet.

I am a poet of bananas.

I am very fond.

A fond poet of “I am, I am”—

Very bananas.

Fond of “Am I bananas?

Am I?” – a very poet.

Bananas of a poet!

Am I Fond? Am I very?

Poet bananas! I am

I am fond of a “very”.

I am of very fond bananas.

Am I a poet?

i was trying hard not to laugh while i was reciting this poem. maybe i should start writing poems again...wonder if i can find my old ones. i stopped writing poems sometime around mid-high school. what the crap happened to me...looking at myself now that im 25...oh well. life throws a lot of crazy curve balls and the most you can do is be prepared for each one.

pain

when people get hurt, they learn to hate. when people hurt others, they become hatred and are racked with guilt. but knowing that pain allows people to be kind, pain allows people to grow. and how you grow is up to you. you know pain, you think about it, and the answer you find is up to you. - jiraiya