its...well, it was 3am when i wrote this (since i wont be able to post this on blogger because i dont have an internet connection at my current residence). for some reason i cant sleep and i have a fucking pimple on my right armpit! i just find both annoying. not in the mood to review or study. i spend my supposed waking moments studying and i dont want to spend this unintentional waking moment studying too. i just hope this isnt one of those months of insomnia. if it is, i have two things to say: fucking wrong timing and to the girl who wished i had insomnia, well, i have insomnia now...and wrong timing!
insomnia at a time like this...what is God thinking? and im not referring to clock time. im in this part of my life where time really is gold. and im wasting precious gold.
Gawd im hungry. cant even smoke even if i wanted to.
at 3am in the morning, i cant think of a person i cant text and say, "if you happen to talk to God, can you ask Him, what's up with this? 2009 is halfway through and the significant stuff in my life are half-doomed".
my back hurts. ooohhh nooo, not the physical pain again! crap. more distraction. dont tell me im going to have them coughing fits again...and...i dont even want to think about the third one. the physical pain trifecta. damn it. why now!?
ok. i might overreacting since its 3am in the morning. but my back really, really hurts.
im just talking to myself now. well, ive been doing that a lot lately. like Tom Hanks in Castaway. i say out loud, "what will i have for breakfast?" i answer, "well, there's some noodles. there's oatmeal. you can buy some pandesal, or have some scrambled eggs. maybe some breakfast cereal perhaps?" wow, im having a conversation with myself at 7am in the morning. how nice. im not complaining, i just find it amusing that i really cant stop talking that i must talk to myself. sometimes i just have to read something out loud so i can hear myself talk. last night i talked to the wall. well, im still sane because the wall didnt back. if it did, crap, im going to ask someone where i dropped my sanity. and...he or she can have it. i dont need sanity when things are going wrong like this (damn you first half of 2009! wait...will these failures happen all year long? crap. what can i expect on august!?). anyway, if youre wondering what i said to the wall, i just said "im 25 and here i am talking to the wall. a very white wall. so i spent one night of my 25th year talking to a very white wall. really white wall. the person who painted this should be proud of his work. goodnight wall"
well, i study almost all day long (i take breaks of course) and when i get home, im all alone and no one to talk to. this would not be a problem if only im the same person as i was before (like 2 years ago or maybe a year ago?). i used to be an island. unfortunately, when i need to be an island, when i really, really need to live like a hermit, i cant anymore. life is cruel. why the hell do i have to change now? why God why? everyday, i mean, everyday, i look at the sky hoping an answer will enter my head. i look at the In God We Trust neon sign at the top of the building saying "did God just blink?" just to make me think that God is making Himself felt. Oh God, why does my back hurt now that i cant sleep and its 3am in the morning.
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