a few years ago, my cousin commented that she never treated me like a baby. although she remembers me as being a hyperactive kid, she said the next thing she knew i was too "old" to be treated like a baby because i grew up too quick. so she never did treat me like one. even if she was seven years older than me, she always saw me as someone who acted more mature for my age (and she somehow made me feel that i have some ascendancy over her). she said to me more than a decade ago (after a heated argument with me) that sometimes she forgets that im just a kid and treats me as someone who should act as if im in the same age group as her. she did treat me like one. well, thats how she saw me. i dont think my other cousins see me this way. im still regarded as someone who knows a lot about nothing and has proven nothing. i havent done anything concrete that's worth recognizing.
anyway, a college blockmate also made a similar comment. that i was someone mature and she never thought i would be friends with some childish person.
i think the mistake in their perception lies in their interpretation or equating my seriousness with maturity. im simply just a very serious person. i dont loosen up. i dont relax. i dont have fun. i am an extremely inhibited being (there's only a handful of people who can make me loosen up and have seen me loosen up. and it doesnt involve getting intoxicated).
its not that i dont know how to have fun. its just i dont feel like having fun anymore. my idea of a fun party is when the night becomes a blur and i wake up having no idea how i got there or who i was with. last time that happened was way back in 2004. since 2004, the "party animal" in me slowly faded away. now, i dont like to drink beer as much as i did back in 2004 (when drinking beer was almost a weekly thing). i dont even like the taste of beer anymore (there was a time that i get teary eyed when i drink an ice cold bottle of beer after months of not being able to drink one). now, i only attend social gatherings which i think are necessary or where i have a purpose for attending because i dont have free time anymore (i attended a dinner recently and i asked the people with me if there's a purpose for the gathering. they said its just a dinner and because we havent seen each other for quite some time. my reaction was, "really? thats it?" sometimes i ask myself what the hell is wrong with me). now, i think im too old for parties. ive said no to a lot of fun activities and out of town opportunities (thats not work related) this year (well, the latter half of the year at least). i never stop thinking of the things i ought to do or accomplish. i guess with this level of seriousness, people think i act too old for my age. at 26, im really starting to think im too old to do fun stuff. im starting to think like ted mosby in Season 4 episode 19. but then again, i am 26. that is old. so maybe i am acting appropriately for my age.
the comment made by my cousin entered my head when i realized what i was doing. its the 26th of december (in a few minutes it will be the 27th) and im reading the philippine general banking law and planning the work i need to do in the next few days before the classes and work start in january. thats all i think about recently. i never thought i would be this kind of person. maybe im the one who has a wrong perception.
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