i want a simple life. a simple, solitary life. free from worries and hassles. keep a few friends that i can visit when i want to take a break from all the travelling i intend to do. this was my high school plan.
my grade school plan was marry an intelligent woman, preferably a scientist or someone very knowledgeable in the natural sciences and mathematics, have a kid, have a simple house in a nice subdivision. i saw life differently then. this was a plan.
college sort of made me revise the high school plan a bit. i thought, given my "position in the order of things", why not dream big. why not aim much higher than a mere simple life. i compared myself to other people and saw myself having the potential to go farther than most of them. all i had to do was exert more effort and make life a little more complicated.
i have the capacity, i have the potential, i have the ability to become someone great, someone who can do something, someone who can change things. all i have to do is try. i rarely believe in things that arent facts but i believe in this one. i believe than i can take a lead role in something and perform very well in doing it. problem is, i dont want a lead role in anything. i still want a simple life. thats why i never give "100%" in anything i do because i dont have a passion for it. i wonder if someone can be passionate in striving to live a simple life. i think passion is for instances where someone wants to go beyond the limits. and going beyond the limit isnt something simple.
my highschool plan was nice. i shouldnt have deviated. i did try to restore it in 2008 but someone in 2009 disrupted it. she managed to persuade me to make her an exception and try to revise the plan again. well, it wont work. revising it to accommodate exceptions wont work. its either i stick to the plan or discard it entirely. i think i was much wiser back in high school. unfortunately, my current state isnt conditioned for that plan. i will have to rid myself of the college plan blueprints.
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