and now we wait

done with the bar exams. its a relief but not quite. there's still the mental torture of waiting for the results. its a period where one can't freely move because much as we want to move on, we can't because our future really depends on whether we pass the exam or not. if we pass, well and good. if not, there's the question of taking it immediately again or postpone it. if postpone to take the exams again for another year, what to do in the interim? its the time lost that makes this burden heavy.

when professors say that one must be prepared in mind, body and spirit for the exams, they werent kidding. during the first few weeks of the review classes, some got sick. i didnt because i already enrolled in a review program last year (although i have coughing fits, thats really because of stress. i went to the doctor to check if im sick, she said there's nothing remarkable about my lungs after seeing the xray. and thats a better assessment compared to when i was still in OLA. my coughing fits were much worse and painful). i got sick then, when i was reviewing in Arellano. so this year, i already have an idea on how to review. i already know my pace and my limits.

during the course of review and as the exam month gets nearer, with stressed minds and weakened physical state for some, the preparation becomes a test of spirit. doubt starts to meddle and muddle things up. come exam month, things just become more difficult. panic, if its hasnt manifested itself, starts to make its appearance. so its stress, doubt and panic. it wont go away for most examinees. thats why one of our professors said the bar exams is 50% confidence. if you have that, youre half-way prepared. the other 50% is the knowledge, whether stock or non-stock (wow, corporation law related humor of some sort), to back that confidence up. well, i had the 50% confidence so all i had to do was back that up. what i failed to consider is that with every bar sunday, that confidence depletes and i dont have a way to replenish it (this is why i think its better not to take the bar exams like a hermit, the way i did, unless one can be sure to stay mentally strong for the four sundays). the mental fatigue becomes an annoying stumbling block. the exam is now a test of mental endurance. youre tired, youre drained but you have to study for most of the week and squeeze your brain every sunday.  

and now, i will update my resume and try to make a cover letter. but before that...