now im talking like a girl. a spoiled and fussy one to be more specific.

i mentioned in my post below that i was horrified when a law school blockmate took a whiff at my cap. she said she wanted to know my scent. im sensitive when it comes to my scent. the reason for it is because i have poor sense of smell. i have no good way of knowing whether i smell good or not. thats why i get paranoid about it because of the uncertainty.

ive received compliments that i smell good. all of them from girls (now that i think about it, i wouldnt know how to react if a guy said it. maybe "umm...thanks? i guess"). but even if i do receive positive comments about my scent doesnt mean i smell nice all the time (although a girl ive dated said that i always smell nice whenever she sees me but well, im still not convinced). also, they always compliment me on the perfume i wear. now, ive been using this perfume since college or around 2001. and ive been using it until it went out of stock months ago. i think its no longer in production since in the ten years ive been buying it, its never been out of stock for this long. as usual, i have a secondary perfume that i can resort to whenever the primary perfume i use runs out but its really not my type and its really meant to be just a reserve (the reason its my reserve is because, like my primary perfume, i rarely smell it on someone else but unlike my primary perfume, i dont like it that much. its just good enough). so im hoping im wrong on my hunch that my primary perfume is no longer in production or i will have to look for a new one (i would like to go back to the perfume i used when i was in sixth grade but i just found its not available here in the philippines. crap!!! and its the scent i like next to the one that ive been using for ten years. i dont know if im just really picky or very unfortunate).

anyway, the reason i thought of writing this post is because this somehow explains why im afraid of hugs. its common knowledge that i dont like to be hugged (except to some relatives who barely know me). my "fear" of being hugged is separate and distinct from my "fear" of being touched. thats a separate issue. anyway, whenever someone tries to hug me, i always say im sweaty, which is true. i sweat a lot because of the very warm weather we have. with my recent weight gain, i feel the weather got a lot warmer. so its not really because i dont like people to hug me but im afraid of allowing them to get too close to actually get a good whiff of my body. thats how sensitive i am about it. thats why i dont hug back either because just being hugged already makes me very uncomfortable due to my paranoia and sensitivity on how i smell. even if no one has reacted adversely, i still cant get rid of the thought that i dont smell good. thats why whenever i sweat a lot, i secretly check from time to time how i smell, which is silly because i have a poor sense of smell. checking it seems like a mere gesture on my part to reassure me a bit because i dont smell anything.