i think i am. im 60% happy. this is an improvement because im usually 50-50 or less, even 30% even. that was my normal state of mind (and i miss it). not depressed. im just naturally not a happy person ever since i changed to my current self way back in high school. and this is a big deal for everyone except me.
the reason i said i think im happier now is because im less cranky most of the time. i think i dont wear my scowl anymore. i would say im 70% happy when i can readily smile with ease, meaning i dont have to think about smiling or having a conscious effort to smile. at 60%, i only have that semi-forced smile. its not like im forcing myself to smile but since its not my natural tendency to do it, i cant express my smile automatically (so im happy inside but i dont naturally express it). i have to consciously switch it on, like "oh, this is where a smile is appropriate". this means my positive emotional level has not reached the point where i can make my smile operate on auto-pilot. for me 80% happy is when i laugh a lot. really laugh. 90% happy is when im extremely excited about something that my body language shows it. i get this with stuff or people i really like. 100% is that point above 90%. i think i have more room for happiness above 90% so thats why there's a 100%. maybe thats when the elusive creature called love hits me with a delightfully soft pillow containing a handful of bricks. thats got to be it. 100% happy is when you have both pain and pleasure and still sincerely smile because you really are happy.
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