that Hoy hoy Buloy band

havent listened to this band for quite some time. i remember hearing them on NU 107 back in the late 90s. when i tried encouraging my high school friend, and fellow Ehead fan, to listen to them, he found them corny and with no future. meh. i like their sense of humor. and their song lyrics are nice.

creepy tall guy

last thursday, i had a hearing in QC. when i was about to leave to Hall of Justice, about to step out at the exit, i noticed a lady lawyer at the guard station, having her bag inspected. we were at the main entrance. now, the hall of justice QC has side exits in addition to the exit at the main entrance area. in order to go back to the law office, i will have to pass by these side exits. actually, i could pass through the side exit but i felt like walking a bit so i used the main exit. anyway, as i was about to pass by the side exit, i noticed the lady lawyer i just saw at the main entrance using the side exit. i thought, "hmmm. interesting. why would she want to be dropped off at the main entrance only to exit at the side of the building? she just gave the impression she entered the building to attend a hearing but in fact...is she hiding something? so i followed her. yup. creepy tall guy mode. from the side exit, she went to the assessor's office area. i thought "is she going to secretly meet someone?" she just kept walking and i followed her from a distance. long story short. she ended going to the post office. damn it! she's just going to file a pleading and she must have forgotten she needs to furnish the other party a copy first. nothing interesting there. this just goes to show that when im bored, im bored.

another creepy tall guy incident happened a while ago. i went to this nearby burger joint and their waitress was pretty. i noticed she has no ring on her finger yet so i thought she's probably available. so in less than an hour of being in the establishment and a little observation here and there, i managed to get her full name without asking for it. people should be very careful with their private information. i dont think she has an ID or nametag but i still managed to get her full name even if the receipt only provides her first name. how? im good with research. the creepy part is, i managed to see her facebook profile and learned she already has a family, a baby thats less than a half a year old and some other personal information

thing is, im not even a pro in getting these kind of information. i just do it out of boredom, while waiting for a food order or while im walking back to the office just to amuse myself with what information i can gather. you never know what you might stumble upon. what more if the person is an intelligence operative or a stalker? come to think of it, ive been reckless with my personal information lately.

the more you know, the more you dont know

this is something my science teacher said when i was a freshman in high school. my classmates laughed at the thought. i was fascinated by it. now, it annoys me.

its 1am and i cant sleep. normally, im already fast asleep by this time. and i cant sleep because of the questions running in my head. a thought has been bothering me lately and somehow, the quote from Klaus (HIMYM S08E01) is somewhat relevant:

“There is a word in German: Lebenslangerschicksalsschatz. And the closest translation would be…'Lifelong Treasure of Destiny.' And Victoria is wunderbar, but she is not my Lebenslangerschicksalsschatz. She is my Beinaheleidenschaftsgegenstand, you know? It means…'the thing that is almost the thing that you want…but it’s not quite.' Lebenslangerschicksalsschatz is not something that develops over time. It is something that happens instantaneously.It courses through you like the water of a river after a storm…filling you and emptying you all at once. You feel it throughout your body…in your hands…in your heart…in your stomach…in your skin…Have you ever felt this way about someone? If you have to think about it, you have not felt it. Everyone [finds it] eventually. You just never know when or where." - Klaus

so my question is...or my questions are: if Beinaheleidenschaftsgegenstand is the thing that is almost the thing you want but not quite, does it mean that Lebenslangerschicksalsschatz is the perfect person for you? does everyone really find it eventually? what is instantaneous?

back in July 2008, i wrote a blog entry i entitled "the power of love" wherein i wrote that love, in its true form, is reserved for those who deserve it. therefore my position is, not everyone finds true love, simply because they're not prepared to have it or not fully capable to give it. maybe some feel it or experience it in such a fleeting manner that its gone before one realizes what he or she had. at least they experienced it. probably most of us will be lucky to have it within our respective lifetime but i think there are those unfortunate ones who die without even seeing a glimpse of it. they either look for it in the wrong places or they're too focused on the wrong person that they dont realize that all they had to do was turn around and see that true love was behind them all along. some are impatient that they fail to wait for that one person that's perfect for them. some are just plain stubborn or helplessly scared of experiencing something as real as true love. true love is one of life's greatest opportunity and its something that's easy to miss if youre not prepared to catch it. but if life sees you deserve it, life will equip you with what you need in order to recognize it, it would be the only thing you will see because youre ready to see it. my point is, true love is an elusive creature of mythical proportions that it wont simply walk into the door of each and every person, regardless whether they deserve to experience it or not. life reserves true love for everyone to experience but our journey through life will determine if we will be able to access this reserved opporunity.

love is a very personal experience and its not something that can be taught or learned. well, learned in an academic way, like searching the internet for tips and tricks. there's no hard and fast rule when it comes to love. each person experiences it differently, each person acquires it in their own peculiar or fascinating way. yet despite the experience of true love being unique in each and every person, it still doesnt change the fact that it is unique for everyone, thus there's a common denominator to it in order for the love a person has to be considered as true love. in my opinion, its being able to be selfish and selfless at the same time. selfish in a sense you love someone for it makes you happy and satisfied and you find comfort and happiness in knowing that the person you love is happy. selfless in a sense that youre willing to endure the greatest pain just to make the person you love happy or be in the best possible terms that you could do or give. simply put, its a love that is unconditional, like the way a parent's love should be. a love that doesnt break with each heartache. a love that grows strong every time its tested. a love that truly binds but does not smother or strangle its recipients.

but what's keeping me awake on this particular night isnt what i just discussed. its the question whether ive come across it. have i seen this elusive creature? have i felt it? i wish my answer is a definite "yes" or "no". if i were to believe Klaus, that it happens instantaneously, what the fuck does he mean by instantaneously? does he mean love at first sight? or does he mean that you suddenly see that you love this person? its possible that you suddenly find out you have feelings for someone you've known for quite sometime but you just failed to recognize it because your mind is a twisted fuck who refused to acknowledge it when you suddenly felt something for that person. so it doesnt mean it developed over time. well, actually, it sort of does. it also doesnt prevent the possibility that its a "love at first sight" sort of thing especially when it was the first time you saw the person in such light. that mid-afternoon sun is the culprit. sigh. i think im just trying to escape the possibility of "love at first sight" since its really irrational to suddenly like someone so much at the very first instance you saw the person. im not a believer of love at first sight. attraction yes. but love? i dont know. my mind is rejecting such possibility. its like im forcing myself to be confused about it or trying to convince myself that someone better will come along. i mean, it just cant be. there's got to be someone better. its stupid to like someone with so little information. im trying to think about it but i cant. its like reaching a dead end every time i try to analyze it. also, its almost 2am. it means my brain cells are already dead tired and craving sleep. i wish i can sleep now, now that ive unloaded these thoughts.

sing, until your lungs give out

ive been singing a lot lately. i sing in the morning when im getting ready for work. i sing in the evening while im checking my emails and browsing stuff on the internet. i sing during idle moments like sitting on a bench, waiting for something.

this started when i changed my state of mind (mid-september, almost three weeks ago). when i managed to put my positive self on the "driver's seat". so my negative self is just on the back seat, probably sulking. anyway, i think the reason for singing a lot isnt really because of the positive mood. but more of a manifestation of my talkative self. since i have no one to talk to, might as well just sing. instead of feeling frustrated that everyone's busy with their lives and no time to just sit and talk a while, might as well sing. since no one has enough energy to talk to me for hours on a daily basis and since no one has the same free time as i do, might as well sing. so singing is just a way to keep my sanity? actually, im insanely sane for a person of my personality. so its not a matter of keeping my sanity but more of not giving my negative self enough fuel to take back the driver's seat. i have reasons for bringing out this side of me at this moment in time and until i have done what i intend to do, negative self better stay put at the backseat.

this used to be the pensieve format

ive been roaming a lot lately. up and about but not yet bouncing off the walls. like this past week for example

last friday, i had a court hearing in the morning. i thought the pre-trial was going to push through but for the nth time, it didnt because the oppposing party filed a motion, which hasnt reached me because of the incredible pace of registered mail. so naturally, i asked for time to comment on such motion. right after the hearing, i headed to camp karingal to look for a detainee. i thought the camp was located near camp crame and camp aguinaldo. so after asking the police officer who happened to be at the Annapolis MRT station to go somewhere, i learned that the camp was located at Sikatuna and was just 15 minutes away from my law office.

i spent a couple of hours in camp karingal talking to the detainee, then off i went to the Securities and Exchange Commission only to be told its too late for me to check the case file so i just scheduled an appointment. since i was tired and sweaty since ive been to a lot of places already and the day was just about half over, i decided to look for a spa with body massage. checked megamall (the price was too high), shang ri la, greenhills and then back to megamall only to come back to the first spa i went to and found out they have a promo where i can get a much cheaper back massage with a n% discount (cant remember how much). then after the massage, had videoke with a couple of college friends until more or less 2am

the following day, had a lunch meeting with a high school friend. then went to cubao for dinner with my family since it was my father's birthday. then after the dinner, went to UP Ayala Technohub to check out the food there.

the following day, i was planning to watch a movie but since i was still feeling tired with what i did last friday and saturday, i decided to just sleep a bit more only to be told to go to my cousin's new restaurant for its opening. there i ate to my heart's content because most of the food i ate were free (as lawyer's fee for the camp karingal thing).

then monday, after finishing some legal research, im back to the Securities and Exchange Commission. ate some korean food then went to the spa i just went to last friday.

on tuesday, i watched Resident Evil on Imax. alone. because my movie buddy, the girl i used to date, is no longer talking to me. and i really liked this installment of Resident Evil because of Ada Wong. now im interested in buying the Resident Evil PS3 game. i want to see more Ada Wong.

then yesterday, i was at the NCMH for an exam, then went to megamall, then trinoma, then sm north, then back to my bed at home because i was really sleepy because i woke up at 4am.

and now thursday, i was planning to either jog or see a movie. that didnt happen. the rainy weather made me want to just stay at home and enjoy the cold air.

the thing is, with what im currently doing, it really makes me feel that the world is too slow for me. if some people can keep up, then well and good. if not, then...i will try to reach back and pull them with me. my previous attitude was, just leave them behind. now, im just going to drag them along if they can keep up with the ride. i dont know. right now, im not trying to think about things too much. if i notice im starting to give something too much thought, i drop the deep thought and act instead. my gut feel is always correct but it rarely kicks in. im training myself to bring out my gut feel more often. and im digressing

Nooooo!!! why S8E02!? why!?

why kill the character in HIMYM that i really like! damn it!!!!

well, not literally dead. its just, why cant she stay for at least half a season longer? or maybe the character isnt dead yet. maybe she's still going to remain as a "non-romantic partner" member of the cast? unlikely. but im hoping. maybe ive grown attached to the character because she reminds me of someone. maybe its a good thing the character is gone? i dont know. i just really liked her character. i think.

im no longer excited to watch episode 3. sigh.

cyber say what now?

so netizens are protesting the cyber crime law. i dont think we can blame most of the senators who signed it for such blunder (meaning there's a couple or maybe a single senator that can be held accountable for it). i mean, when you review a bill, its not as simple as just reading it (and im going to assume that our legislators involved in it had no ulterior motives in its passage). without going into the behind the scenes part, sometimes you ask the authors why the bill needs to be passed and by the time they read it, some of their minds have been conditioned the same way a salesperson conditions the mind of a buyer. you tend to miss some details, details that the salesperson wants the buyer not to notice. im not trying to protect the lapse made by the senators, im just saying we dont live in an ideal world and its not as simple as most people think. and this is already a very simplified version on how a draft bill is considered and reviewed in an ideally realistic setting.

im against the cyber crime law for the simple reason that it is prone to abuse and gives the unconstitutional license to abridge freedom of expression and free speech (so the law itself isnt as bad as it looks, if the State wont abuse its provisions. but like im going to discuss, its very unlikely that the law wont be abused). i think this is what the senators missed. we dont live in an ideal world. much as they want to "regulate", if not "supress" abusive use of the freedom of expression (like any freedom given by the Constitution, there's a limitation), the law, unfortunately, makes it possible for the "regulator" or the State to abuse the law as well. herein lies my problem with it. as Friedrich Engels said "some laws of state aimed at curbing crime are more criminal". if only there's an assurance that the law wont be abused, the law itself can achieve its ends without trampling on the citizens' constitutionally given freedoms. unfortunately, with the current state of the law, the government cannot give such assurance. sure no law is perfect, but not because no law is perfect means we arent going to strive to make it better. thats why amendments can be made. to make it adapt to the changing socio-political and economic environment. i think what pissed off the netizens is that this law is so imperfect that obvious amendments could have been done before its passage.

in a completely unrelated note, one senator is saying that the provisions on libel is needed because of the abusive conduct of netizens. im sorry but ive been receiving such "abusive conduct" since grade school from my grade school teachers during class, with manifest malicious intent, yet that didnt bother me for the simple reason that im not insecure or gosh darn sensitive. ive been called names, insulted without much provocation and all i did was prove them wrong. i didnt cry about it. i didnt whine about it. i didnt ask anyone to shut them people up. why? because i was mature enough, at the age of 9, to handle criticism, whether baseless or not. you make your own reputation. other people wont be able to tarnish your reputation if you are a well-respected person. people will defend you, will act on your behalf, if you are a person worth protecting. now, if you cant handle people calling you names, you must really think of yourself as someone so high and mighty with a god-complex. you dont demand respect. you earn it.

holy crap! what does it mean!?

im still haunted by the two digit number 59. is it psychological? i dont think so. there came a time (maybe a week or two) that i didnt see or notice the number. but since last week, ive been encountering it frequently. again!

its on my stored value MRT ticket (balance: P59.00). its on the digital clock when i check the time (the time is 9:59). its on my receipt (your change is P20.59). its my order number (your order will be given in 10 minutes sir, here's your queue number: 59). so is it like jim carrey's film the number 23? i better check my fantasy basketball roster and see if i drafted a player with a 59 jersey. maybe he's going to be my lucky player. i cant really see any reason why i keep noticing the number 59. certainly, it cant correspond to number of days or months since there's no starting day or month to peg on. i cant recall when i started to feel i was being haunted by this number. i certainly hope it does not correspond to the age of the woman im going to like. thats just...unimaginable. age of my death? it doesnt make sense to be aware of it now. is it really just meaningless? the universe's way of playing a joke? well, i can see the humor in it. or is it a sign like the little black dress? or is the little black dress a joke too? meh. in any case, im going to shrug it off since its really vague. this is just a note to self