will august bring the rain?

at this moment, im not that worried about august. or maybe i just dont want to worry about it.

not that im expecting it to be kind to me this year and not give me tons of unfortunate shit but it just so happens that ive been through a lot of shit already. whatever august has in store for me...well, it could just simply be another bunch of unfortunate shit ive been having since the first half of this year...or could finally send me to my tipping point.

my optimist self is saying that in any case, its a good thing for me. "whatever" replies my pessimist self. "whatever doesnt kill me will make me harder, better, faster and stronger" says my optimist self. pessimist self replies with a dead pan expression saying, "i love your sense of humor. it tickles every inch of my body. we can take august on any time with that kind of attitude and it wont hurt. not one bit." optimist self just smiles back. i think im going to have a lot of this optimist-pessimist shit next month.

if ever august is the month that will bring the rain, i just hope that the shit ive been through changed me enough that i will still be standing once the rain is over. im really getting tired with all the crap the other months have given me.

i initially wanted to write something like me challenging august to bring the rain. that after all the shit ive been through, august can do me no wrong. then i realized, im really tired. i dont want to put up with any more shit. i want a ceasefire from shit being thrown at me. but then again, thats not how it goes. i just dont know where i will get the energy to take august on in case its the one that will bring the rain. i feel old and weak. crap..