by this time last year, i was eager to get a job. ive been thinking about it as early as two weeks before the bar exams. i would have wanted to take a vacation because of the awfully draining months of reviewing but given my financial status then, i had to get a job. ever since i started working in 2009 (yep, i only started working in 2009, half a decade after graduating from college), i dont want to be financially dependent on my parents. my bank account was so depleted that i would be forced to use my medical emergency funds if i dont get a job in a week (i always make sure i have enough money for a not so expensive medical emergency). so right after the bar exams, i was already updating my resume. and by the middle of the week of the last week of september 2010, i was already submitting one of them resumes to a particular government office in makati (and i never got a call from such office).
after months of reviewing, i only got seven days of rest. on the eighth day after the bar exams, i started working in a nearby law office. i really wish i took a longer vacation. i wanted to just bum around. but given that i dont really have any money left, and bumming around isnt really free (im too old to be a freeloader. well, there is no age limit to be a freeloader but...i just dont feel like being one at the moment), i became determined to get a job as soon as possible.
when i started working, i honestly thought that i had a 50-50 chance of passing the bar (i was doing okay during the first two bar sundays but i started messing things up on the third and fourth bar sunday). its because of this that i convinced myself to start working. if i dont pass the bar exams, i will have to repeat the bar review process all over again. so i need to earn some money again in order to pay for the expenses for the second take (i used up all the money i saved when i worked for 10 months in an NGO. actually, i had to take a part time job during the bar review because the money i saved by working in the NGO wasnt enough to cover hotel expenses). so i started making computations, how much it will cost me, how much i need to save, etc. (for a person who claims to hate math, i do a lot of computations. well, i dont really hate the simple arithmetic stuff). so i was already making plans in the event i failed the bar exams. i was not only trying to recover financially but also trying to earn enough money for a worst case scenario.
fast forward one year later. i dont need to take the bar exams again. i used the money i saved to buy a laptop for my sister to replace the laptop i took from her (the one im currently using). but im not really better off financially compared to last year. im near to where i started a year ago --- almost bankrupt. only this time, i can last a month before im forced to use my medical emergency funds. why? medical expenses and medical procedures which arent really emergencies but serious enough that it cant be ignored and must be given attention as soon as possible. also bought a new desktop PC. there are also bills to pay, groceries, and other miscellaneous expenses which slows down my financial recovery from the stuff that depleted my funds recently.
i may be the type of person who doesnt really dream of becoming rich but im the type of person who becomes less stressed when im financially stable. thats why its a big deal for me to earn enough money so i can spend freely without much worries and feel some sense of security about the future. but i dont aim to earn more than i what i really need.
Thursday, September 29, 2011
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
absence of electricity contributes a lot to non-productivity
i woke up to a text message earlier today that informed me that government offices wont be open today. crap. i need to revise a pleading again. i need to adjust the dates i indicated in it (dates are really important for this pleading). it was supposed to be filed yesterday but since im too busy to personally take care of it (i had to attend a hearing that i requested to be scheduled in the morning but was scheduled in the afternoon), i suggested that it be filed today. so i edited it yesterday to make it ready for filing today. since the government office wont be open, it would be delayed for another day.
when i went to my law office earlier this morning (so i experienced the strong winds which rendered my umbrella useless) to work since there was no electricity at home, i found out there was no electricity there too. so i decided to just get the case file for tomorrow's hearing for another case and i will just have to go to work very early tomorrow to edit the pleading before i go to court (since the final version is saved inside the office computer and i need to finalize it quickly because i need to meet a client in the afternoon). the suspension today isnt really doing me any good. work just piles up.
at least i was able to test my bag. i stopped using my backpack last july when i brought it to The Travel Club to be repaired. ive been using it since 2003 so naturally, wear and tear has set in. its bottom part was already starting to have holes because the fabric was already thin due to constant usage. so i bought myself a new one. i wanted another jansport bag because ive tested its durability but the material used now by jansport isnt the same one as the jansport bag i own. i prefer the old material over the current one (all the salespersons ive talked to keep telling me that the new material is much more durable but still, im not convinced. besides, i really dont like its texture. i really like the old fabric). also, i need to switch to a bag which is good to use when i go to court (although a backpack is ok, its not really convenient to carry case files in it and i end up with a crumpled court attire. but in terms of comfort, a backpack is still the most comfortable and efficient to carry). after weeks of looking for a nice bag, i decided to get the Belkin Stride 360 Messenger (its not perfect but its the best i can find given my limited budget and the limited period i have. i dont have any other bag i can use once i send my jansport bag for repair). it can carry case files neatly (the fit is perfect) and i can securely place my laptop in it. i like where the compartments are placed and i can quickly get things from it efficiently. it also looks durable too. but what i havent tested is its claim that its water-resistant. sure it got wet before, when i used it while walking in the rain and the contents didnt get wet but those times involved just ordinary rain. and my umbrella was able to do its part in making sure i dont get wet with my bag. so the weather today was a good test to find out how much rain water it can withstand (since the usual contents of my bag are my laptop and case files, and both items shouldnt get wet). knowing how bad the weather is, i didnt bring my laptop but i brought a thin case file (which i placed in a plastic envelope just to make sure). so out i went to face the strong winds and the pouring rain. i had to stop using the umbrella from time to time because of the strong wind. naturally, i got wet from head to toe because of the erratic wind direction and the occasional strong downpour. my bag was dripping wet too when i reached the office. i then opened it to check if its inside portion got wet. holy shit. it resisted the rain water and it resisted it well. the inside portion was really dry. even if the wind was blowing in every direction and i had to stop using the umbrella, and i got really wet, and its not even the type of bag that's really sealed since its a messenger bag, it still managed to keep my things inside it dry. and it dries quickly too. after seeing how well my bag did today, its only now that i can say that im satisfied with my purchase. it may not be a good looking bag (thats why i said its not perfect because i really dont like the way it looks) but it really gets the job done. or it really serves its purpose very well.
i just looked at my bag and gave it a thumbs up.
when i went to my law office earlier this morning (so i experienced the strong winds which rendered my umbrella useless) to work since there was no electricity at home, i found out there was no electricity there too. so i decided to just get the case file for tomorrow's hearing for another case and i will just have to go to work very early tomorrow to edit the pleading before i go to court (since the final version is saved inside the office computer and i need to finalize it quickly because i need to meet a client in the afternoon). the suspension today isnt really doing me any good. work just piles up.
at least i was able to test my bag. i stopped using my backpack last july when i brought it to The Travel Club to be repaired. ive been using it since 2003 so naturally, wear and tear has set in. its bottom part was already starting to have holes because the fabric was already thin due to constant usage. so i bought myself a new one. i wanted another jansport bag because ive tested its durability but the material used now by jansport isnt the same one as the jansport bag i own. i prefer the old material over the current one (all the salespersons ive talked to keep telling me that the new material is much more durable but still, im not convinced. besides, i really dont like its texture. i really like the old fabric). also, i need to switch to a bag which is good to use when i go to court (although a backpack is ok, its not really convenient to carry case files in it and i end up with a crumpled court attire. but in terms of comfort, a backpack is still the most comfortable and efficient to carry). after weeks of looking for a nice bag, i decided to get the Belkin Stride 360 Messenger (its not perfect but its the best i can find given my limited budget and the limited period i have. i dont have any other bag i can use once i send my jansport bag for repair). it can carry case files neatly (the fit is perfect) and i can securely place my laptop in it. i like where the compartments are placed and i can quickly get things from it efficiently. it also looks durable too. but what i havent tested is its claim that its water-resistant. sure it got wet before, when i used it while walking in the rain and the contents didnt get wet but those times involved just ordinary rain. and my umbrella was able to do its part in making sure i dont get wet with my bag. so the weather today was a good test to find out how much rain water it can withstand (since the usual contents of my bag are my laptop and case files, and both items shouldnt get wet). knowing how bad the weather is, i didnt bring my laptop but i brought a thin case file (which i placed in a plastic envelope just to make sure). so out i went to face the strong winds and the pouring rain. i had to stop using the umbrella from time to time because of the strong wind. naturally, i got wet from head to toe because of the erratic wind direction and the occasional strong downpour. my bag was dripping wet too when i reached the office. i then opened it to check if its inside portion got wet. holy shit. it resisted the rain water and it resisted it well. the inside portion was really dry. even if the wind was blowing in every direction and i had to stop using the umbrella, and i got really wet, and its not even the type of bag that's really sealed since its a messenger bag, it still managed to keep my things inside it dry. and it dries quickly too. after seeing how well my bag did today, its only now that i can say that im satisfied with my purchase. it may not be a good looking bag (thats why i said its not perfect because i really dont like the way it looks) but it really gets the job done. or it really serves its purpose very well.
i just looked at my bag and gave it a thumbs up.
Monday, September 26, 2011
three hundred sixty five days ago?
by this time last year...i was probably sleeping already after using up my remaining strength for the last bar sunday.
usually, i finish the exam 30 minutes before the end of the allocated time (i spend the last 25-30 minutes reviewing my answers. if i can still edit it, i edit it. there's such a thing as "marking" so erasures must be avoided as much as possible). such wasnt the case for the last bar subject. it was the only time that the school bell rang and i wasnt even reviewing my answers yet. my left had was already in pain by the third bar sunday. i was already losing control over it by the fourth bar sunday. i had to take breaks while answering the last bar subject (which includes legal forms) because my left hand was no longer following instructions from my brain. my fingers and my pen strokes were starting to have a life of its own. thats why i took longer than usual. also, i was really exhausted mentally that i also spent time convincing myself not to give up during the exam. since i have the tendency to just drop things when ive had enough or when im really tired, i was starting to entertain the thought of just answering anything and just be finished with it. its really hard to squeeze one's brain when one no longer has the energy to squeeze. my eyes were also really tired too.
when i stepped out of the exam room that afternoon, even when im fully aware that im done with the exams, i just went on autopilot. i just want to use enough brainpower to get back to the hotel, claim my stuff, and go home. fortunately, my body reserved enough energy for me to have the strength to commute (i was almost bankrupt by that time so i cant really afford to ride a taxi). in all the bar sundays, except the first one, i always went home by riding the crowded MRT. sometimes i have to wait for half an hour for a train where i can fit since i have three bags with me, filled with reviewers, clothing and a laptop. thats why while lining up to buy the train ticket, i was thinking of blogging something about the MRT commute experience. there must be some better way to operate this mode of public transport (just finished the bar exams and i was already thinking of something which required a lot of brain cells)
it was also exactly one year ago when the bar exam blast happened. fortunately, i told my family not to wait for me outside the gates of la salle. i told them to just wait for me at trinoma. when i got there, we had dinner at the trinoma foodcourt and i ordered me self some korean food. then we went home, i unpacked my stuff and slept.
usually, i finish the exam 30 minutes before the end of the allocated time (i spend the last 25-30 minutes reviewing my answers. if i can still edit it, i edit it. there's such a thing as "marking" so erasures must be avoided as much as possible). such wasnt the case for the last bar subject. it was the only time that the school bell rang and i wasnt even reviewing my answers yet. my left had was already in pain by the third bar sunday. i was already losing control over it by the fourth bar sunday. i had to take breaks while answering the last bar subject (which includes legal forms) because my left hand was no longer following instructions from my brain. my fingers and my pen strokes were starting to have a life of its own. thats why i took longer than usual. also, i was really exhausted mentally that i also spent time convincing myself not to give up during the exam. since i have the tendency to just drop things when ive had enough or when im really tired, i was starting to entertain the thought of just answering anything and just be finished with it. its really hard to squeeze one's brain when one no longer has the energy to squeeze. my eyes were also really tired too.
when i stepped out of the exam room that afternoon, even when im fully aware that im done with the exams, i just went on autopilot. i just want to use enough brainpower to get back to the hotel, claim my stuff, and go home. fortunately, my body reserved enough energy for me to have the strength to commute (i was almost bankrupt by that time so i cant really afford to ride a taxi). in all the bar sundays, except the first one, i always went home by riding the crowded MRT. sometimes i have to wait for half an hour for a train where i can fit since i have three bags with me, filled with reviewers, clothing and a laptop. thats why while lining up to buy the train ticket, i was thinking of blogging something about the MRT commute experience. there must be some better way to operate this mode of public transport (just finished the bar exams and i was already thinking of something which required a lot of brain cells)
it was also exactly one year ago when the bar exam blast happened. fortunately, i told my family not to wait for me outside the gates of la salle. i told them to just wait for me at trinoma. when i got there, we had dinner at the trinoma foodcourt and i ordered me self some korean food. then we went home, i unpacked my stuff and slept.
Sunday, September 25, 2011
it will end in less than 24 hours
by this time last year, i was already drained. my confidence was further depleted by the third sunday subjects (i focused too much on a particular subject under commercial law and i relied on the wrong reviewer for criminal law). to make things worse, i really dont have a thing for remedial law. i dropped civil procedure during law school, which eventually led to my one year delay in finishing my law studies. as for ethics and legal forms, its difficult to prepare for it because it seems so simple.
during the latter half of the bar exams, there were less visitors during saturdays. so im really close to losing it and just dropping everything (because the isolation, surprisingly, was driving me nuts). good thing there's a part of me that never quits (which only contradicts me on crucial moments). usually, i just give up and do something else because its bothersome to persevere. so my non-quitter self isnt something i can summon. it just pops up when it thinks it has to or when it feels like it. fortunately, it thought the bar exams isnt something worth giving up. so i just kept telling myself then that i managed to finish three bar sundays, one more bar sunday couldnt be that bad (although the effort that's needed for it was really something ive never experienced before). the thing is, at this point, with not much confidence left, and being drained emotionally, physically and mentally, it really becomes difficult to keep moving forward. the whole ordeal was immensely tiring. and im someone who really has a very low stamina. speed is my field of expertise, not endurance. i try to finish things quickly because i cant stand prolonged physical and mental effort (in addition to getting tired, i get bored). thats why i had to keep telling myself that its just one more sunday. my body really wanted to give up already and just rest. thankfully, that small part of me managed to convince me to get up the following sunday and finish the bar exams.
during the latter half of the bar exams, there were less visitors during saturdays. so im really close to losing it and just dropping everything (because the isolation, surprisingly, was driving me nuts). good thing there's a part of me that never quits (which only contradicts me on crucial moments). usually, i just give up and do something else because its bothersome to persevere. so my non-quitter self isnt something i can summon. it just pops up when it thinks it has to or when it feels like it. fortunately, it thought the bar exams isnt something worth giving up. so i just kept telling myself then that i managed to finish three bar sundays, one more bar sunday couldnt be that bad (although the effort that's needed for it was really something ive never experienced before). the thing is, at this point, with not much confidence left, and being drained emotionally, physically and mentally, it really becomes difficult to keep moving forward. the whole ordeal was immensely tiring. and im someone who really has a very low stamina. speed is my field of expertise, not endurance. i try to finish things quickly because i cant stand prolonged physical and mental effort (in addition to getting tired, i get bored). thats why i had to keep telling myself that its just one more sunday. my body really wanted to give up already and just rest. thankfully, that small part of me managed to convince me to get up the following sunday and finish the bar exams.
Thursday, September 22, 2011
i got married on september 24
well, if im going to believe my dream a while ago. and i got married in Cambodia to some non-cambodian asian hottie (someone who looked like NS Yoon Ji with less korean features. or like bianca gonzalez, only more chinita). ha! in my dreams! and that is what literally happened.
even im a person who's not going to get married, im not surprised to have such a dream since i watched HIMYM last night and that infuenced my dream earlier this morning. and as usual (meaning this isnt the first time i dreamt of getting married), i got married because of some sort of deal. business related deal or something to that effect. whenever i get married in my dreams, there's some level of professionality, and convincing people that the marriage is grounded on the common notion that its based on some emotional relationship when its really meant to attain something perfectly rational, where getting married is the only effective means to an end. its like having a "lets pull this one off and get it over with" kind of thing.
for a person who doesnt really care about getting married, i do attend a lot of weddings. i just attended one earlier this month. i rarely miss weddings. the only weddings i miss are the ones where im not really close to the one getting married.
i dont know why i frequently attend weddings. maybe i recognize the fact that its supposed to be a once in a lifetime thing, like death (since we dont have divorce here). so im more likely to attend it compared to a birthday party which is a yearly thing. now that i think about it, i dont really enjoy attending it but i attend weddings anyway because i see its significance. i guess. and i dont see myself getting married, not only because its very unlikely but also because i really dont see myself in such a situation when i try to think about it now. i simply cannot imagine it. i dont feel i want to get married either (although i think i could get married for a very good reason). i seriously see a marriage as a lifetime contract and putting "lifetime" and "contract" together doesnt really look enticing. but since i view it as a contract, if the terms and conditions are good, then the contract may be worth giving some thought.
even im a person who's not going to get married, im not surprised to have such a dream since i watched HIMYM last night and that infuenced my dream earlier this morning. and as usual (meaning this isnt the first time i dreamt of getting married), i got married because of some sort of deal. business related deal or something to that effect. whenever i get married in my dreams, there's some level of professionality, and convincing people that the marriage is grounded on the common notion that its based on some emotional relationship when its really meant to attain something perfectly rational, where getting married is the only effective means to an end. its like having a "lets pull this one off and get it over with" kind of thing.
for a person who doesnt really care about getting married, i do attend a lot of weddings. i just attended one earlier this month. i rarely miss weddings. the only weddings i miss are the ones where im not really close to the one getting married.
i dont know why i frequently attend weddings. maybe i recognize the fact that its supposed to be a once in a lifetime thing, like death (since we dont have divorce here). so im more likely to attend it compared to a birthday party which is a yearly thing. now that i think about it, i dont really enjoy attending it but i attend weddings anyway because i see its significance. i guess. and i dont see myself getting married, not only because its very unlikely but also because i really dont see myself in such a situation when i try to think about it now. i simply cannot imagine it. i dont feel i want to get married either (although i think i could get married for a very good reason). i seriously see a marriage as a lifetime contract and putting "lifetime" and "contract" together doesnt really look enticing. but since i view it as a contract, if the terms and conditions are good, then the contract may be worth giving some thought.
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
do i look like a crystal?
i attended a hearing yesterday and since it was my first time to attend the case, i introduced myself. most of the time, people would say "christian" (for some reason, only the Taco Bell cashiers get it right the first time when they ask for my name). but yesterday, the judge thought it was "crystal". so when he was already reciting the order in open court, i corrected him about my name. seriously, do i look like a "crystal"?
its not the first time someone heard my name as "crystal". back in college, i called a college friend at her home and her mother thought the caller was someone named "crystal". so when her mother told my college friend that some person named "crystal" was calling, she was absolutely clueless who it was. when she realized it was me, she said she wanted to say to her mother that if she only knew who the caller was, the name "crystal" wouldnt even cross her mind.
the other person who made the "crystal" mistake was me. back in law school, some professors use our first name when calling us to recite in class. i had a blockmate with such name and when i was being called, i thought our professor was calling her. thats why i wasnt responding. the professor thought i was just playing dumb to avoid the recitation (since i already did some stupid stunts in the same class to avoid recitation. one was saying im going to pass when its not even allowed. my seatmate noticed that i read the case but i still refused to recite it. she asked why didnt i just recite the case when based from my readings, i studied it. i just said im not in the mood to recite. she just looked at me with a concerned look on her face. the other stupid stunt was by stepping out of the classroom because i know the order of people who were about to recite and i was next. the professor even had to check i wasnt just roaming around outside and waiting for the class to end. while i was out, he asked my classmate who just went out after me if he saw me in the restroom. he said yes. actually, we didnt see each other because i wasnt in the restroom, i went to the nearby store to buy some food because i was bored in class and i wanted to avoid recitation. good thing i said i was at the restroom when the professor asked where ive been. it was risky for my classmate to cover for me but fortunately, we had the same answer. of course, the professor still didnt believe us because i took too long to come back).
its not the first time someone heard my name as "crystal". back in college, i called a college friend at her home and her mother thought the caller was someone named "crystal". so when her mother told my college friend that some person named "crystal" was calling, she was absolutely clueless who it was. when she realized it was me, she said she wanted to say to her mother that if she only knew who the caller was, the name "crystal" wouldnt even cross her mind.
the other person who made the "crystal" mistake was me. back in law school, some professors use our first name when calling us to recite in class. i had a blockmate with such name and when i was being called, i thought our professor was calling her. thats why i wasnt responding. the professor thought i was just playing dumb to avoid the recitation (since i already did some stupid stunts in the same class to avoid recitation. one was saying im going to pass when its not even allowed. my seatmate noticed that i read the case but i still refused to recite it. she asked why didnt i just recite the case when based from my readings, i studied it. i just said im not in the mood to recite. she just looked at me with a concerned look on her face. the other stupid stunt was by stepping out of the classroom because i know the order of people who were about to recite and i was next. the professor even had to check i wasnt just roaming around outside and waiting for the class to end. while i was out, he asked my classmate who just went out after me if he saw me in the restroom. he said yes. actually, we didnt see each other because i wasnt in the restroom, i went to the nearby store to buy some food because i was bored in class and i wanted to avoid recitation. good thing i said i was at the restroom when the professor asked where ive been. it was risky for my classmate to cover for me but fortunately, we had the same answer. of course, the professor still didnt believe us because i took too long to come back).
Monday, September 19, 2011
give me sight beyond sight
while i was walking home from work this afternoon, i noticed how good my peripheral vision was. not that its the first time i noticed it but im glad to realize that its still good.
more than a half a decade ago, a friend asked whether i had eyes at the back of my head. we were in a covered court and i was texting. my friend was standing in front of me watching the basketball game behind me. then without lifting my head, while continuing texting, i tilted my head to the right to avoid the basketball coming from behind that could have grazed my left ear if i didnt move my head slightly. he was puzzled how i knew that there was a ball coming at me from behind when i was busy texting. i replied it was because of his facial expression and hand gestures. since he was standing right in front of me, he was in my peripheral vision while i was texting. i noticed that he was looking upward, slightly to my left side and his arms were preparing to catch something. given the direction of his line of sight and the way he was stretching my arms, my brain, through my peripheral vision, managed to calculate where the ball will be coming from. instinctively, i tilted my head. of course, luck was also a factor since i have no idea how fast the ball was so if i didnt tilt my head fast enough, it would have hit me. all my peripheral vision and my brain could do is calculate the trajectory. also, since i dont like moving a lot, or wasting unnecessary energy (as one college friend said, im an energy saving device where all my movements are calculated, trying not to waste any energy), instead of moving to the right, i just tilted my head thinking that if my calculations are correct, that would suffice to avoid the ball. and i did all this without giving it much thought since i was focused on texting. ive developed an instinct to be mindful of my surroundings through my peripheral vision.
i think this also explains why when another friend tried to grab my arnis sticks from behind, he was surprised that he wasnt able to snatch it despite stealthily sneaking behind me. my hands automatically tightened its grip when it felt someone was trying to suddenly grab my arnis sticks. i was really alert then. or my reflexes were really good. now, i think its time to do something to improve it (i realized with the weight i gained, my physical body naturally became slower and its having difficulties keeping up with my brain signals. ever since i was a kid, i relied on speed, flexibility and agility. and since i dont exercise, even with the added weight, it does not automatically convert itself to strength. at least my sense of coordination is still good but my brain is starting to notice that my body feels different with its new weight). back in august 2009 and january 2010, i fell victim to pickpockets. that should have served as a wake up call that im not as mindful of my surroundings anymore. i just shrugged it off as misfortune.
well, at least my peripheral vision is still good. i still notice the slightest movements at the corner of my eye. i can easily see a mouse at my outermost corner of my eye even when im watching TV programs with subtitles. and im still good at sensing vehicles behind me by observing the facial expressions of persons and movements of other vehicles in front of me without being mindful of it.
more than a half a decade ago, a friend asked whether i had eyes at the back of my head. we were in a covered court and i was texting. my friend was standing in front of me watching the basketball game behind me. then without lifting my head, while continuing texting, i tilted my head to the right to avoid the basketball coming from behind that could have grazed my left ear if i didnt move my head slightly. he was puzzled how i knew that there was a ball coming at me from behind when i was busy texting. i replied it was because of his facial expression and hand gestures. since he was standing right in front of me, he was in my peripheral vision while i was texting. i noticed that he was looking upward, slightly to my left side and his arms were preparing to catch something. given the direction of his line of sight and the way he was stretching my arms, my brain, through my peripheral vision, managed to calculate where the ball will be coming from. instinctively, i tilted my head. of course, luck was also a factor since i have no idea how fast the ball was so if i didnt tilt my head fast enough, it would have hit me. all my peripheral vision and my brain could do is calculate the trajectory. also, since i dont like moving a lot, or wasting unnecessary energy (as one college friend said, im an energy saving device where all my movements are calculated, trying not to waste any energy), instead of moving to the right, i just tilted my head thinking that if my calculations are correct, that would suffice to avoid the ball. and i did all this without giving it much thought since i was focused on texting. ive developed an instinct to be mindful of my surroundings through my peripheral vision.
i think this also explains why when another friend tried to grab my arnis sticks from behind, he was surprised that he wasnt able to snatch it despite stealthily sneaking behind me. my hands automatically tightened its grip when it felt someone was trying to suddenly grab my arnis sticks. i was really alert then. or my reflexes were really good. now, i think its time to do something to improve it (i realized with the weight i gained, my physical body naturally became slower and its having difficulties keeping up with my brain signals. ever since i was a kid, i relied on speed, flexibility and agility. and since i dont exercise, even with the added weight, it does not automatically convert itself to strength. at least my sense of coordination is still good but my brain is starting to notice that my body feels different with its new weight). back in august 2009 and january 2010, i fell victim to pickpockets. that should have served as a wake up call that im not as mindful of my surroundings anymore. i just shrugged it off as misfortune.
well, at least my peripheral vision is still good. i still notice the slightest movements at the corner of my eye. i can easily see a mouse at my outermost corner of my eye even when im watching TV programs with subtitles. and im still good at sensing vehicles behind me by observing the facial expressions of persons and movements of other vehicles in front of me without being mindful of it.
Sunday, September 18, 2011
i was halfway through
by this time last year, i was preparing for the third installment of the bar exams. commercial law and criminal law. like the first bar sunday, i had to borrow a codal from a friend. i managed to finish law school (and the bar review), without having a corporation law codal. i just used a soft copy of it i found in the internet. since gadgets like cellphones and laptops arent allowed in the examination room, i had to borrow a codal which i can use for last minute reviewing inside the room.
i remember two mistakes i made during the third review week. one, i focused too much on corporation law when there are other law subjects that fall under commercial law (like intellectual property law, insolvency law, insurance law, negotiable instruments, banking law, agency and partnership, etc.). a friend asked me the week before which week i was worried about and i said its the 2nd week because of taxation law. he then asked, shouldnt it be third week? only then that i realized what he meant. since commercial law isnt as "coherent" like the other fields, composed of bits and pieces of legislation here and there, it can get a bit difficult to review it, especially with very limited time. at least taxation law is much more..."solid" as a field of law. commercial law has a wide range of subjects similar to civil law but its concepts can be more difficult to grasp. anyway, i focused too much on corporation law because i thought the bulk of the questions would be under this subject. i was wrong. the questions were almost equally divided in the different subjects under it, trying to give equal importance to each subject. fortunately, i took some of these subjects as electives (like banking law and intellectual property law). fortunately again, i had some stocked knowledge from these elective subjects.
my second mistake is my choice of reviewer. only after the third bar sunday did i learn that one law school intentionally releases pre-week reviewers with mistakes on it. i have relied on it for the first three sundays. and i have noticed some of the mistakes but i thought they were just honest mistakes. only when a fellow bar examinee told me that such school has a reputation of releasing reviewers with mistakes in it, to mislead the other examinees like me, did i learn about it. crap. thats why i got the last question for criminal law wrong. well, not entirely wrong but i would say i can only get partial points for it because of the wrong term i used.
i remember two mistakes i made during the third review week. one, i focused too much on corporation law when there are other law subjects that fall under commercial law (like intellectual property law, insolvency law, insurance law, negotiable instruments, banking law, agency and partnership, etc.). a friend asked me the week before which week i was worried about and i said its the 2nd week because of taxation law. he then asked, shouldnt it be third week? only then that i realized what he meant. since commercial law isnt as "coherent" like the other fields, composed of bits and pieces of legislation here and there, it can get a bit difficult to review it, especially with very limited time. at least taxation law is much more..."solid" as a field of law. commercial law has a wide range of subjects similar to civil law but its concepts can be more difficult to grasp. anyway, i focused too much on corporation law because i thought the bulk of the questions would be under this subject. i was wrong. the questions were almost equally divided in the different subjects under it, trying to give equal importance to each subject. fortunately, i took some of these subjects as electives (like banking law and intellectual property law). fortunately again, i had some stocked knowledge from these elective subjects.
my second mistake is my choice of reviewer. only after the third bar sunday did i learn that one law school intentionally releases pre-week reviewers with mistakes on it. i have relied on it for the first three sundays. and i have noticed some of the mistakes but i thought they were just honest mistakes. only when a fellow bar examinee told me that such school has a reputation of releasing reviewers with mistakes in it, to mislead the other examinees like me, did i learn about it. crap. thats why i got the last question for criminal law wrong. well, not entirely wrong but i would say i can only get partial points for it because of the wrong term i used.
Friday, September 16, 2011
i feel like a sloth
"today i just dont feel like doing anything. i just want to lay in my bed."
woke up today with a boulder of laziness on my shoulder (or a cloak of laziness...or a cloud of laziness over my head...whatever, im too lazy to really think of something better...point is im feeling extremely lazy). i had to ask myself whether its already saturday. i answered its only friday and i need to get up to go to the office (i like my morning conversations with myself. there was a time i felt like i was in some negotiation table, arguing against myself how much longer i should sleep before i get up to go to work. can i afford 5 minutes? can i extend it to 10? will be 15 minutes be too much or could i still manage to have enough time? of course the other side was arguing that i need to get at that moment. then i start editing my pleading in my head while in a half-asleep mode so by the time im going to edit it in my office, i already have the revisions ready to save time and make up for the extended sleep i took. yep. there are times im already "half-working" while half-conscious because my mind is much clearer during this period)
anyway, it took me an hour before i managed to leave my bed and go to the living room. since i was feeling extremely lazy, i just sat in front of the TV, waiting for the drowsiness to wear off, which was trying to pull me back to my bed. another hour passed before i finished getting dressed to go to work. it took me five minutes just to wear my shoes because i really didnt want to put them on. i just want to lie down again in my bed.
now, im sitting in my office, with an MS word file containing a pleading im supposed to be finalizing. and im just too drowsy to work. i want to go to back to sleep. normally, i would get some nice cup of coffee but the nearby Mcdonalds is still under renovation, im not that desperate to go to starbucks and i dont feel like drinking 7-11's crappy coffee. i think today will be a very unproductive day (unless motivation kicks in from out of the blue)
woke up today with a boulder of laziness on my shoulder (or a cloak of laziness...or a cloud of laziness over my head...whatever, im too lazy to really think of something better...point is im feeling extremely lazy). i had to ask myself whether its already saturday. i answered its only friday and i need to get up to go to the office (i like my morning conversations with myself. there was a time i felt like i was in some negotiation table, arguing against myself how much longer i should sleep before i get up to go to work. can i afford 5 minutes? can i extend it to 10? will be 15 minutes be too much or could i still manage to have enough time? of course the other side was arguing that i need to get at that moment. then i start editing my pleading in my head while in a half-asleep mode so by the time im going to edit it in my office, i already have the revisions ready to save time and make up for the extended sleep i took. yep. there are times im already "half-working" while half-conscious because my mind is much clearer during this period)
anyway, it took me an hour before i managed to leave my bed and go to the living room. since i was feeling extremely lazy, i just sat in front of the TV, waiting for the drowsiness to wear off, which was trying to pull me back to my bed. another hour passed before i finished getting dressed to go to work. it took me five minutes just to wear my shoes because i really didnt want to put them on. i just want to lie down again in my bed.
now, im sitting in my office, with an MS word file containing a pleading im supposed to be finalizing. and im just too drowsy to work. i want to go to back to sleep. normally, i would get some nice cup of coffee but the nearby Mcdonalds is still under renovation, im not that desperate to go to starbucks and i dont feel like drinking 7-11's crappy coffee. i think today will be a very unproductive day (unless motivation kicks in from out of the blue)
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
still hooked
during one of the bar saturdays, most likely the first bar saturday, some friends dropped by my hotel room and caught me watching this video. well, when i let them enter the room, i forgot the video was playing (i was playing it over and over and over again). i only noticed that it was still playing when we were already talking and some of them were watching it. i dont know. for some reason, i quickly closed the video player when i noticed that they saw what i was watching (i acted like it was some distraction to the conversation). back then, i wasnt that comfortable being seen as someone who likes a kpop girl group (although my blog entries then would seem to say otherwise). of course now, things are much different. one year later, i no longer watch their music videos secretly in my laptop. i watch it at our living room, through my PS3 on a large TV.
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
she suddenly popped in my head last week, from out of the blue
sometimes i ask myself why i do the things i do, why i do things that i dont expect or inconsistent with what i just said or done. the best answer i could give is that i shouldnt forget about my "multiple personalities"
speaking of multiple personalities (the intro has really nothing to do with this blog entry except for the two words in quotations, which is remotely related to what im about to discuss), this is why i liked a particular girl back in college (she didnt have multiple personalities but she stated something somewhat similar). around the time of the college orientation seminar to be more specific. i didnt notice her until she was seated beside me. we were arranged alphabetically in a room, and i still remember the ORSEM volunteer. i also liked her (the orsem volunteer) but the girl seated beside me grabbed my attention then. she was "pestering" me, asking me this and that. all i wanted then was to stay home and watch TV. i didnt want to sit in a room with a group of people and do childish activities that has no intellectually stimulating effect whatsoever. so the somewhat hyperactive girl sitting beside me, whom i havent seen because despite her annoying questions, i just kept looking at the front of the room, was making my day worse. then suddenly, she said something that made me interested in her. she said she has a very diverse personality (thats when i looked at her and realized the annoying girl had a pretty face). for some reason, that really caught my attention and it really made me think. from being annoying, she made herself interesting by revealing something i wanted to find out and confirm (is it really diverse as she claims?). well, unfortunately, she didnt stay in our university long enough for me to know her more. during that short period (one semester to be specific), she remained a mystery to me despite her somewhat very open and sociable personality. she was friendly but not too friendly. she was noisy and talkative but she did it in moderation. she knew when to talk and when to shut up (or maybe thats just what appeared to me). i liked the way she dressed (from top to bottom). i liked her scent. i liked her hair. i liked her playfulness. her voice was fine (i didnt like the voice of the other girl i liked almost half a decade later). point is, she didnt really stand out from the group of people in the room but what made me initially notice her is what she said about her personality. she said it with such confidence like she was declaring some unbending truth. not really. she just said it recklessly but i believed her nonetheless (or i wanted to validate her reckless claim because if it was true then...). thats what i really wanted to find out. so i may usually sound shallow when i always give a lot of consideration to physical beauty but i do take into consideration personality. well, physical beauty is a prerequisite in most instances. in some instances, the personality must be so great that it complements the physical beauty (meaning, i notice the personality first then i realize the physical beauty).
speaking of multiple personalities (the intro has really nothing to do with this blog entry except for the two words in quotations, which is remotely related to what im about to discuss), this is why i liked a particular girl back in college (she didnt have multiple personalities but she stated something somewhat similar). around the time of the college orientation seminar to be more specific. i didnt notice her until she was seated beside me. we were arranged alphabetically in a room, and i still remember the ORSEM volunteer. i also liked her (the orsem volunteer) but the girl seated beside me grabbed my attention then. she was "pestering" me, asking me this and that. all i wanted then was to stay home and watch TV. i didnt want to sit in a room with a group of people and do childish activities that has no intellectually stimulating effect whatsoever. so the somewhat hyperactive girl sitting beside me, whom i havent seen because despite her annoying questions, i just kept looking at the front of the room, was making my day worse. then suddenly, she said something that made me interested in her. she said she has a very diverse personality (thats when i looked at her and realized the annoying girl had a pretty face). for some reason, that really caught my attention and it really made me think. from being annoying, she made herself interesting by revealing something i wanted to find out and confirm (is it really diverse as she claims?). well, unfortunately, she didnt stay in our university long enough for me to know her more. during that short period (one semester to be specific), she remained a mystery to me despite her somewhat very open and sociable personality. she was friendly but not too friendly. she was noisy and talkative but she did it in moderation. she knew when to talk and when to shut up (or maybe thats just what appeared to me). i liked the way she dressed (from top to bottom). i liked her scent. i liked her hair. i liked her playfulness. her voice was fine (i didnt like the voice of the other girl i liked almost half a decade later). point is, she didnt really stand out from the group of people in the room but what made me initially notice her is what she said about her personality. she said it with such confidence like she was declaring some unbending truth. not really. she just said it recklessly but i believed her nonetheless (or i wanted to validate her reckless claim because if it was true then...). thats what i really wanted to find out. so i may usually sound shallow when i always give a lot of consideration to physical beauty but i do take into consideration personality. well, physical beauty is a prerequisite in most instances. in some instances, the personality must be so great that it complements the physical beauty (meaning, i notice the personality first then i realize the physical beauty).
Monday, September 12, 2011
library music
during the 2010 bar review, this is what i played in my mp3 player whenever i review in the library and my review pace starts to slow down. this is also the song i use whenever the person sitting near me is noisy. i really love this song.
this is how its supposed to be
just last tuesday, i made a comment that maybe september decided to become buddies with august after a really stressful day. yesterday, i thought september might be the new august. thankfully i was wrong.
i was supposed to have three court hearings today (well, two court hearings and one court related matter). two of them were rescheduled this morning, the moment i went to the court itself. some lawyers would probably be pissed because they drove all the way from somewhere only to find out that the hearing they're going to attend got cancelled. not me. having three scheduled cases in one day is a first and fortunately, two of them didnt push through. i would probably be almost as stressed as last tuesday if all three pushed through (i think last tuesday will still be more stressful).
i dont care if i dont get any appearance fee. half, if not most, of my cases are pro bono anyway so im really used to free legal services (although im starting to feel that i cant keep this up much longer because of the financial needs im starting to have). as long as it means less work, less stress, even if it leads to less pay, i dont mind.
my lazy self is really getting tired with all the work that ive been having lately.
the third scheduled hearing pushed through. if this one got cancelled, it would mean using a tremendous amount of luck that i would worry what i have to give back in return. but even if did push through, it wasnt as stressful as i thought it would be. it actually went much better than what i initially thought would happen.
i was supposed to have three court hearings today (well, two court hearings and one court related matter). two of them were rescheduled this morning, the moment i went to the court itself. some lawyers would probably be pissed because they drove all the way from somewhere only to find out that the hearing they're going to attend got cancelled. not me. having three scheduled cases in one day is a first and fortunately, two of them didnt push through. i would probably be almost as stressed as last tuesday if all three pushed through (i think last tuesday will still be more stressful).
i dont care if i dont get any appearance fee. half, if not most, of my cases are pro bono anyway so im really used to free legal services (although im starting to feel that i cant keep this up much longer because of the financial needs im starting to have). as long as it means less work, less stress, even if it leads to less pay, i dont mind.
my lazy self is really getting tired with all the work that ive been having lately.
the third scheduled hearing pushed through. if this one got cancelled, it would mean using a tremendous amount of luck that i would worry what i have to give back in return. but even if did push through, it wasnt as stressful as i thought it would be. it actually went much better than what i initially thought would happen.
Sunday, September 11, 2011
rewind, rewind further then fast forward
last year, i was in my hotel room preparing for the 2nd bar sunday. by this time, i was starting to feel how depressing it can be to be alone in the hotel room. the stress level and the loneliness was starting to drive me nuts. the experience made me realize how unprepared i was emotionally for the bar exams. i had to make use of some intellectual and spiritual strength to make up for it. i started making use of the mirrors in my hotel room to talk to myself. i kept telling myself not to panic and i try to boost my confidence by repeatedly telling myself "i can do this. one sunday at a time" (talk about being self-reliant). the complete silence wasnt really helping. i thought being alone in the hotel room would be beneficial to my last minute reviews because of the silence. using the television and watching some cable programs would be pointless since i wont be able to enjoy it because im bound to worry about the time (i only open the TV when im already tucked in bed, trying to fall asleep. i thought i had to use it for about 30 minutes since i paid for it anyway. i watched the arirang channel and there i found out about hayao miyazaki's new animated film. wow, got an info about a japanese anime director through a korean channel). my review breaks consisted only of one thing: watching girls generation music videos (for about 30 minutes). i also watched it during dinner time. i buy my own dinner at the nearby KFC. i take the meal back to my hotel room, eat dinner while sitting in front of my laptop watching the videos. it sounds pathetic but it worked. i was not comfortable texting or calling someone for company or to have someone to talk to. even if i was about to reach a low point, i still find it difficult to ask for help.
having friends drop by and visit during the saturdays before the bar sundays was really great. i wasnt able to show my appreciation for their show of support, since im not good with such thing, but i truly appreciated their visits. i even tried to tag along with some of them when they visited the other bar examinees. staying inside the hotel room for hours was really driving me crazy. it was torture. i had to tie the curtains of the hotel room so it wont be dim and gloomy even if my room at home was always dim and gloomy for more than a decade (until now. im not a fan of sunlight). it was that depressing for me.
anyway, 10 years ago, i was in my room, clueless of the terrorist attacks in the US. i found out about it the following day when i overheard a blockmate saying that when he informed another blockmate about it, she didnt believe him simply because it was the US they were talking about (this is our college blockmate who lived in the US for years). she thought that cant be possible. when i heard about it, my initial reaction in my head was "what the hell was i doing last night in my room?" i was probably in bed, listening to some music. that was my routine then.
fast forward to the present. i just spent my sunday afternoon in the office working. i wasnt able to go to the office for more or less three days last week due to health concerns. so the workload piled up. going to have another stressful monday tomorrow. i need to have some kind of social life again. the work stress might drive me crazy without me noticing it.
having friends drop by and visit during the saturdays before the bar sundays was really great. i wasnt able to show my appreciation for their show of support, since im not good with such thing, but i truly appreciated their visits. i even tried to tag along with some of them when they visited the other bar examinees. staying inside the hotel room for hours was really driving me crazy. it was torture. i had to tie the curtains of the hotel room so it wont be dim and gloomy even if my room at home was always dim and gloomy for more than a decade (until now. im not a fan of sunlight). it was that depressing for me.
anyway, 10 years ago, i was in my room, clueless of the terrorist attacks in the US. i found out about it the following day when i overheard a blockmate saying that when he informed another blockmate about it, she didnt believe him simply because it was the US they were talking about (this is our college blockmate who lived in the US for years). she thought that cant be possible. when i heard about it, my initial reaction in my head was "what the hell was i doing last night in my room?" i was probably in bed, listening to some music. that was my routine then.
fast forward to the present. i just spent my sunday afternoon in the office working. i wasnt able to go to the office for more or less three days last week due to health concerns. so the workload piled up. going to have another stressful monday tomorrow. i need to have some kind of social life again. the work stress might drive me crazy without me noticing it.
Thursday, September 08, 2011
maybe i should read law books in my free time
one notable thing i noticed now that im practicing law is my lack of confidence and uncertainty with what i know. i think i still sound like a stuttering law student when i explain the law or give legal advice. i just keep doubting myself.
its different when im asked about other topics. ask me about science stuff i know or tech stuff, i would discuss it with authority and sound like im taking the person to school (i think no one uses this phrase anymore. i probably havent heard it for more than half a decade). i become really persuasive and im good with bluffing when its about a topic im "comfortable" with. that's why my siblings always doubt me when i start to discuss something with enthusiasm. because sometimes i get carried away and i mix my opinion with the facts and make it appear as truths. i present myself as a know-it-all and really deliver what i know (or what i think i know) very convincingly. if only i can sell the stuff i know, i wouldnt be having any financial problems. the thing is, i need to really believe in what i know. its a basic thing in order to be confident about it.
i dont know why, despite after months of law practice, i still doubt myself. maybe because im too worried, that what i say will affect lives. i cant be careless in law practice. fatal mistakes can be committed (a person can rot in jail or a poor client can lose his or her life's savings), as opposed to being asked on topics that will not cause any irreparable or serious injury. im too mindful of the consequences that it makes me less effective.
its different when im asked about other topics. ask me about science stuff i know or tech stuff, i would discuss it with authority and sound like im taking the person to school (i think no one uses this phrase anymore. i probably havent heard it for more than half a decade). i become really persuasive and im good with bluffing when its about a topic im "comfortable" with. that's why my siblings always doubt me when i start to discuss something with enthusiasm. because sometimes i get carried away and i mix my opinion with the facts and make it appear as truths. i present myself as a know-it-all and really deliver what i know (or what i think i know) very convincingly. if only i can sell the stuff i know, i wouldnt be having any financial problems. the thing is, i need to really believe in what i know. its a basic thing in order to be confident about it.
i dont know why, despite after months of law practice, i still doubt myself. maybe because im too worried, that what i say will affect lives. i cant be careless in law practice. fatal mistakes can be committed (a person can rot in jail or a poor client can lose his or her life's savings), as opposed to being asked on topics that will not cause any irreparable or serious injury. im too mindful of the consequences that it makes me less effective.
this should have been my speech last May
talked to a friend last week through text message. i havent seen him for more than 10 years and we just communicated by text because i greeted him on his birthday. if i remember correctly, our last communication was back in 2009 when he was showing some interest in the studio apartment i was about to vacate. wait...our last communication was May of last year. he saw a copy of the Candidates Profiles which i made as part of my job for an NGO and he texted me about it.
anyway, he appeared surprised to know that im now a lawyer. after seeing his reply, i realized i would be surprised too. becoming a lawyer was never my childhood dream. when i was just five years old, what i wanted to be was to become a scientist (i wanted to work in a laboratory, do some experiments and scientific research). science has always been my favorite subject. until high school, i wanted to become a scientist until one of my science teachers said that there's no future for Filipino scientists working in the Philippines. our country doesnt provide much support for our scientists. so when i was reluctantly choosing a course to take in college (i didnt want to go to college after being discouraged to become a scientist and after being heavily influenced by philosophy. i perceived it as an unnecessary form of educational attainment which merely prolongs my imprisonment in a social system that is imperfect and flawed. all i want was a simple life with a simple job with as little interaction with the systematizing effect of the order of things), i just chose the ones with the least math subjects. political science and philosophy (but i chose architecture in one of the universities because it was their field of expertise). so i eventually became a political science major and earned a degree in political science. in a way, i could still be a scientist. a political scientist. but for some reason, when i was in my junior year in college, i decided to study law. why? because i think it would be interesting. i find the field of law interesting to study. thats why i really referred to it as "further studies". at that time, i was a nowhere man with nowhere plans and taking up law would seem to give me some kind of direction. or a not so boring path to take. i really thought of it as a study of law (i never watched ally mcbeal or any other laywer related tv series before (and until now) so television, and film, has nothing to do with my decision to take up law).
i also had no idea how lawyers become rich in their profession. i grew up being told that lawyering was hard work and they get paid in kind, not money. that was my impression (thats why i was puzzled when people make comments about how profitable it was to be a lawyer). my relatives, who were lawyers, were paid in the form of poultry, bread, seafood, etc. simple stuff. they never told me the "good" side of lawyering or that lawyers have really "nice" salaries. i was just told how noble the profession was, that its some form of public service without asking anything in return, etc. i was also really clueless about law firms. so when i decided to take up law, it was really to study further an academic field i find interesting.
i didnt take my law school studies seriously during the first few years. it was only when i was in third year did i start to take it seriously. i thought, "crap, it seems i might be able to finish law school. this shit is getting real". so i took it seriously, studied well, and started making plans. i mean, ive gone far enough to the point that i must have plans. having no plans with such a profession would be a lot of waste of a lot of things. lawyering is really serious stuff. its a privilege to practice law. now that its starting to sink in what ive gotten myself into, i must make sure i dont do anymore idiotic things ive done in the past (and i think ive repeatedly stated that ive done a lot of really idiotic things that are just so seriously stupid that it haunts me). the time and effort that would be lost...its just...things are really starting to become a big deal. this is why i would be surprised to know that im a lawyer. its not really my thing but the fact that i got this far, i cant simply brush it aside as nothing. lawyering is truly an interesting profession but its really for my intellectual stimulation and not for my laid back and somewhat lazy personality.
reminds me of shikamaru nara who just wants a simple life but cant have it simply because it would be a waste of potential.
anyway, he appeared surprised to know that im now a lawyer. after seeing his reply, i realized i would be surprised too. becoming a lawyer was never my childhood dream. when i was just five years old, what i wanted to be was to become a scientist (i wanted to work in a laboratory, do some experiments and scientific research). science has always been my favorite subject. until high school, i wanted to become a scientist until one of my science teachers said that there's no future for Filipino scientists working in the Philippines. our country doesnt provide much support for our scientists. so when i was reluctantly choosing a course to take in college (i didnt want to go to college after being discouraged to become a scientist and after being heavily influenced by philosophy. i perceived it as an unnecessary form of educational attainment which merely prolongs my imprisonment in a social system that is imperfect and flawed. all i want was a simple life with a simple job with as little interaction with the systematizing effect of the order of things), i just chose the ones with the least math subjects. political science and philosophy (but i chose architecture in one of the universities because it was their field of expertise). so i eventually became a political science major and earned a degree in political science. in a way, i could still be a scientist. a political scientist. but for some reason, when i was in my junior year in college, i decided to study law. why? because i think it would be interesting. i find the field of law interesting to study. thats why i really referred to it as "further studies". at that time, i was a nowhere man with nowhere plans and taking up law would seem to give me some kind of direction. or a not so boring path to take. i really thought of it as a study of law (i never watched ally mcbeal or any other laywer related tv series before (and until now) so television, and film, has nothing to do with my decision to take up law).
i also had no idea how lawyers become rich in their profession. i grew up being told that lawyering was hard work and they get paid in kind, not money. that was my impression (thats why i was puzzled when people make comments about how profitable it was to be a lawyer). my relatives, who were lawyers, were paid in the form of poultry, bread, seafood, etc. simple stuff. they never told me the "good" side of lawyering or that lawyers have really "nice" salaries. i was just told how noble the profession was, that its some form of public service without asking anything in return, etc. i was also really clueless about law firms. so when i decided to take up law, it was really to study further an academic field i find interesting.
i didnt take my law school studies seriously during the first few years. it was only when i was in third year did i start to take it seriously. i thought, "crap, it seems i might be able to finish law school. this shit is getting real". so i took it seriously, studied well, and started making plans. i mean, ive gone far enough to the point that i must have plans. having no plans with such a profession would be a lot of waste of a lot of things. lawyering is really serious stuff. its a privilege to practice law. now that its starting to sink in what ive gotten myself into, i must make sure i dont do anymore idiotic things ive done in the past (and i think ive repeatedly stated that ive done a lot of really idiotic things that are just so seriously stupid that it haunts me). the time and effort that would be lost...its just...things are really starting to become a big deal. this is why i would be surprised to know that im a lawyer. its not really my thing but the fact that i got this far, i cant simply brush it aside as nothing. lawyering is truly an interesting profession but its really for my intellectual stimulation and not for my laid back and somewhat lazy personality.
reminds me of shikamaru nara who just wants a simple life but cant have it simply because it would be a waste of potential.
Tuesday, September 06, 2011
the day after the fifth of september
by this time last year, i just slept a lot. my initial plan was to study the day after the first bar sunday. that was just...difficult to do. the exam itself was so mentally draining that a night's sleep wasnt enough to recharge. it was days, if not a week, of preparation for every bar sunday so i think it makes sense that even a full eight hours of sleep will not suffice to have enough energy to hit the books again so soon. or maybe it was just me.
i remember waking up that monday morning and then saying to myself to rest a little more. by lunch time, ive decided to just rest for the remainder of the day. i will just have to make the most out of tuesday. i was still worrying a lot about the 2nd bar sunday because the subjects scheduled for that day were civil law and taxation law. civil law covers a lot of law subjects and im not good with some of those fields of law (like contracts and obligations). as for taxation law, its like math to me. i remember when i was still a law student, i went to the mall and watched a movie the night before the final exam for my taxation law subject. thats how much i didnt care about taxation law. i didnt mind failing it because i have no patience to understand it. i have the knack to just stop caring all of a sudden. i really reach a point when i just "drop" things. its like the opposite of the saying "fall seven times, stand up eight". fail once or twice, stop trying and just do something else. why bother falling five more times. just do something else and move on. that is why im more of jack of all trades, master of none. im ok with reaching an average level of competence. i dont want to be stuck perfecting something.
anyway, i passed my taxation law subject in law school. as regards the taxation bar exam, fortunately, the arellano law bar review helped me a lot in understanding taxation law. if not for the arellano bar review, i wouldnt have passed the taxation bar exams. seriously. it was the arellano bar review that saved me from the latter half of the second bar sunday.
fast forward one year later...holy shit. i had a better day last year! if i only knew then that i will have a really stressful day today (which was preceded by a stressful day due to health reasons which made today more stressful), i would have appreciated my "rest" day last year much, much more.
i remember waking up that monday morning and then saying to myself to rest a little more. by lunch time, ive decided to just rest for the remainder of the day. i will just have to make the most out of tuesday. i was still worrying a lot about the 2nd bar sunday because the subjects scheduled for that day were civil law and taxation law. civil law covers a lot of law subjects and im not good with some of those fields of law (like contracts and obligations). as for taxation law, its like math to me. i remember when i was still a law student, i went to the mall and watched a movie the night before the final exam for my taxation law subject. thats how much i didnt care about taxation law. i didnt mind failing it because i have no patience to understand it. i have the knack to just stop caring all of a sudden. i really reach a point when i just "drop" things. its like the opposite of the saying "fall seven times, stand up eight". fail once or twice, stop trying and just do something else. why bother falling five more times. just do something else and move on. that is why im more of jack of all trades, master of none. im ok with reaching an average level of competence. i dont want to be stuck perfecting something.
anyway, i passed my taxation law subject in law school. as regards the taxation bar exam, fortunately, the arellano law bar review helped me a lot in understanding taxation law. if not for the arellano bar review, i wouldnt have passed the taxation bar exams. seriously. it was the arellano bar review that saved me from the latter half of the second bar sunday.
fast forward one year later...holy shit. i had a better day last year! if i only knew then that i will have a really stressful day today (which was preceded by a stressful day due to health reasons which made today more stressful), i would have appreciated my "rest" day last year much, much more.
i just need a pocketful of sunshine. or maybe a cool, rainy night
according to a Yahoo Health article, there are 12 signs of depression in men. if i were to believe yahoo health, im suffering from depression.
the 12 signs are:
fatigue
sleeping too much or too little
stomachache or backache
irritability
difficulty concentrating
anger or hostility
stress
anxiety
substance abuse
sexual dysfunction
indecision
suicidal thoughts
now, if i were to ask myself whether im depressed based from these signs, i would say "thats absurd". sure i have 10 to 11 of the 12 signs but i dont feel depressed at all. i dont feel happy but i dont feel depressed either. i recall suffering from depression years ago and that really felt like i hit rock bottom. of course i never really hit rock bottom before but thats how i felt back then. i dont even want to leave my bed and i really dont care about anything (this was during the memorable year of 2004. august 2004 took me on a roller coaster ride and i then found myself crashing and burning months later. good thing i managed to pull myself together the year after). maybe that was a severe kind of depression but i really dont feel depressed right now. maybe im in denial? nope. i would think i might be heading there but im still far from it. i mean, i would admit i might be in some low and somewhat depressing point in my life but i still dont fail to see the brighter side of things. i just had a stressful day but i still manage to do the things i normally do. usually, when im really down, im going to hit the bed and sleep early and hope things will be ok by the time i wake up. i havent reached that point yet so im ok.
the 12 signs are:
fatigue
sleeping too much or too little
stomachache or backache
irritability
difficulty concentrating
anger or hostility
stress
anxiety
substance abuse
sexual dysfunction
indecision
suicidal thoughts
now, if i were to ask myself whether im depressed based from these signs, i would say "thats absurd". sure i have 10 to 11 of the 12 signs but i dont feel depressed at all. i dont feel happy but i dont feel depressed either. i recall suffering from depression years ago and that really felt like i hit rock bottom. of course i never really hit rock bottom before but thats how i felt back then. i dont even want to leave my bed and i really dont care about anything (this was during the memorable year of 2004. august 2004 took me on a roller coaster ride and i then found myself crashing and burning months later. good thing i managed to pull myself together the year after). maybe that was a severe kind of depression but i really dont feel depressed right now. maybe im in denial? nope. i would think i might be heading there but im still far from it. i mean, i would admit i might be in some low and somewhat depressing point in my life but i still dont fail to see the brighter side of things. i just had a stressful day but i still manage to do the things i normally do. usually, when im really down, im going to hit the bed and sleep early and hope things will be ok by the time i wake up. i havent reached that point yet so im ok.
i would rather say today is not a good day instead of just having a bad day
holy shitload. just had a really, really stressful day. made me think if september has decided to become buddies with august.
i started the day by going to a doctor's clinic located in a hospital to consult some health related concern (i just dont run out of health problems). the doctor recommended an expensive medical procedure to see what's wrong (yup, just to see what's wrong). i just dont run out of unexpected expenses. just last sunday, i bought a P24,000 desktop computer to replace our desktop PC that just crashed last month (well, my sister gave a few thousand bucks so i really just spent P19,000). just a few months ago, i also had other health problems that made me spend a lot too because of the expensive medication. i think my internal organs really hate me right now. or maybe im just rotting from the inside.
anyway, the reason i went to the doctor this morning was because i was really feeling bad the day before. it was so bad that i was sweating in an airconditioned room and i cant concentrate during the court proceedings. i even went home early (i asked for a half-day) because i was really in pain and was feeling weak.
after having a stressful visit from the doctor (unexpected expenses really stress me out. especially now that i just spent a lot recently and it will take some time for me to recover it), i went to the office and received a court decision that ive been waiting for a month. i was already half-expecting an unfavorable decision because there's been a rumor about it more than a week ago. i was expecting this decision last august but it just came out today. out of all the cases ive handled and im currently handling, this is the one that stresses me out the most. it just had to come out today, when im having health problems. it stresses me out so much i dont want to think about it now. i will deal with it tomorrow.
i also pricked my thumb with our abnormally sharp fork while i was washing it so i can prepare myself a tuna sandwich after a stressful day. normally, i go to some fast food place after a stressful day but since im on a tight budget because of the goddamn expenses, i will just have to settle for food thats somewhat free (since im the one who buys the groceries, its not really free).
i started the day by going to a doctor's clinic located in a hospital to consult some health related concern (i just dont run out of health problems). the doctor recommended an expensive medical procedure to see what's wrong (yup, just to see what's wrong). i just dont run out of unexpected expenses. just last sunday, i bought a P24,000 desktop computer to replace our desktop PC that just crashed last month (well, my sister gave a few thousand bucks so i really just spent P19,000). just a few months ago, i also had other health problems that made me spend a lot too because of the expensive medication. i think my internal organs really hate me right now. or maybe im just rotting from the inside.
anyway, the reason i went to the doctor this morning was because i was really feeling bad the day before. it was so bad that i was sweating in an airconditioned room and i cant concentrate during the court proceedings. i even went home early (i asked for a half-day) because i was really in pain and was feeling weak.
after having a stressful visit from the doctor (unexpected expenses really stress me out. especially now that i just spent a lot recently and it will take some time for me to recover it), i went to the office and received a court decision that ive been waiting for a month. i was already half-expecting an unfavorable decision because there's been a rumor about it more than a week ago. i was expecting this decision last august but it just came out today. out of all the cases ive handled and im currently handling, this is the one that stresses me out the most. it just had to come out today, when im having health problems. it stresses me out so much i dont want to think about it now. i will deal with it tomorrow.
i also pricked my thumb with our abnormally sharp fork while i was washing it so i can prepare myself a tuna sandwich after a stressful day. normally, i go to some fast food place after a stressful day but since im on a tight budget because of the goddamn expenses, i will just have to settle for food thats somewhat free (since im the one who buys the groceries, its not really free).
Monday, September 05, 2011
remember, remember the fifth of september
i think this month will be filled with "by this time last year..." posts.
by this time last year, i finished my first bar sunday. i shared the room with two blockmates. and i barely slept the night before. not that i reviewed a lot of stuff the day before but i just couldnt fall asleep fast enough (fell asleep between 1am and 2am) and i was worried of going into a deep sleep (so i slept very lightly that i heard the sound of paper being slipped under my hotel door).
i remember dropping the readings i was reviewing that saturday by 11:30pm. the last materials i read were the decisions by Justice Carpio-Morales. then i watched one last girls' generation music video then went to sleep (that was one of the reasons i always brought a laptop every saturday before the bar sunday. when i start to panic, all i had to do was watch one of their videos and i start to think that things will be okay. i still do that until now). like i said, i fell asleep more than an hour later. and i really didnt get to sleep very well. next thing i know, one of my law school friends was calling my cellphone to make sure i was awake (i didnt know then that the hotel provides a wake up call so i requested my friend to do it the night before). i got up, read the materials that was slipped under my door, took a good cold shower then had breakfast at the hotel's dining area. went back to my hotel room, a good friend brought me my lunch, then my family went to my hotel room to wish me good luck. a few more law school friends also dropped by to wish me well for the first bar sunday.
i left my stuff at the hotel's receptionist area then walked to la salle. i surrended my cellphones at the guard station then started looking for my room assignment (felt like a high school student looking for my class section). i was assigned in the same room with two blockmates/law school friends. since we were the ones who didnt graduate on time, being in the same room with them was really good. its nice to have a familiar face during that time. made me think of our freshmen year and at the same time, brings some kind of comfort.
the bar exams started, i made my first memorable mistake. i used the box of pens that was a year old. so naturally, most, if not all of the pens had "stale" ink. after using five pens, i raised my hand and told the proctor that im going to get my other box of pens. when i got back to my seat, i thought that my seatmate probably thinks im some idiot. anyway, because of the ballpen incident, i didnt notice i skipped a page. the page that says "start at this page". that was my second memorable mistake. i noticed that i skipped that page when i was already halfway through the exam. crap! fortunately, i skipped the first item so all i had to do was make sure that my first answer was two pages long in order to make use of all the blank pages.
the rules for taking the bar exam are really strict. and i think that there's truth in the saying that poor penmanship contributes in failing the bar exams. my penmanship sucks. but i tried to improve it for months just for the bar exams.
by this time last year, i finished my first bar sunday. i shared the room with two blockmates. and i barely slept the night before. not that i reviewed a lot of stuff the day before but i just couldnt fall asleep fast enough (fell asleep between 1am and 2am) and i was worried of going into a deep sleep (so i slept very lightly that i heard the sound of paper being slipped under my hotel door).
i remember dropping the readings i was reviewing that saturday by 11:30pm. the last materials i read were the decisions by Justice Carpio-Morales. then i watched one last girls' generation music video then went to sleep (that was one of the reasons i always brought a laptop every saturday before the bar sunday. when i start to panic, all i had to do was watch one of their videos and i start to think that things will be okay. i still do that until now). like i said, i fell asleep more than an hour later. and i really didnt get to sleep very well. next thing i know, one of my law school friends was calling my cellphone to make sure i was awake (i didnt know then that the hotel provides a wake up call so i requested my friend to do it the night before). i got up, read the materials that was slipped under my door, took a good cold shower then had breakfast at the hotel's dining area. went back to my hotel room, a good friend brought me my lunch, then my family went to my hotel room to wish me good luck. a few more law school friends also dropped by to wish me well for the first bar sunday.
i left my stuff at the hotel's receptionist area then walked to la salle. i surrended my cellphones at the guard station then started looking for my room assignment (felt like a high school student looking for my class section). i was assigned in the same room with two blockmates/law school friends. since we were the ones who didnt graduate on time, being in the same room with them was really good. its nice to have a familiar face during that time. made me think of our freshmen year and at the same time, brings some kind of comfort.
the bar exams started, i made my first memorable mistake. i used the box of pens that was a year old. so naturally, most, if not all of the pens had "stale" ink. after using five pens, i raised my hand and told the proctor that im going to get my other box of pens. when i got back to my seat, i thought that my seatmate probably thinks im some idiot. anyway, because of the ballpen incident, i didnt notice i skipped a page. the page that says "start at this page". that was my second memorable mistake. i noticed that i skipped that page when i was already halfway through the exam. crap! fortunately, i skipped the first item so all i had to do was make sure that my first answer was two pages long in order to make use of all the blank pages.
the rules for taking the bar exam are really strict. and i think that there's truth in the saying that poor penmanship contributes in failing the bar exams. my penmanship sucks. but i tried to improve it for months just for the bar exams.
Sunday, September 04, 2011
i was on a diet
by this time last year, i was doing some last minute reviewing. the first bar sunday for the 2010 bar exams fell on the 5th of september. so on september 4, 2010, i got to my hotel room by 2pm and started reviewing for the first bar exam sunday of my life.
i remember having an empty fridge in my hotel room. although i bought a big mac meal at mcdonalds beside la salle before going to the hotel (since im going to be doing some last minute preparations, i must feed myself first), i didnt eat any other other food other than the meals i bought outside the hotel (dinner). just a few days earlier, i was asking my lawyer friends what i need to bring during the saturday before the bar sunday but my questions were more focused on review materials and stuff i need during the bar exam itself. food didnt really cross my mind.
so there i was in my hotel room, with a stack of readings and an empty fridge. fortunately, due to my tight budget, i was already used to not eating a lot. during the bar review, i lost a lot of pounds because i got used to studying without eating much. so when a few friends dropped by to check on me (actually, they checked the fridge), they volunteered to help me "scavenge" for food. they said that its essential to have food. so when we went to the hotel room of another friend who was also taking the bar exams, who also happened to have a lot food with her, i only asked for a couple of bottled water. one for saturday and one for sunday. that's all i need to survive the first bar sunday. my mind was really more focused on the exam and nothing else. i was that worried about the exams that my mind doesnt care about anything other than the exam. screw food. when my mind is really set on something, i start to have some tunnel vision and fail to see anything else. i wont even notice im hungry. well, i will notice it the moment i drain myself to the point i have no other choice but to faint. fortunately, that didnt happen.
i remember having an empty fridge in my hotel room. although i bought a big mac meal at mcdonalds beside la salle before going to the hotel (since im going to be doing some last minute preparations, i must feed myself first), i didnt eat any other other food other than the meals i bought outside the hotel (dinner). just a few days earlier, i was asking my lawyer friends what i need to bring during the saturday before the bar sunday but my questions were more focused on review materials and stuff i need during the bar exam itself. food didnt really cross my mind.
so there i was in my hotel room, with a stack of readings and an empty fridge. fortunately, due to my tight budget, i was already used to not eating a lot. during the bar review, i lost a lot of pounds because i got used to studying without eating much. so when a few friends dropped by to check on me (actually, they checked the fridge), they volunteered to help me "scavenge" for food. they said that its essential to have food. so when we went to the hotel room of another friend who was also taking the bar exams, who also happened to have a lot food with her, i only asked for a couple of bottled water. one for saturday and one for sunday. that's all i need to survive the first bar sunday. my mind was really more focused on the exam and nothing else. i was that worried about the exams that my mind doesnt care about anything other than the exam. screw food. when my mind is really set on something, i start to have some tunnel vision and fail to see anything else. i wont even notice im hungry. well, i will notice it the moment i drain myself to the point i have no other choice but to faint. fortunately, that didnt happen.
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