last year, i was in my hotel room preparing for the 2nd bar sunday. by this time, i was starting to feel how depressing it can be to be alone in the hotel room. the stress level and the loneliness was starting to drive me nuts. the experience made me realize how unprepared i was emotionally for the bar exams. i had to make use of some intellectual and spiritual strength to make up for it. i started making use of the mirrors in my hotel room to talk to myself. i kept telling myself not to panic and i try to boost my confidence by repeatedly telling myself "i can do this. one sunday at a time" (talk about being self-reliant). the complete silence wasnt really helping. i thought being alone in the hotel room would be beneficial to my last minute reviews because of the silence. using the television and watching some cable programs would be pointless since i wont be able to enjoy it because im bound to worry about the time (i only open the TV when im already tucked in bed, trying to fall asleep. i thought i had to use it for about 30 minutes since i paid for it anyway. i watched the arirang channel and there i found out about hayao miyazaki's new animated film. wow, got an info about a japanese anime director through a korean channel). my review breaks consisted only of one thing: watching girls generation music videos (for about 30 minutes). i also watched it during dinner time. i buy my own dinner at the nearby KFC. i take the meal back to my hotel room, eat dinner while sitting in front of my laptop watching the videos. it sounds pathetic but it worked. i was not comfortable texting or calling someone for company or to have someone to talk to. even if i was about to reach a low point, i still find it difficult to ask for help.
having friends drop by and visit during the saturdays before the bar sundays was really great. i wasnt able to show my appreciation for their show of support, since im not good with such thing, but i truly appreciated their visits. i even tried to tag along with some of them when they visited the other bar examinees. staying inside the hotel room for hours was really driving me crazy. it was torture. i had to tie the curtains of the hotel room so it wont be dim and gloomy even if my room at home was always dim and gloomy for more than a decade (until now. im not a fan of sunlight). it was that depressing for me.
anyway, 10 years ago, i was in my room, clueless of the terrorist attacks in the US. i found out about it the following day when i overheard a blockmate saying that when he informed another blockmate about it, she didnt believe him simply because it was the US they were talking about (this is our college blockmate who lived in the US for years). she thought that cant be possible. when i heard about it, my initial reaction in my head was "what the hell was i doing last night in my room?" i was probably in bed, listening to some music. that was my routine then.
fast forward to the present. i just spent my sunday afternoon in the office working. i wasnt able to go to the office for more or less three days last week due to health concerns. so the workload piled up. going to have another stressful monday tomorrow. i need to have some kind of social life again. the work stress might drive me crazy without me noticing it.
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