return of the insomniac

so i roamed the city streets at past midnight. my feet were restless. well, ive been restless for weeks. as much as possible i dont want to be indoors during the night. sigh. anyway, i saw this old man, probably in his 60s or 70s. he was wearing a cap, sunglasses (yup, sunglasses at 1 in the morning), and lighting a fucking cigarette. and he was just loitering there, sitting under a tree, like "meh. i really dont have anything else to do and i dont feel like sleeping". he doesnt look like someone who sleeps on the streets. he's like someone who's bored and decided to just go out and roam. then i thought "am i going to end up like him? bored and alone at 1am, smoking a cig under a tree, on a polluted highway, watching fucking cars speed by". thats what im doing now. the only difference is im walking and not just sitting there idly. but to be doing the same thing for decades? crap. that sucks. fuck. that fucking sucks.

hopefully im going to die in three years. if recurring visions are true. if not, crap. i already have a plan in case the high school hunch does push through but, the thing with plans, or my plans, is that life tends to mess it up. just for the sake of messing with me. cmon life. give me a break. ive been putting up with your shit for years and i dont ask for anything in return. or if i did ask for anything, i promptly gave something in return. so stop being a prick? okay? dont undo what i have done. i really, really would like to be a nice guy. but if you keep messing things up, you know i can be a pain in the fucking ass. im going to be that stubborn kid with a fucking tantrum. im going to give death the finger for being a fucking pussy. cmon death. what the fuck? are you life's bitch? yeah. i think i just lost some screws on my way home. and they say today is the end of the fucking world. holy shit. life, piss me off and this is going to be end of the world as we know it.

damn it. i need to get some sleep. i dont know what im saying anymore. nothing good happens after 2am so i better shut my mouth before life gets pissed off and take some drastic measures to keep me in line. sorry life (and death), im really not myself right now.