im having one of those days where im anticipating something and at the same time surprised about it as if it was something unexpected. take today for example. ive been counting down to december since i have marked this day as a deadline. i was too focused on thinking of the end of november that i failed to realize that december comes after. stupid isnt it? missing the obvious is one of my peculiar traits (like feigning ignorance, acting stupid, walking contradiction, etc. as i grow older, i become more convinced that having a brain like mine is a curse). anyway, after hours of counting down as november 2012 fades into nothingness, i was suddenly surprised a few minutes ago its december already. what the? its like half of me knew that its december already since ive been waiting for november to end while the other half is just absolutely clueless. i was really surprised to see the date on my computer clock that its the 1st of december already.
this explains how my right hand can do things which my left hand is completely unaware of. not literally of course. this trait somewhat resembles absentmindedness but not quite. its more of being on autopilot. residual consciousness. if i set my mind on something, i mean, if i get too focused on something, i start to have tunnel vision. but the trick is, dont let one's entire attention be sucked in it. its the voice at the back of one's mind. so while my attention is deeply focused on something, the subconscious tries to gather a small amount of consciousness to make mental notes. once i achieve enough focus to go on autopilot, the two forms of consciousness switch places.
now that i have passed my neuro exam and i have been declared as sane, i can now be open again about my weirdness and other eccentricities.
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