Hemingway is credited to having said that "happiness in intelligent people is the rarest thing i know".
happiness is a warm gun. bang. bang. shoot. shoot.
just finished the night shift lawyer thingie. second day. sadly, its not a regular thing...at the moment. i only have one case so far. and im going to be called in whenever the need arises. so its another consultancy employment. and its kinda cool that i have a day office in Makati and a night office in QC. and if the night office had interns, i might become an urban legend because i only go to the law office after regular office hours. im the lawyer no one sees. except for the staff that stays there with me while im on night shift.
i dont get it. my former boss wants me back and my current boss seems to be determined to keep me. even if i havent given my best effort. im currently screwing up right now. the president of the corporation just asked what my salary was...after i failed to attend the meeting because i was late and after i failed to do the task she assigned to me because i really didnt understand what she wanted. if she's planning to do some salary reduction, well, im practically working for free for more than 2 weeks now since i havent received my salary. it was really good timing that ive blown all my money out of boredom. and i accepted a pro bono night shift duty. wow. i should get good karma points for these.
point is, im a lawyer not because of the money. im also not a lawyer because i want to help people. fuck that public service bullshit. as my uncle would put it, im a lawyer because i was destined to become one. i had no concrete plans to finish law school, i wasnt determined to pass the bar. and i didnt expect that i would be doing well in practice where i usually win my cases, make sound legal advice and come up with satisfactory legal solutions. my grades would never reflect that! on paper, im a dumbass. and i am a dumbass in real life. sooner or later, im going to be disbarred. when i get bored enough, i might even disbar myself. how? i dont know yet.
going back, why is it rare for intelligent people to have happiness? maybe because of boredom? awareness? i dont know. i just think im hard to please and im a very complicated and difficult person to deal with. how can happiness enter the picture under such circumstances? point is, im intelligent and im not happy. miserable actually. Hemingway is right. it is rare. since it is rare, it means its not impossible for intelligent people to be happy. in my case, ive tried but i constantly fail. if i were to list my meaningful failures and meaningless pursuits sequentially and write stories about them, these would be the probable titles:
The Girl Behind the Password
Miss Raspberry Scent
Crash, Burn & FUBAR
Luningning
Bicolana Express
The "Prude" Nursing Student from Cavite
The Mascot with a Scorpion Tattoo
Cerveza Negra
"Koreana" Paraiso
Pinkish Glow
Miss Tuesday
Dangerous Liaisons
Petite and Sultry Caddie
Ilocana Princess
Spoiled Single Mom
Airhead Dancer
amusing titles with somewhat interesting stories. behind the heartaches and pain, there's always something good to be derived from it. always. but that good thing never amounts to happiness. why? because im intelligent. im aware of things that changes the way i perceive the world order. so yeah. i think its awareness and boredom that makes it difficult for happiness to enter the lives of intelligent people. not my final answer though.
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