this "godhood resolution" is much more difficult than expected. whenever im making progress, whenever im starting to get my old life back, whenever im about to make a run for it to put my plans on full throttle, the universe manifests its vehement opposition and pushes me back down to the ground. its like climbing out of a pit and suddenly crashing back to the bottom because someone is ensuring i dont get out of it.
i think i understand now why the thing i prevented from happening last year happened. i just gave the universe a way to stop me. or the universe allowed it to happen in order to have something to stop me. sneaky bastard. now, i see that face wherever i look and i freeze and my mind shuts down. it cant be. im supposed to have forgotten what she looks like. it just keeps finding ways to challenge my decision and i keep finding countermeasures to strengthen my resolve. if there's anything im sure of, its the fact that im going to win against the universe this time. im going to do whatever it takes. i'll keep burning bridges if i have to. never trust the universe. i shouldnt have broken that rule. now i need to figure out a way to develop an immunity from it.come to think of it, nothing good happens whenever i break my rules. i should put all my rules in writing.
anyway, good news is, im in goddamn good health. i havent been sick since December last year. i mean, really sick. i only get headaches once every two months at the most or a negligible runny nose that lasts for only a few hours or some cough that lasts for a couple of days. that's despite the fact that im pushing myself to my limit (thats the only way you become better). i dont rest and i have my vices back(all you need is alcohol, something to smoke and some risky activity and youre all set. thats enough to beat the boredom).
im a consultant/liaison officer for a GOCC during the day and a consultant for a law office during the night and weekends. Im also available for legal consultation and render legal advice to my acquaintances and relatives. that's like three work hats. and i only get paid for my day job (and i dont even get my salary regularly). i work 7 days a week with weekdays having 14 work hours. my brother even found it weird that when my saturday plans were cancelled last weekend, my idea for making the most out of it was spending the entire day in the office working on a pleading. my pre-law school self would kill me if he sees that i work alone inside an office all day. he wanted to have an outdoor work with trees and nature shit, constantly travelling and never holed up indoors. well, reality bites.
no rest, no fun and i dont get sick. sure i have a bad left knee but that only prevents me from running or walking fast. other than that, im A-Ok. im proof that a busy, depressing lifestyle doesnt make you less healthy. ive managed to channel my apparent limitless energy to my work thus improving my productivity. the only thing stopping me from fully exploiting this "immunity from illness" is the universe thus preventing me from taking it to the next level. i can make up for the four years ive lost if the universe will just stop interfering with my plans
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