its thursday already?

its been more than a month since the bar exams ended. and from the time it ended, ive went out with close friends, i got some temporary work where i attended a couple of hearings, did a handful of legal research work, joined a T-shirt making contest (where my design looked good on paper but when i drew it on the T-shirt, it looked like a grade school wall grafitti. my drawing style never evolved since i stopped drawing), trying to learn japanese (with a very slow progress. im just starting katakana after three weeks of hiragana. damn it! i should have taken my japanese class back in college seriously), finished two books (one law related book, another non-law related, about halfway done with a political science book and about to start another non-law related book), watched an "audrey hepburn movie" on a pirated DVD, lost a key (which is a big deal for me since i nicknamed myself as "the keymaster" back in high school because im always entrusted with the key/s to something. this is the first time i lost a key. but there have been instances where i got locked out because i forgot to bring my keys. thats different because i never really lost the keys, i just forgot it), gets a daily dose of SoShi, cutting down on pork and trying to drink sufficient amounts of water (because i can last a day with only half a glass of water and its not good for my health, especially given my height and size. i really need more fluids).

so October has been a productive month, with a good sense of direction. i managed to keep myself busy but not too busy. im starting to be mindful of my health because it seems there's a bigger chance that i will not die young. so if im going to go beyond the age i thought i would drop dead, i would like to be in good physical condition to still be able to eat meat (and other foods unhealthy people arent allowed to eat). and not have wrinkly skin too early (ever since college, i sometimes look at my palm and fingers, stare at it for a few minutes and think to myself how old my skin looks like). whenever i think of this, i remember my college blockmate who said to me that she thinks im a very vain person, that my scruffy look/"i dont care about my appearance" is either a front or actually my sense of style. well, i didnt admit it then but its really the latter. its a sense of style in a sense because i intentionally put an effort not to make an effort in the way i look. its time consuming and a waste energy. so if im going to go for an "i dont care about my appearance" look, might as well look good doing it (look good doing it means making sure i look i dont care). well, "staying in character" is something that comes naturally to me.

october will be over in a few days. i guess i wont be able to buy the Eheads greenwich promo. wasnt able to come up with enough money. well, i do have enough money but i dont have extra money to use it for the greenwich promo. im an eheads fan but there are some other more important things my money should buy. i guess i just dont want it enough. my sense of desire for most stuff is really weak. its either that or im just dont like putting much effort unless its extremely necessary.

fertile minds

i watched a cosplay competition in Landmark the other day. i went to the mall to buy some blank DVD-Rs (its time to back up some files and free up some hard disk space) and then i noticed someone in a cosplay...attire? cosplay costume sounds redundant. anyway, i decided to watch the competition out of curiosity. when the event started, i suddenly thought that i must have some secret desire to be an event organizer (something i sort of did when i was still working for an NGO and im not sure if i did well but i liked doing it). i wasnt satisfied with the preparations the event organizers have made. the coordination, the level of preparation and the flow of the event still have a lot of room for improvement. fortunately, they didnt encounter any of the usual contingencies like technical problems. thats something i learned to always prepare for. i think they should also adjust their program to cater to the mall audience. its not really a cosplay competition area so it would be really nice to adapt the program in such a way that the passing mallrats (like me) would be interested to watch (and not only enticed by the costume wearing participants). they did provide tidbits about cosplay but i still find it insufficient.  

they said cosplay is already in its 10th year in the Philippines (according to the hosts/MCs. although verifying it is only a google away, im not really in the mood to research on the history of cosplay). i wonder if it became popular here half a decade earlier, i might have been interested in it? well, i do find cosplay interesting but im not really interested in participating or costume making part. i find it interesting that the participants not only wear the costumes but also assume the characters they're portraying (and its also impressive to see their creativity and resourcefulness). its like some kind of performance art.

when i was a kid, i always pretend that im one of my favorite anime characters. but i didnt dress up. i just stayed in character. i think this is one possible source of my multiple personalities. i "absorb" characteristics and mannerisms i like from other people (they say a toddler thats good with immitating is a brilliant and intelligent person. i wonder up to what age that's applicable).

i assume cosplay originated from japan. i think the japanese really do like to dress up. SNSD held a concert there and they said one noteable difference from their korean fans is that the japanese fans who attended their concert also dressed up like them. im wondering if that would count as cosplay. i think it does. cosplay isnt limited to anime, manga, and video game characters. if im not mistaken, cosplay is any portrayal of any character by dressing up like that character and assuming its...well, character. in the cosplay competition i watched, someone portrayed Lebron James and that was acceptable. so the Beatles can be the subject of cosplay too. i guess there seems to be no limit in the character that can be portrayed. and i guess the primary distinction in cosplay from any other performance art or portrayal is that the person is a fan of the character being portrayed. i really dont know much about cosplay.

anyway, i think cosplay is something that can be a useful tool in promoting cultural identities. lately, it seems, my blog entries always end with stuff im wondering about but i really dont exert much effort to explore and substantiate. its like an idea suddenly pops as i write and after saying something i find interesting, i leave it there. im interested in doing some research about Asian consumerism but there's really no reason for doing so aside from im just curious. i just learned that there's such a thing as the Green Wall of China and would like to know if its really a useless project but again...

the internet's progress is powered by our impatience

i cant imagine living without the internet. well, actually i can. in case the internet disappears tomorrow (which is impossible! it has to be impossible), i will revert back to reading books and watching TV. the internet (well, broadband internet) is the reason why i dont watch TV as often as before. i think my average TV use is half an hour to one hour daily. there are weeks that i dont watch TV at all. the TV programs that i watch, i watch them in my laptop (im claiming my sister's laptop and hoping she wins a Mac so i wont have to buy her a replacement laptop).

what i cant imagine is using dial up internet connection again (well, i cant imagine not losing my mind if exposed to prolonged use of dial up internet connection). ever since i switched to broadband, i have completely forgotten about those dial-up days of long ago (long ago means half a decade ago). i dont even know how i managed to wait for minutes for a webpage to load. now, 15 seconds is too long for any typical webpage. if there's anything that pisses me off the most, its a slow and/or intermittent internet connection (i think this would rank number one from the things that pisses me off). there are times i had to pull one of my arnis sticks from the cabinet and just hit the wall so i wont accidentally vent out my anger towards the laptop. when i was still using our desktop PC, i always slap or hit the PC monitor when the internet connection pisses me off (thats why i was amused when the repairman asked whether the PC monitor has ever been dropped because based from his diagnosis, thats the cause why the PC monitor suddenly gave out). my siblings would just scold me and say its not the PC monitor's fault why the internet connection is bad. now i remember those dial-up days. im really not that patient when it comes to internet speed.

so i guess the internet is one of the things im happy man invented (that is why its my concept for the T-shirt making contest for Artwork, stuff that make me happy. unfortunately, my drawing style isnt really for Artwork and the theme isnt really my thing but i decided to join after my siblings insisted that i join the contest). but the main side effect of the internet is that the faster it becomes, the more impatient i become. right now, im not satisfied with BayanDSL's 1mpbs connection (i just have that need for speed, like when im drunk driving. well, not really drunk driving but driving after sobering up). and its intermittent too. its been months of troubleshooting on my part and BayanDSLs. i alway report it and they promptly fix it but the problem returns after a few days. the only good thing i can say about BayanDSL is they have good and efficient customer service (unlike Bayantel. i wonder if BayanDSL can take over Bayantel's operations?).

i wonder if 4G technology is the internet's next big thing (since mobile broadband and wifi connectivity is the next step it has taken).

i dream of the day when the entire country is wifi ready. or an entire urban city at least

afflicted with the monovirus coupled by soshi fever

im really impressed how their company manages them. a nine member korean girl group, still very much intact in their third year, most likely will reach their fourth year together (i think the spice girls by their third year were already experiencing some tension. the comparison cant be avoided. their ancestors of recent history must be acknowledged). i guess making them live together in a dorm right from the start really made them bond together very well.

despite openly admitting they get envious or jealous of other members who get more exposure or favorable attention, they still manage to support and promote each other. most of them also have their own individual activities if their schedule permits them (DJs, drama series actress, sitcom, show host/MC, reality programs, variety shows, commercials, etc. so in case they break up, they still have a place in the entertainment industry). they recently held concerts in the US, Japan, Taiwan and i think also in Singapore just this latter half of the year (some concerts were with record label mates, some were their very own concerts). the concerts were just this latter half of the year. earlier this year, they were promoting their new album. how can their management handle all these affairs so well in different countries? of course they have counterpart companies in those other countries but...i guess i havent seen the Asian music industry in this light before. weve been so exposed to the US music industry that i never really wondered how these companies operate in the international level (because having foreign US music seems normal to us when it shouldnt be the case). the music industry isnt simply about promoting music. the music industry also serves as some form of gateway for a foreign culture to introduce itself in foreign territories. 

anyway, right now, SNSD is promoting in Japan as rookie artists. they also have a dorm there because longer presence would be required to promote themselves properly. theyre doing good too. and at the same time, they are making a comeback in Korea. simultaneous activities in two countries? the group is fortunate to have a member that's fluent in Japanese (although all of them have learned to speak basic japanese). they also have two members who are Americans that are very fluent in English (well, unless they have changed their citizenship. basic political science dictates that a country that adheres to the jus soli principle makes any person born within its territory a citizen of such country). their variety is one of their biggest assets and their work ethic is really impressive too. i think the management got lucky to have acquired them. well, i will give some credit to the company in being able to select these nine from their pool of trainees. seeing some chemistry is one thing but making them have a strong relationship with each other is another. its not like they were childhood friends or college friends that had a dream to become this particular group like the stories of rock bands. well, they did meet each other as trainees at a young age but that's still a different set-up. every other trainee is either a potential ally or potential rival. i think the spice girls underwent a similar selection process but not as intensive and as thorough. again, i digress.

in order to promote themselves in japan, they had to learn japanese and translate their singles in japanese. they're not the first to do this of course. i remember back in grade school, a japanese song was translated in Tagalog. the japanese artist was Ted Ito. other than that, i cant think of any other instance when a foreign artist tried to adapt the song to our local language to promote himself or herself in our country. there's got to be someone else other than Ted Ito.

i think im the only one that's seeing this girl group in an intensely analytical manner. anyway, in a somewhat related note, i wonder if anyone has made a study on the Asian form of consumerism.

weight gain diet

i think i finally restored my normal appetite. this means im starting to eat a lot again. during the bar review, i eat only three times a day (the basic three meals) and in average or less than average quantities. maybe its weird but i really lose my appetite or forget to eat when im busy or when i have important stuff in my head. thats why i lost some weight recently.

now, i eat at least four times a day and i make sure i have at least one heavy meal each day (heavy meal means at least three servings of rice in one meal). but that doesnt mean im going to gain weight soon. it takes some time before i start gaining weight. maybe after three months. that is if im able to maintain my big appetite.

at work, my officemates are amazed with how much i can eat and not gain weight at all. most people would be envious (especially women) but its really frustrating because i easily lose weight and have difficulty gaining it back. it was only after college that i really started gaining weight. but then again, i would rather have this problem than the other way around.

brain squeezed

managed to get myself some temporary legal research work while looking for a much longer employment. this cold is really getting in the way. i get mentally tired too quickly. i cough a lot. i cant taste my food (which is something new to me). people say that a person cant taste food when the person has a cold. this doesnt apply to me before. i can still taste food well even if i have a cold. its only now that i really cant taste it. or maybe its because of my whack tongue.

anyway, managed to get myself employed a week after the bar exams. its temporary but still its employment. sometimes i think im pushing myself too much (or the world is just too relaxed). maybe this is the reason why i still have a terrible cold and despite taking some meds, there's no sign of improvement.

so the moment i get my paycheck, im going to get me some good food (buffet!!!) and go to a really nice spa. or i could postpone it to some later date. its better to save some money first. depleted my funds to the point that im almost broke. im already using my emergency fund. the five month bar review plus the bar month cost me P40,000-P45,000. and that's already living cheaply (by the time august came, i had days where my planned budget was not more P25 so i will have enough money for september). good thing that i lose my appetite or forget to eat when i have a lot of stuff in my mind.

now that im working again, im going to gain back the weight i lost and start conditioning myself for my new year's resolution...a healthier lifestyle (something that ive been putting off for a couple of years now). i need to check if posted my new year's resolution for this year and see if i accomplished it.

crap. just remembered greenwich pizza's eheads promo. why does good stuff like this happen when im already unemployed and almost broke?! well, at least i still have almost a month to get it. the pretty counter girl from greenwich said its still up to October 31. 



i havent eaten a domino's pizza for more or less a decade. and the only branch i know is already closed. well, it means greenwich then.

humans are scarier

i remember back in law school (wow, i can finally say this) i would walk the dark corridors alone at 10 pm or 11pm at the 3rd floor of malcolm hall. its almost pitch black since classes end at 9pm. i would go there to get some stuff inside my locker. what i dont get it is why i have such memories. there's supposed to be a gate at the 2nd floor that should be closed by that time preventing access to the 3rd floor. but i think there are exceptional days when some classes end up very late so that would explain how i managed to get to the 3rd floor. ive also experienced a couple of times walking alone at the academic oval around 1am. my cousin always asks me how i could do that because he finds it really scary to walk alone at such time inside UP. well, i simply dont see ghosts. and im not afraid of the dark. although there are times when i wake up in the middle of the night and see a white humanoid form sitting at the foot of my bed, i simply think of it as a nightmare since i always feel im half-awake during those moments. so its possible im still in a dream-like state. ive had some unexplainable experiences that are scary (like many years ago when i was about to fall asleep when suddenly some air like force pressed against my back and started hearing a man saying something in chinese. the voice was saying chinese sounding words and the sound of the voice was swirling around my head. it only lasted for a few seconds, more or less five seconds) but i dont let it get to me. thats why i can easily walk dark corridors alone even in such unholy hours.

i also remember back in college that i got addicted to sadako. i would just stare at the desktop wallpaper of sadako (the one where she is crawling out of the TV set with nails torn off her fingers) in the middle of the night and try to imagine her crawling out of the computer. aaah, my lovely sadako. she was my addiction before 50 first dates.

dont you know its gonna be all right

when i was still working in an NGO, i attended a lot of workshops with participants coming from different parts of the country. in one workshop about what reforms our country needs, there was this person who keeps on insisting that there is a need for a cultural revolution. im not sure if this was his exact words but its something to this effect: that we need to re-establish our cultural values. i agree that there is a need for such kind of revolution but how do we do it? weve been successfully colonized and our mentality as a nation probably irreversibly altered.

im not sure what Filipino culture is except its a mix of a lot of cultures, both western and asian. there's such a thing as Filipino food, the hospitality trait, the bayanihan spirit, etc but its not really fixed in a coherent whole. we have so many languages. we have separatist movements. we have an imperial manila mentality for those in the NCR. Pacquiao is the embodiment of Filipino pride. nationalism came to the forefront through Francis M and his three stars and a sun (and the collezione Philippine archipelago shirts). the way i see it, we have a concept of the form of our culture but it doesnt have substance. its like we're lost and desperate so we grab on to anything we can be proud of. we have a sense of nationalism but the ties that bind us as a nation arent really strong. our sense of identity is weak and were a nation prone to having an identity crisis.

i think fixing the cultural problem that will give us a much stronger and definite sense of identity and pride will make our political, social and economic problems much easier to solve.

pa...pine...pank...panku...panclarks! pancakes!

even if im still not feeling well, it didnt stop me from looking for work. so i woke up early to submit my resume again to another law office. and because i woke up early, i heard the discussion in a morning show that gave me something to react to. the topic was the literacy requirement for barangay officials. really? its still a debatable topic?

back in high school, i honestly thought that the literacy rate will constantly improve and we will reach 100% literacy within a decade. with technological developments, information is much more accessible and eventually less expensive. or less costly. point is, i thought back then that our country's literacy rate will quickly improve as time goes by because we can't possibly grow illiterate as years pass by. thats against the evolutionary nature of man. i guess im wrong. its not inherent in every individual to aspire to learn, or at least be literate. i mean, if one wants to run for public office, at least allot a portion of one's time and money to know the basics to be literate. good governance cant be solely based on good intentions alone. some basic intellectual competence is needed too. it doesnt have to be a college degree (or even a high school degree). the ability to read and write is sufficient. and running for public office is not a right, its a privilege as opposed to the right to vote. public office is not something that can be demanded as something one is entitled to.

some argue that leaders with good educational backgrounds have done nothing good and its better to have a leader with a pure heart and good intentions even if lacking the intellectual skills. thats missing the point. literacy is different from intellect. besides, not because leaders with good educational backgrounds are no good doesnt mean the solution is to favor illiterate or incompetent ones. i agree that there are instances where the heart matters much more than the mind but i dont think it applies in the field of governance. this doesnt mean that a country's leader must always be some kind of intellectual person. although the head of a state wields a lot power, governance does not emanate from one person alone. even in a dictatorship. there are always advisers, competent advisers, that are there that exercise considerable influence on how a country is governed. thats why i think governance is always an intellectual activity. and why literacy should be a minimum requirement for effective governance. i just saw some loopholes in my arguments but im too lazy to plug them. point is, the literacy requirement for public officers shouldnt be a debatable topic at this day and age.

things can get really boring sometimes

i make use of two ways of concealing the truth or hiding a secret. one is put it out in the open in a manner no one will notice it and the other is by hiding it behind another truth, the truth behind a truth.

with the former, just present it in an uninteresting form and mention it in passing that makes it appear to be a simple, insignificant comment (and also try to determine when the person is least attentive), couched in terms as if pulled from out of the blue. whenever i do this, no one really sees the meaning behind what i just stated (most dont remember and for some that remember, they dont really see its significance). and i do this because i really dont want to be burdened with secrets that arent worth holding on to. secrets, both my own and others, have accumulated over the years and i really need to choose which ones to keep.

as for hiding the truth behind another truth, this one can really get tricky. its simply making use of a truth to distract another person and not see the truth hidden behind such truth. i usually do this in written form since its easier to formulate it in such a manner but it can be done orally. the first truth must be convincing enough or satisfying enough that the person would not doubt it as to its completeness or truthfulness. the underlying truth will only manifest itself upon further inquiry (with the right set of questions). the purpose of the first truth therefore is to ensure that no further inquiries are made. also, this can only be done if there are two related truths, one confidential and the other not as confidential or not confidential at all. and if an information is really, really confidential, the second truth may be further hidden in a layer of half-truths. but the problem with half-truths (or half-lies) is that one has to take note of them so as not to produce inconsistencies. thats why its easier to just deal with a bunch of truths carefully crafted together than a handful of lies.

the reason i stated this is because ive been asked to put my trust in a person. i said i really dont trust anyone (not even myself. i know a lot of instances where i managed to pull a trick against myself. its insane but it happens). not that i dont find the person trustworthy since i know this person is one of the few persons i know who is willing to take a bullet for me (even if i havent been the person to do the same for that person). its just that there is such a creature known as negligence and that person can be prone to it. not until i learn that the person can conceal secrets other than by mere omission will i consider disclosing information to a person.

speak like a child

im very, very sick right now. i have a terrible cold with painful coughing fits (this coughing fit is different from the one i had during the bar exams, that coughing fit was stress related, like my rashes, and wasnt painful at all). whenever i catch a cold, its not really this bad. i rarely took any cold medicine (for any illness, i only take some form of medication as a last resort. if i can endure the pain or discomfort without taking any medication, i wont take any. and ive been said to have a high tolerance for pain. like my toothache a few months ago. i dont quickly resort to painkillers until i really cant stand it anymore). but for the past 2-3 years, it seems my colds are getting worse and its really bad right now that i cant avoid taking some cold medicine. and the cold medicine isnt helping!

this is why i dont like sharing a plate with someone. i think thats where i got the cold virus. i shared a plate with someone earlier this week. my mind was a bit tired from the last exam last week to be really alert for what appeared to be an insignificant instance of plate sharing. i should never break my established personal rules. i set them up for a reason and in case i forget the reason behind the rule, i should still just follow it.

anyway, i just found out that im still the type who easily gets excited especially when i find or get what i want (or receive a pleasant surprise). my face lights up or i clap with delight (or make that fist motion basketball players do when they sink a three pointer. just did that during the bar exams when i saw a question that involves a provision of law i studied right before i slept the night before. i just got too excited after reading the question that i wasnt able to contain myself. i dont think it bothered my seatmate because she just kept writing). i believe no one has ever seen me get excited over anything. i mean the type of excited where i really cant contain it. no one has seen me to be really happy except my cousin a few years back. since 1997 or 1998, ive always been a very reserved person and always try not to let my guard down when im in public. like my college friend said to me, i always keep my emotions in check. for some reason, ive conditioned myself to exhibit a lot of self-restraint when in public. public means outside the confines of my room.