logged in for one last time...

probably. i just logged out of friendster a few minutes ago. havent logged in for a long time. if not for the site transformation, i probably wouldnt have logged in and backed-up the content i want to save. i didnt make use of its exporting tool. i have copies of those photos anyway. and im not much of a fan of my photos either. what i wanted to save were the testimonials and messages.

my friendster testimonials were...incomplete. i remember receiving testimonials from my fake accounts but it wasnt listed in my profile (ive got lots of fake accounts. i even had a "joint account"). well, i guess i wont be able to recover them anymore. what really bugged me were the messages. holy shit. ive completely forgotten about some of those messages and seeing just a glimpse of it...crap. i cant even...or i tried not to read some of those messages. it really bothered me. it bothered me because i really wanted to completely forget about it. and i have forgotten about it if not for the act of trying to save friendster messages. well, i still saved it anyway. i really cant delete such messages. well, i deleted it after making a back-up copy. its those kind of messages that are painful to remember and difficult to erase. and its worth saving because? i dont know. something that has a big impact could be worth something. 

anyway, i still remember my first profile pic. it was an ID picture. i still remember my first friend on friendster. he was the one that convinced me to make a friendster account. it was 2003 and his "sales pitch" was, its a good networking site. its a good way of finding old friends. i was initially against the idea of making an account because i dont need a website to communicate with friends. there's real life interaction and there's email (and egroups). i didnt see the purpose of a social networking site. but finding old friends was a good use for it. so i made a friendster acccount. because i wanted to find someone from my past. and i did find them after a few years through friendster. and lost them for good after getting in touch with them. wow, that sucked. its only now that i realized that.

i think in the future, friendster would be one of those things i would find haunting, like those people who lived in the 80's seeing their 80's selves. cant believe i had a friendster account, had those crazy profile pics and exchanged messages with so and so.

angelic deer choding

chucks and jeans

i was having my morning coffee at a nearby mcdonalds when i saw a law school batchmate/OLA teammate walk in. she approached me and asked where im off to. well, not really. i always misinterpret this question. its common to be asked "san ka ngayon?" which i think really means "what are you up to? or what's up with you?" instead of "where are you going today?". i always construe it as the latter. thats why i always get puzzled looks whenever i give my answer because they're wondering if im trying to be funny. obviously, they want updates about me rather than being informed where im heading for that particular day.

anyway, i answered correctly when i was asked the "please update me about yourself" question. i said im working in a nearby law office. she noted that i was only wearing a pair of jeans and chucks and a collared shirt (with a backpack). well, thats my office attire (and my office bag). i only wear court attire whenever i have court hearings (and i still use a backpack when i go to court). its not my thing to wear something formal or semi-formal (there are times i like wearing formal clothing but most of the time i dont). besides, our office doesnt have a dress code. i think the only rule is to just look decent enough. i guess. i think its common sense to look decent when one goes to the office. but since its not a strict rule, i sometimes go to the office with a 3 day to 5 day beard (i get lazy from time to time). clients dont seem to mind. i think. no one made a comment about my 3 day beard today (and im going to wear a 4day beard tomorrow. by wednesday, back to clean shaven look because im going to court).

with my laid back clothing, no one would think im a lawyer. i think i dont even act like a lawyer. i still act like some average guy with an average job (lawyering is seen to be a not so average occupation in this country). i dont mind being seen this way. keeping a low profile has always been my thing. and i really like wearing comfy clothing regardless of how it looks (although my current clothes arent really comfy anymore).

i gained a lot of weight lately resulting in 85% of my clothes not fitting me that nicely anymore in addition to the 10% that no longer fits me no matter how i try to wear it. my jeans feel tight already and some are already "falling apart" (one's got a hole and the zipper for another pair just broke earlier today). i only get new clothes during my birthday and during christmas. i dont buy my clothes. well, casual clothes to be more specific because i recently bought my court clothing. but given my current situation and probable continuous weight gain (i might be heading towards obesity. if i do reach that point, it will be the first time in my almost three decades of existence), i might have to buy clothes myself. its not my thing to buy clothes but i guess i really have no choice. its either i look stupid with uncomfy clothes or look stupid with comfy clothes that fit just right.

why did we make clothing this complicated in the first place? we just had to depart from simple clothing styles. well, i really dont mean what i just said because clothing and style have a big impact on appearance (i wont be able to appreciate the beauty of some celebrities if not for their sense of style). i just find buying my clothes really burdensome.

improvement starts with "i". i also need a better eye and an aye attitude

earlier today, i had a crazy thought. i thought of stopping my lazy lifestyle and aiming for excellence for a change. thinking about it now makes me feel tired. i hate doing something burdensome. but lately, i have been thinking that im in a half decade slump. im not as good as i was before. im a retard now. i mean, my intellectual level has not made any substantial development for half a decade or maybe more (ive been complaining about this for quite some time and i havent done anything to address it). sure some people still think im some kind of intelligent person but for three or four years, i havent been able to meet those expectations (i got a low grade for the bar exams. i took the exam seriously but i didnt give my best. as usual. i dont like giving my 100%. but i really put a lot of effort in it. i really studied hard. so its a bit unfair, yet flattering, but still unfair, for people to say to me that i was too relaxed during the review. that all i did was rent and watch movies and go to kiddie parties. well, i did do such things but i still studied hard at the same time. i just have my way of doing things. sometimes i wish people would recognize my "hardwork" even if it appears to be not much work for them. for me its an effort already). i think the only reason they thought im some kind of intelligent person was through people who knew me before. so its just hearsay, devoid of any basis. as for others who have known me long enough, they still have faith that the old me is somewhere inside me, hibernating or something. they still believe i can do things simply because they believe i can still be as good as i was before.

anyway, i thought i cant afford to be lazy anymore. the longer i continue the lazy lifestyle, the dumber i get. i need to do some hardwork and aim higher (i hate hardwork when im the one doing it!). actually, its time to always aim for number one at everything. crap. i hate it but if i want to keep up with greatness, i have to. this new lawyer environment is no longer some "kid stuff" which i can easily deal with. i miss the days when greatness was some effortless thing. of course i can always choose not to be great or not be a man of greatness but i got this far already, might as well make the best of it. im not convinced with what i just said but i do feel bad if i dont make good use of this lawyering thing.

if the world is ending, im throwing a party. but i think most people would be too busy panicking.

so the world will end. so what? i dont know what the big fuss is all about. with the rapture prediction, the end of the world became a hot topic...for the nth time. and im joining the fray.

let Jesus return, let the world crumble, why worry about it? why are people so afraid of judgment day or end of the world or whatever that will end life as we know it?

contrary to popular belief, i am a God fearing person and i do practice my faith. despite Stephen Hawking's comment implying there is no God or divine being (i think that's his latest comment based on his recent assessment of life, the universe and everything) which i accept to be perfectly reasonable and rational,  i still have faith in God. that's just the thing about faith, you just believe no matter what. but of course, i make sure i dont fall into blind adherence. that's making proper use of the God-given human will (unlike some Christians and other members of other religions). i pray every night, i go to mass every Sunday and i live my life trying to do things according to God's will. i make sure that im always guided by my conscience influenced by a spiritual self strengthened by faith in God. of course, being merely human, i am always susceptible to sin and temptation but thats part of practicing one' faith. its a never ending struggle to do more right than wrong, to live according to God's will (i now make a distinction between Church teachings and God's will. Church teachings are mostly valid except for some narrow-minded and inconsiderate positions which unavoidably raises doubts on the Church's authority on interpreting God's intentions). to strive to be perfect as part of the human thirst for the Infinite is supposed to be one of man's lifelong goals (if i remember my theology classes correctly).

going back to the end of the world talk, i dont know why people worry about it. if people live their lives in accordance to the faith they have, there shouldnt be any problems. a friend once commented, and i think ive posted an entry about it before, if the world does end, he knows that i would just sit down, relax and watch the world crumble. there's really nothing to worry about. if youre a sinner, youre doomed. if not, good for you. so why panic? if im going to hell, worrying about it and panicking wont get me anywhere except hell. im going to accept what God thinks i deserve.if there's an appeal process, then appeal. i doubt it. but just in case God is generous enough. i mean, a person has his or her entire life to do things according to God's will and on the last minute ask for a second chance or a chance to prove that he or she shouldnt go to hell or to not receive some kind of punishment? how can that person defend himself or herself in God's court.

anyway, if there's still time to repent, then repent. dont wait for the end of days to come. besides, at the end of the day during the end of the world, its God's call. as Stephen Hawking said "[w]e should seek the greatest value of our action". its weird that those who have a religion waste their time worrying about death and the end of the world instead of just living their lives in accordance to their faith. or is it just the Christians who worry? someone once said, "I like your Christ. I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ." (this quote is attributed to Gandhi but its still disputed whether he actually said it. so until there's a conclusive determination who said it, i will attribute it to someone). maybe thats why all this end of the world talk generate a lot of buzz.

just another PS3 entry

a friend asked me this few weeks ago: "what's up with guys and video games?"

i really dont know. we just like it. ever since i got tired of those facebook games, ive been craving for a PS3. now that i have a PS3, i dont even understand why i played those facebook games in the first place. well, i have to admit those facebook games arent that bad. but its certainly not comparable to "real" video games.

video games are enjoyable. pure and simple. we dont ask why, we just play. why guys like it more than girls, i have no idea. it never bothered me. although guys in a relationship might need some good explanation to give to their girlfriends why they spend a lot on video games (a newly released PS3 game costs around P2K. and there's no bootleg version for PS3 games on blu-ray discs). i guess thats why the PS3 added a lot of features. so guys can provide a good explanation why its worth the money. so aside from just being a simple video game console, it can play DVDs, Blu-ray movies and downloaded movies in .avi format (i dont know what other formats it can play. as long as it can play .avi format, im good). it can play downloaded Youtube videos in .mp4 format (because PS3's browser sucks so i dont bother using it to watch Youtube vids). if thats not enough, it has enough hard disk capacity to serve as a storage for photos and music library. i think it also has a simple built in video editor too (im not really that eager to find out the other features. i just want to play games and watch girls' generation videos. so instead of a music library, i have a music video library). its also a bluetooth and wifi enabled device. but like i said, its internet browser sucks.

so for a video game console with a lot of features, its not a bad purchase. well, its not a problem for an employed single guy like me. i dont need to convince anyone. its my money, its my time. but with regard to my friend, she still didnt get it. she knows it has a lot of features but still, its a video game console, primarily used for video games. money can be spent on more valuable things instead on a blu-ray disc worth around P2K to be used on a machine thats worth thousands (depends on the PS3 model. the ones that are still in production are at least P13K with the latest model around P14K. that is, if one can find decent enough stores that sell it at this low price. most stores usually sell it at P18K-P21K. thats why it took me weeks of canvassing).

i wasnt able to explain to her why guys like video games, why guys are willing to spend a lot on these things even if we dont have much time to use it (if i were in college, i would be playing video games all day. but since im working now, i try to squeeze in some game time whenever i can). its not necessarily a guy thing but it looks that way. we really just like to play video games.   

Pureisutēshon Surī

finally got me self a sony playstation 3! its been years since i played a video game through a video game console. my very first video game console (which i didnt really own since i did not buy it with my own money) was a PS one. i got it when i was already a freshman in college. i started losing interest in it when the PS2 was released and my cousin bought one. playing games with the PS one doesnt feel as exciting after experiencing PS2.

and now, i have my own PS3. one my major purchases since i became a laywer (the first one was a lenovo laptop which was not for me). im old but not too old for video games. you cant be too old for video games. well, in a few years, my generation will find out if there's such a thing as being too old for video games. video games have changed ever since the 1970s (when the first generation of video game consoles were born).

anyway, i bought it on a friday night, almost three weeks ago. i came home itching to buy it. i was planning on buying one ever since i passed the bar (as a reward for myself) but i cant decide when. almost everyday i kept telling my siblings im going to buy myself a PS3. i cant just buy it because there are a lot of other important things i should be spending my money on (although i do have enough money to buy one, still, i need to prioritize the necessary expenses). also, i have work so when i do buy one, i must have time to play it so i can test it well. but on that particular friday night, i just cant bear it any longer. i just had to buy it. so i did what nike tells people to do. just do it. and i did.

i remember i got home around 8:30 that night. i just had a very busy week. and i thought, a PS3 would be something nice to have that weekend. so i rushed to the mall, got there around 9pm. i still have an hour before it closes. i have been canvassing for weeks, so i already know which shop to go to. i went to the shop, asked for the price of the console, additional controller, HDMI cable (i need to have an HDMI cable. what's the point of getting a PS3 if i wont be able to use its HDMI slot and upscaling abilities) and a couple of games. i asked the salesperson to add it all up and i will just go to the nearest ATM to get the money (i try not to carry any money with me when i commute). 20 minutes later, i was paying for the console and the other stuff. holy crap. finally, i have a PS3 (dropped by the nearest ministop first before heading home because i havent eaten my dinner).

i didnt buy it out of impulse (although it appears that way). it was just a question of when. ive been doing my research on which video game console to buy and the PS3 came out on top (and the most expensive). its not simply a video game console like the PS one. its also a Blu-ray player. it also has a large hard disk capacity (320 gig) where i can store pics, music and videos. i dont intend to use it to play music or view pictures. but what really convinced me to buy a PS3 (aside from the video games of course) is that it can play .avi and .mp4 video format. when i learned that i can play and store my downloaded videos in it, i knew its going to be worth my money. i can play games and watch shows i like (and if i eventually decide i want to play non-sedentary video games like the games available on Wii, i can buy its Playstation equivalent, the Playstation Move). the only thing i hate is its internet browser. it sucks. it would have been perfect if its browser was as good as the ones in ordinary computers.

now i can strike the PS3 off my list of tech stuff to buy this year. time to save up for the next gadget. the thanksgiving dinner was...financially draining. if not for that dinner i could have bought myself a really nice digicam and a kindle. but the latter can wait. actually, its not even that necessary. i dont even have to buy it this year.

its only been a month? felt like half a year

officially a lawyer for one full month. i signed the Roll of Attorneys last April 18 (the bar exam results were released last March 17). the last act before one becomes a full fledged member of the Philippine bar. one year ago, i told a friend that i can only relax the moment i sign the rolls. not until that moment, i wont be satisfied with just passing the bar exams. i mean, anything could happen. i could die in an accident before April 18. in that case, i died as a law graduate and a bar exam passer, not a lawyer. and now, a month has passed since i signed the rolls. i still cant fully relax.

being a new lawyer is really tiring. i dont think its just the work that drains me. im still in an adjustment stage. there's a lot of things i dont know. the stuff they teach in law school are just the simple things. the bar exams only ask basic questions. actual law practice is intellectually challenging. i like it of course but there's really no time to immerse in it. there are deadlines to meet, clients to talk to and other stuff to be done. its like learning with a time limit. i cant take my time in thinking and formulating strategies. there are a handful of cases that need attention in a given week. multitasking is not necessarily a must but it would be really, really useful. i know that this is how things are supposed to be since im just starting. over time, things will become routinary. with every case, with every experience i gain, eventually i can handle a number of cases with ease and finish it without much thought.

one problem i have with lawyering is how i can make it "my way". its a bit shallow but its unavoidable too. im not a flashy dresser. im not a smooth talker. i hate talking.  well, i prefer not to talk most of the time. but i have to at least be "lawyerly" or conduct myself like one. a few weeks ago, i wanted to buy a leather bag but im backpack type of guy. i go to court wearing a dark barong with a backpack. thats how i do it. but the leather bag really looks nice. and it obviously goes well with court attire. but thats just not me. ever since i was in grade II, i always used a backpack. the only time i dont use a backpack is when i use my laptop bags. so i thought, im going to buy a leather laptop bag. if there's such a thing. stuff like this clutter my brain. its nonsense but the character i play has always been something i really take care of. and i digressed.

i was asked if lawyering is awesome. it is. but right now, i cant enjoy it. time isnt on my side. not yet. im still adjusting how i can keep up with the pace.

i hate wake up calls

i made my first embarrassing court appearance earlier today. the judge really made me look i didnt know what i was doing. i looked so bad that i was honestly waiting for the judge to say to my client to replace me with a more competent counsel. it was a big miscommunication with my client and im to blame. i should have been more cautious. i relied too quickly on what was given to me and acted on it without giving it some more thought. 

well, i am a new lawyer (im just two days away from being officially a lawyer for one full month). but thats not really an excuse when i already had a limited law practice for one year and a half. ive attended court hearings before and everything went fine in most, if not all, of my previous court appearances. i even won a case already. sort of. im the one that conducted the direct examination for a particular case, with not much opposition. the only way the court will not rule in my favor is if the judge was heartless. so there's still a slight chance of losing. anyway, this is the first time ive handled a case under a specific and special field of law practice. so, in effect, its my first time. but still, i cant let myself have that excuse.

people would say im being hard on myself. right after the embarrassing moment, my client was in effect consoling me, telling me its all right. thats how bad i took it. i guess my state was like a straight A student who received his first D. im no straight A student, and ive done a lot of disappointing things but i was really shocked with what transpired during today's hearing. i admit i was not really prepared but again, its no excuse. i know i could have done more. i could have served my client better. i know im better than what i showed earlier. i guess its a wake up call for me to take this lawyering seriously. most people think im the serious type but thats really just form. inside, i take most things lightly. its really burdensome to take things seriously.

sunny bunny

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