its only been a month? felt like half a year

officially a lawyer for one full month. i signed the Roll of Attorneys last April 18 (the bar exam results were released last March 17). the last act before one becomes a full fledged member of the Philippine bar. one year ago, i told a friend that i can only relax the moment i sign the rolls. not until that moment, i wont be satisfied with just passing the bar exams. i mean, anything could happen. i could die in an accident before April 18. in that case, i died as a law graduate and a bar exam passer, not a lawyer. and now, a month has passed since i signed the rolls. i still cant fully relax.

being a new lawyer is really tiring. i dont think its just the work that drains me. im still in an adjustment stage. there's a lot of things i dont know. the stuff they teach in law school are just the simple things. the bar exams only ask basic questions. actual law practice is intellectually challenging. i like it of course but there's really no time to immerse in it. there are deadlines to meet, clients to talk to and other stuff to be done. its like learning with a time limit. i cant take my time in thinking and formulating strategies. there are a handful of cases that need attention in a given week. multitasking is not necessarily a must but it would be really, really useful. i know that this is how things are supposed to be since im just starting. over time, things will become routinary. with every case, with every experience i gain, eventually i can handle a number of cases with ease and finish it without much thought.

one problem i have with lawyering is how i can make it "my way". its a bit shallow but its unavoidable too. im not a flashy dresser. im not a smooth talker. i hate talking.  well, i prefer not to talk most of the time. but i have to at least be "lawyerly" or conduct myself like one. a few weeks ago, i wanted to buy a leather bag but im backpack type of guy. i go to court wearing a dark barong with a backpack. thats how i do it. but the leather bag really looks nice. and it obviously goes well with court attire. but thats just not me. ever since i was in grade II, i always used a backpack. the only time i dont use a backpack is when i use my laptop bags. so i thought, im going to buy a leather laptop bag. if there's such a thing. stuff like this clutter my brain. its nonsense but the character i play has always been something i really take care of. and i digressed.

i was asked if lawyering is awesome. it is. but right now, i cant enjoy it. time isnt on my side. not yet. im still adjusting how i can keep up with the pace.