swimming in a sea of contentment? not really

i feel different today. im not sure if its because of my illness but i just feel different. its like walking on a peaceful street when the sun is about to set, seeing on one side of the street a serene old woman greeting affectionately a passing neighbor while a group of teens cheerfully walks and chats with each other on the other side of the street. no signs of any worries from them. the air is calm with the leaves of trees barely moving but one can still feel a faint wind hitting one's face. and the street is just really quiet as the sun continues its gradual descent. the atmosphere is just plain peaceful. a peaceful sunday afternoon. not much clouds. not much wind. not even a gentle breeze. its not a happy atmosphere. not sad either. its simply peaceful. and its what i am experiencing right now. the feeling of peace and contentment is not foreign to me but somehow, this one does. its a different kind of peace. its not the kind of sense of contentment im familiar with. the feeling of peace and contentment im familiar with is the one based from reason and rational thoughts. its a product of what's within me. i strengthen my sense of contentment with reason. but this peaceful feeling im having now is different in a sense that it does not come from my inner being. it seems to be coming from the outside and enclosing me with its calming influence. the reason im sure the feeling isnt coming from within me is because my inner self is disturbed by a lot of things, mostly work related and difficult decisions regarding my future. then there's stuff from the past that keeps haunting me. i should be in panic mode right now because i should have worked all day but i woke up around 5:30 pm. i managed to convince myself to rest instead so as not to aggravate my illness. but my mind is telling me that come tomorrow, i just increased my workload so i just procrastinated. yet despite the inner conflicts, the peaceful feeling with its incredible influence, makes me feel relaxed to the point my mind is shouting this is crazy.

or maybe its just my overpowering sense of laziness coupled with my "im sick so i dont care" attitude. in any case, i didnt get any job done today when i should have. im too weak to summon and use crammer mode but by tomorrow, i wouldnt have any choice. deadlines are fatal to a lawyer. i guess i will have to work while i sleep, meaning start writing the draft in my dream. havent done that before but there's no harm in trying such an idea.