just another simple sunday

most people like their own birthdays. i do too. i like its month. i like its date. i like its year. what i dont like is people making a fuss about it. well, recently, thats what i dont like about it. i just dont like receiving the kind of attention people give to people on their birthdays. thats why this year, i thought my birthday went well compared to recent years. it went like just another simple sunday. i didnt even feel it was my birthday.

like most kids, i like celebrating my birthday. i get excited the same way as im excited when christmas day arrives. but as i grew older, i got less enthusiastic about it. maybe it was the gift receiving part. im not that interested in receiving gifts anymore. not that i dont want gifts, i just can go on without receiving any. i dont have strong feelings regarding receiving gifts (but then again, i dont have strong feelings for most things). and like i said, i dont like receiving too much attention. being the moody person that i am, i dont want to receive attention when im not in the mood to have any. it really makes me uncomfortable. in the previous years, i felt everyone was waiting for me to come out of my room so they can greet me. it makes me start my day feeling weird.

this year, i spent my birthday with less personal greetings. and i managed not to think it was my birthday most of the day. i ate lunch with my family at a mall's foodcourt (because i wanted the crispy ribs and kimchi of Kimchi), watched the first half of the 7th installment of Harry Potter with my siblings and accompanied my sister buy her new pair of shoes. the day wasnt about me, it was like any other typical mall day. it was nice. i guess im the type that gets too mindful its my birthday that it heightens my expectations and i ruin it for myself when people dont meet my standards. thats why i would rather forget its my birthday so i can enjoy it more. reminds me of a commercial of a Tv program in JackTV. that the key to happiness is lowered expectations. its meant to be a joke but it makes a lot of sense and in a way a bit sad that there's some truth in it.

anyway, im greeting myself a happy birthday. and im offering myself this birthday card given to me by college blockmates a few years ago. how self-centered can i get that im greeting myself and giving myself a card (well, i enjoy it when im self-centered). i took this pic during the bar review. for some reason, i just felt like going down memory lane after a tiring review day.

losing a whole year

i went to cubao earlier today to have my driver's license renewed. i even asked permission from the office secretary that i will be late for work today because of the renewal. when i reached the LTO center in cubao, the guy asked for my license and i gave it to him. i was surprised with what he said. my license isnt due to expire until next year! i checked my license and he was right! what the?

i checked the date in my license the night before (and days before because i was convinced that its supposed to expire this year) and i remember reading that its supposed to expire in 2011. problem is, i forgot its only 2010. ever since 2008-2009, whenever i compute years, for some strange reason, i count 2010 and 2011 as one. not that i see them as one year but its either i forget about 2010 or i forget about 2011. after 2009, i only count one year then i quickly skip to 2012. i think im too eager to be in 2012.

i miss seeing 5am with a smile on my face

right now, im just waiting for the clock to strike 12. im too tired to read or study anything and ive watched all the vids i can watch for today (i try to estimate the vids whether i will finish watching it before 12). im really trying to get an average of 7 hours of sleep each day (but i usually end up with 8 hours). ive been observing my hours of sleep for months and i noticed that if i sleep after 1am, i get pimples (and i get them in a particular area of my face and all over my scalp). if i sleep beyond 8 hours, the skin between my eyes, up to some portion of the skin beneath my eyebrows, gets oily and dry so it ends up looking like i have dandruff on my eyebrows and between my eyes (some say its caused by stress but i noticed that it was really related to the number of sleeping hours).

i really should avoid sleeping beyond 1am because even if i get enough sleep, im bound to get pimples. if i sleep early, i should wake up early and not go beyond 8 hours. thats why im waiting for 12 midnight because i dont like waking up early (so if i sleep by midnight, ideally, i should wake up by 7am, not later than 8am but not earlier than 6am. so i wont oversleep or have too less of it). well, its not that i dont like waking up early but its really more of i dont have reason to wake up. every morning, i just wake up because i dont want to be late for work. before that, its because i dont want to be late for school. i dont wake up because im looking forward to something. or im happy to have another day. well, for a certain time in 2009, i was happy to wake up every morning because i had a reason to wake up (or i was happy to wake up because i have another day to spend and i was looking forward to spend it). so i know how it feels to wake up with a sense of purpose or sense of eagerness to live another day or have the answer to the question posed by the Nescafe classic commercial. waking up this way really makes a lot of difference. unfortunately, waking up in this manner is something that's against my norm. if only i could sleep a lot i would so i wouldnt have to wake up. i love to sleep because i like it more than the moments im awake but i cant spend much time sleeping now. at this age, i cant oversleep anymore. i have to accept the fact that sleeping more than what my body needs is time wasted or time that could be used productively.

12 long years of struggling against obsolescence

our home PC is already 12 years old, going for 13 and most likely will reach and finish 13 years.

it malfunctioned yesterday so i had it repaired earlier this day. the reason it gets stuck on the boot screen was because its floppy disk drive was already malfunctioning. if it didnt malfunction, i wouldnt have known that such disk drive still existed in our PC's CPU. i stopped using floppy diskettes a long time ago. i think i was still using it back in college but as early as 3rd year college, i knew that the USB flash drive was the future of portable storage devices. back then it cost around P1300 or P1500 for a thumb drive with a only a few megabytes of disk storage.

anyway, we bought our PC back in 1998 with a Windows 98 operating system. i think it only had a 2gig hard disk. that hard disk crashed in 2003, i think because i downloaded too many songs from napster that i reached its maximum storage space, leaving no room for the OS to operate. i remember leaving the PC on overnight while it downloaded the songs using a 56k dial-up modem. when its hard disk crashed, i had the PC upgraded. the hard disk was upgraded to 20gig and its processor to Pentium 4. i think its RAM was upgraded too. the upgrade costs around P14,000. then a few years later, i think around 2006, since the 20gig hard disk wasnt sufficient, i added another hard disk with a 250 gig capacity. then earlier this year, april 2010, it's video card finally gave in. so i upgraded its video card and added another hard disk, this time only 40 gig, just to replace the 20 gig hard disk as its C drive since the 20 gig hard disk is showing signs of having difficulties in processing stuff and might crash anytime soon. i think the upgrade was around P2000 to P3000. as for the recent malfunction, no repair was needed since no one has used the floppy drive for years and no one will use it anymore. the only thing that needed to be done was deactivate it (which i did improperly thats why i had to bring it to the repairshop).

its keyboard, printer, speaker, soundcard, motherboard and power supply are still the same parts from 1998. its original CD drive has been deactivated since i needed the slot for the hard disk but its still functioning (the newer CD drive is the one that's showing signs that it might stop working sooner or later). its dial-up modem is still there and i dont think it ever broke down. so its still functioning too (if there will come a time that i will use it). its motherboard is so old that it's USB slots are at the back of the CPU (and there's only two so i had to buy additional USB slots) and its difficult to find a compatible RAM for it since it might no longer be in production anymore. the monitor has only been replaced once and it was still back in college. so were still using a CRT monitor.

i still remember the day this PC came to our house. i was so excited and relieved. excited because i already had a love for gadgets since then and the PC back in the 90s was a wonderful creature. relieved because i will no longer struggle using my typewriter. i call it my typewriter because i was the only one that used it. i remember going to the mall to buy its ribbon.  

chocolate love

i saw something today that cheered me up after i got home from work. my jaw dropped when i saw the contents of the white plastic bag inside the fridge. it contained chocolates!!!

yeah, i like chocolates a lot. when i still had a better paying job, i drop by 7/11 and buy me some toblerone dark then eat it while walking home (now, i have a new 7/11 item im addicted to. i wonder why groceries dont have this item?). i dont consider chocolates as candies. for me its an entirely different creature from candies (like an ice cream being different from chocolates). i dont like candies very much. thats why when people ask me whether i have some candy, i always answer no and its highly unusual for me to have any (i know a college blockmate who always have some candies in his pockets or bag. i remember he had a whole pack of candies at home). thats why i consider chocolates as a different creature because as opposed to candies, i like it a lot and its hard for me to say no to someone who offers me chocolates (im programmed to say no, politely or not so politely, to anyone who offers me snacks and candies. i dont want putting my hand in another person's bag of chips. usually. there are exceptions as usual).

im thankful that my tongue is only partially damaged. at least i can still taste the chocolate's goodness. i think this defective tongue would be most likely permanent. i asked my dentist cousin about it and he said stuff like this happens. he has a patient that had a numb cheek for 6 months. it will eventually go away he said. well, i havent reached my sixth month from surgery but if this defective tongue doesnt go away, im not sure if im going to sue the dentist. the thing is, litigation is costly and time consuming. and given that there's always a risk involved in surgery and the need to prove negligence to have a stronger, valid claim, filing a suit for damages might not be ideal. well, it depends. i need to study if there is a good cause of action and whether there is in fact negligence. and if there's still a way to correct the damage of course.

well, at least i can still taste and enjoy chocolates even if half of my tongue cant taste it. of all the foods that i like, chocolates made me think of not being able to enjoy it as usual because of my damaged tongue. well, i thought about it too when i tried tasting mcdonalds fries a week after the surgery but when i found that i can still taste it to some extent, i wasnt as bothered as not being able to enjoy chocolates. 

i really have the knack for not taking seriously stuff that should be taken seriously

just had an interview a few hours ago. it was a nice law firm. it wasnt as intimidating as i initially thought (as usual, my standards are different from actual standards of most people. if i conducted the interview, i would have done it like a "terror" professor, setting a very uncomfortable atmosphere). unfortunately, i didnt bring my A game. actually, i havent brought it for quite some time now (wait, i have an A game? i thought it was against my religion to excel at anything?). when i was riding the bus, heading home after the interview, i was analyzing my interview and how i could have done much better (i should have said this, clarified that, elaborated this, mentioned that, etc).

i left early from my current law office so i could attend the interview for this law firm. i finished the legal research that was assigned to me earlier before leaving. right after i gave the research file to the secretary, i started walking home so i could change to a formal attire for the interview. i reached the law firm 20 minutes before my scheduled time. i have no idea where the law firm is located except its near the Solicitor General's office and i merely estimated the travel time. i thought i was going to be late because i didnt expect that there were only a few passengers at the jeepney terminal around 4:30pm. my interview is scheduled at 5pm. fortunately, the driver didnt wait for his jeep to be filled up. he left the terminal with only five passengers. then the first building i checked for its name was the building of the firm. i just walked a few meters from the solgen's building, checked the name of the building from my PDA and when i randomly stopped in front of a building to check its name, it was already the building i was looking for (my good navigation skill is partially dependent on luck/dirk gently's style of navigation, partially dependent on how well im good at picturing a place from a bird's eye view/wikimapia). so i went in and when i saw the receptionist, i was a bit amused because she was exactly how i pictured her (only half a decade younger. but her face is exactly the same. but the haircut is a bit different). well, that is, if she was the one that called me up regarding the interview (i tried to match a face with the voice while she was telling me about my interview schedule over the phone). if she wasnt the one that called me up, well, she was what i imagined to be sitting at the reception desk of this law firm. so is it a sign im going to get hired here? nah. im just psychic (like the time i was able to imagine how a friend's place would look like).

i was interviewed by three partners of the firm and i didnt bring my A game. i was more focused on not stuttering. i stutter a lot, especially when i have lots of stuff in my mind or have overlapping thoughts. thats why i tell myself im more effective in speaking when im tired. when im tired, my "i dont care, i'll say what i want" self comes to the forefront. im too tired to screen thoughts and words im going to use (im always careful with what i say. thats why a friend tells me that its always a question of semantics when he talks with me. imprecise wordings or vague phrases creates loopholes). unfortunately, its also my most uninhibited self, obviously. so it means i would frown a lot and give an expression that a long conversation is becoming bothersome (or that im getting bored already). but at least i dont stutter and im much more persuasive because my manner of speaking becomes more aggressive and forceful. i dont think thats good in an interview. well anyway, my A game is the midpoint of the two extremes, my stuttering self and the aggressive speaker self. the last time i brought it was half a decade ago. it comes with good theatrics for emphasis. now, i just go to interviews. i sit there and answer questions. i take my time to think and i think im also mindful of not frowning. i really should prepare more. im charging too much to experience that its already an excuse to come unprepared.

ideas are bulletproof

Allow me first to apologize for this interruption. I do, like many of you, appreciate the comforts of every day routine- the security of the familiar, the tranquility of repetition. I enjoy them as much as any bloke. But in the spirit of commemoration, thereby those important events of the past usually associated with someone's death or the end of some awful bloody struggle, a celebration of a nice holiday, I thought we could mark this November the 5th, a day that is sadly no longer remembered, by taking some time out of our daily lives to sit down and have a little chat. There are of course those who do not want us to speak. I suspect even now, orders are being shouted into telephones, and men with guns will soon be on their way. Why? Because while the truncheon may be used in lieu of conversation, words will always retain their power. Words offer the means to meaning, and for those who will listen, the enunciation of truth. And the truth is, there is something terribly wrong with this country, isn't there? Cruelty and injustice, intolerance and oppression. And where once you had the freedom to object, to think and speak as you saw fit, you now have censors and systems of surveillance coercing your conformity and soliciting your submission. How did this happen? Who's to blame? Well certainly there are those more responsible than others, and they will be held accountable, but again truth be told, if you're looking for the guilty, you need only look into a mirror. I know why you did it. I know you were afraid. Who wouldn't be? War, terror, disease. There were a myriad of problems which conspired to corrupt your reason and rob you of your common sense. Fear got the best of you, and in your panic you turned to the now high chancellor, Adam Sutler. He promised you order, he promised you peace, and all he demanded in return was your silent, obedient consent. Last night I sought to end that silence. Last night I destroyed the Old Bailey, to remind this country of what it has forgotten. More than four hundred years ago a great citizen wished to embed the fifth of November forever in our memory. His hope was to remind the world that fairness, justice, and freedom are more than words, they are perspectives. So if you've seen nothing, if the crimes of this government remain unknown to you then I would suggest you allow the fifth of November to pass unmarked. But if you see what I see, if you feel as I feel, and if you would seek as I seek, then I ask you to stand beside me one year from tonight, outside the gates of Parliament, and together we shall give them a fifth of November that shall never, ever be forgot.

Vi Veri Veniversum Vivus Vici.

the corporate ministry era was a big joke

i was able to see a short youtube clip about a market researchers meeting and they were trying to think of ways how to "sell" SNSD to young girls in japan. if i remember correctly, they reviewed 6,000 songs (from all over the world, starting from 2008. i guess to determine not only what kind of music appeals to young japanese girls but to also see if there's an emerging trend in pop music) and try to come up with a way how to make the korean girl group appealing to young japanese girls. they're targeting this gender and age bracket because they dont have to worry about the males, whether young or old, because they will "come aboard anyway" (most guys are easily manipulated by pretty women. thats why i ended up buying my cellphone in a particular store, why i ended up choosing a particular pair of shoes, why i ended up getting caught swerving on the road, why i ended up missing a somewhat important appointment, why i ended up...having an aversion for pretty women).

i think their research on how to repackage the korean girl group to their japanese audience was successful because as opposed to the group's fans in korea (which i think are mostly middle aged male fans), their fans in japan are mostly young japanese girls. now this kind of research isnt something new or something very impressive. but seeing how successful this market research team was in doing their job and working with people who knows how to execute their plans based from the data they gathered makes me want to work with these kind of people (i wonder if their expertise is limited to the entertainment industry?). or at least see how they manage to do it. i find it remarkable how they were able to gather all the relevant data they need to target a particular gender and age bracket in a particular country and knowing how to use that data to get the results they want. in short, i want to know the process they have after seeing the effect of their research. the same way i want to know how Lee Sooman was able to create such an impressive creature such as SM Entertainment. of course there are "horror stories" about their kind of management but thats basically how a successful corporation works. fans forget that being a celebrity is work. well, that doesnt justify the management to treat their talents like slaves but there are contracts and lawsuits to regulate the relationship. i dont think it can be considered as forced labor. i think its simply forcing people to work hard and push them to their limits. intense pressure is required to produce diamonds.

i used to hate the corporate world. especially when i was still in my "marxist" phase (a college blockmate used to brand me a communist. and i expected him to know better that communism and marxism are two different animals. i never advocated the establishment of a communist state). now, i still dont like the corporate world but only to a certain extent. im still not comfortable working in a corporate environment. but if there's something that can persuade me to work in a corporate environment (well, its not as if a corporation would want me to work for them), its being able to work for a corporation that's a "moving force" in an influential industry and its operations is not limited to a particular country. or at least a corporation with a big potential to become one.

I think we may class the lawyer in the natural history of monsters. - john keats

last week, i was with my brother and my cousin at my cousin's friend's house. there my cousin commented that all three of us (me and my siblings) have "fine arts" running in our blood. but it was only me who didnt pursue it and took up law instead. she said this allowed both my siblings to pursue their fine arts related careers (my cousin's friend is a fine arts graduate/painter. i think. i just woke up then and was asked to tag along). it gave her the impression i took up my law studies against my will.

well, not really. i gave up on drawing as early as high school. i abandoned it completely the moment i decided not to continue my UP College of Fine Arts application. i decided to take up law when i was in 3rd year college. not because i thought lawyering was awesome but because i was interested in the field. its hard for us to like lawyering because we grew up being taught lawyering is about defending people and getting paid in kind (like eggs, live poultry, seafood, etc), not in cash (so if lawyering is as simple as that, it looks boring and not very rewarding). and if there is cash payment, i thought its not much because my lawyer relatives arent rich. if theyre rich, theyre not solely working as lawyers. they have businesses too. point is, we werent told that lawyering could be a lucrative profession. i only learned about it when i was in law school already. i see lawyers portrayed in movies and television but what i notice are their courtroom battles and not their wealth. the suits dont mean anything except being well dressed.

when i was already in law school, i rarely had doubts whether i wanted to be a laywer. when i decided to take up law back in college, i was determined to finish it. i may not have finished on time, but i did finish it. and in the years i was in law school, what confirmed that i wanted to be a lawyer was when i was in OLA. what i did in OLA confirmed what i wanted to do. lawyering is something i wanted to do and i find it enjoyable. so taking up law and finishing it is not against my will. i think i give off this impression probably because i want to do a lot of things and at the same time, im not passionate with my law studies. i guess im simply a person thats not very passionate with most things. this particular cousin have seen how happy i can be (something that rarely happens and only less than a handful of people have witnessed. seriously, less than a handful) and she never saw me to be like that with regard to my law studies. so its understandable to get that impression.

now, im working in a law office as a legal researcher, with a salary a little higher than the minimum wage. i keep telling other people that im still looking for other law offices to transfer to because i need to save some money. but im not really exerting much effort. im starting to think i really dont want to leave my current office. i may not be earning much but im getting good exposure with the variety of cases being handled. its a good place to learn. its a good place to practice. the only downside is the pay is not good. i think the reason im not eager to look for other law offices is because i still think lawyering isnt about making money (i should never think its about making money). this is my childhood concept of lawyering and im sort of living it. well, sort of and not completely since im not a lawyer yet but this is how ive always thought how lawyering is. to be asked to defend people without much monetary rewards. its not that im not into money making or something to that effect. its just that ive always thought that if im going to make money, its not through lawyering. thats why im trying to look for other ways to earn.

anyway, not sure if i can stay long in this current office since what this law office needs is a lawyer and not much of a legal researcher. and i cant work for free because i need to earn too.

detox just to retox

ive been putting off having a healthier lifestyle for years. its just so much effort and im the type who spends more effort trying to find ways in doing things with less effort but not necessarily short cuts (something like the "one time, big time" philosophy or the "great exertion for making the constitution"). and living a healthier lifestyle doesnt seem to have that kind of less effort. one needs to really do it consistently over a certain period of time.

anyway, its been a month since ive been contemplating to live a healthier lifestyle. so im starting to be more convinced that this isnt just a phase and that i might be really serious about it. as with most of my undertakings, i try to make sure its not going to be a waste of my effort. this reminds me of a "tristanism" where its better to put things off for tomorrow. life is unsure and death can come at night while one sleeps. due to this possibility and lingering uncertainty of waking up the day after, its better to do one's work for tomorrow if it can wait because it would be a waste of effort to finish it early and die during the night. imagine spending one's remaining moments working instead of relaxing. i honestly believed in this back in college. some would say its a crammer's excuse but it really makes sense. if i finish stuff early and i died before the deadline of the work, i wasted my time working because the work i finished wouldnt matter anymore when im dead. if i died with some unfinished work, i think its better because i think its a time well spent relaxing or spent enjoying the remaining moments of one's life (of course, like most things in life, one needs to strike a balance, the never ending "juggling act")

going back, im really starting to be very mindful of having a healthier lifestyle. i dont smoke (well, my last stick was earlier this year and it didnt bring back the habit. so up until today, i only smoked not more than 5 cigarette sticks this year), i substantially reduced my alcohol intake (in every instance of drinking session, i only consume not more than 3 bottles of beer. its sad but lately i developed a strong dislike for beer. it started last year), im currently cutting down my pork consumption, less carbonated drinks, more water, less fast food (im the type who eats fast food on a daily basis. right now, i would consider it a success to have eaten only three quarter pounders and twister fries last month), starting to eat veggies from time to time (i really dont like fish and veggies) and i dont sleep for more than 8 hours. im aiming for an average of seven hours of sleep which i partially accomplished. earlier last month, i was able to establish a nice sleeping pattern. i go to sleep by 12 midnight, wakeup around 7-730. unfortunately, i broke that pattern and started sleeping around 3:30 to 4:30 and i wake up at 8am. so now, my scalp and my left chin are filled with pimples and i cant stop falling asleep in the office by 10am. and im also consuming less coffee and more green tea. not sure if milk tea is good but i crave for it from time to time.

i really find living a healthier lifestyle boring and annoying. but for some strange reason, im strongly persuading myself to do it. this is usually a new year's resolution but i keep telling myself not to wait. a new year is a man-made fiction so there's really no point waiting for two more months. so this month, im aiming to focus on the healthy foods im going to take (because last month was more on avoiding the bad stuff) and the possibility of increased physical activity (something i really want to do but too lazy to do it because its really a lot of effort). but even with no physical activity, im amazed that i managed to stay agile and flexible, meaning my coordination is still very good and my stiffness is more apparent than real. an officemate said that i walk briskly, with a straight posture, like a PMA cadet (which made me think whether i should revert to my old flat top haircut. the white side wall is too much).

i dont know why i have this...urge (well, not really urge but something close to it) to live a healthier lifestyle. i dont like it but like some things i do, i do it because i feel compelled to do it.

rainy first day of november

its november already. i wonder how this month will turn out? october was quite nice. it was a "love" filled month. im not sure if it was the months of isolation and reviewing but october, or last month, was a month where people gave me a lot of "love". people just made me felt they were there and that they care, even if im always neither here nor there (just wanted to add another phrase that rhymes) for them. i guess what made me notice it more was the fact that i wasnt expecting any kind of such form of affection from others. my interaction with family and friends last month made me felt appreciated. or something to that effect. its not something i yearn because i usually prefer recognition than appreciation but its nice. its nice to be thought of as a good friend. 

ever since i became the silent type, i never saw myself as a "good" friend. even my high school friend and law school friend tell me this. they say i never care about anybody or anyone (another law school friend would counter that i just pretend not to care. my actions speak otherwise). i just mind my own business, not meddle with other people's affairs and do my own thing. i just attended a high school mini-reunion the other day and my friend said he's very sure that out of all the people in that gathering, im the one who is most clueless who the crap most of the people in that room are. he was right. i can recognize only 1/3 of my high school batchmates and out of that 1/3, i cant even remember the names of the others. he said its because i dont care about other people. i have a to "hell with everybody else" attitude. well, to a certain extent, that is true. if im not interested, i wont exert any effort to be interested. its a waste of energy. then why the hell did i attend the reunion? well, i was interested to attend (and its a saturday night. there are times when i hate to be at home on a saturday night). unfortunately, that doesnt mean im curious about what everybody was doing. in a way, i might be interested but i just dont want to exert that much effort. i think i was more curious than interested.

im also like that as a friend. people say im this nice person but i doubt anyone has ever described as that person who's always there in times of need of others. well, i have the reputation of being reliable. and i think a cousin and a few friends have described me as such person (i just realized how inaccurate my first statement was. as usual, i just think as i write). i guess im just good at being there at the right moments. its not that i go out of my way to help others. nor am i mindful of being there for others. ive always seen myself as that friend you shouldnt put your entire trust on. but some would counter that's just my weird way of caring for others. point is, i just dont see myself as a good friend. but now that i think about it (just now), maybe i am. maybe im stuck in my old view of myself, when i was this person that can quickly abandon people simply because i can. there are billions of people on this planet, and since i was a kid, ive always had this belief that i can be friends with anyone i want. so no friend is indispensable. of course i learned the hard way that its not entirely true but because of pride, i would rather let things be than make things right. a lot of things from my past haunt me.  

in an unrelated note, my habit of having a middle man to communicate with others resurfaced. i dont know where i picked up this habit. its sort of automatic for me to speak only with people i want to talk to or im used to talking to. just yesterday, a salesman tried to talk to me about their shoes and i didnt even look at him. i merely gestured that he talk to my brother. well, if it was a saleslady, that wouldnt have been the case. even if its my brother who would buy the shoes, im the one who's going to do the talking. and i also prefer if the salespeople not approach me when im buying something. i would like them to wait to be called. it disrupts my train of thought when im checking stuff out.

well, october was a nice month. i wouldnt want november to be the same. it will either bore me or i might abuse the "blessings" im getting. more likely the former.