i miss seeing 5am with a smile on my face

right now, im just waiting for the clock to strike 12. im too tired to read or study anything and ive watched all the vids i can watch for today (i try to estimate the vids whether i will finish watching it before 12). im really trying to get an average of 7 hours of sleep each day (but i usually end up with 8 hours). ive been observing my hours of sleep for months and i noticed that if i sleep after 1am, i get pimples (and i get them in a particular area of my face and all over my scalp). if i sleep beyond 8 hours, the skin between my eyes, up to some portion of the skin beneath my eyebrows, gets oily and dry so it ends up looking like i have dandruff on my eyebrows and between my eyes (some say its caused by stress but i noticed that it was really related to the number of sleeping hours).

i really should avoid sleeping beyond 1am because even if i get enough sleep, im bound to get pimples. if i sleep early, i should wake up early and not go beyond 8 hours. thats why im waiting for 12 midnight because i dont like waking up early (so if i sleep by midnight, ideally, i should wake up by 7am, not later than 8am but not earlier than 6am. so i wont oversleep or have too less of it). well, its not that i dont like waking up early but its really more of i dont have reason to wake up. every morning, i just wake up because i dont want to be late for work. before that, its because i dont want to be late for school. i dont wake up because im looking forward to something. or im happy to have another day. well, for a certain time in 2009, i was happy to wake up every morning because i had a reason to wake up (or i was happy to wake up because i have another day to spend and i was looking forward to spend it). so i know how it feels to wake up with a sense of purpose or sense of eagerness to live another day or have the answer to the question posed by the Nescafe classic commercial. waking up this way really makes a lot of difference. unfortunately, waking up in this manner is something that's against my norm. if only i could sleep a lot i would so i wouldnt have to wake up. i love to sleep because i like it more than the moments im awake but i cant spend much time sleeping now. at this age, i cant oversleep anymore. i have to accept the fact that sleeping more than what my body needs is time wasted or time that could be used productively.