not bad

ive been looking for a fan made video (since it doesnt have an official music vid) for the winter/xmas song Diamond and so far, this one's the best ive seen. the first time ive heard it, i just thought its nice. it sounds like a xmas song. but then again, like most xmas songs, they get stuck in one's head. so ive been hearing this song in my brain for days and i just had to have a vid to come along with it.

roundabout way of getting to the point

im starting to think straight again.and i think the reason my mind was messed up these past few days is because im sick. with a weak physical state, with less mental restraints, my mind can easily turn into a loose cannon. at least im feeling better now and i think i can start jogging/exercising again by tomorrow even if i still have a runny nose.

i really need to boost my immune system. age is really making itself noticed. last night something happened that made me remember a college friend's comment. she said that among our blockmates, im the one who will get married first. she was wrong, obviously, but the pertinent comment she said, in addition to what i just stated, is that i remind her of Elijah Price, the character from Unbreakable who has the rare disease in which bones break easily. not that my blockmate really thought i had weak bones but its really because i dont want to be touched and the slightest touch could...break me? well, its been years since i read the message but i think this is what she said...in effect.

anyway, the reason i remembered the comment is because last night, while i was sleeping, as i shifted my position, it felt like my spine cracked. i didnt hear anything but i felt the sharp pain. lately, ive been feeling a creeping pain along my spine when i bend. i think i might have a pinched nerve. i might also have a pinched nerve in my right foot, if there's such a thing. i feel a somewhat similar sensation when i bend my right foot in a certain way. then there's my weak knees. i wonder whats up with my bones, joints and spine? i blame growing old for all of this.

the plot thickens...and im being arrogant

the battle between the executive and the judiciary heats up. its not simply the president against the chief justice and vice versa. they're bringing their respective institutions with them. its happening faster than i thought. i wonder how many people saw this coming when they went out to vote last 2010. i thought by voting for aquino, there will certainly be another impeachment trial but i didnt really expect it to be this soon and it was going to be the CJ (but then again, he was a likely target right from the beginning).

ive read the impeachment complaint and i will have to say, im behind the CJ on this one. if the senate rules against the CJ, then its because of political reasons or to satisfy the mob (which is a political reason). the allegations are simply allegations and they are difficult to prove. the complaint is filled with inferences and speculation. the complaint is a product of a maliciously fertile mind. it would be something impressive as a political science/college level paper (you could really feel the indignation). but for any unbiased lawyer (forget that the CJ was appointed by the previous president), the way i see it, he did nothing that would amount to an impeachable offense.

the trend under the aquino administration is trial by publicity. makes me wish that most citizens can have the privilege of being educated in top schools so they would know how to analyze issues involving social, economic and political matters. why make such education exclusive anyway? why do we deprive most citizens basic law stuff? its not like everyone is created equal. even if everyone is given access to quality education means everyone will only have the same level of knowledge (hopefully) but not the same level of comprehension and understanding. at least provide enough knowledge that would enable people to have critical thinking. but then again, if most people were capable of critical thinking, the current president wont be president. things would be plain and boring.


now, im not saying my position is right. wait, that is what im trying to say. but not because i think my position is right doesnt mean it is right. its possible that those who have the opposing view is right. it just so happens theyre not really advocating it very well. when i was in court last tuesday, the lawyers against the impeachment said this move by the legislature is not only an attack on the members of the bench but likewise to members of the bar and its politically motivated, filled with animosity. the lawyer who said he is in favor of the impeachment wants the CJ to be impeached because he lost his case when it reached the supreme court. another lawyer who favors impeachment wants it because the court staff are inefficient and its causing inconvenience for lawyers for it leads to wasted time. 

i think its some kind of withdrawal symptom

my mind's messed up for the last three days. im not thinking straight. it cant be possibly due to the cold i currently have. its been a week since i last jogged so im thinking might be some withdrawal symptom but i havent really done it for so long for me to become dependent on it. another possibility is that the "loosening up" process is starting to get to me (which is too soon based on my calculations)

my brain is really fucked up right now. just a while ago i thought for a split second i saw a big black rat in our kitchen but a split second later, i saw its just our frying pan placed upside down. my brain forgot to send the realization to my arms so out of my entire body, only my two arms jerked in surprise. my face didnt even register a reaction because my brain was able to send the realization just in time before it makes one. crap. im having hallucinations. i usually have this when im tired as fuck (like the time when i thought a garbage bag on the street was a sleeping dog. thats not too farfetched. or the time i initially thought the fire hydrant was some kid. again, its likely to happen when one is extremely exhausted).

right now, im not that tired. well, physically i am because i had an argument with myself earlier and i ended up craving for mexican food (i was wondering where to eat after i leave the office and after minutes of debating, i gave in to mexican food just to end the thought process). i wanted chimichangas because i saw shrek on cable yesterday (one of the characters had chimichangas. thats how easily influenced i am by random things) so i thought i better go to mexicali. since my brain is fucked up, i ended up in Taco Bell gateway (when taco bell trinoma is nearer). i ended up feeling i was carrying a large rock in my bag when i got home because of all the commuting and having a cold really makes me physically weak.

the incident a while ago reminded me of a statement made by a famous jesuit professor in my alma mater. one always thinks before he acts. or something to that effect. i said to my blockmate, thats nonsense. i ended up in cubao without thinking. i dont know why im there and i merely assumed how i got there. i was on autopilot. actually, when i realized then that i was in cubao, i just went home because i was really clueless why i went there in the first place. ive done a lot of stupid and random things. doing shitty stuff like the old times at this point in time would be the worst idea ever.

another battle with myself

ive been craving for a snickers bar since last week and i keep telling myself no. im trying to discipline myself to exercise some restraint on food expenses. pissed, i told myself "whats the point of being a lawyer when i cant even buy a goddamn snickers bar!!!" wow, my argument is flawless. i then reminded myself that more than a year ago, i cant even afford to buy a nice meal. i was on a very tight budget that to buy a snickers bar then would affect a week's budget. so i countered with "thats last year. were dealing with this year and i want a snickers bar". im dealing with a spoiled brat. and to think i wasnt even spoiled when i was a kid.

anyway, i gave in to my demand. i bought a snickers bar so i would stop whining and shut up. i have a pleading to finish. besides, im not thinking straight this recent weekend so i thought it might not be a good idea to deprive myself of something this simple. now that im in the process of loosening up, im at my most unpredictable. i have to be more careful with less restraints, thus im always on the look out for my persona whom i tap when studying criminal cases. i havent met anyone who wasnt surprised to hear him utter statements that reflects his sense of malice.

brown monkey's white whine

last month, i was searching for maroon chucks. i searched for it for two weeks. i even asked the salespeople whether they have such a thing. they either replied "no" or "what's on display is what we have". so i settled for the blue chucks thats almost the same color as my black ones. then two weeks ago, i dropped by a Converse store in Ali Mall and they have one that is almost maroon but not quite (they said it just came out last month. really? i dropped by that store a month earlier and they told me they dont have such a thing. liar. well, its my first time seeing the saleperson there so he must be new).

the maroon like color was good enough for its certainly closer to maroon than the cinnabar one. but i just bought the blue one so i thought im going to save up to get it for christmas. then i dropped by again recently on the same store and they no longer have it. why does this shoe color have to be elusive? like the 39thirty black yankees cap with a white logo that ive been looking for for months. i keep seeing people wearing it but i have no idea where they bought it. the ones i see in malls are the 59fifty ones. im tempted to order it online but the MLB website isnt offering the one im looking for either. im even already open to buying a fake one but i cant even find a fake version of what i want.

now that i can afford stuff like these, ive become more picky. back then, i dont care about what i wear as long as it doesnt have a brand name. now, i have brand preferences (but ive always been the type who has brand preferences and loyalty but back then it was primarily on food). at least i dont go for the really expensive brands (although if i had more money, i probably would). not that im brand conscious but the quality is better. and what i have is more of brand loyalty. i remember when i first owned a pair of adidas shoes and my feet felt the difference and thats why i dont want to change brands.

i think the people around me know that im a difficult person to please when it comes to buying me stuff. i mean, im even having difficulties buying stuff for myself. i really have to convince myself sometimes to settle for something else or completely not get anything. usually, i opt for the latter. settling for an alternative usually ends in disappointment.

home on a saturday night

and my siblings showed me this trending video on youtube. aside from the words "electric bill" and "fire hazard" comes to mind, i really find this impressive. and to think i was impressed with Ted's christmas lights on the recent episode of HIMYM (even if i was really annoyed with Ted's persistence to cheer Robin up).

Do you want to know why I use a knife? - the joker

i no longer carry my dagger with me (the one i used to use as a replacement for the swiss army knife i lost in a place i vowed never to return again). im not referring to my cellphone. im referring to the one that was found in my possession last year by Supreme Court personnel and i was absolutely clueless that it was illegal to have such a thing in my person. that explains the surprised and puzzled look from the security guards because i even told them that i will just leave it with them at their counter since i obviously cant take it with me when i enter the supreme court and i will just get it when im about to leave (the guards quizically looked at each other as if telepathically asking each other "what should we do? is he serious or just stupid to make such a request?"). i dont take it with me anymore now that im aware its illegal to carry it with me, like an unlicensed firearm.

how the hell should i know its illegal? i bought it from some street peddler. but then again, my fellow lawyer told me that pirated DVDs are sold as if they were legitimate items but that doesnt change its illegal nature. he ordered me never to bring such an item anywhere (well, during the time i was clueless its illegal, i was always carrying it with me like when i go to courts, when i went to the Senate, the House of Representatives and other government agencies. it was unintentional since i forgot it was in my bag. ive been carrying it since when i was in law school)

i remember a blockmate asked me whats a nice gift to give to a guy. she was wondering then what to give to her boyfriend for christmas. i answered quickly without hesitation --- a knife. she just gave me a puzzled look that likewise says im crazy. she even asked "a knife?" in a tone that also says "wtf? seriously?".  i dont know. i just have a thing for knives and blades i guess. if i had a lots of money to spare, i would probably be a knife collector.

loling pei pah

every year my alma mater sends me birthday greetings. got one this year and i was at home to receive it. i think i got it about a week ago and its only now that i thought of reading it (as in right now while writing this). i havent been reading the ones sent to me in the recent years (but i still have it. somewhere lost in my room. i dont even know where i placed the message paper given to me by law school friends during the bar exams. i dont know what its called but koreans seem to call it as "rolling paper" where people write "intimate" messages for a particular person on a piece of paper. anyway, i know where my "rolling paper" is in my room. i just dont know where it is exactly. i know its somewhere in my stack of review materials). i appreciate the time and money spent by my university on these birthday letters but its not something im really eager to receive and read. i remember receiving birthday cards from cousins and friends when i was in high school and college.

last year during the bar review, i had the itch to rummage through old stuff that has sentimental value (and i was looking for my dog tags. come to think of it, i forgot where i placed it after i found it last year. damn it!). it was 2am of July 2010 and i chanced upon one of the birthday cards given to me during college. so far its the biggest birthday card i received and i remember when i received it, some of the letters were falling off (makes me wonder if its really our block's cardmaker who did this since its a bit uncharacteristic of her to do such a thing. unless the resources were really scarce). the booklet beside the card is some kind of planner given to our batch during our senior year and the CD, if im not mistaken, contains a video of our cheap graduation.

i think i injured my left knee.

why the hell did i decide to sprint last saturday? sometimes i really have the urge to run. when im in the mood while walking, i walk faster. while walking faster, i get the urge to jog. while jogging, i get the urge to run. when i run, i get the urge to run faster (the same way when im intoxicated and im on a clear highway). and since i have a very low stamina, i just run fast for more or less a minute.

last saturday, i just felt like running even for a short while. during my short run, i thought my knee was just being a pain in the ass. the day after, i thought its just some sore muscle. it even improved yesterday. there was still some slight discomfort but i felt it subsiding. so i went for a jog again yesterday. i havent even completely started i can imagine my left knee saying "dont you do it motherfucker". i started to jog anyway and my knee sent me signals its in pain. it was tolerable so i ignored it (i have this mentality of pushing my body parts to the limit. if it cant handle the pressure, its not good enough for me and im disappointed to have such a body part). after some time, i guess i got used to the pain so i didnt feel much pain or discomfort. i thought, at least its not making a popping or clicking sound so it must just be some sore muscle (my left knee sometimes clicks when i walk. it just happened in some random day). 

now the day after, theres some slight swelling just below the knee cap. i can still walk and i can still bend my leg but there's a slight discomfort and a sharp pain when i twist my leg in a certain way. crap. left knee was serious. sorry for not listening to you left knee but you have to admit, right knee is fine and you have to keep up with it. left knee might be saying "fuck you man! me and right knee are a pair. dont you fucking test me again or im going to break you". im tempted to just walk later but i think it would be better to skip a few days and allow my knee to rest (and figure out whether its really an injury or not).

i guess my role has always been to defy

the president is attacking the Supreme Court again and i cant stop myself from reading the comments of idiots in online news websites. i have yet to read a sensible comment who actually sees the big picture or sees life in shades of gray. it seems the people who makes comments on online articles are those who view things in black and white. sometimes i just want to write "think out of the box you idiots. the issue isnt as simple as good vs. bad".

seeing the comments of opinionated idiots make my head spin (sometimes a headache). i dont think im better than them but their comments certainly make me feel that way. not because one can write in english with perfect grammar does not mean one's argument is already good or even valid. not because one is advocating for the common good means that anyone who begs to differ is already an advocate of something evil (again, life is filled with shades of gray). i think these are the people who shoot from the hip and always misses the target. i think these people are no different from the close minded followers of the philippine catholic church. well, at least they have their opinions and have the balls to share it (which is a good thing. but its really frustrating to read their opinions)

i hope lawyers speak up to clarify the legal issue to the public because the Supreme Court cant do it by itself. but then again, after reading the comments, i wonder if after explaining to them the legal aspect they would actually be enlightened of the actions of the Supreme Court. kind of reminds me of the comment of a blogger who said that there's no point trying to talk to these kind of people (he was referring to the immature people who post comments in youtube). all we can do is wait for them to grow up, if that will ever happen. maybe people should just listen to Sen. Santiago. she seems to be always in the right track and she can educate people regarding legal issues in a humorous manner. she may be crazy but its undeniable that she knows the law very well.

anyway, this is what ive been expecting under the aquino presidency. for the people to be vocal of their support for the administration (enough with the silent majority) and that the six years become a learning process for everyone, not only for the incompetent executive who as ive expected, easy to manipulate. but im frustrated that there's still a lot of aquino supporters who are slow in learning or too close minded.

its nice to see that there are some comments that reflect some discernment. they dont necessarily withdraw their support but they give their support with caution. they see the mistakes of the administration, acknowledge it and try to see ways to correct it. i hope their numbers increase and they become more active in providing their support. i hope they become a dominant force and overturn those who are currently in the administration due to self-interest or not even qualified for the job. these kind of supporters are the ones who are in the position to educate and enforce discipline in their ranks. these are the kind of citizens this country needs.

Now that's what I call high quality H2O - bobby boucher

ever since i saw my piss in a bottle last month due to the drug testing required for license renewal, ive been obsessed with hydrating. ive got the darkest piss in the counter and it wasnt just a shade darker. my piss was shades apart from the next darkest piss. so i thought, "crap. im suffering from dehydration. if not, im getting there".

i dont know why i became concerned. im the guy who survived college with one glass of water a day. well, not really one but one glass during the day and probably another during dinner (yes, probably since there are times i dont even drink before, during or after dinner). so an average of one glass of water per day. since i dont move a lot, i really dont get thirsty often. there was even a time during the summer of junior year that i didnt drink anything but coca-cola for month. one coke in can for one month, nothing else. i ended up with a urinary tract infection.

i managed to survive with so little water because i was a creepy thin guy who doesnt need much of it. i rarely move too. with the weight increase, obviously, i will need more water but since i didnt adjust my water intake despite the weight gain, i was heading towards dehydration without knowing it. i think my water intake has been insufficient since last year and i was absolutely clueless. my "triangle of death" has been showing signs that i might be dehydrated but i just thought i just need a new razor. it was only last month that i finally figured out that the solution to my problem was pure and simple. more water.

now, im obsessed with hydrating myself. problem is, i have a goddamn OAB. i had it checked months ago and the doc said it was probably caused by stress. its kind of something permanent and all ive gots to do is train myself. or train my brain not to piss a lot

black pearl kkabyul

no solicitar por favor

maybe i should make a shirt saying "do not solicit this person". or "no soliciting allowed"

more than a month ago, while having lunch with a friend, some stranger handed us envelopes soliciting for some small change to help support their choir. i initially wanted to ignore it, saying to my friend that im a frequent victim of solicitations but my friend wanted to give some small amount. so i pitched in telling the person who gave the envelope that im going to check if they really are a legit choir.

for some reason, people who solicit aid for some small church or musical group or just about any cause or reason always try to go to me. there's a lot of them in trinoma and i thought maybe they choose me because im often alone. but last month, in the cemetery, while i was with my relatives, i was the one who was approached first by this kind of solicitors. my cousin joked that i looked like i have some money to spare. seriously? im currently struggling where to find funds for my medical expenses (i dont know what i did wrong last monday but come monday night, i was feeling the pain again. i thought my condition was improving and i was hoping i wouldnt need to undergo two expensive medical procedures. i wont let my 13th month pay go to some shitty medical expenses). i dont even have any money for medical concerns of my family.

but then again, with the kind of lifestyle i have, maybe people do get the impression i have money to spare. back in law school, my friend asked how much my allowance was. after i answered, he said i must have saved a lot. i replied, well, not really. i spend a lot on food. whatever small amount i saved, i use for stuff i like. im not good with money unless necessity arises (like the bar exams. i successfully managed my expenses to make my savings last for months until the end of the bar exams). the only money i have that i dont touch is my emergency savings. any money not part of that can be spent (and wasted) on anything. until now, food takes a big chunk out of my salary.

ok, maybe im not addressing the solicitation thing properly. i mean, all they're asking is small change. surely their needs are much more serious compared to mine since the reason they are soliciting is because they arent well off or capable of earning enough. well, i see that but the question that always comes to mind is, "are they legit?" are they seriously soliciting on behalf of some church, choir or did they really lose their homes to a fire, calamity, etc? like i said to my friend, local government units or agencies can address those concerns. some NGO could provide assistance. surely there's someone or something that exists meant to address their financial concerns or problems (they can go to their congressperson or some generous senator). the only soliciting entity i recognize are the ones posted by the Philippine Red Cross at the MRT counters. i always give my change to those people because they're legit (they have to be). any other random stranger that solicits aid should provide some proof other than some envelope or letter. i dont want my small change going to some fraudulent cause.

gots to be nimble, gots to be quick

got me self a bloody shoe! not that ive bought a new pair already but i literally have blood on my shoe. the skin on my achilles tendon area kept scraping the back of my shoe and i didnt even feel it. and its the part (well, the ankle area) that im trying to strengthen because im the type of person who twists a lot due to sudden change of directions so my legs and feet need to keep up with my sudden change of mind. so far, the two weeks of familiarizing my body with my new weight has restored my nimbleness (or at least im satisfied with it since i havent fully restored my being lightfooted. thats how strong my ankles and feet were. it could support my entire body easily). currently, my ankles seem to be not having any troubles keeping up. i think the only part thats still needs to get used to my new weight are my knees. my knees have always been weak so i know it will take time.


i dont know why its a big deal for me to remain agile and quick. it really bothered me weeks ago. i dont even move a lot. its just knowing for sure that im agile and quick gives me some peace of mind even if i dont really make use of it on a daily basis or even foresee having the need for it.

i wonder if i can flush laziness out of my system

i think i might need to buy a new pair of running shoes. i only have one pair and its currently wet and soggy.

i jogged in the rain a while ago. i was just itching to do it since i wasnt able to jog yesterday. so after deliberating for half an hour whether to go jogging/walking since dark clouds clearly signify it will rain, i put on my running shoes and headed out. ten minutes later, the drops came. another 10 minutes, it started to rain. i havent even started yet and it was pouring really hard already. but that didnt stop me. since i was expecting that i would get caught in the rain, i already wrapped my cellphone and mp3 player in a plastic bag. after making sure both are secure in my pockets, i started to jog under the rain.

i think my innate sense of athleticism is starting to take back the years ive kept it locked up. up until early highschool, i was an active kid. i always played a lot outdoors, under the intense heat of the sun which i think is the reason why my exposed limbs are dark. i wasnt good in sports but i played basketball, soccer (i even had a pair of soccer shoes), table tennis and badminton. i think i started to take the path to laziness when i started skipping PE classes just to spend more time with my pretty science teacher who always smells so nice (really nice. i havent met any girl who smells better than her). my science class comes prior to my PE class during freshman year in high school (which is an all boys school) and i always tell my science teacher that im going to stay behind for a bit to help her with the laboratory equipments (i remember taking deep breaths whenever she's close to me to savor her sexy scent). since i sort of skipped PE classes during my freshman year, i was no longer as physically active come sophomore year (also, this was the year i started to change my personality). by junior and senior year, all i do during PE class was sleep. since then, i just started to have an aversion to physical activity.

anyway, if i manage to keep this up (or my body keeps having the itch to move), i guess the days of my lazy physical self could be numbered.

some crazy talk coming atcha

normally, i would post this kind of post in another blog but this one makes some sense (to me anyway) so i think its better to be categorized here (so im doing my future self a favor by making this post easier to find) instead on the blog where i post irrational crazy stuff.

lately ive noticed that i have ceased to amaze people. well, i still amaze people who still dont know me or still in the process of getting to know me but for those who have known me for quite some time now, i feel ive gone stale. this is no surprise of course. as early as sophomore year in college, ive noticed that my ability to make people laugh grows weak over time the more friends get to know me better. those who have known me for half a decade dont laugh as hard as the first time i showed my sense of humor to them.  this isnt limited to my sense of humor of course but this is what made me realize that familiarity makes me lose my flavor. and losing my flavor makes me bored with myself because i see people as mirrors, including myself. if im not getting anything from a person, i wont have anything to reflect back. that is why one friend noticed that i only show "signs of life" when im with our bubbly blockmate (in a block composed of 30 plus peeps, only one girl can really "wake" me up). well, thats why i also said to another friend that it only takes a few minutes to see if a girl is someone worth spending time with. ive went out with a few women and there are those whom i can establish good chemistry with in minutes and these are the ones who are usually worth dating. the others were just waste of time. and money of course. ive realized, that with my current personality of viewing people as mirrors, im really dependent on other people in generating reactions or creating interest.

anyway, because of such realization, three years ago i thought that by the time i hit 28, im going to reinvent myself. not only because i have ceased to amaze friends and old acquaintances but i really need a different state of mind to achieve what i have in mind (or what i have planned four years ago). but then again, i really dont want to change myself in a manner i will lose my essence (i like the way i am but at the same time, im not quite satisfied). so i thought the only way to do it is to revive my former self (a very likeable self but equally annoying and certainly tiring). the one i refer to as my personality from childhood up to my early 1997 self (i changed to my exact opposite sometime in 1997). in order to do that, i need to remove my "mental defenses" or simply loosen up (because ever since 1998, ive decided to play roles or go into characters which people dont want to play or one that is available. by 1999 i came up with the idea of "compartmentalizing" personas and emotions). in order to loosen up, its like removing eight nails from a tightly closed casket. i mean, i have seven distinct personalities and i dont think its a good idea to come up with another one. seven is more than a handful to deal with already. so instead of creating a new one, its time to merge them (besides its been years since ive used some of the personas). this reminds me of a YM conversation with a college friend. i think this was our only YM conversation. if not, this one is the most memorable. she told me that there will come a time when all my personalities will merge into one. my reaction then that its unlikely to occur (i dont know why we were even having it as a topic. we rarely talked but we talked about a really tricky subject. hmm. im too lazy to find the transcript of the conversation to enlighten me why we were talking about it). well, now im the one who will intentionally do it. whether its about time or not, whether i can actually merge all seven and create the eighth personality which is simply a revival of my old self because the seven are just divisions of my old self (just like the way Father in Full Metal Alchemist purged out the seven deadly sins to become a perfect being which turned him into a bored and emotionless being. now that i think about it, my state of mind when i was a high school student is exactly similar to Father's state of mind. wow, i sort of actually achieved what Father did, only ever since 2004, ive started to drift away from that state of mind, yet more than half a decade later, it still remains a dominant state of mind), i dont have a definite answer. but i do have a plan and i initiated it weeks ago. now, all i have to do is stick to that plan and find out by next year if the plan is working or feasible at the very least. and this post will serve as my reminder of my decision (just in case my future self becomes overwhelmed of the process of unlocking stuff in my mind and forget the whole point of the objective. sometimes i wonder how unaware people are of the contents of their minds) or could help me see how far i can manage before i decide to stop with the plan.

again, please show me some evidence

not sure if its the lack of sleep but i cant stop myself from reacting

ive been confronted again with the rumor that i have a girlfriend (but i will have to say that nothing beats the rumor that i have a lawyer girlfriend when i was still a law student). i dont know where people keep getting this idea (i even had to check my facebook if there's anything that would indicate such a thing. i found nothing). if this was asked earlier this year, i would have denied it but it would have been plausible for people to think of such a thing because i went out with someone last May (well, technically its not me but one of my personas). if it were asked March last year, then it could have been equally acceptable to be asked because i was dating someone then for a couple of months (again not me. in effect, strictly speaking, i have never dated anyone after 2007). if i were asked a year earlier, it would have been likewise reasonable to have been asked since i really had someone in mind but unfortunately it didnt work out because i miserably failed (im not a believer of moving heaven and earth to win someone's heart. if i really dont like someone, she can do the impossible and i still wont give a fuck what she thinks of me. there's a big difference between possibly liking someone and not liking someone from the very beginning). but to be asked about it now when i havent went out with anyone for months? so now im wondering what have i been up to this latter half of the year? im really starting to entertain the fact that either someone is intentionally claiming or spreading this kind of rumor to annoy me or one of my personalities managed to take over without me knowing it (if the latter one is true, im going to torture myself if this girl doesnt meet my standards). thats why when asked if i have a girlfriend, i respond "well, show me who she is because i keep hearing about her but i have no idea who the hell she is".

maybe i got pissed by the question because my sleep was interrupted. to wake up to an absurd question is annoying. how dare you ask such a question thats not worth a single brain cell!

live performance on MAMA 2011

after seeing SNSD and 2ne1's performance in the recent award show held in Singapore, i would have to say that 2NE1 did a better job. 2ne1's performance is more solid and has a stronger impact compared to snsd's (the three minute intro made me think of wrestling intro meets cheerleading). im not disappointed since snsd's got a hectic and tight schedule and it wont be any good to put more pressure on them (because if i were an unreasonably insensitive boss, which i do have a tendency to become, i might say "kids, its ok to have fun but i cant let this incident slide. its sloppy based from my standards. clearly not good enough because its not perfect", not taking into consideration that the group has been working their asses off this year with an insane number of concerts, hopping from one country to another (or one continent to another), tv appearances and regular tv programs. but then again, if i only think of the money the group generates, then as long as i profit, as long as they sell to the millions of fans, they can do whatever they want). but i have to admit 2NE1 really made a better live performance.

ive got a package. a pink package.

i was in a bit of a bad mood earlier but all that changed around 7pm.

i was planning on going for a jog/walk (it would have been my sixth day since i started last week) because the weather was really nice. it just rained and the wind was still cold. but i decided not to jog because i barely slept last night. i slept around 3am and i had a scheduled hearing at 8:30. so the fact that i didnt go jogging/walking made me a bit disappointed because i was really in the mood but i was feeling lightheaded due to lack of sleep. i thought maybe i could just take a long walk, go get me self an Elvis Sandwich and then walk back home but my bed managed to convince me to just sleep the bad mood off. i was also expecting a package i ordered from Hong Kong since yesterday and i thought it would be delayed by another day. so i said "sleep it is"


my sleep was interrupted when my cousin called, asking for help. i checked the clock and it was around 7pm. i thought, i guess no package today. when i was just about to go to my cousin's place, someone from downstairs shouted there's a delivery guy with a box. crap. its mine! my father was the one who received it but i quickly followed to check if it really was the DVD set i ordered. true enough, it was for me. it took five days for me to receive the online order. i ordered it last november 26, as a gift for myself. it was shipped on the 28th. in transit to destination on the 29th. arrived in Manila on the 30th. out for delivery on the same day but was delayed so i received it today, the 1st of December. the website said it would take 6-14 days to deliver the order but since i was tracking the order on the delivery service website (but the delivery guy was from DHL), i thought it would take less time since it already arrived in the Philippines yesterday. im just glad to receive it sooner than the expected shipping and delivery time. i thought i would be getting it around the 5th of december.


anyway, when i opened the contents of the package, i didnt know the DVD set (6 DVDs) would be in a baby pink square case large enough to put in a 12 inch vinyl LP record. well, its not surprising for it to be in pink but i didnt expect it to be as large as a coffee table book (or as heavy). the material of the case is similar to a hard bound book cover with a non-glossy finish. the contents are ok. the case itself is slightly damaged but i was expecting it because of the reviews. i think im taking this being a fan thing to another level.

now im on a search for the elusive black new york yankees cap. i checked the MLB website and its not offering the one im looking for. or maybe try to find out if anyone's selling the Eheads reunion concert DVDs (i really regret not buying it when it was still available)

nice parody

although ive seen this vid months ago, i didnt know there was a version of this parody that was this long. this japanese gag show's attention to detail is amazing. makes local gag shows' parodies look cheap. i can imagine that current fans of snsd who will someday end up in retirement homes might do this in annual parties or events to reminisce the days when they were fans.

people should know that there's always room for forgiveness in the administration of justice

snsd won another award and they're receiving a lot of hate from another fandom. barely more than a year since i got hooked to this kpop group, im now becoming more aware with the kind of hate they've been receiving since 2007. being on top really is stressful. i never imagined how hateful people can get simply because their kpop group lost to snsd. its as if snsd did something unforgivable by winning an award.

anyway, i deal with hateful people frequently. and they are very stressful indeed.

clients really take the adversarial nature of litigation seriously. unlike lawyers who can throw insults at each other without getting personal, clients seem to take offense at every single thing delivered by the opposing party. they tend to focus on the negative and likewise twist their perception of something positive to turn it into something negative. its like they try to find something wrong with the opposing party simply because its the opponent. im not the type who joins my clients in bad mouthing the opposing party or making the opposing counsel look like the bad guy (although i know its possible that the opposing party's lawyer might be doing that to me when they talk with their clients). i try to stay neutral as possible. but whenever my clients start to go overboard with their hate and accusations, i end up defending the opposing party, pointing out that they are merely asserting their rights and interest. im there to be my clients' advocate but i dont think unduly putting the opposing party in a negative light simply because of hate is something necessary or even useful in asserting my clients' right or interest. sometimes i just want to ask my clients "what's with all the hate?". but then again, i know this will only open the floodgates to a lot more hate they have in store and i will end up like some guidance counselor.

as a teen, ive went through a phase where i embraced hate and allowed myself to immerse in it. i know how destructive hate can be. ive lost a good friend because of it (wait, not really. its because of pride). so i should be used to it by now.  but dealing with other people's hate that's close to the sphere of irrationality is really annoying and makes it difficult for me to not let hate get to me. its infectious and trying to keep hate out of my system is really stressful. my job is to deal with other people's beef with other people and try to settle it amicably but why the fuck do they have to make it so stressful. even if the opposing party is clearly wrong, the ton of hate my clients' are carrying will never help in settling things between them.

going back to snsd, i dont know how they deal with all the hate being hurled at them. so far, they know how to face it beautifully. they know how to deal with the punches. four years of dealing with it not only made them mature but also toughened them up and at the same time taught them how to confront it professionally. as for me, i dont think i can do what they do. they receive hate directed at them but even if they show their pain or are hurt with the hateful comments, they can still react calmly and appear to be not feeling any hate towards the people who threw that hate at them (im not saying they dont feel hate but to be able to appear to be free of hate is a difficult skill to acquire. being professional can be difficult at times especially when some people are completely irrational and unreasonable). like they have achieved some inner peace thats always stable (or im deceived because of their angelic appearance). whenever i deal with hateful clients, even if i can still respond calmly, its a struggle not to show that i have hate within me thats being provoked by the hate im receiving even if that hate is not directed at me. the peace within me is always disturbed.

the korean lyrics are better

the korean lyrics are definitely better but i think this self-centered version will be more marketable in the US compared to a direct translation of the korean lyrics. i really dont like the one minute intro. it was nice at first but after some time, it gets annoying, like hurry up with the music vid already. and i dont get the pigeon thingie. but in the end, i liked it overall and thats what matters. as long as it sells, its going to be ok.

ready, steady, run devil run

lately ive been complaining about my weight. i keep telling people im not used to being this heavy. not that im starting to feel self-conscious but im starting to feel the lack of familiarity with my body. i think my feet are complaining and keep sending my brain signals that its not used to carrying so much weight.

i also feel im slower. im used to being quick and agile. now i feel like a bull in a china shop. and my sagittarian sense of athleticism cant accept im starting to slow down. sure im a lazy ass but its because i can afford to be physically lazy. i check from time to time whether im still agile and physically strong enough even without exercise and up until a few months ago, i was satisfied with the results. my stamina and endurance were never my strong points but im proud of my speed and agility. when i realized that im not fast enough and agile enough, that started bothering me (now, i cant do my slick dance moves). i felt my body is no longer in sync with what i want it to accomplish or expect it to accomplish. my sense of coordination isnt as good since im no longer familiar with my current weight. before, i can quickly change directions, even in mid-stride, and not fall off balance or get myself injured (if only i played basketball, i would certainly be an ankle breaker). now, i dont even bother avoiding hitting things. i just bump against it knowing my body can take it. and thats not really what i like to be. i dont want to be some hulk like figure. but i also dont want to lose the weight ive gained since i find it interesting to be this heavy too (its like steve rogers amazement after he stepped out of the super soldier thingamajig only in my case, the body ive acquired still needs training). so i decided to exercise a bit to train myself and familiarize myself with this new body. i want to restore, or at least gain satisfactory speed, agility and flexibility. i really have a thing for speed i guess.

this isnt the sole reason why i started to jog. sure the realization has been bothering me for weeks but its not really what made me start jogging or start training myself to become more familiar with my current body. there are other factors of course but this one is one of the main reasons. unfortunately for my brain, which has been nagging me months ago, health isnt one of them reasons that made me decide to exercise. i aint doing this to be heathier, although its something that comes along with it. 

so far so good.

i just bought me self a new pair of earphones (Philips SHQ4000). ive been checking it for over a year (when my brother saw i finally i bought it, he said it took me a year to buy it). not that its that expensive but...well it is expensive. the most expensive pair ive bought. but compared to the earphones i really wanted, it would be considered cheap.

the reason i bought it is because its sweat proof, claims to be waterproof and convenient to use when exercising. i also like the design (except the color). i prefer the in-ear, neckband design over earbuds with clips. after using it for almost a week, its really comfortable and lightweight. i like the way it fits on my ears. after prolonged use, i hardly notice im wearing it. i tried putting it under running tap water once and it still worked but im still not that convinced its water proof.

the reason it took me a year to buy it is because i wasnt sure if i can use it as incentive or motivation to exercise. now that ive decided to jog frequently (this remains to be seen), i thought its about time to get them earphones. also the price already dropped (since its been available for quite some time now. i think Philips recently released its next batch of sports earphones, ones with volume control). the price drop wasnt much but its still enough to save a few hundred pesos.

as for the sound quality, well, its Philips. its not as good (or as loud) as my ordinary earphones but for exercising purposes, and noise-cancelling ability, the sound quality isnt bad.

a necessary evil device

got my alarm clock back! well, not that it was lost or anything but it just so happens to be sitting idly on top of a messy desk filled with dust for almost a decade without a battery. i dont know what took me so long to buy a new battery for it. it just needs a single double A battery but for some reason, i didnt buy it one. so it was just there, waiting patiently to be used again.

the thing i like with this alarm clock is that it can wake me up in seconds (unlike the cellphone alarm where there are times that i dont wake up at all because i fail to hear it). the weird thing about the cellphone alarm is that it can condition me to wake up seconds before it alarms. if i set it at 6am, i wake up for two to three consecutive days at 5:59am. so all i had to do is wait for the alarm to go off then hit the snooze or stop button, depending on my mood.

there's no snooze button in my high school alarm clock (yep, ive had it since high school and stopped using it during college simply because its battery ran out of juice. also, i really dont need an alarm clock during college) and i cant reset it as easily as a cellphone alarm since it cant be set accurately in minutes. if i can reset the cellphone alarm to sound off again in half an hour or fifteen minutes later, i can only reset the alarm clock one hour later. limited options makes the alarm clock somewhat better since i would be forced to just wake up because one hour later would be too late. but then again, given my dislike for waking up early in the morning, i just used my alarm clock as a supplement to my cellphone alarm (or the other way around). its the first one that will go off, followed by my cellphones minutes later. at least this time, the alarm clock guarantees to wake me up at a particular time.

its like part of my body

got my laptop back! well, got it more than two weeks ago. after four years of using it (my sister used it by bringing it to her office in 2007, i used it from time to time in 2008 and then used it daily since 2009 until the time it broke on  the third week of october of this year), its hinges broke due to wear and tear. actually one of its hinges already broke as early as 2009, while i was staying in a nice little studio apartment in the Taft Avenue area. so its been operating with one hinge since 2009 and it just broke down two years later.

im glad to be reunited with it. aside from the fact it contains a lot of files since 2009 (including my bar review materials and law office documents), it already became a part of my daily life. i remember when it broke down weeks ago, it disrupted my daily routine. it also affected my work since without it, i had to use the office computer and share it with our office secretary (our office only has one computer).

i was also forced to use the desktop PC at home. using it isnt bad since its got better specs and a larger flat screen. only problem is, the desktop PC's settings are not personalized, and i cant personalize it, to my preferences (since its like a public computer, primarily used by my sister). when i surf the net, i already have regular websites i go to in my laptop's browser and usually avoid going to new websites (my sister criticizes me that using the internet that way is boring. well, i would rather have a laptop that's virus free. i can try to find other ways of making life interesting by doing exciting things than risking going to a virus infected website).

im already used to this laptop that i dont even want to think of buying a replacement for it (although i started window shopping for a replacement when the repair shop told me that there are other problems aside from the hinges. they told me that after fixing the hinges, another problem arose. somehow the broken hinges affected other parts of the laptop, particularly the screen). not sure how long this laptop will last with its new hinges. so far its still working fine. but i think i need to start saving up for a replacement just in case it can no longer be revived the next time it breaks down.  

i thinks i forgots how to writes during the times my laptop was aways.

that cant be the answer to the question...even if its the same answer i got myself

source: http://fuckyeahhowimetyourmother.tumblr.com/

and why is facebook starting to look a lot like tumblr? why do people keep posting tumblr posts on facebook? i guess thats better than having the facebook people go to tumblr.

thank God for the rain!!!

despite the supposedly cold "-ber/brr months", i find the weather to be still too warm (except for the times when im not feeling well. in those cases, i can stay in my office room for an entire day with the AC turned off). i just took a nice cold shower, its raining, im in front of the fan and im still sweating like i just climbed a flight of stairs. at least im not panting.

the local weather bureau just said a few days ago that due to climate change, the warm season will be much warmer. crap. if were just starting with the cold season and im already feeling the heat, the summer season will be pure torture. things will be much worse in the next decade and im really not looking forward to it. kind of reminds me of Marshall Eriksen's environmentalist boss Garrison Cootes who initially gave up in saving the world and preparing himself for the inevitable doom. Cootes, and his employees, just try enjoy each remaining day they have on the planet for Cootes would rather do this instead of struggling to save the planet and probably wasting each day for what appears to be a lost cause. Marshall didnt agree with Cootes' way of dealing with the problem. Although its nice that their office tries to enjoy the simple pleasures of life, still, Cootes is being selfish for his way of dealing with the problem does not take into consideration the generations that will come after them. Marshall, who was expecting to have a child, told Cootes that he wont give up saving the planet, even if it means he will do it by himself, for the sake of his unborn son or daughter. This message managed to make Cootes change his philosophy and helped Marshall save the planet (and Marshall was shown doing a terrible job at saving the planet on his own, as an environmental lawyer).

when i was a kid, one of the things i wanted to be was to become some kind of environmentalist. i wanted to do my part in saving the planet. but as i grew up, i learned how inconvenient and how difficult it is. there are still a few things i do to contribute to the effort of not aggravating the environmental situation and one of them is to make sure i dont throw my trash anywhere. when im in the mall, i always look for the nearest rest room in case a trash bin isnt available because there's bound to be a trash bin inside the rest room. i try to save water too, like switching the shower off when i wont be using it even for just a few minutes. but my brother told me something that annoyingly makes sense. he said, we can save all the water we want but if a majority of the people still waste it, were just losing the water were saving to the irresponsible majority. not only did we not save water, irresponsible people get to use it. of course, even if it made sense, it doesnt mean i should stop trying.

as of now, i try to remind myself to do my part in saving the planet as an individual. im hoping that someday i would be taking part in a collective effort, and do something more concrete than what im doing. hopefully, when im ready, its not too late to do anything.

i rarely leave the neutral zone

i think im the type of lawyer that clients find depressing. i only smile when i greet them and its not even a good smile since its not in my nature to smile.

when i review the client's case, i always try to look at the worst case scenario, thus optimism can only be seen outside my window on sunny days. when i tell them my opinion, i tell it as objectively as possible and make sure i dont give them the impression that would get their hopes up since some clients have the tendency to misunderstand or force what they want to believe i said. when the case has a good chance of winning, i tell it with a blank face with a cautious tone because some clients interpret a good chance of winning as 100% victory. if the case is something difficult to litigate, i tell them straight away. if there's no possibility of winning, i do the same thing and ask them to seek a second opinion and hope that the other lawyer would find something i didnt see. my facial expression always gives the impression of 50-50 with my tone of voice leaning on the negative half.

during hearings, i try not to talk to the client. i prefer observing the other scheduled hearings. after the hearing, i try to answer whatever questions the clients have, like clarifications on what transpired during the hearing. i try to deliver my answers in a neutral manner, not to reflect any kind of bias. of course i should be an advocate of my client's cause but i try not to internalize it that i might lose my objectivity in handling the case. having a clear view of the case is important for me to make sure i dont become close minded. as one law professor said, one shouldnt swallow everything a client gives. defend the client to the best of your abilities but that doesnt mean you can only do it by believing in everything a client says. thats why i always have reservations on what clients tell me. this is easy for me to do since im born a skeptic. whether they do it intentionally or not, clients will always be biased and i must see the picture from an objective point of view as much as possible in order to handle the case well. unfortunately for my clients, i can only do that by being objective all the time thus i show no sympathy or compassion whenever i talk to them even if their condition would be heartbreaking for some people. i just tell them what i think like an emotionless automaton.

there was one instance when i asked a client, who just lost her husband who died after being stabbed to death, about her case and started saying she's grieving and how bad it is to have lost her husband, i kept telling her to just focus on my questions and only provide relevant answers. i didnt say it rudely but i didnt show any concern that she's still grieving. i also kept hinting that she's planning to sue the wrong people and her perception of the case is clouded because she's pointing the blame on the wrong people. she keeps on narrating how tragic her case was and forcing her belief that such particular persons should be made responsible when after an objective review of the case, the persons she wants to sue arent really guilty at all. i really dont know how to tell it to her so i just kept saying my opinion objectively. i cant hide the fact that my only concern was to get an objective picture of her case. clients who try to appeal for sympathy and pity really irritates me because its difficult to get a good picture of their case or if i do get a clear picture, their minds are closed to whatever is not in accordance to what they believe or perceive. 

the countdown begins

SNSD's album will be released on october 19 or one week from now. it was supposed to be released earlier this month but was delayed for weeks because of last minute change of plans. their company decided to have a simultaneous US release. with this news, it means they're finally testing the possibility of venturing into the US market.

whether they will be successful in the US remains a big unknown (i think). after their success in the japanese market (after conquering the korean market of course), the next place to go would be europe given that its been shown, through their company, that there are a lot of kpop non-asian fans in europe. so naturally, it appears the next frontier would be to promote in a european country. but for some reason, their company decided to check the possibility of extending their reach in the US market. they have proven themselves successful in dominating the asian region and have a great potential in doing the same in europe but they're taking a step further by seeing the possibility of taking on the US market.

obviously, hardcore fans would believe they will be successful. im not saying its impossible but the probability of succeeding depends on too many factors to give a good prediction of the outcome. i think their company will have to rely heavily on their US partner on how to make SNSD marketable in the US. the fact that the Wonder Girls didnt succeed already shows that being widely successful in one corner of the globe doesnt necessarily mean a good chance of penetrating the US market.

SNSD has two english speaking members because they were born in america and spent some time growing up in the US. but having two out of nine members who are fluent in english surely wont be enough. they do have a member who's good at studying and could probably rank third in english speaking if she's been studying well enough (i think the rest of the members have been studying english, maybe in preparation for a possible venture in the US market). in the case of their japanese promotions, only one member was fluent in japanese while the rest studied enough to speak a bit of conversational japanese. that was enough but in the case of japan, kpop was, and is, already popular there to begin with. so the language barrier isnt that burdensome in the promotion activities given there's already a healthy demand from the consumers even before they made their japanese debut album. in the US, with its "limited tolerance" for foreign culture, the language barrier will surely pose problems in promotion activities (unless their US partner manages to think of a way to remove this from the equation by coming up with an effective and creative promotion strategy).

but then again, SNSD's company's plans to venture in the US market is non-committal in a sense that it will only release a US edition of the SNSD album. other than that, there's no news of any other plans. reminds me of the Eraserhead's Aloha Milkyway album which had an Asian edition and released in the asian region, i think more specifically, south east asia. that didnt work and i think it became the start of the band's sharp decline. i remember criticizing the Eheads album as made for non-Filipinos and the band lost their essence in such album.

in a way, it seems the plan to limit the US activity to a simple album release is a good way to check whether there's a potential market in the US for SNSD at this point in time (i think thats also the reason that holding a SNSD concert in the philippines is very unlikely given that the album sales here isnt really that phenomenal or at least the reception of local fans reflects that the philippine market will not generate sufficient profit). but of course, spending money and effort to do this could mean that if things didnt turn out well, they will start brainstorming (for the album release opens the possibility of having a more reliable market research) on how to approach the US market since if things turn out well in europe and they sustain their momentum in asia, and given the possible limited period they have in promoting SNSD (i mean, popularity comes and goes and time is its biggest enemy. the same goes for the korean wave), they have to crack the code in succeeding in the US market before the opportunity to seize it expires. having an asian pop group with a potential to make an impact in the US isnt something thats easy to come by.

draining the drained

its been one year since i got me self employed. and i remember last year, i had a really terrible cough during my first two weeks of employment. back then i thought that my body must have tried really hard not to get sick during the bar exams that when it was finally over, the cough came in full blast.

the reason i remembered my terrible cough last year, which was one year ago, is because im sick again at this same time this year. i started not feeling well a few hours ago in the office. when i got home, i checked my temperature and i have a low fever. normally, i dont realize i have a fever until someone touches me and tells me im hot (90% of the time, i have no fever. it just so happens im simply hot. yup, im hot. i dont even use a blanket even during the cold weather because my body heat is enough to warm me up). but this time, even with a low fever, i thought of checking my temperature because i wasnt really feeling well. i have a mild sore throat too since yesterday so it might mean im going to have a cold in the new few days. hopefully, its not the flu.

there's also the possibility that this fever is related to what the doctor told me a few weeks ago. he said if i start to have a low fever within one month from the time i consulted him, i must see him right away. if that is the case....it means i will have to keep a tight budget until next year. crap. i havent even started recovering the medical expenses from the previous months.

getting stranger by the minute

although i check my facebook account from time to time (got addicted to reblogging stuff on tumblr and i check the latest news on twitter), only now did i realize that i havent been really checking it for months (i stopped playing games on it by late April because of the PS3 and it started to get boring from there). usually, i just log in, check for messages or requests, then log out (like checking an email and looking for urgent stuff). when i logged in just a few minutes ago and checked my notifications, i noticed some kind of notification of a new message from a group account. i checked it and thats when i saw convos from weeks and months ago and how much of a stranger ive become. havent used YM for months too. maybe for more than a year already. i dont even remember when i stopped using YM. the last i remember was up to mid-2009. i always have my cellphone with me. within arms reach 24/7 but 95% of the time, it rings because of some work-related matter (just like a few hours ago).

even if im usually online, have a facebook account and other social networking stuff, im pretty much an island. wow. im still an island.

actually, i know that already but giving it some thought really makes the realization...real. i dont even know what im saying. but what im trying to say is...im an atom. im an atomized individual. im not even part of a molecule. im simply an atom. an atom inside a cubicle. im an atom inside a cubicle with a computer thats connected to the outside world but im not really connected to the outside world in a sense that im part of a molecule. im just an atom with a gizmo thats can connect me to the outside world but the outside world doesnt really connect to me thus ensuring that i stay as an atom and not a molecule. its being enabled to look at the outside from the inside but the outside aint looking in.

i need to get me some fresh air. and a social life. but first some fresh air. im not even sure if i can still have a social life since the world is starting to get strange. well, im becoming strange to the world. or im starting to become an awkward atom. i miss this kind of "somewhat nonsensical" stuff or "it makes sense but its really presented in a very weird manner" kind of stuff.  and im not even drunk or taking drugs.

my back is aching and im bored

just saw on a korean news on a korean channel that there's some anti-korean wave protests happening in japan. i guess the korean wave was able to penetrate too deep in japan that some japanese feel that this should be a serious concern. they think it has reached a level that makes it a threat to japanese culture and society. if im not mistaken (since im not really paying that much attention to the korean news. im not even sure if its actually some "real" news program), some japanese politicians are contemplating taking action against the korean wave (legislating some form of regulation probably).

well, since i saw it on a korean channel, there's a possibility (and good probability) that the news might be exaggerated a little bit. of course, there will be a bias in reporting the news item. there were footages of a rally, some clips of comments of some japanese personalities (maybe politicians) and the changes in some commercial districts which used to be filled with korean stuff (now replaced with japanese items of course). the tone of the report was also very serious. so it really gives off the impression that the news item is some serious concern for both countries. i mean, imagine local news channels here reporting about a mass protest about china's "hostile" attitude towards the philippines with regard to some territorial dispute and delivered by the reporter in a manner as if there is an impending inevitable war. the facts are given some sort of color and makes it look very serious when the situation, although serious, is really not that dark the way it was presented.

i wondered if such a thing will happen here in the philippines. will there be mass actions against the korean wave to protect our philippine culture and society from such foreign influence? i dont think so. our sense of nationalism or patriotism and sense of culture isnt really as...vibrant or as strong as koreans and japanese nationals (our sense of culture and patriotism should be greatly improved but the problem is how or where to begin). also, weve dealt with and "survived" fads before like the mexican telenovelas and japanese anime and it had its influences, might have left a deep impression to particular generations but i dont think its even something to be concerned about. plus, we have a colonial mentality to begin with. so there is still a need to build up our national pride. right now, or, the current state of things, we just adopt and adapt to the changing cultural and social environment. we integrate whatever foreign influence into our somewhat abstract culture we claim as our own. what our culture is exactly is hard to define since our nation is very culturally diverse. this abstract identity causes confusion but we manage to get by. for a poor country, i think were not doing that bad because despite how difficult things can get, we always push through. i think this is something we should take note of. we dont self-destruct despite what seems to be an endless barrage of negative stuff (the corruption, the calamities, some sort of crisis left and right). we keep on struggling to move forward and we keep doing it with a smile even if we admit we are a poor nation with a lot of problems.

anyway, the problem with or what makes the korean wave a concern is that korea is intentionally exporting it to promote korean culture. it raises other countries' awareness of their culture. its supposed to make korea (or south korea) and its culture look interesting. its essentially a marketable product that is successfully spreading globally. i dont think it has made such a deep impact yet in our country. it has made an impact, but somehow, i see it as a fad that will go away and were just waiting for the next "big" thing the local media will promote to us. the korean wave is bound to leave an impression but i dont think we will react the same way some japanese are reacting now. besides, if the same thing happens here, meaning, mass actions and possible regulation, it would run counter to a constitutionally granted liberty. its a form of censorship. and usually, what is censored makes the censored material a more sought item or object. its better to just let things be, it will pass or something new will crop up sooner or later. but then again, this is easy for us to do and this might not be a common attitude in japan.

i want a vacation but maybe i dont want it bad enough

by this time last year, i was eager to get a job. ive been thinking about it as early as two weeks before the bar exams. i would have wanted to take a vacation because of the awfully draining months of reviewing but given my financial status then, i had to get a job. ever since i started working in 2009 (yep, i only started working in 2009, half a decade after graduating from college), i dont want to be financially dependent on my parents. my bank account was so depleted that i would be forced to use my medical emergency funds if i dont get a job in a week (i always make sure i have enough money for a not so expensive medical emergency). so right after the bar exams, i was already updating my resume. and by the middle of the week of the last week of september 2010, i was already submitting one of them resumes to a particular government office in makati (and i never got a call from such office).

after months of reviewing, i only got seven days of rest. on the eighth day after the bar exams, i started working in a nearby law office. i really wish i took a longer vacation. i wanted to just bum around. but given that i dont really have any money left, and bumming around isnt really free (im too old to be a freeloader. well, there is no age limit to be a freeloader but...i just dont feel like being one at the moment), i became determined to get a job as soon as possible.

when i started working, i honestly thought that i had a 50-50 chance of passing the bar (i was doing okay during the first two bar sundays but i started messing things up on the third and fourth bar sunday). its because of this that i convinced myself to start working. if i dont pass the bar exams, i will have to repeat the bar review process all over again. so i need to earn some money again in order to pay for the expenses for the second take (i used up all the money i saved when i worked for 10 months in an NGO. actually, i had to take a part time job during the bar review because the money i saved by working in the NGO wasnt enough to cover hotel expenses). so i started making computations, how much it will cost me, how much i need to save, etc. (for a person who claims to hate math, i do a lot of computations. well, i dont really hate the simple arithmetic stuff). so i was already making plans in the event i failed the bar exams. i was not only trying to recover financially but also trying to earn enough money for a worst case scenario.

fast forward one year later. i dont need to take the bar exams again. i used the money i saved to buy a laptop for my sister to replace the laptop i took from her (the one im currently using). but im not really better off financially compared to last year. im near to where i started a year ago --- almost bankrupt. only this time, i can last a month before im forced to use my medical emergency funds. why? medical expenses and medical procedures which arent really emergencies but serious enough that it cant be ignored and must be given attention as soon as possible. also bought a new desktop PC. there are also bills to pay, groceries, and other miscellaneous expenses which slows down my financial recovery from the stuff that depleted my funds recently.

i may be the type of person who doesnt really dream of becoming rich but im the type of person who becomes less stressed when im financially stable. thats why its a big deal for me to earn enough money so i can spend freely without much worries and feel some sense of security about the future. but i dont aim to earn more than i what i really need.

absence of electricity contributes a lot to non-productivity

i woke up to a text message earlier today that informed me that government offices wont be open today. crap. i need to revise a pleading again. i need to adjust the dates i indicated in it (dates are really important for this pleading). it was supposed to be filed yesterday but since im too busy to personally take care of it (i had to attend a hearing that i requested to be scheduled in the morning but was scheduled in the afternoon), i suggested that it be filed today. so i edited it yesterday to make it ready for filing today. since the government office wont be open, it would be delayed for another day.

when i went to my law office earlier this morning (so i experienced the strong winds which rendered my umbrella useless) to work since there was no electricity at home, i found out there was no electricity there too. so i decided to just get the case file for tomorrow's hearing for another case and i will just have to go to work very early tomorrow to edit the pleading before i go to court (since the final version is saved inside the office computer and i need to finalize it quickly because i need to meet a client in the afternoon). the suspension today isnt really doing me any good. work just piles up.

at least i was able to test my bag. i stopped using my backpack last july when i brought it to The Travel Club to be repaired. ive been using it since 2003 so naturally, wear and tear has set in. its bottom part was already starting to have holes because the fabric was already thin due to constant usage. so i bought myself a new one. i wanted another jansport bag because ive tested its durability but the material used now by jansport isnt the same one as the jansport bag i own. i prefer the old material over the current one (all the salespersons ive talked to keep telling me that the new material is much more durable but still, im not convinced. besides, i really dont like its texture. i really like the old fabric). also, i need to switch to a bag which is good to use when i go to court (although a backpack is ok, its not really convenient to carry case files in it and i end up with a crumpled court attire. but in terms of comfort, a backpack is still the most comfortable and efficient to carry). after weeks of looking for a nice bag, i decided to get the Belkin Stride 360 Messenger (its not perfect but its the best i can find given my limited budget and the limited period i have. i dont have any other bag i can use once i send my jansport bag for repair). it can carry case files neatly (the fit is perfect) and i can securely place my laptop in it. i like where the compartments are placed and i can quickly get things from it efficiently. it also looks durable too. but what i havent tested is its claim that its water-resistant. sure it got wet before, when i used it while walking in the rain and the contents didnt get wet but those times involved just ordinary rain. and my umbrella was able to do its part in making sure i dont get wet with my bag. so the weather today was a good test to find out how much rain water it can withstand (since the usual contents of my bag are my laptop and case files, and both items shouldnt get wet). knowing how bad the weather is, i didnt bring my laptop but i brought a thin case file (which i placed in a plastic envelope just to make sure). so out i went to face the strong winds and the pouring rain. i had to stop using the umbrella from time to time because of the strong wind. naturally, i got wet from head to toe because of the erratic wind direction and the occasional strong downpour. my bag was dripping wet too when i reached the office. i then opened it to check if its inside portion got wet. holy shit. it resisted the rain water and it resisted it well. the inside portion was really dry. even if the wind was blowing in every direction and i had to stop using the umbrella, and i got really wet, and its not even the type of bag that's really sealed since its a messenger bag, it still managed to keep my things inside it dry. and it dries quickly too. after seeing how well my bag did today, its only now that i can say that im satisfied with my purchase. it may not be a good looking bag (thats why i said its not perfect because i really dont like the way it looks) but it really gets the job done. or it really serves its purpose very well.

i just looked at my bag and gave it a thumbs up.

three hundred sixty five days ago?

by this time last year...i was probably sleeping already after using up my remaining strength for the last bar sunday.

usually, i finish the exam 30 minutes before the end of the allocated time (i spend the last 25-30 minutes reviewing my answers. if i can still edit it, i edit it. there's such a thing as "marking" so erasures must be avoided as much as possible). such wasnt the case for the last bar subject. it was the only time that the school bell rang and i wasnt even reviewing my answers yet. my left had was already in pain by the third bar sunday. i was already losing control over it by the fourth bar sunday. i had to take breaks while answering the last bar subject (which includes legal forms) because my left hand was no longer following instructions from my brain. my fingers and my pen strokes were starting to have a life of its own. thats why i took longer than usual. also, i was really exhausted mentally that i also spent time convincing myself not to give up during the exam. since i have the tendency to just drop things when ive had enough or when im really tired, i was starting to entertain the thought of just answering anything and just be finished with it. its really hard to squeeze one's brain when one no longer has the energy to squeeze. my eyes were also really tired too.

when i stepped out of the exam room that afternoon, even when im fully aware that im done with the exams, i just went on autopilot. i just want to use enough brainpower to get back to the hotel, claim my stuff, and go home. fortunately, my body reserved enough energy for me to have the strength to commute (i was almost bankrupt by that time so i cant really afford to ride a taxi). in all the bar sundays, except the first one, i always went home by riding the crowded MRT. sometimes i have to wait for half an hour for a train where i can fit since i have three bags with me, filled with reviewers, clothing and a laptop. thats why while lining up to buy the train ticket, i was thinking of blogging something about the MRT commute experience. there must be some better way to operate this mode of public transport (just finished the bar exams and i was already thinking of something which required a lot of brain cells)

it was also exactly one year ago when the bar exam blast happened. fortunately, i told my family not to wait for me outside the gates of la salle. i told them to just wait for me at trinoma. when i got there, we had dinner at the trinoma foodcourt and i ordered me self some korean food. then we went home, i unpacked my stuff and slept.

it will end in less than 24 hours

by this time last year, i was already drained. my confidence was further depleted by the third sunday subjects (i focused too much on a particular subject under commercial law and i relied on the wrong reviewer for criminal law). to make things worse, i really dont have a thing for remedial law. i dropped civil procedure during law school, which eventually led to my one year delay in finishing my law studies. as for ethics and legal forms, its difficult to prepare for it because it seems so simple.

during the latter half of the bar exams, there were less visitors during saturdays. so im really close to losing it and just dropping everything (because the isolation, surprisingly, was driving me nuts). good thing there's a part of me that never quits (which only contradicts me on crucial moments). usually, i just give up and do something else because its bothersome to persevere. so my non-quitter self isnt something i can summon. it just pops up when it thinks it has to or when it feels like it. fortunately, it thought the bar exams isnt something worth giving up. so i just kept telling myself then that i managed to finish three bar sundays, one more bar sunday couldnt be that bad (although the effort that's needed for it was really something ive never experienced before). the thing is, at this point, with not much confidence left, and being drained emotionally, physically and mentally, it really becomes difficult to keep moving forward. the whole ordeal was immensely tiring. and im someone who really has a very low stamina. speed is my field of expertise, not endurance. i try to finish things quickly because i cant stand prolonged physical and mental effort (in addition to getting tired, i get bored). thats why i had to keep telling myself that its just one more sunday. my body really wanted to give up already and just rest. thankfully, that small part of me managed to convince me to get up the following sunday and finish the bar exams.

i got married on september 24

well, if im going to believe my dream a while ago. and i got married in Cambodia to some non-cambodian asian hottie (someone who looked like NS Yoon Ji with less korean features. or like bianca gonzalez, only more chinita). ha! in my dreams! and that is what literally happened.

even im a person who's not going to get married, im not surprised to have such a dream since i watched HIMYM last night and that infuenced my dream earlier this morning. and as usual (meaning this isnt the first time i dreamt of getting married), i got married because of some sort of deal. business related deal or something to that effect. whenever i get married in my dreams, there's some level of professionality, and convincing people that the marriage is grounded on the common notion that its based on some emotional relationship when its really meant to attain something perfectly rational, where getting married is the only effective means to an end. its like having a "lets pull this one off and get it over with" kind of thing.

for a person who doesnt really care about getting married, i do attend a lot of weddings. i just attended one earlier this month. i rarely miss weddings. the only weddings i miss are the ones where im not really close to the one getting married.

i dont know why i frequently attend weddings. maybe i recognize the fact that its supposed to be a once in a lifetime thing, like death (since we dont have divorce here). so im more likely to attend it compared to a birthday party which is a yearly thing. now that i think about it, i dont really enjoy attending it but i attend weddings anyway because i see its significance. i guess. and i dont see myself getting married, not only because its very unlikely but also because i really dont see myself in such a situation when i try to think about it now. i simply cannot imagine it. i dont feel i want to get married either (although i think i could get married for a very good reason). i seriously see a marriage as a lifetime contract and putting "lifetime" and "contract" together doesnt really look enticing. but since i view it as a contract, if the terms and conditions are good, then the contract may be worth giving some thought.

dancing queen choding

do i look like a crystal?

i attended a hearing yesterday and since it was my first time to attend the case, i introduced myself. most of the time, people would say "christian" (for some reason, only the Taco Bell cashiers get it right the first time when they ask for my name). but yesterday, the judge thought it was "crystal". so when he was already reciting the order in open court, i corrected him about my name. seriously, do i look like a "crystal"?

its not the first time someone heard my name as "crystal". back in college, i called a college friend at her home and her mother thought the caller was someone named "crystal". so when her mother told my college friend that some person named "crystal" was calling, she was absolutely clueless who it was. when she realized it was me, she said she wanted to say to her mother that if she only knew who the caller was, the name "crystal" wouldnt even cross her mind.

the other person who made the "crystal" mistake was me. back in law school, some professors use our first name when calling us to recite in class. i had a blockmate with such name and when i was being called, i thought our professor was calling her. thats why i wasnt responding. the professor thought i was just playing dumb to avoid the recitation (since i already did some stupid stunts in the same class to avoid recitation. one was saying im going to pass when its not even allowed. my seatmate noticed that i read the case but i still refused to recite it. she asked why didnt i just recite the case when based from my readings, i studied it. i just said im not in the mood to recite. she just looked at me with a concerned look on her face. the other stupid stunt was by stepping out of the classroom because i know the order of people who were about to recite and i was next. the professor even had to check i wasnt just roaming around outside and waiting for the class to end. while i was out, he asked my classmate who just went out after me if he saw me in the restroom. he said yes. actually, we didnt see each other because i wasnt in the restroom, i went to the nearby store to buy some food because i was bored in class and i wanted to avoid recitation. good thing i said i was at the restroom when the professor asked where ive been. it was risky for my classmate to cover for me but fortunately, we had the same answer. of course, the professor still didnt believe us because i took too long to come back).

give me sight beyond sight

while i was walking home from work this afternoon, i noticed how good my peripheral vision was. not that its the first time i noticed it but im glad to realize that its still good.

more than a half a decade ago, a friend asked whether i had eyes at the back of my head. we were in a covered court and i was texting. my friend was standing in front of me watching the basketball game behind me. then without lifting my head, while continuing texting, i tilted my head to the right to avoid the basketball coming from behind that could have grazed my left ear if i didnt move my head slightly. he was puzzled how i knew that there was a ball coming at me from behind when i was busy texting. i replied it was because of his facial expression and hand gestures. since he was standing right in front of me, he was in my peripheral vision while i was texting. i noticed that he was looking upward, slightly to my left side and his arms were preparing to catch something. given the direction of his line of sight and the way he was stretching my arms, my brain, through my peripheral vision, managed to calculate where the ball will be coming from. instinctively, i tilted my head. of course, luck was also a factor since i have no idea how fast the ball was so if i didnt tilt my head fast enough, it would have hit me. all my peripheral vision and my brain could do is calculate the trajectory. also, since i dont like moving a lot, or wasting unnecessary energy (as one college friend said, im an energy saving device where all my movements are calculated, trying not to waste any energy), instead of moving to the right, i just tilted my head thinking that if my calculations are correct, that would suffice to avoid the ball. and i did all this without giving it much thought since i was focused on texting. ive developed an instinct to be mindful of my surroundings through my peripheral vision.

i think this also explains why when another friend tried to grab my arnis sticks from behind, he was surprised that he wasnt able to snatch it despite stealthily sneaking behind me. my hands automatically tightened its grip when it felt someone was trying to suddenly grab my arnis sticks. i was really alert then. or my reflexes were really good. now, i think its time to do something to improve it (i realized with the weight i gained, my physical body naturally became slower and its having difficulties keeping up with my brain signals. ever since i was a kid, i relied on speed, flexibility and agility. and since i dont exercise, even with the added weight, it does not automatically convert itself to strength. at least my sense of coordination is still good but my brain is starting to notice that my body feels different with its new weight). back in august 2009 and january 2010, i fell victim to pickpockets. that should have served as a wake up call that im not as mindful of my surroundings anymore. i just shrugged it off as misfortune.

well, at least my peripheral vision is still good. i still notice the slightest movements at the corner of my eye. i can easily see a mouse at my outermost corner of my eye even when im watching TV programs with subtitles. and im still good at sensing vehicles behind me by observing the facial expressions of persons and movements of other vehicles in front of me without being mindful of it. 

i was halfway through

by this time last year, i was preparing for the third installment of the bar exams. commercial law and criminal law. like the first bar sunday, i had to borrow a codal from a friend. i managed to finish law school (and the bar review), without having a corporation law codal. i just used a soft copy of it i found in the internet. since gadgets like cellphones and laptops arent allowed in the examination room, i had to borrow a codal which i can use for last minute reviewing inside the room.

i remember two mistakes i made during the third review week. one, i focused too much on corporation law when there are other law subjects that fall under commercial law (like intellectual property law, insolvency law, insurance law, negotiable instruments, banking law, agency and partnership, etc.). a friend asked me the week before which week i was worried about and i said its the 2nd week because of taxation law. he then asked, shouldnt it be third week? only then that i realized what he meant. since commercial law isnt as "coherent" like the other fields, composed of bits and pieces of legislation here and there, it can get a bit difficult to review it, especially with very limited time. at least taxation law is much more..."solid" as a field of law. commercial law has a wide range of subjects similar to civil law but its concepts can be more difficult to grasp. anyway, i focused too much on corporation law because i thought the bulk of the questions would be under this subject. i was wrong. the questions were almost equally divided in the different subjects under it, trying to give equal importance to each subject. fortunately, i took some of these subjects as electives (like banking law and intellectual property law). fortunately again, i had some stocked knowledge from these elective subjects.

my second mistake is my choice of reviewer. only after the third bar sunday did i learn that one law school intentionally releases pre-week reviewers with mistakes on it. i have relied on it for the first three sundays. and i have noticed some of the mistakes but i thought they were just honest mistakes. only when a fellow bar examinee told me that such school has a reputation of releasing reviewers with mistakes in it, to mislead the other examinees like me, did i learn about it. crap. thats why i got the last question for criminal law wrong. well, not entirely wrong but i would say i can only get partial points for it because of the wrong term i used.

i feel like a sloth

"today i just dont feel like doing anything. i just want to lay in my bed."

woke up today with a boulder of laziness on my shoulder (or a cloak of laziness...or a cloud of laziness over my head...whatever, im too lazy to really think of something better...point is im feeling extremely lazy). i had to ask myself whether its already saturday. i answered its only friday and i need to get up to go to the office (i like my morning conversations with myself. there was a time i felt like i was in some negotiation table, arguing against myself how much longer i should sleep before i get up to go to work. can i afford 5 minutes? can i extend it to 10? will be 15 minutes be too much or could i still manage to have enough time? of course the other side was arguing that i need to get at that moment. then i start editing my pleading in my head while in a half-asleep mode so by the time im going to edit it in my office, i already have the revisions ready to save time and make up for the extended sleep i took. yep. there are times im already "half-working" while half-conscious because my mind is much clearer during this period)

anyway, it took me an hour before i managed to leave my bed and go to the living room. since i was feeling extremely lazy, i just sat in front of the TV, waiting for the drowsiness to wear off, which was trying to pull me back to my bed. another hour passed before i finished getting dressed to go to work. it took me five minutes just to wear my shoes because i really didnt want to put them on. i just want to lie down again in my bed.

now, im sitting in my office, with an MS word file containing a pleading im supposed to be finalizing. and im just too drowsy to work. i want to go to back to sleep. normally, i would get some nice cup of coffee but the nearby Mcdonalds is still under renovation, im not that desperate to go to starbucks and i dont feel like drinking 7-11's crappy coffee. i think today will be a very unproductive day (unless motivation kicks in from out of the blue)