when will the next train arrive? i want to leave this station

life is like one long train ride. you live it by sticking to the tracks. you go from one train to another but you always stick to the tracks. and its a long and difficult ride for most of us even if the trains lead to the same last station.

we start out choosing which train to ride on. usually its the one on the right track. our first train is usually the easiest one. over time, we get tired of riding it, or decide to go to a different direction and ride a different train. so we get off the next station and wonder which train to ride next. sometimes we even think when we'll ride the next train. so we stay on a station for a while. in some stations, we notice that some passengers are taking too long to decide where to go and they appear stuck. some of us then wish that they dont become one of them. so some of us ride the next train without much thought.

every time we ride a new train heading towards a new direction, we meet other passengers, we see new sceneries, we learn new things. we always gain something from every train ride. and we lose some things too.

in some train rides, some of us realize soon enough that they are on the wrong track. good for them. some realize a little later. some of us will never realize they are on the wrong track until its too late. some of these people are just waiting to reach the last station. they stop caring what train they're on or where their train is heading. for them, it wouldnt matter because all of us will reach the same last station.

some manage to get to the train that will bring them back on the right track (that is if they figure out where the right track is). some dont and keep riding one wrong train after another. so in a way, we are always on track. the question is, are we on the right one or the wrong one?

some of us are lucky enough to meet other passengers we can ride with. probably because they are heading towards the same direction in reaching the last station. or they are just making the most out of each ride until they go their separate ways and ride different trains.

some of us always ride alone, either by choice or otherwise. some of us end up riding alone.

in any case, all of us needs to keep riding these trains. there's no escaping life until we reach the last station.

life is a blur

sometimes it seems things go by too quickly. were so busy watching out for what's just ahead of us that we dont take the time to enjoy where we are. days go by and we hardly notice them. life becomes a blur. often it takes some calamity to make us live in the present. then suddenly we wake up and see all the mistakes weve made. but its too late to change anything. - calvin

2nd fuck filled day

fuck! really? another shitty day? bad news brewing everywhere. holy shitload!

is this life's law of equivalent exchange? where for every happiness you get, you have to pay for it with seven times the hardship or whatever negative or opposite equivalent of happiness. right now, you suck life! you suck big time! youre making death look so sweet and appealing. unfortunately, death doesnt like me either. damn you death! but i hate life more at the moment.

you just gave me a full year of problems, life. one of them is currently "unsolvable". and probably will be because i have killed a lot of brain cells trying to think of a solution and the answer i got is...i cant solve it alone. fuck! and it seems i have no option but to solve it alone. so now what?

life, really? a full year of foreseeable problems? meaning there's a bunch of nasty surprises in the next half of this fucked up year. i dont like them but i know life will give it to me anyway.

2009, if i make it until the 31st of december, im going to make sure im going to kick 2010's ass if 2010 will try to be the same as you 2009.

ok...i know i sound crazy because im talking to life, 2009 and 2010 but really, im just fucking pissed. that simple.

Fuck...

i dont know how many times ive said the word "fuck" today. certainly a hundred at least and im not fucking exaggerating. fuck. fuck is my word of the day for June...cant even fucking remember the date....for june 02, 2009. shit. yeah. i alternate shit and fuck but i say fuck 75% more often today. i usually say crap. but today is just fucking different. the gravity of the shit calls for the expression fuck and not crap.

if i have a travelling machine, im going to put my 2009 foot up my 2005 ass. fuck. why did my 2005 self had this stupid philosophy of "let future self worry about it". well, im future self and im fucking worrying about it now! damn you 2005 bum! shit. i mean, what the crap is the point of having a good sense of foresight when its coupled with a goddamn dumbass philosophy. i knew this will happen four years ago but my 2005 self had to say,"well, future self can handle it so im just going to be a lazy ass and sit all day". well, im having a hard time handling it 2005 piece of shit.

and why the hell is my method of teaching or making a point has to be me telling "i told you so" after doing shitty stuff at my expense? dumbass self! why cant i just make an illustration or patiently explain it? why do i have to actually do it? like, "the idea is absurd! i will prove it by actually doing it!" after going through the absurdity..."see, i told you so." fuck. now im in that absurd situation and saying "i told you so". i have made my point. and im right. now what!? time and effort lost just to make a stupid point. fuck.

2005 self, you are lucky you live in the past. now i have a choice whether to screw the life of 2012 self or save him the trouble by fixing the shit ive made now.

absurd!!!

Your Mafia of 501 fought against Big \\\\\\\"D\\\\\\\" with 54 AR-15 Assault Rifles, 2 Easter Egg Bombs, 3 AA-12 Auto Shotguns, 3 Bushmaster ACRs, 4 Midas' Butterfly Knives, 76 Napalms, a Gold Desert Eagle, 59 Bookie's Holdout Pistols, 3 Sub Machine Guns, a Bloody Webby, 185 Bonus weapons, 68 RPG Launchers, 2 Harpoon Guns, a Bloody Mop, a Tire Iron, a Weighted Knuckle Gloves , 27 Chain Guns, 10 .50 Caliber Rifles, 51 Federal Agents, 3 I Heart Mom Tattoos, 3 Half Dollar Body Armors, 66 Bodyguards, 64 Night Vision Goggles, 21 Body Armors, 104 Stab-Proof Vests, 62 Falsified Documents, 3 Bullet Proof Vests, 36 Lucky Shamrock Medallions, 50 Humvees, 57 Police Cruisers, 50 Porsche 911s, 64 Harley Davidson "Fat Boy" Motorcycles, a Veyron, 3 Indy Racers, 50 Armored Limousines, 62 Armored Cars, a Chrome Skyline, 59 Private Jets, 41 Town Cars, 59 Luxury Yachts, 3 '35 Cabriolets, and a Stolen Mail Truck.

Big \\\\\\\"D\\\\\\\"'s Mafia of 7 fought with a Gold Desert Eagle, a Sub Machine Gun, a Bloody Webby, a Tire Iron, a Car Bomb, a Chain Gun, a Trench Knife, 7 Falsified Documents, 3 Armored Limousines, and 4 Private Jets.

Big \\\\\\\"D\\\\\\\" scored a critical hit! You LOST the fight along with $100,000, taking 10 damage and dealing 8 damage to your enemy.

i was about to go online on YM when...

crap. a minute of hesitation...might as well post some quotes...

The man who is guided by concepts and abstractions only succeeds by such means in warding off misfortune, without ever gaining any happiness for himself from these abstractions. And while he aims for the greatest possible freedom from pain, the intuitive man, standing in the midst of a culture, already reaps from his intuition a harvest of continually inflowing illumination, cheer, and redemption — in addition to obtaining a defense against misfortune. To be sure, he suffers more intensely, when he suffers; he even suffers more frequently, since he does not understand how to learn from experience and keeps falling over and over again into the same ditch. - Friedrich Nietzsche

Those who restrain desire, do so because theirs is weak enough to be restrained. - William Blake

Im a Sagittarius Pig!

how could i miss the obvious! im a sagittarian...and im a pig! a sagittarius pig!

ive been studying all day long and im too tired to study some more. so i checked my facebook account and stumbled upon this application that leads to this website...i think. too tired to even pay attention.

wow, im a sagittarius pig! never crossed my mind. im speechless. i mean, really? ok...im just oozing with sarcasm at the moment. all this studying is really making me...anyway...

Sagittarius/Pig Profile:


These Pigs live to be (or at least appear to be) above reproach. They may get up to some shady mischief. But they prefer to keep it hush hush. They are rapaciously observant and cannot leave a detail alone. Gentle in love, they are rarely faithful to a life long mate.



THE HONORABLE SENSUALIST
Still waters run deep. The Sagittarian Pig, above reproach in moral conduct and beyond social disapprobation, tries very hard to maintain a spotless reputation. Not that the Sagittarius/Pig is a Pollyanna and only capable of Boy Scoutism. Not at all. But this person attends to his or her public name by staying clear of trouble and acting the role of moralist. Of course, this pristine do-good behavior only goes so far. The Sagittarian/Pig is still (pardon the expression) a Pig. So this upstanding citizen type who has many axes to grind with everything from politics to artistic expression is frequently found out to be a secret wallower.



Positive Traits : cheerfulness, valor, solicitude, open handedness, honor, reason, scrupulousness, voluptuousness, gallantry, culture, sincerity, honesty


Negative Traits : outspokenness, vacillation, recklessness, carelessness, bad manners, contradiction, credulity, materialism, wrath, gourmandism, hesitation, pigheadedness

its friday and im in...the mood to talk about the cure

The cure for love is still in most cases that ancient radical medicine: love in return. - Nietzsche

Really Nietzsche, really? well, he did say most cases.

come to think of it, what did he mean by cure? does he agree with me that love is an infectious disease? i really should read his books and not settle for excerpts. i havent read Nietzsche since i was this nosy college student who checked Fr. David's list of recommended readings for another class. i just felt like reading them. the same way when i saw a shelf of books on Marxism and read them just because i wanted to read them.

anyway, if love is an infectious disease...how do you get rid of it? i mean, if you get love in return, you dont get rid of it, you let it grow and consume you. how can love in return cure love? getting love in return doesnt cancel the love one already feels. whoever developed this love thingie anyway? this love business shit. how did it exist? where does it reside? must be some kind of virus that infects the mentally weak. if one needs a cure, its some kind of sickness isnt it? and who in their right mind would like to be sick? well, thats why those who are infected with this goddamn feeling isnt in their right minds.

if love in return is the cure for love in most cases, what about the other cases? whats the cure? hate? can hate love? or can love hate? i dont think love can hate. nor can hate love. what the hell am i saying? at 330am, i should be sleeping. but i cant.

anyway, Nietzsche has more to say on love:

"The shortsighted are in love.-- Sometimes it requires only a stronger pair of spectacles to cure the lover, and he who had the imagination to picture a face, a figure twenty years older would perhaps pass through life very undisturbed."

so, thats another cure for love, a stronger pair of spectacles. i used to have those. wait, im still wearing those! damn it.

"There is not enough love and goodness in the world for us to be permitted to give any of it away to imaginary things."

give love to an imaginary thing. well, sometimes thats what works for other people. maybe thats their cure...and disease at the same time.

i cant help but be scared of it all sometimes

its...well, it was 3am when i wrote this (since i wont be able to post this on blogger because i dont have an internet connection at my current residence). for some reason i cant sleep and i have a fucking pimple on my right armpit! i just find both annoying. not in the mood to review or study. i spend my supposed waking moments studying and i dont want to spend this unintentional waking moment studying too. i just hope this isnt one of those months of insomnia. if it is, i have two things to say: fucking wrong timing and to the girl who wished i had insomnia, well, i have insomnia now...and wrong timing!

insomnia at a time like this...what is God thinking? and im not referring to clock time. im in this part of my life where time really is gold. and im wasting precious gold.

Gawd im hungry. cant even smoke even if i wanted to.

at 3am in the morning, i cant think of a person i cant text and say, "if you happen to talk to God, can you ask Him, what's up with this? 2009 is halfway through and the significant stuff in my life are half-doomed".

my back hurts. ooohhh nooo, not the physical pain again! crap. more distraction. dont tell me im going to have them coughing fits again...and...i dont even want to think about the third one. the physical pain trifecta. damn it. why now!?

ok. i might overreacting since its 3am in the morning. but my back really, really hurts.

im just talking to myself now. well, ive been doing that a lot lately. like Tom Hanks in Castaway. i say out loud, "what will i have for breakfast?" i answer, "well, there's some noodles. there's oatmeal. you can buy some pandesal, or have some scrambled eggs. maybe some breakfast cereal perhaps?" wow, im having a conversation with myself at 7am in the morning. how nice. im not complaining, i just find it amusing that i really cant stop talking that i must talk to myself. sometimes i just have to read something out loud so i can hear myself talk. last night i talked to the wall. well, im still sane because the wall didnt back. if it did, crap, im going to ask someone where i dropped my sanity. and...he or she can have it. i dont need sanity when things are going wrong like this (damn you first half of 2009! wait...will these failures happen all year long? crap. what can i expect on august!?). anyway, if youre wondering what i said to the wall, i just said "im 25 and here i am talking to the wall. a very white wall. so i spent one night of my 25th year talking to a very white wall. really white wall. the person who painted this should be proud of his work. goodnight wall"

well, i study almost all day long (i take breaks of course) and when i get home, im all alone and no one to talk to. this would not be a problem if only im the same person as i was before (like 2 years ago or maybe a year ago?). i used to be an island. unfortunately, when i need to be an island, when i really, really need to live like a hermit, i cant anymore. life is cruel. why the hell do i have to change now? why God why? everyday, i mean, everyday, i look at the sky hoping an answer will enter my head. i look at the In God We Trust neon sign at the top of the building saying "did God just blink?" just to make me think that God is making Himself felt. Oh God, why does my back hurt now that i cant sleep and its 3am in the morning.

i havent played baseball since high school

i was starting to digress in my previous blog entry when i realized that the topic could be a separate blog entry...

what the crap happened to me...looking at myself now that im 25...oh well. life throws a lot of crazy curve balls and the most you can do is be prepared for each one. if you get hit by one of them crazy curve balls, you have no choice but to get back up. it might take some time or it might seem like that damn curve ball inflicted a goddamn unbearable pain, but the only way to deal with it is to get back up (and face those curve balls again that life will never stop throwing. damn you life! haha). i think its not a human tendency to keep facing life's curve balls but its what makes a person stay human or inherently a warm blooded human being. as edward elric said: "envy...youre envious of humans. were so much weaker than you homunculi but battered, confused, even when were beaten and about to collapse, even when we know its pointless, we always stand back up. and if we cant, our friends will lift us"

the idea of always getting back up, the knowledge of a mortal going against what appears to be inhuman conditions, facing the improbable and sometimes the impossible, appears to defy logic and reason, to willingly allow oneself be burned alive and face unimaginable pain for the sake of just moving forward and not giving up the never ending struggle to live and not merely survive. kinda reminds me of iggy pop's song title, lust for life. i think this is what makes some people more human than others. i miss saying i think. am i back to being i am? i hope so. or i hope so?

same banana?

which one is better, a daydreaming realist or an idealist who's in touch with reality? or both of them are just bananas?

speaking of bananas, ive been searching for this poem for years (just because i like it...and i recited this in one of my english classes way back when i was a freshman in college).

The Uncertainty of the Poet
Wendy Cope

I am a poet.

I am very fond of bananas.

I am bananas.

I am very fond of a poet.

I am a poet of bananas.

I am very fond.

A fond poet of “I am, I am”—

Very bananas.

Fond of “Am I bananas?

Am I?” – a very poet.

Bananas of a poet!

Am I Fond? Am I very?

Poet bananas! I am

I am fond of a “very”.

I am of very fond bananas.

Am I a poet?

i was trying hard not to laugh while i was reciting this poem. maybe i should start writing poems again...wonder if i can find my old ones. i stopped writing poems sometime around mid-high school. what the crap happened to me...looking at myself now that im 25...oh well. life throws a lot of crazy curve balls and the most you can do is be prepared for each one.

pain

when people get hurt, they learn to hate. when people hurt others, they become hatred and are racked with guilt. but knowing that pain allows people to be kind, pain allows people to grow. and how you grow is up to you. you know pain, you think about it, and the answer you find is up to you. - jiraiya

shattered glass

i literally mean shattered glass. my coca-cola drinking glass i got from mcdonalds just shattered into pieces. i dropped it accidentally after washing it on the kitchen sink. damn it! i liked that glass. i really, really liked it. i was so happy to buy it and i remember when i got home, i was showing it off to my siblings. crap. i even bought coke just to show them that i was drinking coke with the coke glass. sucks! i dont know if i can find an exact replacement. im already attached to that glass. now im starting to not like the month of april again. how the crap did i drop it! why do things keep breaking! i just hate it. crap. really, really sucks! this isnt the same as the month of august where im unlucky. the bad things that are happening are attributable to me. they arent really beyond my control. it just so happens that im negligent, im not strong enough, i lack sufficient foresight.faults made due to my own shortcomings that lead to wrong decisions and wrong turns.

ok...i just dropped my drinking glass, why the hell am i making a big thing out of an insignificant accident and digressing somewhere else? holy heat! anyway, i really liked that drinking glass and it just sucks because its going to be difficult to find another one...if there is a possibility i can find another one. i get attached to some of the things i own.  

time to rise and shine sleepyhead

i friend just told me a few weeks ago that in my current state (and i think he was referring to my really current state), its either im sleeping or im awake. or something to that effect. so which is which? i guess ive been sleeping for quite some time now (more than a decade perhaps? or less? like short intervals of waking moments and sleep for longer periods), and its time to wake up. really wake up. what worries me is that ive been asleep for so long that im not even sure who i am as a person who's awake. am i still that person? i still think i am but have i changed so much? or as another friend said about people changing, will i become more of myself when i wake up?

i have a theory that somehow will be tested if i do decide to wake up (actually i have decided to wake up, its only a matter of time or figuring out how to really wake up and not go back to sleep again). i have a theory about life and death. the moment a person starts to live is the moment he starts to die. the closer he is in finding the meaning of life, universe and everything, the closer he is in meeting that guy named death. the moment he understands what 42 stands for, is the moment his life ceases because he has seen a glimpse of the true purpose, the true meaning of life. no one is meant to gain life's secret and live long enough to tell anyone about it. thats what makes life personal, meaningful and interesting.

Quotes:

The worst mistake that you can make is to think you're alive when really you're asleep in life's waiting room. - Guy Forsyth

The trick is to combine your waking rational abilities with the infinite possibilities of your dreams. Because, if you can do that, you can do anything. - Guy Forsyth 

im quoting lines from the movie Waking Life...and the weird thing about this movie is when i watched it...my mind wasnt really there. i watched the entire movie with my mind roaming elsewhere. so my memory is the movie is mostly what i saw and i dont recall much about what i heard. crap. i need to watch this movie again

the routine has been broken!

i hope. lately (meaning for more than a month), whenever i go online, the very first website i go to is facebook. before facebook, my routine was to check first my four email addresses. this is the first time since i got addicted to facebook that i completely forgot about it and checked my emails first, then blogged. and im playing less of mafia wars too. finally some good stuff. i really need to stay away from mafia wars and facebook, or at least not be addicted to the online game and website. 

Not T, not F, definitely not M or A, i thought it was B but actually it was E all along

You Know Erning...Life is a Blur

Tuesday, December 30, 2008
HIMYM on mistakes 

There are certain things in life where you know it's a mistake but you don't really know it's a mistake because the only way to know that it really is a mistake is to make that mistake and go, "Yup, that was a mistake". So really, the bigger mistake would be to not make the mistake because then you'll go about your whole life not knowing whether it was a mistake or not - Lily Aldrin

Here's the thing about mistakes. Sometimes, even when you know something's a mistake, you gotta make it anyway - Future Ted Mosby

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Breaking Tradition 

kids, sometimes in life, the planets align, everything links up and your timing is perfect...this wasnt one of those times - Ted Mosby

Ako si Estong

Sunday, February 12, 2006

Sunog mga kapatid! Halabira! 

"Hindi dahil sa hindi ako napapaso ay ibig sabihin hindi ako nasusunog. Tao pa din ako, kahit ako tinatablan." - Estong

Ewan ko sa inyo. Bakit ako? Meron naman siguro diyang iba na kaya siya. Ayokong maging "sacrificial lamb", di ako papayag sa "suicide mission" na yan hangga't may ibang paraan. Alam ko kung sino sya, alam ko ang magagawa nya at alam ko din ang magagawa ko. Sa ngayon, tingin ko di pa oras para kumilos. Mahirap sumingit at makialam kahit may plano dahil minsan mas malakas ang hatak ng tadhana at swerte. Kahit gaano ka kahanda, pag di pa oras, walang mangyayari at kung meron man, malamang hindi ayon sa binabalak. Mahirap, maraming bagay na nakataya. Kaya kong makipaglaro sa apoy kasi alam ko kung hanggang saan ko kaya lumapit, alam ko kung kailan ako mapapaso. Ibang bagay ang masunog. Pag nagsimula ka na masunog sa apoy, pwede kang lamunin nito ng buo o paunti-unti. Paunti-unti man o buo, parehong masakit. Mahirap nang bumangon, minsan baka nga hindi ka na makabangon pa. Tama lang matakot sa apoy, pero ibang tanong na ang pagkontrol sa apoy, lalo na yung tipo na nagliliyab.

Sa ngayon, napapaisip ako, hanggang saan nga ba ang kaya ko? Kaya ko na bang kumain ng apoy? Baka ako pa ang kainin nito, mahirap na, minsan nakakalimot ako mag-ingat. Iniisip ko, marunong din bang masaktan ang apoy? Kung nabuhusan ba ito ng tubig, pareho kaya ang sakit na nararamdaman nito kapag ito ay nakakapaso ng iba? Saka, di naman ako tubig, isa din akong apoy, di nga lang kasing init, di lang nagliliyab tulad niya. Hindi ko sinusunog ang nasa paligid ko, at hindi ko din sila pinapaso, kasi hindi ko sila binibigyan ng pagkakataon makalapit. Kahit kaunting init, di nila mararamdaman, dahil may bakod ako na nakapaligid para siguradong tama lang ang layo nila, sapat para di nila malaman ang tinatagong anyo at pagkatao. Hindi naman talaga sikreto pero hindi din para sa kaalaman ng lahat ng tao. Pero kung apoy din ako, di ba ibig sabihin nun ay hindi ako masusunog? Di ko alam, di ko pa nasubukan makipag tagisan ng init sa isa pang apoy. Ang tingin ko, magiging isa ang dalawa, at pag nangyari yun, ang isa ang lalamon sa isa. Isang apoy lang ang maiiwan na nagbabaga, mawawala na ang pagkatao ng isa. Malamang ayoko na ako ang malamon. At ayaw ko din syang mawala. Ewan, mahirap. Kaya siguro mas tingin ko dapat lang magkaroon ng distansya.

Sa ngayon, may naisip akong paraan para makampante ang iba. Kung ano man iyon, sa akin na lang iyon. Malalaman na lang pag kinailangan ng isagawa. Hindi nila kailangan mangamba, pwede nilang kalimutan ang takot sa ngayon. Ako ay magbabantay na lang, siguraduhing wala syang masunog. Hindi ko sya susubukan gawing maamo, di bagay sa kanya. Sa ngayon, tatalasan ko na lang ang aking pakiramdam, bubuksan ang aking mga mata, upang makasigurado na wala syang magawang masama o anumang bagay na makakasira sa kanya.


Tuesday, February 27, 2007

Ewan Ko Ba 

haay, estong ang tanga mo talaga. yan na lang lagi ang sabi nila. bakit? lagi ko na lang kasi pinapalampas ang mga bagay na dapat ay di ko na pinakakawalan. nasa harap ko na daw, ang gagawin ko lang ay abutin, at akin na akin na. pero yun nga ang problema. minsan sobrang gusto mo ang isang bagay, parang nabubulag ka na. kaya minsan nagdududa kung ano ba dapat ang gawin. minsan naman, aabutin mo na nga lang, napapaisip pa, oras na ba? gusto ko ba talaga?

kaya ako nagmumukhang engot. kasi nag-iisip ako. nagdadalawang isip ako, gusto ko makasiguro. kahit alam ko na nasa harap ko na ang matagal ko na hinahanap, nakukuha ko pang itanong kung ito ba talaga ang gusto ko mangyari. ayun na eh, ano pa hinihintay ko? totoo bang ito ang gusto ko? kasi ayoko magsisi pagkatapos. pero pano kung yun na nga yun at pinakawalan ko pa, di ba magsisisi din ako? ewan. takot lang ba ako? may tinatakasan? ewan.

sa tuwing ginagawa ko yun, tuwing pinapalampas ko ang pagkakataon, lagi namang tama ang desisyon. nalalaman ko paglipas ng panahon, na kung kinuha ko noon ang pagkakataon, hindi din magtatagal at malalagay ako sa sitwasyong walang pinagkaiba sa sitwasyon ko ngayon. pero kahit ganun kahit papaano naging masaya ako kung di ko pinalampas. tama, pero naging mas miserable din. tipong mas matinding saya at lungkot ang dulot ng pagkakataong yun. kaya kahit papaano, sa pananaw ko, pantay lang. walang dapat pagsisisihan. ganun nga ba? o sinasabi ko lang yun para wag sumama ang loob ko? di ko alam.

dragonball evolution

as promised, i watched dragonball evolution. and it sucked. it really, really sucked. normally, the hot chicks in the movie would make it bearable but i havent been myself lately. so the hot chicks didnt make the movie worth watching at all. the entire movie was a complete waste of time. but i finished the movie, not because im hoping that it might get better (after seeing the trailer, i knew it will suck really bad), but because i promised myself i was going to see it. the movie wasnt even enjoyable at all. it was stupid. im not even sure which is better, dragonball or pathfinder. i would go for dragonball because of the hot chicks. 

creepy

i always forget that one can go online on yahoo messenger through yahoomail.

i always use the s.a. yahoo id whenever i use YM. and while online as s.a., i check my other yahoo mail accounts. and there is this one yahoo mail account which is always online on YM through yahoomail. and that account is part of my friends list in the s.a. yahoo id. so whenever i check my emails in that account, i get that creepy feeling because im online as s.a. and i see myself going online as another yahoo id user. when it happened the first time i was puzzled who was using my account. then i saw that i was online through yahoomail. 

it just creeped me out to see myself go online while online as another user. its like i thought im having multiple personalities for real. 

i want to fast forward to the end of april

its been 2 months and a week since ive been sick! crap. at least now i just have a cold. the cough started sometime around the first week of february. two weeks later, something went wrong with my digestive system (dont know which organ specifically, could be my stomach, could be my intestines). then my kidney area also started aching. it was a physically painful 2 months. mostly coughing and chest pains. i also had to "read a magazine" more often than i should (lasted for a month! a month!). it was really disrupting my daily activities. 

and things got worse when march started. i was really, really busy. i dont even sleep the usual 8 hours. there are times that im just on autopilot. march is really a blur to me although i know i was doing a lot of stuff during that month.

then i got addicted to the stupid mafia wars game. still addicted though. i need to stop the addiction! 

when april kicked in, i just had a feeling something bad is about to happen. not sure if it already happened though. i still have a feeling something will happen. but this time im not sure if its good or bad. i think its a bit bad but im not as certain as before. it could be my mind is clouded right now so im having a hard time sensing what will happen. for some reason, since sunday, it is as if my sense of foresight suddenly disappeared. its like i went blind for some reason.

now, i have this academic concern i need to attend to but since its the holy week, i will have to go back to school on monday. tomorrow, i will be the designated driver for the visita iglesia and then go montalban after to stay there until sunday.

what im trying to say...nothing really. im just saying that ive been busy, in physical pain for quite some time and im getting my old life back. but like a friend's husband said to me, it wont be the same. 

april's fool

i have a bad feeling about the month of april. if there is one word i feel would describe april 2009, it would be malevolent. i dont know why but i just feel that this month is up to no good. 

WTF!!!

150 unread emails! thats how busy ive been lately. i check my email addresses (at least 3 of them) everyday, but i dont have time to read all of them. so my yahoomail's inbox, the busiest one, reached 150 unread emails. fortunately, my two gmail accounts were easier to handle. 

the reason im making a big fuss out of this is because i hate seeing more than 10 unread emails in my inbox (so seeing the unread emails accumulate over the course of the week just made me more furious each time i check my email and i dont have the time to read them). thats why i have more than one email address. so the unread emails in my email inbox wont pile up. i hate seeing a lot of unread emails! i just hate it! really, really hate it! the same way i dont like seeing other people's inboxes with hundreds even thousands of unread email. i dont know why i hate a lot of unread emails, i just dont like it. so now, im trying to read most of them (because not all of them are worth reading)

Tristan...

is addicted to facebook

is a mafia wars addict

is listening to the Every Second Counts album by Plain White T's and likes what he hears

wants to have a heart attack...seriously

is in Marvin the Paranoid Android mode

needs to study because its the finals period

needs to finish some OLA stuff

just had his last hearing for OLA yesterday

found out that he likes to wear a suit and is thinking when he could wear it again. haha.

would like to watch a movie but unfortunately everyone's busy

might not go to class later because he has lots of stuff to do

just said "yeah right!"

hasnt been blogging lately

hasnt been craving for food lately

is really messed up for quite some time now and quite some time means 2 months

misses his heart of darkness

might be an emo and is just starting to realize it. haha

needs some endorphins

has been suffering from really, really violent mood swings

is paranoid and crazy

is in physical pain for more than a week now

has been sleeping a lot lately

is thinking of what he could do this coming saturday night because he hates lame saturday nights at home

should stop wasting his time and study instead

just doesnt care anymore

wants to hate again...but couldnt

is a masochist for sticking like glue to something that hurts a lot

should really be studying

wants coffee to condition his mind to study

has to leave for school by 12noon to meet someone for law and envi class

has been making nowhere plans since friday and therefore he is the nowhere man

wants to write a decent blog entry for a change

just thought of a good story this morning and is contemplating whether he will finally start writing short stories

should be posting these status messages on facebook and not on blogger

misses his college blockmates and will miss his law school blockmates

cant wait for the next How I Met Your Mother episode

should really stop writing "status messages" because he needs to leave by 12 noon

is going bonkers

has been doing crazy stuff lately...out of boredom?

is really suffering from crazy mood swings because he just went from depressed to happy in a split second for no reason at all

has been avoiding the doctor for weeks now because he doesnt want to know if he is seriously ill or something

could be dying but he sort of heard that before so it doesnt really matter and he doesnt really care

most likely wont die soon because he is an "evil grass". hahahaha

might live a long and painful life which will end in a long and painful death

might live a short life and death would be a sweet escape

should really just study

just realized that he has been taking a break from greatness for five years now

wishes he could easily move on the same way he did with the eheads

still wants a Cupid's Tommy Gun

needs to sort out a lot of stuff because life has been really serious lately

will end this entry with a quote from Nagato that got him thinking: "It is because we love that we sacrifice...and hate."

March Madness

I thought i was going to be busy until March 16. i was wrong. i just found out earlier that i will be busy until the semester ends. WTF!!!! crap. so, a month filled with sleepless nights coming up? could be. what im sure of is that i will need coffee. lots and lots of coffee. so, all work and no play? not really. the play part should be scheduled. actually, its already scheduled. crap. thats no fun at all. this is going to be one insanely stressful month. 

Kayoiau kokoro

Mijika ni arumono
Tsune ni ki wo tsuketeinai to
Amari ni chikasugite
Miushinatteshimaisou

Anata ga saikin taiken shita
Shiawase wa ittai nan desuka...

Tada sore dake no koto ga
Kiseki da to kizuku...

You know the closer you get to something
The tougher it is to see it
And I'll never take it for granted...

Oitsuzuketekita yume...

Hitonigiri no yuuki wo mune ni
Ashita wo ikinuku tame ni
And I'll never take it for granted
Let's go

w...i...e...r...d...weird!

after blogging about the PDA not functioning, i gave it another try, meaning i tried plugging it and see if it will recharge itself. and it did! weird. ive been trying to "fix" it for weeks and after posting an entry (below) that it's inability to function is making my life difficult, it suddenly came back to life. is the universe reading my blog? if it is, why do i have to put my complaints in writing before the universe does something about it?

another weird thing happened yesterday, i changed my phone's ringtone. i got tired of hearing "shake yer head" every time i receive a text message. and lately my text life has been very active (my text life hasn't been this active since the first quarter of 2006). anyway, so i changed it yesterday. and while i was hanging out with some blockmates somewhere in UP, i heard my ringtone in someone else's phone. and that someone was some pretty chick sitting behind me which i remember seeing because when i arrived in that coffee place, she was really someone who will catch most guy's attention. what made it so weird was not only that i recently changed my phone's ringtone and that we have exactly the same ringtone (and i mean exactly the same), but the fact that i make my own ringtones. i dont download them, i make my own ringtones. i edit mp3s and convert them into ringtones for my phone (i even create my own "remix" version of some songs). so i wasnt expecting to hear someone with the same ringtone. but then again, the portion of the song i used for the ringtone is somewhat "common" so i guess it shouldnt be that weird. anyway, it just felt so weird yesterday. 

life has been very weird lately. incredibly weird. 

i need a secretary!

i think my soulmate is someone who will act as my secretary...anyway...

my cousin's PDA is not charging! and its been 2 weeks! maybe even 3. and im having a hard time sticking to plans and doing tasks because i dont know how to create a schedule without the PDA. im so dependent on it. damn it. it has to break down when i need it the most. what makes it worse is that i dont have the time to have it fixed. and the money too. eheads concert is lurking just around the corner. 

i have OLA stuff to do, clients to contact, backlogs to read, a long quiz by next week, digests to write, codals to read to prepare for the final exams, extracurricular stuff, family stuff, decision to make which means i need time to deliberate on it, etc. and all of them are just in my head arranged in no particular order, swirling in the most unorganized way possible. to think one small gadget can have all these laid out so neatly in an easy to follow systematic plan. crap. i hate getting too attached to something. which reminds me of what my professor this sem said, one should never get too attached because of change. since the only thing constant in life is change, if you get too attached to something and change enters the picture, the pain that it brings is just unimaginable. its depressing to see the thing, after getting too attached to it, be lost or be changed forever. it is something worth taking into consideration. but i think the better approach is allow yourself to get attached even to the point its like really giving everything, just dont think it will be forever or it will last long. dont plan too far ahead, dont think too much, just live in the present. but then again, that would be silly since if it ends, it may not hurt as much but it will still cause some sort of disarray. i dont know. i havent been processing thoughts in my head lately. 

Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger

this is what i have to be. i need to be some kind of machine. to have my brain functioning in its optimal level. my brain is there but its not giving me the amount of focus i need right now. 

i need to get my focus back, restore the intense concentration i had last semester. ever since this sem started, sort of lost my groove and ever since last week, i just went haywire. 

i hope coffee has an ingredient that helps a person focus and not just stimulates the brain...

just for this week, in addition to my classes and OLA duty, i have a midterm exam, a class report, a class project, meeting, an important trip to antipolo RTC (not a hearing, need to talk to the PAO), phone calls to make, miscellaneous stuff to do and if i still have free time, do some research for my research paper and write some digests. just for this week. i really need to have all these done before february comes. im still feeling superstitious that february has a unpleasant surprise for me. 

Take it and Hit it Fred! Come on!

Debbie Gibson's Electric Youth Music Video and Robin Sparkle's Let's Go to the Mall Music Video

ersatz existence

the best things in life are free. and they remain to be free. but with the kind of lives we have, with the way we are being conditioned by modern lifestyle and modern thinking, the way modern society is set-up, the kind of norms and values we allow ourselves to conform and get accustomed to, the priorities our leaders have, the best things in life have become hard to find or inconvenient to access. or maybe even difficult to recognize for some of us. we have to go out of our way, or exert some extra effort in order to enjoy the best things in life. so we are somewhat forced to settle for alternatives to the best things in life even if we have to pay for it. or our idea of the best things in life are distorted to further perpetuate the current order of things. happiness now has a price. so does convenience and comfort which can be ridiculously expensive. our idea of having a decent life has become unnecessarily complicated because of the kind of stuff we are conditioned to appreciate in order to enjoy life. 

life should be simple and free, not artifical and costly. but in our modern world, its a struggle for most of us to go for these so called best things in life. our needs remain to be biologically basic but our wants have grown to be complicated and sometimes absurdly twisted.

again, im writing about something thats supposed to be obvious.

Eheads reunion concert part 2

According to philstar.com, its been confirmed that there will be another Eraserheads Reunion Concert set on March 07, 2009, Saturday (click here to read the article). 

Im not as excited as the time i heard that there will be an Eheads reunion concert last august 30. and when i heard that one, i was really doubtful and wanted to hear it from some reliable source. but when it was confirmed, my reaction then was like "holy crap! its really going to happen!"

my reaction now when i read this piece of information was: "wow, really?"

maybe because i cant forget how the first concert ended and i dont want this one to be a repeat of that. i mean, i hope this 2nd reunion concert (or part 2 since its the continuation of the first if you dont want to consider it as a 2nd reunion concert) sticks to being purely about music and people rocking to what i consider as the greatest band of my time. no drama whatsoever.

of course im happy there's a part 2, that they will finish what they started. the fact that they decided to do this is already a very big thing to all eheads fans or maybe even to the local music industry. maybe even beyond the local music industry. i just hope this one ends well and when i say ends well, i just dont mean about the concert but also to the Eheads. 

new mcdonalds commercial

youtube link: click here

what i like about this commercial (aside from its a mcdonalds commercial):

the 80s kids (the outfit of the little girl reminds me of robin sparkles and debbie gibson's electric youth music video), it makes use of an eheads song as its theme song, the theme song is Ang Huling El Bimbo (which is an entirely different matter from simply using an eheads song. the song has some special significance to me), the grown up version of the girl and lastly, the story






tuwing pumupunta ako dito, naalala ko ang lahat.
parang kahapon lang...

parang ang tagal na naming magkakilala...

yung mga gusto ko gusto rin nya...

tapos biglang...

at kahit hindi rin naging kami sa huli...

siya pa rin ang first love ko

movie list for 2009

Here's a bunch of movies im interested to see this year. i will probably watch half of them on the big screen, rent most of the remaining movies i didn't get to see and forget one or two because i have no idea why i was interested to see it in the first place (like Meet Dave from my last year's list of movies for 2008)


1. Astro Boy (October; Freddie Highmore, Kristen Bell, Bill Nighy)
Set in futuristic Metro City, Astro Boy is about a young robot with incredible powers created by a brilliant scientist in the image of the son he has lost. Unable to fulfill the grieving man's expectations, our hero embarks on a journey in search of acceptance, experiencing betrayal and a netherworld of robot gladiators, before he returns to save Metro City and reconcile with the father who had rejected him. 

Why Im Going to Watch it: Cmon, its Astro Boy. I dont know if the movie sucks or not but im still going to watch it anyway...or at least rent it.

2. Angels and Demons (May; Tom Hanks, Ayelet Zurer, Ewan McGregor)
Harvard symbologist Robert Langdon (Tom Hanks) finds himself in Rome, where he has to race against time to prevent the Illuminati, a secret society, from putting in motion a terrorist act that could destroy the Vatican. He's aided in his quest by the beautiful Italian scientist Vittoria Vetri (Ayelet Zurer)

Why Im Going to Watch it: I dont know. i liked The Da Vinci Code, so why not. 

3. Lesbian Vampire Killers (March; MyAnna Buring, Silvia Colloca, Vera Filatova, Ashley Mulheron, Louise Dylan
Their women having been enslaved by the local pack of lesbian vampires thanks to an ancient curse, the remaining menfolk of a rural Welsh town send two hapless young lads out onto the moors as a sacrifice

Why Im Going to Watch it: The title just caught my attention...and the cast. im going to rent this for sure. 

4. Bruno (May 2009; Sacha Baron Cohen )
Flamboyant Austrian fashion reporter Bruno (Cohen) travels the world in search of the latest style trends.

Why Im Going to Watch it: Didnt like Borat as much as people did but it was a nice movie. i expect this movie to be the same. and im going to rent this too because i dont feel like watching this on the big screen.

5. Coraline (Feb 2009; Dakota Fanning, Teri Hatcher, John Hodgman)
A young girl (Fanning) walks through a secret door in her new home and discovers an alternate version of her life. On the surface, this parallel reality is eerily similar to her real life – only much better. But when her adventure turns dangerous, and her counterfeit parents (including Other Mother [Hatcher]) try to keep her forever, Coraline must count on her resourcefulness, determination, and bravery to get back home – and save her family.

Why Im Going to Watch it: Neil Gaiman

6. Prince of Persia: Sands of Time (July; Jake Gyllenhaal, Ben Kingsley, Gemma Arterton, Alfred Molina, )

Why Im Going to Watch it: its based on a video game

7. Ripley's Believe it or Not (Jim Carrey, Gong Li)
 
Why Im Going to Watch it: Gong Li

8. Dragonball: Evolution (April; Justin Chatwin, James Marsters, Yun-Fat Chow)
Upon discovering he was sent to Earth to carrying out a sinister plan, a humanoid alien named Goku (Chatwin) looks to fulfill his dying grandfather's wish: Prevent the evil Piccolo (Marsters) and his alien forces from collecting seven mystical artifacts which would allow him to take over our planet. In order to fend off the attackers, Goku must find Master Roshi (Chow), who is the one person who can set him on the right path.

Why Im Going to Watch it: Saw the trailer and it sucked!!! really sucked. but im going to watch it anyway on video. or maybe on the bigscreen if im feeling masochistic enough.

9. Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun Li (Feb 2009; Kristin Kreuk, Neal McDonough, Michael Clarke Duncan )
Interpol agent Chun-Li (Kreuk) enters an underground fighting tournament, with her eyes set on M. Bison (McDonough), the contest's founder and leader of a crime syndicate who may have been responsible for the death of Chun-Li's father.

Why Im Going to Watch it: Aside from its a Street Fighter movie, because of Kristin Kreuk

10. Fast & Furious (April; Vin Diesel, Paul Walker, Michelle Rodriguez; Jordana Brewster)
The feud between ex-con Dominic Toretto (Diesel) and agent Brian O'Connor (Walker) is reignited back in Los Angeles, where a crime has pitted the two men against one another yet again. However, when they realize they have a common enemy, they put their past behind them and unite to stick it to their foe.

Why Im Going to Watch it: Aside from the fast cars...Jordana Brewster.

11. Terminator Salvation: The Future Begins (May; Christian Bale, Sam Worthington, Anton Yelchin)
John Connor (Bale) is joined in his attempt to defeat Skynet and its army of Terminators by Marcus Wright (Worthington), a man who apparently has been rescued from the past, though Connor wonders if instead he's been sent from the future as a foil to his plan. As Connor and Wright push deep into the heart of Skynet, they get closer and closer to learning the secret behind the organization's mission to wipe humankind off the planet.

Why Im Going to Watch it: Its a Terminator movie (even if T2 is the only movie i really liked)

12. Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (June; Shia LaBeouf, Megan Fox, Josh Duhamel)
Decepticon forces return to Earth on a mission to take Sam Witwicky prisoner, after the young hero learns the truth about the ancient origins of the Transformers. Joining the mission to protect humankind is Optimus Prime, who forms an alliance with international armies for a second epic battle.

Why Im Going to Watch it: Do i even have to say why? its not only because of Megan Fox. definitely going to see this on the big screen no matter what!

13. G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra (August; Brendan Fraser, Channing Tatum, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Sienna Miller)
An elite military unit comprised of special operatives known as G.I. Joe, operating out of The Pit, takes on an evil organization led by a notorious arms dealer

Why Im Going to Watch it: Dont know if this movie will be nearly as good as the Transformers movie but i dont think it will suck as bad as Dragonball so i think this is worth watching on the big screen.

14. Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince (July; Daniel Radcliffe, Emma Watson, Rupert Grint)
In his sixth year at Hogwarts, Harry Potter discovers even more about the evil Lord Voldemort's past, thanks to his mentor Dumbledore and mysterious textbook marked "This book is the property of the Half-Blood Prince." By the end of the year, nothing will ever be the same.

Why Im Going to Watch it: its a Harry Potter movie

15. The Horsemen (March; Dennis Quaid, Ziyi Zhang)
A recently widowed detective still grieving over his wife's death discovers a shocking connection between himself and the suspects in a serial killing spree linked to the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse.

Why Im Going to Watch it: Ziyi Zhang

16. Underworld: Rise of the Lycans (jan 2009; Rhona Mitra, Michael Sheen, Bill Nighy)
A look at how the werewolf named Lucian (Sheen) led an uprising against an aristocratic vampire sect -- a revolt that will mark the beginning of a centuries-old war between the two races.

Why Im Going to Watch it: Just curious. maybe Rhona Mitra is ok, but i think this movie isnt the same without Kate Beckinsale.

17. The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus (Heath Ledger, Christopher Plummer, Tom Waits, Lily Cole, Andrew Garfield, Verne Troyer)

Why Im Going to Watch it: interesting plot

18. X-Men Origins: Wolverine (May; Hugh Jackman, Liev Schreiber, Ryan Reynolds)
An origins story that follows the early life of James Howlett (Jackman), also known as Logan, and best known as Wolverine. The chronicle of his younger years as a mutant connects to his relationship and eventual falling out with Victor Creed/Sabretooth (Schreiber), and his fateful entry into the Weapons X project, the governmental program that turns willing and unwilling beings into living weapons.

Why Im Going to Watch it: its a marvel comics film. and its wolverine

19. The Uninvited (Jan 2009; Emily Browning, Arielle Kebbel, Elizabeth Banks)
After her mother's death and her subsequent hospital stay, Anna Rydell (Browning) returns home to be with her sister (Krebbel) and her father (Strathairn), who has become engaged to Rachel (Banks), her mother's former nurse. During her first night back, Anna is visited by her mother's ghost, who reveals that the new woman in her father's life is not who she pretends to be, leading to a fateful confrontation between the women of the house.

Why Im Going to Watch it: just curious. 

20. He's Just Not That Into You (Feb 2009; Ginnifer Goodwin, Jennifer Aniston, Jennifer Connelly, Scarlett Johansson, Drew Barrymore)
The Baltimore-set movie of interconnecting story arcs deals with the challenges of reading or misreading human behavior

Why Im Going to Watch it: the cast. 

21. Fanboys (Feb 2009; Dan Fogler, Jay Baruchel, Kristen Bell, Sam Huntington, Chris Marquette)
Four guys and their galpal plan a cross-country trip in order to steal a print of Star Wars: Episode I -- The Phantom Menace from Skywalker Ranch so their dying friend can see it before its world premiere.

Why Im Going to Watch it: its geeky

22. The International (Feb 2009; Clive Owen, Naomi Watts, Armin Mueller-Stahl)
Interpol Agent Louis Salinger (Clive Owen) and Manhattan Assistant District Attorney Eleanor Whitman (Naomi Watts) pool their resources in an attempt to break up an international arms dealing ring financed by a high-profile bank.

Why Im Going to Watch it: aside from Naomi Watts...the plot isnt that bad.

23. Youth in Revolt (2009; Michael Cera, Portia Doubleday, Ray Liotta)
Like most teens, young Nick Twisp (Cera) is ruled by his libido. And from the recesses of a trailer park in Northern California, Twisp concocts a plan -- make that multiple schemes -- to lose his virginity to a local girl, the precocious Sheeni Saunders (Doubleday).

Why Im Going to Watch it: it looks like another one of them idiotic comedies.

24. Watchmen (March 2009; Jackie Earle Haley, Patrick Wilson, Carla Gugino)
Set in an alternate vision of the year 1985, the murder of an ex-superhero causes a vigilante named Rorshach (Haley) to look into the matter, an investigation that reunites him with his surviving old colleagues -- all of them former superheroes themselves -- and gradually unveils a conspiracy with links to their shared past and catastrophic consequences for the future.

Why Im Going to Watch it: carla gugino...and its a superhero movie

25. Sunshine Cleaning (Mar 2009; Amy Adams, Emily Blunt, Alan Arkin)
Industrious single mother Rose Lorkowski (Adams) starts an unusual business in order to send her son to a private school; alongside her unreliable sister (Blunt), the two women enter the world of biohazard removal and crime scene clean-ups.

Why Im Going to Watch it: emily blunt and the plot's interesting too

26. I Love You, Man (Mar 2009; Paul Rudd, Jason Segel, Rashida Jones)
Friendless Peter Klaven (Rudd) goes on a series of man-dates to find a Best Man for his wedding. But when his insta-bond his new B.F.F.(Segel) puts a strain on his relationship with his fiancée (Jones) can the trio learn to live happily ever after?

Why Im Going to Watch it: after seeing Forgetting Sarah Marshall (and being addicted to HIMYM), im going to see this movie just because Jason Segel's in it. like when i watched movies just because Will Ferrell was in it. 

27. Monsters v Aliens (Mar 2009; Seth Rogen, Reese Witherspoon, Paul Rudd)
When a meteorite from outer space hits a young California girl named Susan Murphy and turns her into a giant monster, she is taken to a secret government compound where she meets a ragtag group of monsters also rounded up over the years. As a last resort, under the guidance of General W.R. Monger, on a desperate order from The President, the motley crew of Monsters is called into action to combat the aliens and save the world from imminent destruction! 

Why Im Going to Watch it: i need to see an animated movie from time to time. and Reese Witherspoon's voice is in it.

28. The Ugly Truth (April 2009; Katherine Heigl, Gerard Butler)
A macho morning TV show correspondent (Butler) makes a bet with his love-challenged producer (Heigl): If his tips on how to land and keep a guy don't work, he'll quit the business. But while he coaches her through a fledgling romance, can he avoid falling for her, and vice versa?

Why Im Going to Watch it: just curious. 

29. The Year One (June; Jack Black, Michael Cera, Olivia Wilde)
 When a couple of lazy hunter-gatherers (Black and Cera) are banished from their primitive village, they set off on an epic journey through the ancient world

Why Im Going to Watch it: Jack Black and Olivia Wilde

30. Public Enemies (July; Christian Bale, Johnny Depp, Emilie de Ravin)
FBI agent Melvin Purvis (Bale) sets his sights on American gangster John Dillinger (Depp) and others in an attempt to curb a rampant Chicago crime spree during the 1930s.

Why Im Going to Watch it: Gangster movie

31. Funny People (July; Adam Sandler, Seth Rogen, Leslie Mann)
When seasoned comedian George Simmons (Sandler) learns of his terminal, inoperable health condition, his desire to form a genuine friendship inspires him to take a relatively green performer (Rogen) under his wing as his opening act.

Why Im Going to Watch it: Adam Sandler movie. 

death is a once in a lifetime experience

why are some people so afraid of death? i honestly dont get it. sure there's the fear of the unknown but there are just some people who are really afraid of death. they will cling on to life no matter what, even if that is the last thing they do. 

i understand that life is supposed to be this great thing that most people would find hard to let go but that doesnt mean death is the opposite (like the worst thing that could happen to a person). the way i see it, the worst that could happen is one would cease to exist. actually that's death in its simplest sense. no afterlife whatsoever, just the termination of all bodily functions. what's so wrong with that? its not that things would matter after i cease to exist. im dead. i wont be able to feel or think or worry about anything. no pain, no sorrow. its finally resting in peace. isnt that good? 

even if things are going my way or if i really have a great life, i dont think i will cling to life like other people do. i will try to live (since its hard give up a great life) but if clinging to life would make me miserable (or useless or make life meaningless), then i will stop trying to survive and welcome death instead. whats the purpose of life if rejecting death will force a person to live a life of fear? well, if thats what works for them, so be it. but taunting death is much better. of course taunting death without putting one's life to waste and/or ruin. i believe death is never unreasonable. 

the dog of Pavlov

what could i say about 2008? well, i would say its a good year. not happy, but good. i became really serious and focused when it comes to academic stuff. actually, thats what the year is mostly about, my school life. i placed everything else on hold. or for those stuff i cant put on hold, i let go, unfortunately. 

i was able to complete one full year of "committing" to the single life. sure ive been single my entire life but when i meant committing to the single life, i really mean "single and not looking and will never be interested to look" kind of single (its like switching into a stone cold prick living on an island shouting "leave me alone" whenever a creature that looks like a relationship pops up). no silly text mates, no "fraudulent machinations", no mixed signals schemes, no intimate non-sexual interaction, and no voluntarily entertaining any thought that would go against the single life im committing to (because i dont have full control of my subconscious. dreams of me having a non-single future is becoming more frequent). if i could only make this a subject of a wager, this would be much easier. well, not really. im not a good gambler. 

i also spent the year thinking about what i will do in the next few years. no concrete plan yet but a few plans are taking shape. more than a year ago, my life had no direction (or so it seems). im a leaf being blown by the wind. not really. i was aimless but not necessarily carefree.

what else happened this year? well, a college blockmate got married (and eventually got pregnant), had an impacted tooth removed, some of my college blockmates took the Philippine Bar exams, had my kinky story read on air by the "swiss miss" on the BrewRATs radio show (the night before a midterm exam), attended my first court hearing (not as a lawyer but as a law student), my cousin gave me her iPaq (very thankful for it but i realized that i became too dependent on it that when it malfunctioned, my life was "derailed" a bit), had back to back semesters with 20 units each, became an OLA Teamleader (which means that i cant be a lazy ass), the eraserheads had their reunion concert (goosebumps all over when i heard the first few lines of the first song sung), realized that i love ateneo after all, i adore audrey hepburn, my cousin and her family went to the US (and will stay there until my niece finishes high school. i think), learned that i will not graduate on march 2009, august remains to be a pain in the neck, had an interesting birthday, turned 25, my father retired, i became more cruel, arrogant, harsh, demanding and temperamental (side effect of being in serious mode, i feel like im in a position to lecture others on how they should live their life), got hooked on HIMYM (which made me realize im not part of a "sitcom" at the moment), and lastly, had a wonderful december because i think it was the month of the year where i was able to socialize the most (because i spent the other 11 months saying no to any form of social gathering or finding an excuse not to attend). 

i gained a lot of stuff this year. not what i wanted but its a gain nonetheless. its focusing on what i think i need and ignoring what i truly want (well, thats what ive been doing all these years but this year, i took it two levels higher). thats why 2008 is a good year but not really a happy one.

i think this year is also about proving to myself what im capable of. of course, im not satisfied. i saw that though i was able to improve myself emotionally and mentally, i completely neglected the physical aspect of myself which became a problematic limitation.

as for next year, im thinking of going for "i dont want to survive, i want to live" theme. i still have two days to think it over. i want to make sure that the "training" i underwent this year will not go to waste if i decide to "let go and simply live". ive never been a fan of life since 1997. 

Sabrina sizzles to steal a holiday

I like to think of life as a limousine. Though we are all riding together we must remember our places. There is a front seat and a back seat and a window in between. - Thomas Fairchild

Democracy can be a wickedly unfair thing...Nobody poor was ever called democratic for marrying somebody rich. - Thomas Fairchild

Actually, depravity can be terribly boring if you don't smoke or drink. - Gabrielle Simpson

Watch for normal human reactions! - Simon Dermott

If I were dead and buried, and I heard your voice,
Beneath the sod my heart of dust would still rejoice. - Princess Ann

checklist

before i start another list for my new year's resolution for 2009, im going to check first if i was able to accomplish the stuff in my new year's resolution this year. 

Stuff i was able to do: 
Read some fine books 
Show some emotion. positive emotion.  
Surprise yourself  
Face one's fears 
Cherish sweet memories 
Be nice to doctors 
Study harder 
have a sense of discipline. 
focus.  
be friendly or be nice 

Stuff i wasnt able to do: 
Have a year filled with magic, dreams and good madness.  
Make some art. Draw, build or sing. 
Love is rare, grab it and love truly 
Exercise 

Stuff im not quite sure if i was able to do or not: 
Write 
Live as only you can. 
Be thankful 
Never regret anything...that made you smile 

so the score is...10-4-4. not bad. not that good. but not bad. so i will just carry over the last 8 stuff and try to accomplish it this year. 

as for the movies i wanted to watch this year: 

i was able to watch 12 movies (out of the 26 from the list): 
The Incredible Hulk 
Iron Man 
Meet the Spartans 
The Dark Knight 
Jumper 
Semi-pro 
Forgetting Sarah Marshall 
Wall-E 
Speedracer. 
Hellboy II: The Golden Army 
Hancock 
Teeth  

i didnt get to watch 14 movies: 
You Don't Mess with the Zohan (going to rent it) 
The Love Guru (going to rent it) 
Penelope (going to rent it if available) 
Be Kind Rewind (going to rent it if available) 
Horton Hears a Who! (going to rent it) 
Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street 
Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince (going to watch it next year) 
Mamma Mia (going to rent it) 
Step Brothers (going to rent it if available) 
Starship Dave (cant believe this is in my list...wonder why) 
Baby Mama (going to rent it if available) 
Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (going to rent it) 
The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor (going to rent it) 
My Blueberry Nights (going to rent it if available)

december 24

its the twenty goddamn fourth of december! im tired. very, very tired. my feet hurts from all the walking inside the mall. im very sleepy because im really out of shape. i have no more money in my pocket. well, not totally empty but the amount is depressingly low. and i dont have an ounce of christmas spirit. the good thing about not feeling the christmas spirit is i wont feel bad no matter what happens on christmas day because for me, its just like any ordinary day. 

Professor Henry Higgins

   I'm an ordinary man, who desires nothing more than an ordinary chance, to live exactly as he likes, and do precisely what he wants. An average man am I, of no eccentric whim, who likes to live his life, free of strife, doing whatever he thinks is best, for him. Well, just an ordinary man. But let a woman in your life and your serenity is through, she'll redecorate your home, from the cellar to the dome, and then go on to the enthralling fun of overhauling you. Let a woman in your life, and you're up against a wall, make a plan and you will find, that she has something else in mind, and so rather than do either you do something else that neither likes at all. You want to talk of Keats and Milton, she only wants to talk of love. You go to see a play or ballet, and spend it searching for her glove. Let a woman in your life and you invite eternal strife. Let them buy their wedding bands for those anxious little hands. I'd be equally as willing for a dentist to be drilling than to ever let a woman in my life. 

 

   I'm a very gentle man, even tempered and good natured who you never hear complain, who has the milk of human kindness by the quart in every vein. A patient man am I, down to my fingertips, the sort who never could, ever would, let an insulting remark escape his lips. Very gentle man. But let a woman in your life, and patience hasn't got a chance, she will beg you for advice, your reply will be concise, and she will listen very nicely, and then go out and do exactly what she wants!!!  

  You are a man of grace and polish, who never spoke above a hush, all at once you're using language that would make a sailor blush, Let a woman in your life, and you're plunging in a knife. Let the others of my sex, tie the knot around their necks, I prefer a new edition of the Spanish Inquisition than to ever let a woman in my life.

   I'm a quiet living man, who prefers to spend the evening in the silence of his room, who likes an atmosphere as restful as an undiscovered tomb. A pensive man am I, of philosophical joys, who likes to meditate, contemplate, far for humanities mad inhuman noise. Quiet living man. But let a woman in your life, and your sabbatical is through, in a line that never ends comes an army of her friends, come to jabber and to chatter and to tell her what the matter is with YOU! She'll have a booming boisterous family, who will descend on you en mass, she'll have a large wagnarian mother, with a voice that shatters glass. Let a woman in your life. Let a woman in your life. Let a woman in your life. I shall never let a woman in my life.

i need to...

• buy a new chair because the one i have now is under the process of breaking down and its only a matter of time before it becomes completely unusable
• buy a new mp3 player because my mp3 player is defective and i would like to use my cellphone more as a phone than an mp3 player
• have my cousin's PDA fixed because its making my life difficult without it and i dont even know why it suddenly broke down
• drop by the QC Prosecutor's Office and look for a certain person to talk about something law related
• call the NLRC to ask for an update regarding one of my case's
• contact a couple of clients to update them on what's up with their cases
• do some more research on my paper
• finish my RRAF
• save some money to pay for some debts i got myself in due to boredom and stupidity
• do some window shopping even if crowded malls annoy me
• buy a ziplock plastic bag
• study, study, study even if it means being more serious and becoming less fun
• restore the focus i had last semester because compared to last semester, im taking it easy so i need to get my groove back
• make back-ups for the recent stuff stored in the PC and laptop
• read non-law books and the opinion section of the newspaper because my level of writing sucks

• 
  
  

i came, i saw, i won something for my ears

finally! last night, i drank 4.5 bottles of intoxicating liquid. gave up on the fifth bottle of beer because it was already warm. tried finishing it but i just cant. was able to consume only half of it. so 4.5. and i hate it when its all bubbly already. the reason for the consumption and intoxication was because i was at the embassy last night

how i ended up going to embassy is very similar to how i ended up in the eheads concert. it was last minute decision to go.

the party was set to start at 6pm and it was already past 4pm and i was still ticketless. when i finally bought one from kim, i was still unsure until 6pm came. i decided to go because one, i already have a ticket. two, im tired of having boring saturday nights (ive been wondering lately where my weekends went). three, i just felt like going which was weird because i really didnt want to go right from the beginning. ive never been to embassy but ive been to similar establishments. cant say i hate such places but i cant say i enjoy it enough that im willing to make it a habit or spend money to go to such places.

anyway, for the price of P250, i was able to consume 4.5 bottles of beer, hang out with law school blockmates, have a picture with some college blockmates and...(this is the best part)...win sennheiser earphones! oh yeah! haha. i would like to thank UP WINLAW for the earphones. and jason de guzman for telling me to go get them earphones. i had no intention to participate in the surprise contest. jason, who was unfortunately immobilized temporarily, wasnt able to go to the DJs booth to answer the question and claim the prize. so he told me to do it (participate in the contest). and thats how i ended up getting new earphones.

twelfth of november

there's something different tonight. as i walked home, somehow, it felt like there's a strange silence of some sort. its not the usual silence i hear whenever i walk home at night. a strange silence on a wednesday night, at around 10 pm. it felt like dangerous elements are roaming the streets tonight. i dont know. tonight just felt different. its like i wished i was indoors or at least somewhere i felt safe. but at 10 pm? i walk inside UP Campus at 1am and i feel safe. i went home at around 2am and passed by Agham road on a pedicab and i didnt feel worried. tonight just felt different. maybe im just tired. just had a four hour class which ended at 9pm and i have OLA duty tomorrow which starts at 8am. and i have lots of stuff to do tonight.

bookworm fred

I am such a “nerd”. I can’t go to ateneo to get my diploma but I can easily drop by because I have to go to the library and research. And I was really happy with the fact that I can do some research in the library. And when I inquired about the alumni card, my only concern was access to the Rizal library. The guy in the Alumni Association Office was telling me the benefits of the card like discounts and all I cared about was access to the library. I really don’t care whether it has other benefits aside from unlimited access to the library. Well, there’s a deposit needed for borrowing books but its refundable, the fact is, I can borrow books with the card. I need to check what it means to have the membership activated because it’s not really a library card. and how many times will i use the word library in this blog entry and the fact that i have access to it?

 I just felt good walking between shelves and shelves of books. There is the UP Law Library but ive grown accustomed to the way the books are arranged in the Rizal library. I just find it easier to conduct research in there. And it’s better lit. and the air conditioning of the Rizal library is much better. I guess I missed the Rizal library. Wow, of all the possible stuff to miss in ateneo, it’s the library I chose. 

I guess one of my blockmates was right to say i am the bookish type because I look like one and my other blockmate to say I am such a nerd because im always in the library. I mean I just went to ateneo to inquire about the library services I can avail of as an alumnus and to access the OPAC and see how much research material I can get in the library but I ended up browsing the books and actually taking down some notes which prevented me from going to the Marikina RTC as I earlier planned. Who gets pumped up by just going to a nice library? Not me, but almost. 

Its either im a nerd deep inside (I admit Im a geek but a nerd? im not quite sure) or the lack of alcohol is driving me nuts. I mean, I didn’t even take college that seriously back then and I just slept in the library. College for me wasn’t an intellectual pursuit or something like that. Well, I did read the assigned readings for Fr. David’s classes that I wasn’t taking and I went nuts on the books on Marxism, meaning i read a lot of stuff that weren’t required. Crap. Im a nerd in denial.

mostly about edible stuff

I ate in the cafeteria in Ateneo a while ago and I must say, they still have affordable meals. I had a…I cant remember what it was. Wow, it must have been an unmemorable meal. But what I do remember was it was cheap and it was decent. It’s something I could eat every other day or maybe everyday if I was short on cash (which is everyday recently). It cost me P70, well P79 because of the extra rice but that’s already inclusive of an “upsized” drink, more specifically iced tea. In Rodic’s, for P75 I would have 2 servings of rice but that does not include any drink. The cheapest and at the same time easily accessible place to eat (for me) in UP can cost as low as P50 but that doesn’t include any drink. So a meal with a drink plus extra serving of rice in the UP cafeteria im talking about would probably have the same price (P79) but im comparing it with the cafeteria in ateneo. I was expecting that I wont be able to buy a cheap meal in there. Its been four years so I thought the price of the meals have increased or wont be as cheap as the meals in UP. It may not be selling the tastiest meals but its still nice to know there are still those who have affordable and decent meals.

A lot of the stalls were closed a while ago so im not sure if the stall that sells quesadillas is still there. i always ate them quesadillas before the polsci class in faura. and sometimes during class, i step out as if i was going to the restroom but i was actually going to get myself a quick meal. i liked its salsa.  

I noticed this CLAYGO poster in the cafeteria. Its supposed to mean “clean as you go”. I think. And I tried doing that a while ago since that’s what we do in the UP Law Cafeteria and well, there was this guy who I think cleans the tables just told me that I don’t have to do the cleaning up. I guess the claygo thing only applies to meals in disposable containers. That’s still a good thing because it’s considerate to the next user of the table. I don’t remember doing that back in college. I just leave my mess after im done eating. 

I also noticed the vending machine in SEC still has Tofiluk and Safari. I always pick Safari whenever I want something sweet from that particular vending machine (the same way i always want a KitKat when i play billiards which i think was P8 back then, i dont know how much it is now). I also remember that I always picked cherry coke in the Soc Sci vending machine. I didn’t notice if it was still there and I doubt there’s still cherry coke in any of the vending machines inside the campus.  

I didnt get to drop by ISO. i would like to see what they are serving now. back in my freshman year, i think i tried all their sizzling plate meals. and during the latter college years, i always ordered their mongolian dish, with extra rice. and i always saw half of the chinita twins studying there. which reminds me of the chinita lady who asked me a while ago how to go to ateneo while i was waiting for a jeepney near romulo hall in UP. i just came from ateneo during that time and in all my years in UP, it was the first time someone asked me for directions on how to go to ateneo. and i think she's the second most attractive female stranger driver who asked me for directions. the most attractive was the dead ringer for bianca gonzales who also sounds like bianca gonzales asking for directions on how to go to the fine arts building. the only reason i think she was not bianca gonzales was because her cheeks werent as smooth. 

big, bad and blue...can be a description of a man's balls

The fact that Ateneo is very much alive in me doesn’t necessarily follow I am an Atenean. I still consider myself as a recipient of an Ateneo education or someone who went to that university in Katipunan with a Blue Eagle gym. That’s why I say I am not an Atenean. 

Being an Atenean, for me, is different. It’s more than just having a college degree from Ateneo. It’s more than being a man for others. It’s more than applying what the institution has taught. And it’s much more than being an avid supporter of its basketball team. To be an Atenean is to actually live a life that will make the institution proud to have educated such a person. That’s what being an Atenean is. The same goes for other universities. To call oneself as an alumnus or an alumna of a university, it’s not sufficient to be a recipient of a diploma from the university. It’s living the life the way the university shapes its students/graduates. Each university has a different approach, a different focus, a different way of shaping its students/graduates. Until they live the life that is in accord with the university’s purpose, the university’s reason to exist as an educational institution, I think they are merely recipients of the university’s educational style. In my case, I’m only an Atenean in paper due to the diploma I got a while ago. I don’t think im living a life that would entitle me to call myself as an Atenean. So, how should one live to be able to call one’s self an Atenean? Well, figure out first what those four years meant, what the university is shaping its students for and what they are supposed to do as members of society equipped with such an education. what i just wrote is bullshit that makes sense. 

Also, there’s another image of an Atenean. The not so good one. That also a reason why I don’t want to call myself an Atenean. That image is something that I openly attacked during high school and I was really pissed that I ended up in a school that produces such people. So I guess there are two types of Ateneans and im neither. 

something blue

Just went to Ateneo a while ago (if you’re an atenean and want to correct me that it should be “the ateneo”, I will say, “No i will not refer to it as “the ateneo”. i hate it. i hate it. i hate it. Im sorry but I just hate it. i dont know why there should be a "the". i do believe there is such a thing as school pride but calling ateneo as the ateneo really sounds stupid to me”). I went there to go to the Rizal library and do some research. I haven’t been there for years. I went back there after I graduated in 2004 but I don’t recall my most recent visit to the campus that I will forever call my college (well, until I give it a reason to disown me as its alumnus). One thing I learned a while ago is that I don’t miss the place. I don’t miss the school. Well, its physical aspect at least. Maybe not as much as most people would after four years from graduation. Eight semesters must mean something right? But I didn’t feel any nostalgic stuff while walking inside the campus. It’s because it felt like I didn’t even leave the place. It felt like I was there last week or maybe the other day. Not much has changed. There might be new buildings and a lot more benches (the place just screams the campus can never have too much benches) but the campus still looks and feels substantially the same, including the Ateneans that were in it. How can I miss a place that I feel that I never even left? 

Why do I feel like that? I guess Ateneo for me is like a beautiful lady that I am not afraid to lose. Why beautiful lady? Well, because it appears to me that everybody wants to be in Ateneo like every guy wants to be with a beautiful lady (or at least it’s the norm). Everyone who gets to be in Ateneo is proud to be in Ateneo, the same way that a guy with a beautiful lady is proud to be with a beautiful lady (Not sure if women think the same way, like they all want a handsome guy and proud to be with one). Anyway, after being with her for four years, I can push that beautiful lady away as much as I can, say the harshest things about that lady and not care what happens next because of my actions and words. And if I happen to lose that lady, I won’t care, I will move on and things will be fine. I don’t mind not having her for the rest of my life because it does not matter to me at all. Treat her as if she was a mistake that I’m happy to be done with. But deep inside I know as a fact that despite losing her, she has changed me forever and that no matter how far I push her, it’s undeniable that she will forever be a part of me. It won’t change the fact that she played an important part of my life because in those four years, she shaped me to be who I am now. I’m not being ungrateful by pushing her away because I do appreciate what she has done for me. It just so happens that things change and there will be stuff that can’t be kept. Like her. So I won’t mind losing her. So we go our separate ways and not see each other nor talk to each other. But even if that’s the case, despite the distance, physical and emotional, the bond that has been formed between us would remain. Due to this bond, it feels like she never left me, giving me no reason to miss her. It’s like she’s always there. And the bond will not disappear because it has made a deep mark in my life. 

So that’s how I see my college. I could openly rebuke the university that educated me and it won’t matter because the fact that I’m its graduate won’t make me less of an alumnus. I could move further away from it since there’s no point staying in the university because going back will never be the same. The good things about it are no longer there, like my blockmates and the memories I have with them. And since they’re no longer there, what’s left is just the physical part of the campus which is loveable but I love it less compared to the memories I have of it with my blockmates in it. No matter how long I stay away from such a glorious educational institution, I will always be contained in its records that i became part of it and its history, the same way that i will consider it as a part of me because its my one and only college. And being a part of me, I will not grow to miss it since it will always be with me. I always remember it whenever I criticize it, when I talk to other Ateneans, when I read about it in the papers or hear about its Ateneans in the news. How can I miss something that is very much alive in me almost every day? And I didn’t even realize that it’s very much alive in me until I walked inside the campus a while ago. Maybe a major overhaul of the landscape of the campus would change how I feel about it. That would make me feel that I have been gone for so long I can’t recognize it anymore and truly point out to me that I did leave.

mostly uneventful

just had a bad day. not august type of bad so it could have been worse but still a bad day.
 
the day started well. had a hearing and things seem to have went well. 

After the hearing i dropped by OLA, then I had lunch. In all the years ive been to Kha’s restaurant, 75% of the time, I ask for their lamb chops and 100% of the time they say its not available…until today. Even if I was expecting them to say its not available, I still asked and I was happy to be proven wrong. So I ordered lamb chops. Bad thing about it was that it wasn’t that good. Maybe I was expecting more or I was comparing it to the wrong restaurant (Circles. Now that I think about it, why would I compare Circles’ lamb chops to Kha’s’?). That’s one of the bad things that happened today, a disappointing meal. For P175 i would rather buy a Yoshi’s burger in Tokyo Café. Yoshi’s burger is the best burger ive had for the price of P165 and I like it more than a Double Whammy with Cheese of Wham Burgers which costs much more. But then again, maybe I should try Yoshi’s Burger when I no longer have a cold. Maybe my sense of taste is misleading me when i tried it. But I doubt it. If I could taste how good the burger is even if I have a cold, it only means its much better than what I think.
 
Anyway, the other bad thing that happened is that my bag strap was torn off when I was boarding a jeepney. Stupid jeep didn’t make a full stop so when I boarded, the momentum of my entry made my bag hit the ceiling of the jeepney and in the process tearing off the strap and making a hole from where the strap should be attached and giving my bag a forceful drop on the asphalt. Good thing my cellphones weren’t inside it. What made it bad was I was heading home and I just had a very tiring day doing the “ninja report” and organizing case files. What a way to end the day. Well, the day has not really ended but im heading there. 

My bad day isn’t really that bad. Well I would not want to call it the highlights of my day.

too serious to function

ive been studying for two weeks...straight! well, except for that one day where i did some OLA work and the latter half of saturday where i just slept in the library but the rest of the time was spent studying. and ive taken it too seriously that it took its toll a while ago when i woke up. i was a nervous wreck and my head was really a mess but i wanted to study. unfortunately i cant. my mind was just too messed up to function. and now, im forcing myself to procrastinate. because ive become too serious i refuse to take a break. sure i rest from time to time but im still to focused on studying that the needed distraction isnt really there. two days ago, i studied for hours despite the fact that i was already filling dizzy. so i endured the woozy feeling and just kept reading. its like being a man on a mission and i cant stop unless ive accomplished what needs to be done. now that im too focused, im trying to distract myself.

one step closer to the edge

im an extremist. last friday, had 2 finals exams, scheduled consecutively. so it was a 1pm to 8pm exam (had skyflakes and ice coffee in between exams to keep me going). i managed to do it even if i had a sleepless night. thats the strange part, i had a sleepless night for no reason at all. just plain insomnia...and wrong timing (so i was lying in bed for for almost 6 hours staring at the ceiling, watching HIMYM from time to time since i wasnt feeling sleepy at all and a couple of attempts to study but to no avail since i was too tired). its like my bio-clock suddenly malfunctioned. maybe im really not fit for the intense studying shit. but i cant go back to being a crammer because that wont work in the bar.

and this coming monday, aside from one final exam, i have a hearing in antipolo in the morning. and again, i want to prove to myself that it can be done. the stuff im experiencing right now is really nothing compared to what reality and life has to offer in the next few years.

HIMYM

We spend so much effort trying to keep parts of our lives hidden, even from our closest friends, that those rare times when we do open up, it's amazing how minor those secrets all end up being. - future Ted Mosby

if youre ignorant, teach yourself.

we should never stop learning in life. if we dont know something, we should exert an effort to learn, as much as possible, on one's own. have the independence to think without reliance on external help. dependence stunts growth and self-development. or slows down progress at the very least. only kids should be taught or assisted in their self-development/self-improvement. an exception is when one is seeking higher education or mastery of a skill, then assistance is something that probably cant be dispensed with but independence of thought and reliance on one's self remains to be essential.

the problem with some people is that they are afraid to commit mistakes. they are afraid to fail. everybody commits mistakes. its acceptable as long as one does not overdo it. im a self-proclaimed self-taught thinker. i didnt believe what my highschool teachers taught me and i didnt rely on my college professors for answers (most of the time because they werent exactly useless).

i always exert an effort to enrich my knowledge on a wide range of topics. when i took up law, my primary reason was that i find the field interesting and i want to learn it. thats no longer my primary reason for continuing the hell i placed myself in but learning about it remains to be a reason.

unfortunately, there are some people who dont know the value of learning or the importance of increasing one's knowledge, be it a specific field or knowledge in general. they depend on other people for answers, for solutions. they dont think for themselves and instead use their brains for useless stuff. stuff that will never contribute a thing to the development of man or our society. well, it can contribute in a sense its something that should be avoided. i dont pity these people. i despise them but i dont blame them for their sorry state. i think all they need is therapy because there has to be something wrong with a person's state of mind if he or she has no interest in self-development or self-improvement (or not exerting any effort to pursue it). i think self-improvement and self-development is an essential part of being human. to not do anything to improve one self reduces a person into a mere mechanical being with a central processing unit that depends on external input to function. a computer is much more valuable than a person with no sense of self-improvement or development or a person with no interest in increasing one's knowledge (an exception would be that if that mechanical being has an exterior of a extremely hot and attractive female then that person has an "aesthetic value". a computer is still more useful but that person isnt exactly useless compared to other unthinking people).

why cant we close our ears the way we can close our eyes?

our world seems to be ignorant of the value of silence. i remember that i was happy to hear that there was such a thing called "noise pollution". we live in a noisy world filled with noisy people composed of noisy individuals owning and/or operating and/or using noisy products and inanimate objects. the everyday noise stresses me out to the point that i even avoid conversations just to minimize the noise im bombarded with everyday. sometimes i wish to hear the deafening sound of silence, which happens very rarely. i dont even hear it at night. in this world that never stops buzzing, all i want is half an hour of dead silence. at least. but i dont want to go deaf of course. even the library isnt as quiet as it should be.

the best things in life are illegal

but we need the law to establish some form of order. so we just have to be creative and find ways to beat the boredom without going against the law. or we can play cat and mouse and see if the supposed law enforcers can catch you.

but everyone breaks the law, even the president of the southeast asian country composed of 7000 plus islands. its just a question of what laws were broken or the gravity of the offense. and how many were hurt or affected. its like looking at how much one gains for breaking the law at the expense of those violated. thats why its illegal in the first place. it disrupts the social order and causes damage to another. it offends the senses or morals or whatever society wants to be upheld.

and why am i so serious this morning? or afternoon since its already noon. actually i wanted to write about the best things to do to beat the boredom thats illegal and then i asked myself, "is that a good idea? why put incriminating stuff in writing?" so i answered myself back, well, its not like the illegal stuff ive done is as serious as the laws broken by the high officials of the land. then i replied, "well, its illegal nonetheless and dura lex sed lex applies." dura lex sed lex. always reminds me of the condom brand. to wear rubber can be harsh but its better than knocking someone up or worse, getting infected. and im digressing. point is, im bored and my idea of having fun is at least getting piss drunk.