take a minute bust a prayer and youre good to go - mc hammer

more than a month ago, i was at Our Lady of Manaoag in Pangasinan to pray for friends who took the 2011 bar exams. i found it a bit funny that when i took my bar exams, i didnt bother going there. after i passed the bar exams, a friend asked me if ive gone to Our Lady of Manaoag and i answered "no". surprised, he said that "di ka man lang nagpasalamat". well, i didnt go there in the first place, to ask for help or divine intervention. for me, it didnt matter which church i go to. as long as i prayed sincerely, that, i think, is enough (although i understand the point that the effort in showing such devotion and sincerity makes a difference). besides, i pray every day and my version of the Our Lady of Manaoag is the UP Chapel. up until today, i make it a habit to drop by the UP Chapel to pray whenever i go to UP for any reason. 

anyway, after praying for my bar examinee friends, or as i called them in my prayer my "comrades" (ive always imagined taking the bar exams as something akin to going to war), i dropped by the church's little shop and saw a lot of rosaries. i then remembered that as a kid (during grade school to be exact), i always wore rosaries like a necklace. there was even a time that i wore three rosaries like it were some kind of bling blings (is this term still used today?). i dont even know why my mother allowed me to wear them to school (insert "oh god why" meme). i carried the habit of having a rosary with me until high school. but unlike during my grade school years, i didnt wear them. i only kept one in my pocket. then during college, i just kept it in my bag and before i even finished college, i stopped bringing a rosary with me. the rosary ive been carrying since 1996 now sits on my study table, covered with dust.

i dont know why i always had a rosary with me. i dont even use it. and my "darkest" times was when i had it with me. its weird that in high school, i stopped going to church, stopped praying and stopped recognizing God yet i maintained the habit of carrying a rosary like i always have my wallet and wristwatch. it was merely a force of habit, an empty gesture, devoid of any meaning. at least during grade school, the reason i always had a rosary with me is not for protection, like some amulet, but simply because it reminds me of my faith and i dont want to forget about it. it makes me happy to know that im in good terms with God. but the moment philosophy and science penetrated my brain, the doubt within me overcame my belief and i simply stopped acknowledging God. i didnt really become an atheist (although i think there were short periods that would be considered i was an atheist but most of the time, i just didnt like the thought of being inferior to a passive God). i just thought i do not need God to live (thats why it was common for me to say back then "hey God, look at me, im doing this on my own, without your help" or "this is it? you gotta be kidding me. is this the best you got God?"). the little faith i have left still thought there is a God but with science and philosophy dominating my state of mind, i started thinking God as insignificant in man's day to day activities. hence i became cocky and adopted the motto that "only God can stop me" in whatever stuff i do. this is why im haunted by a lot of my past actions. the "just do it" motto of nike isnt something worth following 100% of the time.

if not for law school, my faith in God wont be restored. again, its funny my faith was restored in a university that does not promote any religion. i studied in a catholic high school and catholic university but both academic institutions failed to convince me God is worth having. the reason i decided to have faith again is because i wanted to make a deal with God (because i have doubts if the devil does exist). thats how cocky ive become. to go to church, after years of criticizing God, and had the audacity to ask something in return from Him so that i would reinstate my faith in Him. anyway, i wouldnt approve of my intentions then but its because of that incident that my faith transformed into what it is now (besides, i offered a lot more than just "believing in God again" in return for what i asked. despite my initial cockiness of thinking im in the position to bargain with God, what i offered in return truly humbled me).

its not the kind of faith most people have. people go to church every sunday for whatever their reasons are but i go to church every sunday because its one of the promises i made to God, that i will fulfill such an obligation, in return for what i asked (again, among other stuff i offered). its a burden i promised to carry (its a burden because i dont believe in the philippine catholic church). whenever i pray, i make it a point not to ask for help unless really necessary. i make it a point to always be thankful. and i make it a point that i am the one in control of my life and i recognize God as the provider of such life (and for that i am grateful). the question of whether what i do is according to God's will or not falls upon my discretion and not the church's teachings. although i do consider what the church says, the fact that its composed by men means that my own discretion is as good as theirs to a certain extent. the church may have expertise in interpreting God's will but it wont change the fact it is still a human interpretation subject to personal bias and institutional prejudice. they have the authority on what's written in the Bible but they cant be an authority on how to properly live my life since i am the recipient of such gift of life and i know what it has been through and what it should go through. guidance is the most the church can provide and it cannot be mandatory on my part to follow it. thus the freedom and free will given to man remains intact. i think this is what faith should be (if not, then im sticking to my form of belief). a life with a proper balance between faith and reason. to be critical and not be a dummy to external forces and have the independence and discretion to know what is right and what is according to God's will. the most external factors can provide is guidance but enlightenment should always come from within. faith is a personal experience and in my experience, the way i practice my faith, i dont adhere to blind loyalty or blind faith. i doubt but i try not to let such doubt reach destructive heights. i follow God's will for i am His instrument but i never allow my brain to be a meaningless body part by not using the finite wisdom granted to me. the thirst for the infinite is a personal endeavor and a life long struggle. and struggles have more meaning when one's eyes are open and one's heart is filled with passion tempered by reason. i have no idea how i got to this topic and where im heading with it.

looks like a really fun concert

crap. if the concert really looks fun as this music video portrays it, im screwed. well, im screwed if such a concert does happen here. if my recollection of the concert ticket price is correct, when i converted it to peso, the concert ticket costs around P22,000. i could afford it but problem is, im not going to buy only one ticket. most likely, im going to pay for my brother's ticket too. he wants to attend such a concert more than i do.

im not having a quarter life crisis

im just having a nagging thought of finding myself. to be more accurate, making sure that not one part of me gets left behind as i move forward. i think im undergoing some progress and i dont have much doubts about the direction im heading. its just that i dont want to lose my "essence" in the process, or bits and pieces of me which are scattered and compartmentalized within me (which always made it difficult for me to pull myself together).

after more than a decade, im finally taking the concrete steps i need to do to improve myself and become a better person (and after years of planning, im finally in the execution stage). ive known about this all along but i refused to recognize, acknowledge and act on it. why? its simply inconvenient to my lazy and stubborn state of mind. now that im making some progress, i just want to make sure that i move as a whole and not just as parts of me. and in order to make myself whole, i need to find myself. its not merely getting to know myself better (i know myself a lot already) but incorporating every aspect of myself into one cohesive unit. its not only about knowing my limitations and capabilities but establishing a much better harmony within me. its like finding some inner peace but not quite.

this nagging thought of finding myself started when i stumbled upon an old piece of information which reminded me of a self that i liked a lot. if im going to move forward, i dont want this self or this part of me to be left behind.

chocolate love + bar review = come from behind victory?

i will never forget this song. this song has been part of my "review ritual" during the bar review (well, latter part of the bar review. my bar review song before this was "highway star" by deep purple). right before i start hitting the books/review materials, the first step was to get myself a cup of coffee from mcdonalds matalino. due to my tight budget then and my dislike for riding tricycles, i just walk whenever i go to mcdonalds. i then head back home and switch on my laptop. while waiting for my laptop to finish booting up, i prepare the coffee i just bought from mcdonalds. once my laptop is all done with its preliminaries, i play SNSD's Chocolate Love music video and watch it while drinking my coffee. then i play some more snsd music videos until i finish my coffee. but i always start with Chocolate Love just to establish some routine. once i finish my coffee, im already fully relaxed and my brain's likewise stimulated, not only by the coffee, but also visually thus generating better brain activity. with a nicely set up mood, i start studying.

hmmm. there is a japanese professor by the name of Professor Sawaguchi from Hokkaido University who claims that SNSD's Genie promotes brain development. when i heard this, i thought its a bit absurd. but then again, there are scientific findings that sound silly (cant think of one right now). the fact that i passed the bar by adding this routine in my bar review could somehow support such claim. but then again, this should be subjected to experimentation since during the time i was waiting for the bar results, my addiction to snsd during the latter half of the review could have resulted either way. its either the cause of my failure or truly helped me in passing the exams. so im not really sure myself how it affected my bar exams. sure it helped me in getting in the mood to study and stay sane (i was already dying of boredom because of the months of just reading law stuff. sick and tired of reviewing day in and day out) but it also deprived me a lot of review hours because i spent half of the day (from afternoon to 2am on the average) watching youtube videos of snsd.

anyway, before i digress further, this isnt the chocolate love music video. its their practice video and they really look good even in sweatpants. their synchronized moves are hypnotic. the interesting thing about this video is how uninterested the guy at the side of the room is. he looks really bored despite the fact nine girls who leaves millions of guys (and girls) in awe are dancing right in front of him. its like just another day at work for him, nothing out of the ordinary, nothing special. 

so today is valentines day...for some people. for me, i call it tuesday.

when i went jogging a few hours ago, i saw, aside from the heavy traffic, a lot of guys making some last minute flower shopping. the choice of flowers were already very limited and most probably, the prices have increased. wow. the things guys do just to satisfy their women. reminded me of the times i took part in this valentines thing.

i remember half a decade ago...wait...its already more than half a decade ago. wow. its been that long. it feels like just a couple of years ago. anyway, more than half a decade ago, i went to a valentines date and i forgot to bring flowers. yep. of all the things i could forget, i forgot the flowers. i had a really busy day then. being a law student can be hectic at times. i was really drained during that time and i had to go home to go to our family dinner for valentines day. we went to a nearby restaurant. after the family dinner, i went back home to change and my grandmother, who was informed i had a date, told me not to do anything stupid or anything i will regret. she doesnt have to remind me of that. one of my fears is to suddenly have a family of my own. not all surprises are pleasant (but i admit, suddenly having a family of my own cant be all bad. although financially it is). anyway, i was tired and drained and on my way to the restaurant for the date. i didnt bring my car since i wasnt in the mood to drive. too tired. during my commute, while at the waiting shed, there was this old lady selling roses placed in a small metal bucket. i thought of buying a few but i was too busy thinking of something else. so i thought, i will just finish whatever im thinking then im going to buy them roses. well, the next time i remembered buying it was when my date asked me about it. crap. so i honestly said, "i thought of buying them but i forgot". doesnt the thought count? im that kind of guy who doesnt make that much effort. like a blockmate said a month ago, i can be sweet sometimes. but most of the time, im not. im too busy being me.

i remember another date a few years ago where i somehow "scolded" my date to finish everything on her plate. aside from the fact that im going to pay for the somewhat expensive dinner, i dont like to see food being wasted. so i said were not going to leave until she finishes everything. im that kind of guy who acts like an annoying parent when im a few years older than my date. since we were going to watch a movie, i even rushed her to finish it because the movie was about to start soon. she just kept whining she was already full. she managed to eat a few more bites before i ended up eating some of her leftovers (because she managed to use her aegyo to convince me to eat it. she's the kind of girl who knows how to use her aegyo to her advantage. coincidentally, a kpop singer with a similar aegyo reminds me of her) so we can finally head towards the cinema. im that kind of guy who doesnt want to be late for a movie.  

then there's the instance when, not really a valentines date, but i managed to buy the flowers for someone on valentines day. i asked the flower shop to prepare it beforehand so i will just pick it up on the morning of valentines day. problem is, i had the flowers but i dont know how to give it to my intended recipient. she's the kind of girl that's hard to locate. so i spent all day waiting for the moment to give it to her. i managed to give it to her thanks to a friend. i didnt mind waiting all day (sort of) because that incident gave me a nice feeling back then but now that im thinking about it, it reminds me of the guys i just saw at the flower shops earlier today. im currently that kind of guy who just watches other people enjoy this somewhat special tuesday. i dont feel bad to be this guy today. maybe because i have good memories of this "special" day in the past.

the thing i realized now is that, valentines day for me usually doesnt have a good start but it usually ends well. i always sleep with a smile whenever such a day ends. tonight will be the same because of this realization. or maybe i just feel good lately (someone made a comment a few weeks ago that she noticed that im cheerful than usual. i smile more often than the usual and my expression is strangely brighter. maybe she hasnt seen me for quite some time).

shared passion, trust and love are the elements of great relationships

i was on tumblr an hour ago and saw a post reblogging a youtube video. i checked it out and i was impressed by how good the maker of the video is in video editing. its not something really remarkable but it impressed me anyway. impressed me enough to wish that this person makes more videos, and longer ones (and not end the videos a bit abruptly). i think the thing i like about this person's created vids is that this person seems to capture the essence of materials he or she uses and manages to form some harmony with his or her chosen music (or maybe there's just a lot of crappy videos on youtube making this person's vids stand out). in any case, these videos are really good and better than the usual ones i see.

in the video below, i think he or she managed to portray in such a short amount of time how nine girls rose to the top (their debut up to their rise to the top were well documented so there's really a lot of material that can be used and that makes it difficult because narrowing it down is a challenge). it really made me think after seeing the progression of the materials this person used, that snsd probably had no inkling back then that they would be this popular or that their efforts and hardships would pay off on such a grand scale.







seeing the videos above made me remember how poor my video editing skills are. i mean, the vids below took me hours to finish and it only contains pictures! whenever i see fan made videos on youtube which only contains pictures, i automatically brand it as lame. so i really do think the videos i made are lame too and i wish i have much better video editing skills. if only i was in college, i would probably be doing that now, making fan made videos of snsd (therefore, i would spend more hours in front of the computer) and improving my really lame and really poor video editing skills.

this video makes me realize how much i like my college blockmates. i dont recall why i made this video in the first place. i recall i spent hours doing this and it was during the time i was in hibernation mode. i also remember missing a get together during this time. i have no idea where the original file of this video is. although its nice i managed to have an online copy, the resolution of the original is way much better.



i miss the days when i was collecting female celebrity wallpapers. i really spent hours looking for high quality wallpapers of hot female celebrities. i really stayed up really late just collecting wallpapers. this was a nice hobby that ended abruptly during my senior year in law school.


cake1 from anubz on Vimeo.

i think my brain is stimulated a bit since i spent the day finishing a pleading that's due tomorrow. its a labor case and my almost non-existent passionate side comes out a bit whenever i write labor case pleadings.

im going to be in a lot of pain tomorrow

as promised to myself, i started going to the gym earlier today. however, i didnt go to a fitness gym (although im considering it). i didnt go to a sleazy men's health club either. i went to an MMA gym. yep. an MMA gym.

one of the reasons i started doing the regular jog thing was because im bothered by how sluggish ive become. i wanted to familiarize my body with my new weight and restore my agility. my physical speed and agility is one of my best kept secrets and when i noticed that im not as fast and agile as i was, then i just lost something im proud of. so i thought, if im going to go to the gym, might as well do something that will help me boost my sense of coordination (aside from improving my agility) in a non-boring way. in short, something like a sport. so im hitting two birds with one stone. by going to an MMA gym, im not only going to a gym, im also engaging in a sport. another reason i thought of going to the gym was because when i went surfing a few weeks ago, i realized how poor my upper body strength was. i was really disappointed with how weak ive become (so that weekend getaway was one of the factors that made me decide to go to a gym).

i initially wanted boxing sessions but i ended up going for muay thai . i thought i can handle the initial muay thai lessons since ive been jogging for months now. but then again, even if ive been exercising for months, my stamina and endurane didnt really improve. its an admitted weakness and i really dont know how to go about it (thats why speed is very crucial for me since i have low stamina, i always try to finish things quickly before i run out of juice).

halfway through the session, i was starting to struggle a bit. fortunately, i managed to finish my first session but every time the trainer/trainor says three (or four or two) more sets (one jab, one straight, two elbow, two knee kicks, etc. or any other combinations) during the latter half of the session, my mind was screaming "aaaaaahhhh!!!!" in exasperation. so i thought of snsd. if 9 girls (or most kpop girl groups) can handle hours of dancing on high heels with blisters on their feet (and get occasionally stepped on by fellow members on high heels) with barely enough sleep (due to their tight schedules) just to master their choreographies, an average guy like me should be able to endure a measly hour of exercise (its one of those moments where one hour can feel very, very long). at least i didnt whine a while ago (although during the last five minutes of the session, im starting to express that i was extremely drained by not kicking very hard). 

my challenge to myself now is to attend this gym weekly for at least three months, without fail. if i miss just one week, the three month period shall be reset until i complete three months with going to such gym once a week (so far, ive managed to accomplish the thrice weekly jog).

how can i not love such a cheerful princess?

im old. i really should start working my ass off

girls' generation were on the late show with david letterman last week and their performance was flawless (i still cant shake off the somewhat sloppy performance they did a few months ago in an awards show). i wasnt expecting they would be doing some sort of promotions in the US any time soon since all of them are gainfully employed by doing other activities. currently, four of them are actresses in dramas (three are lead actresses for "love rain", "speed" and "fashion king" while one has an eight episode stint in the drama "wild romance"), two are permanent cast members in a reality/variety show ("invincible youth" season 2 and one of these two will also be part of the musical "catch me if you can", becoming the fourth member of the group to be casted in another musical) and three are permanent MCs/hosts of a music program (one of the three just finished her lead role in the musical "Fame" which lasted for a few months). these activities are in addition to attending various other programs as guests and hosting their own program where all nine of them are together ("girls generation and the dangerous boys").

this is why one of their wishes they consistently say when asked what they want is...be given time to rest. but i think this is something half-meant on their part. they know that popularity doesnt last forever and they are seizing the moment and taking every opportunity they can hold on to. its reflected on their hardwork and dedication. they invested so much to be where they are now. they used up their pre-teen to mid-teen years training to become professional celebrities. this is their chosen line of work after all. this is no different from studying to become a lawyer for years and working one's ass off everyday for a decade (or maybe a little over half a decade) to at least get back all the time and effort invested during the law school years (and this is why im not earning much. because i really didnt invest any time and effort preparing for my chosen line of work)

anyway, the performances they made in the US (the late show with david letterman and live with kelly, just hours apart) became a news item in various countries (Malaysia, Indonesia, Ukraine, Italy, France and Spain). i thought, is it really that news worthy? then with the kind of foreign news we have (viral youtube vids), i thought "yep. it is". a girl group from south korea isnt something new. the wonder girls have made an international impact a few years back. but the thing with girls generation is their doing it with their own approach. they have their own way of establishing themselves and i find it interesting how theyre doing it. 

the weather must be insanely horrible by 2022

during my job interview yesterday i was asked where i see myself 10 years from now. i answered that i would still be lawyering in a law office. now that i think about it, i really dont see myself doing anything else except practicing in a law office. when i decided to finish my law studies, i acknowledged that this is a profession i will be in for the rest of my life and i will most likely practice it in a law office.

when i was 14, i was asked where i see myself by the age of 24. i said that i see myself parking my own car, in my own house, built on my own lot, greeted by pets upon entry in such house. im 28 and i dont have my own car, i dont own a house and lot and ive lost all my pets. the only thing i got right was that im single.

anyway, ten years is a long time. but at this age, things are less uncertain. when i was 14, i was still in high school and no idea which college i will end up. im not even sure what kind of job i will have (but with a good brain i thought im bound to get a job with a nice salary). my 14 year old self was absolutely clueless that he will become a lawyer. now at this age, things are more predictable. sure there's the uncertainty but choices are now more limited compared to the teenage years. responsibilities and obligations are just some of those restrictions. its easier to see things 10 years from now. the sense of maturity one's expected to have gained at this age somehow contributes in providing a clearer path and stronger determination in walking such path. its easier to plan life at this point in time.

so 10 years from now, i think i will still be in practice in a law office. im not interested in going into politics. even if i win the lottery, i will still practice law. i have no ambition to become a member of the judiciary. death is the only thing that would stop me from going into the future. and ive been taunting death in my mind for years and it still hasnt come (i prohibit myself from doing overt acts because that constitutes suicide and its against my belief). life on the other hand would be the only thing that could make me change my course or my plan for the future. at the moment, i doubt it. lately, i have full control of life.

this post is halfway to nowhere

i stopped being grade-conscious back in high school. i think during junior year. i just lost interest in academic excellence. i carried this attitude until i finished law school, i.e. until the end of my school days.

now i somehow regret it. but not completely. sure it makes things difficult in getting into a good workplace but i really dont want to be judged based on my grades (but i admit, its one of the best ways in evaluating the intellectual capability of a person). besides, i come from top schools in this country. even if i have bad grades, im still more privileged compared to most of the members of the labor force. thats still something i should be very thankful for.

as one friend puts it, we belong to the bottom of the barrel. but now that i think about it, we may be at the bottom of the barrel but we belong to the barrel placed at the top of the stack of barrels. looking at the big picture, its not bad as it seems. i may be in last place but im last among the cream of the crop (but still, it means that among those at the top of the "pyramid", im the least capable).

its a difficult situation to be in. its like the jason segel predicament. if i remember correctly, jason segel had difficulties landing roles because he's not ugly to be cast in funny roles and he's not handsome to be some leading actor. thats why he was told by a good friend of his to create roles for himself since he doesnt fit in the typical stereotype roles.

placing last (or near last) among the best means i give the impression im not good enough to keep up with the best but at the same time, i cant drop to the lower level because i might not really belong to such classification (ive tried and its really a different world). so i guess i will have to find my own niche since its difficult to belong in the usual classifications. but then again, my lazy self is just telling me this so i wont have to try harder. how did i end up with an empowered lazy self? oh right, its because i stopped caring about grades and started to have a weak sense of discipline. but not because im lazy doesnt mean im not capable or im not good enough. thats my lazy self talking again. and i just yawned. my lazy self is forcing me to stop rationalizing and go to sleep.

im disappointed with myself

just had a job interview a few hours ago. more than half a decade later, im still selling myself short. the interviewers kept asking me to convince them why im worth hiring. as usual, im not that convinced i should be hired. a part of me really wants it but my lazy half doesnt. i mean, im giving up my freedom to a certain extent when i join such a law firm. but in exchange for that freedom is the exposure and experience i need to become a good lawyer. it also appears to be a nice law firm which i wont regret being a part of.

i dont know. im the type who only shows his worth after someone takes a chance on me. i find it difficult to tell people in words how good i am. thats why im always told that i sell myself short. a lawschool blockmate even said that i seem to lack faith in myself (when i was surprised how well i did in a particular exam). not really. i just like to put myself down so i would push myself harder. the thing is, im the kind of guy who makes sure im worth the risk if anyone does take a chance on me. so if by some stroke of luck (this worries me because luck is something im also good at) i get hired in the law firm i just went to earlier, im going to make sure they wont regret such a decision. thats what im good at. proving im worth it after one takes a chance on me. i rarely, if not never, show my worth before one takes the risk.

in any case, my sagittarian optimism tells me its a win-win situation. if i get hired in such law firm, im bound to become a better lawyer and be challenged intellectually. if i dont get hired, i get to keep my freedom and see where it will take me. but my non-lazy self is telling me its about time to ditch the laid back lifestyle and do something challenging.

i was wrong. i do have something that i should get rid of this year

i should be working on two pleadings right now but i managed to convince myself to wake up very early tomorrow (even if i know im just fooling myself because i love sleep more than anything else). aside from writing the blog entries below which are products of procrastination, i also spent a lot of time on tumblr and even went out to get a doughnut.

the interesting thing about the doughnut incident was it started on tumblr. i was scrolling down my tumblr dashboard until i chanced upon a post about a guy saying what to do when one gets the last piece of doughnut. after reblogging it, i said, i think im going to get myself a doughnut. so i quickly changed into some outdoor clothes, put on my pair of running shoes and off i went to walk to dunkin donuts matalino to buy one piece of doughnut. after finishing my doughnut, i decided to buy a cup of coffee at mcdonalds to motivate me to work. when i got back home with my cup of coffee, i went back to tumblr and half an hour later, after finishing my coffee, i was reading documents for the pleadings i will be doing. two hours later, after making a very rough draft, i managed to convince myself to just do it tomorrow. wow. these pleadings are due on tuesday and wednesday and i have a hearing on tuesday. im really good at convincing myself that i have time to finish it. i even argue that i can opt not to sleep and pull an all nighter (even if i know thats a blatant lie since i rarely give up sleep), the power of procrastination is just remarkable. i mean, im still procrastinating right now.

now im talking like a girl. a spoiled and fussy one to be more specific.

i mentioned in my post below that i was horrified when a law school blockmate took a whiff at my cap. she said she wanted to know my scent. im sensitive when it comes to my scent. the reason for it is because i have poor sense of smell. i have no good way of knowing whether i smell good or not. thats why i get paranoid about it because of the uncertainty.

ive received compliments that i smell good. all of them from girls (now that i think about it, i wouldnt know how to react if a guy said it. maybe "umm...thanks? i guess"). but even if i do receive positive comments about my scent doesnt mean i smell nice all the time (although a girl ive dated said that i always smell nice whenever she sees me but well, im still not convinced). also, they always compliment me on the perfume i wear. now, ive been using this perfume since college or around 2001. and ive been using it until it went out of stock months ago. i think its no longer in production since in the ten years ive been buying it, its never been out of stock for this long. as usual, i have a secondary perfume that i can resort to whenever the primary perfume i use runs out but its really not my type and its really meant to be just a reserve (the reason its my reserve is because, like my primary perfume, i rarely smell it on someone else but unlike my primary perfume, i dont like it that much. its just good enough). so im hoping im wrong on my hunch that my primary perfume is no longer in production or i will have to look for a new one (i would like to go back to the perfume i used when i was in sixth grade but i just found its not available here in the philippines. crap!!! and its the scent i like next to the one that ive been using for ten years. i dont know if im just really picky or very unfortunate).

anyway, the reason i thought of writing this post is because this somehow explains why im afraid of hugs. its common knowledge that i dont like to be hugged (except to some relatives who barely know me). my "fear" of being hugged is separate and distinct from my "fear" of being touched. thats a separate issue. anyway, whenever someone tries to hug me, i always say im sweaty, which is true. i sweat a lot because of the very warm weather we have. with my recent weight gain, i feel the weather got a lot warmer. so its not really because i dont like people to hug me but im afraid of allowing them to get too close to actually get a good whiff of my body. thats how sensitive i am about it. thats why i dont hug back either because just being hugged already makes me very uncomfortable due to my paranoia and sensitivity on how i smell. even if no one has reacted adversely, i still cant get rid of the thought that i dont smell good. thats why whenever i sweat a lot, i secretly check from time to time how i smell, which is silly because i have a poor sense of smell. checking it seems like a mere gesture on my part to reassure me a bit because i dont smell anything.

if my talkative self comes back, i'll be telling this kind of long, boring, pointless stories instead of just writing it

ive been thinking of "retiring" my mudflap girl cap for months. my plan was to replace it with a white on black yankees new era 39thirty cap. unfortunately, i only keep seeing 59fifty ones. so i decided to look for an alternative cap. i actually saw a design i liked last month at Levis Gateway. it was on display along with the mannequins. i decided to take a closer look at it so i actually went to the window display and took it without asking for assistance from the salespeople (so i was stretching my arm trying to reach it from behind the mannequin). i managed to get it and i saw it was a bit dirty so i asked if they have another one in stock. the salesperson said thats the only one left. my siblings were with me and they said its a bit of a hassle to buy it since i have to wash it first before i can use it (its that dirty. its probably been on display for quite some time already). so i decided to look for it in other Levis stores. but i noticed that when i was about to leave, the salesperson didnt return the cap to the window display (i thought they might have taken my siblings' comments seriously that they are putting on display dirty items).

so i continued looking for it in their other stores while i was doing my xmas shopping and the salespeople consistently told me the following:

• the items they have on display are the ones they have (so if i dont see it, they dont have it)
• every store only gets two pieces of each cap design. so if they sell two caps of the same design, then its officially sold out for that particular store (so all their cap designs are limited edition?)

i actually went to these different stores twice (except the one at Gateway) just to make sure i didnt miss it when i first checked or the salespeople were wrong in thinking they dont have it. well, no luck in all instances.

surprisingly, while i was in tabaco city, albay, specifically at the bus terminal waiting for the bus on a saturday (and i did have laundry on my back, in my bag), a man went to the ticket booth near me and he was wearing the goddamn cap ive been looking for at the Levis stores! i thought "seriously? first i keep seeing the yankees cap i want and i cant find where i can buy it and now, the levis cap is doing the same thing too?". if what the salespeople told me were true, then even if Levis has a hundred stores nationwide, if they only sell two of each design, the chances of seeing someone wearing the design i want is small. i was really tempted to ask the man if i can buy his cap but i scared myself that i dont know where that cap has been or how much stranger sweat it has absorbed (thats why i was horrified when a law school blockmate took a whiff at my cap. she actually placed my cap on her nose and took a whiff. i quickly grabbed it back. sure i wash it but still, you just dont grab someone else's cap and smell it. the same way one shouldnt share earphones).

anyway, i remembered the cap incident in bicol a week later, or yesterday to be more specific. after buying groceries, i decided to drop by at Levis Gateway to see if they managed to sell the cap i took from their display window without permission. even if im supposed to be in a "financial recovery period" (due to the xmas shopping expenses), i said to myself that if the cap is still there, dirty or not, im going to buy it. summer is just around the corner and i need a new cap. the one im using has reached its limit. its still usable but it can no longer hide the visible signs of wear and tear. its time for it to retire like the other caps that preceded it.

finally, i was standing in front of the store and obviously, the cap isnt on display. the concept of the window display has also changed. i scanned the store and there were no caps in sight. at first. then i saw it. the caps were displayed behind the cashier counter. again, without asking for assistance or permission, i went behind the cashier counter and started checking the caps. in the middle of the pile was the cap i saw weeks earlier. and they washed it! when i turned, the saleslady/cashier was behind me and i immediately bought it (we had to exchange places because i was standing where she, the cashier, was supposed to be).

im really picky when it comes to caps. its like picking a bag. i can take months looking for the design i like. i dont know, i just really like this one and its a good alternative to the yankees cap which i vow i will get this year.

the ones on the right are the caps that have served me well (and officially retired). the eccentric cap (college), natural life cap (law school), mudflap girl cap (law school to present). the simple looking cap at the back was a secondary cap (in case i cant use the existing primary cap).

next up...motormouth

its official. freddie loose lips is back. he's going to sink ships if i dont restrain him. well, not sure about the declaration that its official but he is back. not that he completely went away but i used to be good in keeping my mouth shut. now, i just speak before i think. the stuff i say really gets on people's nerve (i have the ability to utter words that can make a group of people stop whatever theyre doing, pause for a few seconds and look at me with facial expressions saying "WTF?!" or "how could you say such a thing?"). well, what do people expect from a naturally cruel guy? well, i appear to be cruel because people prefer to live in a sugarcoated world (i missed delivering my harsh one-liners).

anyway, i end up backing down from senseless arguments because i started it anyway. of course i mean no harm but sometimes a mere statement of fact can be offensive and can be considered as a mere opinion (like the color of a girl's dress. i see it as pink but the other person says its closer to orange. there's nothing offensive in this example but this example was meant to show that a mere statement of fact actually led to a half an hour argument due to differing perceptions. now that i think about it, the problem could be attributable to the TV's color settings).

so far, i havent let out any important secrets or any confidential information. now, i have to exert more effort in keeping em sealed in my brain and never allow it to even reach the tip of my tongue.

its in our nature to be resilient

so should the chief justice resign? he should not. i just read a comment that if this impeachment scenario happened in a particular country, the public official would have resigned because it is unbearable in the culture of the particular country to deal with a tarnished reputation. in our case, doing otherwise reflects a lack of delicadeza or greed for power. but is it really? this statement applies if the public official is indeed guilty. what if he or she is not? if one is innocent or not guilty of the accusations hurled against him or her, why would he or she give up his or her public position? the same way that if an innocent person is convicted by a court of justice, he or she must not stop fighthing for his or her freedom until all the legal remedies run out.

actually, i have a client that is somewhat under this kind of situation. i dont know if the client is innocent (i got this case when its already at the Supreme Court level) but he (or she) never won in any court (from the lower court to appellate courts) and recently lost in his (or her) motion for reconsideration before the Supreme Court. now, as a defense lawyer, i should give the client the best (or ideal) legal service i could possibly give. im not in the position to judge him (or her) if he (or she) committed the alleged crime or not. i should always operate under the notion that he (or she) is innocent (the presumption applies until proven guilty beyond reasonable doubt). but he (or she) has been proven guilty by the lower courts! well, courts can commit errors. that is why there are remedies like appeal. now, its the Supreme Court that has ruled my client is guilty. even if he (or she) is indeed is innocent, there isnt much i can do. but at least he (or she) fought until the very end. isnt this more admirable than just accepting the conviction right from the beginning? well, this applies if the person is indeed innocent. to detain an innocent person is certainly unjust but unfortunately, it happens.

now, in the case of CJ Corona, if he is not guilty of the accussations thrown against him, the better thing to do is not resign. if i were in his position, why would i give up something when i didnt do anything wrong? can you blame the CJ if filipino resilience runs through his veins? tarnish his reputation all you want but if he firmly believes he did not do anything wrong, he should never give up his post. resignation in some cases is like suicide.

besides, i think its about time our country has a complete impeachment trial. the previous ones keep getting aborted.

some old news

i managed to complete the nine day night mass last month. that would be two years in a row. but unlike in 2010 where i was able to attend all the 430 am masses, last year, i was late for one of the 430 am mass and attended one 6am mass (failed to wake up earlier). but still, i was able to complete the nine day series of masses.

the thing that annoyed me during the night mass was the rowdy kids. i dont have an idea why they attend the night mass in the first place when they dont even listen. they just talk with each other and laugh. at least i try to listen even if i fall asleep in some parts of the mass (that made me wonder, how did i manage to endure the 2010 masses? i dont recall getting very sleepy when i attended the 2010 night mass). 

as the days went by, attending the night mass was getting more difficult. its really hard to wake up since i didnt sleep earlier (there's simply a lot of stuff to do during the holiday season). for a person who loves to sleep, waking up at 4am is really ridiculous and irritating. but i managed to just keep attending it until i finished all nine days.

the reason im blogging about the night mass is because i remembered how much hate i have in me. now that im loosening up gradually, its becoming clearer that i never got rid of the hatred within me. i merely suppressed it and managed to bottle it up nicely.  just thinking about it reminds me of the amount of hatred i have when i was in high school (a friend described me as "ang taong galit sa mundo sa araw araw na ginawa ng Diyos").

the night masses brings that hatred out of me. sort of. during the night masses, my mind just becomes filled with hatred. hateful thoughts swim in my head as the priest conducts his mass. not that its directed at anyone attending the mass but its just hate running around my mind. how nice it would be to do this and that. destructive things, hateful things, horrible thoughts, etc. well, its hard to restrain my mind at 430 am in the morning. yet despite being filled with hate, a part of me can still peacefully listen to the priest and calmly hear mass. its like floating in a turbulent sea of hatred and looking at a serene sky. like i can let my hatred run loose in my mind and not worry about it turning into real physical action because the four walls of the church can serve as some sort of sanctuary in lieu of the mental restraints i place to control it. the night masses made me realize that the evil that i allowed to grow in the past still resides within me yet i need not fear it as long as i know how to keep things in control.

well, now that im still in the process of loosening up, i just hope i dont lose control. at the moment, im having difficulties shutting my mouth and preventing myself from making unintentional hurtful and insensitive comments. my sagittarian inability to sugarcoat the stuff i say is back. damn it. its like i never learned to be polite.

challenge accepted

2012 has finally arrived. so do i have a new year's resolution? nope. dont have one. i pretty much started what can be considered as resolutions months ago. even the much avoided and abhorred exercise. i do it in the form of walks and jogging. so far ive managed to sustain the afternoon walk/jog and the only time i fail to do it is when im prevented by work, weather and illness. im surprisingly serious of making it a habit to exercise that when i was prevented by the weather from going out, i contemplated signing up for a gym membership to compensate for the exercise days lost due to bad weather.




who would have thought that the person who said "the only way im going to actually exercise regularly is if a young or middle-aged woman who can be aptly described as an athletic hottie gives me a very good reason to do it. not even a doctor can convince me to exercise even if my life depended on it. unless the doctor is some incredibly attractive female doctor...then....i would still say no but i might be open to some convincing if she has enough valid reasons" would be this serious in exercising? well, although i didnt get a good reason for it, an athletic hottie celebrity did inspire me. her dedication is simply inspiring (and seeing how hot she looked on the treadmill). with an inspiring beauty coupled with my "urge" to exercise, my brain successfully convinced me to just do it.

since ive been doing a good job in exercising, i thought its about time to buy a new pair of running shoes. the ones i have now are showing signs of wear and tear but i think it can still last for a few more months. but since i dont have a new year's resolution, i thought of making it challenging to buy a new pair of shoes by having to meet some conditions before i allow myself to buy it. since my concern right now is whether i will be able to sustain this exercise routine for the coming months, i thought that i will only buy a new pair if i manage to exercise at least thrice a week for three months (so far, that was my average number of exercise days since i started it last november). the only time i will allow myself to have less than the thrice a week condition is if work, weather or illness prevents me from exercising (or some other compelling reason). if i fail to meet the thrice a week condition even once, i will reset the period until i complete the thrice a week exercise for three months.

the only time i will buy a new pair of running shoes without meeting the abovementioned condition is if my current pair becomes completely unusable. but i will not buy the pair i want. i will buy a cheap but adequate replacement pair (and i dont want the replacement pair i have in mind)

not bad

ive been looking for a fan made video (since it doesnt have an official music vid) for the winter/xmas song Diamond and so far, this one's the best ive seen. the first time ive heard it, i just thought its nice. it sounds like a xmas song. but then again, like most xmas songs, they get stuck in one's head. so ive been hearing this song in my brain for days and i just had to have a vid to come along with it.

roundabout way of getting to the point

im starting to think straight again.and i think the reason my mind was messed up these past few days is because im sick. with a weak physical state, with less mental restraints, my mind can easily turn into a loose cannon. at least im feeling better now and i think i can start jogging/exercising again by tomorrow even if i still have a runny nose.

i really need to boost my immune system. age is really making itself noticed. last night something happened that made me remember a college friend's comment. she said that among our blockmates, im the one who will get married first. she was wrong, obviously, but the pertinent comment she said, in addition to what i just stated, is that i remind her of Elijah Price, the character from Unbreakable who has the rare disease in which bones break easily. not that my blockmate really thought i had weak bones but its really because i dont want to be touched and the slightest touch could...break me? well, its been years since i read the message but i think this is what she said...in effect.

anyway, the reason i remembered the comment is because last night, while i was sleeping, as i shifted my position, it felt like my spine cracked. i didnt hear anything but i felt the sharp pain. lately, ive been feeling a creeping pain along my spine when i bend. i think i might have a pinched nerve. i might also have a pinched nerve in my right foot, if there's such a thing. i feel a somewhat similar sensation when i bend my right foot in a certain way. then there's my weak knees. i wonder whats up with my bones, joints and spine? i blame growing old for all of this.

the plot thickens...and im being arrogant

the battle between the executive and the judiciary heats up. its not simply the president against the chief justice and vice versa. they're bringing their respective institutions with them. its happening faster than i thought. i wonder how many people saw this coming when they went out to vote last 2010. i thought by voting for aquino, there will certainly be another impeachment trial but i didnt really expect it to be this soon and it was going to be the CJ (but then again, he was a likely target right from the beginning).

ive read the impeachment complaint and i will have to say, im behind the CJ on this one. if the senate rules against the CJ, then its because of political reasons or to satisfy the mob (which is a political reason). the allegations are simply allegations and they are difficult to prove. the complaint is filled with inferences and speculation. the complaint is a product of a maliciously fertile mind. it would be something impressive as a political science/college level paper (you could really feel the indignation). but for any unbiased lawyer (forget that the CJ was appointed by the previous president), the way i see it, he did nothing that would amount to an impeachable offense.

the trend under the aquino administration is trial by publicity. makes me wish that most citizens can have the privilege of being educated in top schools so they would know how to analyze issues involving social, economic and political matters. why make such education exclusive anyway? why do we deprive most citizens basic law stuff? its not like everyone is created equal. even if everyone is given access to quality education means everyone will only have the same level of knowledge (hopefully) but not the same level of comprehension and understanding. at least provide enough knowledge that would enable people to have critical thinking. but then again, if most people were capable of critical thinking, the current president wont be president. things would be plain and boring.


now, im not saying my position is right. wait, that is what im trying to say. but not because i think my position is right doesnt mean it is right. its possible that those who have the opposing view is right. it just so happens theyre not really advocating it very well. when i was in court last tuesday, the lawyers against the impeachment said this move by the legislature is not only an attack on the members of the bench but likewise to members of the bar and its politically motivated, filled with animosity. the lawyer who said he is in favor of the impeachment wants the CJ to be impeached because he lost his case when it reached the supreme court. another lawyer who favors impeachment wants it because the court staff are inefficient and its causing inconvenience for lawyers for it leads to wasted time. 

i think its some kind of withdrawal symptom

my mind's messed up for the last three days. im not thinking straight. it cant be possibly due to the cold i currently have. its been a week since i last jogged so im thinking might be some withdrawal symptom but i havent really done it for so long for me to become dependent on it. another possibility is that the "loosening up" process is starting to get to me (which is too soon based on my calculations)

my brain is really fucked up right now. just a while ago i thought for a split second i saw a big black rat in our kitchen but a split second later, i saw its just our frying pan placed upside down. my brain forgot to send the realization to my arms so out of my entire body, only my two arms jerked in surprise. my face didnt even register a reaction because my brain was able to send the realization just in time before it makes one. crap. im having hallucinations. i usually have this when im tired as fuck (like the time when i thought a garbage bag on the street was a sleeping dog. thats not too farfetched. or the time i initially thought the fire hydrant was some kid. again, its likely to happen when one is extremely exhausted).

right now, im not that tired. well, physically i am because i had an argument with myself earlier and i ended up craving for mexican food (i was wondering where to eat after i leave the office and after minutes of debating, i gave in to mexican food just to end the thought process). i wanted chimichangas because i saw shrek on cable yesterday (one of the characters had chimichangas. thats how easily influenced i am by random things) so i thought i better go to mexicali. since my brain is fucked up, i ended up in Taco Bell gateway (when taco bell trinoma is nearer). i ended up feeling i was carrying a large rock in my bag when i got home because of all the commuting and having a cold really makes me physically weak.

the incident a while ago reminded me of a statement made by a famous jesuit professor in my alma mater. one always thinks before he acts. or something to that effect. i said to my blockmate, thats nonsense. i ended up in cubao without thinking. i dont know why im there and i merely assumed how i got there. i was on autopilot. actually, when i realized then that i was in cubao, i just went home because i was really clueless why i went there in the first place. ive done a lot of stupid and random things. doing shitty stuff like the old times at this point in time would be the worst idea ever.

another battle with myself

ive been craving for a snickers bar since last week and i keep telling myself no. im trying to discipline myself to exercise some restraint on food expenses. pissed, i told myself "whats the point of being a lawyer when i cant even buy a goddamn snickers bar!!!" wow, my argument is flawless. i then reminded myself that more than a year ago, i cant even afford to buy a nice meal. i was on a very tight budget that to buy a snickers bar then would affect a week's budget. so i countered with "thats last year. were dealing with this year and i want a snickers bar". im dealing with a spoiled brat. and to think i wasnt even spoiled when i was a kid.

anyway, i gave in to my demand. i bought a snickers bar so i would stop whining and shut up. i have a pleading to finish. besides, im not thinking straight this recent weekend so i thought it might not be a good idea to deprive myself of something this simple. now that im in the process of loosening up, im at my most unpredictable. i have to be more careful with less restraints, thus im always on the look out for my persona whom i tap when studying criminal cases. i havent met anyone who wasnt surprised to hear him utter statements that reflects his sense of malice.

brown monkey's white whine

last month, i was searching for maroon chucks. i searched for it for two weeks. i even asked the salespeople whether they have such a thing. they either replied "no" or "what's on display is what we have". so i settled for the blue chucks thats almost the same color as my black ones. then two weeks ago, i dropped by a Converse store in Ali Mall and they have one that is almost maroon but not quite (they said it just came out last month. really? i dropped by that store a month earlier and they told me they dont have such a thing. liar. well, its my first time seeing the saleperson there so he must be new).

the maroon like color was good enough for its certainly closer to maroon than the cinnabar one. but i just bought the blue one so i thought im going to save up to get it for christmas. then i dropped by again recently on the same store and they no longer have it. why does this shoe color have to be elusive? like the 39thirty black yankees cap with a white logo that ive been looking for for months. i keep seeing people wearing it but i have no idea where they bought it. the ones i see in malls are the 59fifty ones. im tempted to order it online but the MLB website isnt offering the one im looking for either. im even already open to buying a fake one but i cant even find a fake version of what i want.

now that i can afford stuff like these, ive become more picky. back then, i dont care about what i wear as long as it doesnt have a brand name. now, i have brand preferences (but ive always been the type who has brand preferences and loyalty but back then it was primarily on food). at least i dont go for the really expensive brands (although if i had more money, i probably would). not that im brand conscious but the quality is better. and what i have is more of brand loyalty. i remember when i first owned a pair of adidas shoes and my feet felt the difference and thats why i dont want to change brands.

i think the people around me know that im a difficult person to please when it comes to buying me stuff. i mean, im even having difficulties buying stuff for myself. i really have to convince myself sometimes to settle for something else or completely not get anything. usually, i opt for the latter. settling for an alternative usually ends in disappointment.

home on a saturday night

and my siblings showed me this trending video on youtube. aside from the words "electric bill" and "fire hazard" comes to mind, i really find this impressive. and to think i was impressed with Ted's christmas lights on the recent episode of HIMYM (even if i was really annoyed with Ted's persistence to cheer Robin up).

Do you want to know why I use a knife? - the joker

i no longer carry my dagger with me (the one i used to use as a replacement for the swiss army knife i lost in a place i vowed never to return again). im not referring to my cellphone. im referring to the one that was found in my possession last year by Supreme Court personnel and i was absolutely clueless that it was illegal to have such a thing in my person. that explains the surprised and puzzled look from the security guards because i even told them that i will just leave it with them at their counter since i obviously cant take it with me when i enter the supreme court and i will just get it when im about to leave (the guards quizically looked at each other as if telepathically asking each other "what should we do? is he serious or just stupid to make such a request?"). i dont take it with me anymore now that im aware its illegal to carry it with me, like an unlicensed firearm.

how the hell should i know its illegal? i bought it from some street peddler. but then again, my fellow lawyer told me that pirated DVDs are sold as if they were legitimate items but that doesnt change its illegal nature. he ordered me never to bring such an item anywhere (well, during the time i was clueless its illegal, i was always carrying it with me like when i go to courts, when i went to the Senate, the House of Representatives and other government agencies. it was unintentional since i forgot it was in my bag. ive been carrying it since when i was in law school)

i remember a blockmate asked me whats a nice gift to give to a guy. she was wondering then what to give to her boyfriend for christmas. i answered quickly without hesitation --- a knife. she just gave me a puzzled look that likewise says im crazy. she even asked "a knife?" in a tone that also says "wtf? seriously?".  i dont know. i just have a thing for knives and blades i guess. if i had a lots of money to spare, i would probably be a knife collector.

loling pei pah

every year my alma mater sends me birthday greetings. got one this year and i was at home to receive it. i think i got it about a week ago and its only now that i thought of reading it (as in right now while writing this). i havent been reading the ones sent to me in the recent years (but i still have it. somewhere lost in my room. i dont even know where i placed the message paper given to me by law school friends during the bar exams. i dont know what its called but koreans seem to call it as "rolling paper" where people write "intimate" messages for a particular person on a piece of paper. anyway, i know where my "rolling paper" is in my room. i just dont know where it is exactly. i know its somewhere in my stack of review materials). i appreciate the time and money spent by my university on these birthday letters but its not something im really eager to receive and read. i remember receiving birthday cards from cousins and friends when i was in high school and college.

last year during the bar review, i had the itch to rummage through old stuff that has sentimental value (and i was looking for my dog tags. come to think of it, i forgot where i placed it after i found it last year. damn it!). it was 2am of July 2010 and i chanced upon one of the birthday cards given to me during college. so far its the biggest birthday card i received and i remember when i received it, some of the letters were falling off (makes me wonder if its really our block's cardmaker who did this since its a bit uncharacteristic of her to do such a thing. unless the resources were really scarce). the booklet beside the card is some kind of planner given to our batch during our senior year and the CD, if im not mistaken, contains a video of our cheap graduation.

i think i injured my left knee.

why the hell did i decide to sprint last saturday? sometimes i really have the urge to run. when im in the mood while walking, i walk faster. while walking faster, i get the urge to jog. while jogging, i get the urge to run. when i run, i get the urge to run faster (the same way when im intoxicated and im on a clear highway). and since i have a very low stamina, i just run fast for more or less a minute.

last saturday, i just felt like running even for a short while. during my short run, i thought my knee was just being a pain in the ass. the day after, i thought its just some sore muscle. it even improved yesterday. there was still some slight discomfort but i felt it subsiding. so i went for a jog again yesterday. i havent even completely started i can imagine my left knee saying "dont you do it motherfucker". i started to jog anyway and my knee sent me signals its in pain. it was tolerable so i ignored it (i have this mentality of pushing my body parts to the limit. if it cant handle the pressure, its not good enough for me and im disappointed to have such a body part). after some time, i guess i got used to the pain so i didnt feel much pain or discomfort. i thought, at least its not making a popping or clicking sound so it must just be some sore muscle (my left knee sometimes clicks when i walk. it just happened in some random day). 

now the day after, theres some slight swelling just below the knee cap. i can still walk and i can still bend my leg but there's a slight discomfort and a sharp pain when i twist my leg in a certain way. crap. left knee was serious. sorry for not listening to you left knee but you have to admit, right knee is fine and you have to keep up with it. left knee might be saying "fuck you man! me and right knee are a pair. dont you fucking test me again or im going to break you". im tempted to just walk later but i think it would be better to skip a few days and allow my knee to rest (and figure out whether its really an injury or not).

i guess my role has always been to defy

the president is attacking the Supreme Court again and i cant stop myself from reading the comments of idiots in online news websites. i have yet to read a sensible comment who actually sees the big picture or sees life in shades of gray. it seems the people who makes comments on online articles are those who view things in black and white. sometimes i just want to write "think out of the box you idiots. the issue isnt as simple as good vs. bad".

seeing the comments of opinionated idiots make my head spin (sometimes a headache). i dont think im better than them but their comments certainly make me feel that way. not because one can write in english with perfect grammar does not mean one's argument is already good or even valid. not because one is advocating for the common good means that anyone who begs to differ is already an advocate of something evil (again, life is filled with shades of gray). i think these are the people who shoot from the hip and always misses the target. i think these people are no different from the close minded followers of the philippine catholic church. well, at least they have their opinions and have the balls to share it (which is a good thing. but its really frustrating to read their opinions)

i hope lawyers speak up to clarify the legal issue to the public because the Supreme Court cant do it by itself. but then again, after reading the comments, i wonder if after explaining to them the legal aspect they would actually be enlightened of the actions of the Supreme Court. kind of reminds me of the comment of a blogger who said that there's no point trying to talk to these kind of people (he was referring to the immature people who post comments in youtube). all we can do is wait for them to grow up, if that will ever happen. maybe people should just listen to Sen. Santiago. she seems to be always in the right track and she can educate people regarding legal issues in a humorous manner. she may be crazy but its undeniable that she knows the law very well.

anyway, this is what ive been expecting under the aquino presidency. for the people to be vocal of their support for the administration (enough with the silent majority) and that the six years become a learning process for everyone, not only for the incompetent executive who as ive expected, easy to manipulate. but im frustrated that there's still a lot of aquino supporters who are slow in learning or too close minded.

its nice to see that there are some comments that reflect some discernment. they dont necessarily withdraw their support but they give their support with caution. they see the mistakes of the administration, acknowledge it and try to see ways to correct it. i hope their numbers increase and they become more active in providing their support. i hope they become a dominant force and overturn those who are currently in the administration due to self-interest or not even qualified for the job. these kind of supporters are the ones who are in the position to educate and enforce discipline in their ranks. these are the kind of citizens this country needs.

Now that's what I call high quality H2O - bobby boucher

ever since i saw my piss in a bottle last month due to the drug testing required for license renewal, ive been obsessed with hydrating. ive got the darkest piss in the counter and it wasnt just a shade darker. my piss was shades apart from the next darkest piss. so i thought, "crap. im suffering from dehydration. if not, im getting there".

i dont know why i became concerned. im the guy who survived college with one glass of water a day. well, not really one but one glass during the day and probably another during dinner (yes, probably since there are times i dont even drink before, during or after dinner). so an average of one glass of water per day. since i dont move a lot, i really dont get thirsty often. there was even a time during the summer of junior year that i didnt drink anything but coca-cola for month. one coke in can for one month, nothing else. i ended up with a urinary tract infection.

i managed to survive with so little water because i was a creepy thin guy who doesnt need much of it. i rarely move too. with the weight increase, obviously, i will need more water but since i didnt adjust my water intake despite the weight gain, i was heading towards dehydration without knowing it. i think my water intake has been insufficient since last year and i was absolutely clueless. my "triangle of death" has been showing signs that i might be dehydrated but i just thought i just need a new razor. it was only last month that i finally figured out that the solution to my problem was pure and simple. more water.

now, im obsessed with hydrating myself. problem is, i have a goddamn OAB. i had it checked months ago and the doc said it was probably caused by stress. its kind of something permanent and all ive gots to do is train myself. or train my brain not to piss a lot

black pearl kkabyul

no solicitar por favor

maybe i should make a shirt saying "do not solicit this person". or "no soliciting allowed"

more than a month ago, while having lunch with a friend, some stranger handed us envelopes soliciting for some small change to help support their choir. i initially wanted to ignore it, saying to my friend that im a frequent victim of solicitations but my friend wanted to give some small amount. so i pitched in telling the person who gave the envelope that im going to check if they really are a legit choir.

for some reason, people who solicit aid for some small church or musical group or just about any cause or reason always try to go to me. there's a lot of them in trinoma and i thought maybe they choose me because im often alone. but last month, in the cemetery, while i was with my relatives, i was the one who was approached first by this kind of solicitors. my cousin joked that i looked like i have some money to spare. seriously? im currently struggling where to find funds for my medical expenses (i dont know what i did wrong last monday but come monday night, i was feeling the pain again. i thought my condition was improving and i was hoping i wouldnt need to undergo two expensive medical procedures. i wont let my 13th month pay go to some shitty medical expenses). i dont even have any money for medical concerns of my family.

but then again, with the kind of lifestyle i have, maybe people do get the impression i have money to spare. back in law school, my friend asked how much my allowance was. after i answered, he said i must have saved a lot. i replied, well, not really. i spend a lot on food. whatever small amount i saved, i use for stuff i like. im not good with money unless necessity arises (like the bar exams. i successfully managed my expenses to make my savings last for months until the end of the bar exams). the only money i have that i dont touch is my emergency savings. any money not part of that can be spent (and wasted) on anything. until now, food takes a big chunk out of my salary.

ok, maybe im not addressing the solicitation thing properly. i mean, all they're asking is small change. surely their needs are much more serious compared to mine since the reason they are soliciting is because they arent well off or capable of earning enough. well, i see that but the question that always comes to mind is, "are they legit?" are they seriously soliciting on behalf of some church, choir or did they really lose their homes to a fire, calamity, etc? like i said to my friend, local government units or agencies can address those concerns. some NGO could provide assistance. surely there's someone or something that exists meant to address their financial concerns or problems (they can go to their congressperson or some generous senator). the only soliciting entity i recognize are the ones posted by the Philippine Red Cross at the MRT counters. i always give my change to those people because they're legit (they have to be). any other random stranger that solicits aid should provide some proof other than some envelope or letter. i dont want my small change going to some fraudulent cause.

gots to be nimble, gots to be quick

got me self a bloody shoe! not that ive bought a new pair already but i literally have blood on my shoe. the skin on my achilles tendon area kept scraping the back of my shoe and i didnt even feel it. and its the part (well, the ankle area) that im trying to strengthen because im the type of person who twists a lot due to sudden change of directions so my legs and feet need to keep up with my sudden change of mind. so far, the two weeks of familiarizing my body with my new weight has restored my nimbleness (or at least im satisfied with it since i havent fully restored my being lightfooted. thats how strong my ankles and feet were. it could support my entire body easily). currently, my ankles seem to be not having any troubles keeping up. i think the only part thats still needs to get used to my new weight are my knees. my knees have always been weak so i know it will take time.


i dont know why its a big deal for me to remain agile and quick. it really bothered me weeks ago. i dont even move a lot. its just knowing for sure that im agile and quick gives me some peace of mind even if i dont really make use of it on a daily basis or even foresee having the need for it.

i wonder if i can flush laziness out of my system

i think i might need to buy a new pair of running shoes. i only have one pair and its currently wet and soggy.

i jogged in the rain a while ago. i was just itching to do it since i wasnt able to jog yesterday. so after deliberating for half an hour whether to go jogging/walking since dark clouds clearly signify it will rain, i put on my running shoes and headed out. ten minutes later, the drops came. another 10 minutes, it started to rain. i havent even started yet and it was pouring really hard already. but that didnt stop me. since i was expecting that i would get caught in the rain, i already wrapped my cellphone and mp3 player in a plastic bag. after making sure both are secure in my pockets, i started to jog under the rain.

i think my innate sense of athleticism is starting to take back the years ive kept it locked up. up until early highschool, i was an active kid. i always played a lot outdoors, under the intense heat of the sun which i think is the reason why my exposed limbs are dark. i wasnt good in sports but i played basketball, soccer (i even had a pair of soccer shoes), table tennis and badminton. i think i started to take the path to laziness when i started skipping PE classes just to spend more time with my pretty science teacher who always smells so nice (really nice. i havent met any girl who smells better than her). my science class comes prior to my PE class during freshman year in high school (which is an all boys school) and i always tell my science teacher that im going to stay behind for a bit to help her with the laboratory equipments (i remember taking deep breaths whenever she's close to me to savor her sexy scent). since i sort of skipped PE classes during my freshman year, i was no longer as physically active come sophomore year (also, this was the year i started to change my personality). by junior and senior year, all i do during PE class was sleep. since then, i just started to have an aversion to physical activity.

anyway, if i manage to keep this up (or my body keeps having the itch to move), i guess the days of my lazy physical self could be numbered.

some crazy talk coming atcha

normally, i would post this kind of post in another blog but this one makes some sense (to me anyway) so i think its better to be categorized here (so im doing my future self a favor by making this post easier to find) instead on the blog where i post irrational crazy stuff.

lately ive noticed that i have ceased to amaze people. well, i still amaze people who still dont know me or still in the process of getting to know me but for those who have known me for quite some time now, i feel ive gone stale. this is no surprise of course. as early as sophomore year in college, ive noticed that my ability to make people laugh grows weak over time the more friends get to know me better. those who have known me for half a decade dont laugh as hard as the first time i showed my sense of humor to them.  this isnt limited to my sense of humor of course but this is what made me realize that familiarity makes me lose my flavor. and losing my flavor makes me bored with myself because i see people as mirrors, including myself. if im not getting anything from a person, i wont have anything to reflect back. that is why one friend noticed that i only show "signs of life" when im with our bubbly blockmate (in a block composed of 30 plus peeps, only one girl can really "wake" me up). well, thats why i also said to another friend that it only takes a few minutes to see if a girl is someone worth spending time with. ive went out with a few women and there are those whom i can establish good chemistry with in minutes and these are the ones who are usually worth dating. the others were just waste of time. and money of course. ive realized, that with my current personality of viewing people as mirrors, im really dependent on other people in generating reactions or creating interest.

anyway, because of such realization, three years ago i thought that by the time i hit 28, im going to reinvent myself. not only because i have ceased to amaze friends and old acquaintances but i really need a different state of mind to achieve what i have in mind (or what i have planned four years ago). but then again, i really dont want to change myself in a manner i will lose my essence (i like the way i am but at the same time, im not quite satisfied). so i thought the only way to do it is to revive my former self (a very likeable self but equally annoying and certainly tiring). the one i refer to as my personality from childhood up to my early 1997 self (i changed to my exact opposite sometime in 1997). in order to do that, i need to remove my "mental defenses" or simply loosen up (because ever since 1998, ive decided to play roles or go into characters which people dont want to play or one that is available. by 1999 i came up with the idea of "compartmentalizing" personas and emotions). in order to loosen up, its like removing eight nails from a tightly closed casket. i mean, i have seven distinct personalities and i dont think its a good idea to come up with another one. seven is more than a handful to deal with already. so instead of creating a new one, its time to merge them (besides its been years since ive used some of the personas). this reminds me of a YM conversation with a college friend. i think this was our only YM conversation. if not, this one is the most memorable. she told me that there will come a time when all my personalities will merge into one. my reaction then that its unlikely to occur (i dont know why we were even having it as a topic. we rarely talked but we talked about a really tricky subject. hmm. im too lazy to find the transcript of the conversation to enlighten me why we were talking about it). well, now im the one who will intentionally do it. whether its about time or not, whether i can actually merge all seven and create the eighth personality which is simply a revival of my old self because the seven are just divisions of my old self (just like the way Father in Full Metal Alchemist purged out the seven deadly sins to become a perfect being which turned him into a bored and emotionless being. now that i think about it, my state of mind when i was a high school student is exactly similar to Father's state of mind. wow, i sort of actually achieved what Father did, only ever since 2004, ive started to drift away from that state of mind, yet more than half a decade later, it still remains a dominant state of mind), i dont have a definite answer. but i do have a plan and i initiated it weeks ago. now, all i have to do is stick to that plan and find out by next year if the plan is working or feasible at the very least. and this post will serve as my reminder of my decision (just in case my future self becomes overwhelmed of the process of unlocking stuff in my mind and forget the whole point of the objective. sometimes i wonder how unaware people are of the contents of their minds) or could help me see how far i can manage before i decide to stop with the plan.

again, please show me some evidence

not sure if its the lack of sleep but i cant stop myself from reacting

ive been confronted again with the rumor that i have a girlfriend (but i will have to say that nothing beats the rumor that i have a lawyer girlfriend when i was still a law student). i dont know where people keep getting this idea (i even had to check my facebook if there's anything that would indicate such a thing. i found nothing). if this was asked earlier this year, i would have denied it but it would have been plausible for people to think of such a thing because i went out with someone last May (well, technically its not me but one of my personas). if it were asked March last year, then it could have been equally acceptable to be asked because i was dating someone then for a couple of months (again not me. in effect, strictly speaking, i have never dated anyone after 2007). if i were asked a year earlier, it would have been likewise reasonable to have been asked since i really had someone in mind but unfortunately it didnt work out because i miserably failed (im not a believer of moving heaven and earth to win someone's heart. if i really dont like someone, she can do the impossible and i still wont give a fuck what she thinks of me. there's a big difference between possibly liking someone and not liking someone from the very beginning). but to be asked about it now when i havent went out with anyone for months? so now im wondering what have i been up to this latter half of the year? im really starting to entertain the fact that either someone is intentionally claiming or spreading this kind of rumor to annoy me or one of my personalities managed to take over without me knowing it (if the latter one is true, im going to torture myself if this girl doesnt meet my standards). thats why when asked if i have a girlfriend, i respond "well, show me who she is because i keep hearing about her but i have no idea who the hell she is".

maybe i got pissed by the question because my sleep was interrupted. to wake up to an absurd question is annoying. how dare you ask such a question thats not worth a single brain cell!

live performance on MAMA 2011

after seeing SNSD and 2ne1's performance in the recent award show held in Singapore, i would have to say that 2NE1 did a better job. 2ne1's performance is more solid and has a stronger impact compared to snsd's (the three minute intro made me think of wrestling intro meets cheerleading). im not disappointed since snsd's got a hectic and tight schedule and it wont be any good to put more pressure on them (because if i were an unreasonably insensitive boss, which i do have a tendency to become, i might say "kids, its ok to have fun but i cant let this incident slide. its sloppy based from my standards. clearly not good enough because its not perfect", not taking into consideration that the group has been working their asses off this year with an insane number of concerts, hopping from one country to another (or one continent to another), tv appearances and regular tv programs. but then again, if i only think of the money the group generates, then as long as i profit, as long as they sell to the millions of fans, they can do whatever they want). but i have to admit 2NE1 really made a better live performance.

ive got a package. a pink package.

i was in a bit of a bad mood earlier but all that changed around 7pm.

i was planning on going for a jog/walk (it would have been my sixth day since i started last week) because the weather was really nice. it just rained and the wind was still cold. but i decided not to jog because i barely slept last night. i slept around 3am and i had a scheduled hearing at 8:30. so the fact that i didnt go jogging/walking made me a bit disappointed because i was really in the mood but i was feeling lightheaded due to lack of sleep. i thought maybe i could just take a long walk, go get me self an Elvis Sandwich and then walk back home but my bed managed to convince me to just sleep the bad mood off. i was also expecting a package i ordered from Hong Kong since yesterday and i thought it would be delayed by another day. so i said "sleep it is"


my sleep was interrupted when my cousin called, asking for help. i checked the clock and it was around 7pm. i thought, i guess no package today. when i was just about to go to my cousin's place, someone from downstairs shouted there's a delivery guy with a box. crap. its mine! my father was the one who received it but i quickly followed to check if it really was the DVD set i ordered. true enough, it was for me. it took five days for me to receive the online order. i ordered it last november 26, as a gift for myself. it was shipped on the 28th. in transit to destination on the 29th. arrived in Manila on the 30th. out for delivery on the same day but was delayed so i received it today, the 1st of December. the website said it would take 6-14 days to deliver the order but since i was tracking the order on the delivery service website (but the delivery guy was from DHL), i thought it would take less time since it already arrived in the Philippines yesterday. im just glad to receive it sooner than the expected shipping and delivery time. i thought i would be getting it around the 5th of december.


anyway, when i opened the contents of the package, i didnt know the DVD set (6 DVDs) would be in a baby pink square case large enough to put in a 12 inch vinyl LP record. well, its not surprising for it to be in pink but i didnt expect it to be as large as a coffee table book (or as heavy). the material of the case is similar to a hard bound book cover with a non-glossy finish. the contents are ok. the case itself is slightly damaged but i was expecting it because of the reviews. i think im taking this being a fan thing to another level.

now im on a search for the elusive black new york yankees cap. i checked the MLB website and its not offering the one im looking for. or maybe try to find out if anyone's selling the Eheads reunion concert DVDs (i really regret not buying it when it was still available)

nice parody

although ive seen this vid months ago, i didnt know there was a version of this parody that was this long. this japanese gag show's attention to detail is amazing. makes local gag shows' parodies look cheap. i can imagine that current fans of snsd who will someday end up in retirement homes might do this in annual parties or events to reminisce the days when they were fans.

people should know that there's always room for forgiveness in the administration of justice

snsd won another award and they're receiving a lot of hate from another fandom. barely more than a year since i got hooked to this kpop group, im now becoming more aware with the kind of hate they've been receiving since 2007. being on top really is stressful. i never imagined how hateful people can get simply because their kpop group lost to snsd. its as if snsd did something unforgivable by winning an award.

anyway, i deal with hateful people frequently. and they are very stressful indeed.

clients really take the adversarial nature of litigation seriously. unlike lawyers who can throw insults at each other without getting personal, clients seem to take offense at every single thing delivered by the opposing party. they tend to focus on the negative and likewise twist their perception of something positive to turn it into something negative. its like they try to find something wrong with the opposing party simply because its the opponent. im not the type who joins my clients in bad mouthing the opposing party or making the opposing counsel look like the bad guy (although i know its possible that the opposing party's lawyer might be doing that to me when they talk with their clients). i try to stay neutral as possible. but whenever my clients start to go overboard with their hate and accusations, i end up defending the opposing party, pointing out that they are merely asserting their rights and interest. im there to be my clients' advocate but i dont think unduly putting the opposing party in a negative light simply because of hate is something necessary or even useful in asserting my clients' right or interest. sometimes i just want to ask my clients "what's with all the hate?". but then again, i know this will only open the floodgates to a lot more hate they have in store and i will end up like some guidance counselor.

as a teen, ive went through a phase where i embraced hate and allowed myself to immerse in it. i know how destructive hate can be. ive lost a good friend because of it (wait, not really. its because of pride). so i should be used to it by now.  but dealing with other people's hate that's close to the sphere of irrationality is really annoying and makes it difficult for me to not let hate get to me. its infectious and trying to keep hate out of my system is really stressful. my job is to deal with other people's beef with other people and try to settle it amicably but why the fuck do they have to make it so stressful. even if the opposing party is clearly wrong, the ton of hate my clients' are carrying will never help in settling things between them.

going back to snsd, i dont know how they deal with all the hate being hurled at them. so far, they know how to face it beautifully. they know how to deal with the punches. four years of dealing with it not only made them mature but also toughened them up and at the same time taught them how to confront it professionally. as for me, i dont think i can do what they do. they receive hate directed at them but even if they show their pain or are hurt with the hateful comments, they can still react calmly and appear to be not feeling any hate towards the people who threw that hate at them (im not saying they dont feel hate but to be able to appear to be free of hate is a difficult skill to acquire. being professional can be difficult at times especially when some people are completely irrational and unreasonable). like they have achieved some inner peace thats always stable (or im deceived because of their angelic appearance). whenever i deal with hateful clients, even if i can still respond calmly, its a struggle not to show that i have hate within me thats being provoked by the hate im receiving even if that hate is not directed at me. the peace within me is always disturbed.

the korean lyrics are better

the korean lyrics are definitely better but i think this self-centered version will be more marketable in the US compared to a direct translation of the korean lyrics. i really dont like the one minute intro. it was nice at first but after some time, it gets annoying, like hurry up with the music vid already. and i dont get the pigeon thingie. but in the end, i liked it overall and thats what matters. as long as it sells, its going to be ok.

ready, steady, run devil run

lately ive been complaining about my weight. i keep telling people im not used to being this heavy. not that im starting to feel self-conscious but im starting to feel the lack of familiarity with my body. i think my feet are complaining and keep sending my brain signals that its not used to carrying so much weight.

i also feel im slower. im used to being quick and agile. now i feel like a bull in a china shop. and my sagittarian sense of athleticism cant accept im starting to slow down. sure im a lazy ass but its because i can afford to be physically lazy. i check from time to time whether im still agile and physically strong enough even without exercise and up until a few months ago, i was satisfied with the results. my stamina and endurance were never my strong points but im proud of my speed and agility. when i realized that im not fast enough and agile enough, that started bothering me (now, i cant do my slick dance moves). i felt my body is no longer in sync with what i want it to accomplish or expect it to accomplish. my sense of coordination isnt as good since im no longer familiar with my current weight. before, i can quickly change directions, even in mid-stride, and not fall off balance or get myself injured (if only i played basketball, i would certainly be an ankle breaker). now, i dont even bother avoiding hitting things. i just bump against it knowing my body can take it. and thats not really what i like to be. i dont want to be some hulk like figure. but i also dont want to lose the weight ive gained since i find it interesting to be this heavy too (its like steve rogers amazement after he stepped out of the super soldier thingamajig only in my case, the body ive acquired still needs training). so i decided to exercise a bit to train myself and familiarize myself with this new body. i want to restore, or at least gain satisfactory speed, agility and flexibility. i really have a thing for speed i guess.

this isnt the sole reason why i started to jog. sure the realization has been bothering me for weeks but its not really what made me start jogging or start training myself to become more familiar with my current body. there are other factors of course but this one is one of the main reasons. unfortunately for my brain, which has been nagging me months ago, health isnt one of them reasons that made me decide to exercise. i aint doing this to be heathier, although its something that comes along with it. 

so far so good.

i just bought me self a new pair of earphones (Philips SHQ4000). ive been checking it for over a year (when my brother saw i finally i bought it, he said it took me a year to buy it). not that its that expensive but...well it is expensive. the most expensive pair ive bought. but compared to the earphones i really wanted, it would be considered cheap.

the reason i bought it is because its sweat proof, claims to be waterproof and convenient to use when exercising. i also like the design (except the color). i prefer the in-ear, neckband design over earbuds with clips. after using it for almost a week, its really comfortable and lightweight. i like the way it fits on my ears. after prolonged use, i hardly notice im wearing it. i tried putting it under running tap water once and it still worked but im still not that convinced its water proof.

the reason it took me a year to buy it is because i wasnt sure if i can use it as incentive or motivation to exercise. now that ive decided to jog frequently (this remains to be seen), i thought its about time to get them earphones. also the price already dropped (since its been available for quite some time now. i think Philips recently released its next batch of sports earphones, ones with volume control). the price drop wasnt much but its still enough to save a few hundred pesos.

as for the sound quality, well, its Philips. its not as good (or as loud) as my ordinary earphones but for exercising purposes, and noise-cancelling ability, the sound quality isnt bad.

a necessary evil device

got my alarm clock back! well, not that it was lost or anything but it just so happens to be sitting idly on top of a messy desk filled with dust for almost a decade without a battery. i dont know what took me so long to buy a new battery for it. it just needs a single double A battery but for some reason, i didnt buy it one. so it was just there, waiting patiently to be used again.

the thing i like with this alarm clock is that it can wake me up in seconds (unlike the cellphone alarm where there are times that i dont wake up at all because i fail to hear it). the weird thing about the cellphone alarm is that it can condition me to wake up seconds before it alarms. if i set it at 6am, i wake up for two to three consecutive days at 5:59am. so all i had to do is wait for the alarm to go off then hit the snooze or stop button, depending on my mood.

there's no snooze button in my high school alarm clock (yep, ive had it since high school and stopped using it during college simply because its battery ran out of juice. also, i really dont need an alarm clock during college) and i cant reset it as easily as a cellphone alarm since it cant be set accurately in minutes. if i can reset the cellphone alarm to sound off again in half an hour or fifteen minutes later, i can only reset the alarm clock one hour later. limited options makes the alarm clock somewhat better since i would be forced to just wake up because one hour later would be too late. but then again, given my dislike for waking up early in the morning, i just used my alarm clock as a supplement to my cellphone alarm (or the other way around). its the first one that will go off, followed by my cellphones minutes later. at least this time, the alarm clock guarantees to wake me up at a particular time.

its like part of my body

got my laptop back! well, got it more than two weeks ago. after four years of using it (my sister used it by bringing it to her office in 2007, i used it from time to time in 2008 and then used it daily since 2009 until the time it broke on  the third week of october of this year), its hinges broke due to wear and tear. actually one of its hinges already broke as early as 2009, while i was staying in a nice little studio apartment in the Taft Avenue area. so its been operating with one hinge since 2009 and it just broke down two years later.

im glad to be reunited with it. aside from the fact it contains a lot of files since 2009 (including my bar review materials and law office documents), it already became a part of my daily life. i remember when it broke down weeks ago, it disrupted my daily routine. it also affected my work since without it, i had to use the office computer and share it with our office secretary (our office only has one computer).

i was also forced to use the desktop PC at home. using it isnt bad since its got better specs and a larger flat screen. only problem is, the desktop PC's settings are not personalized, and i cant personalize it, to my preferences (since its like a public computer, primarily used by my sister). when i surf the net, i already have regular websites i go to in my laptop's browser and usually avoid going to new websites (my sister criticizes me that using the internet that way is boring. well, i would rather have a laptop that's virus free. i can try to find other ways of making life interesting by doing exciting things than risking going to a virus infected website).

im already used to this laptop that i dont even want to think of buying a replacement for it (although i started window shopping for a replacement when the repair shop told me that there are other problems aside from the hinges. they told me that after fixing the hinges, another problem arose. somehow the broken hinges affected other parts of the laptop, particularly the screen). not sure how long this laptop will last with its new hinges. so far its still working fine. but i think i need to start saving up for a replacement just in case it can no longer be revived the next time it breaks down.  

i thinks i forgots how to writes during the times my laptop was aways.