this is the third time i received the email. first was back in february 2004. next was august of 2006. and now august of 2008. two year intervals. hmmm.
when i saw the email in my inbox, i said, "not again!". it made me paranoid because in the first two instances i received the email, something enters my life that just changes things. it is of such siginificant change that i would say its a chapter of its own (if i divided my life into chapters).
it might be just a coincidence that after receiving the email, i undergo some form of phase. or maybe the email just makes me aware of the changes that are happening. it doesnt necessarily induce it. and the changes usually involve emotions and relationships. maybe im just paranoid. i have no way of confirming this anytime soon. but it will happen within six months. so maybe it is just paranoia. wait. now that i metioned months, i just realized, the most crucial month of the change occurs on the sixth month. i mean, the definitive month while i am undergoing the phase is the sixth month. its not the month where the phase ends but its the most notable month. when i received the email on february 2004, something fucked up happened to me on august 2004. when i received the email on august 2006, something fucked up happened to me on february 2007. so should i watch out for february 2009? crap. paranoia galore.
Sunday, August 31, 2008
was the eraserheads reunion concert worth it?
the eheads reunion concert was cut short because ely buendia was rushed to the hospital for health reasons (obviously. why rush to the hospital if not for health reasons or health related concerns?). they performed for about one hour and a half and sang15 songs.
so was it worth it? it depends.
for those cheap bastards like me who just stayed outside or cant afford to buy a ticket, its worth it if we went there just to hear Ely Buendia sing as an eraserhead, sing an ehead song and perform with his ehead bandmates, Raimund, Marcus and Buddy. just to hear the great eraserheads perform makes the reunion concert worth going to, even without seeing them (but of course, i wished i had the extra money to buy the ticket. i had enough money for the ticket, but its not extra money i could spend to buy one)
to those who stayed outside just to listen and find out who the hell are the eraserheads because they were too young to appreciate the eraserheads when they were still together, it depends if they were able to appreciate the eheads by listening to them live without seeing them. i doubt they were able to appreciate the band or even see the greatness of the band. most of them were just loitering there and making fun of each other and other people. its like, they just go to any concert just to hang out. it sort of ruins the atmosphere for those people who actually sing along with the band and even dance a little. im not one of those people. i was observing people while the eheads were performing. usually, its the crowd with the same age group as the eheads who have facial expressions of excitement and delight to hear the eraserheads perform again, who sing along with ely or dance to the beat of the songs. the younger crowd on the other hand were mostly just loiterers. when i say younger crowd, i mean those who look like they're currently highschool students (and dressed like emos). i guess thats the price of staying outside.
for those who bought tickets, regardless of the price, it depends again. if they were satisfied to simply see the eheads together again, its very much worth it. especially if its true that its the first, last and only eheads reunion concert. of course, there are those who doubt it. some say there might be another reunion concert, maybe even another eheads album. for me, its like asking too much given the relationship between the band members.
but i think some of those who bought tickets were a bit pissed or not satisfied because the concert was cut short. i overheard someone say that he is the one that should be hospitalized because of the unfortunate outcome of the concert. most of the people who were leaving the concert area was saying it was "bitin", including my sister (who by the way didnt buy a ticket). some would say it was a waste of money because halfway through the concert, there were still people lining up outside. by the time all of them got inside, it was already the 20 minute break. and after the 20 minute break, Ely didnt come back on stage anymore because he was rushed to the hospital. so there were people who bought tickets who werent able to see the eheads perform or if they were able to see them, probably saw them perform one or two songs. for P800, thats a waste of money for some people (unless of course, he or she is the kind of fan who is happy just to see the eheads perform together, especially if its true that its the last time they will perform together, then P800 might be worth it).
i guess there will be people who will hate Ely Buendia more because he is the reason why the Eheads Reunion Concert was cut short (like my siblings who are joking that Ely just wanted to leave). im not one of them. sure, ive grown to dislike Mr. Buendia because of the rumors that he is the cause of the break-up of the original eheads (he denies it of course but it appears to be "public knowledge" that Ely is the ehead member that is the least cooperative and appears to be the obstacle to the idea of a reunited eraserheads, thats what appears to me anyway so im not saying this is a conclusive presumption, its a disputable presumption). but credit has to be given to Ely Buendia for allowing the reunion to happen (this is assuming of course that he is indeed the one who doesnt approve that the eheads be reunited). aside from his health condition, his mother died recently. its really very difficult for him to let the concert push through under such circumstances. im not saying that im satisfied with the 15 song, 1 hour and 30 minute concert. im hoping there could be more of course. but since i didnt pay or buy a ticket, im not in a position to complain. and seeing or hearing them perform again is already an unforgettable experience. its just natural for fans to ask for more. what im saying is Ely Buendia should not be blamed for the unfortunate outcome of the reunion concert. maybe this wont happen. maybe the people who were ranting while walking out of the concert area were just stunned of the unfortunate outcome of the concert. well, these are just some people. no one can please everybody.
so was it worth it? for me just going there was worth it. but since i didnt buy a ticket, and listened to the performance for free, just going there to stand for an hour and half to hear them perform is very much worth it. but if i had a ticket, it depends. if i were able to see the entire concert or a substantial portion of it, its worth it. but if i were one of those who bought the ticket and didnt get to see them perform or saw them perform two to three songs, i would have a hard time deciding if i got my money's worth. its still possible to say its worth it but knowing that people has the same experience for free will make me think whether i should have bought a ticket. but then again, its me, and i have the tendency to have high expectations (or get the value of what i paid for)
so was it worth it? it depends.
for those cheap bastards like me who just stayed outside or cant afford to buy a ticket, its worth it if we went there just to hear Ely Buendia sing as an eraserhead, sing an ehead song and perform with his ehead bandmates, Raimund, Marcus and Buddy. just to hear the great eraserheads perform makes the reunion concert worth going to, even without seeing them (but of course, i wished i had the extra money to buy the ticket. i had enough money for the ticket, but its not extra money i could spend to buy one)
to those who stayed outside just to listen and find out who the hell are the eraserheads because they were too young to appreciate the eraserheads when they were still together, it depends if they were able to appreciate the eheads by listening to them live without seeing them. i doubt they were able to appreciate the band or even see the greatness of the band. most of them were just loitering there and making fun of each other and other people. its like, they just go to any concert just to hang out. it sort of ruins the atmosphere for those people who actually sing along with the band and even dance a little. im not one of those people. i was observing people while the eheads were performing. usually, its the crowd with the same age group as the eheads who have facial expressions of excitement and delight to hear the eraserheads perform again, who sing along with ely or dance to the beat of the songs. the younger crowd on the other hand were mostly just loiterers. when i say younger crowd, i mean those who look like they're currently highschool students (and dressed like emos). i guess thats the price of staying outside.
for those who bought tickets, regardless of the price, it depends again. if they were satisfied to simply see the eheads together again, its very much worth it. especially if its true that its the first, last and only eheads reunion concert. of course, there are those who doubt it. some say there might be another reunion concert, maybe even another eheads album. for me, its like asking too much given the relationship between the band members.
but i think some of those who bought tickets were a bit pissed or not satisfied because the concert was cut short. i overheard someone say that he is the one that should be hospitalized because of the unfortunate outcome of the concert. most of the people who were leaving the concert area was saying it was "bitin", including my sister (who by the way didnt buy a ticket). some would say it was a waste of money because halfway through the concert, there were still people lining up outside. by the time all of them got inside, it was already the 20 minute break. and after the 20 minute break, Ely didnt come back on stage anymore because he was rushed to the hospital. so there were people who bought tickets who werent able to see the eheads perform or if they were able to see them, probably saw them perform one or two songs. for P800, thats a waste of money for some people (unless of course, he or she is the kind of fan who is happy just to see the eheads perform together, especially if its true that its the last time they will perform together, then P800 might be worth it).
i guess there will be people who will hate Ely Buendia more because he is the reason why the Eheads Reunion Concert was cut short (like my siblings who are joking that Ely just wanted to leave). im not one of them. sure, ive grown to dislike Mr. Buendia because of the rumors that he is the cause of the break-up of the original eheads (he denies it of course but it appears to be "public knowledge" that Ely is the ehead member that is the least cooperative and appears to be the obstacle to the idea of a reunited eraserheads, thats what appears to me anyway so im not saying this is a conclusive presumption, its a disputable presumption). but credit has to be given to Ely Buendia for allowing the reunion to happen (this is assuming of course that he is indeed the one who doesnt approve that the eheads be reunited). aside from his health condition, his mother died recently. its really very difficult for him to let the concert push through under such circumstances. im not saying that im satisfied with the 15 song, 1 hour and 30 minute concert. im hoping there could be more of course. but since i didnt pay or buy a ticket, im not in a position to complain. and seeing or hearing them perform again is already an unforgettable experience. its just natural for fans to ask for more. what im saying is Ely Buendia should not be blamed for the unfortunate outcome of the reunion concert. maybe this wont happen. maybe the people who were ranting while walking out of the concert area were just stunned of the unfortunate outcome of the concert. well, these are just some people. no one can please everybody.
so was it worth it? for me just going there was worth it. but since i didnt buy a ticket, and listened to the performance for free, just going there to stand for an hour and half to hear them perform is very much worth it. but if i had a ticket, it depends. if i were able to see the entire concert or a substantial portion of it, its worth it. but if i were one of those who bought the ticket and didnt get to see them perform or saw them perform two to three songs, i would have a hard time deciding if i got my money's worth. its still possible to say its worth it but knowing that people has the same experience for free will make me think whether i should have bought a ticket. but then again, its me, and i have the tendency to have high expectations (or get the value of what i paid for)
Eheads reunion song list
1. alapaap
2. ligaya
3. sembreak
4. hey jay
5. harana
6. fruitcake
7. toyang
8. kama supra
9. kailan
10. huwag kang matakot
11. kaliwete
12. with a smile
13. shake yer head
14. huwag mo nang itanong
15. lightyears
too bad the reunion concert was cut short. i was hoping they would sing Overdrive, Poor Man's Grave, Huling El Bimbo, Maling Akala, Tindahan ni Aling Nena, Shirley, Run Barbi Run and Magasin.
2. ligaya
3. sembreak
4. hey jay
5. harana
6. fruitcake
7. toyang
8. kama supra
9. kailan
10. huwag kang matakot
11. kaliwete
12. with a smile
13. shake yer head
14. huwag mo nang itanong
15. lightyears
too bad the reunion concert was cut short. i was hoping they would sing Overdrive, Poor Man's Grave, Huling El Bimbo, Maling Akala, Tindahan ni Aling Nena, Shirley, Run Barbi Run and Magasin.
how i ended up going to the eraserheads reunion concert
the eraserheads reunion concert pushed through on august 30, 8pm. but i didnt expect i would go there. why? because first, i didnt have a ticket. second, i didnt really have the time to go see the concert. or so i thought.
saturday morning of august 30, i knew its the long awaited day of august for many eheads fans. at this point, i wasnt even planning of going. although ive blogged a few days earlier that i wanted to go and see the eheads perform together, i also mentioned in that blog entry that i cant go due to the fact i have lots of stuff to do. the OLA class component for saturday afternoon may have been cancelled but my ADR class somehow nullified the class cancellation because of the assigned work that's due after one week. and assigned work that is due after a week really means that it will take a week to finish. so it meant that saturday night is the only time for me to rest. and going to a concert, although enjoyable, isnt really relaxing. so as of saturday morning, i had no plans of going to the eheads reunion concert.
during lunchtime, i texted two of my friends who were celebrating their birthdays. one of them was diana, who replied that i should go see the eheads reunion concert. i replied that i cant, i have lots of stuff to do.
for some reason, after diana's suggestion of "making time" to see the eheads reunion, i entertained the idea of going. so during IPL class (1pm), i asked jump if he has a ticket to the eheads concert. he said he doesnt have one but its possible to just stay outside the concert grounds. that didnt even cross my mind. so he started texting people who could possibly go with us. unfortunately, we're no longer college students who can just drop whatever we are doing to go some place else on such short notice. almost everyone was unavailable to go to the concert. so we decided to cancel our plan to go to the concert around 430 or 5pm.
unfortunately (or fortunately) for me, i told my siblings i was planning to go to the eheads concert even without a ticket. they thought the idea was stupid at first since whats the point of going there without seeing the eheads perform. although i could afford the ticket, i really dont want to spend money for it since i have lots of expenses for this semester (mostly because of OLA). i dont want to run out of funds. so as much as possible i dont want to buy a ticket. had i known the ticket price a week or two weeks before, i could have saved some money or allotted some of my allowance to buy the P1300 ticket (because i dont want the P800 ticket). thats impossible since the ticket price was announced within the week of the reunion concert. anyway, my siblings really wanted to go and they were willing to buy tickets too (so in effect, they just want a driver because i said im not going to buy a ticket or maybe they know i have enough money to buy a ticket and will force me to buy one once were there). so even if i said im no longer going, they tried to convince me to go to the concert by playing eheads songs and by talking about the eheads while telling me from time to time to go to the concert with them. my brother was always checking the music channels whether they were playing music videos of the eheads. and we were able to see a video of "alapaap" in MTV. and then i told them i dont know how to go to Bonifacio Global City. i need a navigator if im going to drive there. my brother has two words for me, "google earth". i said no but eventually, i decided to check anyway. since i reformatted my hard disk last May or June, google earth was no longer installed in our PC, so i used wikimapia. and when i saw that it wasnt that difficult to go to the concert area, i finally said we will go but in case we get lost (because im just relying on wikimapia and ive never driven there), we will head back home and just rent a DVD and eat fast food. they said ok. so off we went to the concert area. it was already 6pm.
we got there around 7pm. we didnt get lost. i guess i still have good navigation skills. and i make use of the Dirk Gently style of navigation. its simply following the car in front of you which appears to know where it is going. i followed a jeepney when i no longer have road signs to follow. when i saw what appeared to be concert lights, i just took the roads which will lead me to it. and then i followed a car which looked like it was going to park somewhere. luckily, it was indeed going to park somewhere and i ended up lining up for a car park. its not very near the concert grounds but its "reasonably near". and it was 7pm already. most likely its hard to park anywhere nearer. anyway, luckily again, when we got the parking ticket, the parking attendant started informing the guard to stop accepting cars since the parking lot is already full. whew! seems like luck is with me again. they accepted three more cars after us. we were able to park the "mystery machine" by 730pm. 30 minutes before showtime.
we then checked the ticket booth. the tickets are now priced at P844 and P1300 plus. there are still a lot of people buying tickets. i told my siblings we should wait and see whether its good to buy a ticket. it was almost 8pm. if we were going to buy a ticket, it might not be practical since first, there's a very long line which means that the concert might start and were still in line and second once we get in, it might be too crowded already. the only way the ticket will be worth it is if staying outside is totally worthless. so we loitered outside for a while. when the concert started, it wasnt that bad. you can hear the eheads perform. you can see the stage effects and the screen. you can see ely buendia but not the other eheads (it was like watching him perform on the opposite side of the sunken garden (educ building) from malcolm building or maybe nearer. thats the bad thing about being outside, you dont have the view of the Eraserheads. at least its not that crowded. there's a crowd outside too but there's space to move. and the crowd outside isnt fun to be with.
so thats how i ended up listening to the eheads reunion concert.
saturday morning of august 30, i knew its the long awaited day of august for many eheads fans. at this point, i wasnt even planning of going. although ive blogged a few days earlier that i wanted to go and see the eheads perform together, i also mentioned in that blog entry that i cant go due to the fact i have lots of stuff to do. the OLA class component for saturday afternoon may have been cancelled but my ADR class somehow nullified the class cancellation because of the assigned work that's due after one week. and assigned work that is due after a week really means that it will take a week to finish. so it meant that saturday night is the only time for me to rest. and going to a concert, although enjoyable, isnt really relaxing. so as of saturday morning, i had no plans of going to the eheads reunion concert.
during lunchtime, i texted two of my friends who were celebrating their birthdays. one of them was diana, who replied that i should go see the eheads reunion concert. i replied that i cant, i have lots of stuff to do.
for some reason, after diana's suggestion of "making time" to see the eheads reunion, i entertained the idea of going. so during IPL class (1pm), i asked jump if he has a ticket to the eheads concert. he said he doesnt have one but its possible to just stay outside the concert grounds. that didnt even cross my mind. so he started texting people who could possibly go with us. unfortunately, we're no longer college students who can just drop whatever we are doing to go some place else on such short notice. almost everyone was unavailable to go to the concert. so we decided to cancel our plan to go to the concert around 430 or 5pm.
unfortunately (or fortunately) for me, i told my siblings i was planning to go to the eheads concert even without a ticket. they thought the idea was stupid at first since whats the point of going there without seeing the eheads perform. although i could afford the ticket, i really dont want to spend money for it since i have lots of expenses for this semester (mostly because of OLA). i dont want to run out of funds. so as much as possible i dont want to buy a ticket. had i known the ticket price a week or two weeks before, i could have saved some money or allotted some of my allowance to buy the P1300 ticket (because i dont want the P800 ticket). thats impossible since the ticket price was announced within the week of the reunion concert. anyway, my siblings really wanted to go and they were willing to buy tickets too (so in effect, they just want a driver because i said im not going to buy a ticket or maybe they know i have enough money to buy a ticket and will force me to buy one once were there). so even if i said im no longer going, they tried to convince me to go to the concert by playing eheads songs and by talking about the eheads while telling me from time to time to go to the concert with them. my brother was always checking the music channels whether they were playing music videos of the eheads. and we were able to see a video of "alapaap" in MTV. and then i told them i dont know how to go to Bonifacio Global City. i need a navigator if im going to drive there. my brother has two words for me, "google earth". i said no but eventually, i decided to check anyway. since i reformatted my hard disk last May or June, google earth was no longer installed in our PC, so i used wikimapia. and when i saw that it wasnt that difficult to go to the concert area, i finally said we will go but in case we get lost (because im just relying on wikimapia and ive never driven there), we will head back home and just rent a DVD and eat fast food. they said ok. so off we went to the concert area. it was already 6pm.
we got there around 7pm. we didnt get lost. i guess i still have good navigation skills. and i make use of the Dirk Gently style of navigation. its simply following the car in front of you which appears to know where it is going. i followed a jeepney when i no longer have road signs to follow. when i saw what appeared to be concert lights, i just took the roads which will lead me to it. and then i followed a car which looked like it was going to park somewhere. luckily, it was indeed going to park somewhere and i ended up lining up for a car park. its not very near the concert grounds but its "reasonably near". and it was 7pm already. most likely its hard to park anywhere nearer. anyway, luckily again, when we got the parking ticket, the parking attendant started informing the guard to stop accepting cars since the parking lot is already full. whew! seems like luck is with me again. they accepted three more cars after us. we were able to park the "mystery machine" by 730pm. 30 minutes before showtime.
we then checked the ticket booth. the tickets are now priced at P844 and P1300 plus. there are still a lot of people buying tickets. i told my siblings we should wait and see whether its good to buy a ticket. it was almost 8pm. if we were going to buy a ticket, it might not be practical since first, there's a very long line which means that the concert might start and were still in line and second once we get in, it might be too crowded already. the only way the ticket will be worth it is if staying outside is totally worthless. so we loitered outside for a while. when the concert started, it wasnt that bad. you can hear the eheads perform. you can see the stage effects and the screen. you can see ely buendia but not the other eheads (it was like watching him perform on the opposite side of the sunken garden (educ building) from malcolm building or maybe nearer. thats the bad thing about being outside, you dont have the view of the Eraserheads. at least its not that crowded. there's a crowd outside too but there's space to move. and the crowd outside isnt fun to be with.
so thats how i ended up listening to the eheads reunion concert.
Thursday, August 28, 2008
the eraserheads is...
the best there was, the best there is and the best there ever will be. in my lifetime.
well, its confirmed, the Eheads reunion concert will push through on August 30 in Taguig. the unfortunate thing is or the very, very unfortunate thing is...i wont be able to watch it! the ticket is only P800-P1300 and even if its very affordable, i dont have the time to go and watch a concert. damn it!
when i heard the news that there will be a reunion concert, my friend told me that we have to see it no matter what. its like history in the making. i said sure, i dont think there would be any problems. i thought, what could prevent me from seeing the best rockband of my lifetime. well, i may not be as busy as i was a few months ago but for some reason, i still dont have the time to see the reunited eheads members perform the songs that are considered as the highlight of Philippine music of the 90s. im writing this on august 28. maybe something might happen in the next 48 hours which would allow me to watch the concert. i doubt it. life has never been that nice to me.
well, its confirmed, the Eheads reunion concert will push through on August 30 in Taguig. the unfortunate thing is or the very, very unfortunate thing is...i wont be able to watch it! the ticket is only P800-P1300 and even if its very affordable, i dont have the time to go and watch a concert. damn it!
when i heard the news that there will be a reunion concert, my friend told me that we have to see it no matter what. its like history in the making. i said sure, i dont think there would be any problems. i thought, what could prevent me from seeing the best rockband of my lifetime. well, i may not be as busy as i was a few months ago but for some reason, i still dont have the time to see the reunited eheads members perform the songs that are considered as the highlight of Philippine music of the 90s. im writing this on august 28. maybe something might happen in the next 48 hours which would allow me to watch the concert. i doubt it. life has never been that nice to me.
its a long way to the top
sooner or later someone i know will fall from grace. i think this is something bound to happen.
inevitable? not really. just very, very likely or very probable. when that happens, i will either laugh or shed a tear or two (or maybe cry). depends on who will fall from grace of course. im in a world where some people prioritize their careers. and when i say prioritize, they put their careers above everything else. and there are some who are struggling in life that you hope that life doesnt break them and crush their spirits or place them in desperate situations.
the weird thing about this is that sometimes, the person will not notice that he or she is falling from grace already. its something that just happens. the person loses his or her grip of reality and starts to dwell in a twisted delusional world. the person will think he or she is rising to the top but in reality, he or she is zooming straight down. the next thing that person will know is that someone is pointing to him or her that he or she is in a very bad and shameful situation. well, deep shit happens...to a select number of people.
inevitable? not really. just very, very likely or very probable. when that happens, i will either laugh or shed a tear or two (or maybe cry). depends on who will fall from grace of course. im in a world where some people prioritize their careers. and when i say prioritize, they put their careers above everything else. and there are some who are struggling in life that you hope that life doesnt break them and crush their spirits or place them in desperate situations.
the weird thing about this is that sometimes, the person will not notice that he or she is falling from grace already. its something that just happens. the person loses his or her grip of reality and starts to dwell in a twisted delusional world. the person will think he or she is rising to the top but in reality, he or she is zooming straight down. the next thing that person will know is that someone is pointing to him or her that he or she is in a very bad and shameful situation. well, deep shit happens...to a select number of people.
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
falling in love is hard on the knees
years ago, when aerosmith released this single, i asked my cousin why is falling in love hard on the knees? he said its an R18 thing and im too young. it was 1996 or 1997, maybe even 1998. point is, i was a highschool student. what the hell was he talking about that it was an R18 shit? i knew more than him when it comes to stuff like these and now, i still know more than he does, a lot more. the pervy sage isnt too young for shit like these.
anyway, the reason i asked was because i had a follow up question (i had the nasty habit of asking in twos, the first question is only an introduction to the second question). i knew the answer to the first question of course. but my real question was, does the title really make sense? the person is still in the stage of falling in love. how come its hard on the knees already? its possible to do it the other way around, to make it hard on the knees and then fall in love while doing it. but to make it hard on the knees while in the process of falling in love? i dont think it works that way. i mean, the person is just falling in love, how come they're doing it already. its possible to fall in love while doing it but the act of doing it comes first before the falling part.
thats how i saw it back in highschool. now, it kinda makes sense, especially when you look at the lyrics and not just the title. and its really hard on the knees.
anyway, the reason i asked was because i had a follow up question (i had the nasty habit of asking in twos, the first question is only an introduction to the second question). i knew the answer to the first question of course. but my real question was, does the title really make sense? the person is still in the stage of falling in love. how come its hard on the knees already? its possible to do it the other way around, to make it hard on the knees and then fall in love while doing it. but to make it hard on the knees while in the process of falling in love? i dont think it works that way. i mean, the person is just falling in love, how come they're doing it already. its possible to fall in love while doing it but the act of doing it comes first before the falling part.
thats how i saw it back in highschool. now, it kinda makes sense, especially when you look at the lyrics and not just the title. and its really hard on the knees.
i need to exercise. and i need lots of it.
had a very tiring day. did a lot of walking and climbing. climbing flights of stairs!
went to mandaluyong earlier to go to the national center for mental health to do some OLA related stuff. to go to the NCMH, coming from UP, i had to ride a jeep up to SM North. then head to the MRT station (and taking the stairs was really tiring). but instead of going straight to Shaw (so i could go to the NCMH), i had to stop-over cubao to do something (ate lunch and bought something. why didnt i eat in SM North? i forgot! ive been skipping meals lately). so i rode the MRT from north station to cubao station and then cubao station to shaw station (thats a lot of stairs i covered). by the time i reached shaw station, i really felt i needed to hydrate myself (and i already bought buko juice in cubao station before heading to shaw). so next i rode a jeep and when i reached NCMH, did a lot of walking again because the place wasnt the kind of hospital i was expecting. it was a very wide and open area with lots of buildings. that explains why there are tricycles outside the gate. and since i have no idea where im going inside the compound, i have no choice but to walk and keep asking for directions. eventually, i did reach the place i needed to go to. and when its time to head back to UP, had to take more stairs because im going to ride the MRT again. had to take more flights of stairs when i was in UP because i had to go to the 3rd floor of the law library to pick up the readings i earlier requested to be photocopied. then did a little more walking when i started heading home.
what i gathered from this experience is that im really out of shape. very out of shape. seriously out of shape. while taking the stairs in the MRT, i was muttering that i was going to kill the jerk who thought of having these stairs for all the MRT stations. i was really cursing and panting (damn these stairs!).
so what am i going to do? i dont know. start walking home again? after a very mentally draining day, do i still have the strength to walk? i lost 10 or 15 pounds already for just doing academic work. im bound to lose more by exposing myself to physical exertion. so?
i really need to exercise. the physical type.
went to mandaluyong earlier to go to the national center for mental health to do some OLA related stuff. to go to the NCMH, coming from UP, i had to ride a jeep up to SM North. then head to the MRT station (and taking the stairs was really tiring). but instead of going straight to Shaw (so i could go to the NCMH), i had to stop-over cubao to do something (ate lunch and bought something. why didnt i eat in SM North? i forgot! ive been skipping meals lately). so i rode the MRT from north station to cubao station and then cubao station to shaw station (thats a lot of stairs i covered). by the time i reached shaw station, i really felt i needed to hydrate myself (and i already bought buko juice in cubao station before heading to shaw). so next i rode a jeep and when i reached NCMH, did a lot of walking again because the place wasnt the kind of hospital i was expecting. it was a very wide and open area with lots of buildings. that explains why there are tricycles outside the gate. and since i have no idea where im going inside the compound, i have no choice but to walk and keep asking for directions. eventually, i did reach the place i needed to go to. and when its time to head back to UP, had to take more stairs because im going to ride the MRT again. had to take more flights of stairs when i was in UP because i had to go to the 3rd floor of the law library to pick up the readings i earlier requested to be photocopied. then did a little more walking when i started heading home.
what i gathered from this experience is that im really out of shape. very out of shape. seriously out of shape. while taking the stairs in the MRT, i was muttering that i was going to kill the jerk who thought of having these stairs for all the MRT stations. i was really cursing and panting (damn these stairs!).
so what am i going to do? i dont know. start walking home again? after a very mentally draining day, do i still have the strength to walk? i lost 10 or 15 pounds already for just doing academic work. im bound to lose more by exposing myself to physical exertion. so?
i really need to exercise. the physical type.
Monday, August 25, 2008
give love limited
love hurts. it hurts both the giver and the receiver. it just has to. sooner or later, love has to hurt. although im not saying its not possible to have love that doesnt hurt, i would say its an extreme rarity to have love in one's life in such a way. and i would say unfortunate are those who only have the blissful feeling of love and not have its painful part. they will never know what love is.
anyway, it seems to me people find it hard to hurt the ones they love, even if it might be necessary (like parents and their love for their children). or they think they have hurt them enough that they cant hurt them any more than what they have already done. thats what makes the hurtful part of love tricky (its always tricky). how would you know enough is enough? when will you know if its necessary? as usual, this has no rational answer. the person just has to know what is reasonable and unreasonable and when it is reasonable or unreasonable. reasonability and rationality are two different things for me. what can be rational may not be reasonable given certain circumstances. or a very rational person may be unreasonable from time to time. point is, handling the hurtful part of love is a life-long struggle. its a never ending quest to comprehend what love dictates. you succumb to its power but one should not submit to it entirely.
i see people who are reasonable in giving love. or start out to be reasonable. then after a while, they just lose control (or are not mindful that they need to exercise reason to gain control) and keep on giving love that the receiver of it never learns how to handle properly the love he or she receiving. he or she becomes accustomed to the "excessive" love he or she is getting that the person starts to think thats how it is to love a person. that person is not accustomed with the amount of pain love brings with it. the person sees the hurtful part as a burdensome annoyance and never learns how to deal with it. the person then starts to ignore it and just focus on the positive side of love, hence never really learning how to properly give love. the person grows up with the mistaken notion that to give love is to shelter the person he or she loves from all the pains and worries of the world. the person is of the belief that the recipient of this love will necessarily reciprocate the same way he or she did to the giver of the love he or she has grown accustomed with. the person therefore has a distorted perception of love. and its all because he or she was never given the opportunity to be hurt and deal with it on his or her own. because the giver of the love is always afraid that the person might not be ready for it or not strong enough to handle it yet. the giver therefore is always there to assist or help. like i said, its hard to determine what and when it is reasonable to allow the receiver to be hurt. its hard to say up to what extent should the receiver be allowed to handle the pain. my answer to this is not a good one actually. just let him or her have it. if he or she fails to handle it, let him or her figure out what to do next. let him or her wallow in pain. if he or she asks for help, provide the most minimal amount of help that can be given. if he or she survives, then good for that person. if it destroys him or her, then im sorry but love isnt for him or her. its harsh, irrational and unreasonable (and its easy for me to say this because i havent actually been in such a position, i can only imagine). so in the end, my answer is as risky as giving love excessively and constantly waiting for the right time to let the pain come in to the receiver's life in controlled amounts. either way, it destroys the receiver of the love.
who are these receivers? they are the ones who are quick to ask for help or expect to be helped when they longer recognize the love that is in front of them. they are the ones who quickly break down when they feel a piece of love's wrath (just a piece). they are the ones who are left dumbfounded when love does something that's contrary to their expectations. they are the ones we make use of as examples for horror or tragic love stories (or some of them because some really know how to deal with love, it just so happens that luck isnt on their side or some other external factor). sometimes its too late to make them recognize love in the proper sense that no amount of reasoning can be used to make them see the real kind of love (not that they dont listen, its just that they cant change what they know no matter how much other people try to correct them). or too late to make them learn how to handle its painful side. sometimes its too late to make them feel its pain and teach them how to bounce back from the fall. sometimes the most you can do is hurt them physically, hoping you can make his or her brain undergo a hard reset and remove all the clutter that he or she needs to unlearn. its not a guaranteed method of course but at least there's a chance of it happening and you get to release some frustrations. i havent done it, and most likely i wont be able to test it. but it appears to me to be a very reasonable idea yet an irrational one. i have the opportunity to test this idea but unfortunately, i cant take it (its another one of those experiments that society will not approve).
anyway, it seems to me people find it hard to hurt the ones they love, even if it might be necessary (like parents and their love for their children). or they think they have hurt them enough that they cant hurt them any more than what they have already done. thats what makes the hurtful part of love tricky (its always tricky). how would you know enough is enough? when will you know if its necessary? as usual, this has no rational answer. the person just has to know what is reasonable and unreasonable and when it is reasonable or unreasonable. reasonability and rationality are two different things for me. what can be rational may not be reasonable given certain circumstances. or a very rational person may be unreasonable from time to time. point is, handling the hurtful part of love is a life-long struggle. its a never ending quest to comprehend what love dictates. you succumb to its power but one should not submit to it entirely.
i see people who are reasonable in giving love. or start out to be reasonable. then after a while, they just lose control (or are not mindful that they need to exercise reason to gain control) and keep on giving love that the receiver of it never learns how to handle properly the love he or she receiving. he or she becomes accustomed to the "excessive" love he or she is getting that the person starts to think thats how it is to love a person. that person is not accustomed with the amount of pain love brings with it. the person sees the hurtful part as a burdensome annoyance and never learns how to deal with it. the person then starts to ignore it and just focus on the positive side of love, hence never really learning how to properly give love. the person grows up with the mistaken notion that to give love is to shelter the person he or she loves from all the pains and worries of the world. the person is of the belief that the recipient of this love will necessarily reciprocate the same way he or she did to the giver of the love he or she has grown accustomed with. the person therefore has a distorted perception of love. and its all because he or she was never given the opportunity to be hurt and deal with it on his or her own. because the giver of the love is always afraid that the person might not be ready for it or not strong enough to handle it yet. the giver therefore is always there to assist or help. like i said, its hard to determine what and when it is reasonable to allow the receiver to be hurt. its hard to say up to what extent should the receiver be allowed to handle the pain. my answer to this is not a good one actually. just let him or her have it. if he or she fails to handle it, let him or her figure out what to do next. let him or her wallow in pain. if he or she asks for help, provide the most minimal amount of help that can be given. if he or she survives, then good for that person. if it destroys him or her, then im sorry but love isnt for him or her. its harsh, irrational and unreasonable (and its easy for me to say this because i havent actually been in such a position, i can only imagine). so in the end, my answer is as risky as giving love excessively and constantly waiting for the right time to let the pain come in to the receiver's life in controlled amounts. either way, it destroys the receiver of the love.
who are these receivers? they are the ones who are quick to ask for help or expect to be helped when they longer recognize the love that is in front of them. they are the ones who quickly break down when they feel a piece of love's wrath (just a piece). they are the ones who are left dumbfounded when love does something that's contrary to their expectations. they are the ones we make use of as examples for horror or tragic love stories (or some of them because some really know how to deal with love, it just so happens that luck isnt on their side or some other external factor). sometimes its too late to make them recognize love in the proper sense that no amount of reasoning can be used to make them see the real kind of love (not that they dont listen, its just that they cant change what they know no matter how much other people try to correct them). or too late to make them learn how to handle its painful side. sometimes its too late to make them feel its pain and teach them how to bounce back from the fall. sometimes the most you can do is hurt them physically, hoping you can make his or her brain undergo a hard reset and remove all the clutter that he or she needs to unlearn. its not a guaranteed method of course but at least there's a chance of it happening and you get to release some frustrations. i havent done it, and most likely i wont be able to test it. but it appears to me to be a very reasonable idea yet an irrational one. i have the opportunity to test this idea but unfortunately, i cant take it (its another one of those experiments that society will not approve).
wakari masen!
one, i dont understand women. two, i dont understand women. and three, i dont understand women! (or maybe i just dont understand humans in general)
makes me wonder why men and women evolved that way. i mean, how come men and women dont think alike. its like their minds are galaxies apart. thats why both sexes (or genders) dont really get each other. and thats why i find the Point-of-View gun in the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy movie a funny idea. its like an unresolvable problem between the sexes and you need some gadget to make the other side understand, or see the true meaning of things from the point of view of the opposite sex.
of course, the simple answer is that, it has to be that way. to make things, or the relationship between the sexes interesting. if men and women had the same thoughts, shared the same point of view, then the world would be boring. i think its the differences between the sexes that makes the whole point of matching with the opposite sex. to finally find a member of the opposite sex that you understand or understands you or at least has the differences you can tolerate or can tolerate you.
but my question really is, how come men and women evolved that way. most likely, its society that shaped the minds of the sexes but still, the fact that society did this could at least make it attributable to evolution. society evolves and the individual that composes such society evolves too. why did men end up thinking the way they think now, and the same goes for women, and not the other way around? thats attributable to society and culture. but how did the men and women composing the early forms of society and culture ended up being that way. thats attributable to the individual men and women. i mean, why do men like this or that, women fancy this or that? how come men dont see things as women do and vice versa? society could have dictated most of it but still, it must have originated from the early human development of individuals. the reason im asking why is because the difference between men and women couldnt have been a coincidence. it has a purpose and thats answerable. my question is how it happened. and im asking because i just want to know how or what circumstances induced the development of such differences. well, to make the argument much more simpler to answer, insert God in the equation. because they just have to be that way. thats the easiest way to answer coincidences. i dont know which field of science states that there's no such thing as coincidence but i think thats one thing they can agree with with some religions. there's no such thing as coincidence in this world, everything has a purpose, a reason to exist or a reason why it happened.
makes me wonder why men and women evolved that way. i mean, how come men and women dont think alike. its like their minds are galaxies apart. thats why both sexes (or genders) dont really get each other. and thats why i find the Point-of-View gun in the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy movie a funny idea. its like an unresolvable problem between the sexes and you need some gadget to make the other side understand, or see the true meaning of things from the point of view of the opposite sex.
of course, the simple answer is that, it has to be that way. to make things, or the relationship between the sexes interesting. if men and women had the same thoughts, shared the same point of view, then the world would be boring. i think its the differences between the sexes that makes the whole point of matching with the opposite sex. to finally find a member of the opposite sex that you understand or understands you or at least has the differences you can tolerate or can tolerate you.
but my question really is, how come men and women evolved that way. most likely, its society that shaped the minds of the sexes but still, the fact that society did this could at least make it attributable to evolution. society evolves and the individual that composes such society evolves too. why did men end up thinking the way they think now, and the same goes for women, and not the other way around? thats attributable to society and culture. but how did the men and women composing the early forms of society and culture ended up being that way. thats attributable to the individual men and women. i mean, why do men like this or that, women fancy this or that? how come men dont see things as women do and vice versa? society could have dictated most of it but still, it must have originated from the early human development of individuals. the reason im asking why is because the difference between men and women couldnt have been a coincidence. it has a purpose and thats answerable. my question is how it happened. and im asking because i just want to know how or what circumstances induced the development of such differences. well, to make the argument much more simpler to answer, insert God in the equation. because they just have to be that way. thats the easiest way to answer coincidences. i dont know which field of science states that there's no such thing as coincidence but i think thats one thing they can agree with with some religions. there's no such thing as coincidence in this world, everything has a purpose, a reason to exist or a reason why it happened.
fall out boy
i was asked recently about what's up with the falling out with this particular person. she asked me why it happened. i was surprised because i wasnt expecting to be asked about it. the question somehow came out of nowhere. although i should have expected the question because its a logical question from the conversation we were having, i guess i wasnt really thinking about it anymore. thats why i was surprised to be asked on it. i just said its my fault or i should have made a clearer reply that its my own doing. it didnt really answer her question but at least i was admitting im the one to blame why it happened. i have my reasons and i dont feel like telling it to her because i really dont feel like explaining my reasons. why bother. its not like its going to change anything. im not saying that im happy with what happened but at least im finding some kind of peace. and sometimes thats good enough.
i then asked her, what made her think theres some falling out? this is what i should have asked after she asked me. i usually answer with a question when asked about stuff like these but since i wasnt expecting it, i admitted quickly without even realizing that she might just be fishing for answers. she answered, she just noticed (what!!!) well, there's no point thinking whether i believe her or not. i already admitted that it happened and its my own doing. besides, i think she's the only one who's wondering about it anyway. other people will never notice or just dont care. and i saw the particular person minutes later and she looked happy. so whats the point of knowing the answer to her question when obviously, it doesnt matter to both of us anymore. she's happy and im finding some form of contentment (im starting to hate the word but thats the word for it. contentment).
i then asked her, what made her think theres some falling out? this is what i should have asked after she asked me. i usually answer with a question when asked about stuff like these but since i wasnt expecting it, i admitted quickly without even realizing that she might just be fishing for answers. she answered, she just noticed (what!!!) well, there's no point thinking whether i believe her or not. i already admitted that it happened and its my own doing. besides, i think she's the only one who's wondering about it anyway. other people will never notice or just dont care. and i saw the particular person minutes later and she looked happy. so whats the point of knowing the answer to her question when obviously, it doesnt matter to both of us anymore. she's happy and im finding some form of contentment (im starting to hate the word but thats the word for it. contentment).
"what could have been" is a very sad phrase
i was eating at mcdonalds the other day. i was tired and i felt like giving myself a treat by eating dinner at mcdonalds (i dont eat at mcdonalds or any other fast food as frequently as i did last june or first few weeks of july). i was alone, as usual, and just watching the people around me. and thats when it hit me, a feeling that resembled regret. maybe it was regret. i just saw something that made me remember a choice i made a few years ago. if i chose otherwise, i thought, i might not be sitting at mcdonalds alone. i might be sitting with this person, eating the burger happily despite the tiring day. spending a few minutes with her would be enough to wipe out the bad things that happen to me every single day. well, thats an exaggeration but its plausible. but thats just the thing, its only a possibility. and mere possibility is not good enough for me. thats why i made the choice i made back then. i could be happy right now, but the word "could" just doesnt persuade me to choose otherwise. thats when i reminded myself that ive committed to staying single for the rest of my life. and that made the feeling of regret go away. sure its not easy to commit to it but its not difficult either. maybe because i dont have prospects at the moment but i doubt i will have any since i easily lose interest. or im not susceptible to love or something like it. i remember back in gradeschool, every year i have a new crush. thats why i dont have a childhood sweetheart to think of or think about (just thought about it because the movie i rented and watched earlier involved going back to his childhood love or whatever thats called and they ended up being together). maybe i was just tired thats why the feeling of regret leaked and reminded of things im forcing myself not to even bother to think about.
ken afford
been to ken afford twice this month. if i remember correctly, this is the first time i ate in ken afford in their new location. so it doesnt really bring back memories. and when i ate there, the only i thing i remembered was when i ate in ken afford (when it was stilll located in front of ateneo) with alnard. i remembered we ordered crispy kangkong. and it was only days later that i remembered that i also ate there with other blockmates after i graduated from college. other than those 2 instances, i dont remember anything memorable about ken afford. well, except for the sisig of course. i dont even remember if i ate in ken afford alone. i remember i always eat alone in the ISO cafeteria. although i know ive been there a number of times back in college, i just realized that the place isnt as memorable as i thought. or im just becoming forgetful.
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
just bored.
someone made a comment a few weeks ago (or maybe more than a month ago). she jokingly asked if i had ADHD (because i was always walking back and forth, pacing around the room and i just cant sit still when im doing nothing...every week! well, almost every week). i said no but i might have when i was kid. i really was a hyperactive KSP to the point that it annoyed a lot of people, especially some of my teachers. i was so talkative and im always restless (thats what my gradeschool teachers always say until i transferred into another school where i suddenly became the most quiet person in class). thats why it wasnt surprising that i was very thin because i was always moving or running around (and im losing a lot of weight at the moment and its not because of physical activity. someone even commented if im on drugs). anyway, i tried looking at wikipedia to read on the topic. just for the sake of looking at it because im tired of all the stuff ive been doing lately. although wikipedia isnt really considered as an official reference like an encyclopedia, its mostly reliable. im not saying the one im posting below is reliable. im saying it could be. so i got an excerpt from wikipedia and decided to see if its possible for me to have an adult attention deficit disorder.
The Hallowell Center identifies the following indicators to consider when ADHD is suspected and recommends that individuals with at least twelve of the following behaviours since childhood—provided these symptoms are not associated with any other medical or psychiatric conditions—consider professional diagnosis:
A sense of underachievement, of not meeting one’s goals (regardless of how much one has actually accomplished). (hmmm. does this apply to me? i wouldnt call it a sense of underachievement but more of theres always room for improvement. like im not satisfied with what i do, it can always be better or something like that. its like an optimists way of saying it so i guess thats one point.)
Difficulty getting organized. (i dont think this applies to me)
Chronic procrastination or trouble getting started. (i procrastinate. like now. but i wouldnt say its chronic. because there are times i do stuff early. well, because im procrastinating on other stuff. so in order to avoid doing it, i do other things even in advance, just to avoid doing whats really important. but i dont think my procrastination is chronic. so no points here)
Many projects going simultaneously; trouble with follow through. (yeah, kind of but not really. i still manage)
A tendency to say what comes to mind without necessarily considering the timing or appropriateness of the remark. (aahh. ive cured this. i used to be like this and in a way i still am but im conscious about it. so as long as i can exhibit self-restraint, this doesnt apply to me. i wont add this since i can control it)
A frequent search for high stimulation. (yup, thats me all right. total of two points)
An intolerance of boredom. (sort of. thats why i make sure im thinking of something because i dont want my mind to be idle. so even im sitting motionless, my mind is really very active so as to avoid getting bored which became problematic because the thoughts in my head sometimes become more interesting than interacting with most people. so reality bores me. so thats three points total)
Easy distractibility; trouble focusing attention, tendency to tune out or drift away in the middle of a page or conversation, often coupled with an inability to focus at times. (crap, four points! i easily lose focus. damn it. thats why im better in written conversations. im more focused for some reason i dont know why. maybe because when im talking with people, there are moving objects around and there are lots of stuff happening)
Often creative, intuitive, highly intelligent (often? i was intelligent before. im a bit creative. so im going to add this for a total of five points)
Trouble in going through established channels and following proper procedure. (not really. i manage)
Impatient; low tolerance of frustration. (ive cured this too. im a very impatient person thats why i dont bother to wait for people. thats why i always go solo. and thats why i dont expect anything either because it just pisses me off. ok, i havent really cured myself of it. i just manage to avoid situations that will make me exhibit my impatience and low tolerance of frustration. so thats six points. halfway there)
Impulsive, either verbally or in action, as an impulsive spending of money. (oh shit. thats seven. im impulsive when i dont exhibit self-restraint. and im impulsive in spending money. really, really impulsive. someone should hold my wallet for me)
Changing plans, enacting new schemes or career plans and the like; hot-tempered. (not sure. the reason i dont make plans is because i dont want to be restricted by plans. as for hot-tempered, yes. well, used to. i sort of focused on fixing my temper so i dont lose it easily. but im naturally hot-tempered. fine, ill make it an eight since i do have the tendency to change plans on the last minute. i just dont call it a plan since i dont commit to it)
A tendency to worry needlessly, endlessly; a tendency to scan the horizon looking for something to worry about, alternating with attention to or disregard for actual dangers. (thats nine. im the reklmador, the problem-maker. a blockmate just made this comment a few weeks ago that im always looking for problems to solve when i have other problems that needs solving too. i have the tendency to fix other people's problems first before attending to my problems)
A sense of insecurity. (my cousin said i was but i dont think so. or i just like to keep telling myself that)
Mood swings, mood lability, especially when disengaged from a person or a project. (ten points!)
Physical or cognitive restlessness. (eleven. every morning when i eat breakfast, i walk in circles in our living room, counterclockwise. i get dizzy if i do it clockwise. cant sit down unless im watching tv. i just have the compulsion to walk around)
A tendency toward addictive behavior. (twelve. damn it! ive admitted this to a couple of people. i easily get addicted to stuff. like 50 first dates. or my infatuation junkie personality. i just cant help but indulge. depends what im in the mood for)
Chronic problems with self-esteem. (yes. give me thirteen)
Inaccurate self-observation. (this one i cant answer. wait, if this applies to me, then my observations above would be inaccurate and would render this checklist useless. well at least i didnt get bored for a few minutes)
Family history of ADHD or manic depressive illness or depression or substance abuse or other disorders of impulse control or mood. (none. in my immediate family at least)
thirteen applies to me. so, do i have ADHD? nope. im just a hyperactive knucklehead when i was in gradeschool (and an anti-social when i was in highschool. and plain weird when i was in college). professional diagnosis my ass. so what if i have adult attention deficit disorder? im a fully functional member of society. its not like im going to snap one of these days and become a serial killer when i reach the age of 30 just to make life interesting. some men just want to watch the world burn.
The Hallowell Center identifies the following indicators to consider when ADHD is suspected and recommends that individuals with at least twelve of the following behaviours since childhood—provided these symptoms are not associated with any other medical or psychiatric conditions—consider professional diagnosis:
A sense of underachievement, of not meeting one’s goals (regardless of how much one has actually accomplished). (hmmm. does this apply to me? i wouldnt call it a sense of underachievement but more of theres always room for improvement. like im not satisfied with what i do, it can always be better or something like that. its like an optimists way of saying it so i guess thats one point.)
Difficulty getting organized. (i dont think this applies to me)
Chronic procrastination or trouble getting started. (i procrastinate. like now. but i wouldnt say its chronic. because there are times i do stuff early. well, because im procrastinating on other stuff. so in order to avoid doing it, i do other things even in advance, just to avoid doing whats really important. but i dont think my procrastination is chronic. so no points here)
Many projects going simultaneously; trouble with follow through. (yeah, kind of but not really. i still manage)
A tendency to say what comes to mind without necessarily considering the timing or appropriateness of the remark. (aahh. ive cured this. i used to be like this and in a way i still am but im conscious about it. so as long as i can exhibit self-restraint, this doesnt apply to me. i wont add this since i can control it)
A frequent search for high stimulation. (yup, thats me all right. total of two points)
An intolerance of boredom. (sort of. thats why i make sure im thinking of something because i dont want my mind to be idle. so even im sitting motionless, my mind is really very active so as to avoid getting bored which became problematic because the thoughts in my head sometimes become more interesting than interacting with most people. so reality bores me. so thats three points total)
Easy distractibility; trouble focusing attention, tendency to tune out or drift away in the middle of a page or conversation, often coupled with an inability to focus at times. (crap, four points! i easily lose focus. damn it. thats why im better in written conversations. im more focused for some reason i dont know why. maybe because when im talking with people, there are moving objects around and there are lots of stuff happening)
Often creative, intuitive, highly intelligent (often? i was intelligent before. im a bit creative. so im going to add this for a total of five points)
Trouble in going through established channels and following proper procedure. (not really. i manage)
Impatient; low tolerance of frustration. (ive cured this too. im a very impatient person thats why i dont bother to wait for people. thats why i always go solo. and thats why i dont expect anything either because it just pisses me off. ok, i havent really cured myself of it. i just manage to avoid situations that will make me exhibit my impatience and low tolerance of frustration. so thats six points. halfway there)
Impulsive, either verbally or in action, as an impulsive spending of money. (oh shit. thats seven. im impulsive when i dont exhibit self-restraint. and im impulsive in spending money. really, really impulsive. someone should hold my wallet for me)
Changing plans, enacting new schemes or career plans and the like; hot-tempered. (not sure. the reason i dont make plans is because i dont want to be restricted by plans. as for hot-tempered, yes. well, used to. i sort of focused on fixing my temper so i dont lose it easily. but im naturally hot-tempered. fine, ill make it an eight since i do have the tendency to change plans on the last minute. i just dont call it a plan since i dont commit to it)
A tendency to worry needlessly, endlessly; a tendency to scan the horizon looking for something to worry about, alternating with attention to or disregard for actual dangers. (thats nine. im the reklmador, the problem-maker. a blockmate just made this comment a few weeks ago that im always looking for problems to solve when i have other problems that needs solving too. i have the tendency to fix other people's problems first before attending to my problems)
A sense of insecurity. (my cousin said i was but i dont think so. or i just like to keep telling myself that)
Mood swings, mood lability, especially when disengaged from a person or a project. (ten points!)
Physical or cognitive restlessness. (eleven. every morning when i eat breakfast, i walk in circles in our living room, counterclockwise. i get dizzy if i do it clockwise. cant sit down unless im watching tv. i just have the compulsion to walk around)
A tendency toward addictive behavior. (twelve. damn it! ive admitted this to a couple of people. i easily get addicted to stuff. like 50 first dates. or my infatuation junkie personality. i just cant help but indulge. depends what im in the mood for)
Chronic problems with self-esteem. (yes. give me thirteen)
Inaccurate self-observation. (this one i cant answer. wait, if this applies to me, then my observations above would be inaccurate and would render this checklist useless. well at least i didnt get bored for a few minutes)
Family history of ADHD or manic depressive illness or depression or substance abuse or other disorders of impulse control or mood. (none. in my immediate family at least)
thirteen applies to me. so, do i have ADHD? nope. im just a hyperactive knucklehead when i was in gradeschool (and an anti-social when i was in highschool. and plain weird when i was in college). professional diagnosis my ass. so what if i have adult attention deficit disorder? im a fully functional member of society. its not like im going to snap one of these days and become a serial killer when i reach the age of 30 just to make life interesting. some men just want to watch the world burn.
Monday, August 18, 2008
why?
why do i have the tendency to make life hard for me? i dont know really, i just tell myself, its part of my training. training for what? i dont know too. i just feel compelled to do it. a person mocked me playfully, i think earlier this month, saying, "hi, im tristan, i do this and do that just for the sake of making things difficult" or something to that effect. i replied, when she asked why i do it, i just do stuff without thinking.
so, why complicate things when there's a simpler alternative? why am i compelled to make life as hard as possible? why cant i allow myself to enjoy life? the answer? i dont know. and i cant. like i said, im compelled to live this way as if, this is the way it should be done. for some reason, i think im right in doing so.
months before, ive made a decision which i felt is not a good one. but i felt compelled to do it. and now, looking back, and seeing how things are now, i think the decision ive made, no matter how much ive felt against it, was right. maybe i do have the gift of foresight. unexplainable foresight. sometimes i think that we see glimpses of the future, embedded in the subconscious. only thing is, the glimpses last for only seconds or just a second. a very thin slice of what will be. and from there, you get the feeling of where youre heading or what you should do. unfortunately, im always at the losing end.
the reason i want to decide against what i felt i should do is because, im going to be the one who will lose in that decision. but i had to because it seems the decision will benefit more people (as always, i let reason prevail). its like, i have to make the decision and sacrifice what i want in order to make way for what is necessary. ok, maybe thats not foresight, but merely exercise of good discretion. actually, it didnt seem as good discretion to me. it looked to me like some masochistic shit. i just tell myself that i operate on the basis of need, not want (which is true). so i dont listen to myself when i want something, i only pay attention to my needs and i still filter what those needs are. thats why when i was asked years ago (along EDSA near Makati) with the question "tristan, what do you want?like, if you could wish for something or have what you desire, what would you ask for?" i cant think of anything (and i wasnt able to answer her question) because sure there are simple material wants but to be asked of what i want thats much deeper than material shit, i dont know what i want because ive always focused on what i need. for me, wants are irrelevant because one can live without it. thats why my mother always tells me i lack ambition. ambition is a manifestation of what people want. i do have ambition, but i dont "cultivate" it. like i said, wants are irrelevant. i do have wants but i dont pay attention to them. i always ask myself "what do i need?"
again, i dont know where im heading with what im writing. better sleep if im not going to study any further for the take home exam. theres no point posting half-baked thoughts.
so, why complicate things when there's a simpler alternative? why am i compelled to make life as hard as possible? why cant i allow myself to enjoy life? the answer? i dont know. and i cant. like i said, im compelled to live this way as if, this is the way it should be done. for some reason, i think im right in doing so.
months before, ive made a decision which i felt is not a good one. but i felt compelled to do it. and now, looking back, and seeing how things are now, i think the decision ive made, no matter how much ive felt against it, was right. maybe i do have the gift of foresight. unexplainable foresight. sometimes i think that we see glimpses of the future, embedded in the subconscious. only thing is, the glimpses last for only seconds or just a second. a very thin slice of what will be. and from there, you get the feeling of where youre heading or what you should do. unfortunately, im always at the losing end.
the reason i want to decide against what i felt i should do is because, im going to be the one who will lose in that decision. but i had to because it seems the decision will benefit more people (as always, i let reason prevail). its like, i have to make the decision and sacrifice what i want in order to make way for what is necessary. ok, maybe thats not foresight, but merely exercise of good discretion. actually, it didnt seem as good discretion to me. it looked to me like some masochistic shit. i just tell myself that i operate on the basis of need, not want (which is true). so i dont listen to myself when i want something, i only pay attention to my needs and i still filter what those needs are. thats why when i was asked years ago (along EDSA near Makati) with the question "tristan, what do you want?like, if you could wish for something or have what you desire, what would you ask for?" i cant think of anything (and i wasnt able to answer her question) because sure there are simple material wants but to be asked of what i want thats much deeper than material shit, i dont know what i want because ive always focused on what i need. for me, wants are irrelevant because one can live without it. thats why my mother always tells me i lack ambition. ambition is a manifestation of what people want. i do have ambition, but i dont "cultivate" it. like i said, wants are irrelevant. i do have wants but i dont pay attention to them. i always ask myself "what do i need?"
again, i dont know where im heading with what im writing. better sleep if im not going to study any further for the take home exam. theres no point posting half-baked thoughts.
Sunday, August 17, 2008
i wish i never grew up
dont we wish this sometimes? that if only it were possible not to become an adult? to be an adult kinda sucks because you have to put up with all the shit this world will throw at you and deal with it as maturely as you can.
the reason for this entry is because i went to caloocan last week, twice. well, more of thrice because of the august thing. went there once tuesday and twice on friday. the reason i went to caloocan twice was because i forgot my school ID with the guard at the building where the trial courts are located. i found out that i left my ID when i reached home (QC. good thing i dont live in Montalban. not yet) and was in my room looking for my pen in my bag. thats when i realized that my ID isnt in my bag pocket and i remembered its with the guard in caloocan. and i need my ID because i didnt detach it from my ID lace and my locker keys are attached to it. usually, i remove my ID from the ID lace but for some reason, i didnt do that in that particular instance. and normally, i dont forget to claim my ID too. so i said to myself, this is going to be a wonderful day. fortunately, thats the worst thing that happened that day. spent more than a 100 bucks just to commute from caloocan to QC to caloocan to QC again...in four hours.
anyway, the trip to caloocan reminded me that once upon a time i was a kid. this is the city where my family first lived when i was born. i think until i was four or maybe younger (since i started going to school at four). point is, while walking the streets of caloocan, even if it looks "depressed", i remembered that this was the place where i spent my early childhood years. it still feels like home even if i really dont remember much about it. i felt that even if the place looks dangerous and kind of depressing, i would still have lived happily here...if i was a kid. to a kid, the surroundings wont matter much. a kid easily appreciates stuff. or at least i did when i was a kid. all i needed back then was my imagination and im all set to enjoy the day. i dont know what happened or why it happened but now, ive become a person thats hard to please. thats why i wish i never grew up, and never learned how harsh reality is or how cruel life can be so i could easily appreciate life and enjoy every minute of it. to not be affected with what i see, with what surrounds me. just looking around, you see how hard life is for everybody. except for kids. or some of them at least.
i see those street kids, selling stuff, or cleaning shoes or begging for loose change. even if they are made to realize how harsh life is at an early age, they still manage to smile, even laugh. they can still enjoy life despite the hardships that they are going through. as one grows older, it seems to me, life just becomes more depressing. life becomes harder to enjoy.
i dont know where im heading with this entry. i think im just procrastinating because im really struggling with the take home exam i need to finish by tuesday. you dont get burdened with stuff like these when youre a kid.
the reason for this entry is because i went to caloocan last week, twice. well, more of thrice because of the august thing. went there once tuesday and twice on friday. the reason i went to caloocan twice was because i forgot my school ID with the guard at the building where the trial courts are located. i found out that i left my ID when i reached home (QC. good thing i dont live in Montalban. not yet) and was in my room looking for my pen in my bag. thats when i realized that my ID isnt in my bag pocket and i remembered its with the guard in caloocan. and i need my ID because i didnt detach it from my ID lace and my locker keys are attached to it. usually, i remove my ID from the ID lace but for some reason, i didnt do that in that particular instance. and normally, i dont forget to claim my ID too. so i said to myself, this is going to be a wonderful day. fortunately, thats the worst thing that happened that day. spent more than a 100 bucks just to commute from caloocan to QC to caloocan to QC again...in four hours.
anyway, the trip to caloocan reminded me that once upon a time i was a kid. this is the city where my family first lived when i was born. i think until i was four or maybe younger (since i started going to school at four). point is, while walking the streets of caloocan, even if it looks "depressed", i remembered that this was the place where i spent my early childhood years. it still feels like home even if i really dont remember much about it. i felt that even if the place looks dangerous and kind of depressing, i would still have lived happily here...if i was a kid. to a kid, the surroundings wont matter much. a kid easily appreciates stuff. or at least i did when i was a kid. all i needed back then was my imagination and im all set to enjoy the day. i dont know what happened or why it happened but now, ive become a person thats hard to please. thats why i wish i never grew up, and never learned how harsh reality is or how cruel life can be so i could easily appreciate life and enjoy every minute of it. to not be affected with what i see, with what surrounds me. just looking around, you see how hard life is for everybody. except for kids. or some of them at least.
i see those street kids, selling stuff, or cleaning shoes or begging for loose change. even if they are made to realize how harsh life is at an early age, they still manage to smile, even laugh. they can still enjoy life despite the hardships that they are going through. as one grows older, it seems to me, life just becomes more depressing. life becomes harder to enjoy.
i dont know where im heading with this entry. i think im just procrastinating because im really struggling with the take home exam i need to finish by tuesday. you dont get burdened with stuff like these when youre a kid.
Thursday, August 14, 2008
empty inbox
i found out just now that all of my email messages i have in my justicemail account have been erased/deleted. i dont know if it was because of of an upgrade or some glitch or some temporary shit. what i do know is that my emails, which dates back up to 2002 or maybe earlier, are gone. wasnt able to back up the messages because i didnt know this will happen. nor was i aware of any notification that the emails will be erased. its really irritating because it was my primary email address before i switched to yahoomail (meaning, i have some important messages in that justicemail account). and before justicemail, my primary email address was edsamail. now for the edsamail account, i wasnt able to back up the messages because my hard disk back then was beyond repair, cant be reformatted. edsamail isnt really an online account so the messages are stored in the hard disk. and im very much a newbie in the tech world then so i dont know what to expect. point is, i didnt feel a need to back up the messages in my justicemail account since its an online account. until i receive a notification that the email account will be closed or that a system upgrade might erase the emails in the inbox and outbox, i will not make a back-up of the messages. this month is just so unpredictable. years worth of stored emails, gone. i check that email account everyday, and i didnt notice that there's a notification that such a thing will happen. now, if the same thing happens to my primary yahoomail account and my primary gmail account, i think its a clear manifestation that august is here to make my life a living hell.
mid-august rant. sort of.
another unfortunate day. i gues im not really that unfortunate. shit happens after all. maybe august is that month of the year where i become an ordinary or average person subject to average forces of chance or luck. its like im naturally lucky for 11 months (is it because of jupiter?) and august is that only month where i become not so lucky.
like today, i rode a jeep this morning, like i always do but the difference is, the jeep had engine problems which made me late for 10 minutes. not bad but commuting is a science for me so i sometimes reach my destination like clockwork, and most of the time, theres a plus/minus 5 minutes from the time i intend to arrive because i take into consideration ordinarily foreseeable circumstances (like not getting a ride immediately). so if things dont go as expected, it destroys the routine (and sometimes everything else thats set for the day. thats why im not a fan of making plans). although its really possible that the jeep might have engine problems, it happens very rarely to me. and even if it happens, it does not make me late (because i dont recall an instance where i had an excuse that the jeepney i was riding had engine problems). and that happening in august is no big surprise.
then during OLA duty, i unfortunately decided to answer a few phone calls when we were already supposed to have a case conference. not having the presence of mind to do phone duty since im not a phone person to begin with (and also, i have poor hearing, so im not really good with phone conversations), i failed to answer the phone properly, meaning i should say "Hello! UP Office of Legal Aid" and not just a simple "hello!". what made it unfortunate was that the person at the other end of the line was our OLA Director. she noted that i should answer the phone properly. i normally do answer the phone specifiying its the UP Office of Legal Aid. it just so happens that there are instances i forget to answer it properly when im not the one on phone duty. like the instance earlier. so its a bit of a bad impression for our thursday morning team. i just have the tendency to make minor screw ups from time to time and again, its no surprise that i screw things up in august.
then before that i learned that i have a pre-trial set for next week. what the? next week! i have a midterm exam that will be emailed tomorrow due next week which could only mean, its going to be difficult. im going to accompany a client to serve a writ of execution tomorrow (caloocan to novaliches) which will force me to incur an absence since its physically impossible for me to attend the class. and i have another thing to do for a subject, also tomorrow. and i have a lot of stuff to read for a couple of subjects. sure i can prepare the pleadings for pretrial in the next few days but what irritates me is that its my fault that i dont have much time for it. had i made the phone call yesterday, and learned about it yesterday, i would have more time because i wasnt doing anything much yesterday. aside from getting scolded at by the judge and doing the puboff presentation and attending class, i wasnt very busy yesterday. i dont know why i failed to make the phone call to the court yesterday. and i still need to make a couple more phone calls. now im wondering what surpsrise im going to get.
also i just committed to stuff that exposes me to considerably heavy responsibility. my timing couldnt have been better. of all the months, i chose august to take responsibilities where there's a big chance of me screwing things up. im not thinking that im going to screw it up because im trying to actually do it properly. the thing is, i wont be surprised if i screw it up despite the efforts ive made. i would also like to blame august why i ended up taking the responsibilities in the first place because it was offered this month but i had a choice. whether its good or bad still remains to be seen. although, its leaning towards "bad" already. or its just the way i see it.
there are a couple of minor unfortunate stuff that happened today. nothing peculiar like the two incidents above. just small irritating and annoying crap which are avoidable or could have been prevented but i wasnt able to, and if added all together makes today, a bad day. not a really bad day but i guess when august kicks in, im subjected to the ordinary forces of luck that a common person encounters in his or her daily life. either im just used to be being lucky and august just takes away what comes naturally, or im just convincing myself that what im experiencing right now is what most people deal with in their daily life and i only deal with it once in a year within one full month. either way, things arent going well for me.
and i hope my theory is incorrect that my unfortunate month is divided into weeks, two weeks in august and two weeks in october. because there was a time when only half of august was bad. and the worst half came in october. anyway, it doesnt look that way since even if august is halfway over, it appears to me that things are bound to get harder in the next two weeks. not a hunch. its based from stuff that are happening now. if my supervising lawyer's joke has some grain of truth in it, that i have the gift of foresight (which was mentioned in an entirely different context, im just relating it to this entry), then im going to be exposed to extremely stressful shit in the next two weeks.
and my head is aching right now, and for some reason i have a clogged nose even if i dont have a cold. its not the kind of clogged nose you have when one has a cold. i hope its just some temporary thing or some allergic reaction. because if it means im going to be sick, and i cant afford to be sick in the next few weeks, then i dont want to imagine how things could possibly be worse.
like today, i rode a jeep this morning, like i always do but the difference is, the jeep had engine problems which made me late for 10 minutes. not bad but commuting is a science for me so i sometimes reach my destination like clockwork, and most of the time, theres a plus/minus 5 minutes from the time i intend to arrive because i take into consideration ordinarily foreseeable circumstances (like not getting a ride immediately). so if things dont go as expected, it destroys the routine (and sometimes everything else thats set for the day. thats why im not a fan of making plans). although its really possible that the jeep might have engine problems, it happens very rarely to me. and even if it happens, it does not make me late (because i dont recall an instance where i had an excuse that the jeepney i was riding had engine problems). and that happening in august is no big surprise.
then during OLA duty, i unfortunately decided to answer a few phone calls when we were already supposed to have a case conference. not having the presence of mind to do phone duty since im not a phone person to begin with (and also, i have poor hearing, so im not really good with phone conversations), i failed to answer the phone properly, meaning i should say "Hello! UP Office of Legal Aid" and not just a simple "hello!". what made it unfortunate was that the person at the other end of the line was our OLA Director. she noted that i should answer the phone properly. i normally do answer the phone specifiying its the UP Office of Legal Aid. it just so happens that there are instances i forget to answer it properly when im not the one on phone duty. like the instance earlier. so its a bit of a bad impression for our thursday morning team. i just have the tendency to make minor screw ups from time to time and again, its no surprise that i screw things up in august.
then before that i learned that i have a pre-trial set for next week. what the? next week! i have a midterm exam that will be emailed tomorrow due next week which could only mean, its going to be difficult. im going to accompany a client to serve a writ of execution tomorrow (caloocan to novaliches) which will force me to incur an absence since its physically impossible for me to attend the class. and i have another thing to do for a subject, also tomorrow. and i have a lot of stuff to read for a couple of subjects. sure i can prepare the pleadings for pretrial in the next few days but what irritates me is that its my fault that i dont have much time for it. had i made the phone call yesterday, and learned about it yesterday, i would have more time because i wasnt doing anything much yesterday. aside from getting scolded at by the judge and doing the puboff presentation and attending class, i wasnt very busy yesterday. i dont know why i failed to make the phone call to the court yesterday. and i still need to make a couple more phone calls. now im wondering what surpsrise im going to get.
also i just committed to stuff that exposes me to considerably heavy responsibility. my timing couldnt have been better. of all the months, i chose august to take responsibilities where there's a big chance of me screwing things up. im not thinking that im going to screw it up because im trying to actually do it properly. the thing is, i wont be surprised if i screw it up despite the efforts ive made. i would also like to blame august why i ended up taking the responsibilities in the first place because it was offered this month but i had a choice. whether its good or bad still remains to be seen. although, its leaning towards "bad" already. or its just the way i see it.
there are a couple of minor unfortunate stuff that happened today. nothing peculiar like the two incidents above. just small irritating and annoying crap which are avoidable or could have been prevented but i wasnt able to, and if added all together makes today, a bad day. not a really bad day but i guess when august kicks in, im subjected to the ordinary forces of luck that a common person encounters in his or her daily life. either im just used to be being lucky and august just takes away what comes naturally, or im just convincing myself that what im experiencing right now is what most people deal with in their daily life and i only deal with it once in a year within one full month. either way, things arent going well for me.
and i hope my theory is incorrect that my unfortunate month is divided into weeks, two weeks in august and two weeks in october. because there was a time when only half of august was bad. and the worst half came in october. anyway, it doesnt look that way since even if august is halfway over, it appears to me that things are bound to get harder in the next two weeks. not a hunch. its based from stuff that are happening now. if my supervising lawyer's joke has some grain of truth in it, that i have the gift of foresight (which was mentioned in an entirely different context, im just relating it to this entry), then im going to be exposed to extremely stressful shit in the next two weeks.
and my head is aching right now, and for some reason i have a clogged nose even if i dont have a cold. its not the kind of clogged nose you have when one has a cold. i hope its just some temporary thing or some allergic reaction. because if it means im going to be sick, and i cant afford to be sick in the next few weeks, then i dont want to imagine how things could possibly be worse.
Wednesday, August 06, 2008
right on schedule
it never fails. only in august. not really. most likely to happen in august.
the day started a little well. went to the QC RTC to file some manifestations. nothing bad happened. then went to the UP Post Office to mail another manifestation. again, nothing bad happened there. well, except for the fact that i had to spend for the postage fees. but there isnt anything peculiar with that. after the post office, i then rode a jeep to go to SM North so i could ride a bus to Monumento. thats when it started to rain. well, it is the rainy season, so its something expected. so when i reached philcoa, it was raining. when i rode the bus to Monumento, it was raining. when i walked from Monumento to 10th Avenue, it was raining. when i rode a jeep to go to the Caloocan judicial courts, it was still raining. when i reached the judicial courts, thats when the rain stopped, minutes before i was about to enter the building. how nice. again, it happens, so nothing to complain about. things went well in the Caloocan MTC. i was able to photocopy the things i needed and the people there were really friendly. so i then started to head back and go to Marikina. when i reached Monumento (after walking all the way from 10th avenue), the sole of my left shoe got detached. it was 90% detached so i really couldnt use my left shoe. fortunately, the cigarette vendor was nice enough to get me some slippers which she sold for P30 (while waiting for the cigarette vendor to come back, a woman fell prey to "snatching" who lost an earring or pair of earrings). so i bought it and then looked for a shoe repair guy. i found one and i had to wait for an hour. so i wasted an hour fucking around, because what else can i do? i cant go anywhere. sure i have slippers, so what? i was already heading to Marikina. and by this time, i was already tired. ive done a lot of walking already, most of it under the rain. and my umbrella isnt in good condition either. when i got my shoe back, it was almost 3pm so i doubt i will make it to Marikina in time. so i just headed back to school and study. since i was so drained and tired, i just ended up sleeping in the library. i woke up from time to time to read a little but i was just so fucking drained. around 630pm, had a meeting with groupmates. finally, something productive. around 9pm, had another meeting with another set of blockmates. really tiring day. around quarter to 10, had dinner with some of my blockmates. and probably half an hour later, went home walking. because im forcing myself to start walking home again to save some money and to at least get some exercise. thats when the 5min rain started pouring. how nice. it rains when im walking outside. it was short but strong enough to get my socks wet. well, because it quickly created puddles on the road and my shoes arent exactly water resistant. and i have a long walk to go. so even when the rain stopped already, my socks were wet already. damage has been done. at least nothing bad happened after that. maybe tomorrow. and i still have more than 3 full weeks left to endure.
thats the thing. its just a bunch of little unfortunate stuff when taken together becomes really burdensome. well, it usually does rain when im outdoors so i guess the only bad thing that happened was the shoe incident which caused delay which prevented me to do things as planned which could have fucked up consequences in the following days.
the day started a little well. went to the QC RTC to file some manifestations. nothing bad happened. then went to the UP Post Office to mail another manifestation. again, nothing bad happened there. well, except for the fact that i had to spend for the postage fees. but there isnt anything peculiar with that. after the post office, i then rode a jeep to go to SM North so i could ride a bus to Monumento. thats when it started to rain. well, it is the rainy season, so its something expected. so when i reached philcoa, it was raining. when i rode the bus to Monumento, it was raining. when i walked from Monumento to 10th Avenue, it was raining. when i rode a jeep to go to the Caloocan judicial courts, it was still raining. when i reached the judicial courts, thats when the rain stopped, minutes before i was about to enter the building. how nice. again, it happens, so nothing to complain about. things went well in the Caloocan MTC. i was able to photocopy the things i needed and the people there were really friendly. so i then started to head back and go to Marikina. when i reached Monumento (after walking all the way from 10th avenue), the sole of my left shoe got detached. it was 90% detached so i really couldnt use my left shoe. fortunately, the cigarette vendor was nice enough to get me some slippers which she sold for P30 (while waiting for the cigarette vendor to come back, a woman fell prey to "snatching" who lost an earring or pair of earrings). so i bought it and then looked for a shoe repair guy. i found one and i had to wait for an hour. so i wasted an hour fucking around, because what else can i do? i cant go anywhere. sure i have slippers, so what? i was already heading to Marikina. and by this time, i was already tired. ive done a lot of walking already, most of it under the rain. and my umbrella isnt in good condition either. when i got my shoe back, it was almost 3pm so i doubt i will make it to Marikina in time. so i just headed back to school and study. since i was so drained and tired, i just ended up sleeping in the library. i woke up from time to time to read a little but i was just so fucking drained. around 630pm, had a meeting with groupmates. finally, something productive. around 9pm, had another meeting with another set of blockmates. really tiring day. around quarter to 10, had dinner with some of my blockmates. and probably half an hour later, went home walking. because im forcing myself to start walking home again to save some money and to at least get some exercise. thats when the 5min rain started pouring. how nice. it rains when im walking outside. it was short but strong enough to get my socks wet. well, because it quickly created puddles on the road and my shoes arent exactly water resistant. and i have a long walk to go. so even when the rain stopped already, my socks were wet already. damage has been done. at least nothing bad happened after that. maybe tomorrow. and i still have more than 3 full weeks left to endure.
thats the thing. its just a bunch of little unfortunate stuff when taken together becomes really burdensome. well, it usually does rain when im outdoors so i guess the only bad thing that happened was the shoe incident which caused delay which prevented me to do things as planned which could have fucked up consequences in the following days.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)