"what could have been" is a very sad phrase

i was eating at mcdonalds the other day. i was tired and i felt like giving myself a treat by eating dinner at mcdonalds (i dont eat at mcdonalds or any other fast food as frequently as i did last june or first few weeks of july). i was alone, as usual, and just watching the people around me. and thats when it hit me, a feeling that resembled regret. maybe it was regret. i just saw something that made me remember a choice i made a few years ago. if i chose otherwise, i thought, i might not be sitting at mcdonalds alone. i might be sitting with this person, eating the burger happily despite the tiring day. spending a few minutes with her would be enough to wipe out the bad things that happen to me every single day. well, thats an exaggeration but its plausible. but thats just the thing, its only a possibility. and mere possibility is not good enough for me. thats why i made the choice i made back then. i could be happy right now, but the word "could" just doesnt persuade me to choose otherwise. thats when i reminded myself that ive committed to staying single for the rest of my life. and that made the feeling of regret go away. sure its not easy to commit to it but its not difficult either. maybe because i dont have prospects at the moment but i doubt i will have any since i easily lose interest. or im not susceptible to love or something like it. i remember back in gradeschool, every year i have a new crush. thats why i dont have a childhood sweetheart to think of or think about (just thought about it because the movie i rented and watched earlier involved going back to his childhood love or whatever thats called and they ended up being together). maybe i was just tired thats why the feeling of regret leaked and reminded of things im forcing myself not to even bother to think about.