give love limited

love hurts. it hurts both the giver and the receiver. it just has to. sooner or later, love has to hurt. although im not saying its not possible to have love that doesnt hurt, i would say its an extreme rarity to have love in one's life in such a way. and i would say unfortunate are those who only have the blissful feeling of love and not have its painful part. they will never know what love is.

anyway, it seems to me people find it hard to hurt the ones they love, even if it might be necessary (like parents and their love for their children). or they think they have hurt them enough that they cant hurt them any more than what they have already done. thats what makes the hurtful part of love tricky (its always tricky). how would you know enough is enough? when will you know if its necessary? as usual, this has no rational answer. the person just has to know what is reasonable and unreasonable and when it is reasonable or unreasonable. reasonability and rationality are two different things for me. what can be rational may not be reasonable given certain circumstances. or a very rational person may be unreasonable from time to time. point is, handling the hurtful part of love is a life-long struggle. its a never ending quest to comprehend what love dictates. you succumb to its power but one should not submit to it entirely.

i see people who are reasonable in giving love. or start out to be reasonable. then after a while, they just lose control (or are not mindful that they need to exercise reason to gain control) and keep on giving love that the receiver of it never learns how to handle properly the love he or she receiving. he or she becomes accustomed to the "excessive" love he or she is getting that the person starts to think thats how it is to love a person. that person is not accustomed with the amount of pain love brings with it. the person sees the hurtful part as a burdensome annoyance and never learns how to deal with it. the person then starts to ignore it and just focus on the positive side of love, hence never really learning how to properly give love. the person grows up with the mistaken notion that to give love is to shelter the person he or she loves from all the pains and worries of the world. the person is of the belief that the recipient of this love will necessarily reciprocate the same way he or she did to the giver of the love he or she has grown accustomed with. the person therefore has a distorted perception of love. and its all because he or she was never given the opportunity to be hurt and deal with it on his or her own. because the giver of the love is always afraid that the person might not be ready for it or not strong enough to handle it yet. the giver therefore is always there to assist or help. like i said, its hard to determine what and when it is reasonable to allow the receiver to be hurt. its hard to say up to what extent should the receiver be allowed to handle the pain. my answer to this is not a good one actually. just let him or her have it. if he or she fails to handle it, let him or her figure out what to do next. let him or her wallow in pain. if he or she asks for help, provide the most minimal amount of help that can be given. if he or she survives, then good for that person. if it destroys him or her, then im sorry but love isnt for him or her. its harsh, irrational and unreasonable (and its easy for me to say this because i havent actually been in such a position, i can only imagine). so in the end, my answer is as risky as giving love excessively and constantly waiting for the right time to let the pain come in to the receiver's life in controlled amounts. either way, it destroys the receiver of the love.

who are these receivers? they are the ones who are quick to ask for help or expect to be helped when they longer recognize the love that is in front of them. they are the ones who quickly break down when they feel a piece of love's wrath (just a piece). they are the ones who are left dumbfounded when love does something that's contrary to their expectations. they are the ones we make use of as examples for horror or tragic love stories (or some of them because some really know how to deal with love, it just so happens that luck isnt on their side or some other external factor). sometimes its too late to make them recognize love in the proper sense that no amount of reasoning can be used to make them see the real kind of love (not that they dont listen, its just that they cant change what they know no matter how much other people try to correct them). or too late to make them learn how to handle its painful side. sometimes its too late to make them feel its pain and teach them how to bounce back from the fall. sometimes the most you can do is hurt them physically, hoping you can make his or her brain undergo a hard reset and remove all the clutter that he or she needs to unlearn. its not a guaranteed method of course but at least there's a chance of it happening and you get to release some frustrations. i havent done it, and most likely i wont be able to test it. but it appears to me to be a very reasonable idea yet an irrational one. i have the opportunity to test this idea but unfortunately, i cant take it (its another one of those experiments that society will not approve).