is it a pang?

i thought i was immune to regret. well, i was. not anymore. somehow regret figured a way how to get to me.

regret made me realize, just now, that ive been quick to judge people. well, a person.

its not the same feeling i had when i was eating at mcdonalds a few weeks ago. this one is much worse. this time, the feeling is like seeing her right in front of me after being hit by a brick in the face and she's just staring at me with a look as if saying i had my chance and i blew it and i acted like its not an opportunity worth taking.

well, its a loss i thought i could easily accept. and regret just made me realize that my life has been partly about me making decisions which i think is risky when in fact its not because i know or i feel that im the one at the losing end. so before i even take the risk, im already convincing myself i can afford to lose. its not a risk when i know the likely outcome and im also ok with the fact that i will lose. what i was doing was not betting to win but hoping to be surprised, for the unexpected to happen. well, life was never nice enough to let me have the unexpected im expecting. its like ive always been betting on the improbable, hoping for the improbable to happen. thats the reason why i lost recently on a P100 bet i made a few days ago. it was possible but not very probable. its like im aiming for a big win (i gained something and i also proved that the improbable can happen). and i thought i was risk averse because i always weigh and study stuff like options or decisions. or so i think. so what else will i allow myself to lose?