wanting more than life can offer

when was the last time i practiced an ascetic lifestyle? i look at myself now and i see no trace of what i used to be. i had a sense of discipline then. well, more of self-control. my wants and desires were fully restrained. too restrained that i felt that they didn't exist. i didnt have a longing for things (well, not as much as i do now). there's only need. now im just a materialistic person. i still operate on the basis of need but there is now a recognition that i do want things in life other than the basic necessities. ive become that person i used to prevent myself from becoming. someone who is having a difficult time controlling himself and his desires.

there's nothing wrong with wanting stuff. the problem lies with wanting more and not being contented or satisfied. im not going to say its immoral to want more than necessary but its really a problem because one will be in a perpetual state of frustration and dissatisfaction. especially when one has the tendency to be greedy. there's no such thing as enough for a greedy person. there's always something more. having it all means a never ending desire to acquire things just for the sake of acquiring it. there's no such thing as enough.

i used to aspire to live a very simple life because i know my greedy tendencies. i limit myself to the basic necessities. only go for what i need. my wants and my happiness were never my concern. i managed to get by without it. well, i had to. because i knew then that i will never be happy with something not good enough. i would rather not have what this life can offer if its not good enough. it will only disappoint me in the end. now that i think about it, its kind of weird that i denied myself things, like happiness, for the simple reason that i want more than what's available to be given or offered. so, my ascetic lifestyle was based on an "all or nothing" philosophy.

the last time i remember trying to live an ascetic lifestyle was 2003. i really should revert back to my old ways. besides, i think that lifestyle is more attuned with where im heading right now.

am i missing the obvious?

Around the last week of April or maybe around first few weeks of May, i started looking for my scapular. Why? i dont know. back then, i just felt i had to look for it. and i didnt find it. i looked for it at the places i thought it would be. it wasnt there. it was only yesterday that i saw it by accident. where was it? right in front of me. well, if i were working at my study table. it was just there, out in the open, right before my eyes, in my direct line of vision. and i looked for it inside the cabinet right behind me. so i was searching for something thats right before me all this time, and i looked for it at the wrong place, facing the wrong direction. and i finally found it at the "wrong" time. well, wrong time because i dont have that same feeling of wanting to have it as before. but why i felt or had the need to have it before, that i dont know. a scapular is said to be something that will provide protection from danger or evil spirits. well, nothing of that sort happened to me since April. but a scapular is more than that. according to wikipedia, "devotional scapulars are sacramentals, primarily worn by Roman Catholics, designed to show the wearer's pledge to a confraternity, a saint, or a way of life, as well as reminding the wearer of that promise". Now that i found my scapular again, im now considering taking seriously the "pledge" i made a few years ago, around 2006. a pledge that i made for the wrong reason. the thing about this pledge is, its going to be difficult to live a lifestyle in accordance with this pledge.

why so serious?

"Do you always have to have a purpose? Do you always have to be so damn serious? Can’t you ever do things without reason, just like everybody else? You’re so serious, so old. Everything’s important with you, everything’s great, significant in some way, every minute, even when you keep still. Can’t you ever be comfortable--and unimportant?" - Peter Keating

i realized that this might be the answer to the question:

"I am more comfortable tense." - Andre Clement

work

for a guy who once promised himself that he will get a job involving the great outdoors, i really suck at keeping that promise.

not that i dont like my job (actually i like it because the work im involved in is related to my college course). its just that, i never thought im going to be really ok with it. i mean, its really an indoor office work (so its not really the nature of the work. its more on the place of the work). and i dont find it loathsome. thats how i thought being in a cubicle all day long would feel.

i use two computers. the work PC and my laptop. i use both simultaneously. i multitask. i use my laptop for personal stuff and work PC for work stuff. obviously. but there are times that i use both for work stuff. so the work PC manages the emails, calendar, and some files, while the laptop manages research, drafts and some more files i didnt transfer to the work PC. and i do that while im on the phone and receiving text messages. good thing i learned to multitask this year. and i dont do that all day. because if i do that all day, my brain would have to learn how to think in four ways independently and simultaneously.

and i synchronize the two computers with my PDA. and i use the PDA to update my cellphone's contact details.

i guess what makes this office job not as bad as i once thought is the fact that...i dont know. i really dont know. i guess i just dont know myself that much. that i could like things i thought i would hate.

give and take

there's always someone there for me. i find that puzzling and a bit weird. why is it that wherever i go, there's always someone ready and willing to help. and most of them aren't expecting anything in return. why is that? in a way i do understand that its possible to help someone and not expect anything in return but for me, it makes more sense to at least get something back. im a believer of the equivalent exchange rule.

but then again, there are those who do ask for something in return. or dont ask for it but they make you feel that you are obliged to give something in return. back then, i could easily say "i never asked for your help. i didnt seek your assistance". well, back then, my attitude was "so what if i benefited? you gave it, i took it, i dont feel obliged to give anything in return. the way i see it, it was purely voluntary on your part and i passively accepted. why do i have to actively do something to return the favor i didnt ask for?". anyway, now it just feels plain wrong not to have a sense of gratitude. i benefited so its only fair to give some kind of compensation to the person who provided such benefit. this "adult" way of doing things sucks but thats how this world operates. thats being fair. thats preventing unjust enrichment. in a way, the gratitude system can be a mechanism to moderate greed, now that i think about it. can be. but not actually.

take care because i dont

for an excessively cautious person like me who tries to foresee everything and prepare for it, i can be ridiculously reckless sometimes. the annoying thing about this is that, sometimes its the reckless things that happen that matter more.

there's only one loser in this scenario

see more Fail Blog

I good you bid evening

You can do whatever you want to do with your life but one day you'll know what love truly is. Its the sour and the sweet. And i know sour, which allows me to appreciate the sweet. - Brian Shelby

Your subconscious can always play tricks on you. the subconscious is a very powerful thing - Rebecca Dearborn


Its in his nature to fight for his existence. - Edmund Ventura

Just finished watching Vanilla Sky. I don't even know why i rented it. i just did. anyway, it reminded me of how powerful the subconscious is. and i just realized that ive been telling people that im getting some sleep or enough sleep but at the same time people are telling me that i need to sleep or whether ive had some sleep. and come to think of it, ive been taking short naps during work and i fall asleep from time to time during review classes. makes me wonder, have i really been sleeping? i think so. maybe im just really sleepy during the day lately. i dont know. i hope my subconscious isnt playing tricks on me. if it is, at least i dont have mysterious bruises or scratches when i wake up like a few years ago. those scratches puzzled me actually. but i didnt give it much thought.

i also realized that i should stop thinking of the subconscious in the traditional sense. im starting to think that my subconscious is already operating in the concious world and not restricted in some separate realm. the subconscious is really a tricky creature. because now that i take a closer look at how things are, it seems that theyve been orchestrated.

anyway, i didnt know that swallowing meant something. or its just a girl with crazy eyes theory. like the "when you sleep with someone, your body makes a promise whether you do or not." thats like a very dangerous unwritten rule. i really should work on the RPC. but before that, i really should get some sleep.

Megan Fox PSA

Whew!

i did something idiotic earlier. i deleted my recycle bin! when i saw my recycle bin disappear from my desktop, i wondered, why the hell would there be an option to delete the recycle bin? anyway, this guy Leo and his website was very useful. im now seriously considering ditching Windows Vista.

five seconds

thats the only the time needed by august to do what it has to do.

this day started around almost noon. had lunch at pizza hut since the line at KFC was long and it was already crowded. i thought that by the time i get my order, i probably wont have a place to sit. thats why i opted to eat at pizza hut. table for one i said to the waiter. this is in taft avenue area. it took some time before i got my order. and when i got it, they gave me a one piece roast chicken that was very difficult to eat. that was probably the most difficult chicken wing ive ever had. i wished i chose kenny rogers instead. so i said to myself, no surprise there. not only am i not lucky during august, im very unlucky. little did i know that august was just warming up.

after eating my lunch, rode the LRT to go to QC. i had to get the van so i can pick up my stuff. i just had to schedule my moving out of the apartment on the first day of august. i thought i could take whatever august has in store for me. besides, i have no choice. i was busy during the last few days of july. i really had no other option. anyway, while i was walking from the LRT station towards the MRT Taft station, i was holding my left back pocket to see if my phone was there. i was walking with a moving crowd of people so i had to check my pockets from time to time. pickpockets could strike anytime. well, my phone was there. more or less five seconds later, i checked my pocket again, my phone was gone. what the? i stopped walking and checked again. my phone wasnt there. i looked around to see if there's anyone suspicious. nope. everyone was minding their own business and really looked like no one had an idea that i just lost my phone. i checked again. my phone was no where to be found.

it took me around 30 minutes before i got over it. after 30 minutes, i accepted the fact that my phone was gone and i need to buy a new one. and then start getting people's numbers and contact details. damn it.

well, august, the good thing about you is that you are always on schedule and you are one reliable bastard. a window of five seconds and one of the most important things i have disappears without a trace. i love that phone and you took it. you really are one crazy piece of shit august. so, what else you got? im going to endure 30 more of your worthless days because with the year ive been through, i have nothing to lose anymore but my non-existent chains.

will august bring the rain?

at this moment, im not that worried about august. or maybe i just dont want to worry about it.

not that im expecting it to be kind to me this year and not give me tons of unfortunate shit but it just so happens that ive been through a lot of shit already. whatever august has in store for me...well, it could just simply be another bunch of unfortunate shit ive been having since the first half of this year...or could finally send me to my tipping point.

my optimist self is saying that in any case, its a good thing for me. "whatever" replies my pessimist self. "whatever doesnt kill me will make me harder, better, faster and stronger" says my optimist self. pessimist self replies with a dead pan expression saying, "i love your sense of humor. it tickles every inch of my body. we can take august on any time with that kind of attitude and it wont hurt. not one bit." optimist self just smiles back. i think im going to have a lot of this optimist-pessimist shit next month.

if ever august is the month that will bring the rain, i just hope that the shit ive been through changed me enough that i will still be standing once the rain is over. im really getting tired with all the crap the other months have given me.

i initially wanted to write something like me challenging august to bring the rain. that after all the shit ive been through, august can do me no wrong. then i realized, im really tired. i dont want to put up with any more shit. i want a ceasefire from shit being thrown at me. but then again, thats not how it goes. i just dont know where i will get the energy to take august on in case its the one that will bring the rain. i feel old and weak. crap..

more or less 16 months and 20 days?

500 Days of Summer

Trailer: Click HERE
Movie Info: Click HERE and HERE
Official Site: Click HERE
Movie Review: Click HERE
Soundtrack: Click HERE

i havent posted anything movie related for quite some time. and im not even sure if this movie is any good. i just learned about it yesterday and it seems good enough because zooey deschanel is in it.

identity crisis

i just googled myself (something i do from time to time) and found out there's this other guy with the same first name and family name. and this search result is something recent, like this month (well, i havent googled myself for quite some time). what the? ok...that might also be his name. i mean, there's a good probability that someone else has the same name as me (like my high school batchmate who has the same two given names (first name and second name) as me. the similarity ended with the first name, second name and first letter of the surname).

whats bothering me is that i love my name. i really do. and the fact that someone has the same name as me is just something im not expecting. i thought my name is unique enough that i can really call it my own and no one elses. well, im really very possessive. anyway, good thing he appears to be younger than me. so i can claim i owned the name first. so far i havent met or heard anyone older than me that has the same "full" name (the full name i normally use is my first name and surname. if i were to use my true full name or my birth certificate name, i would have to add my second "first" name which is frederick and my middle name or initial. second name sometimes refer to mother's maiden name in some countries. in our country, second name refers to the second given name because we usually provide two "first" names in addition to the mother's maiden last name and the father's last name as surname. i think)

oh well, i guess i should start using my second given name more frequently to identify myself properly. at least i dont have to change my signature which is simply my nickname.

weight matters

im down to 148lbs. i would say its not good because i dont easily gain weight (and i dont lose this much weight either). its actually an effort for me to gain some weight.

as of january 2008, my weight was 170-172lbs.

when i graduated from college, i was 150-155lbs. that was march 2004.

when i was a college freshman, my weight was 130lbs.

i started gaining weight around 3rd year college. and i started gaining weight again around 3rd year in law school. just a coincidence. i knew how much i ate in both instances when i gained weight. around 3rd year college, my class schedule allowed me to have lunch at home so i usually ate for a full hour because i took my time eating my lunch and i ate a lot too (in addition to the food i ate in school). also i was taking some meds for my skin allergy that increased my appetite. as for my weight gain in law school, i usually eat while sitting around, waiting for people or stuff. i had a lot of money to spend for food during that time. so in both instances, it was merely an increase in appetite and food intake. and lack of physical and mental activity.

i started at 130lbs when i was a college freshman. and after 9 years my current weight now is just 18lbs away from my weight back in 2000. ive been attempting to gain some weight but i really cant maintain it for more than a week. and ive never steadily lost this much weight before. normally i lose 5 but i regain it after some time. i cant lose more weight because it took me years to gain the weight ive gained. and i really need me some blubber for next year. if things go as i want them to be, i will need to gain back the pounds i lost or reach 180lbs because i expect to lose weight next year because next year will be a very demanding year, physically and mentally.

2009 single

"I've still got a lot of years ahead of me to just erase these feelings. i want to go back and finish the things I've yet to finish."

AGAIN by YUI

I'm supposed to be chasing after my dream in this narrow winding road, stumbling in the crowds of people.

It's not that I want to return to that past, I am just searching for the sky I have lost. I hope you understand. Don't make that sad face as if you have been sacrificed. Tears aren't the end of one's sins. We have to carry it with us forever, in this maze of emotions that has no exit.

Who am I waiting for? As scribbled on the blank note, I want to blurt it out more justly. What do I want to escape from? Is it this thing called "reality"?

"For what am I living for?" In the middle of the night as my memories are fading. I can't play safe anymore, but there is nowhere to go too. There's still so much in life to remove this feeling. I will feel nostalgic about it. I welcome this pain.

I have to apologize for this. I'm sorry. I can't say it well. I'm just causing worries.

Everything that I embraced that day. Everything that I will embrace tomorrow. I will not arrange them in any order. I hope you understand. I closed my eyes but I could still see things I do not want to see.

Unnecessary rumors that I hear for the first time, so what? "Face it and we will be friends" Don't tell lies like these. My heart agitated from deep inside, a burning sensation runs through my body.

Actually I'm expecting something from this thing called "reality". "For what am I living for?" I want to shout it out loud. Can you hear me? I can't play safe anymore, but there is nowhere to go too.

I am grateful for all the kindness, so I want to become stronger to march on (im on the way). I do welcome friends and foes.

How do I open the next door? I'm thinking. The unretractable story has begun. Open your eyes. Open your eyes.

There is still so much in life to remove this feeling. I want to start all over again so that I can complete what I haven't done. Shall we go again?

"For what am I living?" I want to shout it out loud. Can you hear me? I can't play safe anymore, but there is nowhere to go too. I am grateful for all the kindness, so I want to become stronger. I feel the nostalgia.

I welcome this pain.

Music Vid: click HERE

restaurant with no exit

if you already have a feeling how your life will end, or how your life will be, will you try to change it? not because you dont like how things will be, but just because you dont want the idea that the life given to you was never truly yours to control and never will be. that there is such a thing as an inescapable fate.

would you spend the rest of your life trying to change it? even if all the efforts you do appear futile because life keeps bringing you back on the track youre supposed to take, to the fate you have been assigned to have. no matter how many wrong turns you force or deviations you make, life forces you to crash back to where you are supposed to be. really crash back. that no matter how many times you try to run away, life manages to make sure you dont get far from the track youre supposed to be in so it can easily pull you back. that you will always end up where you started to leave the track you are destined to take. would you spend your life cursing the heavens for giving you the gift of life and at the same time chaining you to a creature named fate?

"Fate is like a strange, unpopular restaurant with odd waiters who bring you things you never asked for and don't always like." - Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events: The Slippery Slope

when will the next train arrive? i want to leave this station

life is like one long train ride. you live it by sticking to the tracks. you go from one train to another but you always stick to the tracks. and its a long and difficult ride for most of us even if the trains lead to the same last station.

we start out choosing which train to ride on. usually its the one on the right track. our first train is usually the easiest one. over time, we get tired of riding it, or decide to go to a different direction and ride a different train. so we get off the next station and wonder which train to ride next. sometimes we even think when we'll ride the next train. so we stay on a station for a while. in some stations, we notice that some passengers are taking too long to decide where to go and they appear stuck. some of us then wish that they dont become one of them. so some of us ride the next train without much thought.

every time we ride a new train heading towards a new direction, we meet other passengers, we see new sceneries, we learn new things. we always gain something from every train ride. and we lose some things too.

in some train rides, some of us realize soon enough that they are on the wrong track. good for them. some realize a little later. some of us will never realize they are on the wrong track until its too late. some of these people are just waiting to reach the last station. they stop caring what train they're on or where their train is heading. for them, it wouldnt matter because all of us will reach the same last station.

some manage to get to the train that will bring them back on the right track (that is if they figure out where the right track is). some dont and keep riding one wrong train after another. so in a way, we are always on track. the question is, are we on the right one or the wrong one?

some of us are lucky enough to meet other passengers we can ride with. probably because they are heading towards the same direction in reaching the last station. or they are just making the most out of each ride until they go their separate ways and ride different trains.

some of us always ride alone, either by choice or otherwise. some of us end up riding alone.

in any case, all of us needs to keep riding these trains. there's no escaping life until we reach the last station.

life is a blur

sometimes it seems things go by too quickly. were so busy watching out for what's just ahead of us that we dont take the time to enjoy where we are. days go by and we hardly notice them. life becomes a blur. often it takes some calamity to make us live in the present. then suddenly we wake up and see all the mistakes weve made. but its too late to change anything. - calvin

2nd fuck filled day

fuck! really? another shitty day? bad news brewing everywhere. holy shitload!

is this life's law of equivalent exchange? where for every happiness you get, you have to pay for it with seven times the hardship or whatever negative or opposite equivalent of happiness. right now, you suck life! you suck big time! youre making death look so sweet and appealing. unfortunately, death doesnt like me either. damn you death! but i hate life more at the moment.

you just gave me a full year of problems, life. one of them is currently "unsolvable". and probably will be because i have killed a lot of brain cells trying to think of a solution and the answer i got is...i cant solve it alone. fuck! and it seems i have no option but to solve it alone. so now what?

life, really? a full year of foreseeable problems? meaning there's a bunch of nasty surprises in the next half of this fucked up year. i dont like them but i know life will give it to me anyway.

2009, if i make it until the 31st of december, im going to make sure im going to kick 2010's ass if 2010 will try to be the same as you 2009.

ok...i know i sound crazy because im talking to life, 2009 and 2010 but really, im just fucking pissed. that simple.

Fuck...

i dont know how many times ive said the word "fuck" today. certainly a hundred at least and im not fucking exaggerating. fuck. fuck is my word of the day for June...cant even fucking remember the date....for june 02, 2009. shit. yeah. i alternate shit and fuck but i say fuck 75% more often today. i usually say crap. but today is just fucking different. the gravity of the shit calls for the expression fuck and not crap.

if i have a travelling machine, im going to put my 2009 foot up my 2005 ass. fuck. why did my 2005 self had this stupid philosophy of "let future self worry about it". well, im future self and im fucking worrying about it now! damn you 2005 bum! shit. i mean, what the crap is the point of having a good sense of foresight when its coupled with a goddamn dumbass philosophy. i knew this will happen four years ago but my 2005 self had to say,"well, future self can handle it so im just going to be a lazy ass and sit all day". well, im having a hard time handling it 2005 piece of shit.

and why the hell is my method of teaching or making a point has to be me telling "i told you so" after doing shitty stuff at my expense? dumbass self! why cant i just make an illustration or patiently explain it? why do i have to actually do it? like, "the idea is absurd! i will prove it by actually doing it!" after going through the absurdity..."see, i told you so." fuck. now im in that absurd situation and saying "i told you so". i have made my point. and im right. now what!? time and effort lost just to make a stupid point. fuck.

2005 self, you are lucky you live in the past. now i have a choice whether to screw the life of 2012 self or save him the trouble by fixing the shit ive made now.

absurd!!!

Your Mafia of 501 fought against Big \\\\\\\"D\\\\\\\" with 54 AR-15 Assault Rifles, 2 Easter Egg Bombs, 3 AA-12 Auto Shotguns, 3 Bushmaster ACRs, 4 Midas' Butterfly Knives, 76 Napalms, a Gold Desert Eagle, 59 Bookie's Holdout Pistols, 3 Sub Machine Guns, a Bloody Webby, 185 Bonus weapons, 68 RPG Launchers, 2 Harpoon Guns, a Bloody Mop, a Tire Iron, a Weighted Knuckle Gloves , 27 Chain Guns, 10 .50 Caliber Rifles, 51 Federal Agents, 3 I Heart Mom Tattoos, 3 Half Dollar Body Armors, 66 Bodyguards, 64 Night Vision Goggles, 21 Body Armors, 104 Stab-Proof Vests, 62 Falsified Documents, 3 Bullet Proof Vests, 36 Lucky Shamrock Medallions, 50 Humvees, 57 Police Cruisers, 50 Porsche 911s, 64 Harley Davidson "Fat Boy" Motorcycles, a Veyron, 3 Indy Racers, 50 Armored Limousines, 62 Armored Cars, a Chrome Skyline, 59 Private Jets, 41 Town Cars, 59 Luxury Yachts, 3 '35 Cabriolets, and a Stolen Mail Truck.

Big \\\\\\\"D\\\\\\\"'s Mafia of 7 fought with a Gold Desert Eagle, a Sub Machine Gun, a Bloody Webby, a Tire Iron, a Car Bomb, a Chain Gun, a Trench Knife, 7 Falsified Documents, 3 Armored Limousines, and 4 Private Jets.

Big \\\\\\\"D\\\\\\\" scored a critical hit! You LOST the fight along with $100,000, taking 10 damage and dealing 8 damage to your enemy.

i was about to go online on YM when...

crap. a minute of hesitation...might as well post some quotes...

The man who is guided by concepts and abstractions only succeeds by such means in warding off misfortune, without ever gaining any happiness for himself from these abstractions. And while he aims for the greatest possible freedom from pain, the intuitive man, standing in the midst of a culture, already reaps from his intuition a harvest of continually inflowing illumination, cheer, and redemption — in addition to obtaining a defense against misfortune. To be sure, he suffers more intensely, when he suffers; he even suffers more frequently, since he does not understand how to learn from experience and keeps falling over and over again into the same ditch. - Friedrich Nietzsche

Those who restrain desire, do so because theirs is weak enough to be restrained. - William Blake

Im a Sagittarius Pig!

how could i miss the obvious! im a sagittarian...and im a pig! a sagittarius pig!

ive been studying all day long and im too tired to study some more. so i checked my facebook account and stumbled upon this application that leads to this website...i think. too tired to even pay attention.

wow, im a sagittarius pig! never crossed my mind. im speechless. i mean, really? ok...im just oozing with sarcasm at the moment. all this studying is really making me...anyway...

Sagittarius/Pig Profile:


These Pigs live to be (or at least appear to be) above reproach. They may get up to some shady mischief. But they prefer to keep it hush hush. They are rapaciously observant and cannot leave a detail alone. Gentle in love, they are rarely faithful to a life long mate.



THE HONORABLE SENSUALIST
Still waters run deep. The Sagittarian Pig, above reproach in moral conduct and beyond social disapprobation, tries very hard to maintain a spotless reputation. Not that the Sagittarius/Pig is a Pollyanna and only capable of Boy Scoutism. Not at all. But this person attends to his or her public name by staying clear of trouble and acting the role of moralist. Of course, this pristine do-good behavior only goes so far. The Sagittarian/Pig is still (pardon the expression) a Pig. So this upstanding citizen type who has many axes to grind with everything from politics to artistic expression is frequently found out to be a secret wallower.



Positive Traits : cheerfulness, valor, solicitude, open handedness, honor, reason, scrupulousness, voluptuousness, gallantry, culture, sincerity, honesty


Negative Traits : outspokenness, vacillation, recklessness, carelessness, bad manners, contradiction, credulity, materialism, wrath, gourmandism, hesitation, pigheadedness

its friday and im in...the mood to talk about the cure

The cure for love is still in most cases that ancient radical medicine: love in return. - Nietzsche

Really Nietzsche, really? well, he did say most cases.

come to think of it, what did he mean by cure? does he agree with me that love is an infectious disease? i really should read his books and not settle for excerpts. i havent read Nietzsche since i was this nosy college student who checked Fr. David's list of recommended readings for another class. i just felt like reading them. the same way when i saw a shelf of books on Marxism and read them just because i wanted to read them.

anyway, if love is an infectious disease...how do you get rid of it? i mean, if you get love in return, you dont get rid of it, you let it grow and consume you. how can love in return cure love? getting love in return doesnt cancel the love one already feels. whoever developed this love thingie anyway? this love business shit. how did it exist? where does it reside? must be some kind of virus that infects the mentally weak. if one needs a cure, its some kind of sickness isnt it? and who in their right mind would like to be sick? well, thats why those who are infected with this goddamn feeling isnt in their right minds.

if love in return is the cure for love in most cases, what about the other cases? whats the cure? hate? can hate love? or can love hate? i dont think love can hate. nor can hate love. what the hell am i saying? at 330am, i should be sleeping. but i cant.

anyway, Nietzsche has more to say on love:

"The shortsighted are in love.-- Sometimes it requires only a stronger pair of spectacles to cure the lover, and he who had the imagination to picture a face, a figure twenty years older would perhaps pass through life very undisturbed."

so, thats another cure for love, a stronger pair of spectacles. i used to have those. wait, im still wearing those! damn it.

"There is not enough love and goodness in the world for us to be permitted to give any of it away to imaginary things."

give love to an imaginary thing. well, sometimes thats what works for other people. maybe thats their cure...and disease at the same time.

i cant help but be scared of it all sometimes

its...well, it was 3am when i wrote this (since i wont be able to post this on blogger because i dont have an internet connection at my current residence). for some reason i cant sleep and i have a fucking pimple on my right armpit! i just find both annoying. not in the mood to review or study. i spend my supposed waking moments studying and i dont want to spend this unintentional waking moment studying too. i just hope this isnt one of those months of insomnia. if it is, i have two things to say: fucking wrong timing and to the girl who wished i had insomnia, well, i have insomnia now...and wrong timing!

insomnia at a time like this...what is God thinking? and im not referring to clock time. im in this part of my life where time really is gold. and im wasting precious gold.

Gawd im hungry. cant even smoke even if i wanted to.

at 3am in the morning, i cant think of a person i cant text and say, "if you happen to talk to God, can you ask Him, what's up with this? 2009 is halfway through and the significant stuff in my life are half-doomed".

my back hurts. ooohhh nooo, not the physical pain again! crap. more distraction. dont tell me im going to have them coughing fits again...and...i dont even want to think about the third one. the physical pain trifecta. damn it. why now!?

ok. i might overreacting since its 3am in the morning. but my back really, really hurts.

im just talking to myself now. well, ive been doing that a lot lately. like Tom Hanks in Castaway. i say out loud, "what will i have for breakfast?" i answer, "well, there's some noodles. there's oatmeal. you can buy some pandesal, or have some scrambled eggs. maybe some breakfast cereal perhaps?" wow, im having a conversation with myself at 7am in the morning. how nice. im not complaining, i just find it amusing that i really cant stop talking that i must talk to myself. sometimes i just have to read something out loud so i can hear myself talk. last night i talked to the wall. well, im still sane because the wall didnt back. if it did, crap, im going to ask someone where i dropped my sanity. and...he or she can have it. i dont need sanity when things are going wrong like this (damn you first half of 2009! wait...will these failures happen all year long? crap. what can i expect on august!?). anyway, if youre wondering what i said to the wall, i just said "im 25 and here i am talking to the wall. a very white wall. so i spent one night of my 25th year talking to a very white wall. really white wall. the person who painted this should be proud of his work. goodnight wall"

well, i study almost all day long (i take breaks of course) and when i get home, im all alone and no one to talk to. this would not be a problem if only im the same person as i was before (like 2 years ago or maybe a year ago?). i used to be an island. unfortunately, when i need to be an island, when i really, really need to live like a hermit, i cant anymore. life is cruel. why the hell do i have to change now? why God why? everyday, i mean, everyday, i look at the sky hoping an answer will enter my head. i look at the In God We Trust neon sign at the top of the building saying "did God just blink?" just to make me think that God is making Himself felt. Oh God, why does my back hurt now that i cant sleep and its 3am in the morning.

i havent played baseball since high school

i was starting to digress in my previous blog entry when i realized that the topic could be a separate blog entry...

what the crap happened to me...looking at myself now that im 25...oh well. life throws a lot of crazy curve balls and the most you can do is be prepared for each one. if you get hit by one of them crazy curve balls, you have no choice but to get back up. it might take some time or it might seem like that damn curve ball inflicted a goddamn unbearable pain, but the only way to deal with it is to get back up (and face those curve balls again that life will never stop throwing. damn you life! haha). i think its not a human tendency to keep facing life's curve balls but its what makes a person stay human or inherently a warm blooded human being. as edward elric said: "envy...youre envious of humans. were so much weaker than you homunculi but battered, confused, even when were beaten and about to collapse, even when we know its pointless, we always stand back up. and if we cant, our friends will lift us"

the idea of always getting back up, the knowledge of a mortal going against what appears to be inhuman conditions, facing the improbable and sometimes the impossible, appears to defy logic and reason, to willingly allow oneself be burned alive and face unimaginable pain for the sake of just moving forward and not giving up the never ending struggle to live and not merely survive. kinda reminds me of iggy pop's song title, lust for life. i think this is what makes some people more human than others. i miss saying i think. am i back to being i am? i hope so. or i hope so?

same banana?

which one is better, a daydreaming realist or an idealist who's in touch with reality? or both of them are just bananas?

speaking of bananas, ive been searching for this poem for years (just because i like it...and i recited this in one of my english classes way back when i was a freshman in college).

The Uncertainty of the Poet
Wendy Cope

I am a poet.

I am very fond of bananas.

I am bananas.

I am very fond of a poet.

I am a poet of bananas.

I am very fond.

A fond poet of “I am, I am”—

Very bananas.

Fond of “Am I bananas?

Am I?” – a very poet.

Bananas of a poet!

Am I Fond? Am I very?

Poet bananas! I am

I am fond of a “very”.

I am of very fond bananas.

Am I a poet?

i was trying hard not to laugh while i was reciting this poem. maybe i should start writing poems again...wonder if i can find my old ones. i stopped writing poems sometime around mid-high school. what the crap happened to me...looking at myself now that im 25...oh well. life throws a lot of crazy curve balls and the most you can do is be prepared for each one.

pain

when people get hurt, they learn to hate. when people hurt others, they become hatred and are racked with guilt. but knowing that pain allows people to be kind, pain allows people to grow. and how you grow is up to you. you know pain, you think about it, and the answer you find is up to you. - jiraiya

shattered glass

i literally mean shattered glass. my coca-cola drinking glass i got from mcdonalds just shattered into pieces. i dropped it accidentally after washing it on the kitchen sink. damn it! i liked that glass. i really, really liked it. i was so happy to buy it and i remember when i got home, i was showing it off to my siblings. crap. i even bought coke just to show them that i was drinking coke with the coke glass. sucks! i dont know if i can find an exact replacement. im already attached to that glass. now im starting to not like the month of april again. how the crap did i drop it! why do things keep breaking! i just hate it. crap. really, really sucks! this isnt the same as the month of august where im unlucky. the bad things that are happening are attributable to me. they arent really beyond my control. it just so happens that im negligent, im not strong enough, i lack sufficient foresight.faults made due to my own shortcomings that lead to wrong decisions and wrong turns.

ok...i just dropped my drinking glass, why the hell am i making a big thing out of an insignificant accident and digressing somewhere else? holy heat! anyway, i really liked that drinking glass and it just sucks because its going to be difficult to find another one...if there is a possibility i can find another one. i get attached to some of the things i own.  

time to rise and shine sleepyhead

i friend just told me a few weeks ago that in my current state (and i think he was referring to my really current state), its either im sleeping or im awake. or something to that effect. so which is which? i guess ive been sleeping for quite some time now (more than a decade perhaps? or less? like short intervals of waking moments and sleep for longer periods), and its time to wake up. really wake up. what worries me is that ive been asleep for so long that im not even sure who i am as a person who's awake. am i still that person? i still think i am but have i changed so much? or as another friend said about people changing, will i become more of myself when i wake up?

i have a theory that somehow will be tested if i do decide to wake up (actually i have decided to wake up, its only a matter of time or figuring out how to really wake up and not go back to sleep again). i have a theory about life and death. the moment a person starts to live is the moment he starts to die. the closer he is in finding the meaning of life, universe and everything, the closer he is in meeting that guy named death. the moment he understands what 42 stands for, is the moment his life ceases because he has seen a glimpse of the true purpose, the true meaning of life. no one is meant to gain life's secret and live long enough to tell anyone about it. thats what makes life personal, meaningful and interesting.

Quotes:

The worst mistake that you can make is to think you're alive when really you're asleep in life's waiting room. - Guy Forsyth

The trick is to combine your waking rational abilities with the infinite possibilities of your dreams. Because, if you can do that, you can do anything. - Guy Forsyth 

im quoting lines from the movie Waking Life...and the weird thing about this movie is when i watched it...my mind wasnt really there. i watched the entire movie with my mind roaming elsewhere. so my memory is the movie is mostly what i saw and i dont recall much about what i heard. crap. i need to watch this movie again

the routine has been broken!

i hope. lately (meaning for more than a month), whenever i go online, the very first website i go to is facebook. before facebook, my routine was to check first my four email addresses. this is the first time since i got addicted to facebook that i completely forgot about it and checked my emails first, then blogged. and im playing less of mafia wars too. finally some good stuff. i really need to stay away from mafia wars and facebook, or at least not be addicted to the online game and website. 

Not T, not F, definitely not M or A, i thought it was B but actually it was E all along

You Know Erning...Life is a Blur

Tuesday, December 30, 2008
HIMYM on mistakes 

There are certain things in life where you know it's a mistake but you don't really know it's a mistake because the only way to know that it really is a mistake is to make that mistake and go, "Yup, that was a mistake". So really, the bigger mistake would be to not make the mistake because then you'll go about your whole life not knowing whether it was a mistake or not - Lily Aldrin

Here's the thing about mistakes. Sometimes, even when you know something's a mistake, you gotta make it anyway - Future Ted Mosby

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Breaking Tradition 

kids, sometimes in life, the planets align, everything links up and your timing is perfect...this wasnt one of those times - Ted Mosby

Ako si Estong

Sunday, February 12, 2006

Sunog mga kapatid! Halabira! 

"Hindi dahil sa hindi ako napapaso ay ibig sabihin hindi ako nasusunog. Tao pa din ako, kahit ako tinatablan." - Estong

Ewan ko sa inyo. Bakit ako? Meron naman siguro diyang iba na kaya siya. Ayokong maging "sacrificial lamb", di ako papayag sa "suicide mission" na yan hangga't may ibang paraan. Alam ko kung sino sya, alam ko ang magagawa nya at alam ko din ang magagawa ko. Sa ngayon, tingin ko di pa oras para kumilos. Mahirap sumingit at makialam kahit may plano dahil minsan mas malakas ang hatak ng tadhana at swerte. Kahit gaano ka kahanda, pag di pa oras, walang mangyayari at kung meron man, malamang hindi ayon sa binabalak. Mahirap, maraming bagay na nakataya. Kaya kong makipaglaro sa apoy kasi alam ko kung hanggang saan ko kaya lumapit, alam ko kung kailan ako mapapaso. Ibang bagay ang masunog. Pag nagsimula ka na masunog sa apoy, pwede kang lamunin nito ng buo o paunti-unti. Paunti-unti man o buo, parehong masakit. Mahirap nang bumangon, minsan baka nga hindi ka na makabangon pa. Tama lang matakot sa apoy, pero ibang tanong na ang pagkontrol sa apoy, lalo na yung tipo na nagliliyab.

Sa ngayon, napapaisip ako, hanggang saan nga ba ang kaya ko? Kaya ko na bang kumain ng apoy? Baka ako pa ang kainin nito, mahirap na, minsan nakakalimot ako mag-ingat. Iniisip ko, marunong din bang masaktan ang apoy? Kung nabuhusan ba ito ng tubig, pareho kaya ang sakit na nararamdaman nito kapag ito ay nakakapaso ng iba? Saka, di naman ako tubig, isa din akong apoy, di nga lang kasing init, di lang nagliliyab tulad niya. Hindi ko sinusunog ang nasa paligid ko, at hindi ko din sila pinapaso, kasi hindi ko sila binibigyan ng pagkakataon makalapit. Kahit kaunting init, di nila mararamdaman, dahil may bakod ako na nakapaligid para siguradong tama lang ang layo nila, sapat para di nila malaman ang tinatagong anyo at pagkatao. Hindi naman talaga sikreto pero hindi din para sa kaalaman ng lahat ng tao. Pero kung apoy din ako, di ba ibig sabihin nun ay hindi ako masusunog? Di ko alam, di ko pa nasubukan makipag tagisan ng init sa isa pang apoy. Ang tingin ko, magiging isa ang dalawa, at pag nangyari yun, ang isa ang lalamon sa isa. Isang apoy lang ang maiiwan na nagbabaga, mawawala na ang pagkatao ng isa. Malamang ayoko na ako ang malamon. At ayaw ko din syang mawala. Ewan, mahirap. Kaya siguro mas tingin ko dapat lang magkaroon ng distansya.

Sa ngayon, may naisip akong paraan para makampante ang iba. Kung ano man iyon, sa akin na lang iyon. Malalaman na lang pag kinailangan ng isagawa. Hindi nila kailangan mangamba, pwede nilang kalimutan ang takot sa ngayon. Ako ay magbabantay na lang, siguraduhing wala syang masunog. Hindi ko sya susubukan gawing maamo, di bagay sa kanya. Sa ngayon, tatalasan ko na lang ang aking pakiramdam, bubuksan ang aking mga mata, upang makasigurado na wala syang magawang masama o anumang bagay na makakasira sa kanya.


Tuesday, February 27, 2007

Ewan Ko Ba 

haay, estong ang tanga mo talaga. yan na lang lagi ang sabi nila. bakit? lagi ko na lang kasi pinapalampas ang mga bagay na dapat ay di ko na pinakakawalan. nasa harap ko na daw, ang gagawin ko lang ay abutin, at akin na akin na. pero yun nga ang problema. minsan sobrang gusto mo ang isang bagay, parang nabubulag ka na. kaya minsan nagdududa kung ano ba dapat ang gawin. minsan naman, aabutin mo na nga lang, napapaisip pa, oras na ba? gusto ko ba talaga?

kaya ako nagmumukhang engot. kasi nag-iisip ako. nagdadalawang isip ako, gusto ko makasiguro. kahit alam ko na nasa harap ko na ang matagal ko na hinahanap, nakukuha ko pang itanong kung ito ba talaga ang gusto ko mangyari. ayun na eh, ano pa hinihintay ko? totoo bang ito ang gusto ko? kasi ayoko magsisi pagkatapos. pero pano kung yun na nga yun at pinakawalan ko pa, di ba magsisisi din ako? ewan. takot lang ba ako? may tinatakasan? ewan.

sa tuwing ginagawa ko yun, tuwing pinapalampas ko ang pagkakataon, lagi namang tama ang desisyon. nalalaman ko paglipas ng panahon, na kung kinuha ko noon ang pagkakataon, hindi din magtatagal at malalagay ako sa sitwasyong walang pinagkaiba sa sitwasyon ko ngayon. pero kahit ganun kahit papaano naging masaya ako kung di ko pinalampas. tama, pero naging mas miserable din. tipong mas matinding saya at lungkot ang dulot ng pagkakataong yun. kaya kahit papaano, sa pananaw ko, pantay lang. walang dapat pagsisisihan. ganun nga ba? o sinasabi ko lang yun para wag sumama ang loob ko? di ko alam.

dragonball evolution

as promised, i watched dragonball evolution. and it sucked. it really, really sucked. normally, the hot chicks in the movie would make it bearable but i havent been myself lately. so the hot chicks didnt make the movie worth watching at all. the entire movie was a complete waste of time. but i finished the movie, not because im hoping that it might get better (after seeing the trailer, i knew it will suck really bad), but because i promised myself i was going to see it. the movie wasnt even enjoyable at all. it was stupid. im not even sure which is better, dragonball or pathfinder. i would go for dragonball because of the hot chicks. 

creepy

i always forget that one can go online on yahoo messenger through yahoomail.

i always use the s.a. yahoo id whenever i use YM. and while online as s.a., i check my other yahoo mail accounts. and there is this one yahoo mail account which is always online on YM through yahoomail. and that account is part of my friends list in the s.a. yahoo id. so whenever i check my emails in that account, i get that creepy feeling because im online as s.a. and i see myself going online as another yahoo id user. when it happened the first time i was puzzled who was using my account. then i saw that i was online through yahoomail. 

it just creeped me out to see myself go online while online as another user. its like i thought im having multiple personalities for real. 

i want to fast forward to the end of april

its been 2 months and a week since ive been sick! crap. at least now i just have a cold. the cough started sometime around the first week of february. two weeks later, something went wrong with my digestive system (dont know which organ specifically, could be my stomach, could be my intestines). then my kidney area also started aching. it was a physically painful 2 months. mostly coughing and chest pains. i also had to "read a magazine" more often than i should (lasted for a month! a month!). it was really disrupting my daily activities. 

and things got worse when march started. i was really, really busy. i dont even sleep the usual 8 hours. there are times that im just on autopilot. march is really a blur to me although i know i was doing a lot of stuff during that month.

then i got addicted to the stupid mafia wars game. still addicted though. i need to stop the addiction! 

when april kicked in, i just had a feeling something bad is about to happen. not sure if it already happened though. i still have a feeling something will happen. but this time im not sure if its good or bad. i think its a bit bad but im not as certain as before. it could be my mind is clouded right now so im having a hard time sensing what will happen. for some reason, since sunday, it is as if my sense of foresight suddenly disappeared. its like i went blind for some reason.

now, i have this academic concern i need to attend to but since its the holy week, i will have to go back to school on monday. tomorrow, i will be the designated driver for the visita iglesia and then go montalban after to stay there until sunday.

what im trying to say...nothing really. im just saying that ive been busy, in physical pain for quite some time and im getting my old life back. but like a friend's husband said to me, it wont be the same. 

april's fool

i have a bad feeling about the month of april. if there is one word i feel would describe april 2009, it would be malevolent. i dont know why but i just feel that this month is up to no good. 

WTF!!!

150 unread emails! thats how busy ive been lately. i check my email addresses (at least 3 of them) everyday, but i dont have time to read all of them. so my yahoomail's inbox, the busiest one, reached 150 unread emails. fortunately, my two gmail accounts were easier to handle. 

the reason im making a big fuss out of this is because i hate seeing more than 10 unread emails in my inbox (so seeing the unread emails accumulate over the course of the week just made me more furious each time i check my email and i dont have the time to read them). thats why i have more than one email address. so the unread emails in my email inbox wont pile up. i hate seeing a lot of unread emails! i just hate it! really, really hate it! the same way i dont like seeing other people's inboxes with hundreds even thousands of unread email. i dont know why i hate a lot of unread emails, i just dont like it. so now, im trying to read most of them (because not all of them are worth reading)

Tristan...

is addicted to facebook

is a mafia wars addict

is listening to the Every Second Counts album by Plain White T's and likes what he hears

wants to have a heart attack...seriously

is in Marvin the Paranoid Android mode

needs to study because its the finals period

needs to finish some OLA stuff

just had his last hearing for OLA yesterday

found out that he likes to wear a suit and is thinking when he could wear it again. haha.

would like to watch a movie but unfortunately everyone's busy

might not go to class later because he has lots of stuff to do

just said "yeah right!"

hasnt been blogging lately

hasnt been craving for food lately

is really messed up for quite some time now and quite some time means 2 months

misses his heart of darkness

might be an emo and is just starting to realize it. haha

needs some endorphins

has been suffering from really, really violent mood swings

is paranoid and crazy

is in physical pain for more than a week now

has been sleeping a lot lately

is thinking of what he could do this coming saturday night because he hates lame saturday nights at home

should stop wasting his time and study instead

just doesnt care anymore

wants to hate again...but couldnt

is a masochist for sticking like glue to something that hurts a lot

should really be studying

wants coffee to condition his mind to study

has to leave for school by 12noon to meet someone for law and envi class

has been making nowhere plans since friday and therefore he is the nowhere man

wants to write a decent blog entry for a change

just thought of a good story this morning and is contemplating whether he will finally start writing short stories

should be posting these status messages on facebook and not on blogger

misses his college blockmates and will miss his law school blockmates

cant wait for the next How I Met Your Mother episode

should really stop writing "status messages" because he needs to leave by 12 noon

is going bonkers

has been doing crazy stuff lately...out of boredom?

is really suffering from crazy mood swings because he just went from depressed to happy in a split second for no reason at all

has been avoiding the doctor for weeks now because he doesnt want to know if he is seriously ill or something

could be dying but he sort of heard that before so it doesnt really matter and he doesnt really care

most likely wont die soon because he is an "evil grass". hahahaha

might live a long and painful life which will end in a long and painful death

might live a short life and death would be a sweet escape

should really just study

just realized that he has been taking a break from greatness for five years now

wishes he could easily move on the same way he did with the eheads

still wants a Cupid's Tommy Gun

needs to sort out a lot of stuff because life has been really serious lately

will end this entry with a quote from Nagato that got him thinking: "It is because we love that we sacrifice...and hate."

March Madness

I thought i was going to be busy until March 16. i was wrong. i just found out earlier that i will be busy until the semester ends. WTF!!!! crap. so, a month filled with sleepless nights coming up? could be. what im sure of is that i will need coffee. lots and lots of coffee. so, all work and no play? not really. the play part should be scheduled. actually, its already scheduled. crap. thats no fun at all. this is going to be one insanely stressful month. 

Kayoiau kokoro

Mijika ni arumono
Tsune ni ki wo tsuketeinai to
Amari ni chikasugite
Miushinatteshimaisou

Anata ga saikin taiken shita
Shiawase wa ittai nan desuka...

Tada sore dake no koto ga
Kiseki da to kizuku...

You know the closer you get to something
The tougher it is to see it
And I'll never take it for granted...

Oitsuzuketekita yume...

Hitonigiri no yuuki wo mune ni
Ashita wo ikinuku tame ni
And I'll never take it for granted
Let's go

w...i...e...r...d...weird!

after blogging about the PDA not functioning, i gave it another try, meaning i tried plugging it and see if it will recharge itself. and it did! weird. ive been trying to "fix" it for weeks and after posting an entry (below) that it's inability to function is making my life difficult, it suddenly came back to life. is the universe reading my blog? if it is, why do i have to put my complaints in writing before the universe does something about it?

another weird thing happened yesterday, i changed my phone's ringtone. i got tired of hearing "shake yer head" every time i receive a text message. and lately my text life has been very active (my text life hasn't been this active since the first quarter of 2006). anyway, so i changed it yesterday. and while i was hanging out with some blockmates somewhere in UP, i heard my ringtone in someone else's phone. and that someone was some pretty chick sitting behind me which i remember seeing because when i arrived in that coffee place, she was really someone who will catch most guy's attention. what made it so weird was not only that i recently changed my phone's ringtone and that we have exactly the same ringtone (and i mean exactly the same), but the fact that i make my own ringtones. i dont download them, i make my own ringtones. i edit mp3s and convert them into ringtones for my phone (i even create my own "remix" version of some songs). so i wasnt expecting to hear someone with the same ringtone. but then again, the portion of the song i used for the ringtone is somewhat "common" so i guess it shouldnt be that weird. anyway, it just felt so weird yesterday. 

life has been very weird lately. incredibly weird. 

i need a secretary!

i think my soulmate is someone who will act as my secretary...anyway...

my cousin's PDA is not charging! and its been 2 weeks! maybe even 3. and im having a hard time sticking to plans and doing tasks because i dont know how to create a schedule without the PDA. im so dependent on it. damn it. it has to break down when i need it the most. what makes it worse is that i dont have the time to have it fixed. and the money too. eheads concert is lurking just around the corner. 

i have OLA stuff to do, clients to contact, backlogs to read, a long quiz by next week, digests to write, codals to read to prepare for the final exams, extracurricular stuff, family stuff, decision to make which means i need time to deliberate on it, etc. and all of them are just in my head arranged in no particular order, swirling in the most unorganized way possible. to think one small gadget can have all these laid out so neatly in an easy to follow systematic plan. crap. i hate getting too attached to something. which reminds me of what my professor this sem said, one should never get too attached because of change. since the only thing constant in life is change, if you get too attached to something and change enters the picture, the pain that it brings is just unimaginable. its depressing to see the thing, after getting too attached to it, be lost or be changed forever. it is something worth taking into consideration. but i think the better approach is allow yourself to get attached even to the point its like really giving everything, just dont think it will be forever or it will last long. dont plan too far ahead, dont think too much, just live in the present. but then again, that would be silly since if it ends, it may not hurt as much but it will still cause some sort of disarray. i dont know. i havent been processing thoughts in my head lately. 

Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger

this is what i have to be. i need to be some kind of machine. to have my brain functioning in its optimal level. my brain is there but its not giving me the amount of focus i need right now. 

i need to get my focus back, restore the intense concentration i had last semester. ever since this sem started, sort of lost my groove and ever since last week, i just went haywire. 

i hope coffee has an ingredient that helps a person focus and not just stimulates the brain...

just for this week, in addition to my classes and OLA duty, i have a midterm exam, a class report, a class project, meeting, an important trip to antipolo RTC (not a hearing, need to talk to the PAO), phone calls to make, miscellaneous stuff to do and if i still have free time, do some research for my research paper and write some digests. just for this week. i really need to have all these done before february comes. im still feeling superstitious that february has a unpleasant surprise for me. 

Take it and Hit it Fred! Come on!

Debbie Gibson's Electric Youth Music Video and Robin Sparkle's Let's Go to the Mall Music Video

ersatz existence

the best things in life are free. and they remain to be free. but with the kind of lives we have, with the way we are being conditioned by modern lifestyle and modern thinking, the way modern society is set-up, the kind of norms and values we allow ourselves to conform and get accustomed to, the priorities our leaders have, the best things in life have become hard to find or inconvenient to access. or maybe even difficult to recognize for some of us. we have to go out of our way, or exert some extra effort in order to enjoy the best things in life. so we are somewhat forced to settle for alternatives to the best things in life even if we have to pay for it. or our idea of the best things in life are distorted to further perpetuate the current order of things. happiness now has a price. so does convenience and comfort which can be ridiculously expensive. our idea of having a decent life has become unnecessarily complicated because of the kind of stuff we are conditioned to appreciate in order to enjoy life. 

life should be simple and free, not artifical and costly. but in our modern world, its a struggle for most of us to go for these so called best things in life. our needs remain to be biologically basic but our wants have grown to be complicated and sometimes absurdly twisted.

again, im writing about something thats supposed to be obvious.

Eheads reunion concert part 2

According to philstar.com, its been confirmed that there will be another Eraserheads Reunion Concert set on March 07, 2009, Saturday (click here to read the article). 

Im not as excited as the time i heard that there will be an Eheads reunion concert last august 30. and when i heard that one, i was really doubtful and wanted to hear it from some reliable source. but when it was confirmed, my reaction then was like "holy crap! its really going to happen!"

my reaction now when i read this piece of information was: "wow, really?"

maybe because i cant forget how the first concert ended and i dont want this one to be a repeat of that. i mean, i hope this 2nd reunion concert (or part 2 since its the continuation of the first if you dont want to consider it as a 2nd reunion concert) sticks to being purely about music and people rocking to what i consider as the greatest band of my time. no drama whatsoever.

of course im happy there's a part 2, that they will finish what they started. the fact that they decided to do this is already a very big thing to all eheads fans or maybe even to the local music industry. maybe even beyond the local music industry. i just hope this one ends well and when i say ends well, i just dont mean about the concert but also to the Eheads. 

new mcdonalds commercial

youtube link: click here

what i like about this commercial (aside from its a mcdonalds commercial):

the 80s kids (the outfit of the little girl reminds me of robin sparkles and debbie gibson's electric youth music video), it makes use of an eheads song as its theme song, the theme song is Ang Huling El Bimbo (which is an entirely different matter from simply using an eheads song. the song has some special significance to me), the grown up version of the girl and lastly, the story






tuwing pumupunta ako dito, naalala ko ang lahat.
parang kahapon lang...

parang ang tagal na naming magkakilala...

yung mga gusto ko gusto rin nya...

tapos biglang...

at kahit hindi rin naging kami sa huli...

siya pa rin ang first love ko

movie list for 2009

Here's a bunch of movies im interested to see this year. i will probably watch half of them on the big screen, rent most of the remaining movies i didn't get to see and forget one or two because i have no idea why i was interested to see it in the first place (like Meet Dave from my last year's list of movies for 2008)


1. Astro Boy (October; Freddie Highmore, Kristen Bell, Bill Nighy)
Set in futuristic Metro City, Astro Boy is about a young robot with incredible powers created by a brilliant scientist in the image of the son he has lost. Unable to fulfill the grieving man's expectations, our hero embarks on a journey in search of acceptance, experiencing betrayal and a netherworld of robot gladiators, before he returns to save Metro City and reconcile with the father who had rejected him. 

Why Im Going to Watch it: Cmon, its Astro Boy. I dont know if the movie sucks or not but im still going to watch it anyway...or at least rent it.

2. Angels and Demons (May; Tom Hanks, Ayelet Zurer, Ewan McGregor)
Harvard symbologist Robert Langdon (Tom Hanks) finds himself in Rome, where he has to race against time to prevent the Illuminati, a secret society, from putting in motion a terrorist act that could destroy the Vatican. He's aided in his quest by the beautiful Italian scientist Vittoria Vetri (Ayelet Zurer)

Why Im Going to Watch it: I dont know. i liked The Da Vinci Code, so why not. 

3. Lesbian Vampire Killers (March; MyAnna Buring, Silvia Colloca, Vera Filatova, Ashley Mulheron, Louise Dylan
Their women having been enslaved by the local pack of lesbian vampires thanks to an ancient curse, the remaining menfolk of a rural Welsh town send two hapless young lads out onto the moors as a sacrifice

Why Im Going to Watch it: The title just caught my attention...and the cast. im going to rent this for sure. 

4. Bruno (May 2009; Sacha Baron Cohen )
Flamboyant Austrian fashion reporter Bruno (Cohen) travels the world in search of the latest style trends.

Why Im Going to Watch it: Didnt like Borat as much as people did but it was a nice movie. i expect this movie to be the same. and im going to rent this too because i dont feel like watching this on the big screen.

5. Coraline (Feb 2009; Dakota Fanning, Teri Hatcher, John Hodgman)
A young girl (Fanning) walks through a secret door in her new home and discovers an alternate version of her life. On the surface, this parallel reality is eerily similar to her real life – only much better. But when her adventure turns dangerous, and her counterfeit parents (including Other Mother [Hatcher]) try to keep her forever, Coraline must count on her resourcefulness, determination, and bravery to get back home – and save her family.

Why Im Going to Watch it: Neil Gaiman

6. Prince of Persia: Sands of Time (July; Jake Gyllenhaal, Ben Kingsley, Gemma Arterton, Alfred Molina, )

Why Im Going to Watch it: its based on a video game

7. Ripley's Believe it or Not (Jim Carrey, Gong Li)
 
Why Im Going to Watch it: Gong Li

8. Dragonball: Evolution (April; Justin Chatwin, James Marsters, Yun-Fat Chow)
Upon discovering he was sent to Earth to carrying out a sinister plan, a humanoid alien named Goku (Chatwin) looks to fulfill his dying grandfather's wish: Prevent the evil Piccolo (Marsters) and his alien forces from collecting seven mystical artifacts which would allow him to take over our planet. In order to fend off the attackers, Goku must find Master Roshi (Chow), who is the one person who can set him on the right path.

Why Im Going to Watch it: Saw the trailer and it sucked!!! really sucked. but im going to watch it anyway on video. or maybe on the bigscreen if im feeling masochistic enough.

9. Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun Li (Feb 2009; Kristin Kreuk, Neal McDonough, Michael Clarke Duncan )
Interpol agent Chun-Li (Kreuk) enters an underground fighting tournament, with her eyes set on M. Bison (McDonough), the contest's founder and leader of a crime syndicate who may have been responsible for the death of Chun-Li's father.

Why Im Going to Watch it: Aside from its a Street Fighter movie, because of Kristin Kreuk

10. Fast & Furious (April; Vin Diesel, Paul Walker, Michelle Rodriguez; Jordana Brewster)
The feud between ex-con Dominic Toretto (Diesel) and agent Brian O'Connor (Walker) is reignited back in Los Angeles, where a crime has pitted the two men against one another yet again. However, when they realize they have a common enemy, they put their past behind them and unite to stick it to their foe.

Why Im Going to Watch it: Aside from the fast cars...Jordana Brewster.

11. Terminator Salvation: The Future Begins (May; Christian Bale, Sam Worthington, Anton Yelchin)
John Connor (Bale) is joined in his attempt to defeat Skynet and its army of Terminators by Marcus Wright (Worthington), a man who apparently has been rescued from the past, though Connor wonders if instead he's been sent from the future as a foil to his plan. As Connor and Wright push deep into the heart of Skynet, they get closer and closer to learning the secret behind the organization's mission to wipe humankind off the planet.

Why Im Going to Watch it: Its a Terminator movie (even if T2 is the only movie i really liked)

12. Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (June; Shia LaBeouf, Megan Fox, Josh Duhamel)
Decepticon forces return to Earth on a mission to take Sam Witwicky prisoner, after the young hero learns the truth about the ancient origins of the Transformers. Joining the mission to protect humankind is Optimus Prime, who forms an alliance with international armies for a second epic battle.

Why Im Going to Watch it: Do i even have to say why? its not only because of Megan Fox. definitely going to see this on the big screen no matter what!

13. G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra (August; Brendan Fraser, Channing Tatum, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Sienna Miller)
An elite military unit comprised of special operatives known as G.I. Joe, operating out of The Pit, takes on an evil organization led by a notorious arms dealer

Why Im Going to Watch it: Dont know if this movie will be nearly as good as the Transformers movie but i dont think it will suck as bad as Dragonball so i think this is worth watching on the big screen.

14. Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince (July; Daniel Radcliffe, Emma Watson, Rupert Grint)
In his sixth year at Hogwarts, Harry Potter discovers even more about the evil Lord Voldemort's past, thanks to his mentor Dumbledore and mysterious textbook marked "This book is the property of the Half-Blood Prince." By the end of the year, nothing will ever be the same.

Why Im Going to Watch it: its a Harry Potter movie

15. The Horsemen (March; Dennis Quaid, Ziyi Zhang)
A recently widowed detective still grieving over his wife's death discovers a shocking connection between himself and the suspects in a serial killing spree linked to the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse.

Why Im Going to Watch it: Ziyi Zhang

16. Underworld: Rise of the Lycans (jan 2009; Rhona Mitra, Michael Sheen, Bill Nighy)
A look at how the werewolf named Lucian (Sheen) led an uprising against an aristocratic vampire sect -- a revolt that will mark the beginning of a centuries-old war between the two races.

Why Im Going to Watch it: Just curious. maybe Rhona Mitra is ok, but i think this movie isnt the same without Kate Beckinsale.

17. The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus (Heath Ledger, Christopher Plummer, Tom Waits, Lily Cole, Andrew Garfield, Verne Troyer)

Why Im Going to Watch it: interesting plot

18. X-Men Origins: Wolverine (May; Hugh Jackman, Liev Schreiber, Ryan Reynolds)
An origins story that follows the early life of James Howlett (Jackman), also known as Logan, and best known as Wolverine. The chronicle of his younger years as a mutant connects to his relationship and eventual falling out with Victor Creed/Sabretooth (Schreiber), and his fateful entry into the Weapons X project, the governmental program that turns willing and unwilling beings into living weapons.

Why Im Going to Watch it: its a marvel comics film. and its wolverine

19. The Uninvited (Jan 2009; Emily Browning, Arielle Kebbel, Elizabeth Banks)
After her mother's death and her subsequent hospital stay, Anna Rydell (Browning) returns home to be with her sister (Krebbel) and her father (Strathairn), who has become engaged to Rachel (Banks), her mother's former nurse. During her first night back, Anna is visited by her mother's ghost, who reveals that the new woman in her father's life is not who she pretends to be, leading to a fateful confrontation between the women of the house.

Why Im Going to Watch it: just curious. 

20. He's Just Not That Into You (Feb 2009; Ginnifer Goodwin, Jennifer Aniston, Jennifer Connelly, Scarlett Johansson, Drew Barrymore)
The Baltimore-set movie of interconnecting story arcs deals with the challenges of reading or misreading human behavior

Why Im Going to Watch it: the cast. 

21. Fanboys (Feb 2009; Dan Fogler, Jay Baruchel, Kristen Bell, Sam Huntington, Chris Marquette)
Four guys and their galpal plan a cross-country trip in order to steal a print of Star Wars: Episode I -- The Phantom Menace from Skywalker Ranch so their dying friend can see it before its world premiere.

Why Im Going to Watch it: its geeky

22. The International (Feb 2009; Clive Owen, Naomi Watts, Armin Mueller-Stahl)
Interpol Agent Louis Salinger (Clive Owen) and Manhattan Assistant District Attorney Eleanor Whitman (Naomi Watts) pool their resources in an attempt to break up an international arms dealing ring financed by a high-profile bank.

Why Im Going to Watch it: aside from Naomi Watts...the plot isnt that bad.

23. Youth in Revolt (2009; Michael Cera, Portia Doubleday, Ray Liotta)
Like most teens, young Nick Twisp (Cera) is ruled by his libido. And from the recesses of a trailer park in Northern California, Twisp concocts a plan -- make that multiple schemes -- to lose his virginity to a local girl, the precocious Sheeni Saunders (Doubleday).

Why Im Going to Watch it: it looks like another one of them idiotic comedies.

24. Watchmen (March 2009; Jackie Earle Haley, Patrick Wilson, Carla Gugino)
Set in an alternate vision of the year 1985, the murder of an ex-superhero causes a vigilante named Rorshach (Haley) to look into the matter, an investigation that reunites him with his surviving old colleagues -- all of them former superheroes themselves -- and gradually unveils a conspiracy with links to their shared past and catastrophic consequences for the future.

Why Im Going to Watch it: carla gugino...and its a superhero movie

25. Sunshine Cleaning (Mar 2009; Amy Adams, Emily Blunt, Alan Arkin)
Industrious single mother Rose Lorkowski (Adams) starts an unusual business in order to send her son to a private school; alongside her unreliable sister (Blunt), the two women enter the world of biohazard removal and crime scene clean-ups.

Why Im Going to Watch it: emily blunt and the plot's interesting too

26. I Love You, Man (Mar 2009; Paul Rudd, Jason Segel, Rashida Jones)
Friendless Peter Klaven (Rudd) goes on a series of man-dates to find a Best Man for his wedding. But when his insta-bond his new B.F.F.(Segel) puts a strain on his relationship with his fiancée (Jones) can the trio learn to live happily ever after?

Why Im Going to Watch it: after seeing Forgetting Sarah Marshall (and being addicted to HIMYM), im going to see this movie just because Jason Segel's in it. like when i watched movies just because Will Ferrell was in it. 

27. Monsters v Aliens (Mar 2009; Seth Rogen, Reese Witherspoon, Paul Rudd)
When a meteorite from outer space hits a young California girl named Susan Murphy and turns her into a giant monster, she is taken to a secret government compound where she meets a ragtag group of monsters also rounded up over the years. As a last resort, under the guidance of General W.R. Monger, on a desperate order from The President, the motley crew of Monsters is called into action to combat the aliens and save the world from imminent destruction! 

Why Im Going to Watch it: i need to see an animated movie from time to time. and Reese Witherspoon's voice is in it.

28. The Ugly Truth (April 2009; Katherine Heigl, Gerard Butler)
A macho morning TV show correspondent (Butler) makes a bet with his love-challenged producer (Heigl): If his tips on how to land and keep a guy don't work, he'll quit the business. But while he coaches her through a fledgling romance, can he avoid falling for her, and vice versa?

Why Im Going to Watch it: just curious. 

29. The Year One (June; Jack Black, Michael Cera, Olivia Wilde)
 When a couple of lazy hunter-gatherers (Black and Cera) are banished from their primitive village, they set off on an epic journey through the ancient world

Why Im Going to Watch it: Jack Black and Olivia Wilde

30. Public Enemies (July; Christian Bale, Johnny Depp, Emilie de Ravin)
FBI agent Melvin Purvis (Bale) sets his sights on American gangster John Dillinger (Depp) and others in an attempt to curb a rampant Chicago crime spree during the 1930s.

Why Im Going to Watch it: Gangster movie

31. Funny People (July; Adam Sandler, Seth Rogen, Leslie Mann)
When seasoned comedian George Simmons (Sandler) learns of his terminal, inoperable health condition, his desire to form a genuine friendship inspires him to take a relatively green performer (Rogen) under his wing as his opening act.

Why Im Going to Watch it: Adam Sandler movie. 

death is a once in a lifetime experience

why are some people so afraid of death? i honestly dont get it. sure there's the fear of the unknown but there are just some people who are really afraid of death. they will cling on to life no matter what, even if that is the last thing they do. 

i understand that life is supposed to be this great thing that most people would find hard to let go but that doesnt mean death is the opposite (like the worst thing that could happen to a person). the way i see it, the worst that could happen is one would cease to exist. actually that's death in its simplest sense. no afterlife whatsoever, just the termination of all bodily functions. what's so wrong with that? its not that things would matter after i cease to exist. im dead. i wont be able to feel or think or worry about anything. no pain, no sorrow. its finally resting in peace. isnt that good? 

even if things are going my way or if i really have a great life, i dont think i will cling to life like other people do. i will try to live (since its hard give up a great life) but if clinging to life would make me miserable (or useless or make life meaningless), then i will stop trying to survive and welcome death instead. whats the purpose of life if rejecting death will force a person to live a life of fear? well, if thats what works for them, so be it. but taunting death is much better. of course taunting death without putting one's life to waste and/or ruin. i believe death is never unreasonable. 

the dog of Pavlov

what could i say about 2008? well, i would say its a good year. not happy, but good. i became really serious and focused when it comes to academic stuff. actually, thats what the year is mostly about, my school life. i placed everything else on hold. or for those stuff i cant put on hold, i let go, unfortunately. 

i was able to complete one full year of "committing" to the single life. sure ive been single my entire life but when i meant committing to the single life, i really mean "single and not looking and will never be interested to look" kind of single (its like switching into a stone cold prick living on an island shouting "leave me alone" whenever a creature that looks like a relationship pops up). no silly text mates, no "fraudulent machinations", no mixed signals schemes, no intimate non-sexual interaction, and no voluntarily entertaining any thought that would go against the single life im committing to (because i dont have full control of my subconscious. dreams of me having a non-single future is becoming more frequent). if i could only make this a subject of a wager, this would be much easier. well, not really. im not a good gambler. 

i also spent the year thinking about what i will do in the next few years. no concrete plan yet but a few plans are taking shape. more than a year ago, my life had no direction (or so it seems). im a leaf being blown by the wind. not really. i was aimless but not necessarily carefree.

what else happened this year? well, a college blockmate got married (and eventually got pregnant), had an impacted tooth removed, some of my college blockmates took the Philippine Bar exams, had my kinky story read on air by the "swiss miss" on the BrewRATs radio show (the night before a midterm exam), attended my first court hearing (not as a lawyer but as a law student), my cousin gave me her iPaq (very thankful for it but i realized that i became too dependent on it that when it malfunctioned, my life was "derailed" a bit), had back to back semesters with 20 units each, became an OLA Teamleader (which means that i cant be a lazy ass), the eraserheads had their reunion concert (goosebumps all over when i heard the first few lines of the first song sung), realized that i love ateneo after all, i adore audrey hepburn, my cousin and her family went to the US (and will stay there until my niece finishes high school. i think), learned that i will not graduate on march 2009, august remains to be a pain in the neck, had an interesting birthday, turned 25, my father retired, i became more cruel, arrogant, harsh, demanding and temperamental (side effect of being in serious mode, i feel like im in a position to lecture others on how they should live their life), got hooked on HIMYM (which made me realize im not part of a "sitcom" at the moment), and lastly, had a wonderful december because i think it was the month of the year where i was able to socialize the most (because i spent the other 11 months saying no to any form of social gathering or finding an excuse not to attend). 

i gained a lot of stuff this year. not what i wanted but its a gain nonetheless. its focusing on what i think i need and ignoring what i truly want (well, thats what ive been doing all these years but this year, i took it two levels higher). thats why 2008 is a good year but not really a happy one.

i think this year is also about proving to myself what im capable of. of course, im not satisfied. i saw that though i was able to improve myself emotionally and mentally, i completely neglected the physical aspect of myself which became a problematic limitation.

as for next year, im thinking of going for "i dont want to survive, i want to live" theme. i still have two days to think it over. i want to make sure that the "training" i underwent this year will not go to waste if i decide to "let go and simply live". ive never been a fan of life since 1997. 

Sabrina sizzles to steal a holiday

I like to think of life as a limousine. Though we are all riding together we must remember our places. There is a front seat and a back seat and a window in between. - Thomas Fairchild

Democracy can be a wickedly unfair thing...Nobody poor was ever called democratic for marrying somebody rich. - Thomas Fairchild

Actually, depravity can be terribly boring if you don't smoke or drink. - Gabrielle Simpson

Watch for normal human reactions! - Simon Dermott

If I were dead and buried, and I heard your voice,
Beneath the sod my heart of dust would still rejoice. - Princess Ann

checklist

before i start another list for my new year's resolution for 2009, im going to check first if i was able to accomplish the stuff in my new year's resolution this year. 

Stuff i was able to do: 
Read some fine books 
Show some emotion. positive emotion.  
Surprise yourself  
Face one's fears 
Cherish sweet memories 
Be nice to doctors 
Study harder 
have a sense of discipline. 
focus.  
be friendly or be nice 

Stuff i wasnt able to do: 
Have a year filled with magic, dreams and good madness.  
Make some art. Draw, build or sing. 
Love is rare, grab it and love truly 
Exercise 

Stuff im not quite sure if i was able to do or not: 
Write 
Live as only you can. 
Be thankful 
Never regret anything...that made you smile 

so the score is...10-4-4. not bad. not that good. but not bad. so i will just carry over the last 8 stuff and try to accomplish it this year. 

as for the movies i wanted to watch this year: 

i was able to watch 12 movies (out of the 26 from the list): 
The Incredible Hulk 
Iron Man 
Meet the Spartans 
The Dark Knight 
Jumper 
Semi-pro 
Forgetting Sarah Marshall 
Wall-E 
Speedracer. 
Hellboy II: The Golden Army 
Hancock 
Teeth  

i didnt get to watch 14 movies: 
You Don't Mess with the Zohan (going to rent it) 
The Love Guru (going to rent it) 
Penelope (going to rent it if available) 
Be Kind Rewind (going to rent it if available) 
Horton Hears a Who! (going to rent it) 
Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street 
Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince (going to watch it next year) 
Mamma Mia (going to rent it) 
Step Brothers (going to rent it if available) 
Starship Dave (cant believe this is in my list...wonder why) 
Baby Mama (going to rent it if available) 
Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (going to rent it) 
The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor (going to rent it) 
My Blueberry Nights (going to rent it if available)

december 24

its the twenty goddamn fourth of december! im tired. very, very tired. my feet hurts from all the walking inside the mall. im very sleepy because im really out of shape. i have no more money in my pocket. well, not totally empty but the amount is depressingly low. and i dont have an ounce of christmas spirit. the good thing about not feeling the christmas spirit is i wont feel bad no matter what happens on christmas day because for me, its just like any ordinary day. 

Professor Henry Higgins

   I'm an ordinary man, who desires nothing more than an ordinary chance, to live exactly as he likes, and do precisely what he wants. An average man am I, of no eccentric whim, who likes to live his life, free of strife, doing whatever he thinks is best, for him. Well, just an ordinary man. But let a woman in your life and your serenity is through, she'll redecorate your home, from the cellar to the dome, and then go on to the enthralling fun of overhauling you. Let a woman in your life, and you're up against a wall, make a plan and you will find, that she has something else in mind, and so rather than do either you do something else that neither likes at all. You want to talk of Keats and Milton, she only wants to talk of love. You go to see a play or ballet, and spend it searching for her glove. Let a woman in your life and you invite eternal strife. Let them buy their wedding bands for those anxious little hands. I'd be equally as willing for a dentist to be drilling than to ever let a woman in my life. 

 

   I'm a very gentle man, even tempered and good natured who you never hear complain, who has the milk of human kindness by the quart in every vein. A patient man am I, down to my fingertips, the sort who never could, ever would, let an insulting remark escape his lips. Very gentle man. But let a woman in your life, and patience hasn't got a chance, she will beg you for advice, your reply will be concise, and she will listen very nicely, and then go out and do exactly what she wants!!!  

  You are a man of grace and polish, who never spoke above a hush, all at once you're using language that would make a sailor blush, Let a woman in your life, and you're plunging in a knife. Let the others of my sex, tie the knot around their necks, I prefer a new edition of the Spanish Inquisition than to ever let a woman in my life.

   I'm a quiet living man, who prefers to spend the evening in the silence of his room, who likes an atmosphere as restful as an undiscovered tomb. A pensive man am I, of philosophical joys, who likes to meditate, contemplate, far for humanities mad inhuman noise. Quiet living man. But let a woman in your life, and your sabbatical is through, in a line that never ends comes an army of her friends, come to jabber and to chatter and to tell her what the matter is with YOU! She'll have a booming boisterous family, who will descend on you en mass, she'll have a large wagnarian mother, with a voice that shatters glass. Let a woman in your life. Let a woman in your life. Let a woman in your life. I shall never let a woman in my life.

i need to...

• buy a new chair because the one i have now is under the process of breaking down and its only a matter of time before it becomes completely unusable
• buy a new mp3 player because my mp3 player is defective and i would like to use my cellphone more as a phone than an mp3 player
• have my cousin's PDA fixed because its making my life difficult without it and i dont even know why it suddenly broke down
• drop by the QC Prosecutor's Office and look for a certain person to talk about something law related
• call the NLRC to ask for an update regarding one of my case's
• contact a couple of clients to update them on what's up with their cases
• do some more research on my paper
• finish my RRAF
• save some money to pay for some debts i got myself in due to boredom and stupidity
• do some window shopping even if crowded malls annoy me
• buy a ziplock plastic bag
• study, study, study even if it means being more serious and becoming less fun
• restore the focus i had last semester because compared to last semester, im taking it easy so i need to get my groove back
• make back-ups for the recent stuff stored in the PC and laptop
• read non-law books and the opinion section of the newspaper because my level of writing sucks

•