i admit that i contradict people just for the sake of contradicting them. its my idea of having fun sometimes. but sometimes, i play the devil's advocate and contradict people so they can polish their ideas or the logic of their statements or arguments. unfortunately, some people get offended when i do this. they think im just picking on them or harassing them or that i just refuse to listen thats why im muddling up the discussion.
when i contradict people so as to improve their arguments or statements, im not saying i know better. i may be completely clueless with the particular topic. the reason im contradicting them is because im not convinced. as simple as that. im not even saying that they are wrong or the arguments are flawed and should be discarded. im implying that the statements or arguments need improvement or need to be substantiated either by hard facts or good evidence. the more scientific the better. unless its not grounded on science, then pure logic thats hard to refute will suffice. that's simply what i mean when i contradict people. and again, some get offended because im implying that what they are saying is insufficient. well, what can i do, thats what appears to me. and if they happen to improve the statements or arguments, and contradict me, who benefits? besides, im the type who believes people shoul learn through experience. so even if i know a better argument, i will not disclose it. i will encourage the person to figure it out on his or her own. the most i can do is lead him or her to the right direction that would lead him or her to what i think is a better argument or statement. unfortunately, people easily get offended so i dont get the opportunity to point them to the right direction.
Monday, September 01, 2008
Sunday, August 31, 2008
20 questions email...again!
this is the third time i received the email. first was back in february 2004. next was august of 2006. and now august of 2008. two year intervals. hmmm.
when i saw the email in my inbox, i said, "not again!". it made me paranoid because in the first two instances i received the email, something enters my life that just changes things. it is of such siginificant change that i would say its a chapter of its own (if i divided my life into chapters).
it might be just a coincidence that after receiving the email, i undergo some form of phase. or maybe the email just makes me aware of the changes that are happening. it doesnt necessarily induce it. and the changes usually involve emotions and relationships. maybe im just paranoid. i have no way of confirming this anytime soon. but it will happen within six months. so maybe it is just paranoia. wait. now that i metioned months, i just realized, the most crucial month of the change occurs on the sixth month. i mean, the definitive month while i am undergoing the phase is the sixth month. its not the month where the phase ends but its the most notable month. when i received the email on february 2004, something fucked up happened to me on august 2004. when i received the email on august 2006, something fucked up happened to me on february 2007. so should i watch out for february 2009? crap. paranoia galore.
when i saw the email in my inbox, i said, "not again!". it made me paranoid because in the first two instances i received the email, something enters my life that just changes things. it is of such siginificant change that i would say its a chapter of its own (if i divided my life into chapters).
it might be just a coincidence that after receiving the email, i undergo some form of phase. or maybe the email just makes me aware of the changes that are happening. it doesnt necessarily induce it. and the changes usually involve emotions and relationships. maybe im just paranoid. i have no way of confirming this anytime soon. but it will happen within six months. so maybe it is just paranoia. wait. now that i metioned months, i just realized, the most crucial month of the change occurs on the sixth month. i mean, the definitive month while i am undergoing the phase is the sixth month. its not the month where the phase ends but its the most notable month. when i received the email on february 2004, something fucked up happened to me on august 2004. when i received the email on august 2006, something fucked up happened to me on february 2007. so should i watch out for february 2009? crap. paranoia galore.
was the eraserheads reunion concert worth it?
the eheads reunion concert was cut short because ely buendia was rushed to the hospital for health reasons (obviously. why rush to the hospital if not for health reasons or health related concerns?). they performed for about one hour and a half and sang15 songs.
so was it worth it? it depends.
for those cheap bastards like me who just stayed outside or cant afford to buy a ticket, its worth it if we went there just to hear Ely Buendia sing as an eraserhead, sing an ehead song and perform with his ehead bandmates, Raimund, Marcus and Buddy. just to hear the great eraserheads perform makes the reunion concert worth going to, even without seeing them (but of course, i wished i had the extra money to buy the ticket. i had enough money for the ticket, but its not extra money i could spend to buy one)
to those who stayed outside just to listen and find out who the hell are the eraserheads because they were too young to appreciate the eraserheads when they were still together, it depends if they were able to appreciate the eheads by listening to them live without seeing them. i doubt they were able to appreciate the band or even see the greatness of the band. most of them were just loitering there and making fun of each other and other people. its like, they just go to any concert just to hang out. it sort of ruins the atmosphere for those people who actually sing along with the band and even dance a little. im not one of those people. i was observing people while the eheads were performing. usually, its the crowd with the same age group as the eheads who have facial expressions of excitement and delight to hear the eraserheads perform again, who sing along with ely or dance to the beat of the songs. the younger crowd on the other hand were mostly just loiterers. when i say younger crowd, i mean those who look like they're currently highschool students (and dressed like emos). i guess thats the price of staying outside.
for those who bought tickets, regardless of the price, it depends again. if they were satisfied to simply see the eheads together again, its very much worth it. especially if its true that its the first, last and only eheads reunion concert. of course, there are those who doubt it. some say there might be another reunion concert, maybe even another eheads album. for me, its like asking too much given the relationship between the band members.
but i think some of those who bought tickets were a bit pissed or not satisfied because the concert was cut short. i overheard someone say that he is the one that should be hospitalized because of the unfortunate outcome of the concert. most of the people who were leaving the concert area was saying it was "bitin", including my sister (who by the way didnt buy a ticket). some would say it was a waste of money because halfway through the concert, there were still people lining up outside. by the time all of them got inside, it was already the 20 minute break. and after the 20 minute break, Ely didnt come back on stage anymore because he was rushed to the hospital. so there were people who bought tickets who werent able to see the eheads perform or if they were able to see them, probably saw them perform one or two songs. for P800, thats a waste of money for some people (unless of course, he or she is the kind of fan who is happy just to see the eheads perform together, especially if its true that its the last time they will perform together, then P800 might be worth it).
i guess there will be people who will hate Ely Buendia more because he is the reason why the Eheads Reunion Concert was cut short (like my siblings who are joking that Ely just wanted to leave). im not one of them. sure, ive grown to dislike Mr. Buendia because of the rumors that he is the cause of the break-up of the original eheads (he denies it of course but it appears to be "public knowledge" that Ely is the ehead member that is the least cooperative and appears to be the obstacle to the idea of a reunited eraserheads, thats what appears to me anyway so im not saying this is a conclusive presumption, its a disputable presumption). but credit has to be given to Ely Buendia for allowing the reunion to happen (this is assuming of course that he is indeed the one who doesnt approve that the eheads be reunited). aside from his health condition, his mother died recently. its really very difficult for him to let the concert push through under such circumstances. im not saying that im satisfied with the 15 song, 1 hour and 30 minute concert. im hoping there could be more of course. but since i didnt pay or buy a ticket, im not in a position to complain. and seeing or hearing them perform again is already an unforgettable experience. its just natural for fans to ask for more. what im saying is Ely Buendia should not be blamed for the unfortunate outcome of the reunion concert. maybe this wont happen. maybe the people who were ranting while walking out of the concert area were just stunned of the unfortunate outcome of the concert. well, these are just some people. no one can please everybody.
so was it worth it? for me just going there was worth it. but since i didnt buy a ticket, and listened to the performance for free, just going there to stand for an hour and half to hear them perform is very much worth it. but if i had a ticket, it depends. if i were able to see the entire concert or a substantial portion of it, its worth it. but if i were one of those who bought the ticket and didnt get to see them perform or saw them perform two to three songs, i would have a hard time deciding if i got my money's worth. its still possible to say its worth it but knowing that people has the same experience for free will make me think whether i should have bought a ticket. but then again, its me, and i have the tendency to have high expectations (or get the value of what i paid for)
so was it worth it? it depends.
for those cheap bastards like me who just stayed outside or cant afford to buy a ticket, its worth it if we went there just to hear Ely Buendia sing as an eraserhead, sing an ehead song and perform with his ehead bandmates, Raimund, Marcus and Buddy. just to hear the great eraserheads perform makes the reunion concert worth going to, even without seeing them (but of course, i wished i had the extra money to buy the ticket. i had enough money for the ticket, but its not extra money i could spend to buy one)
to those who stayed outside just to listen and find out who the hell are the eraserheads because they were too young to appreciate the eraserheads when they were still together, it depends if they were able to appreciate the eheads by listening to them live without seeing them. i doubt they were able to appreciate the band or even see the greatness of the band. most of them were just loitering there and making fun of each other and other people. its like, they just go to any concert just to hang out. it sort of ruins the atmosphere for those people who actually sing along with the band and even dance a little. im not one of those people. i was observing people while the eheads were performing. usually, its the crowd with the same age group as the eheads who have facial expressions of excitement and delight to hear the eraserheads perform again, who sing along with ely or dance to the beat of the songs. the younger crowd on the other hand were mostly just loiterers. when i say younger crowd, i mean those who look like they're currently highschool students (and dressed like emos). i guess thats the price of staying outside.
for those who bought tickets, regardless of the price, it depends again. if they were satisfied to simply see the eheads together again, its very much worth it. especially if its true that its the first, last and only eheads reunion concert. of course, there are those who doubt it. some say there might be another reunion concert, maybe even another eheads album. for me, its like asking too much given the relationship between the band members.
but i think some of those who bought tickets were a bit pissed or not satisfied because the concert was cut short. i overheard someone say that he is the one that should be hospitalized because of the unfortunate outcome of the concert. most of the people who were leaving the concert area was saying it was "bitin", including my sister (who by the way didnt buy a ticket). some would say it was a waste of money because halfway through the concert, there were still people lining up outside. by the time all of them got inside, it was already the 20 minute break. and after the 20 minute break, Ely didnt come back on stage anymore because he was rushed to the hospital. so there were people who bought tickets who werent able to see the eheads perform or if they were able to see them, probably saw them perform one or two songs. for P800, thats a waste of money for some people (unless of course, he or she is the kind of fan who is happy just to see the eheads perform together, especially if its true that its the last time they will perform together, then P800 might be worth it).
i guess there will be people who will hate Ely Buendia more because he is the reason why the Eheads Reunion Concert was cut short (like my siblings who are joking that Ely just wanted to leave). im not one of them. sure, ive grown to dislike Mr. Buendia because of the rumors that he is the cause of the break-up of the original eheads (he denies it of course but it appears to be "public knowledge" that Ely is the ehead member that is the least cooperative and appears to be the obstacle to the idea of a reunited eraserheads, thats what appears to me anyway so im not saying this is a conclusive presumption, its a disputable presumption). but credit has to be given to Ely Buendia for allowing the reunion to happen (this is assuming of course that he is indeed the one who doesnt approve that the eheads be reunited). aside from his health condition, his mother died recently. its really very difficult for him to let the concert push through under such circumstances. im not saying that im satisfied with the 15 song, 1 hour and 30 minute concert. im hoping there could be more of course. but since i didnt pay or buy a ticket, im not in a position to complain. and seeing or hearing them perform again is already an unforgettable experience. its just natural for fans to ask for more. what im saying is Ely Buendia should not be blamed for the unfortunate outcome of the reunion concert. maybe this wont happen. maybe the people who were ranting while walking out of the concert area were just stunned of the unfortunate outcome of the concert. well, these are just some people. no one can please everybody.
so was it worth it? for me just going there was worth it. but since i didnt buy a ticket, and listened to the performance for free, just going there to stand for an hour and half to hear them perform is very much worth it. but if i had a ticket, it depends. if i were able to see the entire concert or a substantial portion of it, its worth it. but if i were one of those who bought the ticket and didnt get to see them perform or saw them perform two to three songs, i would have a hard time deciding if i got my money's worth. its still possible to say its worth it but knowing that people has the same experience for free will make me think whether i should have bought a ticket. but then again, its me, and i have the tendency to have high expectations (or get the value of what i paid for)
Eheads reunion song list
1. alapaap
2. ligaya
3. sembreak
4. hey jay
5. harana
6. fruitcake
7. toyang
8. kama supra
9. kailan
10. huwag kang matakot
11. kaliwete
12. with a smile
13. shake yer head
14. huwag mo nang itanong
15. lightyears
too bad the reunion concert was cut short. i was hoping they would sing Overdrive, Poor Man's Grave, Huling El Bimbo, Maling Akala, Tindahan ni Aling Nena, Shirley, Run Barbi Run and Magasin.
2. ligaya
3. sembreak
4. hey jay
5. harana
6. fruitcake
7. toyang
8. kama supra
9. kailan
10. huwag kang matakot
11. kaliwete
12. with a smile
13. shake yer head
14. huwag mo nang itanong
15. lightyears
too bad the reunion concert was cut short. i was hoping they would sing Overdrive, Poor Man's Grave, Huling El Bimbo, Maling Akala, Tindahan ni Aling Nena, Shirley, Run Barbi Run and Magasin.
how i ended up going to the eraserheads reunion concert
the eraserheads reunion concert pushed through on august 30, 8pm. but i didnt expect i would go there. why? because first, i didnt have a ticket. second, i didnt really have the time to go see the concert. or so i thought.
saturday morning of august 30, i knew its the long awaited day of august for many eheads fans. at this point, i wasnt even planning of going. although ive blogged a few days earlier that i wanted to go and see the eheads perform together, i also mentioned in that blog entry that i cant go due to the fact i have lots of stuff to do. the OLA class component for saturday afternoon may have been cancelled but my ADR class somehow nullified the class cancellation because of the assigned work that's due after one week. and assigned work that is due after a week really means that it will take a week to finish. so it meant that saturday night is the only time for me to rest. and going to a concert, although enjoyable, isnt really relaxing. so as of saturday morning, i had no plans of going to the eheads reunion concert.
during lunchtime, i texted two of my friends who were celebrating their birthdays. one of them was diana, who replied that i should go see the eheads reunion concert. i replied that i cant, i have lots of stuff to do.
for some reason, after diana's suggestion of "making time" to see the eheads reunion, i entertained the idea of going. so during IPL class (1pm), i asked jump if he has a ticket to the eheads concert. he said he doesnt have one but its possible to just stay outside the concert grounds. that didnt even cross my mind. so he started texting people who could possibly go with us. unfortunately, we're no longer college students who can just drop whatever we are doing to go some place else on such short notice. almost everyone was unavailable to go to the concert. so we decided to cancel our plan to go to the concert around 430 or 5pm.
unfortunately (or fortunately) for me, i told my siblings i was planning to go to the eheads concert even without a ticket. they thought the idea was stupid at first since whats the point of going there without seeing the eheads perform. although i could afford the ticket, i really dont want to spend money for it since i have lots of expenses for this semester (mostly because of OLA). i dont want to run out of funds. so as much as possible i dont want to buy a ticket. had i known the ticket price a week or two weeks before, i could have saved some money or allotted some of my allowance to buy the P1300 ticket (because i dont want the P800 ticket). thats impossible since the ticket price was announced within the week of the reunion concert. anyway, my siblings really wanted to go and they were willing to buy tickets too (so in effect, they just want a driver because i said im not going to buy a ticket or maybe they know i have enough money to buy a ticket and will force me to buy one once were there). so even if i said im no longer going, they tried to convince me to go to the concert by playing eheads songs and by talking about the eheads while telling me from time to time to go to the concert with them. my brother was always checking the music channels whether they were playing music videos of the eheads. and we were able to see a video of "alapaap" in MTV. and then i told them i dont know how to go to Bonifacio Global City. i need a navigator if im going to drive there. my brother has two words for me, "google earth". i said no but eventually, i decided to check anyway. since i reformatted my hard disk last May or June, google earth was no longer installed in our PC, so i used wikimapia. and when i saw that it wasnt that difficult to go to the concert area, i finally said we will go but in case we get lost (because im just relying on wikimapia and ive never driven there), we will head back home and just rent a DVD and eat fast food. they said ok. so off we went to the concert area. it was already 6pm.
we got there around 7pm. we didnt get lost. i guess i still have good navigation skills. and i make use of the Dirk Gently style of navigation. its simply following the car in front of you which appears to know where it is going. i followed a jeepney when i no longer have road signs to follow. when i saw what appeared to be concert lights, i just took the roads which will lead me to it. and then i followed a car which looked like it was going to park somewhere. luckily, it was indeed going to park somewhere and i ended up lining up for a car park. its not very near the concert grounds but its "reasonably near". and it was 7pm already. most likely its hard to park anywhere nearer. anyway, luckily again, when we got the parking ticket, the parking attendant started informing the guard to stop accepting cars since the parking lot is already full. whew! seems like luck is with me again. they accepted three more cars after us. we were able to park the "mystery machine" by 730pm. 30 minutes before showtime.
we then checked the ticket booth. the tickets are now priced at P844 and P1300 plus. there are still a lot of people buying tickets. i told my siblings we should wait and see whether its good to buy a ticket. it was almost 8pm. if we were going to buy a ticket, it might not be practical since first, there's a very long line which means that the concert might start and were still in line and second once we get in, it might be too crowded already. the only way the ticket will be worth it is if staying outside is totally worthless. so we loitered outside for a while. when the concert started, it wasnt that bad. you can hear the eheads perform. you can see the stage effects and the screen. you can see ely buendia but not the other eheads (it was like watching him perform on the opposite side of the sunken garden (educ building) from malcolm building or maybe nearer. thats the bad thing about being outside, you dont have the view of the Eraserheads. at least its not that crowded. there's a crowd outside too but there's space to move. and the crowd outside isnt fun to be with.
so thats how i ended up listening to the eheads reunion concert.
saturday morning of august 30, i knew its the long awaited day of august for many eheads fans. at this point, i wasnt even planning of going. although ive blogged a few days earlier that i wanted to go and see the eheads perform together, i also mentioned in that blog entry that i cant go due to the fact i have lots of stuff to do. the OLA class component for saturday afternoon may have been cancelled but my ADR class somehow nullified the class cancellation because of the assigned work that's due after one week. and assigned work that is due after a week really means that it will take a week to finish. so it meant that saturday night is the only time for me to rest. and going to a concert, although enjoyable, isnt really relaxing. so as of saturday morning, i had no plans of going to the eheads reunion concert.
during lunchtime, i texted two of my friends who were celebrating their birthdays. one of them was diana, who replied that i should go see the eheads reunion concert. i replied that i cant, i have lots of stuff to do.
for some reason, after diana's suggestion of "making time" to see the eheads reunion, i entertained the idea of going. so during IPL class (1pm), i asked jump if he has a ticket to the eheads concert. he said he doesnt have one but its possible to just stay outside the concert grounds. that didnt even cross my mind. so he started texting people who could possibly go with us. unfortunately, we're no longer college students who can just drop whatever we are doing to go some place else on such short notice. almost everyone was unavailable to go to the concert. so we decided to cancel our plan to go to the concert around 430 or 5pm.
unfortunately (or fortunately) for me, i told my siblings i was planning to go to the eheads concert even without a ticket. they thought the idea was stupid at first since whats the point of going there without seeing the eheads perform. although i could afford the ticket, i really dont want to spend money for it since i have lots of expenses for this semester (mostly because of OLA). i dont want to run out of funds. so as much as possible i dont want to buy a ticket. had i known the ticket price a week or two weeks before, i could have saved some money or allotted some of my allowance to buy the P1300 ticket (because i dont want the P800 ticket). thats impossible since the ticket price was announced within the week of the reunion concert. anyway, my siblings really wanted to go and they were willing to buy tickets too (so in effect, they just want a driver because i said im not going to buy a ticket or maybe they know i have enough money to buy a ticket and will force me to buy one once were there). so even if i said im no longer going, they tried to convince me to go to the concert by playing eheads songs and by talking about the eheads while telling me from time to time to go to the concert with them. my brother was always checking the music channels whether they were playing music videos of the eheads. and we were able to see a video of "alapaap" in MTV. and then i told them i dont know how to go to Bonifacio Global City. i need a navigator if im going to drive there. my brother has two words for me, "google earth". i said no but eventually, i decided to check anyway. since i reformatted my hard disk last May or June, google earth was no longer installed in our PC, so i used wikimapia. and when i saw that it wasnt that difficult to go to the concert area, i finally said we will go but in case we get lost (because im just relying on wikimapia and ive never driven there), we will head back home and just rent a DVD and eat fast food. they said ok. so off we went to the concert area. it was already 6pm.
we got there around 7pm. we didnt get lost. i guess i still have good navigation skills. and i make use of the Dirk Gently style of navigation. its simply following the car in front of you which appears to know where it is going. i followed a jeepney when i no longer have road signs to follow. when i saw what appeared to be concert lights, i just took the roads which will lead me to it. and then i followed a car which looked like it was going to park somewhere. luckily, it was indeed going to park somewhere and i ended up lining up for a car park. its not very near the concert grounds but its "reasonably near". and it was 7pm already. most likely its hard to park anywhere nearer. anyway, luckily again, when we got the parking ticket, the parking attendant started informing the guard to stop accepting cars since the parking lot is already full. whew! seems like luck is with me again. they accepted three more cars after us. we were able to park the "mystery machine" by 730pm. 30 minutes before showtime.
we then checked the ticket booth. the tickets are now priced at P844 and P1300 plus. there are still a lot of people buying tickets. i told my siblings we should wait and see whether its good to buy a ticket. it was almost 8pm. if we were going to buy a ticket, it might not be practical since first, there's a very long line which means that the concert might start and were still in line and second once we get in, it might be too crowded already. the only way the ticket will be worth it is if staying outside is totally worthless. so we loitered outside for a while. when the concert started, it wasnt that bad. you can hear the eheads perform. you can see the stage effects and the screen. you can see ely buendia but not the other eheads (it was like watching him perform on the opposite side of the sunken garden (educ building) from malcolm building or maybe nearer. thats the bad thing about being outside, you dont have the view of the Eraserheads. at least its not that crowded. there's a crowd outside too but there's space to move. and the crowd outside isnt fun to be with.
so thats how i ended up listening to the eheads reunion concert.
Thursday, August 28, 2008
the eraserheads is...
the best there was, the best there is and the best there ever will be. in my lifetime.
well, its confirmed, the Eheads reunion concert will push through on August 30 in Taguig. the unfortunate thing is or the very, very unfortunate thing is...i wont be able to watch it! the ticket is only P800-P1300 and even if its very affordable, i dont have the time to go and watch a concert. damn it!
when i heard the news that there will be a reunion concert, my friend told me that we have to see it no matter what. its like history in the making. i said sure, i dont think there would be any problems. i thought, what could prevent me from seeing the best rockband of my lifetime. well, i may not be as busy as i was a few months ago but for some reason, i still dont have the time to see the reunited eheads members perform the songs that are considered as the highlight of Philippine music of the 90s. im writing this on august 28. maybe something might happen in the next 48 hours which would allow me to watch the concert. i doubt it. life has never been that nice to me.
well, its confirmed, the Eheads reunion concert will push through on August 30 in Taguig. the unfortunate thing is or the very, very unfortunate thing is...i wont be able to watch it! the ticket is only P800-P1300 and even if its very affordable, i dont have the time to go and watch a concert. damn it!
when i heard the news that there will be a reunion concert, my friend told me that we have to see it no matter what. its like history in the making. i said sure, i dont think there would be any problems. i thought, what could prevent me from seeing the best rockband of my lifetime. well, i may not be as busy as i was a few months ago but for some reason, i still dont have the time to see the reunited eheads members perform the songs that are considered as the highlight of Philippine music of the 90s. im writing this on august 28. maybe something might happen in the next 48 hours which would allow me to watch the concert. i doubt it. life has never been that nice to me.
its a long way to the top
sooner or later someone i know will fall from grace. i think this is something bound to happen.
inevitable? not really. just very, very likely or very probable. when that happens, i will either laugh or shed a tear or two (or maybe cry). depends on who will fall from grace of course. im in a world where some people prioritize their careers. and when i say prioritize, they put their careers above everything else. and there are some who are struggling in life that you hope that life doesnt break them and crush their spirits or place them in desperate situations.
the weird thing about this is that sometimes, the person will not notice that he or she is falling from grace already. its something that just happens. the person loses his or her grip of reality and starts to dwell in a twisted delusional world. the person will think he or she is rising to the top but in reality, he or she is zooming straight down. the next thing that person will know is that someone is pointing to him or her that he or she is in a very bad and shameful situation. well, deep shit happens...to a select number of people.
inevitable? not really. just very, very likely or very probable. when that happens, i will either laugh or shed a tear or two (or maybe cry). depends on who will fall from grace of course. im in a world where some people prioritize their careers. and when i say prioritize, they put their careers above everything else. and there are some who are struggling in life that you hope that life doesnt break them and crush their spirits or place them in desperate situations.
the weird thing about this is that sometimes, the person will not notice that he or she is falling from grace already. its something that just happens. the person loses his or her grip of reality and starts to dwell in a twisted delusional world. the person will think he or she is rising to the top but in reality, he or she is zooming straight down. the next thing that person will know is that someone is pointing to him or her that he or she is in a very bad and shameful situation. well, deep shit happens...to a select number of people.
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
falling in love is hard on the knees
years ago, when aerosmith released this single, i asked my cousin why is falling in love hard on the knees? he said its an R18 thing and im too young. it was 1996 or 1997, maybe even 1998. point is, i was a highschool student. what the hell was he talking about that it was an R18 shit? i knew more than him when it comes to stuff like these and now, i still know more than he does, a lot more. the pervy sage isnt too young for shit like these.
anyway, the reason i asked was because i had a follow up question (i had the nasty habit of asking in twos, the first question is only an introduction to the second question). i knew the answer to the first question of course. but my real question was, does the title really make sense? the person is still in the stage of falling in love. how come its hard on the knees already? its possible to do it the other way around, to make it hard on the knees and then fall in love while doing it. but to make it hard on the knees while in the process of falling in love? i dont think it works that way. i mean, the person is just falling in love, how come they're doing it already. its possible to fall in love while doing it but the act of doing it comes first before the falling part.
thats how i saw it back in highschool. now, it kinda makes sense, especially when you look at the lyrics and not just the title. and its really hard on the knees.
anyway, the reason i asked was because i had a follow up question (i had the nasty habit of asking in twos, the first question is only an introduction to the second question). i knew the answer to the first question of course. but my real question was, does the title really make sense? the person is still in the stage of falling in love. how come its hard on the knees already? its possible to do it the other way around, to make it hard on the knees and then fall in love while doing it. but to make it hard on the knees while in the process of falling in love? i dont think it works that way. i mean, the person is just falling in love, how come they're doing it already. its possible to fall in love while doing it but the act of doing it comes first before the falling part.
thats how i saw it back in highschool. now, it kinda makes sense, especially when you look at the lyrics and not just the title. and its really hard on the knees.
i need to exercise. and i need lots of it.
had a very tiring day. did a lot of walking and climbing. climbing flights of stairs!
went to mandaluyong earlier to go to the national center for mental health to do some OLA related stuff. to go to the NCMH, coming from UP, i had to ride a jeep up to SM North. then head to the MRT station (and taking the stairs was really tiring). but instead of going straight to Shaw (so i could go to the NCMH), i had to stop-over cubao to do something (ate lunch and bought something. why didnt i eat in SM North? i forgot! ive been skipping meals lately). so i rode the MRT from north station to cubao station and then cubao station to shaw station (thats a lot of stairs i covered). by the time i reached shaw station, i really felt i needed to hydrate myself (and i already bought buko juice in cubao station before heading to shaw). so next i rode a jeep and when i reached NCMH, did a lot of walking again because the place wasnt the kind of hospital i was expecting. it was a very wide and open area with lots of buildings. that explains why there are tricycles outside the gate. and since i have no idea where im going inside the compound, i have no choice but to walk and keep asking for directions. eventually, i did reach the place i needed to go to. and when its time to head back to UP, had to take more stairs because im going to ride the MRT again. had to take more flights of stairs when i was in UP because i had to go to the 3rd floor of the law library to pick up the readings i earlier requested to be photocopied. then did a little more walking when i started heading home.
what i gathered from this experience is that im really out of shape. very out of shape. seriously out of shape. while taking the stairs in the MRT, i was muttering that i was going to kill the jerk who thought of having these stairs for all the MRT stations. i was really cursing and panting (damn these stairs!).
so what am i going to do? i dont know. start walking home again? after a very mentally draining day, do i still have the strength to walk? i lost 10 or 15 pounds already for just doing academic work. im bound to lose more by exposing myself to physical exertion. so?
i really need to exercise. the physical type.
went to mandaluyong earlier to go to the national center for mental health to do some OLA related stuff. to go to the NCMH, coming from UP, i had to ride a jeep up to SM North. then head to the MRT station (and taking the stairs was really tiring). but instead of going straight to Shaw (so i could go to the NCMH), i had to stop-over cubao to do something (ate lunch and bought something. why didnt i eat in SM North? i forgot! ive been skipping meals lately). so i rode the MRT from north station to cubao station and then cubao station to shaw station (thats a lot of stairs i covered). by the time i reached shaw station, i really felt i needed to hydrate myself (and i already bought buko juice in cubao station before heading to shaw). so next i rode a jeep and when i reached NCMH, did a lot of walking again because the place wasnt the kind of hospital i was expecting. it was a very wide and open area with lots of buildings. that explains why there are tricycles outside the gate. and since i have no idea where im going inside the compound, i have no choice but to walk and keep asking for directions. eventually, i did reach the place i needed to go to. and when its time to head back to UP, had to take more stairs because im going to ride the MRT again. had to take more flights of stairs when i was in UP because i had to go to the 3rd floor of the law library to pick up the readings i earlier requested to be photocopied. then did a little more walking when i started heading home.
what i gathered from this experience is that im really out of shape. very out of shape. seriously out of shape. while taking the stairs in the MRT, i was muttering that i was going to kill the jerk who thought of having these stairs for all the MRT stations. i was really cursing and panting (damn these stairs!).
so what am i going to do? i dont know. start walking home again? after a very mentally draining day, do i still have the strength to walk? i lost 10 or 15 pounds already for just doing academic work. im bound to lose more by exposing myself to physical exertion. so?
i really need to exercise. the physical type.
Monday, August 25, 2008
give love limited
love hurts. it hurts both the giver and the receiver. it just has to. sooner or later, love has to hurt. although im not saying its not possible to have love that doesnt hurt, i would say its an extreme rarity to have love in one's life in such a way. and i would say unfortunate are those who only have the blissful feeling of love and not have its painful part. they will never know what love is.
anyway, it seems to me people find it hard to hurt the ones they love, even if it might be necessary (like parents and their love for their children). or they think they have hurt them enough that they cant hurt them any more than what they have already done. thats what makes the hurtful part of love tricky (its always tricky). how would you know enough is enough? when will you know if its necessary? as usual, this has no rational answer. the person just has to know what is reasonable and unreasonable and when it is reasonable or unreasonable. reasonability and rationality are two different things for me. what can be rational may not be reasonable given certain circumstances. or a very rational person may be unreasonable from time to time. point is, handling the hurtful part of love is a life-long struggle. its a never ending quest to comprehend what love dictates. you succumb to its power but one should not submit to it entirely.
i see people who are reasonable in giving love. or start out to be reasonable. then after a while, they just lose control (or are not mindful that they need to exercise reason to gain control) and keep on giving love that the receiver of it never learns how to handle properly the love he or she receiving. he or she becomes accustomed to the "excessive" love he or she is getting that the person starts to think thats how it is to love a person. that person is not accustomed with the amount of pain love brings with it. the person sees the hurtful part as a burdensome annoyance and never learns how to deal with it. the person then starts to ignore it and just focus on the positive side of love, hence never really learning how to properly give love. the person grows up with the mistaken notion that to give love is to shelter the person he or she loves from all the pains and worries of the world. the person is of the belief that the recipient of this love will necessarily reciprocate the same way he or she did to the giver of the love he or she has grown accustomed with. the person therefore has a distorted perception of love. and its all because he or she was never given the opportunity to be hurt and deal with it on his or her own. because the giver of the love is always afraid that the person might not be ready for it or not strong enough to handle it yet. the giver therefore is always there to assist or help. like i said, its hard to determine what and when it is reasonable to allow the receiver to be hurt. its hard to say up to what extent should the receiver be allowed to handle the pain. my answer to this is not a good one actually. just let him or her have it. if he or she fails to handle it, let him or her figure out what to do next. let him or her wallow in pain. if he or she asks for help, provide the most minimal amount of help that can be given. if he or she survives, then good for that person. if it destroys him or her, then im sorry but love isnt for him or her. its harsh, irrational and unreasonable (and its easy for me to say this because i havent actually been in such a position, i can only imagine). so in the end, my answer is as risky as giving love excessively and constantly waiting for the right time to let the pain come in to the receiver's life in controlled amounts. either way, it destroys the receiver of the love.
who are these receivers? they are the ones who are quick to ask for help or expect to be helped when they longer recognize the love that is in front of them. they are the ones who quickly break down when they feel a piece of love's wrath (just a piece). they are the ones who are left dumbfounded when love does something that's contrary to their expectations. they are the ones we make use of as examples for horror or tragic love stories (or some of them because some really know how to deal with love, it just so happens that luck isnt on their side or some other external factor). sometimes its too late to make them recognize love in the proper sense that no amount of reasoning can be used to make them see the real kind of love (not that they dont listen, its just that they cant change what they know no matter how much other people try to correct them). or too late to make them learn how to handle its painful side. sometimes its too late to make them feel its pain and teach them how to bounce back from the fall. sometimes the most you can do is hurt them physically, hoping you can make his or her brain undergo a hard reset and remove all the clutter that he or she needs to unlearn. its not a guaranteed method of course but at least there's a chance of it happening and you get to release some frustrations. i havent done it, and most likely i wont be able to test it. but it appears to me to be a very reasonable idea yet an irrational one. i have the opportunity to test this idea but unfortunately, i cant take it (its another one of those experiments that society will not approve).
anyway, it seems to me people find it hard to hurt the ones they love, even if it might be necessary (like parents and their love for their children). or they think they have hurt them enough that they cant hurt them any more than what they have already done. thats what makes the hurtful part of love tricky (its always tricky). how would you know enough is enough? when will you know if its necessary? as usual, this has no rational answer. the person just has to know what is reasonable and unreasonable and when it is reasonable or unreasonable. reasonability and rationality are two different things for me. what can be rational may not be reasonable given certain circumstances. or a very rational person may be unreasonable from time to time. point is, handling the hurtful part of love is a life-long struggle. its a never ending quest to comprehend what love dictates. you succumb to its power but one should not submit to it entirely.
i see people who are reasonable in giving love. or start out to be reasonable. then after a while, they just lose control (or are not mindful that they need to exercise reason to gain control) and keep on giving love that the receiver of it never learns how to handle properly the love he or she receiving. he or she becomes accustomed to the "excessive" love he or she is getting that the person starts to think thats how it is to love a person. that person is not accustomed with the amount of pain love brings with it. the person sees the hurtful part as a burdensome annoyance and never learns how to deal with it. the person then starts to ignore it and just focus on the positive side of love, hence never really learning how to properly give love. the person grows up with the mistaken notion that to give love is to shelter the person he or she loves from all the pains and worries of the world. the person is of the belief that the recipient of this love will necessarily reciprocate the same way he or she did to the giver of the love he or she has grown accustomed with. the person therefore has a distorted perception of love. and its all because he or she was never given the opportunity to be hurt and deal with it on his or her own. because the giver of the love is always afraid that the person might not be ready for it or not strong enough to handle it yet. the giver therefore is always there to assist or help. like i said, its hard to determine what and when it is reasonable to allow the receiver to be hurt. its hard to say up to what extent should the receiver be allowed to handle the pain. my answer to this is not a good one actually. just let him or her have it. if he or she fails to handle it, let him or her figure out what to do next. let him or her wallow in pain. if he or she asks for help, provide the most minimal amount of help that can be given. if he or she survives, then good for that person. if it destroys him or her, then im sorry but love isnt for him or her. its harsh, irrational and unreasonable (and its easy for me to say this because i havent actually been in such a position, i can only imagine). so in the end, my answer is as risky as giving love excessively and constantly waiting for the right time to let the pain come in to the receiver's life in controlled amounts. either way, it destroys the receiver of the love.
who are these receivers? they are the ones who are quick to ask for help or expect to be helped when they longer recognize the love that is in front of them. they are the ones who quickly break down when they feel a piece of love's wrath (just a piece). they are the ones who are left dumbfounded when love does something that's contrary to their expectations. they are the ones we make use of as examples for horror or tragic love stories (or some of them because some really know how to deal with love, it just so happens that luck isnt on their side or some other external factor). sometimes its too late to make them recognize love in the proper sense that no amount of reasoning can be used to make them see the real kind of love (not that they dont listen, its just that they cant change what they know no matter how much other people try to correct them). or too late to make them learn how to handle its painful side. sometimes its too late to make them feel its pain and teach them how to bounce back from the fall. sometimes the most you can do is hurt them physically, hoping you can make his or her brain undergo a hard reset and remove all the clutter that he or she needs to unlearn. its not a guaranteed method of course but at least there's a chance of it happening and you get to release some frustrations. i havent done it, and most likely i wont be able to test it. but it appears to me to be a very reasonable idea yet an irrational one. i have the opportunity to test this idea but unfortunately, i cant take it (its another one of those experiments that society will not approve).
wakari masen!
one, i dont understand women. two, i dont understand women. and three, i dont understand women! (or maybe i just dont understand humans in general)
makes me wonder why men and women evolved that way. i mean, how come men and women dont think alike. its like their minds are galaxies apart. thats why both sexes (or genders) dont really get each other. and thats why i find the Point-of-View gun in the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy movie a funny idea. its like an unresolvable problem between the sexes and you need some gadget to make the other side understand, or see the true meaning of things from the point of view of the opposite sex.
of course, the simple answer is that, it has to be that way. to make things, or the relationship between the sexes interesting. if men and women had the same thoughts, shared the same point of view, then the world would be boring. i think its the differences between the sexes that makes the whole point of matching with the opposite sex. to finally find a member of the opposite sex that you understand or understands you or at least has the differences you can tolerate or can tolerate you.
but my question really is, how come men and women evolved that way. most likely, its society that shaped the minds of the sexes but still, the fact that society did this could at least make it attributable to evolution. society evolves and the individual that composes such society evolves too. why did men end up thinking the way they think now, and the same goes for women, and not the other way around? thats attributable to society and culture. but how did the men and women composing the early forms of society and culture ended up being that way. thats attributable to the individual men and women. i mean, why do men like this or that, women fancy this or that? how come men dont see things as women do and vice versa? society could have dictated most of it but still, it must have originated from the early human development of individuals. the reason im asking why is because the difference between men and women couldnt have been a coincidence. it has a purpose and thats answerable. my question is how it happened. and im asking because i just want to know how or what circumstances induced the development of such differences. well, to make the argument much more simpler to answer, insert God in the equation. because they just have to be that way. thats the easiest way to answer coincidences. i dont know which field of science states that there's no such thing as coincidence but i think thats one thing they can agree with with some religions. there's no such thing as coincidence in this world, everything has a purpose, a reason to exist or a reason why it happened.
makes me wonder why men and women evolved that way. i mean, how come men and women dont think alike. its like their minds are galaxies apart. thats why both sexes (or genders) dont really get each other. and thats why i find the Point-of-View gun in the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy movie a funny idea. its like an unresolvable problem between the sexes and you need some gadget to make the other side understand, or see the true meaning of things from the point of view of the opposite sex.
of course, the simple answer is that, it has to be that way. to make things, or the relationship between the sexes interesting. if men and women had the same thoughts, shared the same point of view, then the world would be boring. i think its the differences between the sexes that makes the whole point of matching with the opposite sex. to finally find a member of the opposite sex that you understand or understands you or at least has the differences you can tolerate or can tolerate you.
but my question really is, how come men and women evolved that way. most likely, its society that shaped the minds of the sexes but still, the fact that society did this could at least make it attributable to evolution. society evolves and the individual that composes such society evolves too. why did men end up thinking the way they think now, and the same goes for women, and not the other way around? thats attributable to society and culture. but how did the men and women composing the early forms of society and culture ended up being that way. thats attributable to the individual men and women. i mean, why do men like this or that, women fancy this or that? how come men dont see things as women do and vice versa? society could have dictated most of it but still, it must have originated from the early human development of individuals. the reason im asking why is because the difference between men and women couldnt have been a coincidence. it has a purpose and thats answerable. my question is how it happened. and im asking because i just want to know how or what circumstances induced the development of such differences. well, to make the argument much more simpler to answer, insert God in the equation. because they just have to be that way. thats the easiest way to answer coincidences. i dont know which field of science states that there's no such thing as coincidence but i think thats one thing they can agree with with some religions. there's no such thing as coincidence in this world, everything has a purpose, a reason to exist or a reason why it happened.
fall out boy
i was asked recently about what's up with the falling out with this particular person. she asked me why it happened. i was surprised because i wasnt expecting to be asked about it. the question somehow came out of nowhere. although i should have expected the question because its a logical question from the conversation we were having, i guess i wasnt really thinking about it anymore. thats why i was surprised to be asked on it. i just said its my fault or i should have made a clearer reply that its my own doing. it didnt really answer her question but at least i was admitting im the one to blame why it happened. i have my reasons and i dont feel like telling it to her because i really dont feel like explaining my reasons. why bother. its not like its going to change anything. im not saying that im happy with what happened but at least im finding some kind of peace. and sometimes thats good enough.
i then asked her, what made her think theres some falling out? this is what i should have asked after she asked me. i usually answer with a question when asked about stuff like these but since i wasnt expecting it, i admitted quickly without even realizing that she might just be fishing for answers. she answered, she just noticed (what!!!) well, there's no point thinking whether i believe her or not. i already admitted that it happened and its my own doing. besides, i think she's the only one who's wondering about it anyway. other people will never notice or just dont care. and i saw the particular person minutes later and she looked happy. so whats the point of knowing the answer to her question when obviously, it doesnt matter to both of us anymore. she's happy and im finding some form of contentment (im starting to hate the word but thats the word for it. contentment).
i then asked her, what made her think theres some falling out? this is what i should have asked after she asked me. i usually answer with a question when asked about stuff like these but since i wasnt expecting it, i admitted quickly without even realizing that she might just be fishing for answers. she answered, she just noticed (what!!!) well, there's no point thinking whether i believe her or not. i already admitted that it happened and its my own doing. besides, i think she's the only one who's wondering about it anyway. other people will never notice or just dont care. and i saw the particular person minutes later and she looked happy. so whats the point of knowing the answer to her question when obviously, it doesnt matter to both of us anymore. she's happy and im finding some form of contentment (im starting to hate the word but thats the word for it. contentment).
"what could have been" is a very sad phrase
i was eating at mcdonalds the other day. i was tired and i felt like giving myself a treat by eating dinner at mcdonalds (i dont eat at mcdonalds or any other fast food as frequently as i did last june or first few weeks of july). i was alone, as usual, and just watching the people around me. and thats when it hit me, a feeling that resembled regret. maybe it was regret. i just saw something that made me remember a choice i made a few years ago. if i chose otherwise, i thought, i might not be sitting at mcdonalds alone. i might be sitting with this person, eating the burger happily despite the tiring day. spending a few minutes with her would be enough to wipe out the bad things that happen to me every single day. well, thats an exaggeration but its plausible. but thats just the thing, its only a possibility. and mere possibility is not good enough for me. thats why i made the choice i made back then. i could be happy right now, but the word "could" just doesnt persuade me to choose otherwise. thats when i reminded myself that ive committed to staying single for the rest of my life. and that made the feeling of regret go away. sure its not easy to commit to it but its not difficult either. maybe because i dont have prospects at the moment but i doubt i will have any since i easily lose interest. or im not susceptible to love or something like it. i remember back in gradeschool, every year i have a new crush. thats why i dont have a childhood sweetheart to think of or think about (just thought about it because the movie i rented and watched earlier involved going back to his childhood love or whatever thats called and they ended up being together). maybe i was just tired thats why the feeling of regret leaked and reminded of things im forcing myself not to even bother to think about.
ken afford
been to ken afford twice this month. if i remember correctly, this is the first time i ate in ken afford in their new location. so it doesnt really bring back memories. and when i ate there, the only i thing i remembered was when i ate in ken afford (when it was stilll located in front of ateneo) with alnard. i remembered we ordered crispy kangkong. and it was only days later that i remembered that i also ate there with other blockmates after i graduated from college. other than those 2 instances, i dont remember anything memorable about ken afford. well, except for the sisig of course. i dont even remember if i ate in ken afford alone. i remember i always eat alone in the ISO cafeteria. although i know ive been there a number of times back in college, i just realized that the place isnt as memorable as i thought. or im just becoming forgetful.
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
just bored.
someone made a comment a few weeks ago (or maybe more than a month ago). she jokingly asked if i had ADHD (because i was always walking back and forth, pacing around the room and i just cant sit still when im doing nothing...every week! well, almost every week). i said no but i might have when i was kid. i really was a hyperactive KSP to the point that it annoyed a lot of people, especially some of my teachers. i was so talkative and im always restless (thats what my gradeschool teachers always say until i transferred into another school where i suddenly became the most quiet person in class). thats why it wasnt surprising that i was very thin because i was always moving or running around (and im losing a lot of weight at the moment and its not because of physical activity. someone even commented if im on drugs). anyway, i tried looking at wikipedia to read on the topic. just for the sake of looking at it because im tired of all the stuff ive been doing lately. although wikipedia isnt really considered as an official reference like an encyclopedia, its mostly reliable. im not saying the one im posting below is reliable. im saying it could be. so i got an excerpt from wikipedia and decided to see if its possible for me to have an adult attention deficit disorder.
The Hallowell Center identifies the following indicators to consider when ADHD is suspected and recommends that individuals with at least twelve of the following behaviours since childhood—provided these symptoms are not associated with any other medical or psychiatric conditions—consider professional diagnosis:
A sense of underachievement, of not meeting one’s goals (regardless of how much one has actually accomplished). (hmmm. does this apply to me? i wouldnt call it a sense of underachievement but more of theres always room for improvement. like im not satisfied with what i do, it can always be better or something like that. its like an optimists way of saying it so i guess thats one point.)
Difficulty getting organized. (i dont think this applies to me)
Chronic procrastination or trouble getting started. (i procrastinate. like now. but i wouldnt say its chronic. because there are times i do stuff early. well, because im procrastinating on other stuff. so in order to avoid doing it, i do other things even in advance, just to avoid doing whats really important. but i dont think my procrastination is chronic. so no points here)
Many projects going simultaneously; trouble with follow through. (yeah, kind of but not really. i still manage)
A tendency to say what comes to mind without necessarily considering the timing or appropriateness of the remark. (aahh. ive cured this. i used to be like this and in a way i still am but im conscious about it. so as long as i can exhibit self-restraint, this doesnt apply to me. i wont add this since i can control it)
A frequent search for high stimulation. (yup, thats me all right. total of two points)
An intolerance of boredom. (sort of. thats why i make sure im thinking of something because i dont want my mind to be idle. so even im sitting motionless, my mind is really very active so as to avoid getting bored which became problematic because the thoughts in my head sometimes become more interesting than interacting with most people. so reality bores me. so thats three points total)
Easy distractibility; trouble focusing attention, tendency to tune out or drift away in the middle of a page or conversation, often coupled with an inability to focus at times. (crap, four points! i easily lose focus. damn it. thats why im better in written conversations. im more focused for some reason i dont know why. maybe because when im talking with people, there are moving objects around and there are lots of stuff happening)
Often creative, intuitive, highly intelligent (often? i was intelligent before. im a bit creative. so im going to add this for a total of five points)
Trouble in going through established channels and following proper procedure. (not really. i manage)
Impatient; low tolerance of frustration. (ive cured this too. im a very impatient person thats why i dont bother to wait for people. thats why i always go solo. and thats why i dont expect anything either because it just pisses me off. ok, i havent really cured myself of it. i just manage to avoid situations that will make me exhibit my impatience and low tolerance of frustration. so thats six points. halfway there)
Impulsive, either verbally or in action, as an impulsive spending of money. (oh shit. thats seven. im impulsive when i dont exhibit self-restraint. and im impulsive in spending money. really, really impulsive. someone should hold my wallet for me)
Changing plans, enacting new schemes or career plans and the like; hot-tempered. (not sure. the reason i dont make plans is because i dont want to be restricted by plans. as for hot-tempered, yes. well, used to. i sort of focused on fixing my temper so i dont lose it easily. but im naturally hot-tempered. fine, ill make it an eight since i do have the tendency to change plans on the last minute. i just dont call it a plan since i dont commit to it)
A tendency to worry needlessly, endlessly; a tendency to scan the horizon looking for something to worry about, alternating with attention to or disregard for actual dangers. (thats nine. im the reklmador, the problem-maker. a blockmate just made this comment a few weeks ago that im always looking for problems to solve when i have other problems that needs solving too. i have the tendency to fix other people's problems first before attending to my problems)
A sense of insecurity. (my cousin said i was but i dont think so. or i just like to keep telling myself that)
Mood swings, mood lability, especially when disengaged from a person or a project. (ten points!)
Physical or cognitive restlessness. (eleven. every morning when i eat breakfast, i walk in circles in our living room, counterclockwise. i get dizzy if i do it clockwise. cant sit down unless im watching tv. i just have the compulsion to walk around)
A tendency toward addictive behavior. (twelve. damn it! ive admitted this to a couple of people. i easily get addicted to stuff. like 50 first dates. or my infatuation junkie personality. i just cant help but indulge. depends what im in the mood for)
Chronic problems with self-esteem. (yes. give me thirteen)
Inaccurate self-observation. (this one i cant answer. wait, if this applies to me, then my observations above would be inaccurate and would render this checklist useless. well at least i didnt get bored for a few minutes)
Family history of ADHD or manic depressive illness or depression or substance abuse or other disorders of impulse control or mood. (none. in my immediate family at least)
thirteen applies to me. so, do i have ADHD? nope. im just a hyperactive knucklehead when i was in gradeschool (and an anti-social when i was in highschool. and plain weird when i was in college). professional diagnosis my ass. so what if i have adult attention deficit disorder? im a fully functional member of society. its not like im going to snap one of these days and become a serial killer when i reach the age of 30 just to make life interesting. some men just want to watch the world burn.
The Hallowell Center identifies the following indicators to consider when ADHD is suspected and recommends that individuals with at least twelve of the following behaviours since childhood—provided these symptoms are not associated with any other medical or psychiatric conditions—consider professional diagnosis:
A sense of underachievement, of not meeting one’s goals (regardless of how much one has actually accomplished). (hmmm. does this apply to me? i wouldnt call it a sense of underachievement but more of theres always room for improvement. like im not satisfied with what i do, it can always be better or something like that. its like an optimists way of saying it so i guess thats one point.)
Difficulty getting organized. (i dont think this applies to me)
Chronic procrastination or trouble getting started. (i procrastinate. like now. but i wouldnt say its chronic. because there are times i do stuff early. well, because im procrastinating on other stuff. so in order to avoid doing it, i do other things even in advance, just to avoid doing whats really important. but i dont think my procrastination is chronic. so no points here)
Many projects going simultaneously; trouble with follow through. (yeah, kind of but not really. i still manage)
A tendency to say what comes to mind without necessarily considering the timing or appropriateness of the remark. (aahh. ive cured this. i used to be like this and in a way i still am but im conscious about it. so as long as i can exhibit self-restraint, this doesnt apply to me. i wont add this since i can control it)
A frequent search for high stimulation. (yup, thats me all right. total of two points)
An intolerance of boredom. (sort of. thats why i make sure im thinking of something because i dont want my mind to be idle. so even im sitting motionless, my mind is really very active so as to avoid getting bored which became problematic because the thoughts in my head sometimes become more interesting than interacting with most people. so reality bores me. so thats three points total)
Easy distractibility; trouble focusing attention, tendency to tune out or drift away in the middle of a page or conversation, often coupled with an inability to focus at times. (crap, four points! i easily lose focus. damn it. thats why im better in written conversations. im more focused for some reason i dont know why. maybe because when im talking with people, there are moving objects around and there are lots of stuff happening)
Often creative, intuitive, highly intelligent (often? i was intelligent before. im a bit creative. so im going to add this for a total of five points)
Trouble in going through established channels and following proper procedure. (not really. i manage)
Impatient; low tolerance of frustration. (ive cured this too. im a very impatient person thats why i dont bother to wait for people. thats why i always go solo. and thats why i dont expect anything either because it just pisses me off. ok, i havent really cured myself of it. i just manage to avoid situations that will make me exhibit my impatience and low tolerance of frustration. so thats six points. halfway there)
Impulsive, either verbally or in action, as an impulsive spending of money. (oh shit. thats seven. im impulsive when i dont exhibit self-restraint. and im impulsive in spending money. really, really impulsive. someone should hold my wallet for me)
Changing plans, enacting new schemes or career plans and the like; hot-tempered. (not sure. the reason i dont make plans is because i dont want to be restricted by plans. as for hot-tempered, yes. well, used to. i sort of focused on fixing my temper so i dont lose it easily. but im naturally hot-tempered. fine, ill make it an eight since i do have the tendency to change plans on the last minute. i just dont call it a plan since i dont commit to it)
A tendency to worry needlessly, endlessly; a tendency to scan the horizon looking for something to worry about, alternating with attention to or disregard for actual dangers. (thats nine. im the reklmador, the problem-maker. a blockmate just made this comment a few weeks ago that im always looking for problems to solve when i have other problems that needs solving too. i have the tendency to fix other people's problems first before attending to my problems)
A sense of insecurity. (my cousin said i was but i dont think so. or i just like to keep telling myself that)
Mood swings, mood lability, especially when disengaged from a person or a project. (ten points!)
Physical or cognitive restlessness. (eleven. every morning when i eat breakfast, i walk in circles in our living room, counterclockwise. i get dizzy if i do it clockwise. cant sit down unless im watching tv. i just have the compulsion to walk around)
A tendency toward addictive behavior. (twelve. damn it! ive admitted this to a couple of people. i easily get addicted to stuff. like 50 first dates. or my infatuation junkie personality. i just cant help but indulge. depends what im in the mood for)
Chronic problems with self-esteem. (yes. give me thirteen)
Inaccurate self-observation. (this one i cant answer. wait, if this applies to me, then my observations above would be inaccurate and would render this checklist useless. well at least i didnt get bored for a few minutes)
Family history of ADHD or manic depressive illness or depression or substance abuse or other disorders of impulse control or mood. (none. in my immediate family at least)
thirteen applies to me. so, do i have ADHD? nope. im just a hyperactive knucklehead when i was in gradeschool (and an anti-social when i was in highschool. and plain weird when i was in college). professional diagnosis my ass. so what if i have adult attention deficit disorder? im a fully functional member of society. its not like im going to snap one of these days and become a serial killer when i reach the age of 30 just to make life interesting. some men just want to watch the world burn.
Monday, August 18, 2008
why?
why do i have the tendency to make life hard for me? i dont know really, i just tell myself, its part of my training. training for what? i dont know too. i just feel compelled to do it. a person mocked me playfully, i think earlier this month, saying, "hi, im tristan, i do this and do that just for the sake of making things difficult" or something to that effect. i replied, when she asked why i do it, i just do stuff without thinking.
so, why complicate things when there's a simpler alternative? why am i compelled to make life as hard as possible? why cant i allow myself to enjoy life? the answer? i dont know. and i cant. like i said, im compelled to live this way as if, this is the way it should be done. for some reason, i think im right in doing so.
months before, ive made a decision which i felt is not a good one. but i felt compelled to do it. and now, looking back, and seeing how things are now, i think the decision ive made, no matter how much ive felt against it, was right. maybe i do have the gift of foresight. unexplainable foresight. sometimes i think that we see glimpses of the future, embedded in the subconscious. only thing is, the glimpses last for only seconds or just a second. a very thin slice of what will be. and from there, you get the feeling of where youre heading or what you should do. unfortunately, im always at the losing end.
the reason i want to decide against what i felt i should do is because, im going to be the one who will lose in that decision. but i had to because it seems the decision will benefit more people (as always, i let reason prevail). its like, i have to make the decision and sacrifice what i want in order to make way for what is necessary. ok, maybe thats not foresight, but merely exercise of good discretion. actually, it didnt seem as good discretion to me. it looked to me like some masochistic shit. i just tell myself that i operate on the basis of need, not want (which is true). so i dont listen to myself when i want something, i only pay attention to my needs and i still filter what those needs are. thats why when i was asked years ago (along EDSA near Makati) with the question "tristan, what do you want?like, if you could wish for something or have what you desire, what would you ask for?" i cant think of anything (and i wasnt able to answer her question) because sure there are simple material wants but to be asked of what i want thats much deeper than material shit, i dont know what i want because ive always focused on what i need. for me, wants are irrelevant because one can live without it. thats why my mother always tells me i lack ambition. ambition is a manifestation of what people want. i do have ambition, but i dont "cultivate" it. like i said, wants are irrelevant. i do have wants but i dont pay attention to them. i always ask myself "what do i need?"
again, i dont know where im heading with what im writing. better sleep if im not going to study any further for the take home exam. theres no point posting half-baked thoughts.
so, why complicate things when there's a simpler alternative? why am i compelled to make life as hard as possible? why cant i allow myself to enjoy life? the answer? i dont know. and i cant. like i said, im compelled to live this way as if, this is the way it should be done. for some reason, i think im right in doing so.
months before, ive made a decision which i felt is not a good one. but i felt compelled to do it. and now, looking back, and seeing how things are now, i think the decision ive made, no matter how much ive felt against it, was right. maybe i do have the gift of foresight. unexplainable foresight. sometimes i think that we see glimpses of the future, embedded in the subconscious. only thing is, the glimpses last for only seconds or just a second. a very thin slice of what will be. and from there, you get the feeling of where youre heading or what you should do. unfortunately, im always at the losing end.
the reason i want to decide against what i felt i should do is because, im going to be the one who will lose in that decision. but i had to because it seems the decision will benefit more people (as always, i let reason prevail). its like, i have to make the decision and sacrifice what i want in order to make way for what is necessary. ok, maybe thats not foresight, but merely exercise of good discretion. actually, it didnt seem as good discretion to me. it looked to me like some masochistic shit. i just tell myself that i operate on the basis of need, not want (which is true). so i dont listen to myself when i want something, i only pay attention to my needs and i still filter what those needs are. thats why when i was asked years ago (along EDSA near Makati) with the question "tristan, what do you want?like, if you could wish for something or have what you desire, what would you ask for?" i cant think of anything (and i wasnt able to answer her question) because sure there are simple material wants but to be asked of what i want thats much deeper than material shit, i dont know what i want because ive always focused on what i need. for me, wants are irrelevant because one can live without it. thats why my mother always tells me i lack ambition. ambition is a manifestation of what people want. i do have ambition, but i dont "cultivate" it. like i said, wants are irrelevant. i do have wants but i dont pay attention to them. i always ask myself "what do i need?"
again, i dont know where im heading with what im writing. better sleep if im not going to study any further for the take home exam. theres no point posting half-baked thoughts.
Sunday, August 17, 2008
i wish i never grew up
dont we wish this sometimes? that if only it were possible not to become an adult? to be an adult kinda sucks because you have to put up with all the shit this world will throw at you and deal with it as maturely as you can.
the reason for this entry is because i went to caloocan last week, twice. well, more of thrice because of the august thing. went there once tuesday and twice on friday. the reason i went to caloocan twice was because i forgot my school ID with the guard at the building where the trial courts are located. i found out that i left my ID when i reached home (QC. good thing i dont live in Montalban. not yet) and was in my room looking for my pen in my bag. thats when i realized that my ID isnt in my bag pocket and i remembered its with the guard in caloocan. and i need my ID because i didnt detach it from my ID lace and my locker keys are attached to it. usually, i remove my ID from the ID lace but for some reason, i didnt do that in that particular instance. and normally, i dont forget to claim my ID too. so i said to myself, this is going to be a wonderful day. fortunately, thats the worst thing that happened that day. spent more than a 100 bucks just to commute from caloocan to QC to caloocan to QC again...in four hours.
anyway, the trip to caloocan reminded me that once upon a time i was a kid. this is the city where my family first lived when i was born. i think until i was four or maybe younger (since i started going to school at four). point is, while walking the streets of caloocan, even if it looks "depressed", i remembered that this was the place where i spent my early childhood years. it still feels like home even if i really dont remember much about it. i felt that even if the place looks dangerous and kind of depressing, i would still have lived happily here...if i was a kid. to a kid, the surroundings wont matter much. a kid easily appreciates stuff. or at least i did when i was a kid. all i needed back then was my imagination and im all set to enjoy the day. i dont know what happened or why it happened but now, ive become a person thats hard to please. thats why i wish i never grew up, and never learned how harsh reality is or how cruel life can be so i could easily appreciate life and enjoy every minute of it. to not be affected with what i see, with what surrounds me. just looking around, you see how hard life is for everybody. except for kids. or some of them at least.
i see those street kids, selling stuff, or cleaning shoes or begging for loose change. even if they are made to realize how harsh life is at an early age, they still manage to smile, even laugh. they can still enjoy life despite the hardships that they are going through. as one grows older, it seems to me, life just becomes more depressing. life becomes harder to enjoy.
i dont know where im heading with this entry. i think im just procrastinating because im really struggling with the take home exam i need to finish by tuesday. you dont get burdened with stuff like these when youre a kid.
the reason for this entry is because i went to caloocan last week, twice. well, more of thrice because of the august thing. went there once tuesday and twice on friday. the reason i went to caloocan twice was because i forgot my school ID with the guard at the building where the trial courts are located. i found out that i left my ID when i reached home (QC. good thing i dont live in Montalban. not yet) and was in my room looking for my pen in my bag. thats when i realized that my ID isnt in my bag pocket and i remembered its with the guard in caloocan. and i need my ID because i didnt detach it from my ID lace and my locker keys are attached to it. usually, i remove my ID from the ID lace but for some reason, i didnt do that in that particular instance. and normally, i dont forget to claim my ID too. so i said to myself, this is going to be a wonderful day. fortunately, thats the worst thing that happened that day. spent more than a 100 bucks just to commute from caloocan to QC to caloocan to QC again...in four hours.
anyway, the trip to caloocan reminded me that once upon a time i was a kid. this is the city where my family first lived when i was born. i think until i was four or maybe younger (since i started going to school at four). point is, while walking the streets of caloocan, even if it looks "depressed", i remembered that this was the place where i spent my early childhood years. it still feels like home even if i really dont remember much about it. i felt that even if the place looks dangerous and kind of depressing, i would still have lived happily here...if i was a kid. to a kid, the surroundings wont matter much. a kid easily appreciates stuff. or at least i did when i was a kid. all i needed back then was my imagination and im all set to enjoy the day. i dont know what happened or why it happened but now, ive become a person thats hard to please. thats why i wish i never grew up, and never learned how harsh reality is or how cruel life can be so i could easily appreciate life and enjoy every minute of it. to not be affected with what i see, with what surrounds me. just looking around, you see how hard life is for everybody. except for kids. or some of them at least.
i see those street kids, selling stuff, or cleaning shoes or begging for loose change. even if they are made to realize how harsh life is at an early age, they still manage to smile, even laugh. they can still enjoy life despite the hardships that they are going through. as one grows older, it seems to me, life just becomes more depressing. life becomes harder to enjoy.
i dont know where im heading with this entry. i think im just procrastinating because im really struggling with the take home exam i need to finish by tuesday. you dont get burdened with stuff like these when youre a kid.
Thursday, August 14, 2008
empty inbox
i found out just now that all of my email messages i have in my justicemail account have been erased/deleted. i dont know if it was because of of an upgrade or some glitch or some temporary shit. what i do know is that my emails, which dates back up to 2002 or maybe earlier, are gone. wasnt able to back up the messages because i didnt know this will happen. nor was i aware of any notification that the emails will be erased. its really irritating because it was my primary email address before i switched to yahoomail (meaning, i have some important messages in that justicemail account). and before justicemail, my primary email address was edsamail. now for the edsamail account, i wasnt able to back up the messages because my hard disk back then was beyond repair, cant be reformatted. edsamail isnt really an online account so the messages are stored in the hard disk. and im very much a newbie in the tech world then so i dont know what to expect. point is, i didnt feel a need to back up the messages in my justicemail account since its an online account. until i receive a notification that the email account will be closed or that a system upgrade might erase the emails in the inbox and outbox, i will not make a back-up of the messages. this month is just so unpredictable. years worth of stored emails, gone. i check that email account everyday, and i didnt notice that there's a notification that such a thing will happen. now, if the same thing happens to my primary yahoomail account and my primary gmail account, i think its a clear manifestation that august is here to make my life a living hell.
mid-august rant. sort of.
another unfortunate day. i gues im not really that unfortunate. shit happens after all. maybe august is that month of the year where i become an ordinary or average person subject to average forces of chance or luck. its like im naturally lucky for 11 months (is it because of jupiter?) and august is that only month where i become not so lucky.
like today, i rode a jeep this morning, like i always do but the difference is, the jeep had engine problems which made me late for 10 minutes. not bad but commuting is a science for me so i sometimes reach my destination like clockwork, and most of the time, theres a plus/minus 5 minutes from the time i intend to arrive because i take into consideration ordinarily foreseeable circumstances (like not getting a ride immediately). so if things dont go as expected, it destroys the routine (and sometimes everything else thats set for the day. thats why im not a fan of making plans). although its really possible that the jeep might have engine problems, it happens very rarely to me. and even if it happens, it does not make me late (because i dont recall an instance where i had an excuse that the jeepney i was riding had engine problems). and that happening in august is no big surprise.
then during OLA duty, i unfortunately decided to answer a few phone calls when we were already supposed to have a case conference. not having the presence of mind to do phone duty since im not a phone person to begin with (and also, i have poor hearing, so im not really good with phone conversations), i failed to answer the phone properly, meaning i should say "Hello! UP Office of Legal Aid" and not just a simple "hello!". what made it unfortunate was that the person at the other end of the line was our OLA Director. she noted that i should answer the phone properly. i normally do answer the phone specifiying its the UP Office of Legal Aid. it just so happens that there are instances i forget to answer it properly when im not the one on phone duty. like the instance earlier. so its a bit of a bad impression for our thursday morning team. i just have the tendency to make minor screw ups from time to time and again, its no surprise that i screw things up in august.
then before that i learned that i have a pre-trial set for next week. what the? next week! i have a midterm exam that will be emailed tomorrow due next week which could only mean, its going to be difficult. im going to accompany a client to serve a writ of execution tomorrow (caloocan to novaliches) which will force me to incur an absence since its physically impossible for me to attend the class. and i have another thing to do for a subject, also tomorrow. and i have a lot of stuff to read for a couple of subjects. sure i can prepare the pleadings for pretrial in the next few days but what irritates me is that its my fault that i dont have much time for it. had i made the phone call yesterday, and learned about it yesterday, i would have more time because i wasnt doing anything much yesterday. aside from getting scolded at by the judge and doing the puboff presentation and attending class, i wasnt very busy yesterday. i dont know why i failed to make the phone call to the court yesterday. and i still need to make a couple more phone calls. now im wondering what surpsrise im going to get.
also i just committed to stuff that exposes me to considerably heavy responsibility. my timing couldnt have been better. of all the months, i chose august to take responsibilities where there's a big chance of me screwing things up. im not thinking that im going to screw it up because im trying to actually do it properly. the thing is, i wont be surprised if i screw it up despite the efforts ive made. i would also like to blame august why i ended up taking the responsibilities in the first place because it was offered this month but i had a choice. whether its good or bad still remains to be seen. although, its leaning towards "bad" already. or its just the way i see it.
there are a couple of minor unfortunate stuff that happened today. nothing peculiar like the two incidents above. just small irritating and annoying crap which are avoidable or could have been prevented but i wasnt able to, and if added all together makes today, a bad day. not a really bad day but i guess when august kicks in, im subjected to the ordinary forces of luck that a common person encounters in his or her daily life. either im just used to be being lucky and august just takes away what comes naturally, or im just convincing myself that what im experiencing right now is what most people deal with in their daily life and i only deal with it once in a year within one full month. either way, things arent going well for me.
and i hope my theory is incorrect that my unfortunate month is divided into weeks, two weeks in august and two weeks in october. because there was a time when only half of august was bad. and the worst half came in october. anyway, it doesnt look that way since even if august is halfway over, it appears to me that things are bound to get harder in the next two weeks. not a hunch. its based from stuff that are happening now. if my supervising lawyer's joke has some grain of truth in it, that i have the gift of foresight (which was mentioned in an entirely different context, im just relating it to this entry), then im going to be exposed to extremely stressful shit in the next two weeks.
and my head is aching right now, and for some reason i have a clogged nose even if i dont have a cold. its not the kind of clogged nose you have when one has a cold. i hope its just some temporary thing or some allergic reaction. because if it means im going to be sick, and i cant afford to be sick in the next few weeks, then i dont want to imagine how things could possibly be worse.
like today, i rode a jeep this morning, like i always do but the difference is, the jeep had engine problems which made me late for 10 minutes. not bad but commuting is a science for me so i sometimes reach my destination like clockwork, and most of the time, theres a plus/minus 5 minutes from the time i intend to arrive because i take into consideration ordinarily foreseeable circumstances (like not getting a ride immediately). so if things dont go as expected, it destroys the routine (and sometimes everything else thats set for the day. thats why im not a fan of making plans). although its really possible that the jeep might have engine problems, it happens very rarely to me. and even if it happens, it does not make me late (because i dont recall an instance where i had an excuse that the jeepney i was riding had engine problems). and that happening in august is no big surprise.
then during OLA duty, i unfortunately decided to answer a few phone calls when we were already supposed to have a case conference. not having the presence of mind to do phone duty since im not a phone person to begin with (and also, i have poor hearing, so im not really good with phone conversations), i failed to answer the phone properly, meaning i should say "Hello! UP Office of Legal Aid" and not just a simple "hello!". what made it unfortunate was that the person at the other end of the line was our OLA Director. she noted that i should answer the phone properly. i normally do answer the phone specifiying its the UP Office of Legal Aid. it just so happens that there are instances i forget to answer it properly when im not the one on phone duty. like the instance earlier. so its a bit of a bad impression for our thursday morning team. i just have the tendency to make minor screw ups from time to time and again, its no surprise that i screw things up in august.
then before that i learned that i have a pre-trial set for next week. what the? next week! i have a midterm exam that will be emailed tomorrow due next week which could only mean, its going to be difficult. im going to accompany a client to serve a writ of execution tomorrow (caloocan to novaliches) which will force me to incur an absence since its physically impossible for me to attend the class. and i have another thing to do for a subject, also tomorrow. and i have a lot of stuff to read for a couple of subjects. sure i can prepare the pleadings for pretrial in the next few days but what irritates me is that its my fault that i dont have much time for it. had i made the phone call yesterday, and learned about it yesterday, i would have more time because i wasnt doing anything much yesterday. aside from getting scolded at by the judge and doing the puboff presentation and attending class, i wasnt very busy yesterday. i dont know why i failed to make the phone call to the court yesterday. and i still need to make a couple more phone calls. now im wondering what surpsrise im going to get.
also i just committed to stuff that exposes me to considerably heavy responsibility. my timing couldnt have been better. of all the months, i chose august to take responsibilities where there's a big chance of me screwing things up. im not thinking that im going to screw it up because im trying to actually do it properly. the thing is, i wont be surprised if i screw it up despite the efforts ive made. i would also like to blame august why i ended up taking the responsibilities in the first place because it was offered this month but i had a choice. whether its good or bad still remains to be seen. although, its leaning towards "bad" already. or its just the way i see it.
there are a couple of minor unfortunate stuff that happened today. nothing peculiar like the two incidents above. just small irritating and annoying crap which are avoidable or could have been prevented but i wasnt able to, and if added all together makes today, a bad day. not a really bad day but i guess when august kicks in, im subjected to the ordinary forces of luck that a common person encounters in his or her daily life. either im just used to be being lucky and august just takes away what comes naturally, or im just convincing myself that what im experiencing right now is what most people deal with in their daily life and i only deal with it once in a year within one full month. either way, things arent going well for me.
and i hope my theory is incorrect that my unfortunate month is divided into weeks, two weeks in august and two weeks in october. because there was a time when only half of august was bad. and the worst half came in october. anyway, it doesnt look that way since even if august is halfway over, it appears to me that things are bound to get harder in the next two weeks. not a hunch. its based from stuff that are happening now. if my supervising lawyer's joke has some grain of truth in it, that i have the gift of foresight (which was mentioned in an entirely different context, im just relating it to this entry), then im going to be exposed to extremely stressful shit in the next two weeks.
and my head is aching right now, and for some reason i have a clogged nose even if i dont have a cold. its not the kind of clogged nose you have when one has a cold. i hope its just some temporary thing or some allergic reaction. because if it means im going to be sick, and i cant afford to be sick in the next few weeks, then i dont want to imagine how things could possibly be worse.
Wednesday, August 06, 2008
right on schedule
it never fails. only in august. not really. most likely to happen in august.
the day started a little well. went to the QC RTC to file some manifestations. nothing bad happened. then went to the UP Post Office to mail another manifestation. again, nothing bad happened there. well, except for the fact that i had to spend for the postage fees. but there isnt anything peculiar with that. after the post office, i then rode a jeep to go to SM North so i could ride a bus to Monumento. thats when it started to rain. well, it is the rainy season, so its something expected. so when i reached philcoa, it was raining. when i rode the bus to Monumento, it was raining. when i walked from Monumento to 10th Avenue, it was raining. when i rode a jeep to go to the Caloocan judicial courts, it was still raining. when i reached the judicial courts, thats when the rain stopped, minutes before i was about to enter the building. how nice. again, it happens, so nothing to complain about. things went well in the Caloocan MTC. i was able to photocopy the things i needed and the people there were really friendly. so i then started to head back and go to Marikina. when i reached Monumento (after walking all the way from 10th avenue), the sole of my left shoe got detached. it was 90% detached so i really couldnt use my left shoe. fortunately, the cigarette vendor was nice enough to get me some slippers which she sold for P30 (while waiting for the cigarette vendor to come back, a woman fell prey to "snatching" who lost an earring or pair of earrings). so i bought it and then looked for a shoe repair guy. i found one and i had to wait for an hour. so i wasted an hour fucking around, because what else can i do? i cant go anywhere. sure i have slippers, so what? i was already heading to Marikina. and by this time, i was already tired. ive done a lot of walking already, most of it under the rain. and my umbrella isnt in good condition either. when i got my shoe back, it was almost 3pm so i doubt i will make it to Marikina in time. so i just headed back to school and study. since i was so drained and tired, i just ended up sleeping in the library. i woke up from time to time to read a little but i was just so fucking drained. around 630pm, had a meeting with groupmates. finally, something productive. around 9pm, had another meeting with another set of blockmates. really tiring day. around quarter to 10, had dinner with some of my blockmates. and probably half an hour later, went home walking. because im forcing myself to start walking home again to save some money and to at least get some exercise. thats when the 5min rain started pouring. how nice. it rains when im walking outside. it was short but strong enough to get my socks wet. well, because it quickly created puddles on the road and my shoes arent exactly water resistant. and i have a long walk to go. so even when the rain stopped already, my socks were wet already. damage has been done. at least nothing bad happened after that. maybe tomorrow. and i still have more than 3 full weeks left to endure.
thats the thing. its just a bunch of little unfortunate stuff when taken together becomes really burdensome. well, it usually does rain when im outdoors so i guess the only bad thing that happened was the shoe incident which caused delay which prevented me to do things as planned which could have fucked up consequences in the following days.
the day started a little well. went to the QC RTC to file some manifestations. nothing bad happened. then went to the UP Post Office to mail another manifestation. again, nothing bad happened there. well, except for the fact that i had to spend for the postage fees. but there isnt anything peculiar with that. after the post office, i then rode a jeep to go to SM North so i could ride a bus to Monumento. thats when it started to rain. well, it is the rainy season, so its something expected. so when i reached philcoa, it was raining. when i rode the bus to Monumento, it was raining. when i walked from Monumento to 10th Avenue, it was raining. when i rode a jeep to go to the Caloocan judicial courts, it was still raining. when i reached the judicial courts, thats when the rain stopped, minutes before i was about to enter the building. how nice. again, it happens, so nothing to complain about. things went well in the Caloocan MTC. i was able to photocopy the things i needed and the people there were really friendly. so i then started to head back and go to Marikina. when i reached Monumento (after walking all the way from 10th avenue), the sole of my left shoe got detached. it was 90% detached so i really couldnt use my left shoe. fortunately, the cigarette vendor was nice enough to get me some slippers which she sold for P30 (while waiting for the cigarette vendor to come back, a woman fell prey to "snatching" who lost an earring or pair of earrings). so i bought it and then looked for a shoe repair guy. i found one and i had to wait for an hour. so i wasted an hour fucking around, because what else can i do? i cant go anywhere. sure i have slippers, so what? i was already heading to Marikina. and by this time, i was already tired. ive done a lot of walking already, most of it under the rain. and my umbrella isnt in good condition either. when i got my shoe back, it was almost 3pm so i doubt i will make it to Marikina in time. so i just headed back to school and study. since i was so drained and tired, i just ended up sleeping in the library. i woke up from time to time to read a little but i was just so fucking drained. around 630pm, had a meeting with groupmates. finally, something productive. around 9pm, had another meeting with another set of blockmates. really tiring day. around quarter to 10, had dinner with some of my blockmates. and probably half an hour later, went home walking. because im forcing myself to start walking home again to save some money and to at least get some exercise. thats when the 5min rain started pouring. how nice. it rains when im walking outside. it was short but strong enough to get my socks wet. well, because it quickly created puddles on the road and my shoes arent exactly water resistant. and i have a long walk to go. so even when the rain stopped already, my socks were wet already. damage has been done. at least nothing bad happened after that. maybe tomorrow. and i still have more than 3 full weeks left to endure.
thats the thing. its just a bunch of little unfortunate stuff when taken together becomes really burdensome. well, it usually does rain when im outdoors so i guess the only bad thing that happened was the shoe incident which caused delay which prevented me to do things as planned which could have fucked up consequences in the following days.
Thursday, July 31, 2008
interesting
Sagittarius Personality Profile:
You are warm, spontaneous, emotional, and magnetic. Your smile is infectious. You love to have fun, yet you have a deeper side to you. Moodiness is something you struggle with from time to time. You are not the most consistent person around, as you tend to feel your way through life, and your emotions are up and down. You are very perceptive, at times complex, and generally quite contradictory! You are a compassionate person. Others may find it hard to assign you traits, simply because you can be brave and adventurous one day, and withdrawn the next.
Impulsive - Scattered - Friendly
Fixed Star(s) Near Your Sun:
This fixed star has a Saturn-Venus influence, and suggests blind good-heartedness, a nature that is easily seduced, some self-destructive traits, and loyalty.
Your progressed Sun enters Capricorn at age 23. The ages of 22to 24 mark a critical turning point in the development of your personality. You become more practical, mindful, and concerned about your personal security. You are a self-starter, and you become more shrewd and focused on your goals.
Your progressed Sun enters Aquarius at age 53. The ages of 52 to 54 mark a critical turning point in the development of your personality. After some sort of crisis of consciousness, and perhaps elimination of circumstances that have been limiting your growth, you become more humanitarian, somewhat detached, and independent. Some may become self-righteous and fixed during this phase, while others learn to detach themselves from situations and loosen up. You kick up your heels and enjoy life with a certain level of detachment and confidence that you hadn't discovered before this time.
"Intelligent. Innovative and inventive mind; yet also tactful, diplomatic, and cordial.
Successful in business pursuits, academic circles, or group projects. Humanistic and
humanitarian."
Numerology
You were born on the 28th day of the month, which reduces to a 1. You don't turn to others for advice or help very readily, simply because you find much satisfaction doing things on your own. Factoring in the 11th month of November, you are a number 3, suggesting that you are sociable, fun-loving, and warm-hearted. You have an infectious sense of humor. Factoring in your birth year gives you your Birth Path Number—a highly personal number for you. Find out how to determine this number here.
Most Favorable Days of the Month are 1, 10, 19, 28, especially when these days (of any month) fall on a Sunday or Monday; and/or when the Sun is in Cancer or Leo. Second-choice favorable days of the month are 2, 11, 20, 29. The best colors for you are all shades of yellows and oranges. You might want to wear ruby gems next to your skin. Properties associated with ruby are power, wealth, attraction, and dynamism.
You Are Drawn to People Born on...
Easy, subtle attraction and harmony: You don't feel an irresistible pull towards each other, but over time, appreciate the peace you have between you. These people are good for you, although they might not challenge you to grow (January 24-31, March 22-April 1, July 22-August 1, September 24-October 3)
On-again, off-again attraction. This is a complex connection, and you make an odd yet interested couple (April 24-28, June 24-28, October 27-31, December 27-31)
A mysterious attraction that can be very romantic...or completely platonic! This is a spiritual connection that has a magical quality to it. (January 16-20, March 9-13, August 11-15, October 4-8)
Opposites attract. Push me, pull me. You could complement each other well if you allow yourselves to learn from each other, or you could actively war against each other. (May 22-June 1)
Attraction of the soul; challenging, intense, rich, and binding. (January 6-10, October 16-20)
Powerful, tumultuous attraction--you are aware of the distinct differences between you, but may be drawn to each other because of the simultaneous awareness of a need and a lack. Either the relationship is ongoing and obviously tumultuous and of a "love-hate" nature, or it flows well until it breaks unexpectedly. (January 11-15, February 21-March 3, April 9-13, July 10-14, August 22-September 1, October 11-15, November 23-December 3)
Creative, communicative, inspiring, and spiritually rewarding connections. (February 6-10, April 18-22, June 30-July 4, September 13-18)
What's in the Cards...
The card associated with your birthday is the Five of Hearts. You are emotionally impulsive and somewhat moody. You feel your way through life, and your emotional radar is superb. Your love card is the Three of Spades. You do whatever you can to make your partner happy, although you may struggle with some indecisiveness in the love department, as well as insecurity.
(from: http://www.cafeastrology.com/birthday/bornnovember28.html)
You are warm, spontaneous, emotional, and magnetic. Your smile is infectious. You love to have fun, yet you have a deeper side to you. Moodiness is something you struggle with from time to time. You are not the most consistent person around, as you tend to feel your way through life, and your emotions are up and down. You are very perceptive, at times complex, and generally quite contradictory! You are a compassionate person. Others may find it hard to assign you traits, simply because you can be brave and adventurous one day, and withdrawn the next.
Impulsive - Scattered - Friendly
Fixed Star(s) Near Your Sun:
This fixed star has a Saturn-Venus influence, and suggests blind good-heartedness, a nature that is easily seduced, some self-destructive traits, and loyalty.
Your progressed Sun enters Capricorn at age 23. The ages of 22to 24 mark a critical turning point in the development of your personality. You become more practical, mindful, and concerned about your personal security. You are a self-starter, and you become more shrewd and focused on your goals.
Your progressed Sun enters Aquarius at age 53. The ages of 52 to 54 mark a critical turning point in the development of your personality. After some sort of crisis of consciousness, and perhaps elimination of circumstances that have been limiting your growth, you become more humanitarian, somewhat detached, and independent. Some may become self-righteous and fixed during this phase, while others learn to detach themselves from situations and loosen up. You kick up your heels and enjoy life with a certain level of detachment and confidence that you hadn't discovered before this time.
"Intelligent. Innovative and inventive mind; yet also tactful, diplomatic, and cordial.
Successful in business pursuits, academic circles, or group projects. Humanistic and
humanitarian."
Numerology
You were born on the 28th day of the month, which reduces to a 1. You don't turn to others for advice or help very readily, simply because you find much satisfaction doing things on your own. Factoring in the 11th month of November, you are a number 3, suggesting that you are sociable, fun-loving, and warm-hearted. You have an infectious sense of humor. Factoring in your birth year gives you your Birth Path Number—a highly personal number for you. Find out how to determine this number here.
Most Favorable Days of the Month are 1, 10, 19, 28, especially when these days (of any month) fall on a Sunday or Monday; and/or when the Sun is in Cancer or Leo. Second-choice favorable days of the month are 2, 11, 20, 29. The best colors for you are all shades of yellows and oranges. You might want to wear ruby gems next to your skin. Properties associated with ruby are power, wealth, attraction, and dynamism.
You Are Drawn to People Born on...
Easy, subtle attraction and harmony: You don't feel an irresistible pull towards each other, but over time, appreciate the peace you have between you. These people are good for you, although they might not challenge you to grow (January 24-31, March 22-April 1, July 22-August 1, September 24-October 3)
On-again, off-again attraction. This is a complex connection, and you make an odd yet interested couple (April 24-28, June 24-28, October 27-31, December 27-31)
A mysterious attraction that can be very romantic...or completely platonic! This is a spiritual connection that has a magical quality to it. (January 16-20, March 9-13, August 11-15, October 4-8)
Opposites attract. Push me, pull me. You could complement each other well if you allow yourselves to learn from each other, or you could actively war against each other. (May 22-June 1)
Attraction of the soul; challenging, intense, rich, and binding. (January 6-10, October 16-20)
Powerful, tumultuous attraction--you are aware of the distinct differences between you, but may be drawn to each other because of the simultaneous awareness of a need and a lack. Either the relationship is ongoing and obviously tumultuous and of a "love-hate" nature, or it flows well until it breaks unexpectedly. (January 11-15, February 21-March 3, April 9-13, July 10-14, August 22-September 1, October 11-15, November 23-December 3)
Creative, communicative, inspiring, and spiritually rewarding connections. (February 6-10, April 18-22, June 30-July 4, September 13-18)
What's in the Cards...
The card associated with your birthday is the Five of Hearts. You are emotionally impulsive and somewhat moody. You feel your way through life, and your emotional radar is superb. Your love card is the Three of Spades. You do whatever you can to make your partner happy, although you may struggle with some indecisiveness in the love department, as well as insecurity.
(from: http://www.cafeastrology.com/birthday/bornnovember28.html)
Saturday, July 26, 2008
weird coincidence
i never heard the story below until this friday morning, july 25, when i attended the Breathe Well Initiative organization launch. its an organization which seeks to "provide information- -through creative and unconventional means--to enable the public to form an informed and rational decision about smoking"(for more details, check out their multiply site: http://breathewell.multiply.com/).
the weird coincidence is, i received an email on the same day from a different person which contains the story i just heard earlier. its substantially the same. its the same story only that there were different minor details, but its still the same. i just found it weird because ive never heard the story my entire life and then i get to hear and read it on the same day from different sources.
the story im talking about is reposted below:
THE STARFISH
Once upon a time there was a wise man who used to go to the ocean to do his writing. He had a habit of walking on the beach before he began his work. One day he was walking along the shore. As he looked down the beach, he saw a human figure moving like a dancer. He smiled to himself to think of someone who would dance to the day. So he began to walk faster to catch up.
As he got closer, he saw that it was a young man and the young man wasn't dancing, but instead he was reaching down to the shore, picking up something and very gently throwing it into the ocean.
As he got closer he called out, "Good morning! What are you doing?"
The young man paused, looked up and replied, "Throwing starfish in the ocean." "I guess I should have asked, why are you throwing starfish in the ocean?" "The sun is up, and the tide is going out, and if I don't throw them in they'll die." "But, young man, don't you realize that there are miles and miles of beach, and starfish all along it. You can't possibly make a difference!"
The young man listened politely. Then bent down, picked up another starfish and threw it into the sea, past the breaking waves and said, "It made a difference for that one."
There is something very special in each and every one of us. We have all been gifted with the ability to make a difference, and if we can become aware of that gift, we gain through the strength of our visions the power to shape the future.
We must each find our starfish. And if we throw our stars wisely and well, the world will be blessed.
the weird coincidence is, i received an email on the same day from a different person which contains the story i just heard earlier. its substantially the same. its the same story only that there were different minor details, but its still the same. i just found it weird because ive never heard the story my entire life and then i get to hear and read it on the same day from different sources.
the story im talking about is reposted below:
THE STARFISH
Once upon a time there was a wise man who used to go to the ocean to do his writing. He had a habit of walking on the beach before he began his work. One day he was walking along the shore. As he looked down the beach, he saw a human figure moving like a dancer. He smiled to himself to think of someone who would dance to the day. So he began to walk faster to catch up.
As he got closer, he saw that it was a young man and the young man wasn't dancing, but instead he was reaching down to the shore, picking up something and very gently throwing it into the ocean.
As he got closer he called out, "Good morning! What are you doing?"
The young man paused, looked up and replied, "Throwing starfish in the ocean." "I guess I should have asked, why are you throwing starfish in the ocean?" "The sun is up, and the tide is going out, and if I don't throw them in they'll die." "But, young man, don't you realize that there are miles and miles of beach, and starfish all along it. You can't possibly make a difference!"
The young man listened politely. Then bent down, picked up another starfish and threw it into the sea, past the breaking waves and said, "It made a difference for that one."
There is something very special in each and every one of us. We have all been gifted with the ability to make a difference, and if we can become aware of that gift, we gain through the strength of our visions the power to shape the future.
We must each find our starfish. And if we throw our stars wisely and well, the world will be blessed.
Friday, July 25, 2008
in this lifetime
one fact a person must accept in life is that some things in life are bound to be lost. some bonds will be broken. friendships and precious memories forgotten. its not inevitable but this is an accepted reality. why? because its difficult to have it otherwise. and its difficult because of two factors: time and the mortal nature of man.
this reality of life or maybe life itself needs to adjust to the unbreakable force of time. well, time at the moment is unbreakable since it cannot be reversed except in theory. while our current reality lacks the capability to reverse time, time will dictate the course of things, with it, the life of every living thing, including the planet's life force. and im going out of focus. going back, due to this reality, our lives needs to adjust so as to not be left behind by time. and we need to adjust further because of our limited capacity to exist. in short, we dont have much time and time isnt willing to give us more than what we are capable of acquiring. meaning, aside from being forced to walk beside the dictated course of time, we also need to learn how to maximize its use because time doesnt care if we can keep up with its pace or not.
that is why it has become a reality for us to accept that things will be lost in our lifetime. because as much as we try to hold on to things, time will just keep moving forward, and the more we lag behind, the more difficult it is for us to get back on track. people who hold on to things too much get stuck. from the viewpoint of the rest of the population, they are immobile. they are paralyzed. some would try to help them to get out of that situation, others will keep moving forward. thats why i said its not inevitable. something can be done actually. its a matter of what you choose to do. but again, most people choose to move forward, hence, the creation of the reality we now accept. and when i say reality, i mean the popular choice that has become a social norm. this is the kind of reality im talking about.
its like our life can be divided into a number of overlapping loveable sitcoms (or tragedies or dramas or a mix of all or some, depending on the kind of life you have. but since were talking about bonds/friendships and things people hold dear, a sitcom is the appropriate one to use). some sitcoms may run for as short as one season, maybe even less and some as long as a decade, maybe longer. to the sitcoms that have ended, some people try to have those one-night only reunions where the cast try to have one last show (i would like to make use of the Eraserheads as example but, although its been confirmed, it hasnt really happened yet and its not a sitcom). and for some, this is enough for them so they can move on. its like a closure for them. they're happy that they had a one last run because in reality, the sitcom's last episode isnt scheduled. it just happens.some are aware of it, some are not.
unfortunately, there are those who cant accept this reality of losing bonds/friendships, of having a "last episode". they would insist on having another run, another reunion or any other way just to keep things the way they were. its sad enough that we have to accept this form of loss but its sadder to see those who cannot accept it. because they're trying to hold on to something precious to them, maybe the only thing that matters in their lives or probably means everything to them, yet time will never wait, life will not stop and the reality is not in their favor. they are not wrong to do this, to keep on holding on to what they believe is of paramount importance. but its not matter of whether its right or wrong. its a matter of acknowledging the unyielding strength of time coupled with the harshness of reality and life. one can go against it because it can be done, its not impossible to continue holding on to things. but it means wasting time and wasting one's life simply because the reality we have now isnt about holding on to things, its about keeping up with the pace of time and just keep moving forward because our time in this world is limited. its our tendency to maximize the use of the little time we have. we try to explore as much as we can, experience all that can be possibly be experienced. holding on to things is limiting our exposure to what this lifetime can offer. and simply, thats just not our "reality". it may be pitiful to see people who cannot accept this reality but you cant blame them for trying to go against the reality we have. its their choice, the same way other people made their choice of moving on and making sure they keep up with time.
this reality of life or maybe life itself needs to adjust to the unbreakable force of time. well, time at the moment is unbreakable since it cannot be reversed except in theory. while our current reality lacks the capability to reverse time, time will dictate the course of things, with it, the life of every living thing, including the planet's life force. and im going out of focus. going back, due to this reality, our lives needs to adjust so as to not be left behind by time. and we need to adjust further because of our limited capacity to exist. in short, we dont have much time and time isnt willing to give us more than what we are capable of acquiring. meaning, aside from being forced to walk beside the dictated course of time, we also need to learn how to maximize its use because time doesnt care if we can keep up with its pace or not.
that is why it has become a reality for us to accept that things will be lost in our lifetime. because as much as we try to hold on to things, time will just keep moving forward, and the more we lag behind, the more difficult it is for us to get back on track. people who hold on to things too much get stuck. from the viewpoint of the rest of the population, they are immobile. they are paralyzed. some would try to help them to get out of that situation, others will keep moving forward. thats why i said its not inevitable. something can be done actually. its a matter of what you choose to do. but again, most people choose to move forward, hence, the creation of the reality we now accept. and when i say reality, i mean the popular choice that has become a social norm. this is the kind of reality im talking about.
its like our life can be divided into a number of overlapping loveable sitcoms (or tragedies or dramas or a mix of all or some, depending on the kind of life you have. but since were talking about bonds/friendships and things people hold dear, a sitcom is the appropriate one to use). some sitcoms may run for as short as one season, maybe even less and some as long as a decade, maybe longer. to the sitcoms that have ended, some people try to have those one-night only reunions where the cast try to have one last show (i would like to make use of the Eraserheads as example but, although its been confirmed, it hasnt really happened yet and its not a sitcom). and for some, this is enough for them so they can move on. its like a closure for them. they're happy that they had a one last run because in reality, the sitcom's last episode isnt scheduled. it just happens.some are aware of it, some are not.
unfortunately, there are those who cant accept this reality of losing bonds/friendships, of having a "last episode". they would insist on having another run, another reunion or any other way just to keep things the way they were. its sad enough that we have to accept this form of loss but its sadder to see those who cannot accept it. because they're trying to hold on to something precious to them, maybe the only thing that matters in their lives or probably means everything to them, yet time will never wait, life will not stop and the reality is not in their favor. they are not wrong to do this, to keep on holding on to what they believe is of paramount importance. but its not matter of whether its right or wrong. its a matter of acknowledging the unyielding strength of time coupled with the harshness of reality and life. one can go against it because it can be done, its not impossible to continue holding on to things. but it means wasting time and wasting one's life simply because the reality we have now isnt about holding on to things, its about keeping up with the pace of time and just keep moving forward because our time in this world is limited. its our tendency to maximize the use of the little time we have. we try to explore as much as we can, experience all that can be possibly be experienced. holding on to things is limiting our exposure to what this lifetime can offer. and simply, thats just not our "reality". it may be pitiful to see people who cannot accept this reality but you cant blame them for trying to go against the reality we have. its their choice, the same way other people made their choice of moving on and making sure they keep up with time.
Monday, July 21, 2008
Why... so... serious?
Harvey Dent said in TDK that "the night is darkest just before the dawn" and it made the movie good because they were able to depict this quote very well. the chaos and anarchy really reflected the "darkness" Gotham was under. and the Joker as the promoter of this chaos and anarchy is a magnificent villain. as Alfred said, "Some men aren't looking for anything logical. They can't be bought, bullied, reasoned or negotiated with. Some men just want to watch the world burn." so, what do you do when you face a man like the joker who is beyond reason but not necessarily insane? and when the dawn comes, does it mean everything will be alright? there's no definite solution/answer for the former except, as Alfred said, "Endure!" and as for the latter, i think Joker answered this when he said "You've changed things... forever. There's no going back."
The Joker appears to be the one in full control of chaotic situation and the only thing Batman can do is endure even if when the "dawn" comes, things will never be same as they were before. and maybe thats why the movie is named TDK because of the difficult nature of the role batman had to play despite its very villain-centered/Joker-centered theme. but even if what used to be an "immovable object" known as Batman had the difficult task of choosing to confront an "unstoppable force" in the person of the Joker, whatever the costs, making TDK a great being, i still think the Joker is more brilliant for trying to create an "organized chaos" by trying to manipulate human reason by corrupting their minds and tinkering with their emotions. the only reason why the Joker failed is because when one deals with human emotion, you deal with the irrational. the Joker can only exercise control over the irrational as long as the rational side exerts some influence over it. the moment reason loses its power over human emotions, not even a criminal mastermind like the Joker can predict human actions under this state of mind or being. so, things will be left to chance, which makes Two-Face a bit relevant. because when unpredictability enters the picture, you then try to make use of probabilities to gain some control (or an impression of control). it then boils down whether the odds are against you or not. so now that i think about it, Batman didnt really stop the Joker, its human unpredictability due to power of the human emotion exhibited in the "blow up the other boat" scene.
so, in order to appreciate Batman's character, you have to look at the movie as whole which reflects TDK's state of mind. and its easier to appreciate and enjoy the villains because they are the ones that induce such state of mind.
The Joker appears to be the one in full control of chaotic situation and the only thing Batman can do is endure even if when the "dawn" comes, things will never be same as they were before. and maybe thats why the movie is named TDK because of the difficult nature of the role batman had to play despite its very villain-centered/Joker-centered theme. but even if what used to be an "immovable object" known as Batman had the difficult task of choosing to confront an "unstoppable force" in the person of the Joker, whatever the costs, making TDK a great being, i still think the Joker is more brilliant for trying to create an "organized chaos" by trying to manipulate human reason by corrupting their minds and tinkering with their emotions. the only reason why the Joker failed is because when one deals with human emotion, you deal with the irrational. the Joker can only exercise control over the irrational as long as the rational side exerts some influence over it. the moment reason loses its power over human emotions, not even a criminal mastermind like the Joker can predict human actions under this state of mind or being. so, things will be left to chance, which makes Two-Face a bit relevant. because when unpredictability enters the picture, you then try to make use of probabilities to gain some control (or an impression of control). it then boils down whether the odds are against you or not. so now that i think about it, Batman didnt really stop the Joker, its human unpredictability due to power of the human emotion exhibited in the "blow up the other boat" scene.
so, in order to appreciate Batman's character, you have to look at the movie as whole which reflects TDK's state of mind. and its easier to appreciate and enjoy the villains because they are the ones that induce such state of mind.
Sunday, July 20, 2008
Some men just want to watch the world burn
The Dark Knight didn’t quite meet my expectations. I’m reluctant to say it’s great because it is great but not because of the Dark Knight. It’s great because of the Joker. TDK reminds me of Lemony Snicket's Series of Unfortunate Events where Count Olaf is much more interesting than the protagonists. In TDK, the Joker is the captivating character. That’s also the reason why i would want to watch TDK again. maybe the reason why I’m disappointed with Batman's character is because there's really nothing new about the character except that this time, he has bigger challenges. Isn’t that the way superhero movie sequels should be? so what more could be expected from the Batman? anyway, the movie focused more on the villains which isnt bad actually. But i was already expecting that the villains were interesting because of the months of promotions. i guess i was expecting to see more than what the promotions already introduced. or maybe i just didnt see the "greatness" of the Batman. its clear on the choices he had to make. thats what made him great. but I’m referring more on the style he fights crime. i was expecting to be impressed on how he does it (“the shiznit!” factor). well, what I’m sure of is that the Joker character was brilliant. It was impressively portrayed. too bad Ledger's gone.
as a whole, TDK is really good. but my problem is, my expectations were raised because of the months of promotions and thats why im a bit disappointed (and I really have the tendency to have very high expectations). i knew the Joker was going to be interesting and sure enough, he was. but i was also expecting the Batman to be better. i was probably expecting that TDK's promotions havent shown the best the movie had to offer. the same way with the Transformers movie. thats what made Transformers really good. you get to see something you werent expecting because it was promoted well enough that the movie itself can still exceed the expectations created by the promotions. there lies the difference between the two movies. the Transformers was promoted very carefully, making sure that it arouses the people's interest in the movie yet making sure that they don’t disclose the best parts of the movie. as for TDK, it was promoted so well that it made itself a highly anticipated movie but the promotional materials made use of the best parts of the movie that there isnt much to expect anymore. or maybe its just me. and since i just compared it with the Transformers movie, im really referring to visually stimulating scenes. as for the other parts of the TDK, i really dont have problems with it.
sort of spoilers: the plot was good. its also as realistic as it can possibly be (except the part where the batmobile/tank broke down. that made me wonder. why did it sustain that much damage? Did I miss something?). the batman's fight scenes werent impressive (i still think The Incredible Hulk's fight scenes were the best fight scenes ive seen this year. Edward Norton was a good choice for mild-mannered Bruce Banner (Keisie was right) and i still think Nicholas Cage isnt Ghost Rider material). For me, it lacks “mind-blowing” scenes. Also, there weren’t much gadgets (i dont remember him making use of his ever reliable "utility belt" but then again, it might be a better to ditch the "utility belt" idea). the batman's voice was weird at first but you get used to it as the movie progresses. the ending is good, i really liked the way they did it. putting Two-Face in the movie dont come across as if they were forcing an additional character nor was the character underdeveloped. the story's really good for a two villain movie. i also liked the way they portrayed the Joker as the Batman's biggest challenge. but that's what makes it problematic for me. in order for the Joker to be the Batman's biggest challenge, he has to be as menacing, threatening and demented as he can possibly be (just the way i like my villains). thats what makes the Joker very interesting. too interesting that the Batman looks like a secondary character. the Joker is the star of the movie. TDK is also a break from the usual superhero story where the villain poses a challenge to the hero but youre still very sure the hero is going to win in the end. You just wonder how he or she will do it. In TDK, its not as simple as the ordinary "hero wins, villains lose" kind of ending. the Batman didnt really defeat the Joker now that i think about it. the Batman just stopped him. With the damage done by the Joker, to Gotham City, its citizens, to Harvey Dent and Rachel Dawes and to the Batman, I think Batman didn’t really “win”. That’s why i said i liked the way they ended it. it also didnt look like it was aiming for a third installment of the reinvented Batman franchise (like the way The Incredible Hulk ended where it gave the impression that the ending is open to the possibility of a sequel depending on how well the movie fares).
It’s still much better than Batman Begins and the best of all the Batman movies. Its more than just another comic book superhero movie. I won’t even say it’s an action movie because, again, its more than that. probably the problem i have with it is that it lacks the action part (huh?). i mean, it could go beyond being just another action movie (which it did) but it doesnt mean it need not have mind-blowing fight scenes or bloody fist fights or gruesome whatever. or maybe im asking too much. and probably thats why i didnt find the Batman character impressive. or maybe he is. only that the Joker is much more impressive. I guess I’m just expecting too much and my idea of a “perfect” movie is unreasonable or maybe im looking for more action. thats also my problem with Iron Man. although Incredible Hulk had better fight scenes, i liked the Iron Man more. between TDK and IronMan, i would go for the TDK if i were to judge it in its entirety. so, in the end, TDK is the best movie ive seen this year. im just being unreasonable for expecting more.
as a whole, TDK is really good. but my problem is, my expectations were raised because of the months of promotions and thats why im a bit disappointed (and I really have the tendency to have very high expectations). i knew the Joker was going to be interesting and sure enough, he was. but i was also expecting the Batman to be better. i was probably expecting that TDK's promotions havent shown the best the movie had to offer. the same way with the Transformers movie. thats what made Transformers really good. you get to see something you werent expecting because it was promoted well enough that the movie itself can still exceed the expectations created by the promotions. there lies the difference between the two movies. the Transformers was promoted very carefully, making sure that it arouses the people's interest in the movie yet making sure that they don’t disclose the best parts of the movie. as for TDK, it was promoted so well that it made itself a highly anticipated movie but the promotional materials made use of the best parts of the movie that there isnt much to expect anymore. or maybe its just me. and since i just compared it with the Transformers movie, im really referring to visually stimulating scenes. as for the other parts of the TDK, i really dont have problems with it.
sort of spoilers: the plot was good. its also as realistic as it can possibly be (except the part where the batmobile/tank broke down. that made me wonder. why did it sustain that much damage? Did I miss something?). the batman's fight scenes werent impressive (i still think The Incredible Hulk's fight scenes were the best fight scenes ive seen this year. Edward Norton was a good choice for mild-mannered Bruce Banner (Keisie was right) and i still think Nicholas Cage isnt Ghost Rider material). For me, it lacks “mind-blowing” scenes. Also, there weren’t much gadgets (i dont remember him making use of his ever reliable "utility belt" but then again, it might be a better to ditch the "utility belt" idea). the batman's voice was weird at first but you get used to it as the movie progresses. the ending is good, i really liked the way they did it. putting Two-Face in the movie dont come across as if they were forcing an additional character nor was the character underdeveloped. the story's really good for a two villain movie. i also liked the way they portrayed the Joker as the Batman's biggest challenge. but that's what makes it problematic for me. in order for the Joker to be the Batman's biggest challenge, he has to be as menacing, threatening and demented as he can possibly be (just the way i like my villains). thats what makes the Joker very interesting. too interesting that the Batman looks like a secondary character. the Joker is the star of the movie. TDK is also a break from the usual superhero story where the villain poses a challenge to the hero but youre still very sure the hero is going to win in the end. You just wonder how he or she will do it. In TDK, its not as simple as the ordinary "hero wins, villains lose" kind of ending. the Batman didnt really defeat the Joker now that i think about it. the Batman just stopped him. With the damage done by the Joker, to Gotham City, its citizens, to Harvey Dent and Rachel Dawes and to the Batman, I think Batman didn’t really “win”. That’s why i said i liked the way they ended it. it also didnt look like it was aiming for a third installment of the reinvented Batman franchise (like the way The Incredible Hulk ended where it gave the impression that the ending is open to the possibility of a sequel depending on how well the movie fares).
It’s still much better than Batman Begins and the best of all the Batman movies. Its more than just another comic book superhero movie. I won’t even say it’s an action movie because, again, its more than that. probably the problem i have with it is that it lacks the action part (huh?). i mean, it could go beyond being just another action movie (which it did) but it doesnt mean it need not have mind-blowing fight scenes or bloody fist fights or gruesome whatever. or maybe im asking too much. and probably thats why i didnt find the Batman character impressive. or maybe he is. only that the Joker is much more impressive. I guess I’m just expecting too much and my idea of a “perfect” movie is unreasonable or maybe im looking for more action. thats also my problem with Iron Man. although Incredible Hulk had better fight scenes, i liked the Iron Man more. between TDK and IronMan, i would go for the TDK if i were to judge it in its entirety. so, in the end, TDK is the best movie ive seen this year. im just being unreasonable for expecting more.
Thursday, July 17, 2008
the power of love
to do what cant be done
to sing what cant be sung
to learn to play the game
to make the things that cant be made
to save those who cant be saved
to learn how to be in time
to know what isnt known
to see what isnt shown
to be where youre meant to be
all you need is love to do the abovementioned things, among others. but why? because for some, this is what makes someone truly human. to exceed the limitations of the human intellect. to do what cant be understood but only felt. to make what cannot be taught but can only be experienced. to have love within oneself is to be overwhelmed by a supremely beautiful emotion and be intoxicated by a personal and profound sense of being which the human intellect cant possibly give. love is way beyond human comprehension. this is why it seems that it is the human tendency to acquire love.
the question is, is it meant for everybody? is everyone capable of truly acquiring love in the proper sense. because although love is beyond human comprehension, it is still determinable or identifiable. you still need a little bit of intellect to recognize what love is. and little more of this human intellect to confirm it is love in its truest form and not just a shoddy emotion trying to pass itself as love. i think most people are deceived by this inferior emotion. or do not fully understand or are not truly capable of handling love. love is a powerful creature and despite its beauty, its also capable of destroying those who are not prepared to have it. love is not only about the euphoria it brings because it can also inflict a tremendous and also overwhelming amount of pain. for some, the pain is unimaginable, even unbearable. to seek love is to prepare to wrest control over its beautiful side and its dark side.
to love is to do something that is highly personal and cannot be passed to another person. it is doubtful it can be learned but i think it can be understood to at least obtain some form of control over it. much as people want not to control love so as to not to limit its power, i think control over it is a necessity. something as powerful as love should not be allowed to just take over oneself and let go of everything else. and if im not mistaken, no human has achieved the level of being an epitome of love. it seems to me that its impossible to allow love to take over and not be destroyed by it. maybe because its humanly impossible to contain love in a mortal physical being in a very loose manner, not influenced by human intellect. love in this case resembles the behavior of cancer cells. it will slowly destroy you from within if you dont try to exercise some form of control over it. to let go of the human intellect and refuse to limit the love contained within is like to abandon reason and dwell in realm of the irrational. this is the best way to lose yourself and most likely never come back. to live in a constant state of internal chaos and not realize it. to be lost in a destructive delusion and be ignorant of its harmful effects.
i just stated what seems to me is something obvious. but then again, humans have the tendency to forget or miss the obvious. they gamble anyway and seek love and acquire it without preparing for what it can bring into one's life. they indulge in it, sometimes without any inkling of the consequences. my point is, love is not for the ignorant. even if most people want to have love in their lives, it will destroy those who are weak and unprepared, meaning those who are not worthy to have it. love can only be enjoyed by those who deserve it.
to sing what cant be sung
to learn to play the game
to make the things that cant be made
to save those who cant be saved
to learn how to be in time
to know what isnt known
to see what isnt shown
to be where youre meant to be
all you need is love to do the abovementioned things, among others. but why? because for some, this is what makes someone truly human. to exceed the limitations of the human intellect. to do what cant be understood but only felt. to make what cannot be taught but can only be experienced. to have love within oneself is to be overwhelmed by a supremely beautiful emotion and be intoxicated by a personal and profound sense of being which the human intellect cant possibly give. love is way beyond human comprehension. this is why it seems that it is the human tendency to acquire love.
the question is, is it meant for everybody? is everyone capable of truly acquiring love in the proper sense. because although love is beyond human comprehension, it is still determinable or identifiable. you still need a little bit of intellect to recognize what love is. and little more of this human intellect to confirm it is love in its truest form and not just a shoddy emotion trying to pass itself as love. i think most people are deceived by this inferior emotion. or do not fully understand or are not truly capable of handling love. love is a powerful creature and despite its beauty, its also capable of destroying those who are not prepared to have it. love is not only about the euphoria it brings because it can also inflict a tremendous and also overwhelming amount of pain. for some, the pain is unimaginable, even unbearable. to seek love is to prepare to wrest control over its beautiful side and its dark side.
to love is to do something that is highly personal and cannot be passed to another person. it is doubtful it can be learned but i think it can be understood to at least obtain some form of control over it. much as people want not to control love so as to not to limit its power, i think control over it is a necessity. something as powerful as love should not be allowed to just take over oneself and let go of everything else. and if im not mistaken, no human has achieved the level of being an epitome of love. it seems to me that its impossible to allow love to take over and not be destroyed by it. maybe because its humanly impossible to contain love in a mortal physical being in a very loose manner, not influenced by human intellect. love in this case resembles the behavior of cancer cells. it will slowly destroy you from within if you dont try to exercise some form of control over it. to let go of the human intellect and refuse to limit the love contained within is like to abandon reason and dwell in realm of the irrational. this is the best way to lose yourself and most likely never come back. to live in a constant state of internal chaos and not realize it. to be lost in a destructive delusion and be ignorant of its harmful effects.
i just stated what seems to me is something obvious. but then again, humans have the tendency to forget or miss the obvious. they gamble anyway and seek love and acquire it without preparing for what it can bring into one's life. they indulge in it, sometimes without any inkling of the consequences. my point is, love is not for the ignorant. even if most people want to have love in their lives, it will destroy those who are weak and unprepared, meaning those who are not worthy to have it. love can only be enjoyed by those who deserve it.
dont piss off the pervy sage
dont come here questioning my honesty and expect that i wont be pissed. especially when you question my honesty without any basis. dont fucking accuse me with baseless allegations. and an apology is a waste of time. i dont buy it. i dont care how sorry you are. the fact is, you brought a scenario that would require an apology and which was caused by irresponsibility, incompetence and childishness. and in your case, ignorance of the social protocol (ok, maybe it has not acquired this level, but i think it should be regarded as one and as usual, im getting ahead of myself). when you apologize, you swallow your pride. you say sorry without qualifications. i dont fucking care why youre irresponsible, incompetent, childish, and im going to add, negligent. if youre sorry, you dont try to justify your mistake. you just admit you made a mistake. no excuses. i used to do it too, qualifiy my apologies, but i learned on my own that its not a sincere apology. thats why i dont accept apologies, especially for grave mistakes, because the damage has been done. and assessing the situation, it could have been avoided...if you were only strong enough. and weakness is not an excuse. im hard on myself to toughen myself up so dont go appearing before me in your weak and worthless state and then apologizing insincerely afterwards. be man enough to apologize sincerely, or be man enough not to apologize and firmly fight for the mistake you believe to be correct. choosing the latter is foolish but its tougher to do than making an insincere apology and then walking away like a dog with his tail between his legs.
i have my own demons. lots of them. and i deal with them on my own, every fucking day. i put myself through hell intentionally because trying to escape from them is pointless. i intentionally destroy some of my own personal relationships with people close to me because of the constant battles i have with these demons. because thats the only way i can keep them at bay. i know its a big loss, but its something im compelled to do so as not to be defeated by these demons. selfish but thats the only way to prevent self-destruction. its stupid to be selfless and allow yourself to be destroyed and rot from within. because that would only make you useless to everyone.
im also haunted by traumatic memories from time to time. experiences that fucked me up and was forced to accept that i could never change them, no matter how hard and how many times i try. these experiences changed me in a manner that some say only psychiatrists could correct. i dont believe in that crap. but even if it was true, im still going to handle it on my own, without any help. im going to deal with it on my own because its my problem and im going to make sure that im tough enough to solve it on my own. i hate sharing my own problems. thats why i dont go around worrying and crying about it because i deal with it, on my own and in my own way. sure i complain and whine but thats just to decrease its weight. i would be stupid not to decrease the burden, no matter how insubstantial it may seem.
i dont go asking for help. and i dont expect it either. because most likely, no one can save me from my own demons, maybe not even me. if thats true, the most i can do is to make sure they dont get me. but if the demons get the better of me, then its my loss and im prepared to accept that. i will not blame anyone because all throughout, it was only me that was involved. everything is my call, my choice, my discretion. im the one who is in the best position to handle the situation.
it may be a never-ending battle with these demons but i never get tired of saying to mysef i wont lose to them. what have you done to fight your demons? it appears to me, not much. maybe your demons are stronger. most likely they are. but i firmly believe that they are not insurmountable nor losing to them an inevitability. giving in is losing to these demons but that doesnt mean the battle is over. you should always try to bounce back. and once you do, i think the next step should be all about learning from the loss and educating yourself on how to deal with your demons the next time they come knocking.
psychiatrists arent very different from ordinary people when it comes to dealing with demons. it just so happens that they read and studied about it, learned the ways how to deal with it. and then share and apply what they know. and most people could do that too (except the sharing and applying part because that requires formal training). the point is, you cant rely on others to fight your demons. its your own. you are the one who experiences them, no one else. you are the one in the best position to determine how deal with them. if you need help, fine, go ahead. but dont depend on that help to be the one that would fight most of your battles. because thats stupid. dependence weakens you rather than strengthens you. help in itself is good but its an indication too of insufficiency in strength. if you know that you are weak and you cant avoid to engage in battle, its logical for some to ask for help than be destroyed "honorably". but that doesnt stop there. reinforcements will come from others but that doesnt mean you will not do anything to strengthen yourself. in the end, the aim should be to be strong enough to fight your battles on your own, survive them, learn from the experience and the mistakes and further educate and strengthen yourself. thats how you should deal with your demons.
i have my own demons. lots of them. and i deal with them on my own, every fucking day. i put myself through hell intentionally because trying to escape from them is pointless. i intentionally destroy some of my own personal relationships with people close to me because of the constant battles i have with these demons. because thats the only way i can keep them at bay. i know its a big loss, but its something im compelled to do so as not to be defeated by these demons. selfish but thats the only way to prevent self-destruction. its stupid to be selfless and allow yourself to be destroyed and rot from within. because that would only make you useless to everyone.
im also haunted by traumatic memories from time to time. experiences that fucked me up and was forced to accept that i could never change them, no matter how hard and how many times i try. these experiences changed me in a manner that some say only psychiatrists could correct. i dont believe in that crap. but even if it was true, im still going to handle it on my own, without any help. im going to deal with it on my own because its my problem and im going to make sure that im tough enough to solve it on my own. i hate sharing my own problems. thats why i dont go around worrying and crying about it because i deal with it, on my own and in my own way. sure i complain and whine but thats just to decrease its weight. i would be stupid not to decrease the burden, no matter how insubstantial it may seem.
i dont go asking for help. and i dont expect it either. because most likely, no one can save me from my own demons, maybe not even me. if thats true, the most i can do is to make sure they dont get me. but if the demons get the better of me, then its my loss and im prepared to accept that. i will not blame anyone because all throughout, it was only me that was involved. everything is my call, my choice, my discretion. im the one who is in the best position to handle the situation.
it may be a never-ending battle with these demons but i never get tired of saying to mysef i wont lose to them. what have you done to fight your demons? it appears to me, not much. maybe your demons are stronger. most likely they are. but i firmly believe that they are not insurmountable nor losing to them an inevitability. giving in is losing to these demons but that doesnt mean the battle is over. you should always try to bounce back. and once you do, i think the next step should be all about learning from the loss and educating yourself on how to deal with your demons the next time they come knocking.
psychiatrists arent very different from ordinary people when it comes to dealing with demons. it just so happens that they read and studied about it, learned the ways how to deal with it. and then share and apply what they know. and most people could do that too (except the sharing and applying part because that requires formal training). the point is, you cant rely on others to fight your demons. its your own. you are the one who experiences them, no one else. you are the one in the best position to determine how deal with them. if you need help, fine, go ahead. but dont depend on that help to be the one that would fight most of your battles. because thats stupid. dependence weakens you rather than strengthens you. help in itself is good but its an indication too of insufficiency in strength. if you know that you are weak and you cant avoid to engage in battle, its logical for some to ask for help than be destroyed "honorably". but that doesnt stop there. reinforcements will come from others but that doesnt mean you will not do anything to strengthen yourself. in the end, the aim should be to be strong enough to fight your battles on your own, survive them, learn from the experience and the mistakes and further educate and strengthen yourself. thats how you should deal with your demons.
Monday, July 14, 2008
dumb and dumber
i think karma caught up with me. i have the nasty habit of feigning ignorance. why? i dont know. maybe its because im too lazy to be knowledgeable. its a bit of a hassle to know stuff because people would go to you and ask for the answer. sure it was great at first but it just became tiring and annoying. another is that, some expect you to teach them what you know. and since im the type who believes that experience is the best teacher, im always reluctant to share knowledge by way of the traditional mode of teaching. for me, experiencing is the best way to learn (thats why i say im self taught). thats why i rarely ask questions too. i want to learn it on my own. if i get it wrong, at least im trying to learn it on my own. the problem with this approach is that it takes time. and there are instances when you need to learn things fast. anyway, im digressing. the reason i said i think karma caught up with me is because i think im becoming stupid every minute. i mean, i feign ignorance so frequently that its become something natural for me to do. i pretend i dont know. i act stupid. when i dont feel like reciting, i pass or pretend im clueless of whats being asked. and so it actually happened, ive become stupid. well, stupid compared to the current people im with. its like im constantly slipping down from some kind of intellectual ladder. my level of comprehension and my ability to absorb new things is becoming so poor that im really starting to believe ive developed some kind of mental retardation. im forgetting stuff i know and my thinking ability seem to me that its really deteriorating.
ok, maybe i feel that way because gradeschool to college was pretty much a breeze and law school is one big struggle for me. and im starting to think ive reached my limit because even if im trying hard, it seems its not enough to really raise myself to the same level as my fellow law students. its like, my effort is not good enough. i have to do more. unfortunately, i dont have the stamina nor the endurance for it. like i sometimes say, im like a constitution which can only be done with great exertion for a limited time and not frequently repeated. i cant exert the increased level of effort for a considerable amount of time. although, i think i could easily do it if i were the same person as i was back in highschool. when i still had the discipline and wasnt intoxicated with arrogance. when i reached college, i felt i dont need the professors. we have books anyway. so i slept half of the time during class. the other half, i was really sleepy. it offended the professors of course, but i didnt care. i knew i could pass the subject. and if i dont, so what. thats why i became lazier and i started to lose my discipline. and im digressing again. point is, i started feigning ignorance because i didnt want to appear some person who knows stuff. which is kind of a mistake since it would prevent me from polishing my ideas through intellectual converstations. i cant just engage in self-analysis. like henry roth said, "fresh eye never hurts". so, since i let the laziness take over, i guess my brain cells slowly deteriorated too. so now, ive become a dumb guy, and becoming dumber since ive lost the stamina to actually recover from the mental deterioration, and ive placed myself in a situation where i really cant afford to be stupid nor dare to be stupid, now what? ill just have to depend on studying through hardwork and see how far it can get me. it works for some people. i hope it works for me. or i hope i can do it too.
ok, maybe i feel that way because gradeschool to college was pretty much a breeze and law school is one big struggle for me. and im starting to think ive reached my limit because even if im trying hard, it seems its not enough to really raise myself to the same level as my fellow law students. its like, my effort is not good enough. i have to do more. unfortunately, i dont have the stamina nor the endurance for it. like i sometimes say, im like a constitution which can only be done with great exertion for a limited time and not frequently repeated. i cant exert the increased level of effort for a considerable amount of time. although, i think i could easily do it if i were the same person as i was back in highschool. when i still had the discipline and wasnt intoxicated with arrogance. when i reached college, i felt i dont need the professors. we have books anyway. so i slept half of the time during class. the other half, i was really sleepy. it offended the professors of course, but i didnt care. i knew i could pass the subject. and if i dont, so what. thats why i became lazier and i started to lose my discipline. and im digressing again. point is, i started feigning ignorance because i didnt want to appear some person who knows stuff. which is kind of a mistake since it would prevent me from polishing my ideas through intellectual converstations. i cant just engage in self-analysis. like henry roth said, "fresh eye never hurts". so, since i let the laziness take over, i guess my brain cells slowly deteriorated too. so now, ive become a dumb guy, and becoming dumber since ive lost the stamina to actually recover from the mental deterioration, and ive placed myself in a situation where i really cant afford to be stupid nor dare to be stupid, now what? ill just have to depend on studying through hardwork and see how far it can get me. it works for some people. i hope it works for me. or i hope i can do it too.
across the universe
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Sunday, July 13, 2008
cellophane sunshine
dont you just hate it when its raining outside and youre about to go out, you get your jacket and your umbrella and after a few minutes of walking outside, the rain stops. its like, whats the point of getting ready to go out in the rain when after all those preparations, the rain wont cooperate. well, not that it happened to me recently, walking in a rainy day attire when its not raining. its just that im feeling something similar to that. you prepare yourself for what looks like a sad and depressing situation and it doesnt happen. the situtation that would bring sadness and depression doesnt materialize. so you get pissed, and become sad and depressed anyway because its like everything was spoiled with the sudden turn of events. or for things not happening according to what was expected. and what makes it problematic is that, like wearing the rainy day attire, once you set out and covered a considerable distance, you wont just head back home to leave your jacket and umbrella. you just keep going even if its a bit of hassle to bring an umbrella and a jacket on a day that looks like the sun will shine because the rainy part of the day is over. it becomes excess baggage. same to what im feeling now. i cant just drop all the anticipations ive made. and unlike in my analogy, the sun really isnt shining. it was just supposed to rain and that didnt happen. its doesnt follow that the sun's shining on me. its another one of those "now what?" situations because of miscalculations or erroneous assessment of situations. maybe i am suffering from some kind of mental retardation.
Sunday, July 06, 2008
i want my fast food!
i havent eaten any mcdonalds product for quite some time (meaning two weeks). so last night, i tried calling up mcdonald's delivery. unfortunately, i was told that the delivery service for the 2 branches near our residence were not available. the matalino branch had its last order for delivery at 8:40pm (if i remember correctly, and i called around 9:10pm!) and the philcoa branch will not deliver after 9pm.
since i really wanted to eat a double cheeseburger deluxe "go big time" meal, i said to myself, i'll go there myself. the nearest branch is open 24 hours after all. so i walked to the matalino branch only to find out that they were closed for the night, starting 9pm on july 5. talk about wrong timing! and im not going to walk to philcoa. so i just went back home and decided to just call jollibee delivery. for me, it's the next best fast food restaurant when it comes to burgers. so i called up 87000 and i ended up ordering 2 big mac meals. good thing the guy at the other end didnt react much and just said to me that they dont serve the product and told me its equivalent. i meant to order their Champ but i was just so in the mood for a mcdonalds burger that i ended up saying Big Mac instead of Champ.
anyway, why am i blogging about this? well, its just nothing very eventful is happening lately. and if there was, i cant talk about it because its confidential.
June was a very busy month and the first few days of july is less tedious but tiring nonetheless. had my first and second court hearing last month. made some pleadings and motions and tried to meet the deadlines. had a bunch of appointments and did a lot of texting. i have two phones now and sometimes i get tired of reading them that i prioritize some text messages (the urgent ones) and the read the other ones at the end of the day and reply the following day if i suddenly find out that i have no more credits. the interesting part is (or the worst part is), things are bound to become more difficult.
so connecting it to the fast food part, its been a very tiring month and this july will not be much different. when you have so little time and so much to do, a little fast food would mean a lot. but since im a very unfortunate guy, im not surprised that the operator on the other end of the line would tell me that the delivery service is not available in our area at the moment when im really in the mood for a mcdonalds burger, because i wanted to eat something while watching a movie at home. and im the type of guy who hates settling for the next best thing. so i ended up not watching anything and relaxing in the form of sleep. what made sleep not comforting was my clogged nose because i have a cold. and when i have a cold, i have coughing fits. and usually, what makes me feel better is eating food im in the mood to eat. ok, what is a loop? point is, im a very unlucky bastard. when i want my fast food the most, i wont be surprised that i wont get it. well, conveniently get it. i have to make some extra effort. some would say, that would simply make the food a lot tastier. i would say, probably, but the thing is, the things that are supposed to make it easier and more convenient arent working the way they should be working and that sucks because im in the losing end no matter what. Soy un perdedor!
since i really wanted to eat a double cheeseburger deluxe "go big time" meal, i said to myself, i'll go there myself. the nearest branch is open 24 hours after all. so i walked to the matalino branch only to find out that they were closed for the night, starting 9pm on july 5. talk about wrong timing! and im not going to walk to philcoa. so i just went back home and decided to just call jollibee delivery. for me, it's the next best fast food restaurant when it comes to burgers. so i called up 87000 and i ended up ordering 2 big mac meals. good thing the guy at the other end didnt react much and just said to me that they dont serve the product and told me its equivalent. i meant to order their Champ but i was just so in the mood for a mcdonalds burger that i ended up saying Big Mac instead of Champ.
anyway, why am i blogging about this? well, its just nothing very eventful is happening lately. and if there was, i cant talk about it because its confidential.
June was a very busy month and the first few days of july is less tedious but tiring nonetheless. had my first and second court hearing last month. made some pleadings and motions and tried to meet the deadlines. had a bunch of appointments and did a lot of texting. i have two phones now and sometimes i get tired of reading them that i prioritize some text messages (the urgent ones) and the read the other ones at the end of the day and reply the following day if i suddenly find out that i have no more credits. the interesting part is (or the worst part is), things are bound to become more difficult.
so connecting it to the fast food part, its been a very tiring month and this july will not be much different. when you have so little time and so much to do, a little fast food would mean a lot. but since im a very unfortunate guy, im not surprised that the operator on the other end of the line would tell me that the delivery service is not available in our area at the moment when im really in the mood for a mcdonalds burger, because i wanted to eat something while watching a movie at home. and im the type of guy who hates settling for the next best thing. so i ended up not watching anything and relaxing in the form of sleep. what made sleep not comforting was my clogged nose because i have a cold. and when i have a cold, i have coughing fits. and usually, what makes me feel better is eating food im in the mood to eat. ok, what is a loop? point is, im a very unlucky bastard. when i want my fast food the most, i wont be surprised that i wont get it. well, conveniently get it. i have to make some extra effort. some would say, that would simply make the food a lot tastier. i would say, probably, but the thing is, the things that are supposed to make it easier and more convenient arent working the way they should be working and that sucks because im in the losing end no matter what. Soy un perdedor!
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